Marjorie Taylor Greene & MAGAverse Make WILD Trump Assassination Claim & Nikki Haley Endorses Donald

I'm the show thank you for watching thank you for joining us here and studio and beautiful Los Angeles California where we are joined once again by the great guitar Phenom slash everybody is here us are slash Slash's this is night three of Slash's miniature residency with the Clones it's a good night to be here um you don't want to be out there uh tonight or really ever the world Health Organization uh is warning that sexually transmitted infections STI as they call them are on the rise in a big way they went down they went way down during covid but I guess people are back out doing filthy things and they're up again four STI syphilis goria chlamidia and trichomonosis something like that each each one nearly impossible to spell are accounting for a million new infections a day even the rate of baby born with STI has shot up which is the worst I mean is there anything creepier than getting syphilis from your mom no and also what happened to Monkey pox where is that hiding is I mean I think it's coming back that was supposed to be the next B thing that was like the segue of diseases and it just but it is important to spread uh the word maybe instead of like a press release is great but it would be better if they Shar this information in places where the people most at risk for SDI would be likely to see it like like the sight of a bottle of Mountain Dew or something you know sexually transmitted infections have been around for a very long time in fact researchers from Brazil just released newly discovered evidence they tested Bones from skeletons and found that neanderthals had an ancient form of Herpes either that or the night Watchman at the museum has some serious explaining to do but neanderthals are an extinct group of humans lived until about 40,000 years ago this is what they look like this is taken at the exact moment they found out they had herpes and but then doll on the right the female looks familiar to me right I mean yes that's right that's that's her that explains a lot Margarie Taylor green is part of you know this would actually be funny if it wasn't so stupid and dangerous yesterday files were unsealed in the Trump stolen documents case they revealed that when the FBI search maral Lago in 2022 the agents were authorized to use deadly force if necessary which is standard operating procedure whenever the FBI execute a search warrant but in the magav verse it is a plot to kill Donald Trump Clan mom led the chart she wrote the Biden doj and FBI were planning to assassinate president Trump and gave the green light does everyone get it yet what are Republicans going to do about it what a rich imagination this woman has You' almost think she has the brain of a child you know so the FBI felt the need to put out a statement that said the FBI followed standard protocol in the search as we do for all search warrants no one ordered additional steps to be taken and there was no departure from the norm in this matter but did that stop the right-wing outrage machine from spinning like Matt of course it didn't Fox News Alert a major bombshell in the Trump documents case the FBI authorized the use of deadly force the department of Injustice effectively put a shoot to kill order on the corrupt raid of maralago so they were in essence prepared to shoot and kill former president Donald Trump are Democrat the Democrats trying to kill our president they were actually thinking of using deadly force it's pretty extraordinary deadly force to shoot to kill over paperwork what was life threatening about pieces of paper maybe they wanted the engagement of physical Force they are showing up as though they're drug dealer who were armed treating him the same way they would if they were going into a drug Den these people are sick F crazy it's crazy it just seems so crazy seriously Jim this is crazy stuff this is crazy this is wild this is dangerous so dangerous so say a prayer all right yes we will pray that you are someday able to experience an emotion called Shame because this is the Diabolical Mastermind Joe Biden sent an elite team of ultra liberal FBI agents to assassinate Donald Trump but somehow he slipped out the back door somehow they missed the fact that the loudest and most famous man in America and all 15 of his Secret Service agents were in New Jersey at the time that they raided Mara Lago but of course Trump was screaming about this too wow I just came out of the Biden Witch Hunt trial in Manhattan the icebox and was shown reports that crooked Joe Biden's doj in their illegal and unconstitutional rate of Lago authorized the FBA to FBI to use deadly lethal Force now we know for sure that Joe Biden is a serious threat to democracy he is mentally unfit to hold office 25th amendment the 25th is the amendment many of his fellow Republicans thought about using against him is that's how he knows it and by the way as far as this ice box thing he keeps claiming keeps making about the courtroom goes that it was freezing by every account other than his they warm the place up from weeks ago in fact a reporter brought a thermometer to the courthouse yesterday it was 79° in the hallway and 76 in court and it's not just him these people these hysterical dishonest Stooges he has jockeying for lip space on his big pink ass they're so dramatic when it comes to like the temperature in the courtroom is a freezing ice box recovering stolen documents is an assassination attempt but this go go that's just tourism that's I mean that's just a just a friendly group of Out of Towners learning about democracy firsthand we got a few other bits of tid from these unsealed uh filings in Florida turns out the special Council believes Trump did even more to obstruct the investigation than we'd previously known uh looks like Trump moved the boxes of classified documents out of marago and then realized he had to move them back in without it being captured on security cameras this is Trump's right-hand man Walt naada moving some large boxes All In fairness this could have been Trump's Burger King order that day but we also learned that maral Ardo had stolen documents in his bedroom in his bathroom and scattered around on the floor basically he had docents ments everywhere Shaggy got caught having sex in the song it wasn't me the judge wrote notably no excuses provided as to how the former president could miss the classified Mark documents found in his own bedroom at Mara Lago I know how they were on the floor and the man can't see his feet of course he missed but who knows I mean he might not ever even be tried for this of all the cases against Trump the documents case is is the most open and shut but it has been delayed indefinitely by a judge Who was appointed by Donald Trump in case you're looking for conflicted judge alen Cannon is playing some kind of prevent defense while the Supreme Court is still rubbing their chins over Trump's ridiculous argument that he has total immunity from prosecution that's a toughy Justice Alo has been thinking about it so hard he accidentally flew his American flag right side up today which meanwhile Trump picked up a bigly endorsement this afternoon from one of his most bitter opponents so I will be voting for Trump oh she really is a birdb brain he was right Nikki Haley says she's voting for Donald Trump and after all the nice things they said about each other why not Donald Trump's not watching out for the Republican Party he's not watching out for America he's watching out for himself does anybody know who bird Brin is if you mock the service of a combat veteran you don't deserve a driver's license let alone being president of the United States she's not tough enough she's not smart enough and she wasn't respected enough I mean when he goes off the teleprompter he's unhinged he's totally unhinged she's very uh rude do you notice that he is unhinged he is more diminished bird brain Nikki bird BR he's just toxic and when I watched her in the fancy dress that probably wasn't so fancy chaos follows Donald Trump bird brain that's Nikki Haley everything he touches is chaos tricky Nicki we can't win if Donald Trump is the nominee I will say this until my last breath well I guess it must be her last breath then I don't know because she is going to vote for him ah he's blubber she's glue I guess and then we have Rudy Giuliani who I mentioned last night is $151 million in the whole and doing his best to chip away at that debt by selling beans it's the very very very best beans uh that you can get uh araba rather than robusto absolutely no robusto or high quality beans that's right the best beans not a robusto in the bunch yesterday juliani was arraigned over zoom in Arizona he's charged with election crimes there and when they went to him listen closely because it sounds like he was in the bathroom doing a live stream of his own here number 66 on today's calendar uh 66 is uh CR 2024 is that me yes it's you Mr juliani just calling 20246 get that man some flowmax because his prostate is the size of a snow globe there is so much madness out there right now Fox News all you can figure is they must think Joe Biden's doing a good job because they're at the point now where they're just completely making stuff up when he puts out these videos that his social media team puts out of him there should be a stroke warning for how many jump Cuts they have because I'd imagine it takes 20 to 30 takes to get one sentence at a time I mean this is embarrassing but the left knows and that's why I firmly believe Joe will not be the nominee in November all of this is just testing the waters for when they swap him out for Gavin Nome wait and watch the calls for him to step down are going to intensify within the next couple of months maybe Joe should identify as Gavin Nome good one JW um conspiracy or not this is an interesting Theory one that seems to be shared by many in the Republican Party even though it makes almost no sense it would give Gavin Newsome almost no time to campaign hundreds of millions of dollars spent promoting Joe Biden would be wasted and not least of all Gavin Newsome is very focused on running our state a message from the 40th Governor of California what's up guys it's your Ling G here to drop some nah about prop 83 prop 83 is a spending Bill designed to make new investments in a freaking buttton of underfunded sectors in our great state like renewable energy C leads the nation's solar power which is rad but what about lunar power I believe the Moon is capable of so much more than just controlling your aunt Dianne's ovulation cycle oh take it take it take it take it thank you let's put the moon to work for us you know we crush it when it comes to whatever bra drug laws but prop 83 hits different allowing Californians to keep up to 7 oz of hallucinogenic toad venom for personal use plus 2 gallons of synthetic po and Rando guatemal and lab bought with crypto off the dark web bsing 83 also incentivizes the best and brightest in Tech to live and work in Silicon Valley by making vaping in offices hospitals and Ferrari dealerships mandatory can I hit that sure but I only Vape Mero Mar who and with prop 83 everybody gets a black friend like my man Nate Nate Nate here Nate and I love to hang on the weekends and do the stuff that Nate loves to do I like bird watching whatever prop 83 gets binoculars for all especially the Blind and earmarks 200 million to build a museum at Zack Efron's birthplace so future Generations can learn about the High School Musical franchise his nutritional regimen Zach's AB routine as well lost another black friend daddy man oh one hundo Hey brother can I get a squirt of that good stuff so do me a solad to ensure a bright future for all golden Stater skaters and vote Yes on Prop 83 hey do you watch [Music] Birds paid for by the middle-aged woman rooting through Zack Efron's trash the

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 2,269,328

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Hollywood, Los Angeles, West Coast, Slash, STI’s, STD’s, WHO, Neanderthals, Marjorie Taylor Greene, MTG, Donald Trump, Trump, Joe Biden, FBI, Mar-A-Lago, Trump Trial, Classified documents, Nikki Haley, Rudy Giuliani, Fox News, Gavin Newsom, California

Id: c6Z-uJvQxio

Length: 14min 1sec (841 seconds)

Published: Thu May 23 2024