My friend kept throwing his pet bug on me, so I deleted it - (r/AITA)

am I the a-hole miv a hole for killing my friends bug and refusing to pay her back my 19 M friend 21 F has these exotic bugs that she keeps in these containers she is infatuated with them and looks at them like their cute critters while I look at them as disgusting little monsters not trying to offend bug lovers just a personal opinion today she for some reason decided she would randomly start putting the bugs on me for a joke the first time she did it I got startled but then chuckled and said please don't do that later on she put some sort of millipede on my neck and I slapped it and squeezed it in my hand out of shock she screamed and I threw it on the ground I did feel really bad at first but then I got really angry and blamed it on her for putting it on me in the first place I cleaned myself up all the while arguing with her I asked her why she would even do that in the first place and her point was because I laughed the first time she is telling me I have to pay her back for the millipede it's not even expensive at all actually just a couple of bucks but what did she expect am IV a hole to be fair to her I could have just told her to stop immediately because it wasn't funny but I didn't want to make her uncomfortable edit she texted me asking me to pay for shipping - which is now more than I am actually willing to pay for a bug NTA your friend is an a-hole she put her pets in danger and she didn't respect your boundaries yep I would be livid if you killed my beloved pet but I would also have never put my pet in that situation to begin with n ta n ta you asked her not put bugs on you she knows that you don't like it but he did it anyway I would have reacted the same way she's the a-hole not to mention she put her pets in danger for the sole purpose of seriously bothering someone who is her friend that's really shitty yen ta she sounds childish and is probably trying to force up to like them like she does it's sad that the bug died but it was probably a lesson she needed to learn you could give her a couple bucks if you wanted to quickly repair your friendship and sit her down talk to her about consent but only give her the money after she acknowledges she violated your boundary isn't consent which she absolutely needs to do first she's old enough to know better I like dogs but I'm really against them jumping on me stretching me ever since I was a kid I had a fear of big dogs because of getting pushed down scratched slaughtered all over many ppl don't train them or stop them especially when guests come over and then get pissed when I kick at them not hard a way to defend myself which I had to start doing as a kid to keep myself from getting hurt NTA easy she's putting her supposedly beloved pets in danger and tbh whenever I see a spider or something on my arm or leg or whatever my immediate reaction is to smack it down I don't like killing things but it's instinctive it had be like me punching you in the face then blaming you for breaking my wrist yet I hate bugs but I don't ever intentionally try to kill them unless it's an invasive species or if it's by accident NTA but this is an opportunity to decide how you want to handle the errors of friends if this is normally a good friend who made one obvious error in judgment then it's not a bad idea to offer to split a cost of a new bug if she regularly violates your boundaries that's another issue she has stuck bugs in my face before it's always been her slowly testing the waters to see how far she can push my fear of bugs to the edge bummer hope she grows up that's not how real friends should behave NTA I had a tarantula as a kid Missy I owned her for 16 years my dad was terrified of her and I did find it amusing to tease him about that but I would never have put Missy on him because I knew he would hurt her and that would have devastated me she got her pet killed she's the a-hole this makes me sad yes a snake fan I have similar stories raising snakes my mom hated them but I would never toss them on her for fear of what she'd do people with phobias react irrationally sometimes why risk your pet for a giggle NTA I'm assuming she knows you're afraid of bugs or at least hate them and the fact that she'd do it after you asked her not to his messed up sure it sucks that you killed her millipede but it's not really your fault NTA don't pay for her bug it's her fault that it's dead I don't know why the phrase don't pay for her bug made me laugh you're right though she endangered it just to be a dong and dog shouldn't pay I was really expecting you to beat a but nope you laughed because it was an uncomfortable situation and sometimes humans do that to soften what they say you also clearly asked her to not do it again and what you did is a pretty natural reaction to feeling a bug on you you shouldn't have to get dead serious and harsh to have someone respect you telling them not to put bugs on you laughing is just a signal of no hard feelings I still like you I'm not mad just don't do it again she put her bug in danger by putting it on your neck after you told her not to if you'd done it on purpose with malicious intent with the full knowledge it was her pet then I'd say you were a little bit eh but honestly mostly to the bug at worse it would have been a sh but it seemed like it was just a natural reaction to feeling a bug on you when you have a strong dislike fear of bugs n ta n ta whether you are okay with it or not placing a bug on someone without their knowledge runs a natural risk of their instinctive response being to slap it or similar resulting in loss injury or death of the insect this is a result of her behaving in a negligent and irresponsible manner with her bugs it's not your problem n ta although it's a sad situation she's clearly not a great bug owner if she's using her pets to prank friends and putting them in danger in the process I probably would just pay for it to keep the peace but she knew you didn't like bugs right that's on her for putting one on your neck am i V a whole from not wanting my kids every weekend my ex-husband and I share custody of our 10 year old daughter and 12 year old son we have a two to three schedule which usually looks like I have the kids Friday after school and then he gets them Monday after school I get them back Wednesday after school and then he gets them Friday after school and then the week flip-flops we've done this since our divorce five years ago and it works well I'm a nurse in the or so I schedule my shifts for the days during the week when they are with their dad and my one call weekend every six weeks as a weekend they are with their dad recently the kids said they want to try splitting up on the weekends so instead of both of them being with one us during the weekend one will go with dad and one will be with me my son said he would make sure he was with me on call weekends because he can stay by himself if I have to get called in or can hang out at the hospital until I'm done my ex is on board with us because he says it will allow us to spend one-on-one time with the kids and will allow the kids a break from each other they squabble occasionally and annoy one another while they have a point sometimes it is hard to not feel like you are disappointing one by trying to accommodate the other I do not want to give up my free weekends it took me a few months to get used to not having my kids all the time after the divorce but now my weekends without them are filled with activities or travel my ex agreed if there was a weekend trip I wanted to take he would be fine having both the kids that weekend but I honestly don't want to have to take his schedule into consideration when planning my trips and sometimes they are spontaneous trips I was talking to my family about this at breakfast this morning and they are all kind of appalled by me not wanting to do this my sister pointed out that if I was still married then I wouldn't have all the child free time I have now and many mothers don't get a break from their kids like I do my mom said she can't believe I deny my children quality time with their parents for selfish reasons like not wanting to give up my weekends my sill seemed to understand where I was coming from but said that she would still do it and just incorporate the child into whatever I was doing and pointed out my daughter would love to go on the NYC shopping trip I had planned for December and my son would happily join me for my Saturday morning's spin classes I considered that but my SIL loves taking her kids everywhere so I don't know that she is aware of how nice it is to just be an adult without the responsibility of a child wherever you go they were really making me feel like an a-hole though am I the a-hole it I know it feels great to have your time alone but you decided to have your kids and they need to feel loved by you it is sad that you'd prefer to do things on your own and not have obligations not good lie it would make me really sad if my mom told me this you just have to make do with the time that you do haven't take into consideration your ex's schedule when planning stuff edit thank you for the platinum gold and silver kind strangers I agree with you and just want to add this you will regret passing up this time my kids are older now 23 1950 everyone tells you when they're little and you in the thick of things the years fly by and I know it doesn't feel like it day-to-day but they do fly by in my case some days I wish I could magically go back and have just one hour with each of them as a toddler I miss those little people your kids are only kids once you have the rest of your life to be an adult with adults children who are all off doing their own things edit thank you for the silver now go hug your little ones hitter you are their mum you made the choice to have em whether or not you are separated from their dad you still have the responsibility of being a parent you can't pick or choose when you want to be a parent you don't stop being a parent on days that you're not on visitation that's an absurd notion and even families that aren't split up my divorce will eventually have times where mom or dad do things by themselves it's ridiculous to think that someone wanting to maintain a rather small amount of Emmy time would be an a-hole for it when you decided to have kids you agreed to put them before yourself for at least the next 20 years or so in the meantime you got a few years with free weekends which I'm sure was nice once you got used to it lucky you so be grateful that you had that and then be grateful that your kids still want to see you every weekend listen to your ex-husband your mom your sister and your SIL there all right it er I love my kids and I love my partner and my favorite thing in the whole world is spending time with just one of them anyone doesn't matter which and you get to do that for a whole weekend it's a real shame you don't realize how lucky you are get us right and you will become so unbelievably close to them miss out on it and I don't doubt you will regret it one day it's a your kids clearly feel they're having too much moving and change they clearly want to spend more quality time with you and your son has even considered your rotor it seems more like as if the kids just want to be away from each other for a while Opie says they squabble a lot and they are only 10 and 12 that kind of thing is common for kids at that age Opie can always just say no that's not reasonable but time-to-time she can't take a kid solo for some weekend if the kids wanted I am 90% sure the kids will change their minds in a month or two after the new patrin is implemented anyway so Opie can also just follow what the kids are asking for a few months after which they can just revert back to the normal routine no way holes here mo I'm sorry otter I get it I've got kids and free time without them is awesome but you don't get to prioritize your free time over theirs when your kids are 15 plus you'll have all the free time you want they won't want to hang out with you they can be left home alone etc but now when they're still young but old enough to be social with you you should be including them and enjoying or at least trying to enjoy the time you have with them if you think they can't tell what a burden they are to you you're mistaken please show your children with your actions that they are the most important people in the world to you it's a you literally know why this would be good for them they want this change and you don't care because mush rips selfish no way holes here for wanting to keep the schedule as is but you would beat a few refused to make some revisions to give the kids one one time with each parent or compromise at all because putting your desires ahead of everyone else's would be selfishness like why not suggest that the kids do two weekends apart and then two weekends together MD DM mm DB then you would still have one free weekend and they would get the time they need find the New Balance I'm glad someone else suggested this living in a one parent household is hard it's not comparable to being a parent in a two-parent household and I am one a degree of self-sacrifice is necessary but being a good mom does not mean giving up entirely on yourself at the expense of others although lots of people will tell you that it does find a compromise that is somewhere between losing all your weekends and accommodating your kids desire for time apart alone time with each of you edited to change single parent to living in a one parent household I wasn't suggesting she was single parenting without help the whole basis of her story involves cooperating but today I learned independent copper ins should not be called single parents outside of using the wrong language I stand by my opinion am I the a-hole from not wanting to replace my backpack that has a swastika drawn on it I'm a pretty broke University student I was in class about a week ago and had to pee I left my backpack in class my friends being absolute comedic geniuses decided that it would be hilarious to Sharpie a swastika onto my backpack and not tell me now I don't Yenter look at the front of my backpack very often I didn't notice there was a swastika drawn onto it for a few days until the lady freaks out at me my solution has been to Sharpie over it but you can still see it if you look really closely my girlfriend is saying a me being insensitive by still using that back panic but honestly backpacks are expensive and you can't even notice it unless you're looking for it edit thanks for all the ideas something like a patch would never have crossed my mind I'll probably just duct-tape it because I'm lazy but you all are some smart people am i Viejo for basically snapping at a stranger who spoke to me in Mandarin because of my appearance I'm a 25 M chinese-american I have familial roots in HK thus our location but grew up in the u.s. also of note is that I recently finished a master's degree in Germany speak adequate German and I'm back in my u.s. hometown for two weeks so I'm in line of Starbucks when a white guy gets in line behind me gets my attention and asks me something in Mandarin with a smile which I don't understand when I stare at him blankly he repeats himself then asks me in English if I spoke Mandarin it felt like a bad pickup attempt besides being morning grumpy I've heard stories from female friends of mine of getting approached with Niihau konnichiwa just because they were Asian the majority of which were crude pickup lines and personally I take poorly to the assumption of someone's ethnicity and culture when in the US English should be the only one assumed mo so in that moment I not so politely responded in German ich spreche kein chinnis ish spritzed deloitte de deux we saw ceased I don't speak Chinese do you speak German because you look white I'm assuming he didn't understand any of that but he must have sorry and I turned back around and ordered my drink in English I didn't think much of it until now and while all I did was mirror his own actions assume his mother tongue I'm wondering if this was crossing the line thoughts NTA I wish I came up with comebacks like that I don't want to appear like I am bragging but I have comebacks like this at least once a week okay most of the time it's several hours later in the shower but that still counts right n ta bTW edit thanks for my first read of silver : same that guy is gonna feel like an idiot once my mental projections reach him that mother duck er will probably steer the conversation in the totally wrong direction no regards for me festering for days over how our next encounter should play out Flo you made it to the end you're ducking beasts I'll cut you a deal smash like and subscribe for more curated content might it's free and that's a great price

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Id: 6B02ZxTJxFs

Length: 17min 17sec (1037 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 17 2019