My Aggressive Toddler | Born Naughty?

meet the kids who won't eat won't sleep won't behave and the parents who take the round we've been slated left right and centre people say that boy needs a good smack even granny thinks mom just needs to get a grip she's a little bit lazy well she is lazy mom and dad are desperate for a label like ADHD or autism to explain their child's behavior I think Billy's autistic I suspect maybe ADHD if it's not autism what is this but could tough love be the solution is this just a naughty boy it can take years for parents to get a definitive answer this is what I'm up against so you know I'm just getting nowhere so family GP doctor dawn Harper and pediatrician dr. Ravi jerem are tackling this controversy head-on fast-tracking the process to see if medical help is needed do you think they're ready for this diagnosis or if the kids are just out of control [Music] - desperate mums have contacted GP dr. Dylan and pediatrician dr. Ravi because they're frustrated that no one is taking their worries about their sons bad behavior seriously in six weeks the doctors will give them a definitive answer but will you be the one they want do their children need a label or just some tough love first three year old Billy in the scenic foothills of mom Asha single mum Robin and three year old Billy appear to lead an idyllic life [Music] Robin believes there's something seriously wrong with Billy they don't realize that yeah there is there's a pretty Jews like there that they can't say and oh there could be something wrong with this child and the problems most noticeable first thing in the morning he's thrown is quad bike at mini you split my lip open right so this is Billy he's three and a half he lives with his mom she's young she's 21 that in Wales dad's not around Darren her siblings name and can become quite aggressive he doesn't sleep particularly well bed please come on I do Billy come on now please put the book back please and get into bed when Robin finally gets her little monster into bed she has to read to him for three hours before he finally falls asleep Billy will finally give it about 11 12 o'clock but he will just keep getting it God knows how many times in the night the next morning Billy's tired and grouchy and doesn't want to go to nursery no to my mind I'm watching that and I'm thinking actually this little boy he's just three and he's he's really quite in control of the way that house works and it looks like mom's main concern is that Billy has very rigid patterns of play mum is concerned that all of this might point to him being on the autistic spectrum autism is a communication disorder which affects how the mind is wired one of his better known traits is a compulsion to put things in a rigid order or sequence like the bricks their back garden why must all the bricks be in a line like that why is it important the line in things the anger with Billy growing up fast Robins very keen for him to get in autism diagnosis the reason I want the diagnosis is because he starts school next year and I don't want him going in and being seen as the naughty child she's not afraid of her son having the label because her own brother Aaron as the condition [Music] Robin's brother Aaron has autism and I've noticed an awful lot of similarities between Billy and I are Aaron he's very hyperactive like Billy Aaron doesn't know his sleep at night they are two peas in a pod and Billy's uncle Aaron likes putting things in sequence to obsessing about his favorite objects motor cars I love minis I do and they're made by BMW you can have him in petrol diesel the doors open like that he's got a digital radio I almost talked non-stop you have all different kinds of wheels they got a chrome exhaust he doesn't stop talking can you order it you can have a scratch on that you have it on all different kinds of covers mummys convinced Billy shares this autistic traitor I believe obsessed with the television cartoons constantly have to be on when he gets up in the morning till he goes to bed at night mum clearly has a lot of awareness of autism because her brother's autistic whatever we find with Billy lovely looking little kid um you know mom needs some help the doctor's second call for help is from Cumbria where another single mom has been struggling with her out-of-control son for four years okay this is Charlie he's eight he lives with mom and Cumbria mom's put together a nearly 30 page summary of all the worries she's got about she'll ever look at him Charlie doesn't go to school he was kicked out when he picked on someone bigger than him I threw a snowball at my Headmaster's face trust the classroom because you get me so angry your average eight-year-old does not challenge the headmaster skills no you might think about it but you wouldn't dare no not it's a line you don't cross charlie is a home tutor that spends most of his time playing computer games but as one thinks his reaction when things don't go his way isn't typical I sometimes describing this Jekyll and Hyde calm down he is totally unpredictable he can turn in an instant when I get cross frost of punch my mom and stuff and pusher she just gets me really angry sometimes do the wrong thing take him to the wrong place he will have a major meltdown she copes but when she doesn't cope we try and cope I think we are gonna take a trip over to my parents house Charley's grandparents house and I thought we'd go and have a visit to them see how he gets on Charlie is an enigma he's can be such a wonderful child it does not stop when he's in this mode we got no chair he just up here constant talk talk talk talk don't talk [Music] um to girls to a butcher's shop and asks for a dog I'm sorry say to the butcher we're out of duck how about chicken oh yes replies the hunter and how do you how do I tell my wife I shot a chicken I don't get it GP doctor dawn and pediatrician dr. Ravi are trying to find out if kids like three-year-old Billy need a medical diagnosis or strict to parenting to get to the bottom of their challenging behavior I love us you're not turning up without your old charlie they've really got their work cut out you hate me well that's nice currently excluded from school and home tutored charlie now only agrees to leave the house to visit his grandparents all to walk the dog phoning company in his computer games Charlie doesn't have any friends is that he's tried to make friends in schools he will see them his his friends but he never gets invited anyway life has become trapped isolated charlie doesn't want to leave the house and it's not a good way to have friends really if we go to the shops later we can get some more milk well that's all I've got so you can either finish that up and we're go to the shops and get some more what but we need to get milk doesn't want to do anything it doesn't want to go anywhere he gets kicked out of the clubs that he tries to join now he just doesn't even join them because what's the point what about the park I think what he's trying to do is avoid situations that he might recognize might make him meltdown [Music] having no friends and always staying in means that the only person he can vent his frustration on is his mom there was a time when Charlie was having one of his meltdowns I was at the top of the stairs and he was pushing and pushing and pushing me and I slipped and I came down and I fell it wasn't a case of that he'd come down the stairs to see if I was okay he came down the stairs and carried on kicking me she's a big lad as well as me times when I've actually had to physically called the police out on a six-year-old child because of the violence the police have been here twice because of really the police came out and at first it was a case of this is absolutely ridiculous can you not control the six-year-old well they walked into me they'd never said anything like I can go into the kitchen and where I'd been making sandwiches there was a knife on the side and Charlie actually picked up and came in kitchen knife and I had to have the kitchen door shut okay and I'm holding the kitchen door and he's through the other side waving and Brandon a knife at me and that that's his heart breaking [Music] it's really difficult because of course such a loving child but when he goes he's just a different child she's broken isn't she I feel bad after her inner and punching her and pushing her you can't cope with that on your own 24/7 is this just a naughty boy or is there more to it do Charlie and Billy have underlying medical conditions which explain their bad behavior or are there other explanations for the naughtiness dr. Abbey's first up his mama sure the young mom Robyn is convinced her three-year-old son Billy has autism the difficulty is that some of the behaviors described could well be within normal limits for a three and a half year old but I was particularly interested in the fact that she says that when he plays he likes lining things up hello you Billy how old are you three children may from time to time want to line things up but I want to see whether he plays with things in a more normal imaginative kind of way or whether that's all that he does obsessive behavior is just one of the characteristics of autism dr. Ravi is looking for some of the other telltale signs as well such as if Billy gives him eye contact I can see one here it is a bit rusty isn't it oh is it broken can you fix it oh should we get your toolbox yes we've got the toolbox and what color did you say it wasn't you say it was red when he told me to find a toolbox I was fully expecting a toolbox to come back he fooled me completely can I see you fixing the car he had an incredible imagination the idea of having the concept of a a magic spanner that can change cut the colors of things was really amazing to the behavior that Billy displayed really to me shows a child with a vivid imagination with good social interaction you're talking about four minutes there I think it's very difficult for one professional seeing a child to make a diagnosis one way or the other clearly some of these behaviors are challenging and we need to look into why they're challenging and find strategies for mum to deal with those we said that we need to see other people so we're gonna do that Billy is one big mystery to everyone [Music] Charlie's mom is convinced the development disorder is responsible for his bad behavior but for four years she's had a fruitless battle trying to get him assessed by all the necessary medical experts who must then agree as a team to give him a diagnosis this folder here contains just really a small part just the correspondence that I've had going with all the Health Care's professionals other things are from schools four-page letters going out to the pediatricians behavior book as you can see he got quite angry this is what I'm up against so you know I'm just getting nowhere nothing is being done she hopes today's visit from dr. Ravi will vindicate her belief that Charlie isn't just willfully naughty and prove that his uncontrollable behavior is due to an underlying medical condition hi hello you Charlie nice to meet you dr. Ravi is it alright if I come in hello Charlie can't face joining the discussion I don't mind but true to form that's exactly what he does one of the big things that we've seen is his tendency to melt down and have quite a lot of anger outbursts have you identified the kind of triggers that might make them and you put on him any thing you want him to do that he's not ready to do when he was at school how did he get on with other children very difficult any games that were played had to be controlled by Charlie he used to get with them as well no he spent quite a lot of time with his grandparents as well yes what have you observed about how he plays we never actually play with him because he plays with us but by himself it's an interesting way of putting things so basically he wants you there and wants your attention no but he wants to do it how he wants to directly if we're really helpful to go and have a chat with Charlie now hi Charlie Charlie hello how you doing you can eat me five your mum was telling me that you're not going to school at the moment did you like going to school or do you prefer not going to school why didn't you like school because they always used to tell me off for stuff that I didn't know all right is there anyone you play with do you like your Xbox friends are they better than people really being there yeah if we get into a fight then we don't hit each other all right it has rigid behaviors he takes things very literally indeed he doesn't like change and he's not particularly keen on socializing and mixing with other children right I will see you later on in terms of a diagnosis there's a number of things that could be going on but I'd really like to explore further the possibility of the autistic spectrum cheers by about three-quarters of a million people in the UK are on the autistic spectrum this means they may need help with communication and social interaction but it can only be diagnosed after a number of experts have carried out specialist assessments Robyn and grandmother Tracy are convinced that Billie shows signs of autism can we go see the lady about you talking did she talk too much I'd quite like to get Libby our speech and language therapist to see him to do a formal assessment for autistic spectrum disorder Libby is a speech and language therapist but a primary concern isn't stammers and stutters she wants to know how Billy expresses himself and if he understands what others are telling him if I tell you what to do with these can you put the spoon on the plate easy-peasy but the tractor on the chair a lot of what I did with Billy just then looked like play but I was looking for attention listening whether he could recognize emotions can you show me a sad face Billy I'm looking for little clues that might let me believe whether he was on the autistic continuum or not if Billy is on the autistic spectrum he's likely to take things literally struggle to hold a two-way conversation and misinterpret facial expressions or pictures why is the boy happy birthday how did you know it was his birthday they said hey that's alright that's very clever answer that is one thing we do know is that one in five children with autism have been excluded from school Charlie's been excluded from school he has some tutoring at home but Wiles where the hours obsessively watching TV and playing video games he hates it when his mum even tries to get him out of the house shoes shoes shoes today Maxine's finally managed to drag him out of the house to walk the family dog Murphy how can you worry eats please baby it's got a tray up here that he climbs he stays in the tree while I walk so he doesn't actually walk with me he's ever walked with me Charlie not too high please what's the best thing about being at the top of the tree you get to see stuff what can you see he's coming this is my sea [Music] that's the extent of our dog walk we don't know he gets bored very very very quickly Charlie wait in the search for clues to explain Charlie's whirring behavior doctors dawn and Ravi have brought in two experts child psychologist dr. Nicola keneley and speech and language therapist Helen Gill are taking a road trip to Cumbria you're gonna carry out the assessment are here today and then I'm going to be watching and making notes they're aiming to find out if Charlie is developing typically or like a child with autism [Music] dr. connealy will investigate his communication by playing games and asking questions while Helen makes notes about his unspoken communication his body language what I'd like you to do charlie is to play with these for a while together they're looking for clues that might point to autism does he lack imagination really yeah does he take everything too literal so we've got here a pretend think we've got to pretend taps we've got a pretend toothbrush show me and tell me how you would brush your teeth with those things I only have one tap oh holy Valley got one tap one part of the assessment is where we actually ask the child to stand up and to retell a story from the car that they've seen in front of us the fisherman caught a fish that was going to get it and what we're looking for at that point is how well they use their hands to express themselves we want to know whether children understand emotions and whether they can describe emotions so what sort of things Charlie do you like doing that make you feel happy and cheerful no what does it mean being a friend to you what does it mean [Music] the arrival of a plate of biscuits lolz Charlie into thinking the assessment is over but Helens still on the job [Music] does he give eye contact does he chat how does he react to biscuits they're slightly different to what is used to [Music] all deer all this is useful intelligence for the approaching day of diagnosis when the whole team must decide what's going on with Charlie once and for all interrupted sleep can be another characteristic of autism and is one of the reasons why mom Robin thinks Billie has the condition so we've installed CCTV cameras in his bedroom but mums totally unprepared for the footage will reveal [Music] GP doctor dawn and pediatrician dr. Ravi are trying to help two desperate mums who are really struggling with their sons you can't cope with that on your own 24/7 is this just a naughty boy do eight-year-old Charlie know and three year old Billy have autism up to eighty percent of children with autism suffer from unusual sleep and because Billy and Charlie's mums have both reported erratic sleep patterns we've installed CCTV cameras in their bedrooms to see what the problem might be Billy's mum has said that she finds it really difficult to get him to go to bed at night time and also once he's asleep he's up and down all night dr. Ravi sent the CCTV clips to sleep expert Deb subdued and today billion family are going to discuss what she's found so just looking at the sleep now and my heart really went out to you Robin because you're sitting there for three hours a night most nights reading am i right in thinking that generally Billy goes to sleep around 11 ish between 11:00 and 1:00 a.m. and how is Billy in the morning how does he wake up okay so if you know let him wake up naturally it was waking at 8:30 9:00 is short is it later sometimes you have to do the other day okay anyway it's good that he's making up for some sleep because he doesn't get very much what I'd love to do is just have a quick chat with Robin because Deb's is keen to keep what the CCTV footage has shown a secret between her and Roberts because it reveals an unexpected reason why Billy's not sleeping why do you think Billy doesn't sleep because his brain is constantly going your feeling is that his mind just won't stop working okay but just watch this actually he's on Billy's pillow so Billy can't even put his head down so the dog is actually pushed Billy out of bed so you're popping him back and he's going back to bed absolutely beautifully and then he joins Billy in bed he's literally shove shoving him out it would be very interesting to see if when the cat and the dog are put in another room whether Billy actually sweeps through the video footage has given a clue to Billy's broken Knights but will the team think it's significant we're also monitoring Charlie sleep with CCTV and his refusal to sleep is proving more violent Charlie is banned from playing these computer games for the whole of the next day okay it grinds you down daily if I say I'm gonna do say I have to stick to it and that's what I have to do so you have to follow it through dr. Ravi has asked child psychologist dr. Nicola Kennelly to analyze the CCTV footage to see what she can learn about last night's incident but it's not the outbursts that interests her most body Rocking [Music] and that to me is something that much younger children do and that can be quite self soothing and perhaps what he's trying to do is calm himself down she seem is constant rocking before during Charlie's assessment and thinks it could be relevant when she reports back to the team later on [Music] it's time for dr. dawn to bring everyone together for a decision on Billy mom thinks he has autism because he lines his toys up obsesses about the television and sleeps badly but will the experts agree the reason I want the diagnosis is because he start school next year and I don't want him going in and being seen as the naughty child [Music] what's prompted mum and gran to seek help is some concerns about how to control his behavior and I wonder whether some of his behavior during the day might be related to the fact he's not sleeping particularly well I I think you've hit the nail on the head bedtime is 7:30 to 8:00 totally appropriate but he's not falling to sleep until between 11:00 p.m. and 1:00 a.m. because mom is reading to him for three hours I'm absolutely sure I wish I had after that end yeah I passed three this morning how did you feel he's a delightful little boy and I didn't see any issues that I was concerned about his understanding was was age-appropriate he could even answer some questions which was actually more advanced than you would expect for his age I don't think any of us really think that any of his behavior is suggestive of being on the autistic spectrum I don't know what that would that be fair to say I'll go and speak to mama grandma see if they'd like to come join us here so yeah I'm crazy it can sometimes be very difficult to tell parents that what they think is going on isn't what's going on if you don't mind our looking after Billy for a while yeah yes it's completely natural for any parent to worry about their child we all worry is this normal behavior which is what Robert is doing so I knew Robin Tracy or quite well acquainted with the team and obviously we're here to chat about Billy when we looked at Billy's tape when we could see firsthand that you know there are issues his autism's in the family and you're very aware of it you'll often sort of pick up on behaviors and think well could that be autism it you could fit anything into autism if you tried hard in our first there's no no we're all looking for explanations for things the couple of things that really struck me was how great his language is is his imagination was just tremendous and that doesn't really tie in with typical autism they're very literal and that's that and in fact you know Livvy I think would say straight away that not only is Billy very good with communication for his age he's probably better than he should be so I didn't feel that it was necessary to go down the formal route of a thing for autism because I didn't see anything that would indicate that I think I would take away that it's very much a positive yeah oh yeah definitely I feel he's on the Spector six that's brilliant who knows I mean it could mean so much more for him now you know in life he's gonna get on he's gonna you know I don't have any doubt that that little boy's gonna get so if it's not autism then what is it basically he must be chronically sleep-deprived I know it sounds crazy but sleep can actually impact on everything that you're saying if you're worried about getting your children to sleep don't worry it's now got a name delayed sleep phase syndrome is a disorder where sleep is delayed two or more hours past the conventional bedtime this delay in falling asleep causes difficulty with concentration and behavioral problems so it's no wonder that his behavior sometimes he just erupt like a volcano I would hope that would be able to shift his sleep phase to a more age-appropriate time sleep is key for small children she gonna have a hug with Billy all the best not only is Billy I think normal child he's actually a very bright child who has got problems with sleeping and who probably needs to get out and socialize and be a bit more active and I think if we do that for him we're gonna see a very different little boy Maxine knows how important it is for boys to let off steam Charlie loves climbing trees so she's come up with an idea to lure him away from video games she's booked a one-to-one climbing lesson I bring Charlie to things like this don't always join him with him but because he hasn't really got any friends we tend to have to do things together after 20 minutes the instructor is redundant Charlie's taken over I don't know what I'm doing it's taking over completely [Music] it's quite unusual for beginners to take over the class charlie seems happy to invent his own game charlie is your mom a good climber are you a good yeah [Music] the following week diagnosis days last looms for Charlie and his family until now getting the right professionals in a room to discuss him was proven a nightmare for Maxine as I am I'm feeling quite apprehensive we've been waiting a very very long time for this day for years she's only had the support of her parents as she struggled to manage a son who's excluded from school refuses to leave the house and he sometimes violent but after all the waiting is she ready to hear dr. Robbie's definitive news you want your child to have but I've just not been believed for so long making me emotional for the past four years Maxine's been struggling for someone to recognize her eight-year-old son Charlie's problems he hates change and he's prone to violent outbursts getting the right diagnosis for Charlie would mean a great deal it would mean people would understand him it would mean he would get the correct support it would mean I would know how to deal with my child but what they're gonna say after a series of assessments our team of experts are meeting to discuss whether the eight-year-old has a diagnosable behavioral condition so Helen and Nicola you went together I think to do to do the autism assessment one of the tasks that I have to do is a demonstration task and I have to say here's a pretend sync with to pretend taps and Charlie said I only have one tap in the bathroom and looked quite confused and I guess that's a sign of how literal he thinks so very rigid thinking yeah socks back on and the other thing that we noticed was how many mannerisms that he displayed and children on the autistic spectrum often display quite repetitive behaviors he did he did quite a lot of body rocking he took the sock off and he was repeatedly flicking his foot in these sorts of behaviors they seem to come about once the social pressure was increased so what I'm hearing from you then is there are lots of things adding up to say this child almost certainly is on the autistic spectrum I decided to give a questionnaire that's quite new called the extreme demand avoidance questionnaire to think a little bit more about the profile of charlie's behavior and a child of his age should receive a score of less than 50 and he received a score of 68 so he fit quite an obvious pattern of pathological demand avoidance so doesn't it with pathological demanded voidance is that it's all to do with control children on the autistic spectrum like to fail to control a situation if you're asking them to do things where they don't really understand why and they can't control it they they their response is to avoid it by melting down pathological demand avoidance is a new diagnosis within the autism spectrum just like any child with autism Charlie struggles with social interaction and is prone to obsessions such as his computer games PDA is a form of autism in which a child feels extreme anxiety when faced with even the smallest of demands leading to violent outbursts or refusing to leave the house but probably at the stage we're ready to invite Maxine's join us country sounds good the family is about to hear the team's verdict it's a moment that will change Charlie's life forever hi Charlie have you come through no Charlie doesn't want to be part of the conversation you don't have to church but he agrees to come to the meeting in his silent capacity hi Charlie nice to see you again [Music] let's just start Ravi do you want to kick-off yeah Charlie you know why we've all been coming and chatting to you and asking you all those silly questions well what it is because you've had such a bad time we wanted to see whether there was anything that we could do to try and make life better for you does that sound okay now our feeling is that Charlie does sit on the autistic spectrum now within that he fulfils a lot of the criteria for a particular sub diagnosis within the autistic spectrum that's called pathological demand avoidance charlie doesn't respond to traditional parenting so Maxine needs to learn a new approach where demands are kept to a minimum by turning them into games or blaming a demand on another authority not her it's things like I don't want to go to school you don't want to go to school but the Queen says we have to go to school but now that we've got this it's important that we link in with your local services so that number one Charlie can get back to education but it needs to be the right place with the right people whatever that might be and I just say thank you very much Lucas I know it's not what you want your child to have but it's just a relief that I've just not been believed for so long it's four years of trying to get insulted and you've done I will in five weeks making me emotional this is marvelous isn't it we don't have to we don't have to keep hunting anymore I think when we gave Maxine our diagnosis although she seemed upset I think underlying all that was a sense of relief she's known for a long time that there's been something underlying Charley's behavior and I suspect she'd probably worked out what was going on before anyone else had [Music] since being told that he doesn't in fact have autism things are changing at Billy's house Deb Sugden is working with Robin to tackle ease light sleep phase syndrome the idea is for Robin to move Billy's bedtime gradually earlier over the next six weeks to reset his sleep phase and once asleep make sure he's undisturbed by removing the pets from his room ignoring Billy crying is proving really difficult [Music] 25 last night that was deaf that was the hardest one so far let's cut fasten on and then Billy had a really good night last night he slept all night now he's got better sleeping habits Robin needs to get Billy watching less television and using up his energy with more physical activity so dr. dawn suggested he join a mini Rugby Club [Music] did you enjoy that yeah really a lot happier you don't have so many outbursts these days not as many as we would have the new baby is happy in Cumbria Maxine's been doing her homework on pathological demand avoidance and she's learning new strategies to keep demands to a minimum need you to come off in ten minutes so when that sands gone through can you come down yeah okay thank you the sand time is telling him that he's got to come off and by doing that I haven't given him that demand so he can either start calling the sand timer names but it's not me have some lunch now darling come on you know he's coming all right the sun's gone through and he's just walked in he's just done what done what we've asked him to do and it's correct Wow you know what happened there when local services are embracing Charlie's diagnosis a Mac ceiling no longer feels alone what are getting back into education be looking at new schools which would be a massive step forward Forrest an archaeologist hmm dig up old stuff he's got a lot of potential and with the right support which hopefully what this diagnosis is now gonna be put in place he's gonna go really far [Music] oh the fun yeah you're laughing [Music]

Channel: Origin

Views: 479,845

Keywords: origin story, parenting, teen mum, single mom, wellbeing, mindfulness, support network, shelter, nct, first second third trimester, mums meet up, charity for parents, family lives, kensington mums, mind, mums group, mummy social, raising a child, snowplow parenting, inuit parenting, co parenting, weird parenting wins, bare minimum parenting, respectful parenting, autism, autism spectrum, behavioral issues, badly behaved children, bads kids, worst kids, naughty kid

Id: -Kz6ViZ9VT4

Length: 46min 40sec (2800 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 04 2019