Nuns Sexually Abused These Women For Years. Now Survivors Speak Out.

the nun sister Eileen the sexual pedophile who started abusing me when I was 15 was clearly 36 and had taken the vows of poverty chastity and obedience she stole from my body my mind and my soul the woman was a thief who did not keep her vows no that's her the swelling's box in my apartment on my bed that was my bed this is a metal that has the date of her vows she would take it off of herself at night and put it on me and then we would have sex not a relationship sex and then in the morning it would go back on her it was the seal of confessional or the seal of sila it worked I was silent for how many years [Music] we went every Sunday to church I went to Catholic school you know nuns were my teachers from kindergarten on so now I was accepted into Paramus Catholic one of the girls high schools sister Eileen she would picked me up for the middle school day take me to a motel we'd stay in the hotel for hours and then she'd bring me back to school so I was there for dismissal I mean really honestly in her hand around my waist the way it is let's be serious this is not a hello girlfriend picture why didn't they stop her nobody questions a nun I mean a nun nobody challenged her she owned me [Music] abuse occurs in the dark abuse occurs when there is secrecy the Catholic Church for years has been shrouded with secrecy abuse fosters in that sort of setting what's fascinating about it is what happens in Camden New Jersey is what happens in Santa Fe New Mexico what happens in Milwaukee Wisconsin it's similar it's not close to identical in every state in this country and across the world really you asked me if I knew anyone else and I said yes we all do well why are they not coming out well because the boys thought they were the only ones 400 years the girls think they're the only ones they don't have any other survivors see I was born in st. Louis Missouri my dad was a good Christian man very into his church very involved with his church always put all five kids through Catholic grade school when I went to Catholic High School's seventh grade I met this nun sister Judith Fisher and I remember I was in one of the front seats I think second row over front seat and she looked there right down at me and smiled at me and I thought of you know because I felt a little neglected at home and I was teacher's pet a lot which I hated but still it felt good to be special so she made some joke to me I forget what it was but like we're gonna be friends or we're gonna you know we're gonna do well and she she was this redhead she was funny just a different kind of energy so we were told this would be our homeroom teacher the next year and sure enough it was sister Judith Fisher that's when when I a world changed I was 13 years old she was 37 24 years my senior you heard a child that deep it's a spiritual rape and you are like branded for life so from now on it colors everything this is a necklace that she gave me it's got my name in cursive and on the other side it says 9 1971 that's when we met I guess that literally the sexual part started when I was 13 and ended when I was 19 when she had me spend the night at the convent down in that basement without somebody else we got in our pajamas I remember she pulled the shade that was on the door and the next time I spent the night she asked if I'd like to come over and sleep with her and I think the next time I spent the night there it was up in her bedroom and that's when she asked if she could touch me and it just became sexual all the time after that all she had to do to me was to be nice cuz there was nobody that was nice to me she cared like she wanted to be with me I was 15 I mean everything was in my favor here I'm hanging out with this really cool 36 year old full habit nun everything was so manipulative oh that's my brother Peter and that's my sister Kate and that's down at the shore house sister Eileen shore house and I thought it was the kind of thing that she could possibly have done to include my siblings I think that's grooming it was a pacifier for me it worked very well she became my mother I mean there's no doubt in my mind now looking back she became my mother what mothers don't sleep with their children sister Judith had been getting real close with my mom who was a substitute teacher and would come and help out in the principal's office the principal was sister Ruth so my mom she got close to sister Ruth and we became like a foursome they'd come with my mom and watch swim practice from the car and then we go for ice cream I would go to the ground round or we go to flaming pit or the leather bottle or we were always just like waiting by the phone with the nuns call and for the next couple of years my mom sister Ruth's sister Judith and I did everything together my mom didn't know anything that was going on if we were sleeping in a room with two double beds I'd sleep with my mom Judy would sleep with Ruth but Judy and I would arrange to sleep where the aisle was and we'd hold hands across the cavity while they were sleeping she always always described it as God's love this is God's love nobody else is going to understand it my mom and dad found out when they found winnie-the-pooh calendared and I had put it underneath my mattress it had things like Judy kissed me we made love we had a fight went to the convent again and so that was their awakening to it and knowing how attached and flattered my mom was and she'd given up all her friends I'd given up all my friends our life was these two nuns to the point where my dad I think was even jealous then when they found the calendar went to the Monsignor all of a sudden everything had to stop nobody could know he asked my dad not to bring scandal to his parish and my dad did everything for that parish so he kept quiet and he believed that they would fix it and reprimand her and that there was no need to go to the police the push was for me to stop being involved with the nun and my push was to fight against that I started lying just so that I could have alibis so that I could go meet her there's just lots of little cards and things here's one starts with dear Brett she called me twerp she called me Pooh Bear just all these little pet names dear brat for the book thank you for being you Thank You Love SJ well hearing love from a nun and it's then say sister Judith that was SJ Wow nuns kind of get a free ride you think of women as being nurturing and you trust them more and when it's done gently and sweetly and they paint it to be to your benefit you believe it it's a true form of brainwashing I have to believe that because how else could I have been so blinded it ruined my high school years I was no longer involved in things I thought my parents were against me and my family no it went on till I was 19 when I tried a couple times to kill myself once in high school once in college I was in my early 40s and I was seeing a therapist and she tried to tell me it was abuse and I would defend Judy say no no no she loved me and before I left the office she said and a rose is a rose is a rose a pedophile is a pedophile he is a pedophile and I left her office that day thinking oh my god could it be that it really was abuse and that was the time and Jesus that was 40-something 4142 sucks my uncle got me I was about five um the first time he touched me I was a little kid I was a I was a really little kid and well I was sitting on his lap his fingers were rolling around underneath my skirt my dress it was a dress I did not want to be any place near him I was afraid of him I'm five years old two thirteen years old [Music] I joined a 12-step recovery group I thought I was there to get better from alcoholism and I was at alcoholic because my uncle had raped me in a confessional I didn't think I was a alcoholic because of her and yet she was the first person that gave me alcohol and drugs continually oh yeah I protected Eileen I didn't talk about her in group I didn't talk about her on a one-on-one I didn't talk about it my sponsors they were the first ones that said this is not a relationship and I thought they were crazy she told me she loved me she bought me presents she took me all over alone camping sleeping in the same sleeping bag I said that's not a relationship that's sex I'm like it's a relationship you know no it wasn't a relationship that's psychological manipulation which is an additional burden to sort of sort out because a psychological gets mixed in with the sex abuse and is this love is this manipulation is this what what happened to me and oftentimes what we're seeing is only through that you know adult mature perspective do you then realize hey these people were taking advantage of me they've done case studies on that too absolutely that professionals have looked at that this and the average age for someone who comes forward is early 50s so it's not even I won't even call it phenomenon it's what happens with abuse victims by the time Trish got her life together in the 90s to realize that what had happened to her over the past almost 20 years was abuse and exploitation she was way outside the statute of limitations in the state of New Jersey there was no lawsuit there there was no option for Trish the laws in the United States historically have been very limited in terms of allowing claims past age 18 which is adulthood most victims not real tell their 50 the implications of the abuse in their life by then there's no remedy available to them and we're talking statues of limitation of three years five years eight years that only takes you to 26 if the average age is 51 53 55 even by the most liberal statutes of limitation you're way beyond any opportunity to seek any meaningful relief so if mine started at 13 by the time I am 2025 I can't do anything about it and they can be in another state and get out of that state before that expires worst comes to worst if they get proven their defrocked poor babies then what they're set up in retirement systems that are wonderful they play pool they're usually right next to a schoolyard and it's been going on for over 300 years and the Vatican has it all and it's documented and they're more powerful than our government they don't have to open their files I was one of the few victims that had lots of evidence years and years of letters notes tapes videos jewelry trips receipts books all sorts of things so I had proof and what'd she do she denied it all and before she was deposed she up and died I wished that I could get some answers that we could talk about it that she could come clean it wasn't the money I was after it was just some closure [Music] I think I feel strong enough to tell my story right now because there's not a lot to lose I am Who I am people who love me love me for all my flaws I can't imagine something happened to me in life that would hurt me like this has so I think I've reached that pinnacle if I should die tomorrow I'd be sad if I had not spoken when I could have if there's some kid or parent they would hear me because it's real and it's it's the kind of wound that stays no matter how strong you are no matter how much therapy you get no matter how many loves you have or diversions or excuses it's a it's a spiritual rape it really is it really is it doesn't go away it steals your faith I envy people who have faith [Music] [Music] that's what's important about statutory reform when the statutes bad the Catholic Church gets to dictate the terms you know two touches is worth X and you have to settle ultimately because your case may be thrown out of court when the abuse survivor holds the power they can say I have a story I've been damaged and I get to tell it to 12 of my peers who can decide what the Catholic Church did and how I've been damaged are you okay if I read the response to you yes I'm here for that in 1994 the leadership of the Sisters of Charity of st. Elizabeth removed her from ministry and referred the situation to the congregations response team for investigation the response team engaged in a detailed investigation and substantiated the sisters improper conduct following the settlement and for the past 25 years sister Eileen Shaw has been subject to a program of restrictions and therapy including removal from ministry as well as being unable to work with individuals under 21 years of age she accepts responsibility for her actions and the harm that they have caused she continues to pray daily about this I don't want her prayers she took my life she took my sexuality she took my spirituality she ruined any boundaries that I ever had in my life I lost my family over her I'm in recovery now since 1994 I've been stumbling with this and she's got lifetime therapy because she's a sexual pervert there's something wrong with this I've spent so much of my life trying to heal you know whether it's an art or music or you know thinking I couldn't draw I can't draw it's just anything to get out of myself I feel like I'm in a hole again I can see the friggin blue sky but I can't get up I feel like I'm doing that right now of my life why does she get to live on the blue sky the pink cloud and I'm in the dungeon I never hurt anybody [Music]

Channel: HuffPost

Views: 5,206,505

Rating: 4.8389535 out of 5

Keywords: huffington post, huffpost, abuse, catholic, catholic church, nun

Id: OQcbtLOcHtg

Length: 19min 28sec (1168 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 11 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/35PercentBeef]

Never knew it was an issue with nuns as well. I guess I am a clueless person who grew up in a Catholic family, but what the hell is up with sexual abuse in Catholicism?

[u/Gladdus]

I attended a catholic primary and secondary school in the UK, and although I never experienced any sexual abuse, the nuns in my primary school were borderline psychopathic, and I can vividly remember watching a girl in my class being forced to eat half a bar of soap by one of the sisters (sister Declan) for supposedly swearing, as her mother stood watching approvingly.

In my secondary school (which I left after two years) there was more violence than you could possibly believe, and many was the time that a teacher would beat up a pupil in the corridor as if it was nothing.

I myself got hit on the backside with my own training shoe by my PE teacher because I didn’t sit down fast enough, and the force used was so great that it left huge bruise, after which I left and attended a non-religious school, that by contrast seemed so much safer.

[u/joelle__a]

The Keepers?

[u/sifumokung]

Nuns molested my mother in the late 50's. She had already been molested by a priest. She never stopped being catholic.

The cult is strong when you have a pope and your own sovereign nation.

Fuck the church.

[u/davtruss]

While I appreciate the comments about abusers seeking out positions of authority and adults being left without accountability by other adults, it is incredibly important for all you Catholics, or Baptists, etc., to understand that teaching children that sexual desire, or confusion, or reasonably normal sexual activity is somehow a sin, that must be confessed, or repented of, at risk of one's immortal soul being condemned to hell, IS IN ITSELF child abuse.

One day, the rule of law will be amended to remove children from parents who teach this and entrust their children to people who lasciviously extract every last detail of a child's private thoughts and actions, as if God demanded such nonsense.

I acknowledge the good that people of faith do, but the scale weighs heavily against mucking around in the minds of children and young adults, who need counselors and experts more than salvation. My mentally ill fundamentalist sister screams that it's not about this world, it's about the next, but if she's right, she will burn in hell for teaching my home schooled nieces and nephews that the bunker and the firearms are part of God's plan.

[u/yes_u_suckk]

The worst part for me is how the Catholic Church has a free pass on the thousands of cases of rape of children through the years and they are still there up and running as if nothing happened!

Let's think about any other institution in the world, maybe a company, a sports team, an association, whatever... if ANY OF THEM had so many cases of their members raping children then they would be finished by now. Any person with a tiny bit of decency would be ashamed to say that he works for that company, that he is a member of that association or that he supports that sports team. But with the Catholic Church, they simply do nothing!

And before someone says "well, but you cannot blame the whole Catholic Church for the bad behaviour of some of its members...", I say: YES, I CAN! There are countless cases of rapists inside the church that were NEVER punished by the church. They were at most moved to a different place and continued to work (sometimes, they even continued to work with children) as if nothing happened. There are documents proving how the church deliberately tried to cover the rape cases, instead of punishing the rapist.

It's for reasons like this that I completely despise the Catholic Church and I also despise anyone that after knowing all those stories of rape and how the church tried to cover them, still follows this religion.

[u/[deleted]]

Catholic guilt is a legit thing. It suppresses people who would normally not feel guilt about sex. It really messes people up. I've seen many sexually messed up Catholics. It's sad really.

[u/TastyDonutYUMYUN]

God people are sickening

[u/ReleaseTheKraken72]

I think one of the victims in this documentary brought up an interesting point when she said that this kind of child sex abuse and coverup has been going on within the catholic church for at least 300 years. It is that systemic. Think about that. More than 300 years ago, catholic popes and priests and nuns used to have particular children they kept very close to them, to use sexually. People were so used to it then, that the child was given an actual title: a "catamite". This has been going in for literally centuries. Within the catholic organization it slowly morphed into a secretive system that became very much more buried by the church to keep it away from the eyes of the secular world. I think much of the old-school catholic organization in Rome still believe that using children sexually has become almost traditional within the catholic system, and that they believe children can't be raped! I believe comments have been made publicly to that effect by high ranking Roman priests, bishops and cardinals in the past!! I am too sleepy at this moment to Google it to provide links to back my opinions up, but the reliable documentation of all this is out there on the web, including information about medieval "traditions" of child abuse within the church from 500 years ago.