NEVER DO THIS WHEN CHOOSING A MAN by RC BLAKES

[Music] hello hello hello hello this is rc blakes and i am so excited to be able to share with you once again i want you to just buckle up we have a good discussion today and i'd love for you to invite some people to come in i don't know if you can invite people on other platforms but i'd love for you to invite some people to come in into our discussion i want to talk about some common mistakes that you should never make when choosing a man you know my my focus is to empower many times most of the time it is to empower women to make wiser decisions in the relationship arena and that's for a lot of reasons that's because i recognize that the world has conditioned the woman to work against her own best interest that's what i mean by female slave conditioning the world has intentionally conditioned you to work against your own best interest and as a man it it was it was perverted male society that has enslaved the woman put chains on her brain and causes the woman to look at herself beneath her truest standard the standard that the creator made you for and so personally i believe that men have the responsibility of doing everything we can to repair that damage because we are responsible if not for your particular damage we are responsible for the emotional psychological and sometimes physical damage to so many other women and so when a man comes into consciousness king consciousness it is it becomes his one of his main objectives is to do everything he can to restore and to replenish womanhood so this is what motivates and drives me to be quite honest with you um and then of course when a man becomes a father and if he has a daughter he begins to look at the world differently and so i want to deal with you from that perspective tonight i want to kind of almost this is somewhat of a father-daughter talk this could have this stuff could have very well been in uh the book the father-daughter talk some of it i think is actually but let's get started let's jump right in i have about five five things that i want to share with you briefly i don't want to be too long so kind of buckle up stay with me get your get something to write with and let's get let's get into this number one five things a woman should never do when choosing a man never ignore your intuition never ignore your intuition now for those of you that are more spiritual you'll say your spirit you know don't ignore your spirit don't ignore your discernment it's really pretty much all the same thing never ignore your intuition there's a part in you that moves you when something is right and that pardon you also moves you when something is wrong one of the biggest mistakes women make is to ignore that inner voice when it's saying red flag maybe there are no flags flying but there's something on the inside of you that's saying this is not good this is not good he's saying all of the right things he's making all of the right moves he looks the right way but yet there's something in you that's nagging and it's saying to you run run run and you ignore it you ignore it because there's another part of you that says everything checks out he looks good you know i've been waiting a long time i want companionship and um you know i'm just not going to be negative nancy and even when you try to talk yourself out of it there's still that voice on the inside of you saying this is not the guy this is not the guy and you ignore it and there are many of you that can testify right now that you ended up with a lifetime of pain because you ignored that voice when you're choosing a man never ignore man that does or never choose a man rather that does not agree with your spirit never choose a man never settle on a man that does not agree with your spirit if he disturbs something on the inside of you there is something off spiritually and that is really the protective voice of the holy spirit trying to save you but you see you can't hear that voice and you can't you certainly cannot obey that voice unless you are a whole individual and by that i mean you're a woman that's not searching for you're not desperate for identity or purpose through relationship see if you're searching for uh identity or purpose in a relationship it means that you're not healthy and it means that you should not even be on the market because you have some self work to do so if you're sitting there and you're you're completely and totally depressed because you don't have a relationship you don't need one not now you need you need to do some self-work you need a counselor you need a therapist you need somebody that can help you to locate yourself find yourself and your reason and purpose for being and when you become whole and happy as an individual now you're conditioned to entertain or engage a relationship but if you're not whole you will never you will never adhere to that voice on the inside of you saying this guy is not right this is why in many cases you have chosen the wrong man multiple times and every time you've heard that voice you've not been able to walk away because you're viewing relationships as a means of identity and purpose without a relationship i have no purpose i have no identity what a sad state of affairs the bible says in job 32 and 8 there's but there's a spirit in man and the inspiration of the almighty giveth them understanding there's a spirit within you and the inspiration god inspires you from within your spirit and he gives you what understanding when when you have that sense within you that's nothing to ignore that's the voice of god saying to you this is dangerous territory run forest run never ignore your intuition number two never chase never chase a man let him win you never chase a man let him win you now let me let me dig into this one because there's there's a there there's there's a lot of rhetoric and teaching and opinions out here today that um say that it's cool for a woman to chase a man that a woman should chase a man never never never never you see because a classical man the kind of man that would in other words listen to this very carefully a classical man and i'm going to get into in a little while different types of men but a classical man a man that would be faithful a man that would be a provider a man that would make for great husband material a man that is looking for a wife a classical man does not want to be chased by a woman the quickest way to lose a man that would make for great husband material a man that is equipped to commit is to chase him only pimps want to be chased pimps want to be chased kings want to conquer did you catch that pimps want to be chased pimps want to string a woman out so that she's chasing him and she's begging him and and you know but kings want to conquer king doesn't appreciate anything that he did not have to conquer if it came too easily he doesn't have much respect for it he doesn't have much regard for it because watch this when when you as a woman when you chase a classical man a king of a man a man that would be husband material what happens is you confuse the synergy of the male female energy you see in the winner we're in a weird time in life where in the world where uh men have a lot of feminine energy and women have a lot of you know masculine energy and all of that kind of thing but when you have a real man that would make a great husband he does not want you chasing him it confuses the synergy of male female energy watch this and this is what i mean by that a real man is not going to be turned on or moved by a woman that is aggressively pursuing him he's going to be turned off because he's looking for more than sex he's not he's not he's not just in this for the sex game he's trying to find a wife and a real man does not want a woman that's so aggressive that she will chase him now watch this flip the coin you chase a man and say he relents and you get him after wow you're going to become frustrated with him because the mere fact that he submitted to your chase signifies a sense of femininity and at some point you're going to want him to be the aggressor you're supposed to be the man why aren't you so aggressive but you you failed to remember that you started the relationship on a foundation of your aggressively pursuing him so you had a man that was um timid laid back um you know whatever you want to call it from the beginning and now now when things really matter now you realize that the chemistry's off you you're physically attracted to one another but you're misfiring he's not impressed with you know real man is not going to be impressed with you so aggressively pursuing him he's going to move on if you if you pursue a man and you happen to catch him at a certain point you're going to become frustrated with him because when you need him to step up and you need him to be the aggressor and you need him to be the hunter it may not be in him you see a real man a king a man is always looking for trophies and usually when we use that phrase trophy wife you know we're thinking in terms of a woman that looks a certain way and all of that kind of thing but it's more than that really to be quite honest with you a trophy wife is a woman that is so exclusive and to some extent so elusive that the man feels special to have won her when you become the kind of woman i read this on instagram somewhere i'm trying to remember it when you become the kind of woman that does not need a man you then become the woman a man needs never chase i don't care what people tell you never chase when you're doing the chasing you lose your feminine appeal it's something that's um strangely uh unattractive about a woman that's too aggressive and desperate i've been i've been a man i'm 56 years old i've lived a little bit there's something strangely unattractive about a woman that's too aggressive well what do you mean by chase calling calling more than him calling too much calling too much always being the one to uh set up dates you never you never allow him to set up a date you never sit back and allow him to express some interest in you you know popping up in in places where he where he's at um going public all over social media before he said anything changing your relationship profile you just had two or three dates you're chasing you're chasing you got to calm down you got to calm down because any man that is husband material wants you to be the kind of woman that is exclusive and elusive can't be a woman that's just you know and the bible says in first corinthians 11 and 7 says for man indeed ought not to cover his head for as much as he is the image and glory of god watch this part but the woman is the glory of the man a man wants a woman that when he wins her he can be proud of her you know his the the the the the crown and jewel of his world is his woman because she's exclusive she hadn't been all around with all these different people and all over the instagram every six months with a different man and all this kind of thing and she wasn't easy i had to work for her number three never choose relationship status over an actual relationship that's a mistake that many women make it's really a compromise it's not like you don't know what you're doing you know that this is just relationship status and not an actual relationship well what do you mean how do i well you know it because um dude's been cheating on you from day one you've been with this cat for five six years he's been cheating on you the whole wow but you'd rather be able to say i'm in a relationship and it's complicated than to be alone to be single to be whole because that's what single means you'd rather be in uh relationship status than to actually have a relationship and here's the sad thing about parking in relationship status is that you're not available for a real man that will give you a real relationship you're preoccupied with a man that is ill-equipped to commit but at the same time you have him occupying a where a real man would come into your life and give you a real relationship that will actually fulfill you so you have relationship status but you don't have peace you have relationship status but you're not fulfilled you're aging you're worried you're crying you're sad you're depressed you say you need this to be happy but you're depressed you're confused you should never choose relationship status over an actual relationship it's better to be by yourself than just to have a relationship status because a real relationship listen to me well now let me teach a real relationship is a mutual exchange of interest sacrifice respect and growth all of those are components of a relationship interest i'm interested in you as you're interested in me i'm not just running behind you we're pursuing each other sacrifice we're equally sacrificing for this thing we respect we have equal respect he's not telling you you got to submit to me and he's not honoring you there's mutual respect and then there's mutual growth we're growing at the same rate we're growing at the same pace that's a relationship but when you just have status there's you know there's no connection for real y'all just come together to have sex and then you just all you're just all over the place but you got status you're not happy you're not fulfilled you're not really accomplishing much you may be making some money together or whatever but it's it's it's not it's not what god intended but it's what you settled for so is it just about relationship status or is it an actual relationship does he have the capacity for relationship are you with a man that's emotionally unavailable and really does not have the capacity for a relationship but you just like the idea of having somebody that you call your man somebody that you can go to dinner with take pictures with is he looking for watch this is is is this guy actually looking for a relationship with you let me public service announcement psa just because he's having sex with you doesn't mean that he's looking for a relationship see in your world having sex means relationship it actually means some level of love but in in many in the world of many men having sex is just that is having sex is like having it's like exercise there are three different types of men that i want to talk about here when i talk about never choose relationship status over an actual relationship there are three different types of men number one you have the misogynist this is the man who's driven by toxic masculinity and believes he's superior to the woman just because he has genitals just because he's a man he's he's sick he lacks the fundamental character he he lacks the empathy the understanding might i say the emotional intelligence to actually be a meaningful partner to any woman he's um by training or by nature a narcissist he's better known as a pimp he's the one that is intentionally running game to control you he wants to control your mind he wants to create soul ties he wants you feening for him sad reality is that the world conditions the woman to be attracted to this guy you want the man nobody can have they can have sex with him but they can't have the man that's the one you want and then you have the other guy who's um he's weak yeah he's a weak guy and he's um he doesn't have any backbone you know you can rule him you can run him you can tell him tell him jump he's just going to ask you how high and and there's a there's a term that they use now called simp yeah i don't know exactly what that means but i gather it means a guy that just jumps through hoops for a woman and so you might settle with the pimp and he'll just he'll pimp you for the rest of your life he'll just pimp you yeah if you strung out or you might settle for the simp you might settle for the little weak guy and you'll never feel safe you'll never feel protected you'll never feel covered because he's always waiting on you to make the decisions he's always waiting on you to tell him what to do he's not man enough to be able to lead a household so you got pimps you got simps and some folk thought that it ended with that but there's a third category you got kings pimps get old sims get disrespected kings get queens and conquer kingdoms if you want a real relationship with a man that you can grow with a man that you can conquer with you're going to have to wait on you're going to have to leave your life available long enough for a king to come around those who say i've been waiting for a man i've been wait and it ain't working you've never left your life available and you either had your life occupied preoccupied with one of these other with one of these clowns or one of these little men that's um too weak to actually lead you to too weak to actually be a man and now i'm saying to you that you have to you have to make up your mind are you going to choose relationship status over actual relationship now the king is a gentleman a gentleman comes in all shapes and sizes you can't look at a man and determine if he's relationship material now you can look at a man and you can tell if he he makes an attractive sexual experience for you and that's what most do you just kind of look at a man that sex thing gets to moving in you get carried away with that to know if a man has relationship potential means that you have to explore his soul which calls for what questions how can you how can you explore the soul of a person questions questions questions reveal motives queens ask questions that only kings can answer see pims can't answer questions not you know not on a serious level simpson or i don't know how i picked up that term but we guys you know that that are not leaders and don't have the kind of testosterone you need to be able to respect they can't answer many questions they don't have answers they relying on you but kings have answers questions like where are you going in life what's what's what's the next five years gonna look like for you okay well this one this is what this would do um okay they don't get throwed um what are your plans relationally well i want to be married ultimately what kind of woman do you want okay this i want a woman this is a woman and see kings are not going to give you superficial answers they're not going to talk about what she got to be a certain size and she got to wear a certain kind of dress and she had to have a certain color uh skin tone no no kings are gonna go to the soul that he needs his woman to have because kings realize you cannot build kingdoms on superficial material you have to have something concrete now the bible says in proverbs 20 and 6 most men will proclaim everyone his own goodness but a faithful man who can find you have to take your time if you want to locate a man that's capable of an actual relationship and you have to own the fact that you may be at a certain age and you don't have a man yet you have to own the fact that you've wasted a lot of years with a lot of people that never qualified number four never use sex as dating currency the world will teach you that if you want this from a man give him your body never use sex as dating currency see currency is something you exchange for something of equivalent value so my question is what does a man offer that's equivalent to your body never use sex as dating currency sex is not supposed to be used as dating currency ideally in my in my world and some of you all say i'm old folger and i'm outdated god bless you in my world sex ideally is supposed to be reserved for one's husband ideally now all of us you know you know you know how you know how the world go but you ought to always be shooting for a higher standard you ought not be around here using your body trying to win a man's appeal or approval should i say what does a man offer you that's equivalent to your body dinner you you're going you're going to exchange your body for dinner a lobster and steak is equivalent to your body drinks just just because he's keeping you company because he brought you gifts you put all this stuff together that's not that's not enough value for you to give your body to a man no no no no whenever you exchange sex for something short of exclusive lifetime commitment you are selling your dignity for whatever you're getting so you're gonna sell your dignity for lobster you're gonna sell your dignity just to say okay let me put this on instagram you gonna sell your dignity for that the proper exchange for your body my sister is marriage if a man is not marriage material and if a man is not at least pointing in the direction of the altar he should never have the benefit of your body first corinthians 7 7-9 says for i would that all men were even as i myself but every man hath his proper gift of god paul was talking about how he was celibate he says but every man hath his proper gift of god one after this manner and another after that i say therefore to the unmarried and widows it is good for them if they abide even as if you you remain abstinent at least he says that's a great thing if you can do it but if they cannot contain let them marry for it is better to marry than to burn now the reason i pulled this text up is because paul makes it clear through his instruction that sex is within the context of marriage he says if you that hot you you need to be trying to get married bro see but he has to be he has to be a man he has to be a man of certain standards he has to be a king see kings are not comfortable with sexual relationships outside of the context of covenant so when a king becomes extremely attracted to a woman and she has everything that he knows he needs to move forward in life king set dates kings don't play because kings understand that you you have access to queens within the context of commitment in marriage now here's the thing you gotta understand ever use sex as dating currency sex does not equal love that's a mistake that many of you make you believe that sexual attraction is love because a man is sexually attracted to you and because a man is excited about your body and your shape you think that means he loves you listen to this statement very carefully i'll read it slowly because a man is sexually excited about you does not mean he's excited about you i know that you're cute and you find all of that and you think that you're blowing somebody's mind no no no no no no no because a man is sexually excited about you does not mean he's excited about you a man that is not developed who has an arrested development and his soul is is that of a pubescent little boy is only seeking to have sex he's seeking an act just because he's excite sexually excited about you does not mean he's excited about you he may not even like you men sleep with women they don't even like and while you're thinking that if i give if i if i give him sex and you have cats telling you you got to give up some sex you got to give up some sex while you're thinking if i give him sex it's going to uh i'm it's gonna get me in there i'm i'm gonna be the one listen sex gains sexual access but sexual access does not translate into acceptance or approval in other words a man will keep on sexing you and will never accept you as wife or approve of you as wife so you should never never never again never again use never again use sex as dating currency now watch this i didn't make that statement for you to get all down in the dumps about all the mistakes you made all of us have made mistakes all of us have made mistakes you but what happens is you got to you got to make the mistake you got to feel the pain you got to learn from it and you got to get up and you got to do better bottom line all that sitting around feeling sorry for yourself that ain't accomplishing nothing you got to feel it you got to understand it you got to mourn it you got to repent for it but you got to get up and you got to do better period and you don't need to sit there and beat yourself up and condemn yourself for what all of us have done myself included teaching you out of my own experiences and then number five and finally i'm out of here never choose style over substance never choose style over i know y'all big on swag but swag don't pay no bills bae swag does not fulfill you it may attract you but what attraction is not what it's gonna take to keep you you settle many times you settle for the surface aspects of a man and you never get to the substance you're so busy looking at what he's wearing what he's driving how he smells and all that's you know all of that's important it is because it's it's the it's the attraction thing you know but a lot of times you're caught up on that and listen to what the bible says in luke 12 15 he said unto them take heed and beware of covetousness for man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesses sometimes you're looking at the wrappings of the man and you don't dive deep to look at the substance of the man and so watch this you're looking at style and you get soul on style and then you get it home and you unwrap it you realize ain't nothing in it ain't no substance but now you you committed now you got buyer's remorse and watch this then you have another little man that's in your circle he may not know how to put his clothes on you know he may need a haircut he may not know where he may not know nothing about a good barber you know he he um he may not be a a six figure seven figure guy he may be just a hard working guy making 40 50 60 000 a year but he has a work ethic he has a good heart he loves god and he respects you but he he's not polished well let me submit this to you you can always as a woman when a man loves you you can always give a man style you can bring him to the manicure people get his nails done you can bring him to the people show him with a good suit dress him up and all of that you can always give a man style but you can't give a man substance if he doesn't have it if a man does not have character i don't care how much style he got you cannot give him character style will eventually mean less and there will be a time in your life as a woman that character is going to mean more see right now you you're thinking you're thinking more about profile than real value but what's gonna happen when you get older what's gonna happen when you have those children and your body change and you you and you you can't get back down to five what's going to happen even if you do have those children you get back down to five what's gonna happen when you get old and menopause hit and maybe maybe you gain weight you get depressed and you know him you know he got he got to really serve you now he has to really love you on another level um do you want style at that point or do you want substance see you have to make relational choices right now for your future you're choosing men that fit your little um what's the word i'm looking for shallow perspective of life presently you're just looking for an instagram picture but when you start talking about choosing a man you got to choose for your future and sometimes that's not the guy that's the most stylish he may not even be the most handsome you ought to be able to look at him but a whole lot of that is taking a man that has the right heart and then getting him a a you know a style coach or whatever you call it somebody that can teach him how to put himself together because you're gonna need substance over style and as long as you just as long as see the reason why a lot of i gotta say it now the reason why a lot of y'all still saying it ain't no men available is because all of y'all looking for the same one all you're looking for to do with swag but they got a little little dusty dude over there in the corner or if you're from if you're from where i'm from in the conda all he needed is a haircut somebody to get him a manicure put him put some clothes on him he has a work ethic he's a smart guy he loves god he loves you with all of his heart he's a one-woman man and all you got to do is be willing to put in a little work with him he got all of the substance he's going to be what you need and he's going to love you so much he's going to heal all of those hurts that you've had accumulated in your life so it boils down to choosing substance over style now that's my five that's my five at least for now the reason again you need the substance over the style is because all of this temporal stuff all of this superficial stuff that attracts you is not going to be enough to fulfill you and keep you the things that are going to be fulfilling are the internal qualities and how many women get to a point in life where they kept using the the style over the substance and the style kept dissipating like like like uh steam and then you get to a certain point in life and you look back over life and you say you know harold man i just that man loved me and that man wanted to marry me and now i'm looking at harold he's this and he's that and you realize that you passed over a real man reaching for an imaginary plastic i hope you all got something out of this let me pray for you father i thank you for i thank you for the anointing that is present to bring healing to hearts and father my prayers that you will allow the wisdom that i have shared with the people tonight to resonate in their hearts let them dear god catch what i'm saying in the spirit and god i pray that the transformation of lives will happen as the result of this dialogue this sharing this communion god i speak healing to broken hearts now i speak clarity to confused minds and i bless them in the name of jesus i love you all i really do i appreciate you so much and i hope that you're getting something out of our discussions now if you're in need of counseling you're sitting there and you're saying man i really need i really need counseling i'm not a counselor i'm not a therapist i'm a pastor and i'm a man in the description you will find a link for a counseling service called better help if you hit that link it will bring you there and search it out check it out see if it's see if it's your thing you can do it over the phone you can do it by internet and check it out sometimes you just got to have somebody to talk to now also i want you to go to my website rcblakes.com.com and i want you to subscribe to my mailing list i need you on my mailing list you know we're going towards at this point we're going towards 300 000 uh subscribers on youtube i need i need you guys on my uh mailing list and i know that you know got a lot of things going on but i want you to take a moment to just go and subscribe to my mailing list also don't forget to um check out my live events we're getting ready to do uh queenology 2.0 part 2 the second half in december of 2020 also getting ready to drop the date for kingology where we're going to have a one day cyber conference for guys we're going to do it i need you to go i need you to be on my website check it out and just look at the live events so that you can know what's going on don't forget to stop by check out all of my online programs i have queenology i have queenology 2.0 we have transcending the father wound soul ties breaking ties that bind and um wisdom for women in ministry these are online programs these are hours and hours and hours of content uninterrupted sitting down and i'm talking to you directly you have lifetime access and all of them are extremely affordable i made it that way so so that the world could take advantage of it go and check those out don't forget to stop by amazon pick up pick up any or all of my books i have so many it's going to be amazing to see what's going to happen in your life as you open your heart to wisdom feel the pain but watch the transformation feel the pain but watch the transformation and just know that lisa and i love you and i want to thank all of you that support us that give to us that you know it is it's just so humbling we love you we thank god for you and until next time just know that lisa and i love you and we appreciate you and you're on top and you're going higher god has more in store for you i will talk to you soon i love you with all my heart god bless you have a great one [Music] you

Channel: RC Blakes, Jr

Views: 198,878

Rating: 4.9308357 out of 5

Keywords: #Rcblakes, #QUEENOLOGY, #Empowerment

Id: U1ZUJOm7RRs

Length: 50min 38sec (3038 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 19 2020