Mortal Kombat Annihilation - Nostalgia Critic

hello i'm the nostalgia critic i remember it so you don't have to you know i was pondering the other day oh yeah uh you might be wondering why i don't have a beer to stroke while i ponder well that's because i made a very foolish bet the other day and asked that guy with the glasses i bet him that john mccain would win this recent presidential election instead of that other guy i forget his name i think he was on the news once so since i lost that bad i had to go ahead and shave my beard off what can you do well i hope you're happy mr glass is sitting there all high and mighty in front of your bookcase hello oh aloha didn't hear you come in wait a minute why did you shave your beard i thought the contest was if mccain lost i had to shave it off no i thought the contest was if i didn't post the video with the contestants answering the questions in a week i'd had to shave my beard p.s it's coming soon well this is great we both shaved our beards off when neither of us had to what the hell else could happen hello am i on the internet why the hell did you shake your beard off you weren't even part of the contest i just wanted to belong i saw everyone else shaving their beards also i decided to too will you guys be my friends now no god how'd you shave that thing anyway i didn't think you had a razor i put cheese wheels all over my face and then i let loose a bunch of hungry rats they were so happy i named them all day wrong oh dude don't tell me anymore that's also how we went to my bikini area dude stop you weren't the part of the contest you didn't have to change what change change you got changed get him out of here william i'll give you a cheese whack piss off just to let you know that video is coming i assure you get out of here oh right this is that guy with the glasses saying there's no such thing as a stupid cat great so i shaved off my beer for nothing what a waste well even though i will no doubt grow another one i can't help but feel saddened by the laws of my cherished friend he's been on my lips for years and now with a whisk of a razor he's gone i'm not usually a sentimental person but i feel it only necessary to pay homage to the first and original beer that has been on my face for what seems like eons so you wonderful scraps of face fuzz this is for you [Music] honestly like to thank sarah mclaughlin for writing the most overused montage song of all time but i'd also like to thank green day for being the second runner up with i hope you had the time of your life sorry green day it's just mclaughlin's song was a little bit sadder and this is the time for morning i'm the nostalgia critic i remember it so you don't have to that's right i have a review to do you know i was pondering the other day why so many people got offended when i reviewed the movie mortal kombat [Music] i of course pointed it out for the ridiculous piece of horror that it was but i was surprised to find a lot of people enjoyed it why i mean okay it's certainly not as bad as some other films i've reviewed on here but why do so many people consider it a satisfying movie well a lot of folks have emailed me saying that's not really so bad once you compare it to the sequel that came out two years later mortal kombat annihilation i don't think i've ever gotten so many requests to do one movie practically every day someone was asking me to review this well i gave him the peer pressure i've decided to look over this [ __ ] madness in all its glory even the cover gives the strange order to destroy all expectations while judging by the first film i can safely say that i have no expectations so this shouldn't be that disappointing you want to take a look so do i let's jump right in oh i'm sorry i seem to have popped in the first movie these are obviously the exact same credits no it says annihilation on there maybe they just printed it on the wrong cartridge yeah look at that it's the first movie it even says right there wait what [Music] oh my god they use the exact same opening no difference at all how cheap are these a-holes why did you even need to cg a new title were there no red crayons at the drugstore to cross it out and just write annihilation over it wow these guys are really going the extra mile so it starts out with a mortal recap of the first film liu kang won the championship raiden never shut up johnny cage and sonia got together i guess and they even got out with some evil emperor's daughter called katana or something i don't know she was in the movie for like a minute and they all live happily ever after or do they it turns out that evil is approaching as it starts writing cirque du soleil on our heroes who find them so surrounded by some nasty henchmen but our fearless fighters are confident as luke kang gets on his guard katana readys for battle sonia prepares for who the hell is that that's not sonia that's like a totally different actress raven what the hell's going on here [Music] ah you're not raiden johnny cage who are all these people [Music] ah you're not johnny cage so wait a minute if you're not sonya you're not raiden and you're not johnny cage then what does that make me actually it turns out that they got all new actors for these characters which is kind of strange because the first film indicates that there will definitely be a sequel so don't you think they would have had the actors sign on for that frank you're right agent you gotta get me out of this movie sequel i know i did the first one but they don't even have enough money for a new opening sequence oh all right i'll just have to fake my own death i can't go back so we certainly see a bunch of lightning and cool-looking creatures but just who are these sideshow rejects who are threatening our heroes the earth was created in six days and on the seventh day mankind will rest in peace oh god jehovah's witnesses no it turns out that all these baddies are working for the evil emperor of darkness what's his name shao khan aya xiao the only evil overlord who dresses up like mcgruff the crime dog as long as the portal remains open your world becomes my world and take a bite out of crime he's also accompanied by his queen sindel who also happens to be katana's mother mother did she give birth when she was two so the emperor fights raiden as he makes fun of his george washington haircut as they show off their effects that are so lame that even the angry video game nerd could pull them off but cage wants in on these crappy photoshop effects and enters himself into the battle but that turns out to be a bad idea johnny cage dies this film's looking up already how soon do the other characters get it so the rest of the heroes escape the emperor by entering some sort of underground cave here raiden tries to explain exactly what's going on i believe he has resurrected your mother to keep these portals open indefinitely by reuniting you with her his spell will be broken your mother's soul will be at peace and his portals closed isn't that cute they think we give a crap how could the elder gods allow this i do not know but come on you must be stopped or your world will perish i beat shang song i can beat khan you are no match for khan if anyone's going to kill khan all right enough with the cons so the story is actually kind of hard to follow i guess they have to split up and roam between the realms of the human world and outworld as the emperor slowly merges the two worlds together their goal i guess is to just find a way to stop the emperor as evil queen sounds simple enough so how are we gonna travel by using the cage balls from american gladiators of course just watch these things move and that's not my crappy editing or anything that's really how they move look at these things it's like taxis for gerbils on top of that two people have to ride on it facing each other thrusting forward and heaving their bodies to make it go this is like the most awkward amusement park ride in the world when visiting six flags be sure to ride the [ __ ] ball hours of uncomfortable unpractical all-around unenjoyable fun it's like the tunnel of love only it's a fuckbomb must be at least this perverted to ride meanwhile we cut to the temple of the emperor where we see him discuss the takeover of earth with his father the merger has begun earth is under attack and it is glorious i am acting did you make raiden beg for his life before destroying him thank you that was very necessary raiden is of no concern to us [Music] so luke kang and katana are attacked by the only robot who wears dreads as they continue through another action sequence where people are just jumping around on strings it's like crouching tiger hidden [ __ ] there's so many strings in this movie i keep thinking there's a puppet master at the top of the screen pull the string pull the but then they're saved by a familiar face sub-zero well wait a minute didn't he freeze to death in the first movie you killed my older brother oh that was his brother seven degrees celsius okay i get it now you killed my older brother so why did you help us because i hated him he was a douche we have a common enemy sub-zero you must help us no wait a minute she just called him sub-zero okay okay maybe it was scorpion the yellow guy who was the brother in the first film that died okay now that makes sense so who are they gonna encounter next what is going on we saw both of these guys die in the first movie why are they suddenly back did they both have brothers are they themselves brothers are they clones are they the same people but different actors all the other actors are different so how am i supposed to tell i follow lectures of black hole theories less complicated than this i miss all the fighting scorpion grabs katana and takes her back to the emperor meanwhile we cut to sonia who looks like she's pretty busy breaking into jurassic park trying to find more pointless fight scenes to partake in she comes across her counterpart named jax who just had the best steroid injection he ever had in his life all right stand back stand back let's see what i'm made of whoa it turns out i'm made of awesome but a lost gi joe action figure comes in to make their escape a little tougher i come free with any happy meal so ninjas come in as we partake in gasp another fight scene behold my accessories they are all sold separately be careful of what you hit one of those buttons might zap timmy on the electric fence my batteries are not included [ __ ] okay seriously how many jump scenes can you have in a freaking movie it's like they're fighting in a trampoline factory look at these ninjas the foot soldiers were more threatening than them so sonia finds some sort of flammable molten milk or something and blows it at the tweety pot roasting him alive this is not covered by my guarantee then they have to rush out of the building for the biggest most incredible green screen explosion you've ever seen in your life you know guys you don't have to blow up everything especially if you don't have oh i don't know the explosion meanwhile liu kang roams the desert searching for some form of life that can help him get katana back instead he comes across an obvious wolf effect that they cannot afford that two seconds of mediocre special effects is known as nightwolf a native american warrior who looks suspiciously like spirit from gi joe and is just about as hammy but to beat shao khan you've got to pass three tests first one's courage i don't have time for these stupid games oh well that's not good the second challenge was stupid games so nightwolf tries to help him discover his inner beast by showing him past clips from the other movies that would bring out anybody's raging inner beast look he's turning into the hulk you wouldn't like me when i'm luke angry what lou kang didn't know apparently is that when you find your inner beast hot half-naked women appear to offer themselves freely to you i'm not afraid i can clearly see that no my heart [Music] belongs to another your heart belongs to another who katana that chick you've known for less than an hour how does she own your heart true you just met this other woman but give her a few minutes and you have known her just as long unfortunately the young lady doesn't take rejection well as she transforms into a fearsome ninja and starts whooping luke hangs ass uh is it okay if we go back to having sex so it turns out the young woman's name is jade and she was just testing luke yeah that's it to see if he would give into temptation he doesn't so i guess she's joining him on his quest i don't know makes about as much sense as anything else meanwhile we see sonia and jax as they too roam through the desert there they come across here's a big surprise someone else to fight katana you wish oh glad to meet you you wish [Music] i seriously cannot believe how many fight scenes there are in this movie i mean look at this it's just two women fighting each other covered in mud heaving their large breasted bodies onto each other touching one another rolling around grabbing each other's hair getting all dirty messy mud all over their bodies forcing their clothes to cling to their skin ever so tightly revealing their slim revealing their slim feminine figures for all of us to see biting and clawing at each other giving into their animal instincts clawing one another like cats hissing and screaming until one of them comes out victorious oh yeah so after that scene sonia defeats you wish and is suddenly attacked by um bowser's anorexic sister but is saved by jax who puts that computer-generated sock puppet in his place meanwhile we see rayden talking to the gods as he tries to figure out how the emperor went against the rules of outworld and mortal combat a scene without fighting take it away take it away rayden then rejuvenates himself trying to pull off the billy idol look as he meets up with the rest of our heroes we find out that our heroes have to travel to outworld to rescue katana and i guess remove the spell from her mother that makes her all vampirish faster than you can say stop [ __ ] fighting another fight scene pops up as we see raiden split from the team to take on some more ninjas so are you guys gonna hit each other could you maybe stop doing flips and actually attack one another well somebody just throw a punch [Music] i'm crying out loud this is immortal combat it's mortal ballet [Music] well i had enough of this fight let's see how the other guys are doing fighting the vampire chick hey what you fought her off screen are you telling me that i missed another possible girl on girl action scene what a rip-off but they were fighting in jell-o too so liu kang breaks into the fortress to rescue katana i guess it looks like smooth sailing from here it's a trap lou oh thanks were you gonna tell me that before or after he cut my head off so liu kang fights the worst spencer's costume he ever saw and gets katana out of her cage here katana tries to use her magic to break her mother from the emperor's spell but her magic doesn't work as the queen escapes their grasp by doing her wonder woman twirl so what now if sindel is not the key to closing khan's portals then khan has a higher allegiance wait a second that tattoo i've seen it before it is a permanent mark that allows safe passage through the portals for the bearer and his passengers you know i think i just figured out one of the major problems with this movie there's no story there's just explaining how do we stop con let me explain where do we go next let me explain it's just explaining and fighting and i get enough of that from my own government so please explain to us why you have that tattoo my father is an elder god if your father's an elder god what does that make khan shal khan is my brother all right enough of these cliches let's just jump to the final fight scene where our heroes face off against khan and his warriors but wait a minute why isn't raven coming well i know perhaps he has some sort of foolproof backup plan to sneak in and stop the emperor taking him by surprise so tell us raiden god of lightning what's your strategy to help our team i will pray for you all [ __ ] you get your ass in there thor i mean what is he literally standing somewhere in the back shouting don't worry i'll bravely watch you die from the sidelines after he does some serious soul searching raiden does finally come to his senses and fight his brother finally a groundbreaking epic duel god versus god brother versus brother an incredible battle that will no doubt be the highlight why were you even in this movie game over socality alright so our heroes have to deliver the big fight as they use their martial arts skill to their full potential best death ever it's up to liu kang to stop the evil emperor now but in what way should it be decided will be decided as it should be immortals combat [Music] hell yeah but lucan gives into his inner beast and becomes whatever the hell this is but so does khan who magically transforms himself into a giant okay how can we take this seriously how would the duck have better effects than this so luke hang of course defeats khan his father turns into a rubik's cube they get katana's mother back restore order to the world and they live happily ever after or do they yeah yeah they they do pretty much but i don't i mean this movie makes the first mortal kombat look like a masterpiece i mean nothing in this movie makes any sense or has anything resembling positive entertainment so does that make the first mortal kombat a good movie no but it definitely makes it a movie which is more than i can say for this pig [ __ ] if you have a chance to pass it up do so and never look back as long as you live oh uh i'm the nostalgia critic i remember it so you don't have to you

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 1,014,660

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, doug walker, movie, movies, film, movie review, Mortal Kombat (Video Game Series), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (Work Of Fiction), mortal kombat annihilation movie, film review, video games, Review, Film (Film)

Id: CcaQw_B5VjE

Length: 21min 31sec (1291 seconds)

Published: Fri May 22 2015