Narcissists and karma

hi everyone it's dr romini and welcome back to this youtube channel on all things related to narcissism and toxic relationships and narcissistic relationships and you name it i'm hoping to give you information to help illuminate your path forward so you don't fall into the usual pitfalls that these relationships bring today we're going to take on a biggie let's talk about narcissists and karma yeah before we get there if you do end up liking this video please give me that thumbs up means a lot to me good karma for me i guess and if you could hit that subscribe button please join this community and hit that bell if you want notifications and even before we get started i want you to also answer that question has the narcissist who is close to you the narcissist that hurts you did they get their karma let us know because i think it's great to share war stories but let's talk star do narcissists ever and or do narcissists always get karma no no they don't so i gotta say listen the western world has sort of co-opted the concept of karma into sort of metaphysical payback it's a little bit more subtle than that and you got to be able to talk about and think about other things like past lives and a person's current behavior but in short what is karma karma classically defined is is that it's not just your actual behavior that has consequences but even your intentions have consequences so all of your behaviors and actions are supposed to be undertaken with good intent so simply put if we show and we intend good things we'll receive good things and vice versa if we show and we intend bad things will receive bad things the downside of all of this is that these deeds and intentions those so-called karmic consequences sorry gang they may not be seen until the next life now carl jung sort of brought this into the into modern psychological thought when he said he quote i'm quoting him he said when an inner situation is not made conscious it appears outside is fate okay so we can take a more simple look at karma for purposes of what we're talking about here good things come from good behaviors bad things come from bad behaviors and intentions so the big question then becomes what about narcissists and carmen theory their lives should always be falling apart right so many people approach me and say please dr romney please tell me that my narcissist is gonna get what is due to them please let me know they're going to hurt as badly as i do please tell me there's karma i can't make that promise and it's actually really not fully how karma works per se for most of us just to settle that uncomfortable sense of injustice that is a narcissistic relationship to know that after hurting other people throwing their arrogance out there jumping to the head of the line berating and invalidating and cheating and lying that they would somehow get theirs one day sometimes they do sometimes sometimes they burn enough bridges break enough rules and they're so enabled that they just keep taking bigger and bigger and bigger risks that someday they get caught and there is that satisfying moment when yeah they may get fired or arrested or the new replacement girlfriend or boyfriend kicks them out it sometimes happens and you sometimes get to hear about it but just as often i hate to tell you this they get away with it so many narcissists are surrounded by enough enablers enough good luck enough privilege enough money to get away with it many people who are healing from narcissistic abuse will say to me you know what i could pull through this if i just knew that that narcissist was going to get theirs my guidance to them is that we're gonna have to help you pull through this narcissistic abuse even if your narcissist doesn't get their karma otherwise you're gonna almost mentally stay stuck in this relationship with the narcissist waiting for their downfall before you finally begin your healing and in that way not only do you waste time but they still have power over you the probability that things will blow up for the narcissist in a bad way i gotta tell you it is higher than for the average bear they do enough bad things to enough people whether that's cutting off enough people in traffic telling enough lies over enough people cheating enough times and insulting enough people lying enough that it is reasonable to assume that these things some of them will come back to bite them and they often do and listen i do often get called out in professional groups as being a bit severe in my willingness and my guidance on telling people to step away from red flags i often watch colleagues administrators regulators clients consumers i've seen them all you name it keep cutting a person's second chances keep cutting the abuser's second chances and enabling they do the usual bs they didn't mean it maybe there's another way to view this or oh hahaha oh romini you and your narcissism stuff you're just such a cynic and then you just sit and watch that narcissist continue to steamroll through people's lives and projects and work and then one day it catches up to them when you're lucky and everyone's clutching their pearls and getting wide-eyed and says i didn't see this coming to which i say seriously damn i've got a book you need to read at those times i gotta be honest with you it's a little bit shot in freuda but i'll own it my temptation is just grab some popcorn and watch the whole mess go down don't ever say though i told you so it's never a good luck it's never a good look to look smug well you get a little free pass on one little smug smile it unfolds but don't be too smug so when it does happen that the narcissist does get nailed with some karmic retribution consider it your somewhat lucky day what often does happen is that over time narcissists can get some really icky reputations and people may start to avoid them but what also happens is that karmic payback for a narcissist takes time in an ideal universe your contemptuous narcissist cheats on you and discards you and then a month later their new partner cheats on them it's all over social media and wouldn't that be nice or the story with the narcissistic buffoon who stole your idea gets sued by their next collaborator and has to pay out a huge lawsuit within six months of damaging you wouldn't that be nice that's how it works karma is a slow roasted dish it can take years and years to finally reveal itself and as hindus and buddhists who know they're the masters of karma this karma may not even play out until the next life but in many cases by the time karmic payback happens we may no longer care we have may have moved forward into our own futures where we just don't care about the narcissist anymore and that means you've achieved the top of the mountain in terms of coping with a narcissist which is utter indifference you may not even care that the narcissist got taken down you may even shrug you may even feel like a settling inside of yourself feeling like okay that's nice a little bit of justice got delivered but i was already living my own life but and this is the hard news to deliver the harder news sometimes narcissists never get that karma sometimes they marry the person they cheated with and they create a new family and they keep making money and they make lots of money and they look happy on social media and they become really successful and they become really famous and they win the lottery no one ever said life is fair yeah good things happen to horrible people and terrible things happen to angels it's the nature of the world again in the macro at the highest level i am willing to take the bet that karma will more often than not stick it to the narcissist and it's for two reasons number one they burn so many bridges if you screw over enough people it's a numbers game it's bound to catch up to you if you're nasty to enough people it's bound to catch up to you this is all about probability anger enough people it's like if you throw enough darts at the dartboard you're ultimately going to hit the bullseye anger enough people it's going to come back to bite you and number two narcissists are never fully happy ever i have worked with narcissistic billionaires not happy i've worked with narcissists who had beautiful healthy happy children and a beautiful place to live and a job they weren't happy i have worked with narcissists who have endless opportunity in front of them they weren't happy nothing is ever enough for the narcissist it's like they have a table and of food in front of them at all times and yet they're always hungry nothing is ever enough for them so they're sort of doomed if you look at it this way it's it's tragic their karma is such that they always feel like victims they always feel that someone has it better they always feel that what they have is not enough they always feel that they want something more something different something better and they always feel that life is terribly unfair to them and frankly to me all of that that's terrible karma the beautiful things in front of them including you are never enough imagine imagine living like that to me it sounds like hell and that is where they are doomed to live so even though their instagram may suggest otherwise they are so good at broadcasting a life that looks good to the world but inside themselves it's never enough so to me their karma is always bad because nothing in life is ever enough for them they're always longing always yearning so while it may look to you that they won they walked out of the relationship or they took what they wanted and they got what they wanted they actually don't experience it that way the trick of all of this is to not let their karma destroy yours so even if it looks like they won that they got it all the only thing that matters is how we interpret it isn't it the rainy day picnic may still be a feast for the senses the lower paying job may be with amazing colleagues the narcissist moving on quickly into a new relationship while you are still alone actually becomes good time for you a rich opportunity for you to work on your own psychological growth and live life on your own terms for a while rather than throwing yourself into another relationship so quickly ultimately and listen i was raised hindu so i know my way around this whole karma thing karma isn't just about behavior not just about intention it's about perception when i look at the narcissist i've let go of in my own life and the ones i've walked away from in my own life professional and personal many of them have gone on to tremendous success they've made lots of money they're way more successful than i am and they've gone on to new beautiful relationships to them at least but i learned something from the suffering in those relationships and frankly i have a lot of joy in my life my joy isn't disrupted by seeing them get what they wanted even though it seems that they wouldn't deserve it after the terrible things they did my joy comes from the joys in my life their rottenness doesn't cast a shadow there is no giant abacus no giant quick books in the sky that keeps track of who deserves what in this world the narcissist karma is this they are stuck being them forever i wouldn't that's a bad karma as far as i'm concerned that's really permanently bad karma and you know what i wish them well in the next life because if there's anything we know about karma if it doesn't get you on this round in theory it'll get you on your next ride on this roller coaster called life and going back to that point on intentions i don't want to lose that one you can build that in as an intervention in your life it's not just the things we do but it's the intention we bring to them and i want to share a really lovely parable i once read i think it was like in a children's book but it had like buddhist fables in it and i use it a lot with my clients there's sort of this idea that comes out in buddhism less so in hinduism but it's very much an eastern religion that all of us may have been put on this world in this universe in this particular go around of life to do just one thing and that one thing is our divine everything else we do is like it's filler but we are put on this earth to do one divine duty one divine as though in that moment it's the most important thing we do in our whole lives here's the problem or maybe it's not a problem the gift we don't know what that one thing is so the belief then becomes that you have to approach everything you do with a divine intention so in the myth i read there's two monks and one is older and one is younger and the older monks must have the wisdom and he's watching the younger monk take a vase of flowers and move it from one table to another and in so doing he's not very careful with it and the water sort of spills out of the vase and and leaves water and the older monk says to him what are you doing and the mom's like well you told me to move the flowers i moved the flowers and the older monk said what if that was your one divine duty to move that vase from point a to point b the way you did it is that really how you want your one divine moment on this in in this world to have been the idea being of holding that vase celebrating that vase and carefully and almost spiritually and transcendently walking that vase over to the other spot and gently laying it down mindful and aware the whole time imagine if you took that intention into everything you did many times a narcissistic relationship distracts us from the divinity we can bring in our day-to-day lives you want karma start bringing that good intended mindfulness into everything you do don't let the narcissist rob you of it and since they tend to bring pretty shady intentions into what they do like i said if it doesn't happen on this go around trust me the karmic abacus in the sky will catch up with them it just may not be on your watch thanks again for tuning in yeah i mean i know the news on karma's sort of a mixed bag but ultimately the best karma you can have is you do you and you find the joys in your life thanks again for tuning in again share those stories of karma did your narcissist get their karma drop it in here i think it'd be make us all feel good to hear your stories because yeah it's always good to have just that moment to see someone who kind of should have gotten that little universal slap across that face thanks again and i look forward to seeing you next time

Channel: DoctorRamani

Views: 567,330

Keywords: yt:cc=on

Id: Eu6dh-sMn44

Length: 17min 16sec (1036 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 20 2020