NYPD Press Conference - SNL

>> Announcer: AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM THE NEW YORK POLICE DEPARTMENT. >>> WELCOME, EVERYONE. I'M SERGEANT JEFF McDOUGAL. I WANT TO START OUT BY SAYING NEW YORK CITY HAS A LOT TO BE PROUD OF. THE KNICKS ARE GOOD. THE RANGERS ARE GOOD. THE METS ARE TRYING THEIR BEST. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT SUMMER IS COMING UP AND WE ARE SEEING AN INCREASE IN RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE ACROSS THE STREETS. SO JUST THIS WEEK NATIONAL TREASURE STEVE BUSCEMI WAS PUNCHED WHILE WALKING THROUGH KIPS BAY. THESE TYPES OF ATTACKS CANNOT AND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. SO TO EVERYONE WATCHING I HAVE ONE IMPORTANT MESSAGE. STOP PUNCHING CHARACTER ACTORS IN THE FACE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> BUT SERGEANT, WASN'T THAT JUST ONE ISOLATED INCIDENT? >> UNFORTUNATELY, THIS FOLLOWS SIMILAR ASSAULTS ON RICK MORANIS AND THE SHOCKINGLY VERSATILE MICHAEL STUHLBERG. >> OH, THAT GUY! >> I WANT TO SAY HIS NAME IS TOM SOMETHING. >> IT'S MICHAEL STUHLBERG. [ LAUGHTER ] THE POINT IS CHARACTER ACTORS ARE BEING TARGETED. >> AND HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE CHARACTER ACTOR? >> SIMPLY PUT, IT'S ACTORS WHOSE FACES YOU CAN REMEMBER BUT NAMES YOU CANNOT. [ LAUGHTER ] SO WHEN YOU'RE WALKING IN NEW YORK, YOU MAY BE AT RISK IF -- YOU'VE EVER BEEN ON THE TV SHOW "BOARDWALK EMPIRE." YOU HAVE A FACE THAT MAKES CASTING DIRECTORS GO "OH, INTERESTING." [ LAUGHTER ] YOUR IMDB PAGE HAS OVER 100 ENTRIES BUT ALL YOUR CHARACTERS JUST HAVE A FIRST NAME. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU'VE EVER DONE A THREE-EPISODE ARC ON A TV SHOW WHOSE TITLE IS JUST LETTERS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> SERGEANT, WHAT IS THE NYPD DOING TO PREVENT FUTURE ATTACKS? >> WELL, WE'RE OFFERING PROTECTION TO CHARACTER ACTORS WE KNOW ARE AT RISK. WE'VE ASSIGNED A SECURITY DETAIL TO STEPHEN ROOT. WE'RE ASKING THAT YOU AVOID MASS TRANSIT IF YOU EVER PLAYED A GIRLFRIEND ON "SEINFELD." [ LAUGHTER ] OR A BOYFRIEND ON "SEX AND THE CITY." [ LAUGHTER ] AND WE'VE ASKED PAUL GIAMATTI TO SHELTER IN PLACE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> QUESTION. DO WE REALLY CONSIDER PAUL GIAMATTI TO BE JUST A CHARACTER ACTOR IN THIS STAGE OF HIS CAREER? >> COME ON, HE'S NO BRAD PITT. >> I'M NOT SAYING HE'S BRAD PITT. I'M SAYING "SIDEWAYS," "THE HOLDOVERS." OBVIOUSLY, HE'S NOT BRAD PITT. >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] EVERYONE RELAX. I KNOW THIS IS A LOT TO TAKE IN. WHICH IS WHY I'M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THE NYPD IS STARTING A NEW TASK FORCE CALLED THE ORGANIZATION TO HINDER HARMFUL INCIDENTS IN MANHATTAN. ALSO KNOWN AS OH HIM. [ LAUGHTER ] NOW, HERE ARE SOME OTHER CHARACTER ACTORS WHO SHOULD BE ON HIGH ALERT. THIS GUY WHO'S USUALLY LIKE THE VILLAIN. [ LAUGHTER ] THIS LADY. SHE'S FUNNY. THIS GUY. HE'S IN EVERYTHING. AND OF COURSE STEPHEN TOBOLOWSKY. >> OH, THAT GUY. >> I WANT TO SAY HIS NAME IS TIM SOMETHING? >> IT'S STEPHEN TOBOLOWSKY. I JUST SAID IT. [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE. OH, I SEE THERE'S ANOTHER QUESTION. >> YEAH. HI. HI. WOULD AN ACTOR LIKE, SAY, JON HAMM HAVE TO BE WORRIED? >> NO. I THINK YOU'RE FINE. >> GOOD. I CAN'T GET PUNCHED. WITHOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL FACE I'M JUST A TALL GUY WITH A PERFECT BODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> COME ON NOW. YOU'RE NOT BRAD PITT. >> I'M NOT SAYING I'M BRAD PITT. >> OKAY, THAT ABOUT WRAPS UP THIS PRESS CONFERENCE. WE HAVE TIME FOR ONE MORE QUESTION. >> YES. WHY DOES THE NYPD CARE SO MUCH ABOUT CHARACTER ACTORS? >> WHY? BECAUSE THEY'RE THE LIFEBLOOD OF THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY. WITHOUT CHARACTER ACTORS WHO WOULD BE THE ONE PERSON IN THE CROWD WHO STANDS UP AND SHOUTS "GET HIM, SPIDER-MAN"! [ LAUGHTER ] WORE WHO WOULD PLAY THE TSA OFFICER IN A ROM-COM WHO SAYS "SHUT UP AND KISS HER ALREADY." [ LAUGHTER ] THESE PEOPLE DIDN'T BECOME ACTORS BY BEING BEAUTIFUL. THEY BECAME ACTORS BY BEING GOOD AT ACTING. SO PLEASE, NEXT TIME YOU SEE A CHARACTER ACTOR ON THE STREET DON'T PUNCH HIM. GOOGLE HIM. [ LAUGHTER ] TO FIGURE OUT THE THING THAT HE WAS IN. AND THANK THEM. ♪♪

Channel: Saturday Night Live

Views: 1,101,135

Keywords: SNL05182024, snl, saturday night live, snl 49, saturday night live season 49, jake gyllenhaal, snl host jake gyllenhaal, saturday night live jake gyllenhaal, cold open, jake gyllenhaal cold open, nypd press conference, police press conference, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation, actor, improv, musician, season 49, jake gylenhal, jake jillenhall, jake gyllenhaal hosts snl, snl skit, snl sketch, jake gyllenhaal snl sketch, hosting, SNL host

Id: 36r6-5px_ZA

Length: 4min 50sec (290 seconds)

Published: Sun May 19 2024