[Music] [Applause] Thank you very much. Two of the statements previously
said are both true. I did speak at the first TEDx San Diego. And I have dressed as Superman
at Comic Con. Both are true. So, I get a question at every single
talk that I give and every single meeting that I have. Invariably someone will ask me
"The Millennial Question." apparently—and most of you in here I think were born after the year 1984, right? —which makes you Millennials. Um, '94 ish.
'84 ish I mean. Apparently, your generation is unleadable. Apparently, you confound leaders. And I travel around talking about
this thing called leadership and apparently you're the one they have no idea what to do with. Which I think is funny. What they've started to do then is ask you what you want and you reply back, "Free food and bean bags." "Open plan." And so, they do that.
And yet, nothing changes. And so, instead of trying to figure it out and try and understand you guys they accuse you of being entitled. They accuse you of being narcissistic. Sometimes they accuse you of being lazy. I've heard that one. And I think they are completely wrong. I think what they haven't
spent the time to do is to practice empathy. Which ironically is the first criteria
of being a good leader. Because you have to be good at empathy. So, when I get asked this question all the time it only makes sense that I should empathize and try to have an answers, right? So, here's what I tell everybody. I've broken it down into 4 observations. Parenting, Technology,
Impatience and Environment. Many of this young generation
—of this Millennial generation where subject to what has been described as a failed parenting strategy. Some of you, and many of your friends were raised being told that you were special. And you were told can have whatever you want just because you want it. Many schools gave participation ribbons. In other words, kids got medals
for coming in last. And the science on this is good. We know what it does. It devalues the feeling and the medal
for the person who actually works hard
to come in first. And it embarrasses the person
who comes in last because they know
they don't deserve it and it makes them feel worse. Some kids got into honors classes not because they deserved it but because their parent's complained. Some kids got As,
not because they earned them, but because the teachers didn't
want to deal with the parents. And then you graduate. And you get a job. And in an instant, your entire self-view is shattered. Because many kids find out
that they're not special. They find out, they can't have whatever they want just because they want it. There's nothing when you come in last. You get no medal for coming in last. And your parents cannot
help you get a promotion. And so what the result is is an entire generation where
there's a disproportionately high number of people growing up
with lower self-confidence than previous generations. Because this entire self-image
is completely shattered instantaneously and so much so that I actually hear stories of people's parents filling out
their job applications for them. And other things. Right? It's that bad, right? Then you combine it with the second observation which is technology. We know that when we engage with social media or our cellphones a chemical in our body
called Dopamine, is released. It's what makes us feel good. Dopamine is the same chemical that is released in our bodies when find
something we're looking for. Like your keys or when you go on Google. When you hit the goal or win the game. That "YES!" That sense of joy — that's Dopamine. Well, we know we get a hit of Dopamine when we engage with social media or when our phones go "Buzz", "Bing", "Flash" or "Beep". That's why, if you're feeling
a little bit down, you pull out your phone and you send 10 texts to 10 friends. You know, "Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi". [Laughter] And you hope that someone text you back because when they do it feels good, right? There are other things
that release Dopamine. Alcohol, Nicotine, gambling all release Dopamine. It's why they feel good
and almost all addictions are Dopamine based addictions. We also know, that almost all alcoholics discovered alcohol
when they were teenagers. You see, when we're very very young the only approval we need is the approval of our parents. Then, when we go through adolescence we make this transition where we now need the approval of our peers. Very frustrating for our parents. Very important for us. It allows us to acculturate outside our immediate families
into the broader tribe. It is a time of high stress
and high anxiety and we're supposed to learn
to rely on our friends. Some people, quite by accident discover alcohol and numbing effects of Dopamine. And unfortunately, that connection becomes hardwired. And then for the rest of their lives every time they face significant stress they don't turn to a person they turn to the bottle. Right? Now, as I said before we know that social media and cellphones release Dopamine. Now, we have age restrictions
on alcohol. We have age restrictions on tobacco and we have age restrictions
on gambling but we have no age restrictions
on social media and cellphones. It's as if an entire generation who're going
through adolescence their parents have
thrown open the liquor cabinet and said, "Try the vodka." "It'll help you get through
the teenage years." [Laughter] That's what social media and cellphones do. So, unfortunately,
for too many people that connection is becoming hardwired and as they grow up they face significant stress in their lives instead of learning to turn to a person, they turn to a device. Where we seek solice in social media Where we'll check an Instagram post. How many Likes we're getting. We'll check and check and check
and check and check. And sometimes our own self-worth comes from how many Followers we have. It can become devastating to us when somebody unfolllows us. Right? The only way that we we stand away from stress, when we face it. In other words, an entire generation is growing up having not practiced or learned coping mechanisms for stress. This is very very serious
for social animals that need each other. Where we haven't learned those skills. It's even worse because if you want to
go on a date you don't have to learn to be like, "Heeeyyyyy." [Laughter] You just swipe right. [Laughter] You just got a date. You can have 4 dates in an evening. Right? And if you like the person you don't have to learn to say "no" when you mean "yes". "Yes" when you mean "no". You just swipe left. It's done. in other words the social skills aren't developing and so there's an entire generation that's growing up with lower self confidence going into a workforce having their self-image shattered not knowing necessarily how to deal with all the stress that they're facing of growing up and starting a career and finding out where you fit and all of that good stuff and instead of turning to a person we're turning to devices and the results are starting to show up in the statistics we know that suicide is on the rise amongst this generation we know that accidental death due to overdoses is on the rise amongst this generation depression is on the rise amongst this generation universities are suffering an epidemic where they're dealing with disproportionately high numbers of students than they've ever dealt with ever before taking leaves of absence due to depression and then to compound the effect it's a generation that's grown up with filters Facebook and Instagram and we curate our own lives and present to the world how we want to be seen and we make ourselves look good we make the weather look better and the sunsets are always more bright in Instagram than they were in real life in other words we're good at presenting ourselves as we're not but how we want to be seen and so everybody thinks this generation is strong and confident and all the companies we go work for they think we have it all figured out and we certainly sound I say we I'd only dress like a 16 year old this generation presents itself as having all the answers and yet they don't and stress runs high and they don't know how to ask for help it gets worse then you add in the manner in which so many people grew up in this generation within sense of impatience now as I said before you're often accused of being entitled and it certainly seems that way but I think t's a miss reading of the tea leaves you've grown up in a world of instant gratification you want to buy something you go on Amazon it shows up the next day you want to watch a movie don't check movie times you just stream it whatever you want to watch it TV shows you don't wait week to week to you can binge watch the whole weekend and like I said even dating is just a swipe to the right right? everything is instant everything is instant gratification and the problem is too many people have applied that sense of instant gratification to their careers and to the lives and the problem is there ain't no app for that I've here from this generation that too many people struggle to form their words not mine struggle to form deep meaningful relationships many will admit that most of their friendships are superficial many will admit that their friends would cancel on them if something better came along many would admit that they don't have deep trusting loving relationships with their own friends that's because it's a journey I talked to so many smart fantastic ambitious idealistic hard-working kids and they're right out of college they're in their entry-level jobs and I'll ask them how is it going? and they'll say I think I'm gonna quit and I'm like, why? they say to me I'm not making an impact I'm like you know you've been here eight months right? they treat the sense of fulfillment or even love like it's a scavenger hunt like it's something you look for my millennial friends they've gone through so many jobs they're either getting fired I mean it was mutual or they're quitting because they're not making an impact or they're not find anything they're looking for they're not feeling fulfilled as if it's a scavenger hunt love a job you find joy from is not something you discover it's not like I found love here it is I found a job I love that's not how it works both of those things require hard work you are in love because you work very hard every single day of your life to stay in love you find a job that brings you ultimate joy because you work hard every single day to serve those around you and you maintain that joy it's not a discovery but the problem is the sense of impatience it's as if an entire generation is standing at the foot of a mountain they know exactly what they want they can see the summit what they can't see is the mountain this large a movable object that doesn't mean you have to do your time that's not what I'm talking about take a helicopter climb I don't care but there's still a mountain life career fulfillment relationships our journeys the problem is this entire generation has an institutionalized sense of impatience and do they have the patience to go on the journey to maintain love to feel fulfilled or do they just quit and on to the next dump and on to the next ghost and on to the next and by the way ghosting means the lack of skill to have a confrontation you date somebody for six months eight months and then just stop replying just delete them from everything now for the person who's doing the ghosting...oh that's certainly easier than a confrontation but the person on the receiving end of the ghosting it's like there's a death there's suddenly shun there's panic they call out their warring they call out their world they think it's you they think it's them do you have any idea the destruction that we reap on people by ghosting them and then because there's the lack of social skills to call out and ask for help they internalize and it makes them feel awful to the point at the worst they will kill themselves slightly one level down they'll get depressed but the lowest level that we can hope for is they will go through life and I'm not talking about ghosting I'm talking an entire generation that if we don't fix this we'll go through life where everything's just fine my friendships are fine my work is fine you know same old same old nothing's ever amazing and the scavenger hunt continues and then you go to the fourth observation the most egregious of all of them environment we're taking a generation that is lower self-esteem we're taking a generation that has a lack of coping mechanisms to deal with stress we're dealing with a generation that wants all those things fixed immediately and we're placing them into work environments that values money more than people do you know that most of the business philosophies most of the business theories that we embrace and see a standard today are not standard their theories left over from the 80s and 90s the concept of shareholders supremacy was a theory proposed in the late 1970s it was popularized in the 80s and 90s the concept of using mass layoffs to balance the books did not exist in the United States prior to the 1980s it did not exist it became popular in the 80s and 90s the 80s and 90s were boom years anyone could make money relative peace a kinder gentler cold War and so all of the business theories that were put forth were very very selfish and all about enriching ourselves and they worked for those times but these times are different these are not peaceful times these are not boom years this globalization on the internet which is now made everything vastly more complicated and those theories do not work anymore worse, they're having side effects it's really bad because what we do is we destroy corporate cultures the idea of using mass layoffs can you imagine sending someone home and saying I'm sorry I can no longer provide for our family because the company missed its arbitrary projections this year that's what we're doing that's like a coach prioritizing the needs of the fans over the needs of the players hoping to build a great team it doesn't work we dismantled things like the Glass-Steagall Act Glass-Steagall was passed after the Great Depression to prevent another Great Depression from happening it was dismantled in the 80s and the 90s in the name of profit ,ok? do you know how many stock market crashes we had between the great depression and the dismantling of Glass-Steagall the answer is zero and since they dismantled Glass-Steagall we had 87, the dot-com crash , 2008 we've had three stock market crashes because we've moved the safety mechanisms that prevent stock market crashes from happening all in the name of individual advancement and profit and these are the corporate cultures we've built corporate cultures that value numbers over people and they are not standard business practices they are new and they are broken and they dangerous and we're asking a young wonderful ambitious amazing generation that needs us to work in these environments whether we like it or not we have to take responsibility for that bad hand that you've been dealt it is up to the companies to create an environment in which you can build your self-confidence it is up to the companies to create an environment in which you can learn coping mechanisms and learn how to build strong close relationships with people with whom you work that you will eventually love and sacrifice to see that they gain it is in these environments that we will learn the patience and the hard work that it takes to find fulfillment in our lives to find a sense of purpose a sense of joy yes it's all fine and good that my generation and older generations say to you things like well you're the future leaders we're the leaders now we're the ones in control of the corporate environments now and we're making your lives worse I don't want you to jump from job to job to job to job you will never find what you're looking for it's not a scavenger hunt I don't want you to go from relationship to relationship what I want you to do is stand up and demand that the places in which you work lead you properly nobody wants to wake up in the morning and be managed we want to wake up in the morning and be led and we have a total leadership crisis in America politics is just the mirror reflection we get the politicians we deserve we're the divided ones we're the selfish ones we're the broken ones we're the ones who would sooner sacrifice somebody else so that we may gain its us and until we're willing to do the hard work of repairing the world around us our country our politics our businesses will not fix which leads me to my second point understanding the game we're playing this game called work or life or love whichever one you want or all of them in game theory there are two kinds of games there are finite games and there are infinite games a finite game is defined as known players, fixed rules and an agreed-upon objective baseball we all agree what the rules are and at the end of nine innings whoever has more runs we declare the winner and the game is over no one ever says wait wait wait if we can just play three more innings I know we can come back and win doesn't happen right? you have winners and you have losers right? then there's an infinite game an infinite game is defined as known and unknown players the rules are changeable and the objective is to keep the game and play to perpetuate the game when you pit a finite player versus a finite player the system is stable baseball is stable when you pit an infinite player versus an infinite player the system is also stable the Cold War was stable because there can be no winners and losers it doesn't exist that's it not a scenario we want and so you keep the game and play to keep it stable and in an infinite game because there are no winners or losers what happens is players drop out when they run out of the will or the resources to play and then they're replaced by other players the game perpetuates the players change out problems arise when you pit a finite player versus an infinite player because the finite player is playing to win and the infinite player is playing to stay in the game and the finite player will always get frustrated they will find themselves in quagmire this was the United States in Vietnam we were fighting to win they were fighting for their lives this was the Soviet Union in Afghanistan they were fighting to beat the Mujahideen the Mujahideen would fight for as long as was necessary now let's look at the game of business the game of business is by its very definition an infinite game it is pre-existed before every single company on this planet ever existed and it will outlast every single company on this planet But if you listen to the words of most companies they don't know the game they're in you listen to companies they want to be number one based on what metrics based on what time frames revenues market share square footage number of employees based on a quarter a year five years ten years 50 years I didn't agree to those standards you can't suddenly just arbitrarily say we're number one no one else agreed to the standards it's nonsense to beat our competition based on what and they study their competition trying to outdo their competition and yet I've never heard of a company that's taken down by competitors they know they're always taken down by the competitors they don't know do you think myspace knew that Facebook existed they were worried about Friendster you can't make strategic decisions from studying your competition you can make tactical decisions from studying your competition but not strategic decisions which when you listen to the way most companies play the game they're in the wrong game that's why they get frustrated the great organizations understand that they're playing to stay in the game Jim Senegal the founder of Costco says Wall Street's in the business of making the quarter of the year we're in the business of building company for the next 50 years the understanding of knowing what gain you're in radically changes the kinds of decisions you make in the way you see the world it is also tremendously confidence-building let me give you a strew story I spoke at a education and education that's funny I spoke at an education summit for Microsoft I also spoke at an education summit for Apple at the education summit for microsoft i would say that seventy percent of the executives spent about seventy percent of their presentations talking about how to beat apple at the apple education summit a hundred percent of the executives spent a hundred percent of their presentations talking about how to help teachers teach and how to help students learn one is playing this way and one is playing that way one is playing finite and the other one is playing infinite guess which one gets frustrated so at the end of my talk at Microsoft they gave me a gift they gave me the new zune when it was a thing and let me tell you this thing was spectacular it was the most elegant piece of technology I'd ever used the user interface was incredible the design was spectacular I absolutely loved it it was easy to use and it was bright and gorgeous it didn't work on iTunes which is a different problem so I couldn't use it but it was amazing and elegant my god it was elegant so I'm sitting in the back of the taxi with a very senior Apple executive sort of employee number 12 kind of guy and you know I like to stir pots so I turned him i said you know Microsoft gave me their new zune and it is so much better than your iPod touch and he turned to me and he said I have no doubt conversation over because the infinite player understands sometimes your head and sometimes you behind sometimes your product is better and sometimes it's worse the goal isn't to be the best every day the goal isn't out to do your competition every day that's a finite construction if I had said to Microsoft I've got the new iPod touch and it's so much better than your zune they would have said can we see it what does it do react react react react finite players play to be bet to beat the people around them infinite players play to be better than themselves to wake up every single day and say how can we make our company a better version of itself today than it was yesterday how can we create a product this week that's better than the product we created last week we also have to play the infinite game it's not about being ranked number one it's not about having more followers on Twitter than your friends it's not about outdoing anyone it's about how to outdo yourself it's not about selling more books or getting more Ted views than somebody else it's about how to make sure that the work that you're producing is better than you work you produced before you are your competition and that is what ensures you stay in the game the longest and that is what ensures you find joy because the joy comes not from comparison but from advancement the problem is we're human beings and we love to compare we love a ranking oh we love a ranking top 10 list top 100 that oh we love a ranking you know every industry has got its own rankings and we love to be on those rankings even though most of the rankings arbitrary you can pretty much foil most of them you buy your way onto most of them, right but I'm on the list right they did a study A who do all the studies they did a study where they asked people that if they wanted a free four hundred thousand dollar house on a block where all the other houses are a hundred thousand dollars or a free million-dollar house on a block where all the other houses are a 4 million dollars most people took the four hundred thousand dollar house we just love to be better than each other but that is a depressing way to live a life what I urge you to do if you are not a millennial is to have a little empathy for the Millennials around you they were dealt a bad hand and unfortunately we have to help them build their confidence find their patience and break the habit from their technology so that they can learn the social skills they need to leave happy joyful lives if you are a millennial it's not you and take care of the millennial friends that you have around you because they're not mad at you and they're not bad people they were dealt the same bad hand that you were dealt don't demand that they take care of you take care of them and that's part of the problem there's an entire section in the book shop called self-help and there's no section in the book shop called help others and the way that we fix the problems in the world is not by trying to demand that help people help us how can I lose 10 pounds how can I find love how can I find the job of my dreams that's what all the books say no ...it should be how can I help my friend live a healthy lifestyle how can I help my friend find a lifetime of fulfillment that's what it's about it's about service to others because that's what it means to be human everything about our make up our biology and our anthropology is designed to get us to look after each other everything about our makeup is designed to get us to take care of each other that's why an event like this feels better than watching it online because we get to sit next to each other we get to sit with each other it's nicer for me too it's much nicer for me to be here with you because we're social but we all have a responsibility in this tribe if you want to have a happy successful fulfilling confident life you have to commit yourself to take care of the people around you that's just how it works good
