One Year as a Full-Time YouTuber? || An Honest Update

[Music] hello so as you could see from the title it has been just about a year since I pursued YouTube full-time which is nuts I think my actual official anniversary was a week or two ago but that's okay I just wanted to do a video where I sat down and some coffee talked about updates I guess and let you know where I am where my head's at and how this year has gone and kind of my future plans and all that stuff I asked you guys to send me some questions on instagrams so that will help with my train of thought I think burning questions you want to know about a mediocre youtuber and then as far as this situation I am NOT going anywhere today big surprise there but I figured I would do a look just so you kind of had something to look at back in October I did a look and posted a photo for the Knicks Welcome Party in LA and trust me that makes me some way cooler than I actually am don't be fooled but a lot of you were asking for a tutorial on that figured I would do the kind of holiday version of that or I'm going to attempt to do that but kind of like a maroon gold version I don't we'll see how that works I have this pretty hat slash turban that I figured is kind of similar to what I wore in that photo but it's a little bit more like holiday esque that kind of look you do when you want to be super extra at a holiday party that is the formal name of this look and then I have like a cute shirt too but I'm just gonna keep this on for now because it's freaking cold in this house gonna be real honest in this for the most part everything is positive but there are some things that you know I get a little disappointed about with YouTube and that kind of stuff so I think there is kind of a stigma on YouTube where people don't like watching other people say anything negative whatsoever so think of this as you know sitting down to a cozy chat with your friend and maybe she has some discrepancies with her job and you know you're just you're there with an open ear and you're you're there to be listener and a good friend and not judge her some good okay I've been a year posted a video just about a year ago where I did my first day as a youtuber or some of you might have seen that a lot have you asked for this video to be kind of just like the same day in the life type thing but I'm telling you right now my routine is essentially exactly the same it's not exciting stuff so I decided to do sort of a Q&A instead I'm gonna put on concealer [Music] here's maybe no idea where I went you know you would think for such a tiny little house it would be harder for me to lose things I'm just gonna use this so pardon the promotion I'm gonna put foundation on because my skin I would assume a lot of you have know this already but a year ago I was working in Boston as a video editor at a company that kind of made just like corporate evideos and for a while it was fine I learned a lot I was doing YouTube on the side from all of that I was there for like two years so I would have a whole workweek film YouTube video either Saturday or Sunday morning and then edit it either Sunday night or Monday night after work which I honestly don't know how I did that for some because it kind of ate up my entire weekend so like if me and Nick wanted to do something over the weekend would have to somehow accommodate that with my youtube videos and no one really took it seriously like if we had a family event I couldn't just be like oh sorry I had to film a YouTube video that sounds like the worst excuse in the entire universe I did end up winning the face Awards somehow I decided to kind of use that prize money as a financial cushion to start YouTube full-time I changed my name from the pan up companion to just my name also you want to see a fun trick that I learned the other day when I was doing my makeup and like singing at the same time this is what happens when you / fund a [ __ ] on your neck I just thought you guys would appreciate that as much as I did it's funny looking back on the first day as YouTube youtuber that was really unsure of myself and you can really tell in that video and you can tell that I wasn't used to being alone which is weird to me now cuz I'm so used to being alone like so eased to it I had been running errands and I had said you know it feels weird not being with Nick or going to this grocery store by myself or going to Michael's by myself that's one of the things that has changed oh I is that I'm very comfortable running errands by myself being in my own company if you work from home you really you got to be comfortable with yourself and being with yourself because you know you are your only employee a couple of the questions I got on Instagram we're kind of about that kind of how to manage yourself and SEC I'll answer yourself and I honestly am still figuring that out it's really hard to be your own boss I prefer it don't do too well with people telling me what to do and that sounds like very entitled I understand that a job that's what a job is I'm not spoiled I comprehend that to do a job usually you have a boss telling you what to do and I will do said thing without a problem and do it to the best of my ability but working for myself is very nice but it can also be a little challenging because you do have to be strict with yourself and you have to be your own boss and you have to set your own deadlines I need to my brows now this is the fill and fluff from NYX we're gonna go nice and back I've been feeling real thick brows lately I don't know maybe it's a winter thing I just they're stocking up before they go into hibernation I have learned a lot about myself in this journey this journey I have learned that I do best when I have a strict deadline kind of nice because YouTube having an upload day is basically like a hard deadline unless you want to feel super guilty about it so I have found that sticking to either Wednesdays or Fridays for my upload day helps me a ton because then I know how much work I need to get done and beforehand and when I need to edit and when I need to publish I guess if I had advice in that arena it would be to give yourself a strict deadline even if it's not necessarily strict like even if you don't have an upload day or people that are waiting on your every move kind of thing I would say still tell yourself tell your brain that you need to get this done on this certain day if you're like me your brains like okay I have also found that I am a procrastinator worried these look crazy right now but I'm gonna use the other side of this which is a little brush and then we're gonna fluff it out why they call it fill and fluffy right good job NYX personally I tend to not have a good way of balancing work so I will put off things that way I can have a slower day with less work but then the next day because I put off the things I will have a super crazy busy day and I'll work ten hours and you know that's how I operate so I would rather have a day where I can sort of relax and then the next day have it be really really hard rather than split the work up evenly and just have a normal work day both days I don't know why I do that I would change that but I kind of don't mind doing that it kind of goes along with liking a strict deadline I kind of like challenging myself to complete as much work as I can in one day but yeah I don't know maybe other people are like that too Christina she commented and said what is your favorite thing about the decision and your least favorite has the income met your expectations do you see yourself continuing this as a job my favorite thing would probably be the freedom I had wanted to do YouTube full-time to be honest since high school ever since YouTube was kind of a thing I wanted to do it like I have videos of my old YouTube channel which has since been deleted because I posted the trailer for New Moon and they deleted my YouTube channel don't think I thought about the monetization thing back then I don't even think I knew what that was I just thought that if I made videos it wouldn't lead to somewhere I don't know I think I had like 220 subscribers when that got deleted and of course 16 year old me was like had 220 subscribers just being able to pump out the ideas that I have in my head for the most part the thing about doing YouTube on the side was that a lot of the ideas I had weren't really possible because I could only do them one or two days out of the week so for instance all my sewing and crafting videos I would have had to do those over weeks so that's my favorite thing so far it's just being able to do the things I don't know if there's really like a least favorite part of the decision really my least favorite part of YouTube would probably be the unpredictable aspect of it that and like the self-doubt that goes into that is real let me tell you to be an Internet person doesn't seem like it would take a lot of self-control and strength of the mind but it really does because you become your worst enemy when you are putting your work out there into the internet for a job and I have seen bigger youtubers say that even they get self-conscious and doubt themselves and I was watching jacksepticeye play death stranding and he was talking about how even I mean his videos get millions of views and he will check that each new video he posts is doing well comparatively to his other videos and of course if it is it's a huge sigh of relief and if it's not it's kind of like and he was saying that he had done a video for Halloween and he put a ton a ton of effort into it and I guess it did like half as well as his other videos and that was kind of a letdown to him I have not related to anything so much it sucks and that is probably my least favorite part of YouTube is it's it's a lawless land where nothing matters and even if you think video is gonna do good it don't and it's terrifying because you put all this effort into a video and put it out into the world and you're like oh yes people are gonna love this and then it just doesn't do good and it's funny because they say that wieck's and comments are a huge part of YouTube and getting you out into the algorithm but honestly some of your guys's favorite videos that you comment and like on don't get a lot of views there's almost no correlation between this the content you guys really like and find funny to getting it out to new audiences or performance or whatever and by performance I'm talking about views which I know is not the end-all be-all of YouTube videos obviously I love when you guys are super engaged and love it and say this is the best video you've ever done in that kind of stuff really really hard not to get discouraged in situations like that where you guys are commenting and liking and always going well and you love it and then the view is don't reflect that it's just it's a little disheartening and it's a little confusing because I know it's not your guys's fault them none of this negative stuff that I'm talking about is any of your fault it's more or less YouTube patterns and YouTube's algorithm and I hate when people say that [ __ ] but alas that has kind of been my least favorite part is the self-doubt that comes with unpredictable ways of YouTube has the income met your expectations for the most part yes which is awesome I have not tallied up everything that I made which is probably not great to do and especially come tax season I'm not very good at keeping track of finances which is not a good thing I'm pretty sure I'm making more than I made at my last job which is there's actual youtube adsense money so basically if you don't know I make my money from Google so the ads you see before and during a video is how I am able to monetize my videos on top of that there are the brand deals but basically they are contracting me to make a video for them one thing with that is that I do plan to kind of limit the number of sponsorships I do and if I do sponsorships to make sure that it aligns with your guys's interest and my channel I've heard that you guys don't mind when a sponsorship doesn't exactly win with my channel and I have to really reach to kind of segue into the video I just I don't like that and even if I really love the product I feel like it's a stretch you'll probably do a summer makeup pump um let me prime my eyeballs that's one of the things I struggle with being an Internet person is that I feel like I don't want to exist just to sell you guys stuff someone who's just here to promote brands and to promote things for you to buy I think that is something that gets a little bit on my nerve on Instagram I will post something of just decor around my house or just a dress that I bought with my own money and I liked it so I posted a picture of it and then someone will say is this still available like what colors does this come in obviously I don't mind what people were like hey where did you get that but I think it's kind of the tone that people have when they ask stuff like is it still available or hey I went to the store and it wasn't there what happened like that kind of stuff huh there's a culture of influencers where people think that you're promoting something at all times which is like not true and if I am promoting something I will tell you it was either a gift from the company or sponsored or something like that so does that make sense that answered that question so long story short yes I think I'm doing ok with money I'm a little scared calm tax season because if Google and with these brands that I'm working with tax money is not taken out so I need to put aside a bunch of money to pay to the government for taxes so I have not tallied up how much that's gonna be and I actually have net put in account beside which I you should have I still have a savings account with like 80% of that Knicks money that I haven't touched so that makes me feel a little better I think maybe I can use that for tax money do you see yourself continuing this as a job gosh darn I hope so what some do my makeup Shelly I'm gonna try to use kind of a mixture of these two maybe these three kind of match this I think that'll look very holiday and pretty at the top of my eyes and then below my eyes probably what I'm most nervous about with YouTube is that I'm afraid that something will change and I won't be able to do this anymore it's state of permanency is not very high unless you're just you know a huge youtuber that whatever you put out people are gonna watch I am NOT at that level I do have kind of a base of you guys that I'm so so thankful for let's just say I'm not at that jennamarbles level where she can put out whatever she wants and people in holding me we'll watch it because we love her and we love her personality and literally any title or thumbnail she puts out you know you're gonna click on it and do it this is gonna be good that's literally all I aspire to I forgot that when you do this you just instantly look like you're in the polynomial and I know some of you are watching this like what are you talking about but as the content creator it's very noticeable to me when people aren't digging a video that I know it's very noticeable for the most part I'm talking about views here because that's kind of the initial factor of if people are interested is if they're gonna click on it in the first place and a lot of that is very apparent when people don't want to click on the video figuring out YouTube and like methods is really freaking hard and that's kind of where the self-doubt aspect comes into it as well because you start to think okay well maybe they don't like me or maybe I'm not compelling enough for new audiences it's not a healthy way to think for someone like me who is a serial comparer I would say that's probably one of the main things I'm working on is not comparing myself to other people live in my own bubble me and Tommy we're talking about this the other day and he was saying that I should start trying to do kind of words of affirmation in the morning and then eventually my brain will believe it so I feel like I have to just like tell myself just worry about yourself just worry about your own channel I'm not bitter towards a person and in fact I get a sense of pride when I see people getting the recognition they deserve but there's also a part of me that was like well I wish I had that too so now I'm gonna go in with eyeliner and I kind of did a top wing that was pretty dramatic and then a lower wing that was almost parallel to the top very difficult especially when your eyes are as watery is mine I don't know if you guys are like me but if my eyeball just one knows that I have eyeliner on the bottom award Niagara Falls yes I would very much love to keep doing this for a job because is a dream come true and when it's good it's good let me tell you there is no feeling like being super excited about something I made and then showing you guys you guys are also super excited about something I need literally that meme of that otter holding out the baby I made this that is me we have any costume or props on this channel it's just such a good feeling to have you guys in a little community and I would really really love to keep doing this and I try not to think about the future if I'm honest I try not to think about the permanency of YouTube because it's it's scary scared that when me and Nick are finally ready to have kids that this won't be a viable option and I'll have to find something else and it'll be kind of a bad time to transition back into the working world corporate world I guess I should say Katie rosemary asked a very relatable question she said how do you get past that guilty feeling of I should be doing work when you're spending a day relaxing yes and I think any of you that are self-employed or not even self-employed if you're at work and you have a slow day you can't help but feel a tiny bit guilty about it I know about when I worked as an editor and we would really just didn't have our project all day I just felt weird but to be honest I think that has helped me with this too because there are days when I don't necessarily do much I try to whether it's business side of stuff or preparing for another video or writing down video ideas I always try to make sure I'm doing something but there are days when filming only takes me an hour and then I have the rest of the day and that feels weird I don't think I'm quite over that yet I'm still working on it but my kind of way of fixing night is just working really hard another day of the week it's definitely it's a weird thing when you work for yourself because you are conditioned when you work in kind of the corporate environment or retail environment that you should be working non-stop or you don't deserve it or just in general you don't deserve to be relaxing right now you should be doing something that's literally always in my brain if I take the week itself and think did I work hard this week feel much better about it so even if I have a relaxing day on a Monday as long as I'm working hard the rest of the week I okay about it Sophia Roman Arc says one thing I want to know was what was the hardest thing about starting YouTube as your job all done is this running out do I need to get another one maybe because I had this uncovered while I was just talking for like ten minutes um maybe that's why stocks are so slippy that feeling of going from a corporate job in the city to being home by yourself was a really weird transition I think another hard part is the sort of judgment you get when you tell people you're a youtuber and I hate to be like ageist or like okay boomer but I think explaining it to older generations is a little bit harder I think people my age kind of understand it and younger especially we were looking for Christmas gifts for my nephews and niece some of the Barbies are now dedicated to vloggers it's like vlogger Barbie and then I'm pretty sure there's like a vlogger American Girl doll or something she had a shirt that had like a youtube symbol on it said vlog life so I thought that was really weird it's kind of like a cultural shift it's just weird to me that kids are kind of aspiring to be youtubers I don't know it also makes me feel a little better because it makes me feel like okay in the future I hope this is gonna be more accepted not that I've never had any bad experiences talking to someone telling that mommy youtuber but I think a lot of it is like oh so so what do you do oh I'm a youtuber oh that's nice what what does a youtuber do I make videos I do a lot of costuming and vintage fashion oh cool like that kind of stuff like they don't really know how to respond or a lot of people will ask how do you make money doing that a lot of people are curious so I will tell them it's the ads before my video or I work with brands explaining that I work with brands kind of solidifies it for them a little bit oh no pulling a mom side no is that just kind of like in the instinct handbook it's like when your kid has something on his face just because I think it is that's why I never use a hand mirror when I'm getting ready my arms are so twisted it's it's not something that people were brought up with YouTube has only been around that since 2005 ish so I cannot blame people who are older than me that don't quite understand what it means to be a youtuber and I'm never offended when anyone you know kind of does that oh that's nice cuz I get it I get that it takes a little bit of explaining um honestly when I quit my job my bosses were not expecting me to say that I was gonna be youtuber I'm gonna sit in my living room here's my two weeks and of course one of my bosses was like how do you how do you make money on YouTube which is kind of a way of informing me that he didn't really take me seriously which is a bummer and I think that that can happen a lot of people don't take you seriously when you say you're a youtuber it just kind of goes with the gig I think this is gonna be long as video yeah I'm vintage Connie said how has it been keeping motivation levels up we're gonna go in and with a smaller brush go in with a darker color probably that color and just kinda smoke it out a little definitely one of the tougher parts especially when I kind of get into my discouraged phases kind of part of YouTube is the chance factor of it so like I said the algorithm is just all over the place and I still haven't figured it out but that also means there's a chance rolling the dice where if you upload a video randomly it will get picked up by the algorithm and just get a ton of use think as weird as it sounds that's kind of what keeps me and I would think a lot of youtubers going is that chance sometimes it doesn't happen for months but sometimes once every six months one of your videos will do well and it brings in a bunch of new people you feel great you kind of get that like adrenaline and then for the next few months it doesn't happen again but you keep going because there's always a chance it's a weird mind game that YouTube seems to play and honestly you guys uh-huh as cheesy as it sounds you guys are a huge motivation for me anytime you guys send me heartfelt messages about how my videos have affected you and just did my lower eyeliner I'm not gonna cry needless to say that means so much to me when you guys take the time to reach out to me and tell me that my videos have helped you in any way or helped you through a tough time so you guys are also a huge inspiration and I'm not just saying that so yeah thank you and everything you guys do helps a time that whether you're just watching or commenting or anything or sharing it with your friends and sharing it on Instagram and Facebook that stuff helps so much for my channel to bring people in even if it's just one person and this is we already super long right now so if you're still here thank you simply dan what nila said looking back to a year ago have you stayed on track with your goals and where you wanted to be or has your goal have your goals changed along the way before I answer that question one of the parts of that look was kind of orange blush over here it's kind of a very avant-garde but I was going to like a makeup company party so I'm gonna do a little version of that where I go in maybe with the same colors I use for my eyes I don't know that I had specific goals when I first started it wasn't like I'm gonna reach this number it's still not that like I don't have a subscriber goal that I'm looking towards and you're done I think my goals are just to keep reaching new people making content that I feel like strengthens my skills and introduces me to new skills this looks like a sunburn mmm just look like I was too long oh I do think it's interesting to see how my content has changed my channel has definitely become more cosplay and costume focused than I thought it would and that's awesome because that's kind of the the way that I wanted to go with my channel but never could because I didn't have the time so that makes me happy I'm pretty confident in saying that my channel is no longer just vintage fashion while that yes is a big part of it and it's not going to stop I think that I am becoming a costume channel and that's what I want to do and what I'll keep doing I'm not only because I love it but also you guys seem to love just sitting down and watching people do crafts which is understandable because that's what I love too for the look I also kind of smudged a little bit of eyeshadow my lips so I'm gonna do that normally I'm not very good at this smudged lips look and it just looks like I ate some Cheetos or like had a juice box but somehow I got it to work for that one I think this will probably go along the kool-aid wrote though route route so I'm gonna leave this like this for now because that's kind of the makeup book that I did for that photo I did end up putting lipstick on derp I took that photo so I'm gonna do my hair like how it is in that look and then that'll be kind of the tutorial for that and then I'll put some lipstick on because I feel like this needs some lipstick deal deal so a lot of you I have heard I feel like I keep saying that heard me talk about patreon and I am going to publish my patreon in January for my patreon I will be delving a lot more into the Nitty Gritty of stuff I will be doing vlogs behind the scenes common questions you guys asked me like how I edit things and how I do that the technical side of stuff I will be doing makeup transformations over there and I hate to say that that's because they don't do well but they don't and I know that's gonna rub some of you the wrong way and you're probably gonna let me know in the comments if you don't want to donate that's absolutely fine you absolutely don't have to please don't think I'm like give me your money nothing on here will change you will get the same amount of content but patreon will just be extra I did recently cut my bangs so I have not tried this hairstyle since doing that but I would think with the right amount of hairspray anything is possible so what I do is usually three pin curls for this because my bangs are shorter I'm gonna reach down and get some more hair from the back of my head because it's all gonna be covered with a hat anyway so it doesn't really matter what it looks like up here wrap around my finger like a pin girl make sure that no strands are just peeking out roll back up to my head and then decide the direction pin so that the bobby pins are sort of hidden that will be covered by the Hat I think so this is obviously gonna be very asymmetrical so if you were to do this yourself I'm sure you could make it how hot more symmetrical if you want to do better and this is me we're talking about pin it up and out of the way don't matter there's gonna be a hat that goes over it anyways and the Hat comes in and goes right up against those curls and yeah that's essentially it kind of a cute sassy a little look it kind of it's almost like faux bangs this is a crop top no thank you a couple of the questions or revolving mr. Frodo here how my pets feel about me being home all the time I don't think they mind one of the best parts of being a youtuber is being able to stay home with my little baby and being able to take him for wal Kay's I think we'll do a couple more questions what has surprised you the most about being a full time youtuber from you just got jammed nice I would say the thing that has surprised me the most is just how much business there is to it NYX slipped ease in Dexter kind of like a blood blood oh it's minty what of YouTube is like I said dealing with brands and for that I kinda have to put on my business pants talk to people about my rates negotiate with brands about deadlines and prices it's also a really reaffirmed part of YouTube especially when you kind of get into that mind state where you don't feel like it's a real job when I did the Dyson video and I got to fly out to LA I went to like a Google building and I walked in and it was just a conference room with a big table and I sat at the head of the table and there were a bunch of Dyson employees and looking at me and it was weird but it also made me feel like a boss I can wrap this up by kind of talking about my future goals and my hopes for the next year hoping 2020 is kind of my year positive affirmations going forward I would really love to feel like a youtuber I guess I do plan to do collabs and like special guests I have a couple planned for January which is exciting I never want to be the person who is annoying and who bugs people so I feel like have a hard time reaching out to people for collapse because especially if I'm the lower number of the two I feel a little bit like you know thank you hey hey you want to collab hey cuz I just kind of wait for someone to come to me but that doesn't happen so this coming year hopefully more collabs definitely more crafting stuff more costuming cosplay I really want to challenge myself to think of cool ideas and push my boundaries I just want to bring you guys cool content oh I'm so sorry if this video was really long if you're still here thank you kudos to you for sticking around oh I didn't put mascara on oh this is the finished look I know it's pretty similar to my pumpkin spice one but you know I [Applause] cannot believe it's already been a year a good feeling to still be doing this regardless of the negative things that I've said I had said last year that I would give it till the spring to see if it was working and if I needed to stop and do something else and to be honest I still don't know that this is gonna be a permanent thing I am constantly fighting off the urge to just give up and I'm trying to get better at remaining positive and you guys are a huge help with that so thank you so much for your support and for being here and instead of focusing on the kind of scariness of the future I'm just gonna focus on bringing you exciting content and bringing you content that makes you happy and makes you forget about anything negative happening in your life and you can just cozy up the coffee or tea I hope this didn't come off as complaining and being spoiled or anything I completely understand that I'm lucky to be able to do this with any job comes things that we want to improve on and we wish were improved upon I don't know I hope you guys don't take it the wrong way here's to another year here's to 2020 I hope to do really cool things this year and I hope that you guys will stick around and come on this journey with me and I love you guys whether you're normal to this channel if you're new here I mean probably aren't if you watch this long of a video from me but I feel free to subscribe I upload every week and we have fun here always have always will and I will see you guys in my next video bye make myself copy do that what was I saying but then on top of that they're a little bit out of it and stop focusing on my hands stop it yeah [ __ ] it's for oh wow I'm sweaty huh which is weird because it's so cold in here I don't understand [Music]

Channel: Rachel Maksy

Views: 233,427

Keywords: youtuber, youtube update, GRWM, get ready with me, vintage, vintage style, chatty GRWM, chatty get ready with me, fulltime youtube, doing youtube as a job, youtube career

Id: EoblBSVSPpg

Length: 36min 45sec (2205 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 18 2019