Narcissists Who Are Also Psychopaths: The Dark Triad

[Music] there's an especially difficult form of narcissism that you may encounter and that's the the narcissist who is also a psychopath i'm going to tell you straight up front i don't work with psychopaths because they're impossible now i will work with people who have lived with narcissists or the psychopath and who have to engage with them and try and they're trying to figure out how to disengage narcissists of course are very into themselves but when we talk about a narcissist who's also a psychopath we're talking about a very very troubled soul and they are far down on the malignant end of the spectrum and and i want to talk about the psychopath in the context of what we refer to as the dark triad when we talk about the dark triad there are three different elements that go into the makeup of this individual and that is they do have narcissism they have what's referred to as mochibellianism and then they have the psychopathy that's there so i want to just kind of touch base on those three and then i want to focus especially on the psychopath now of course when we talk about narcissists we talk about people who are very entitled they're highly they have a strong need to be superior they have a very low regard for other individuals feelings many of you know people who who have those kind of characteristics and they can be quite common but then when we add to it as part of that dark triad machiavellianism by the way back in the 14th 1500s machiavelli was a a diplomat in in his place and he was known for using any form that he could of guile or cunning or deviousness or deception or treachery to establish and maintain power and in the machiavellian way of thinking the the ends justifies the means and so if you have to lie and cheat and cajole and and do all sorts of things to make people do your bidding they're quite willing to do so because it's all about finding power grabbing it and and holding on to it for whatever it's worth and so they and they also have a strong ability to rationalize why they have to do that because uh you know dishonesty is something that they don't really care anything about you remember that movie scene where jack nicholson was on the witness stand and he was saying you can't handle the truth the machiavellian kind of person is like you know what i i just need to do whatever i have to do because you can't handle the truth anyway but i i know where i'm going and they're extremely devious in the way that they engage with people honesty is uh you know expedient and then we have the psychopath that's the third leg of that triad and when we talk about the the psychopath often we use the term anti-social disorder or personality disorder these are individuals who chronically push against societal norms and legalities mean nothing to them morality means nothing to them right and wrong is something that they just don't consult they just do whatever almost in an animalistic kind of way whatever they their goal prompts them to do they when i say they have no empathy i mean zero zilch nada they have no sense of remorse if you're in a conflict or a dispute with them they can they can be extremely difficult to the point of impossible to engage with often the psychopaths have a history going back into their childhood and adolescent years of oppositional defiant disorder things of that nature and that it's a tends to be a very deeply held kind of pattern they have no particular conscience lying deception cheating criminal behavior all of that is something that's quite uncommon for them uh they're abusive mean and cruel and then the the to me anyway the single most distinguishing feature of a psychopath is they have their their impervious to the pain that they generate and perpetuate in other individuals in other words these are very very difficult people to engage with and many times throughout my practice i've uh and more often than not they're male sometimes you have females that are that but more commonly they're male but i've talked to people who have attached themselves to these individuals and now they're trying to get away from them and they can be incredibly difficult sometimes psychopaths can actually see their pathology and it's almost as though they they say yeah that's the way i am i'm i'm mean i'm tough and rules don't really matter to me but that's why that's why i'm the successful person that i am or that's why you need to uh to bow to me because no one messes with me and they can actually embrace it kind of as a badge of honor and it's almost as though they can be proud of being that way their low level of conscience allows them to just embrace meanness as a way of life now i'm going to go through a whole list here of things that i've jotted down that can let you know if you might be dealing with somebody who represents all three of these elements narcissism michaelianism and psychopathy and see if this is something that might describe some of the individuals that you are engaged with and then we're going to talk about what you might be able to do with them these individuals first they can be very bold in forcing dominance and they'll leave no room for you to imagine who's going to be the dominant person they must be the top dog in whatever group they're with and they don't they don't make any kind of hesitation about that no apologies for being that way also condescension is the only way that they think they they are so disdainful toward other individuals and they must be in the superior position in addition they are easily bored uh they're constantly looking for that next stimulation and typically uh they can be drawn towards themes and entertainment themes of meanness and they're they're thrill seekers and that they're always looking for something that's going to stimulate that that that dark and angry side of who they are they might be able to blend well with other individuals for a short period of time but even then it's uh it's illustrated as being nothing but a an inside means to finally figure out how to exploit other individuals but haughtiness is constantly right there underneath the surface when they engage with people another element meanness is simply part of who they are to the point of them being highly calloused or deeply and when i say deeply i mean deeply controlling toward other individuals another ingredient is they absolutely will not take responsibility for any kind of problems that they are involved in they use heavy uh communications of shame and blame and if you're on the bad side of them and you're trying to get away they can also be a people that will stalk you or they can text bomb or they can go into legal abuse toward you uh when when people try to divorce from these individuals they can just make it miserable inside the court system or if you've done business with them or if there are some other ways that they can legally abuse you they're more than willing to do that and they can find lawyers that can help them in that regard it's an awful kind of situation psychopaths when you attempt to plead your case with them they that's just fuel to their soul uh as you try to to plead your case it's like now that i know you're showing you're vulnerable i will crush you that's how they think rules norms regulations mean nothing to them they're pervasively arrogant they could not care less about any kind of impact that they leave on other individuals they don't think like normal people dominance is the only way that they relate and i say that that's an understatement because they must be in the dominant position they're prone towards emotional abuse verbal abuse vicious attacks on your character uh if you have wronged them they will seek vengeance against you that's the way they think uh any tender emotion that they might experience is going to be very faint at best and it's going to be very shallow for example if you think well that person showed a little bit of love or maybe i detected a little bit of guilt there it's going to be very short-lived because they don't experience tender emotions and they don't listen to what those emotions might say and uh if you express tenderness or if you show yourself to be soft then they'll come in and think good uh that means that uh i can crush you because gentle people uh they're just nothing but a bunch of wimps now that's a whole lot that i'm saying about the the person that's uh that's in this psychopathic tendency with the machiavellianism and the narcissism these individuals are impossible to deal with and when i say i don't counsel with them it's like well first of all hardly any of them are going to show up in here and if they do it's only going to be short-lived and if they do this it's their way of trying to figure me out so that they can uh try to dominate me and then find out whatever flaws i have and discount everything i mean they're impossible so let's think about some ways that you can respond and none of it's all that great first when you're dealing with a psychopath reveal as little about yourself as you can get away with second don't let them know how intimidated you are because they love that but you just kind of want to try to have as much of a neutral kind of a mindset as you can third refuse to argue with them because when you do plead your case they're just going to come at you with that vengeance they will try to crush you as i said a few minutes ago fourth do make sure that you are balanced enough to have some healthy individuals in your life so that you don't allow that psychopath to completely dominate you because they do want to just kind of come in and just completely take over your life and so make sure you have healthy people and then fifth as you do have healthy individuals make sure that you keep them informed of what you're dealing with so that you will have some allies and then uh sixth and finally get out as quickly as you can and it may be that you'll have to use legal means to get away from them but uh or establish consequences through the court systems these are bad people and these are individuals that all the norms of trying to do conflict resolution simply aren't going to work it's really sad when i have to talk about things of this nature because a guy like me i want to say you know there's some there's there can be some redeemable value in other in just about every person but these people are completely broken souls all the way down to the core of their character they've just hardly got anything good that they can draw upon so if you are dealing with somebody that has that dark triad of narcissism machiavellianism and psychopathy or psychopathy then stay away and uh and take care of yourself practice self-care this is one of these topics that i am reluctant to talk about heavily because it's just so dismal to think about it but if you're in a situation where this is uh what you're dealing with i'm hoping that you will in fact let other individuals know what your situation is so that that psychopath doesn't completely destroy you all right well that's kind of a tough one for us to get into now if you've not already hit that subscribe button that's below i would encourage you to do so because we do have other kind of videos that we can get into and talk about how you can practice that self-care uh and we also have an email list i would encourage you to uh to sign up for so that you can be apprised of things that we have going on in in a case like this it's usually pretty good to have somebody that you can look to for counseling so if you do have someone in your area i would encourage you to seek that person out and if you don't have somebody in your area we've vetted a group that's become our sponsor who can help you with online counseling and there's a link below that that you can be assisted in that regard in addition we do have my free to be course workshop and i would encourage you to look into that you can find that to be something that would help you trying to determine what to do with the controllers in your life and also we have our websites survivingnarcissism.tv and drlescarter.com in addition to books etc down there you know there are some people who are just so broken that the only thing you can do is to say uh i've got to find you in my rear view mirror but in the meantime i want you to have enough self-respect and i want you to have enough of your own sense of dignity and initiative that you will seek ways to find your own place of goodness i want you to be a person who can find steadiness and peace and i want you to be around people that know the reasonableness of living with mutual respect

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 137,404

Rating: 4.9613547 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: lEpR0bBf_Hk

Length: 14min 14sec (854 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 21 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Prestigious-Drawing4]

I like to think of them as just bullies. Remember to be polite and not lose your moral character. Just dont stoop to their level. It really helps out.