NCLS 2016 -- Simon Sinek

ladies and gentlemen is an honor to present to you mr. simon Sinek the date is August 16 2002 and high above a valley in the middle of the night in Afghanistan are two a-10s just hanging out above the clouds it's a beautiful beautiful night the moon is full it lights up the top of the cloud like the snow has just fallen one of the pilots callsign Johnny Bravo an Academy grad is hanging out up there and he decides is going to go down and have a look because down below there's 22 Special Operations Forces who are making their way through the valley trying to extract a high-value target Johnny Bravo can hear over the radio that the guys seem nervous they feel like something bad is going to happen so he tells his wingmen hang out up here I'm gonna go down and have a look he points his plane down towards the clouds and just as he's about to break into the clouds the call comes over the radio again troops in contact now there's no question he has to get down there the plane thrash is about as he makes his way through the cloud cover and when he finally pops out down below he's less than a thousand feet off the ground the valley is a mile and a half wide at its widest point he's flying at 350 knots he's got no ground-hugging radar didn't have it on the planes yet he's got night-vision goggles on which which blocks his peripheral vision and he's greeted by a scene that he's never seen before not in training not in the movies so much tracer fire coming from the sides of the mountains that lights up the whole place he doesn't even know where to begin he just picks a point on the map and starts laying down cover fire and to avoid hitting a cliff there's some quick calculations in his head he knows his speed he knows from these old Russian maps that he's got where the mountain is and he counts out loud as he lays down cover one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand four one thousand five one thousand at the right time he pulls hard on the stick that pulls a haiji turn because back up into the clouds comes around again for another run one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand four one thousand five one thousand good hits good hits comes over the radio it goes for another run one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand four one thousand five one thousand runs out of ammunition fuel is good flies back to the top of the cloud cover again and tells his wingman we need to get back down there the two of them fly back down through the cover back into the valley a few hundred feet off the ground three hundred fifty knots a mile and a half wide at its widest point Johnny Bravo counts while his wingman lays down cover one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand four one thousand and again one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand four one thousand five one thousand that night twenty two Americans went home alive with zero casualties I met Johnny Bravo low-key guy not looking for metal not looking for recognition or a reality TV show just doing his Jo B as he puts it and I asked him a question a very simple question I said what you did that day shouldn't have been done that's those are not flyable conditions and no one would have ordered you to do that and no one would have been angry at you if you said I can't get down there I said you risked your life for those guys you've got a wife you've got three kids why did you do it and he gave me the same answer that all of these people that we call heroes give he said because they would have done it for me in the middle in the military you give medals to people who are willing to sacrifice themselves that others may gain I come from the private sector in the private sector we give bonuses to people who are willing to sacrifice others so that we may gain and I had a very simple desire I want to work with people like that and so my initial conclusion was that you're better people and this group of better people are attracted to life in the military because they're attracted to the notion of service and the more I started to study and the more I started to learn I realized it's not you sorry what I learned was it's not the people it's the environment get the environment right and that's the behavior that happens we are social animals and we respond to the environment we're in you can take a good person and put them in a bad environment and they are capable of doing bad things likewise you can take a person that maybe has done prior bad acts but maybe the group has given up on and you put them in a good environment and they're capable of returning their lives around and becoming remarkable productive members of the group this goes back since the dawn of man our very survival as a species is because of our ability to work together by ourselves we're not very strong we can't lift heavy weights by ourselves were not very smart but in groups we can solve any problem any problem that needs to be solved we can solve together it's what keeps us alive fifty thousand years ago in this in the Paleolithic time Paleolithic era we were not the only hominid species that existed there were others they died off and we survived and it wasn't just because of our big brains it's because we work together the problem is these things called trust and cooperation these essential components for not only our ability to survive but thrive our ability to do things together solve problems the problem with trust and cooperation is they're not instructions they're feelings I can't order you to trust me there's no briefing I can give at the conclusion you will trust me it doesn't exist nor can I instruct two people to cooperate I can instruct two people to work together but cooperation means that I can hand something off to you and trust that you will work to the best of your ability to do it and I don't need to double check your work cooperation means that I can turn my back and I trust that you won't stab me that is a feeling and that feeling the sense of trust and cooperation is absolutely essential for our ability to get things done you can just imagine living in these Paleolithic times if I didn't trust you it meant that I can't fall asleep at night but because I can trust you I can I know that you will wake me and alert me to danger right so you could just imagine what life must have been like in these Paleolithic times this world filled with danger this world filled with all of these forces that were working very very hard to kill us nothing personal it's just the way it was whether it was bad weather lack of resources wild animals whatever it was and so evolved into these social animals where we lived and worked amongst others around whom we felt safe and when we felt the circle of safety around us the natural human response to those conditions is trust in cooperation when we do not feel safe amongst our own the natural human response to those conditions is cynicism paranoia mistrust and self-interest nothing has changed in our modern day and age the world is still filled with dangers in the outside world it's the unpredictability of an economy it's the ups and downs of a stock market in the military you have your sister services you're all fighting for money literally trying to steal from each other get more right there are real dangers we have bad actors and enemies that would do us harm we have no control of any of these dangers in the outside world they are a constant the only variable are the conditions inside the organization and that's why we have leaders because leaders set the conditions get the conditions right trust and cooperation are the normal result get the conditions wrong cynicism paranoia mistrust and self-interest prevail let me give you a real-life scenario of what this looks like I was getting ready to board an aircraft for a flight I was taking a business trip and a scene played out in front of me one of the passengers attempted to board the plane before their group number was called which as you all know is a felony at least that's how the gate agent treated him step aside sir I haven't called your group yet please step aside and wait till I call your group is basically how she talked to him so I spoke up I said why do you have to talk to us that way why don't you talk to us like we're human beings and she looked me in the eye and said sir if I don't follow the rules I could get in trouble or lose my job all she revealed to me was that she does not feel safe inside her own organization and her own leaders do not trust her to do her job and guess who suffers customer and organization the reason we love flying Southwest Airlines is not because they have this magical formula on how to hire great people it's because the people who work there don't fear their own leadership their leaders trust them to do the job that they've been trained to do they feel safe amongst their own and guess who benefits customer and organization it is essential that we build a circle of safety that doesn't mean you can't discipline people that doesn't mean that people that you can't tell them what to do what it means is they don't fear what it means is they know to the core of their being that you care about those in your charge just like parents that's what it means it's not the absence of danger it's the absence of danger internally so if it is essential to build a circle of safety it begs the question how do you build a circle of safety as it turns out the human body works exactly the same way as an organization if we want to direct the behavior of people inside an organization we all know what to do give someone some sort of goal and offer some sort of incentive or disincentive and watch what happens right hit the goal get the bonus perfume perform your duty get publicly recognized or get some sort of promotion right we do it with our children right eat your vegetables you get dessert clean your room you get a gold star and guess what they do exactly what we want them to do right as it turns out the human body works exactly the same way inside our body is a system of incentives that reward us when we repeat behavior that are in our best interest if you've ever had the feeling of happiness joy a Qi success pride friendship loyalty love all of these feelings can basically be boiled down to four chemicals inside our body they are endorphins dopamine serotonin and oxytocin ed so let me break them down for you the first one endorphins endorphins basically have one purpose and one purpose only it is to mask physical pain everybody here knows what an endorphin rush is or a runner's high you go for a run you push your body a little harder than you used to and you feel good and so you keep going and at the end of your run if you're lucky enough to get a runner's high you feel spectacular and then about an hour later you're in pain for damage you caused to your muscles about an hour before because the endorphins have run out right now the caveman reason for endorphins is much more practical and it boils down to food we're not the strongest animal we're not the fastest animal and yet we have to eat as it turns out the human animal is made for endurance we can go hunting and gathering and tracking for hours and hours and hours and miles and miles and miles and we don't give up simply because we're tired we don't give up simply because we're injured or we have something heavy to carry back to the tribe we persist not intellectually it's because it feels good and just like when you get in the habit of exercise you crave the endorphins this is a good system that means we'll go hunting because we enjoy it not just when we need to find food when there's no guarantee they were going to find food I love hunting who wants to go again tomorrow good system in our modern day and age we don't really need endorphins much for survival in combat for sure but not in daily life cars and supermarkets we don't really need it and the main way we get endorphins is from heavy exercise there are some other fun ways you can get endorphins laughing for example we've all had the experience where you laugh so hard right what's happening when you laugh is you're convulsing your internal organs and endorphins are released to mask that physical pain which is why laughing feels good we've all had the experience where you laugh so hard that you say stop stop it hurts it's because the endorphins have run out dopamine dopamine is responsible for the feeling we get when we find something we're looking for or when we accomplish something we set out to accomplish so you know that wonderful feeling you get when you cross something off your to-do list like ah that's from dopamine or when you win the game yes complete the assignment did it all of those when you find something you're looking for here it is when you find your keys oh right all of those feelings are from dopamine now once again the caveman reason for dopamine is because of survival food you can just imagine our ancestors roaming across the savannas or the plains back in the day and in the distance they saw a gazelle or an apple tree and they get the shot of dopamine and it says hey there's the thing you're looking for get it what dopamine allows us to do is stay clear of our distractions that are around us stay focused on the goal at hand and start making progress towards that goal and as we get a little closer to the target as we get a little closer to the tree the tree gets a little bigger and we feel like we're making progress that's a shot of dopamine that says you're getting closer keep going keep doing what you're doing and so we get a little closer and a little closer and a little closer until we finally get to the tree we're like yes right we're very very visual animals you have to be able to see the thing you're after that's why we're up and told to write down your goals if you write down your goals you're more you're more able to achieve them there's some biological truth that we are no good with the abstract we are no good with the Amorphis you will get a promotion if you accomplish more how much more MORE it's unnerving tell me the assignments I need to complete tell me the goals I need to reach tell me the things I need to do and I'm good to go and I'll count the metrics and I can feel like I'm making progress I know how I'm doing I can look at my GPA I know what it takes to get to the end I'm golden the problem is we have to have a sense of destination if we do not have a sense of vision what ends up happening is we become obsessed with the metrics with no clues to why we're counting the steps so we're doing feel like we're doing great work and look how much progress I'm making counting my metrics but I don't know where I'm going that's the importance of vision knowing why we do what we do the difference between a vision is the finish line a goal is 26.2 miles that's a goal know exactly what it where it ends and so all I have to do is count the mile markers until I get there you can just count the points in the assignment you just count the steps you need to take to achieve your goal it's nuts not a problem metrics are very very important don't get me wrong can you imagine running a marathon with no mile markers unnerving right we like to feel like we're making progress it's a human thing dopamine is the reason we get anything done it's why we're accomplishment machines so we set out to achieve our goals we count the markers whatever they are and when we procrastination we're like yes did it accomplishment vision is having a crystal-clear sense of what the finish line looks like but having no sense of how far away it is and every marathon is actually a metric towards advancing the vision which for all practical purposes we will never reach vision statements are very important the problem is most organizations are terrible at writing vision statements because they write them in the abstract or the Amorphis to be the best to be the most respected based on what metric based on what standard how do we if we're knowing no if we're making progress and how do we know if we get there in other words it's unnerving and it's useless and so they usually get ignored the reason we call them vision statements is because you can see what that future state looks like I have a dream that one day a little black children will hold hands on the playground with little white children you can see that in your mind's eye you can imagine it the future state that does not yet exist and if you believe in that world you want to live in that world you want to raise your children in that world you set your sights on that world and you start taking actions to build that world and every milestone we pass is a step towards that idealized state that for all practical purposes we will never reach our founding fathers did the same thing for us all men are created equal it's a vision they light out for us and they described what it looks like we're entitled these unalienable rights we're endowed with these inhalable rights life liberty pursuit of happiness and they give a long list of all the grievances against the king if you go read the full Declaration of Independence it's a beautiful document that helps us understand the world that we want to build on the we were the world that we want to live in and when we advance that world civil rights women's suffrage gay rights whatever it is education for all we feel like we're moving towards this perfect state that we were set out to move towards that's what vision is dopamine is a wonderful chemical like I said it's the reason we get anything done it what makes us achievement machines however it comes with a warning if left unbalanced dopamine can be highly highly highly addictive here are some other things that release dopamine nicotine alcohol gambling social media your cell phone right if the primary means by which we reward behavior the primary means by which we incentivize our people is a dopamine based reward system hit the goal get the bonus at the goal get the bonus at the goal get the bonus we can actually by accident create a culture in which everybody who works there becomes addicted to performance they become addicted to making the numbers if everything is about the metric we can literally create an entire group of people who are addict who are out to get the next hit and will beg borrow steal and stab each other in the back to get that next hit that's what happened in many of our large investment banks literally entire companies filled with addicts where there is no such thing as trust and cooperation inside these companies fear runs rampant paranoia cynicism mistrust are the norm and they will all stab each other in the back because the only way they get any sense of fulfillment or feeling good or happiness or joy at work is dopamine hitting the goals making the numbers saving the money whatever it is it's the same with our cell phones we all hate all the email we get true what we love is the Bing the bus the flash on the beep oh it's beautiful how else can you explain if you're feeling a little down you send out 10 texts to 10 friends hi hi hi hi hi hoping to get one back cuz it feels good how else can you explain why you walk from room to room in your own home holding your phone how else can you explain if it's not addiction when you're driving in the car and your phone goes buzzer beep and you can't wait 5 or 10 minutes to check out who sent the message you have to check now now now now now and it says do you want to have dinner next Thursday and you can't wait five or 10 minutes you have to respond now it's called addiction how else can you explain when you're at dinner with your friends you feel compelled to answer the text or the tweet from somebody who's not there when you're with your friends it's called addiction and it's so dangerous because we can create environments quite by accident where we will destroy like all addictions the relationships we have and we will waste time and resources as well it's just like gambling think about how gambling works right think about how gambling works right we know what the goal is we know what the apple tree looks like it's three 7s hit the goal get the bonus we know exactly what it is crystal clear so we perform a behavior to take us closer to our crystal clear goal we put a coin in the machine and we pull the handle right except what happens is we sort of get one seven and we sort of like get a half an seven and nothing he's like Oh cuz we got a little hit of dopamine like that's what our body's telling it's like nearly they're getting closer do it again and so we put another coin in the machine we pulled a handle and this time we can sort of get two sevens and we missed the third you can just see it touch so close so we do it again except it's not you versus nature or you versus yourself it's you versus casino it's a rigged game it's literally hijacking our internal reward system to do something that is not in our interest it's in the interest of somebody else we can do that to human beings inside organizations as well if you got zero 7s you would think that the machine was broken or you would go find another one because this one was no fun dopamine feels good but it must be balanced you see the big problem with endorphins and dopamine is they're selfish you don't need anybody's help to get them go for a run go through to-do lists accomplish your goals you're good to go you can have happiness but the feelings don't last there's not a single person in this room absolutely zero who's still walking around with this amazing sense of accomplishment for the goal you hit a year ago remember the letter you got in the mail that said you got into the Academy you're still walking around with that feeling nope it's gone cuz that was dopamine I'll give you a little aside because you're all college-age and I'll just tell you something just aside I'm gonna get in trouble for this one you know when you go on a first date and you're like oh my god she's the one I that's it's not love it's dopamine it's it's the feeling that you found the thing that you're looking for and that one date that you had in that great conversation you have and they said everything that you wanted to hear and you projected them upon this vision that you have of the ideal mate and that feeling like maybe this really is the it's dopamine it's and that's why after three weeks you're like what was I thinking because you feeling goes away because love and real relationships and trust require these two chemicals these are the selfless chemicals these are the chemicals of trust and loyalty and love and friendship and all the warm and fuzzies they last unlike these that come and go they balance these off and healthy organizations have a balance of these chemicals the first one is called serotonin it is the leadership chemical it's the feeling of pride it's the feeling of status there are many healthy ways to get serotonin one of them is public recognition things like this it's very important for human beings to come together in social gatherings conferences and events like this because undoubtedly what will happen throughout the event is we will call out people's names and we will recognize them we just give a round of applause to Dave what an amazing job Dave did helping put this day together everybody let's give Dave a round of applaud know it's just a hypothetical but everybody named Dave sitting the audience is screaming pretty good because when we are recognized in front of our own tribe we feel valued and we feel valuable it doesn't work over email we can't send out an email and say hey just want to give a shout out today what a great job you did putting together the event we need this we need this right think about commencement think about college graduation right what does it take to graduate college fulfill your minimum requirements write a complex enough credits whatever the minimum standards are reach them and that's basically it you'll graduate it's just a formula technically they could just send you an email that says congratulations you've graduated enclosed please find a PDF of your diploma PS magna laude right the accomplishment is the same it just wouldn't feel so good and so instead we have this big event called commencement which feels like a waste of money like what does it accomplish nothing no it's really really important for social animals because what we do is we invite our friends and our families and our teachers and all of those who have sacrificed so that we may accomplish something and it's a big public recognition ceremony that's what it is and that young college graduate when she hears her name called out in public the serotonin starts to flow she feels valued and valuable by the by the tribe she feels proud she feels her status rise she walks across the stage to receive her diploma she feels so good and at the moment she grabs that diploma the serotonin surges through her body she feels her amazing her self-confidence Rises and here's the best part at that exact moment her parents sitting in the audience also get a surge of serotonin and also feel proud with serotonin is attempting to do is reinforce the relationship between parent and child coach and player teacher and student leader and follower the one who is willing to sacrifice so that you may gain and the one who's the recipient of that sacrifice sure you can incentivize people to work hard but eventually that incentive gets expensive it doesn't create loyalty at all because they'll just go to whoever pays them more and eventually they'll be dissatisfied and start complaining but when we feel that someone has sacrificed in us when somebody believes in us I believe in you I got your back you can do this I know you can when we feel that we work extra hard because we want to prove to them that their belief in us was worth it we want to prove to them that their sacrifice was worth it we will work extra hard because we want to make them proud that is biologically accurate that is biologically accurate the reason I call serotonin the leadership chemical is simply a matter of history for 40 thousand of the 50 thousand years that we have lived on this planet Earth we lived in populations that were rarely bigger than about 150 people it's only since we started farming about ten thousand years ago that we were able to collect enough resources to maintain populations that were larger than that but even with populations around 150 this presents some practical issues these are resource constrained times these are austere times someone brings food back to the tribe dumps it on the ground we all rush in to eat if you're lucky enough to be built like a linebacker you can shove your way to the front of the line if you're the artist of the family you get an elbow in the face this is a bad system because the odds are that if you punched me in the face this afternoon probably not going to wake you and alert you to danger tonight bad system and so we evolved into hierarchical animals we're constantly assessing and judging each other who's higher in the hierarchy in the natural social order sometimes it's a formal system we have a system of rank you can simply look on someone's shoulder and you know where you fit in the pecking order and you will adjust your behavior accordingly but this exists in the social world as well we're constantly assessing and judging each other and it's based on any number of factors depending on where you are maybe it's how strong you are how pretty you are or whatever it is how many papers you published whatever it is but we're constantly assessing and judging is the point and when we assess that someone is more senior than us we will defer we will step back and we allow our alphas preferential treatment we give our alphas first choice of meat and first choice of mate and though I may not get to eat first I'm guaranteed to get food and I don't get an elbow in the face good system nothing has changed in our modern day none of us are offended by the fact that we give preferential treatment to somebody more senior than us there's not a single person in this room who's offended by the fact that somebody who outranks you is given preferential treatment there's not a single person in this room who's offended by the fact that somebody who outranks you has a higher salary than you you may think that they're complete morons but it doesn't affect us it doesn't offend us there's no visceral contempt we have that somebody who outranks us has a higher salary well gets a better office or a better parking space whatever it is we're perfectly fine with it we're perfectly fine with it however all that preferential treatment you get from being the Alpha from gaining seniority it doesn't come for free there's a cost for all of those perks you see the group is not stupid we don't give you all of those advantages and give you all of those perks for nothing there is an expectation the group has an expectation that if danger threatens the tribe that it's the person who's actually stronger actually smarter actually better fed actually more confident because of all the deference we show you in all the serotonin that's flowing when danger threatens the tribe we expect that the person who's better fed more confident stronger will be the first to rush towards the danger to protect us that's why we gave you first choice of mate because you might die first we want to keep your genes in the gene pool for if not stupid as a Marine general told me the cost of leadership is self-interest though you earn privileges with rank your willingness to forego those privileges in order to protect those in your charge is what makes you a leader leadership has nothing to do with rank rank affords you Authority that's all I know many people who sit at very very senior levels of organizations who are not leaders they have authority and we do as they tell us because they have authority over us but we would not follow them and I know many people who have no rank and have no authority and yet they've made a choice the choice to look after the person to the left of them and the choice to look after the person to the right of them and we would follow them anywhere leadership is a choice that's all it is that's all it is the perks you get are the expectation that you would forego those perks when push comes to shove I know no great leader on the planet who would ever sacrifice their people to save themselves they would sooner sacrifice themselves to save their people great leaders sacrifice their interests to take care of their people they never sacrifice their people to take care of their interests this is why we have visceral contempt for some of the banking CEOs and their disproportionate salaries and bonuses it has nothing to do with the money it has to do with the fact that they have violated the deep-seated anthropological social definition of what it means to be a leader we know that they allowed their people to be sacrificed so they could keep their bonuses or salaries or worse they chose to sacrifice their people to keep their bonuses and salaries it's not the money what if I told you that we're going to give a hundred and fifty million dollar bonus to Nelson Mandela does anybody have a problem with that no how about a two hundred million dollar bonus to mother Teresa I got an issue with that nope do you know that when you win the Nobel Peace Prize they give you one and a half million dollars of cash no strings attached you go buy Ferraris if you want does anybody here have a problem with somebody who wins the Nobel Peace Prize being given what being given one and a half million dollars of free money no we are perfectly fine with our leaders being given huge advantages if we are confident that they would sacrifice those advantages to take care of us leadership is not about being in charge it's about taking care of those in your charge which is much much harder careerists go for the ranked leaders take care of their people it is a choice it is a practice and it is hard and the reason it is hard is because sometimes it's lonely the reasons it's hard is because sometimes it's hard to measure if you're actually making progress it's hard to measure leadership on a daily basis it's like exercise I can give you a compelling presentation about the importance of going to the gym and you'll believe me the next day you'll rush the gym and you'll come home and you look in the mirror and you will see nothing but it's okay you believe in it and the next day you go to the gym again and you come back and you look in the mirror and you will see nothing worse you're in pain so empirically you say I'm investing a lot and seeing no benefit and I'm hurting I give up and that happens to a lot of people who start in their leadership journey because you will see no empirical evidence for your effort and the metrics actually might go down but you stick with it because it's the right thing to do and the pain goes away and it gets a little easier and the problem with leadership just like exercises I don't know how long it takes címon how long does it take before I get into shape if I exercise daily I don't know I don't know a few weeks a few mono I don't know I know that it will take more than a week I know that for a fact I also know that if you're doing something and you see no results in six months you're probably doing something wrong I know that for a fact I just don't know when it happens and one of the most amazing things about the leadership journey just like exercise is sometimes other people recognize it before you do have you been working at I have actually thank you like what are you doing differently things are different here in your group your squadron is not like it used to be and you won't even have noticed consistency is more important than intensity you cannot get in shape by going to the gym for nine hours but if you work out every single day for 20 minutes you will definitely get into shape that's why I say leadership is a practice it is a daily practice it is hard sometimes it is unforgiving it is hard to measure I don't know how long it takes it is a commitment it's often lonely and there are real risks associated with it if you stand up to Authority you can get your head chopped up you're the one who could get in trouble if you defend your people you're the one who gets hurt the risks are real you could work hard to build up an amazing group and then you get moved somewhere else you get to a new job and the the next guy who takes over gets all the credit for all the amazing yes it could happen you may not even get credit for all the great stuff you do it gets worse if everything goes right you have to distribute the credit no no it was my people and if everything goes wrong it's on your shoulders I take full accountability for the screw-ups even though you didn't do anything and even though you may have told them what to do that made things go right that's it that's what it takes to be a leader not everyone is cut out to be a leader cuz it is hard but it's worth it you know why it's worth it I'll tell you a story of another airmen Lieutenant Colonel D D half Hill XI three things happen to her all at once anyone would be difficult she was promoted to lieutenant colonel she got her first command and she was deployed to Iraq for 365 all at once and she was told that she would be the base run base operations in Balad so housing and laundry and food and you know all that kind of stuff it was a very poorly run command and the previous five leaders had been fired but DD is a ambitious strong brilliant mind promoted a year or two below the zone highly respected and she decided she was going to turn this turn this around she was gonna make this work beautifully and she set her goal clear make this the best command ever and if I give give good orders I will have a good command if I give great orders I will have a great command and for the first six months she was in Iraq she struggled the soldiers that work for her didn't take her seriously nobody she had trouble getting people to follow her orders her rank seemed to not mean anything and she struggled and things were not going well and the vision that she had the goal that she had was slipping away from her she could feel it she could see it she wasn't making any progress and for six months she went back to her room at night and cried every single night she regretted being in the Air Force she regretted being deployed she did want to serve her country she just wanted to come home she hated it and so she gave up she realized this high performer realized that she will not achieve her goal and that sense of failure was overwhelming and she gave up she accepted the fact that the goal would not be achieved so she realigned changed a vector and decided that if I'm not going to achieve my goal I'm stuck here for another six months I now commit myself to ensuring that the people who work for me will have a good time until they go home because they've also sacrificed a lot and they've walked away from their families and the least I can do for them is help them have a good time while they're here and things started to change performance started to go like this and within six months she completely turned around that command it became unbelievably high-performing the loyalty and the love that that team had for each other skyrocketed you see the first goal was about DeeDee the first goal was about her and her performance and her accomplishment and when she realized that that she wouldn't achieve it she realigned and made it about her people she made it about their joy their happiness and their success and the way she would do things organically changed for example they would do a fun run on base to boost morale and in the middle of it she would give feedback fix that next time change that that didn't work in the middle of the Fun Run simply by changing her vector she gave feedback differently she allowed her team to enjoy the fun run while that while it was going on and at the end they would sit down and then go through what they can do better next time even the timing when she gave feedback changed organically simply because she changed her focus she became a leader i sat down with DeeDee to find out about her experience maybe a week or two after she got home she told me the story and then she said I didn't ask he was just telling me the story and she gets to the end of her story and she starts crying and she says I have never experienced a joy as great is seeing those in my command those in my charge achieve more than they thought that they were capable of that is the joy of leadership and like being a parent and the sacrifice of being a parent I don't know when you will experience it I don't know when it will happen and you commit yourself to the journey of leadership with the hope like going for a run hoping for that endorphin rush it's not guaranteed with the hope that you will see things when you see your team take care of each other when you see your team rally to solve an unsolvable problem when you see someone hurting and somebody rushing to their aid without being asked when you see your team discover that they are capable of more than they thought that they were capable of all the sacrifices all the hard work all the risks immediately become worth it it is a choice that's what it is the last chemical is called oxytocin it's everyone's favorite chemical it's the feeling of friendship and love and loyalty it's all the unicorns and rainbows it's all the mushy mushy stuff it's the reason we love spending time with our friends right you go to a friend's house you sit on the couch you watch a movie at the end you say I had such a great time and you go back to your room you didn't do anything you could have watched by yourself but we just like spending time with our friends it makes us feel safe right it's the reason we leave empty seats at the movies when we go out next we know and leave empty seats next to strangers because strangers are scary right can you imagine going to the movies and you walk in with a friend and there's an empty row except for one couple and you walk all the way in and sit right next to them they're gonna look at you be like or can you imagine going to the movies with a friend and there's an empty row and they walk in first and sit down and you seat sit one seat away from them they're gonna look at you be like what what's your problem we want to be near our friends it makes us feel good it makes us feel safe in fact I promise that almost every single person in this room chose who you're sitting next to because we choose to sit next to people we like our friends people we work with people who are familiar people we know because it makes us feel safe we know that if we're looking this way in dangers coming from that way they'll let us know it's it's what it feels almost all human behavior is governed by our desire to feel safe there are many many healthy ways to get oxytocin one of them is this this magical thing called human touch this is why it's very important for us to hug our children and for our children to hug us because it makes them feel safe it's why when someone's hurt or someone's struggling we go don't worry I'm with you don't worry you'll get through this we don't go don't worry you're fine you'll get through this kind of weird it's why athletes high-five and smack each other at the end it's a team-building thing mostly can you imagine signing a contract with somebody you go oh my god I'm so excited to work with you they go we don't need to shake your hand let's just sign the contract they'd be like this is really exciting that again I'm really excited to I'll sign the contract but I don't need to take your hand we think business is about terms and contracts and agreements no it's not it's human beings looking for other human beings around whom we feel safe someone's refusal to shake your hand means one of two things will happen you'll either walk away from the deal you'll go into the deal with doubt that's why we will happily do a handshake deal without a contract but we don't like signing contracts without handshakes in fact when I pointed out that you chose the person you sitting next to guess what you all did I'm watching you'll start touching each other because what you're doing I simply pointed out this quality of the relationship the existence of the relationship and what you did is you reinforced it and that little exchange of oxytocin reinforced that yes I love you I care about you I got your back and I know you got mine that's what that was I loved it every time it happens and I didn't realize it when I first started giving this talk I said and you chose the person you sitting next to and people started like and I was like what is going and then I realize it's just biology here's another way you can get oxytocin acts of kindness act of generosity an act of kindness of generosity is defined as giving of your time and energy with no expectation of anything in return sorry money doesn't count I can prove it what have I told you that before I came out here and went online and I gave $100 to charity what would you think of me you'd be like good for you but what have I told you that last weekend I gave up my Saturday and I went to paint at schools in the inner city then what would you think of me you'd be like nice cool the value of my labor is worth a lot less than a hundred bucks a hundred bucks could pay more people to paint more schools but we as human beings put a premium on those who are willing to give away a non redeemable commodity time and energy time and energy we make money we spend money we get more money whatever but when you spend time and energy they ain't no getting it back with all sat in classes and thought to ourselves I will never get this time back some of you is sitting here right now thinking I will never get this time back and you won't and so when someone gives us their time or their energy I believe in you let me show you how to do it I got your back you can do it it makes us feel incredibly warm towards them true story I was walking down the streets of New York City where I live and person in front of me their backpack opened and a bunch of paper fell out I didn't think much of it bent down gathered up the papers handed them back the person who performs the act of generosity with no expectation of return gets a shot of oxytocin I felt good it feels nice when we do something nice for someone right the person on the receiving end of the act of generosity also gets a shot of oxytocin thank you he said it feels really good when someone does something nice for us but here's the best part I get to the end of the block totally true story get to the end of the block and a total stranger standing in front of me turns around and says I saw what you did back there that was really cool as it turns out witnessing an act of kindness or generosity releases oxytocin and the more oxytocin we have in our bodies the more generous we become because this is the human body's attempt to get us to look after ourselves this is the biology of pay it forwards it's true this is why we talk about modeling behavior when leaders model behavior when they model sacrifice when they model generosity it actually makes the rest of us want to sacrifice and want to do more it is biological it's not just a nice idea that's why modeling behavior is really really important if you model negative behavior you'll get the same thing if you model positive behavior and sacrifice and giving you'll get the same thing it's what happens that's why leaders aren't the one at the top of the organization leaders are the ones who are willing to go first literally to lead to be the first to sacrifice when everybody's standing there going and the leader is the one who goes other it and guess what happens as soon as they do that other people say I will too but if one person doesn't stand up nobody stands up that's what leadership is it's about going first first into the unknown first towards the danger leadership is a choice and I highly recommend you do it with someone you should have a leadership buddy we'd never ever send somebody outside the wire by themselves we always send people out in the least twos but preferably in groups we go you don't go by yourself you go with the wingmen leadership is the same it is a hard difficult long arduous journey and I highly recommend you have a leadership buddy where you commit not to seeing that you will become a great leader but you commit to seeing that your leadership buddy will become a great leader and they in turn commit to see that you'll become a great leader every single great leader has somebody in the shadows who believes in them every single one every single one and they're eternally grateful to that peep that person or those people for believing in them being there when they needed counsel giving them a shoulder to cry on whatever it is it's too difficult to do alone but one day when I visit one of your commands and I see your people taking care of each other and I see your people solving unsolvable problems and I see your people loving coming to work not because it's easy it's very very difficult but they just feel safe and they feel valued and valuable because of your command and I'll ask them why are you taking care of each other why even taking care of your boss and they'll look me in the eye and say because they would do it for me be the leader you wish you had thank you very much thank you thank you very much thank you but that's very kind of you thank you mr. cynic will now be available for questions I told you to call me Simon can use the microphones in the aisles sure yeah I've about 15 20 minutes v twenty minutes I got twenty minute twenty two minutes if we want to do military efficiency I have 22 minutes for questions and then I think we're doing some more Q&A next door afterwards but if we have a couple of mics if you have some questions yes go ahead mr. Stanek my name is CTC Gabrielle Brunner and I had a question relating to your safety circle so here in the cadet wing our safety circle it I would assume is our whole organization but people on the inside of that safety circle for us I've noticed are ones that aren't necessarily upholding standards who aren't always doing the right thing that's become kind of a cultural norm here and people who correct those things are now on the outside and perceived as a threat to those people how do you recommend switching the roles there I have a better question for you how do you recommend switching those is it important to you that you maintain that circle of safety I'm asking you then why you letting it break it's your organization and it's your air force and these are your choices I have no answer thank you you're welcome and by the way I commend you because that is incredibly brave to stand up here and say that in the whole audience in front of everybody that it's broken that it's not working right because we can't begin to fix it before we admit that it's a problem the fact that you admit that it's a problem you've done it out loud I think you're on the road to success already well done hello Simon how are you talk to you again get to see ya so I wanted to address what the cadet just said I'm Colonel rich Tatum I'm from the profession of arms center of excellence and I've had this thought for a while and I wanted you to comment on a tube based on what the cadet said that our worst friends are potentially what we might say our worst wingman are those who are more concerned about our comfort than our well-being and our character yeah and I just like to know your comments if you believe that we agree or disagree and I think what you were trying to tell the cadet was we can't solve those problems from outside the cadet wing it's the people inside the cadet wing that are going to have to start enforcing the standards because as Martin Luther King said in the end we won't so much remember the words of our enemies as the silence of our friends so I think there's a vernacular component as well which is is it enforcing or is it upholding I would hate to enforce a standard but I'd feel honored to uphold it and so I think somewhere in the mixed and it was no one's fault these things are evolutions and it'll be an evolution back it's not going to be fixed in at six months hopefully can be six months but definitely be fixed in six days but it's not about enforcing it it's not about being an enforcer it's being it's taking responsibility for the upholding so language matters I think this also lends nicely to and some of you I've spoken to some of you already a millennial question because I think that factors in quite frankly I 100 percent of the talks that I give I get asked the millennial question apparently you confound everyone who is older than you right and they ask how do we lead these Millennials right because it's not working and you get accused of being things like entitled right I'm sure you've heard it right so I have some thoughts which I'll share quickly so I've broken it down into four categories the first one is parenting the second one is what was the second one technology third one was impatience and the last one was environment okay parenting many of the people many of your peers many of the people in your generation have been subject to what is basically a failed parenting strategy many in your generation we're told your whole life growing up that you are special that you can have anything you want whenever you want it many of you got medals for coming in last not here I mean people who didn't get into the Academy that's a good thing what are you doing for many people in your generation got medals for coming in last right and the science on this is pretty good what we know is we give medals to people who don't earn them it actually devalues the metal for the person who worked hard for it and it makes the person who didn't work Harvard actually feel worse because that they they know they didn't deserve it or earn it so it actually doesn't work on any level right but it happened there are many people who got into honors classes in high school not because they deserved it but because their parents complained and there's some kids who got AIDS not because they deserve them but because their teachers didn't want to deal with the parents right and life is good and then what happens is these wonderful kids graduate college I joined the military or they go into private sector and in an instant literally night and day they discover they're not special they discover they can have whatever they want they find out that their parents can't swoop in and get them a promotion and they found out that they will get nothing for coming in last and in an instant their entire self-image is shattered and in an instant their self-confidence is undermined and so what started to happen because of this failed parenting strategies there's an entire generation that seems to be growing up with lower self confidence than the previous generations and to add to that this young generation is very good at putting filters on everything Instagram and all the rest of it and everything's looks great and I've read news reports of these young fantastic athletes in high school who commit suicide and if you go look at their Facebook or their Instagram pages everything looks great there's no signs really good at hiding it and we who have positions of authority say things like if you need anything my door is always open assuming that your generation has the courage to walk in the door and what I've started to see in what I've started to meet and start to learn is that really self competence is much lower than it used to be only because of this failed parenting strategy no fault of your own it's this failed parenting strategy then to make it worse technology is a part of your lives so as I said before we know that dopamine is released with social media or the ping or the buzz with a beep of our texting right and so what ends up happening is young kids are being exposed to these things too soon right so almost all alcoholics discovered alcohol when they were teenagers when we're very very young we only need the approval of our parents that's all and then we go through adolescence we make this conversion where we start to need the approval of our peers very frustrating for our parents but very important for us because it allows us to acculturate outside of our immediate families into the larger tribe right the problem is some kids quite by accident discover alcohol during this time of high stress and anxiety and they discover that while they're going through the stress and anxiety they can numb the anxiety with alcohol with dopamine and unfortunately that connection becomes hardwired and for the rest of their lives when they suffer stress they don't turn to a person they turn to the bottle right all alcoholics 100% drink for a finite number of reasons social stress financial stress career stress that's it when we're supposed to be learning to rely on our friends unfortunately accidentally we rely on the bottle now we have age restrictions on alcohol nicotine and gambling because we know that a young developing mind is not yet mature enough to deal with these chemical inducing activities right but we have no such restrictions on social media or cellphones which is the equivalent of throwing open the liquor cabinet and telling a young kid hey if the stress of adolescence is getting you down here's some vodka just help yourself whenever you need it that's basically what we're doing and so instead of learning the skill set of learning to rely on friends and times of stress and anxiety what's happened is too many people are getting hard wired connections to go to social media or to go to the device so when they're feeling a little bit isolated or they're feeling a little bit lonely or they're feeling a little bit stressed they don't turn to a friend and say I'm hurting they go like this or they go check how many likes they're getting because it makes them feel better and it is an addiction and the bursts are only short-term and it doesn't last and now you have lower self-confidence now compounding with feelings of isolation and loneliness and no developed skill set to know how to deal with those feelings of isolation and loneliness and you know even dating dating has become technological as well you know gone are the days we have to learn to be like walk up to someone to be like hey you know right and and they had to learn to be like no you know all right and all of that humiliation and courage and embarrassment on both sides you know of the courtship process takes practice and you learn but now you can sit on your couch and just swipe right you're a stud you've got three dates and like an evening right that's all it takes and unfortunately the skill set was lost in there sure it's easier I get it but that's not necessarily a good thing and so the problem is we have an entire generation growing up with a disproportionately high level of addiction to device and so in times of need and stress they haven't learned to rely on each other they've learn to go to the device it makes them feel safe it makes them feel good and this is why we keep our devices really close all the time by our beds by our when were with our friends we keep it on the table we just need to have it near security is what it is right combine that with this systemic impatience your generation is accused of being entitled I think that is unfair and I think that is wrong what I do think is that you've grown up in a world of instant gratification you want to buy something you go on Amazon it shows up the next day you want to watch a movie you don't check movie times you log on you watch it you want to get hold of a friend you don't leave a message and six hours later they'll call you back you textin they text you back immediately you want to watch a TV series you don't have to wait week to week to week you just log on and binge watch for the weekend good to go the problem is that sense of instant gratification has been falsely applied to career fulfillment and relationships and the problem is you can't get instant gratification from either of those there's no app for that that is a journey and it's as if you're standing at the foot of a mountain looking at the summit you know exactly what you want to accomplish but the problem is you don't see the mountain I keep meeting these wonderful fantastic smart ambitious idealistic amazing people entry-level in their jobs and I sit down with them and I'm like hey how you doing they they go to me I think I'm gonna quit I'm like what do you mean you're gonna quit you've been here eight months they're like I'm I'm not making an impact and I want to make an impact I think I'm going to quit right and that's the problem they don't realize that it's a journey and they don't realize that it takes time and effort and hardship like relationships like career career experience and so what's happening is they just keep quitting their jobs quitting their jobs looking for this thing that they'll never get because it takes time and so then you know idiots in my industry then write papers about junior generation and the trend in your generation is you don't stay in jobs very long you just stay for a year before you move on and then all the companies ago how do we get the most out of them in a year before they leave no no give them something that makes them feel valued and valuable let them know they're contributing to something and they'll stay for 20 years which leads me to the last point which is environment we're dealing with a an entire generation that seems to have lower self confidence that seems to have not built up the skill set of learning to rely on each other take care of each other but instead the addiction to a device they have this institutionalized systemic impatience that they want everything fixed and fixed now and then we plunk them in an environment that easily uses layoffs to balance the books horrible people like Jack Welch who is the CEO of GE who is one of the pioneers of what they call stack rank and yank which is if you contribute if you're the top 10% performer to the stock price you will get a promotion and if you're the bottom 10% you will get fired when up to coaching and taking care of each other you know ideas like shareholder supremacy which have become standard in our world today where companies justify their decisions is we have to take care of our shareholder which is the same thing as a coach justifying their decision to appease a fairway third fan in the stands while ignoring their players that's what that is or using mass layoffs to balance the books I'm going to send an entire group of people home to say that I can no longer provide for our family because the company missed its arbitrary projections this year that's what that is and those theories that were popularized in the 80s and 90s have become so standard today that we don't realize how broken they are and then we take your generation and we put you in these organizations that don't care about people they care more about numbers and we say go and you're being asked to work in organizations and the military has been affected to some degree not as badly as private sector but it's still there the imbalance in role and focus on numbers before people it's it's reared its ugly head in the military as well and we're taking your generation and we're putting you in these organizations and we're saying do your best be your best and yet we have not committed to take caring of taking care of you I am a friend of mine her name's Kristin Hadid she's a 26 year old entrepreneur she's amazing watch her TED talk hade Edie is her name she's brilliant she talks about this stuff she's got a company with 500 people she has a rule in her company that if you're gonna be late you may not text you must call the 26 year old has the rule right and she said to me she said to me something profound she goes you keep telling us that we're the future leaders we're the future Colonels and Generals we're the future commanders she keeps she says to me she says and yet you've completely forgotten you you're the ones in power now you're the ones making the decisions now and you're the ones setting the environment now so for all of those who are in command here our responsibility is greater than it's ever been because we have to now help this amazing young fantastic generation that's kind of been given a bum deal just by the virtue of the year they were born and we have to help them build their confidence we have to help them kick the addiction we have to help them learn patience and enjoy the journey and we'll do this by fixing the environment but you all have a responsibility as well as cadets right work hard to overcome in other words there should be no phones out in any meal ever let me have a phone I want to show you something when we borrow phone I'm going to show you something this is this is okay what if I were to give my talk while I'm holding my phone I'm not checking it it's not buzzing it's not beeping I'm simply holding it do you feel like you are the most important thing to me right now no you do not and this is an artificial setting this has a subconscious communication so when we show up with our friends and we put it on the table we have said to our friends you're not the most important thing to me and putting it upside down is not more polite putting it away is polite if you're holding your phone and you're walking down the hall and somebody says can I ask you a question don't go sure what do you need say sure what do you need and if you don't have a pocket find a shelf right so every time you sit down with your friends in a social environment thank you and you put the phone on the table you've done a little bit to destroy the relationships that you're trying to build I saw it I went to the chow hall with you I ate and I it wasn't too bad I'll give you credit wasn't too bad but there were phones on tables none from this day on try to charge your phone not by your bed so you the first thing you do is not check Facebook Instagram Twitter and whatever you have as the first activity when you wake up especially if you're in relationships the first thing you do is check before you say good morning not good right but it's hard and it's uncomfortable when I go with my friends my girlfriend and I we actually leave our phones at home who we calling were with each other maybe we'll bring one phone in case we need to check something or Google something or find a movie or something but it stays in a pocket and we never pull it out for the entire evening it's dramatically dramatically improve the quality of our relationship and it's dramatically improved the quality of my friendships so you have a responsibility as well and the other thing I ask of you I beg of you take care of each other help each other look out for each other understand that everybody's in the same boat as you and however you feel there's probably somebody right next to you who feels the same way and you cannot go through this journey called life you cannot go through this journey called your career alone take care of each other to each other are you okay if you see someone struggling because me and my generation we don't have it all figured out okay one more question I think let's go over here or either one okay two more questions starting with C Bank earn from CS 21 my question kind of pertains to what you're talking about earlier with the CEO GE and kind of rank and yank system so in the military right there's a structure and the turnover is high how do you what's your opinions on how you create that environment of trust and all the set that you talked about in you know a short amount of time okay at the risk of speaking out of turn so I think the the military hierarchy works fine and it does exactly what it's designed to do right I think there are some opportunities that could benefit the military so for example in private sector there's a meritocracy that allows somebody quite young to sit at a very senior table to have a strategic discussion because that's just how it works right in the military I've met some brilliant captains who know more about how to beat ISIL than some of the generals that I've talked to because these are frontline guys geniuses you know and yet they don't even have a seat at the table and so we don't have to change the hierarchy but maybe create environments in which we allow captain's or even lieutenants or lieutenant Colonel's to sit at these very very at these strategic tables because sometimes they have some things that are good to hear I like that you know that's an easy fix the other one which is the upper out and if you don't get the promotion your career is over you know there's not everybody wants to command and there are some people who are in lieutenant Colonel's who love their jobs there fantastic fantastic operators fantastic fantastic practitioners whether they're Intel or whatever they're doing and they look just leave me here for my whole career if we could figure out a system where they can get regular promotion regular pay increases but they don't have to get the promotion to stay in the in the military I think that would be a benefit to the military because I think we often lose very talented good people who are very good at their jobs who just don't want to get promoted and that's fine but we don't have a system for that but I think for the most part it works okay like I said it's it's designed for something specific but some of these other things that have shown up that aren't based on the Napoleonic structure like cyber like IT like like Intel like those kinds of things that aren't so stacked the same way maybe we can adjust especially for those M OSS thanks you're welcome thank you sir that's all the time we have for questions next door okay thank you very much everyone you

Channel: U.S. Air Force Academy

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Length: 73min 11sec (4391 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 10 2016