Simon Sinek at Jen Waldman Studio

[Applause] [Music] [Applause] so I consider myself an artist and my process for everything that I do is more of an artistic process than an academic or commercial process it's usually involves a lot of chaos it usually involves a lot of angst and somehow someway something beautiful comes out at the end of it and so I actually relate quite well to two artists and performers and I sort of feel a kindred spirit when Jen and I go out for dinner we talk about all kinds of things and very often we talk about creativity what makes us creative and the conversations that we end up having are insightful for both of us and the last time we went up for dinner we said well this is unfair we should really let others in on this and so it's actually very exciting for me you know I spend so much time talking to business people they're nice but I you know coming back and doing things with artists is much more my home so it's it's this is actually a joy for me to do and so I think the goal of today I'm sure I'll wax on but the goal of today is I'm here for you to answer questions we can talk about what creative process is what it means to be an artist in today's a day and age you know I have gripes about some of it and and hopefully we can all learn something and be better off by the end of it so I'm here to serve I'll tell you one I'll just start off with one frustration I have about the arts today I guess two frustrations okay three three share two frustrations one frustration is the concept of patronage has gone away you know Beethoven and Mozart didn't pay their own bills and somebody else saw talent in them and somebody else paid their bills yeah they did some teaching but let's be honest that's not what paid the bills and they had patrons who paid their bills so that they would produce and we have the symphonies and the sonatas and the operas that we have from them because others wanted to invest in that that was the product that was the return on that investment the ability to contribute to to society to the artists what I lament is that the arts have unfortunately too much become business where the investment is to get money back you know rather than to produce something that is so necessary and beautiful beautiful that it actually contributes to to society at large I miss the concept of patronage and I would love to bring something like that back now I guess we have grants and things it's not quite the same I literally mean that an artist with talent that others recognizes has talent gets a salary that you don't work you don't have a survival job your survival job is the patronage I know I so that's one limitation the other the other one is as I mentioned that that too much of I'm okay with a portion of art being business there's no problem with that my concept my problem is is is it out of balance has too much art become built business you could say the same thing of hospitals you could say the same thing of universities where universities too much have forgotten that their responsibility is to educate students not get donations right hospitals have forgotten that their responsibilities to take care of doctors and nurses and staff so that the doctors and nurses and staff can take care of the patients it's not how much money can we bring in and how many famous doctors can we brag about somebody once told me recently that they introduced me to a I think was a heart surgeon or some sort of famous surgeon and they said you know they rate these surgeons on how many of their patients died you know that's how they keep track of who's the best and and he said you're very lucky to meet a surgeon here who has one of the lowest mortality rates of all surgeons in his in his field and I said oh I would never see him and my friend said why not I said because he passes on all the difficult cases so we can make sure that his patient live and I can guarantee you that's what happens I can guarantee you that some of the most difficult cases the best surgeons do not take for fear of upsetting their metrics at setting their reputations right and unfortunately some of the most important cases are being passed up by some of the best surgeons now of course that's not in general but I can guarantee you it's happening the minute you start attaching numbers to things like medical care or or education or the arts necessarily or each of those things will suffer it's I I lament that universities advertise themselves by bragging about the average salary of their graduating students how about the contribution to society of their average student you know so so anything that I can do to help ease the way for you as you go on the journey as an artist which is a and I hold you in the same esteem that I hold the military I I have a really big soft spot in my heart for people who undertake a career of service where where sacrifice is a large part of what you're expected to do and few if any go into the business with the expectation of getting rich right and I think artists and and and military are very very similar that it is if you get it right if you get it right it is an act of service it is an act of service if you think it's about fame and fortune I wish you nothing but luck but that's also the difference maybe between the film and a movie like one can stand up as art and is hopefully entertaining do you want the other one is just entertainment and hopefully is also artistic so it's not a better or worse thing but just it's about awareness of the lifestyle and and career in the kind of our artists journey that you want to go on that's my preamble it's pretty great preamble what you just said reminded me of a conversation we had once and I'm gonna try to jog your memory about what actually defines art and you were using a an example of something that is in a gallery oh yeah yeah okay okay so jog yeah yeah so so if we can recognize things they must be able we must be able to define them right things that are recognizable are definable and when people say art defies definition then how do you know it's art and so I challenged myself to define art right to come up with a working definition it's and it's not subjective it has to be objective it's nothing to do with art we like or don't like it's to do with art and I and I and I think I have a working definition I've been testing it for years and so far it holds up and it boils down to three things there's three tests that something must pass to be called art right and I'll tell you what they are and then I'll go through each of them one is intention one is display and the last is reception right two recept okay so and the tests that I gave myself right was things like Robert Mapplethorpe okay Robert Mapplethorpe took unbeli to unbelievably beautifully shot pornography so what makes it art and not pornography and what makes you know something in a in a pornographic magazine pornography and not art so that's where I that was sort of I put boundaries over here to make it more difficult and so intention matters intention is sometimes the intention of the person who produces the work but not always right so let's say that the intention of let's say a pornographic magazine the intention is not art the intention is a masturbatory aid right and so it immediately fails the first test but what if a curator from the MoMA decides to display ten years worth of Playboy covers the intention is now changed it wasn't the intention of the photograph but now it has been converted by the curator right so it has intention not by the artist per se not by the Creator but by the the person who intends it to be art then is display must be displayed in an area that is consistent with the intention so we're not displaying it in one of those dine theaters we're displaying it in a place of artistic reputation the Museum of Modern Art and then it must be received as such people come inside interesting and then come up with all kinds of nonsense about what the interpretation of what the meaning is right so like Dada if you know da dusts what if you take a peek like a piece of driftwood in nature is just a piece of driftwood that's all it is and if someone recognizes its beauty and points wouldn't say isn't that beautiful it's still just nature it's not yet art but if somebody says that it has qualities that I intend to display separate from its natural environment and I remove the piece of driftwood I now have intention I then display it in the museum and people come and look at and say isn't that amazing right so you have intention you have display and you have reception which means if you paint and you after every painting you put the paintings under your bed and they're never seen you're not an artist you're just a painter right though you may have intention there's no display and there's no reception if you're a poet and you sit there and write the most fantastic poems and show them to no one but your diary you may have intention but there is notice no display and there's no reception it must pass all three for it to become art you were simply a writer of poems you were a poet but you're not yet an artist right you can display it in your own home that's fine you can just hang it up or read your poems to your friends totally fine and your fans go that's an amazing poem great can I read you my new poem yes you can that's where it becomes art it's nothing to do with the quality can be bad art but it's it makes Jackson Pollock defendable whether you like it or not it makes Robert Mapplethorpe and by the way if we take Mapplethorpe and put it in a gay porn mag right it has now ceased to be art it is now beautifully shot pornography because the intention display and reception is completely changed so that's my working definition of art lots of good lots of gasping yes or or either one of us if there's intention display in reception sure so performance artists or somebody who I mean I think to say the world is a stage is a little too abstract you know that's like the world is a museum yeah yeah I mean too big too big so so can human beings be works of art if there is an intention display human being is a work of art if somebody displays that as a work of art and if it's received as a work of art like maybe the bodies exhibition you could argue you know or somebody who chooses to do some avant-garde piece where they sit in a chair for twelve hours you know in the Whitney Museum which has been done then sure why not but not all people at all times not all poems at all times not all art paintings at all times somebody had to intend to for it to be art for before it was displayed so I I don't like I don't have a good argument that it has to be in the order but it seems to be a chronology to it first you have to intend it or make it then you have to show it to someone and somebody has to go hmm you know so that's right I think it's more I think it's more practical than it is philosophical yes hmm so remember so the question was I you know as an artist you you have intention you have display but can I be confident of the the way it's received so it's it's not about how that necessarily that people receive it but is it a place where it should be received as such so if you put on a play in a theater you know it can be filled that people be like this is an art right you can take you know my grandfather that are looking at Jackson Pollock be like that's not art it it's a balance thing you know that's one person's I'm trying to remove the subjective quality out of it yeah yeah yes we can talk about other things by the way besides my deafness yeah so I think the part of it that I the reason I added reception is because to me art is like a gift you know if you have capacity if you have talent if you have grit and hard work and you want to produce gifts are supposed to be given so what's the point of giving a gift is no one gets it right what's the point of producing a symphony if no one gets to hear it so I think reception is important too to give the art point meaning as opposed to point less you know otherwise you're just decorating your home now we could have a debate whether I'm receiving it myself right so we could definitely debate that but but I I think it I think and maybe this is just the romantic in me it has to be enjoyed and and maybe one one one person is fine maybe if you hang it in your own home and it's just for you that's fine too but but I think art has to be enjoyed otherwise what's the point you know otherwise it's just therapy you know I'm just painting for therapy and we all do things like that you know our art order has to have another human being involved to me art is about a relationship right you you can't call yourself a romantic or somebody who chooses to love another if if nobody ever feels your love you know it's I think I think art is is is it's a type of language right I know people who are the world's worst communicators when it comes to their emotions when you asked when you have a conversation with them I've dated some of them but given the opportunity to write it's magical and the feelings pour out on the page in an eloquence like I've never seen and as everyone here knows great art in some way shape or form is always personal or semi autobiographical right it's too hard to write pure fiction you know we and we we put ourselves in it because it gives it a sense of reality in it and it's what makes us passionate for the subject that we're tackling I know dancers who you know you meet them and they're like this but as soon as they start dancing you realize there's it's all there so so art is language and if no one hears you know does a treat if a tree falls in the woods you know if no one hears what you're saying is that we're saying anything they're just false so what's the point of writing a play that never gets shown it's just a thought you know it's just an intention so yeah no I think it must be sure that's it's the it's it's one of the ways in which people communicate language is obviously the primary one in beautiful language is art several years ago I was at the National young Arts Foundation working with I was working specifically with theater artists but they are an organization that I've talked to you about before they have artists and the literary arts the Performing Arts the visual arts everything under an artistic umbrella is represented in there the best and the brightest of the next generation of artists so the absolute genius artist Bill T Jones came down to do an interdisciplinary workshop so we had kids of every single artistic discipline represented and he opened by saying if you are a creative artist raise your hand so of course all hands when and then he said if you are a dancer a singer an actor director put your hands down and you could kind of feel the room go like what the heck is going on here and then he says you your hands should be up if you are a poet if you are a filmmaker if you're a choreographer a composer a playwright a painter now raise your hand if you're an interpretive artists and dancers raise your hand singers raise your hand actors raise your hand instrumentalists vocalists and you could kind of feel this aha moment happen so that's really the question I have for you is when you are an interpretive artist as most people in this room are not sure about you guys at home but in this room we've got mostly people who interpret to someone else's work so when you're looking for opportunities to find collaborators someone whose work that you are going to help bring to life do you have any thoughts about know about what that relationship is like and how to do it in a meaningful way yeah so I went to see a play with a friend of mine who is an actor and the play was awful I mean a train wreck the script was awful the directing was awful I mean it was an absolute train wreck and those sort of the applause was kind of like you know except for the parents they loved it and I said to my friend I feel sorry for them I feel sorry for the actors that had to be poorly directed with this poor script you know do that and I said just do they know she says of course they know and she said but do not feel sorry for them because as actors it is their responsibility despite the poor directing and despite the poor script to still bring something of themselves to bear something personal that we should be able to say what a bad script what poor directing but my goodness what a performance right and so I was told not to feel sorry for actors in bad plays so the question does now the question you asked was about collaboration right should any of those actors have taken the part now of course if you're gonna take a part because you need an extra cash little extra cash or you want to get a little extra practice then you have to do so I think knowing I'm doing this for the money or I'm doing this just to keep keep my skills sharp but I'm under no illusion that this is something that I connect with but I'm gonna do the best that I can and then don't lie to yourself you know the other problems don't do that too often because that'll just destroy any passion that you have for your medium right and I think and we've talked about this which is which is any artist any person but especially artists have to know they're why you have to know why you're showing up in the first place and you have to be able to talk about it because if you talk about it things happen people go I like you right now you may not get the part but you're more likely to find people who want to work with you even if you're not the most talented one who auditioned this is my career by the way right when I learned to talk about what I believed I didn't talk about the things I've done I didn't talk about the parts I've had or the shows I've been in or who trained me or the schools I went to resume resume resume I started I learned to talk about what I believed and some people thought it was cheesy they didn't call me back good and some people went that's great and I was not the most talented not the most experienced not the best at my field but because they stood for or believed in what I stood for they wanted to work with me they would rather work with someone who understood them who got them more than somebody who would just take orders and do exactly what they wanted regardless of facility right now you have to have some facility of course you know there has to be some level of talent we're not talking about you know all why and know what you know you're gonna you got a you gotta bring the goods as well but you don't assess enough to be the best great producers great directors we know what they stand for we're drawn to their work you can throw at the name of a director I love their work well they last three movies sucked yeah that's okay you know you know it's like we all have our like I love you no Goomer del Toro just love how no I don't like all his movies I think some of them are not that good I think some of them are brilliant but I like the way he views the world I want to see it when it comes out and the fact is because I know what he stands for and I know how he sees the world I'm very patient with the fact that he doesn't always get it right right so so I'm a huge modern dance lover like that's the thing I love and I don't go to the Joyce anymore because everything that they have on their stage is good it's good everything is safe to me they put things on their stage that that's good they sell tickets nothing's bad and nothing's great it's all good I don't go anymore I go to BAM a lot I have seen things that have profoundly changed my view of the world and I have walked out of more things at BAM literally I'm like I'm done and my friends like I'm like we can I have walked outs out of so many things at BAM and yet I continued to go and continue to go and I continue to go because I know what they stand for that's my preference I'm not saying it's right or wrong I'm saying that's my preference that I would rather take the risk of walking out knowing that I might get moved in a way that I've never experienced before more than just go and have a nice night out and see something that I know is good right and I think that goes for our careers as well you know which is if you choose to be the kind of artist that stands for something that you want to be yourself and bring yourself into everything that you do you will get fewer parts you will the parts you get we'll move you in a way that most artists will not get moved or you can bend and manipulate yourself a little bit and sort of be a little bit more of what they want and play their role and even though you don't really buy into it it's a part and I want to be an actor I want to be a performer I'm gonna I'm gonna do what they want you will absolutely get more parts without a doubt you will met you will can arguably have a better career but will you'll be profoundly moved as an artist the odds are lower it's not I can say never it's just the odds are lower it's not better or worse it is simply the decision on how you choose to manage or lead your own career both are acceptable right one means you get to use your facility a lot one means you get to work a lot one means you might be able to do only your art and actually make a living one means that you're gonna be meeting a lot of people and the odds are that you will connect with somebody at some point or you choose this route which is much more difficult and is fraught with much more risk and much more struggle but you become known for the thing that you are and it's a choice and I think the the the mistake that most artists that I mean especially performing artists were this this constant audition machine right I think they try and play both and I don't think you can be yourself and then also play the part that they want you to play I don't think you can I think that's impossible I think that's where the stress lies where you think you can play both sides of the coin I think that's where the that's where it becomes depressing and I think that's where it sucks the soul out when you when you trick yourself to think that you can have both because you can't it doesn't exist on any planet you just got to make a choice now you can make a choice half way you can change directions but but but there has to be a path that is chosen you find confidence in that path it may be difficult but it doesn't suck the soul out of it you know it doesn't become depressing it just becomes difficult and that's okay difficult is fine but I think you have to make a choice and the kind of career you want and again it's not good or bad right or wrong there's simply choices like there's nothing wrong with choice there's nothing wrong with Joyce Joyce sells a lot of tickets there's nothing wrong with it it's just a choice to live on these extremes versus VX the extremes this is very balanced this is very balanced and it's like entrepreneurs versus people who get jobs and come in corporations like there's no right or wrong or good or bad you know entrepreneurs experience highs that people in a job will never experience they also experience lows that people in a job will never experience people in companies who take jobs with stability and your highs are not that high but your lows are not that low you know they're both balanced but the point is you can't have one without the other you kind of have this you can only have this you can't choose to want this and this it just doesn't work that way you get this where you get this since the same thing was I'm talking about here you can have this as a creative career you can have this as a creative career and then you prepare yourself for four you know it's like people with curly hair when straight hair and people don't want curly hair it's the same thing these people will complete these people will always complain that why can't I ever get that and these people complain I can never get a job you're gonna be stressed no matter what focus on the thing that you're getting because that's the choice you made right I dress much rather you focus the thing you you you you're you were pursuing rather if everything you're missing and so this idea of affirmative thinking positive thinking is essential for all people but I think it's especially essential for artists and there's a very very simple biological reason for it which is the human brain cannot comprehend the negative it is incapable yes it's true I'll give you an example okay no no I'll give you an example you don't have to believe me I'll prove it I'll prove it okay the human brain cannot comprehend the negative you ready don't think of an elephant you can't you can't tell the human brain not to do something right and so what happens is we very often reinforce things when we put things in the negative right I can't get apart I can't get apart I can't get apart right or I can't do this versus I'm gonna keep doing this I'm gonna keep doing this I'm gonna keep doing this right and and it's such a huge thing to convert things into the affirmative you're supposed to do with children as well we're supposed to say instead of saying to children don't eat on the couch we're supposed to say eat at the table right we tell people what we want them to do not what them what we don't want to do pilots know this right it is well known in the pilot community that when you tell a pilot don't hit the obstacle they'll hit the obstacle because what they're doing is focusing on the obstacle skiers know this if if you ever seen skiers go through trees do you know how they do that it's very easy it's actually surprisingly easy if you go through trees on skis you go don't hit a tree don't hit a tree don't hit a tree guess what you're watching you're only looking at trees all you're doing is seeing trees you don't understand how anyone can ski with all these trees right as opposed to follow the snow follow the path follow the path the only thing you see is the path skiers know this if you say don't hit a tree you'll hit a tree you won't be able to find a path because all you see is millions of trees if you say only follow the path you actually don't see any trees there's actually very sparse trees there's plenty of paths it's plenty of snow it's the same thing for you if you focus on the obstacles all you will see as obstacles if you focus on the path through the trees all you will see is path through the trees it's your choice is how you choose to perceive your own career it's literally perspective it's literally perspective something that you said to me about actors who are always looking for the next job are always playing this short game and I would love for you to talk about that because the concept of being in it for the long haul is yep so important yes okay I'm so I'm not gonna bore you with grit and stick with it Ness it's a it's a it's a more philosophical concept right I've become very very interested in the idea of playing in games that have no finish lines right some games have finish line's right baseball football right getting apart is the finish line you audition there's a beginning middle and end who's rehearsal and practice there's showing up for the audition and you either win or you lose and then it's over it's over right that is finite but one's career is infinite there's there's no end it's like our lives are finite but life is infinite people come and people go but life continues right theater actors come and actors go but theater continues it's infinite you don't win theater you win a part but what happens once you get the part the the finite game is over now you enter the infinite game you have to be able to convert right and the reason this is important and I've seen this unfortunately so many times I have a friend one of those people who's furiously talented frustratingly talented and we all hate her because she would oversleep and miss auditions and then the one she'd roll into she'd get the part like we hate her right that is her career and as a little girl I think she was eight years old ten years old she drew a picture of herself with her name and says New York City Rockettes and she drew a picture of the Rockettes all she wanted to do was be on Broadway and become a Rockette she became a Rockette all she wanted to do was get to Broadway and we all know people like this some of you are here which is from a young age all you wanted to do was get to Broadway and then you get to Broadway and then what you've devoted your entire life to one finite goal and when you get there the immediate response is depression because I pent 15 years of my life for this one thing and I got it and now I don't know what to do next like what a get to Broadway again doesn't have the same ambition it doesn't have the same passion you know you've devoted your from you know you're from Fargo North Dakota and that's all you wanted to do is get out of Fargo and make it to Broadway and you may eat it right it doesn't have the same kind of passion and this is because these are finite goals there's a lot of studies that have been done with athletes who have finite goals to become the greatest X in the world right so Andre Agassi was one of these one of these athletes he wanted to become the greatest tennis player that ever lived guess what everyone in his life he would he would view them through how do you help me get to that everything was how does this help me get to that everything was a transaction to how do you help me move to there and then you know what happens he achieved that he became the greatest tennis player in the world and you know what happened immediately after depression Michael Phelps set out to become the most medaled Olympian in history do you know what he achieved it you're not happened immediately after depression they spend their whole life working for one goal though most will never get it the few that do don't know what to do next because their goals were finite there were finite right and so there are finite components to your career but your career should be infinite so yes of course you have to win the finite game you have to get the part but immediately when you get the part now you convert to infinite now you convert to the reason why you want it to do this in the first place by the way team athletics doesn't suffer the same thing so when the team wins the Super Bowl the team wins the Stanley Cup there is no depression afterwards because there was a team because they knew it wasn't about in each of them and as individuals is about the group that had to work together there's relationships as opposed to solo individual and I think one of the stupidest things that artists do is think that they're in this alone or worse try to do it alone you're you're stupid right how do you have a marriage in with one person paying attention to the marriage it takes two right how do you do anything difficult in the world by yourself you can't is the answer human beings are just not smart enough and just not strong enough we're just not we don't even have the emotional fortitude to do it this concept of courage and sticking with it it's all courage is an external thing right so I have met people who literally have courage what we would call courage they have put their lives on the line they've thrown themselves into harm's way in order to save the life of someone else they have done something that we would consider mad that violates all tenets of survived you knows that we're supposed to do things to make to survive so that someone else will survive current real courage and I've talked to them and I think always say why did you do it you've got a wife you've got kids why would you do that they all give me the same answer every time because they would have done it for me because someone else would have done the same for me it is the absolute confidence that the person to the left and the person to the right will do the same for me that gives them the courage to do amazing things it is external they're the most the world's most famous famous trapeze artists would never try a brand-new death-defying act for the first time without a net that's madness that's what relationships are the net right the day's you've not sure you can do it the days you're beaten up the days you're hard on yourself the days you're depressed the days you wonder why it's worth it simply having someone in your life agos I believe in you you got this I'm here we'll do it together cry on my shoulder that's what gives us the courage to go back the next day it's not us it's not us when you become a marine the recruits will sit on the floor of their barracks and they will watch as their drill instructor for the next 13 weeks takes the drill instructor oath right in front of them right now this is the person to be yelling in their face for 13 weeks right and they hear that drilling truck structure say I will continue to believe in you even when you stop believing in yourself that's what gives them courage to cake keep going right if you think that you can do this alone you cannot and I wish that artists would be more supportive of each other at auditions you will look at each other like you're the enemies right like you're gonna take my part right as opposed to saying to somebody good luck or you got this I believe in you they're so good I hope you get it and have genuine joy when they do we're not talking about strangers not talk about everybody in the room I'm talking about people you know I'm talking about your friends who show up for the same audition I mean so many people when somebody else gets a part of the they don't deserve well maybe they were one of those artists who spoke about what they believed and they happened to connect with the person in the room and maybe they've had 13 failures before you and you get every now and then you get every third one they do deserve it sometimes it's completely unfair I have a friend who auditioned for cabaret she auditioned so many times that they knew her they loved her right and she went in one time she told me the story how she went in one time they go oh you're perfect you're perfect the problem is we want a brunette and you're a blonde seriously that's why they threw her out because they have no imagination she'll die her hair never occurred to them she's a blonde she didn't fit the image my point is it's unfair it's unfair get over it you know it's it's unfair right it's not a meritocracy it's just not right it's just not and so I think I think this idea of relationships III wish artists especially performing artists had support groups for each other I don't mean I mean not online not over text I mean every last Thursday of every month a group of there might be 10 or 15 you have in the group and whoever can show up you go out for dinner or you meet at someone's house you just talk sometimes you talk about the business and sometimes you don't it doesn't matter but every last Thursday of every month this group of artists who are all going through the same thing meet let me tell you the power of that and the importance of that and I'll give you an extreme example so that you have no excuse to say well it wouldn't work for us I met a former marine recently named Zack Zack reached out to us we're not really sure why he's not really sure why but he did and he wrote an email that touched us and so I called Zack and I cried with him on the phone and I wanted to meet him I actually got to meet him this week Zack left the Marine Corps and suffered serious PTSD he refused to call at PTSD because he was only deployed once and to him PTSD is actually a badge of honor you earn if you deploy multiple multiple times so he hadn't earned the right to say I have PTSD in his mind this is what he said and it was so bad and the depression was so hard and the nightmares were so awful that Zack decided to kill himself the way he decided to kill himself was that he took his motorcycle out on the highway and he chose a truck and he was gonna Ram his motorcycle into the back of the truck and so he was going 150 miles an hour down the highway and right as he was about to hit the truck for some weird reason the truck changed lanes and he just went right past it a completely different time he decided to try again and you know when when a highway splits where there's a bridge this is usually a some sort of concrete bollard you know Zack decided to ram his motorcycle into the concrete bollard he was upgrading his strategy because it can't move hee hee was hard on the throttle driving straight towards a concrete bollard nobody's exactly sure what happened or why it happened but his back tire skidded on dirt and it pushed him out of the way didn't die so he tried again he decided this time to ride his bike into oncoming traffic so on the highway one night he drove into oncoming traffic turn the lights off his motorcycle and drove trying to hit a car and all the cars kept honking and driving around him he didn't die he tried a fourth time and he wouldn't tell us that story but it didn't work and so he realized he probably has to keep living and he realized what he was missing was people who get him and he met a soldier who says I know what you're going through come and work with me Anzac now has devoted his life to helping other Marines who are struggling people who they feel alone and they feel that nobody gets them they can ask for help and there's plenty of support groups and people and friends and sisters and brothers who want to love them and hold them but they have no idea what they went through and so it's Marines helping Marines it's soldiers helping soldiers its sailors helping sailors it's Airmen helping Airmen they don't even let Airmen help Marines Marines help Marines soldiers help soldiers sailors help sailors and airmen helped Herrmann somebody who totally understands what you've gone through and says I'll be there for you so when they say you've got to go see a shrink I'm not seeing a shrink like dude I was there I know exactly what you're going through I'm telling you got to see one they will look after you and then they'll introduce you to a psychologist who was a Marine not just some random psychologist or some random doctor they keep it in the family right and he's fantastic and he's happy and he has purpose and I mean what an amazing human being we got to meet you know he's such a good guy so if it works for them artists need to help artists actors need to help actors dancers need to help dancers singers need to help singers triple threats need to help triple threats you got it you got to create community because your friends don't know the world you live in they don't know their life you live they can't relate they're well-intentioned they just don't understand you have to help each other genuinely form a group of people who love each other just go do think go bowling together it doesn't matter what you do but you've got to have community you guys have very weak community and it's most evident when you're waiting I've gone I've gone just out of curiosity I went and hung out I do things like this I went I because I hear you guys talking about it I want to see was all about so I went by a new open I went to one of those places that have all the auditions and I just went and hung out I wouldn't just hung out and it was awful he was I hated every second of it I wasn't even auditioning and I didn't want to be there I could feel the tension I could see the daggers I could feel the hatred I could feel the jealousy I could feel the insecurity I could see it and it was awful and I hated every second and I didn't see anybody and people knew each other people like hey you know people knew each I didn't see anybody offers support to anybody somebody practicing their lines and somebody was just hanging around nobody said let me help you I didn't see any of them it was gross so so the question was about visualization and and while watching the Olympics you're watching some of these these super high performers and some of them talk about visualizing this one athlete said I'm uncomfortable visualizing right does that what happened you're saying it's uncomfortable oh oh that's a defense situation all together so you're uncomfortable visual lysing success [Music] so there's finite success and then they're staying in the game they're different finite success and you have to play finite games within the infinite you have to write and there as long as there's a beginning middle and end that's a finite game and we all have to agree on what the rules of the game are we all agree that once the parts are given out the game is over and everybody agrees to that that's how we know it's the end but there nobody knows what the end after that is because we haven't agreed upon it or nobody's even agreed upon what success is is it money is it number of parts landed is it size of the part you get is it being on the front or being in the back like is it better to be the lead and a small play or in the chorus of a big one like I don't know right the point is we haven't agreed and we haven't agreed on the timeframe well you have to be able to land a part in four years otherwise you're a failure or you're a success like we haven't agreed that's the infinite part of it right there are finite components within but that's the infinite part of it so the the you have to get comfortable visualizing I hate to tell you but it has to be on your own terms right and it's the difference between seeing in the trees and seeing the path as if you're saying I'm uncomfortable seeing success what you're saying is I'd rather look at trees and here's the good news you'll hit them right like there's a narrative in your head and that narrative has to change because you will fulfill your own narrative right I'll tell you a funny story that makes my point in a circuitous way but it's a funny story so I wanted to prove that all marketing was the same thing no matter what you're selling it was always the same thing right and good marketing talked about the buyer and bad marketing talked about the seller makes sense I versus you right so to illustrate my point I wanted to prove that what the homeless do and what Microsoft does is the same thing so if you think about what the homeless do there is advertising they sit there with a little sign that says I'm homeless I'm hungry I got six kids I'm a veteran like whatever whatever whatever trying to appeal to everybody that's called a little billboard right Microsoft has a billboard that says more memory bigger screen all the rest of it right more RAM or ROM right and what the homeless are selling is goodwill so if you walk past a homeless person you put money in their cup you feel good if you give them nothing you either feel nothing or feel bad you paid for that feeling there's an exchange of consideration I sold you goodwill you paid for it you got it right they're selling goodwill that's what they're doing is selling the feeling of goodwill so I found a homeless person who was willing to help me and her her sign was pretty typical and I found out that she makes between twenty and thirty dollars a day selling goodwill and she works in 8 to 10-hour day right $30 is considered a good day right selling goodwill like I said her sign was pretty typical so I asked her if I could change her sign we did and the sign that I gave her she made $40 in two hours the sign that I gave her said if you only give once a month please think of me next time it wasn't about the seller it was about the giver what are the reasons people say they don't give how do I know that they're genuine I can't give to everyone so I simply answer the questions if you only give once a month please think of me next time I know you can't give to everybody I'm legit that's all right now here's the point I was gonna make she could have made $150 that day but after she made her $40 in two hours she left because one of the reasons she's homeless or we could we couldn't surmise that one of the reasons she's homeless is she's decided that she needs 20 or $30 to live per day so once she had it she moved on that's a narrative it's a narrative right so she'll stay there because she didn't sit longer that's a narrative so there's a wonderful little trick you can use with your narrative right just add the word yet at the end okay I'll never get I'm not famous yet not that talented yet I'm so bad I'm not good at auditions like I need to get better any like I suck at auditions for now right you can just add a couple of words of hope or opportunity or the potential for future or some sort of infinite component that will profoundly change your narrative we all get hard on ourselves we all bleed ourselves up and by the way in your community when you start going out every last Thursday of every month right and somebody says I suck at this one of you will say for now you'll you'll you'll correct them I'll never make it yeah just you don't have to yell at them scream you like no you gotta be positive just just just throw in a word at the end of the sentence for them so what you have is a narrative so I'll give you one more Olympic story I was also watching the Olympics and this is what I mean I realized this when I was watching the London Olympics so couple Olympics ago and I was annoyed by how all the journalists asked all the athletes the same stupid question literally everyone were you nervous or are you nervous whether it was before or after the event every single time and every single time all the athletes gave the exact same answer no as excited no I'm excited every single time these elite athletes had learned to interpret body stimulus what is what are the signs of nervousness your heart races you visualize the future you clamp your hands get clammy what's this what are the stimulus for excitement your heart races you visualize the future your hands get clammy they had learned to interpret what their body was telling them not as nerves but as excitement and the reason the journalists said were you nervous is because they would be nervous athletes would never say that to each other they say that was exciting so I tried it I did a little test on myself right I'm on a plane we start hitting some really bad turbulence I go and then I say to myself literally out loud this is exciting and I was fine and I was fine so I do it a lot now when I find myself getting nervous I say to myself this is so exciting and I'll explain the reason to myself why so like an actor you don't get nervous when you're going to stage anymore but occasionally you do so I get to go on stage a lot and I don't really get nervous much anymore but I was going to present to 3,000 Chiefs of Police right in the middle of all this police brutality hullabaloo and I got really nervous because the stakes are really high you know and I was literally getting nervous backstage and I said to myself this is so exciting I have an opportunity to talk to a group of people who can actually affect change in this country this is really exciting now I could have said the same thing I'm so nervous I'm about to talk to people who could but the interpretation was excitement just changed the narrative it works brilliantly well I should give shorter answers someone who's currently working on Deadline so you can relate how when you are a person who wants to create something and then someone says great please create this for me it's due on such-and-such today can you just talk about what that relationship is like and how you manage it I think some people are better at it and some people are worse at it I don't think there's a universal answer for this one you know I really admire artists anybody that have discipline you know so I know writers people ask me what's your writing process because you know do goes because some writers treat it like a job they write from 9 to 5 some artists treated as a goal and when I write 2,500 words day even if what I write is crap right I do neither of those things but it just doesn't work for me I've tried to just doesn't work my process is days of guilt and self-loathing punctuated by hours of sheer brilliance and I don't know when those hours and I don't know when there's hours strike that's my process I think the the relationship with with time is you know it's like you know who helped me on this and I can I can empathize I can relate because of my sophomore work you know because we spend somebody asked me how long did it take you to write start with Y which is my first book and my answer was every day of my life up until that day all right the problem is with your second work it's like okay you have a year but it took me every day of my life up until that day to write the first one I I'm not sure I can do it in a year and people would always ask me you know I think they were being they're trying to be helpful but they would say things to me like how are you going to do a second TED talk as famous as the first one how are you gonna write a second book as good as the first one it's like thank you thank you and it was actually Elizabeth Gilbert's TED talk that helped me she gave this wonderful TED talk where she talked about the concept of genius right where prior to the I think was the Renaissance probably was the Renaissance prior to the Renaissance the or maybe probably just doing the Renaissance the the concept of genius was a daemon that lived in the walls so if somebody produced a marvelous work we would say of them he had his genius his genius was with him and if there was a flop they would say she didn't have her genius her genius wasn't there right so you could never take full credit for your success but you never had to beat yourself up so much if you had a failure either and somewhere along the line the genius that you had became the genius that you are she's a genius and for their for their profound work that they produced and now you have to live up to that and the stress of living up to being a genius because the one thing that you did that none of us really know how we did it because it was largely accidental even though we take all the credit is the stress is overwhelming the stress is overwhelming and then you add deadlines in the rest of it so I thank goodness learn that lesson before I started my second work and was at complete peace with the fact that I had an inspiration not that I was inspired or I am inspired when I produced my first work and was totally comfortable that I would not produce a second work as good as the first I I removed the comparison and my only goal was to produce as good a work as that work could be irrespective of the other work I wasn't trying to make this work Ben than that work I wasn't trying to make this work as good as that work I was trying to make this work the best work it could be by its own standards and its own metrics in fact the techniques that I used to write the first one I had completely different techniques to write the second one all the things that I relied on that helped me stay productive and the first thing they didn't even work in the second one so I had to invent entirely new systems to help me pretty productive in the second one it literally was an entirely different experience with zero stress of comparison so I think time is the same thing by the way my first book was exactly on time I literally handed my manuscript in on the day apparently that's a big deal apparently nobody does that I didn't know that was my first book nobody told me that nobody really hands it in on time but I did literally on the day my second book was a year late because I had to write a good book based on its own standards and I couldn't do it in the timeframe now I'm the first to admit I'm the first to admit that when you write one book that sells exceptionally well the publish is much more patient with the second one before I get that Susan Cain took six years to write the book quiets her first book six years right she's working on another book it's probably gonna take her six years she knows that she's okay with that but like I said before I'm gonna refer back to the answer I gave before remember I said there's two ways to manage a career you stand for what you stand for and people either buy into her don't it's much harder you're gonna get fewer parts but my goodness my goodness when you get them or you bend in shape and you play by their rules the same goes for this right when you say to somebody I will work I will produce a really good piece of work but the odds are pretty high I'm gonna miss the deadline if they are deadline-driven you won't get that you won't get the job but you feel like I'm gonna do it on the deadline no matter what because I want this job you'll produce something I have no doubt it may be really good but Susan went in very openly and said I can't do it in a year I'm not going to do it in a year there's no insecurity I'm not gonna do it in a year you'll have the book when I'm done with it hopefully there will be a few years but you'll get it when it's done and they went well okay that's my point they bought into her not the deadline right not better or worse there's not better where some publishers can afford that and some publishers just we need to produce books and they understand that sometimes they put out onto the marketplace but hey look at how many books we got on the market they're playing a numbers game it's a different business model but Susan made the decision to to be that kind of writer assuming that I meet my deadline it'll be out in October amazingly I think this is so funny about modern book selling you can actually buy my book on Amazon it's called the infinite game and I haven't even finished writing it I think that's so fantastically funny but yes you can buy it it is it's not even the right cover but it's a cover yes yeah that was behind you there was a question yes yeah yeah yeah cuz you know what they did wrong yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so the question was the question was so she's a singer-songwriter but you still perform other people's works and you have frustration sometimes when you perform other people's works because you could do it better you would have done it differently right and I think I think to do both things you have to be able to separate them right which is you have to be able to say I am a creator and I'm a Terp and I'm an interpreter and you create when it's time to create you interpret it's time to interpret it's unfair to you but it's also unfair to the other creator for you to come in and judge their work based on your creative standards just as when you give your creations to someone else to perform you don't need them or want them to judge your work if you don't like the work they don't sing it so and again you may have two parallel paths which is I'm gonna be this kind of artist for my creation of them being this kind of artist for my interpretation but you kind of I mean I mean have at it I mean have at it but yeah yeah and my question is why do you want the Grammy why do you want the Tony what happens once you get the Grammy you only want one Grammy you're okay with one Grammy you only want one Grammy just to say it did it how many's how many's a tons at four is at five is a ten who has the most how many Grammys what person got the most do you want that you want more than that why okay okay so what point doesn't run out just I'm just curious but how many grams you have to win before you switch I think that you will you I admire your your passion and your gussto I do I love it and you have that drive and I think you'll be very surprised how how after the first Grammy the insecurity starts to set in that you never had prior okay because because you you will get to the point where you can no longer judge your work based on its own merits for yourself you now want everybody else to judge your work for you because that's really what a Grammy is [Music] don't compare it's where your talent lies right Michael Sheehan malleable who is he good Doug I mean really really good right there are brilliant brilliant artists sometimes we don't know who they are like most people don't know their names because they play so many roles so differently gary oldman valuable artist Wow the best one of the best what's his name Daniel day-lewis I mean have you ever seen two parts look the same never one of the best malleable artists I've ever seen in my life Robert DeNiro knots Emanuel great if you like that it's like I said there's a wonderful review I went to see I went to see a Philip Glass opera and the review read the review was great the review said it's the same tune but if you like that tune it's brilliant not malleable right when when when art sounds like itself that's that kind of art when art can be anything it's a different of art so don't for one second think one is better or worse right there are great artists who play themselves every time and there are great artists who play others every single time what they want well I think so I think whether you're an interpretive artist or whether you're a creator you know your Creator I I think you should always be showing up to be yourself right it I mean this is the the horrible term authenticity you know because you never want to be what they want you want to bring your own interpretation to the part and hopefully they'll like it it's a slightly different mental model no I mean can you imagine you go on a date and on your first date you say tell me how you would like to meet to be I'm a valuable artist I'm very comfortable I like pleasing people I like people being happy I want you to be happy so I'm going to learn what you like and I'm gonna do that right it's it's not a good way to start a relationship right and I think the same goes for any kind of peace i I want you to bring yourself to it because yourself is the only thing that distinguishes you from all the other performers because training is is a commodity rehearsal as a commodity right your resume is the commodity everybody's got a couple of great coaches in a couple of great parts and everybody fudged a couple you know so if everything else is the commodity and the only thing that distinguishes you from somebody else is you then I would stick with that it's probably the only thing you're good at too which is yourself your master yeah yeah I mean I aim in my business you know there are people who are much smarter than me much more disciplined than me have much greater command of like when I quote studies I can't remember the studies I was like there was a study they did a study you know they who do all the studies you know and I'll stand on the stage of Blake's and I'll fudge I'll like get the numbers wrong I'll be like 80% is like 75% and there's a friend of mine who's in the same who does the similar work who knows every study and be like so a Stanford study in 1989 they found out that 79.6% and I was like and he and he thinks it gives him more credibility he thinks you have to be able to do that because it gives credibility and it does I just wish I could remember it because I can't write and it drives him up the wall that I can't I'm like they did a study and like something like this with like about 80% I think something like that should go check yourselves and and it drives him nuts but that's kind of just who I am and I'm at peace with it you know so what distinguishes me from him is not that I'm trying to do I really should remember the names of the studies and I really should he was kind of you know unless I wrote him down and I don't like doing notes unless I put them in a PowerPoint and I refused to do that so so my style is a little more casual a little more relaxed I could get all the data right if I put it up on a slide I'd never get it wrong but I sacrifice the accuracy for this that's my choice it's not better or worse it's my choice right side of the room left side a room is showing you up just just saying all the questions are coming from the left side of the room yes I think there's a couple of reasons the question is when I talk about what you do and why you do it that the your inclination was that artist is so in touch with their feelings they inherently would understand the why but what you've learned is they don't is that okay why is that I think there's a couple of reasons I think one of the reasons is goes back to community which is you don't help each other you don't talk to each other it doesn't come out and because you don't get to have that depth of conversation with somebody about this kind of stuff what are you gonna do it yourself you know like when we do why discoveries for anybody is it's it's at least a pair right we we strongly recommend people do it with someone it's better it works better so I think part of that is community you've actually though you may be in touch with your feelings I don't think you've ever gone to the depths you need to go to understand what your why is which is a conversation and somebody else listening to you and saying I don't understand why did you say this forcing you to go deeper right that's number one and I think number two is dare I say it hubris a little bit of excessive pride I do emotions for a living right and so the result is is very generic stuff because I've talked to plenty of artists and asked them do you know your why and they with great confidence say of course I call my white horse and I say what is it what really inspires me is I want to entertain people like how many people can tell me that what really inspires me is that I can transport people away from their stress to another world old like that is entirely accurate for the entire discipline that's like an airline telling me ry is to get people to where they're going true but not proprietary it's good for the industry so you're right you've cleverly designed the Y for all entertainment right accurate just too broad and so within all entertainment there's a different Y for music there's a different Y for acting there's different Y for dancing is it my performing there's a different wife of creating Brazil is it all in and then is a different way for you and the questions that you want to grapple with are are what about you what you do is worth the suffering entertaining people is worth suffering you know everything that you go for in survival jobs and living in a tiny apartment with 12 roommates is worth is worth some banker boy paying $400 for ticket to come see you so you can escape his stress for the day for two hours right what is worth what about what you do is so worth the sacrifice all right gonna have that conversation by yourself unlikely but maybe every last Thursday of every month another way to get to that answer is to find the times in which you did this thing that you fell in love with this thing it might have been a commercial flop it might have been the worst experience of your life but for some reason this one specific incident is one specific experience exemplifies what I love not like you know do you love your wife I like her I like her no no do you love your wife I like her a lot I told you I like her a lot like it's a different standard like him love okay didn't like the show didn't like the whatever it is you were doing loved it find those I'll give you an example so I did some work with the Disney Imagineers the Disney Imagineers are the ones responsible for everything physical that Disney makes the boats the parades the shows the rides the parks the only thing they don't touch is merchandising and the film's but everything else is the Imagineers they're incredible and I went to talk to the Imagineers about this concept of why and I decided a spontaneously to demonstrate it to do an example and I picked a random person in the audience one of the Imagineers I picked an older guy because I figured he was more seen you'd been around for a while and what I didn't realize I found out afterwards the guy that I picked had a nickname at the company his name was ice chips because he was a cold bastard and people who worked for ice chips didn't like working for his chips because ice chips was hard to work for hard on them and he and he drove them hard as a cold bastard I picked ice chips so I asked ice chips can you tell me a specific story can you tell me a specific story that helps me understand what you love about being a Disney Imagineer and he didn't have to think too long and he told me the story he told took five or six minutes to tell it was wonderful but here's the short version he oversaw the design and build of a brand new ride at Disneyland and on its opening he decided to go to see it run for the first time and he was standing back and watching the parents and the kids started to line up for the ride and in the front of the line in there was a guy in a wheelchair and his daughter and he said everywhere in the world what the world sees is a man in a wheelchair and his daughter he said only at Disneyland do we only see a father and his daughter and it's the only place that you can ever go where he will never feel like he's in a wheelchair with his daughter he will feel like he's just a father with his daughter and if you know anybody who is in a wheelchair who's ever gone to Disneyland it is one of the best design parks for handicapped disabled and not only were we all crying but instantly everybody understood why he was so hard because to him those were the stakes instantly everyone wanted to work for him instantly everyone wanted him to be hard on them because they wanted to push to produce that level of quality to have that kind of impact in the life of another human being that's purpose but he had to go through the process and nobody knew it until he articulated it they they didn't like him but once his Y was clear he didn't have to change a thing he did not have to change a thing that's what Y provides it provides context for who you are to your friends to people you're auditioning to they will understand your interpretation they understand what you're bringing to the part because you start with Y and yes you say it it takes a second it takes a second where's your name what are you what's your name where'd you come from it's just throw it in there ignore the question right I do it every single time I go every meeting I have every meeting that I call I said let me tell you why I've called this meeting every meeting that I have I love you let me go why why I wanted to come to this meeting and I'll ask it I want to know why you took the meeting to please now you can't do that yeah but I will say before we get started once you know why I took this meeting I imagine a world that does not yet exist I imagine a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired feel safe at work and return fulfilled at the end of the day and so I saw the opportunity to have this meeting as something that I'd hope will help me advance that world my name is simon Sinek and i'm from blood of love it takes us what took eight seconds nobody's nobody's ever interrupted me ever and say oh I just want your name or I can say my why my why is to inspire people to do the things that inspire them so together each of us can change our world for the better everything I do is singularly devoted to that I'm hoping that this affords me the opportunity to bring that to life what is that six seconds now you know exactly who I am you know exactly what I'm gonna bring if you don't want it you're not gonna hire me if you do want to give me a chance every single time it's never failed me and I use it as my own filter too right because it's always in my head so back in the early days I often get accused that I that I have the luxury of being able to turn down things I've been turning down things before I could afford to I had no money in the bank literally hand you know hand to mouth I was eat it as a living and yet I would turn down business because it didn't feel right didn't it wasn't right I chose a different path I chose this path much more difficult right true story guy calls me up he says I got your name from someone who hired you and spoke very highly of you thank you I've heard about your work thank you convince me why I should hire you my answer don't what I'm not the right guy for you which is what my polite was saying you're not the right guy for me I'm not right for this part I'm the wrong one for this part I'm sorry I'm not right I bowed out of things all the time always saying I'm it's not me which is true because I want I want this the ones I loved were the people who said you're onto something I don't think it's perfect I don't think you have all the answers I think there's some flaws in what you're doing but I think you're on to something with a little grin like I want to work with you they're buying my why they're ready told me buy what's flawed but that takes huge discipline and let me tell you it does get very hard and you can compromise now and then for practical reasons I got it bills to pay I got it I got it I'm an idealist I know reality exists but you kind of do it too often like when you're getting into shape like if you exercise a lot and you can have chocolate cake knock yourself out you just kind of do too often every now and then a little bit of out of balance it's okay yes right side of the room just saying just saying yes personal evolutions and yep okay so the first question was remind me how do you deal with an evolving sense of y self growth and all the rest of it okay you only have one why okay your Y was fully formed probably in your mid to late teens it is the sum total of who you are how you were raised experiences you had when you were younger it is who you are the rest of your life simply offers you opportunities to live in balance or out of balance with that Y the earlier you learn it the more likely you can manage the opportunities you say yes or no to so that you remain in balance right so your Y has never changed ever you only have one what you're talking about is different things that you're doing to bring your Y to life I've had a few careers I had great passion for all of them at various times and even this journey that I'm on with this concept of Y has changed multiple times what I'm doing has evolved many times the what is very malleable and flexible but the Y that's underlying it's always been there it's always been there so you only have one Y okay and the self growth is be coming to terms with it and making sure that you're making decisions that keep you in balance that's the growth that's the good you get and that's an ongoing process no one's perfect at it you get better and better and better at it you can keep reinventing yourself as long as you can you can reinvent you can reinvent it to yourself as long as it's consistent with why you do what you do yeah you can do different things as long as it's consistent and you find that that new thing actually does allow you to to bring your Y to life that's that's great and the your second question was what how the how the infinite game relates to the Y how and what yeah sure yeah yeah okay so my my my work is semi-autobiographical my work is about a journey it's my journey it just so happens there are other human beings out there on similar human journeys just so happens thank goodness so why is where I started why is about knowing why you do what you do it's higher sense of purpose cause of belief and it's the thing that attracts people to you and attracts you to people right the problem is what happens once you've been attracted to all the people that people are attracted to you that's when I wrote leader Z last now that you got the people what do you do with the people how do you make an environment in which people love and trust each other is it them or is it the environment turns out it's the environment get the environment right you get trust and cooperation get the environment wrong you get cynicism paranoia mistrust and self-interest it's not the people it's the environment okay so now you got this amazing team and everybody loves each other but the problem is you work in reality and the world doesn't care about your why and the world doesn't care about your team they only care about themselves and what they get and what they want so how was an idealist supposed to operate in reality and that's where the the construction of the finite infinite game has helped me understand and manage how I go through reality so I'm not just a an idiot with his head in the clouds I'm also an idiot with his feet on the ground [Laughter] and that's what the that's what it is so the concept of why there's five things that you need to play the infinite game right just cause courageous leadership vulnerable team worthy adversary and in a flexible playbook right so the first one just cause that's why that's the why but just you have to have a why to play the infinite game then courageous leadership you have to the courage to do it say yes and no two things say yes to difficult things where's my friend with the visualization say yes difficult things and say no to things that you know were wrong even though they may look good on paper we do that with people all the time right and the third thing vole neural team that's the circle of safety that's leaders eat last then you add in a worthy adversary okay where the adversaries about respecting the people in your industry your competitors respecting them not hating them because what you're worthy adversaries do what those people in that audition room do is they reveal to you all your weaknesses [Laughter] that's why we get insecure that's why we hate people we hate the people we hate the people who reveal to us our insecurities they make us feel bad about ourselves right so it's not them it's you right and that's good because that's a worthy adversary because we don't run our best times we run around a track by ourselves that's if you only went to auditions by yourself you'd actually never improve because you have nothing to judge against we run our best times we run in a race now if your entire goal is to undermine the competitor of your entire goals to beat your competition you can shoot your competitor in the race and you will get the part you will win the race but you'll still be a slow runner or or you lose the race and you learn why they ran the RET why they won the race you learn your weaknesses I'm bad in the straightaway good it turns bad in the straightaway I'm only gonna practice the straightaway I'm better at sprinting I'm no good at distance whatever it is and you work harder and harder because the only true competitor in an infinite game is yourself everyone else there is to reveal your weaknesses to you so you can find the areas in which you can improve I'm susceptible to it there is there's another author out there that I hate I hate I hate him and when I look at my my book ranking on Amazon I don't look at anything else my book ranking and his no one else just the two of us and when mines up I'm like and when mine when he's ahead of me and like doesn't deserve it now he's super smart he's super good at what he does he's really compelling I intellectually I know he's really good but I hate him so we were invited to speak on the same stage and the interviewer said to us why don't you guys introduce each other and he said I'll go first Simon so now I had to go first because he was being funny I'm like funny here's what I said to the audience I turned to him in front of the audience and I said you make me really insecure I said because all of your strengths are all of my weaknesses and he turned to me he said funny I feel the same about you we are now close friends we love each other I love it when his book is doing better than mine I love it when his careers on fire I love it when people bring up his name I'm proud of him and I want his work out there because I came to terms with the fact that it was never him oh the open playbook the fourth one was the worthy adversary and the last one is the flexible playbook of the open playbook the flexible playbook means that the the just cause is fixed but the path you take to get there must be flexible so going to my singer-songwriter friend in the back the path you take is flexible you can bring your cause to life in it any way you want it's the people who say I'm only a singer and so they only take singing parts and they close the opportunity to do things that would inspire them and inspire others and force them to work really hard at something that they're not already good at because they haven't been practicing for 20 years because they've got a fixed path and the cause becomes malleable was like through and they justify it as opposed to saying my cause is fixed and I'll take whatever path I need to take to advance my why so I'm this right I am not a public speaker but I do a lot of public speaking I'm not an author but I've written a bunch of books I refuse to define myself by what I do at the time that I did those things or at the time that I choose to do those things those are the things that I have decided are good ways for me to advance my message in my cause and if I stop speaking publicly my self-identity is totally fine like we all have friends who are doctors and bankers and one another and when they stop doing that thing they literally they lose their self-identity we rap too much of our identity in what we do rather than define ourselves as devoted to a cause bigger than ourselves was Martin Luther King a public speaker or was he a man devoted to a cause of course is the virtua cause I choose to live a life devoted to a cause define myself by none of those things to the point I'm actually a bastard about it to the point like when I blur books right they always write it was the best book I ever read right and then underneath it'll say simon Sinek and then this is how do you do for other people CEO blah blah blah best-selling author blah blah blah right that's a the credibility that's why they do it right and imma bastard about it I make them right this is the best book I ever read simon Sinek optimist and author of author always comes second optimist comes first because if I stopped writing books and still an optimist my identity is wrapped into why I do what I do not what I do so that's what the open that's what the flexible playbook means it means that you're open to the fact that there may be paths that are different to the one that you're on and those paths if you choose to take them may be extremely difficult to do to be one silly example so Steve Jobs had a very clear sense of purpose a very clear sense of cause which is to give the individual the power to stand up to big brother right he loved that and he saw the personal computer is the great way to do that right that an individual could compete against a corporation how cool is that right and he's already a famous CEO they've had success with the Apple one they've had success with the Apple 2 and their next product it's called the Lisa right that's their next big product now coincidentally at the same time that they were developing the Lisa Jobs and a bunch of the senior executives went to visit Xerox and Xerox showed them a new product that they invented called the graphic user interface the new technology and jobs as he's leaving xerox says to his guys we have to invest in this this is way better than what we're doing this is a leapfrog of what we're doing people don't have to learn a computer language they can just move a mouse on the screen that means even more people could take down the man we have to invest in this graphic user interface thing and his guy said Steve are you crazy we've already invested millions of dollars in countless man-hours in the Lisa we can't walk away from it if we do that we'll blow up our own company to which jobs replies better we should blow it up than someone else that decision was the Macintosh a computer platform that profoundly changes computing as we know it the entire software of Windows designed to mimic a Macintosh that's a flexible playbook that's a man with a fixed cause and an open path which means you might have devoted thousands of dollars and countless years becoming X except that's better and you can have to learn a whole new discipline and we've really hard work and you're gonna walk away yeah if but it's not random and it's not opportunistic it's not because I think I can make more money here it's because I found a better path that will help you advance my cause technically we're done yeah but I'll keep going if you want we'll do a little more I think should we take any questions from Facebook or did that not work out ok ok let's do a couple Facebook questions if you if you guys need to leave technically we're done and you need to leave you can leave I won't be offended oh I have to say goodbye to you cuz you're going away for a week come here no you have come here have a wonderful wonderful holiday thanks so much yeah if you need to go that's fine I'll just keep going for those who want to stay okay so what are certain techniques we can use to go back to our authentic state when we what when we feel like we can't show our authentic state who there's a lot going on on that one well we don't okay we how do we get back to our authentic state we don't feel like we can show so have you lost it so authenticity and I don't like the word is let's because nobody really knows what it means so authentic what authenticity means is that you say and do the things you actually believe that's it that's all it means so if she's saying when you don't feel like you can show it that means whether she's choosing or she feels pressure to not say and do the things she actually believes right this is what she means by being an authentic so though how do you reclaim your authenticity well one the easiest way I mean knowing your Y is an advanced way let's be honest right because you can do without knowing your Y the best way to do it is I'll go back to that sense of camaraderie and friendship which is you have to have someone in your corner who loves you who knows you for who you are who loves you for who you are and wants you to be who you are and you need someone in your corner who says you got this be yourself right I love you so I think the the the the thing to do is brené Brown talks about this which is we don't build trust by asking for we don't build trust by offering help to others we build trust by asking for help from others and so it takes a much more courage to say somebody I need I need help versus how can I help you and I think sometimes we say how can I help you when what we really mean is I need help and this is my story I lost my passion and I was in a dark place and I was very inauthentic and I was trying to portray a role it wasn't me a successful entrepreneur when I was a failing entrepreneur and a friend came to me and said I'm worried about you so she opened the door and thank goodness I stepped through it and said I need your help and I came clean and it took a huge weight off my shoulders and all the energy that I was using lying hiding and faking which is what we're doing when were being inauthentic I could now invest that energy and finding a solution the solution I found was this thing called the Y so it was because of a friend that my life was changed and saved not because of me not because of me my genius was in my friend so I don't take any credit for it so it's the same thing you know there's something I've had the opportunities been a lot of time with folks in the military and they do things very differently to us I've hugged more people in uniform that I have in suits I've cried with more people in uniform than I've cried with in suits I've stood in audiences and listened to officers give a briefing that I've cried at I've never cried when a CEO give a speech we have colleagues and co-workers they have brothers and sisters it is a different relationship right and I remember I had an I had an experience where I was on a stage talking to a group of senior officers in the Air Force and I told a very very difficult story for the first time and I choked up and I couldn't go I couldn't go on you know you get to that point where you know if you go on you're gonna lose it so you just don't go on and you just hold it you know just don't because you know if you say one more word you you lubber and so you don't and in the private sector I know what they do they say don't worry they say take a minute right they that's what they do in the private sector I heard two words come from a general in the audience he said go on very different instruction he didn't say take your time he didn't say take a moment he didn't say compose yourself he said you're in a very very very safe space here right he said go on that's all I heard and so I went on and I cried it was good so what we need is when we hold back for fear or concern that we're going to cry or that we may accidentally reveal ourselves that instead of saying to somebody take your time have a moment when you're ready instead we say to them go on that's stuck with me want to do another Facebook question yeah if we go back to my homeless example everybody's selling something to somebody so yeah sure it's all the same right I think in the retail industry if we try and link it back to the arts there are like I'll put it this way there is a refusal to compete here's what I mean here's what I mean any participant in any industry can get lazy when there is little change in how that industry operates and then when there's a sudden change to how the industry operates everybody gets angry panics and points a finger I'll give you an example ok I'll give you two examples example number one taxi companies around the world hate Buber right now here's the reality the app that calls a car not proprietary you can call a taxi with it with an app right paying with your phone not proprietary any taxi can do that as well the reason Eber is eating taxi companies for lunch is because it's a better product and the taxi companies around the world could have a shitty product because you're the only game in town and we had no choice and now you have a competitor and instead of competing you're getting angry I would gladly take more cabs than call services if I got in the cab and he said hi and it was clean and I had a nice chat with him and he wasn't on the phone and he wasn't smoking and in all of these things and I had some leg room I'd gladly gladly gladly has nothing to do with the app the paid mechanism has to do with the fact that Juno and lyft are just better is it just a better experience better product is why I take them it costs a dollar more whatever I'll pay for it it's not even a price thing I have no idea but she's were more expensive but actually never compared the same goes for Starbucks right so there was a lot of people hate Starbucks because they put mom and pops out of business right the reality is the complete opposite that when Starbucks moves into a neighborhood mom and pops coffee shops actually do better for two reasons one Starbucks attract more customers so there's more people and the second reason is there is a groundswell of giving back to the local and so more people go to the mom-and-pop right the ones that go out of business the ones that refuse to compete I'll give you a real-life example this goes back a few years a real life example I'm lactose intolerant right so I don't have milk in my coffee and there was a time where it wasn't a foregone conclusion that every coffee shop had soy milk or almond milk or something so I would always go into the mom-and-pop that was across the street from Starbucks always go to the mom-and-pop and I'd say do you guys have any soy milk and they go nope I go like thank you and I would walk out those went out of business because I went to Starbucks he's right I went to Starbucks now had Starbucks moved in and they went across the street and said let's see what Starbucks has we should offer soy milk maybe it's time for us to replace this ripped couch that we've had for 15 years because it's really nice across there and it's really gross here it's the ones who got angry and refused to compete that went out of business I think retail is the same everybody's pointing fingers instead of saying we've had it really good for a bunch of years and the question is now what is our competitor revealing about our own weaknesses that we can learn to improve because that's what competition does competition reveals your weaknesses to you and when you had no competition you didn't know where you were weak this is the problem with being the best at anything because you don't know where your your faults are and then somebody undermines you because they can see your faults before you can we'll do one more Facebook question and then we'll do some more in here and then we'll probably should wind down how do you do how do you stay inspired when doing all the parts of your work that are tedious and not inspiring not creative sorry how do you stay inspired when when you're doing all the parts of your work that are tedious and not creative okay the answer is do you know it's like raising children okay having children is awful don't try and convince me otherwise have you seen what your apartment looks like have you seen what your house looks like your definition of dinner is eating macaroni and cheese over the sink with a plastic spoon right if you have a backseat of a car it's destroyed [Laughter] [Music] you have kids that throw temper tantrums and all you want to do is watch TV but they don't want to go to bed that's your life right you have to travel at Christmas or summer the most expensive and worse times to travel because everybody's on vacation because you have kids you own a Honda Odyssey you know did you have one the poster of one of those on your wall when your kid was that your aspiration the Lamborghini and the Honda Odyssey you've got one right it's freaking hard work and they're really annoying and then they have problems and they're sick and they get bad grades and who knows what so why would anybody have a child it's for the unpredictable glimmers when you catch your five-year-old sharing with your four-year-old when you check to see that your kid is sleeping you find them under the covers with a flashlight reading the school play the first girlfriend the first boyfriend it's the unpredictable glimmers that make all of the sacrifice worth it and the same goes here creativity is not something that you get to have every day if you did you'd be jaded and it get boring thank you you know you don't get that a living a creative life means that you you accept the tedium and you accept the the mundane as part of the process of discovering the glimmers and when you get those glimmers all the tedium disappears it was all worth it you know so there's no such thing as a thrill a day and and when people seek it out they die young you know it's just not a sustainable model asking for help helps somewhat delegating helps somewhat saying learning to say no to some things helps somewhat but it's it just it's part of the deal relationships are the same relationships are really hard but it's the glimmers when someone makes you feel like you're the most special person on earth when someone makes you feel that you're the better version of yourself because they're in your life you know you don't get that every day you know and that goes for friendships that goes for really does anything like my III every now and then I look at my I pull back and I look at my own friendships and it's not a criticism of the people that are in my life that I call friends it's a criticism of me which is I have people in my life that I can absolutely say with absolute certainty that I'm a better version of myself because they're in my life and if I lost them I would lose a piece of me it is without certainty without without a doubt I mean with absolute certainty and I also have people in my life that if I look back at my friendship I really haven't grown at all because they're in my life and I spend time with them maybe because I don't like being alone and they were available or I spend time with them because they're funny and I like him but if they disappeared would I feel like a piece of me got lost probably not and then I asked myself because it's not a criticism of them it's a criticism of me I asked myself am i investing time and the people that are helping me grow like should I should i because if I never called them they'd never call me I know that too you know so should I really have a few nights alone in order to save up time you know I don't have an answer for it but these are the things I think about so yeah we'll do one more question one more one more yes you've been waiting so patiently and you're from the right side of the game the one question from the right side of the room one question for resident there's a lot under shoulder this better be a good question it's the only question from the right side of the room and it's the last question isn't this exciting isn't this exciting just a macro philosophical sense change is happening so the question was in a world of uncertainty how do we stay balanced yeah is that the question right I'll give you the same answer I've given 15 times today you better have someone in your life who loves you now the harder question is how do you have someone in your life who loves you okay that's the harder question and there's an answer to that too you better be open to loving someone all right that's all I got [Music]

Channel: Jen Waldman

Views: 273,090

Rating: 4.8269806 out of 5

Keywords: simon sinek, start with why, jen waldman, jen waldman studio, jws, artists, broadway

Id: aEf7BLUyd0o

Length: 113min 50sec (6830 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 08 2018