Modern Family : The Greatest Duet Of All Time

all right do I love this theater or what what a great place we meet in Branson in an abandoned theme park and so we meet in a castle that's not as cool as a historic theater but we tell people all the time if you're looking for steeples we've got 13 and they're all painted purple it's a purple castle the seniors I guess in this church you consider 40 years old and above senior so in January I turned 40 I'm in a senior adult that's awesome I hope I get discounts but the adults pull up to our church and they're like oh I hope they can get a real building one day but their kids are going cool way cool so my passion in ministry is marriage and family we are Woodland Hills Family Church in Branson my desire and passion that I believe from the Lord to what I do over the around the country and and at our home base in Branson Missouri is to encourage couples to encourage singles I'm I'm one of these crazy guys that I actually believe in and advocate for young marriage I know I'm a heretic but I I actually believe in celebrating marriage with a wedding and promoting it to young people I believe a lot of young people today are hearing they need to learn how to be independent before they'll ever be successful in marriage and I believe independence has become a socially acceptable term for selfishness and I believe we're sending our children out of the kids centered home and telling them to live for themselves for another 10 or 15 years and I just want to be one voice as a pastor that comes in and says hey listen you don't have to be scared of marriage and so I I hope tonight when you leave if you're single I know that research is still on my side with this one about 90% of you will walk down an aisle one day so if you're single don't tune this message out file it away for that day begin to prepare yourself now and your character now for marriage if you're married I want to encourage you and just paint a beautiful picture of marriage tonight I'm one pastor who's sick and tired of feeling as though every time we talk about sex or marriage we need to go on to satan's turf to discuss it this is not his turf this is god's turf and so some of you are like is he gonna talk about that tonight i have children in here well don't stress i'm not gonna say anything i wouldn't allow my seven or nine-year-old here five years ago i wrote my first book it's called the language of sex my kids are very proud of it they know they're here as a result of that book and so i'm not gonna share anything that shocks them and be honest with you I'm probably not gonna share anything they haven't seen it on the Disney Channel we're just gonna take it and put it into a biblical context tonight so if you would turn in your Bibles to the Song of Songs chapter one your translation may say the Song of Solomon and we're gonna look at the the greatest duet of all time and this is an eighth chapter book I love this book but here's what I want you to see in it tonight as we just look at the first eleven verses of this book I really want you to see that every marriage is a duet in need of great backup singers okay I love doing couples counseling it's my one of my favorite things to do when I'm not studying or speaking I love working with couples who are afflicted it's one of my favorite things to do and no it's not because I get to go home and feel a lot better about my marriage it's so that I truly can help them and here's what I tell them I say when you get into that point of escalated argument I want you to call a timeout stop giving the kids a timeout give yourself a timeout go be alone with the Lord take personal responsibility for your heart and then come back in twenty or thirty minutes and tell your spouse what you've learned about yourself when you get in the fight it's not the time to go and gather up the allies how many know what I'm talking about it's not time to call home to mama it's time to do business with the Lord and and I know many of you have good backup singers in your life but what I'm what I'm hearing more and more that a lot of the duets around us are are not seeing the backup singing that they should and they're hearing things when when the marriage gets tough they're hearing things like I told you you shouldn't have married him no one should have to put up with that he's never gonna change she's never gonna change her on the flip side of that she's changed yeah three kids will do that to you you fill your house with crazies and see how well you do it happens and so some of us some of us have the good backup singers some of us have the bad backup singers I really want to challenge you tonight with who's speaking into your marriage who's who's celebrating and promoting even the young leaven we're going to see that in this text let me give you the the characters of this great 8th chapter book this is a compilation of songs songs that speak to fun freeing physical sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife chapter one and two they're dating and courting Chapter three there's a wedding chapter four there's a honeymoon Bao Bao chicky chicky Bao Bao then in Chapter five they get back and they have a fight and six seven and eight deal with the faithfulness and commitment to marriage this whole book builds towards exclusivity a husband and a wife enjoying life and marriage together for a lifetime and here are the characters you have Solomon we see this in verse one Solomon's song of songs he wrote hundreds and hundreds of songs this is a compilation of those songs and every word in this book you see is a lyric he's a shepherd king he's a collector of horses and he falls for this young Shulamite woman we don't know her name but we know she's a simple country gal and then there's a third group of characters I love this group of characters they're called the daughters of Jerusalem I call them the backup singers I call them the doo-wop girls they come in and they rejoice and delight in the young love and the budding love of Solomon and the Shulamite as you see them throughout this book because they're in Chapter one and two as the couple's dating and courting they're at the wedding in Chapter three when the couple gets back from the honeymoon where they consummated their wedding vows you see the daughters of Jerusalem they're the first ones to speak and you know what they say after an entire chapter dedicated to the honeymoon they say drink your fill o lovers and the word right there in chapter five verse one means to be intoxicated they're praising the exclusivity of sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife and they're saying this is a good thing be intoxicated with each other be intoxicated with the naked body of your spouse they're excited then in Chapter five there's an argument there's a fight and and in chapter six when the when you see the daughters of Jerusalem again it's a great scene because they don't they don't advocate for the spouse they advocate for the marriage I deal with this a lot and I want to encourage you when you look at the marriages around you learn how to be an advocate for marriage not just a spouse let me say that again in case there are any mother-in-law's in here advocate for the marriage not just your baby learn to advocate and promote and celebrate the exclusivity of marriage and you know what the daughters of Jerusalem say as the Shulamite woman is walking around the streets looking for Solomon they don't say oh you deserve better you shouldn't have to put up with that what do they say they say where is he why don't we go with you we will look for him and find him together they advocate for the couple together not just one these are the characters the first one we're gonna see speak will be the Shulamite woman then we're gonna see the daughters of Jerusalem the backup singers praise the love of Solomon and the Shulamite and that the section of text we'll look at tonight will end with Solomon speaking and so let's look at verse 2 of Song of Songs chapter 1 let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love is more delightful than wine I've asked my wife to memorize that verse in multiple translations pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes your name is like perfume poured out she's speaking there of character when your name is mentioned guess what all the girls go I want to be with him and you see that in the very next part of the verse no wonder the maidens love you enter competition there's others who want you and I know there's plenty to pick from and she's gonna get into this self talked a lot of young ladies get into why would he want me there's nothing extra special about me and verse 4 the desire to be with him the desire to have a relationship with him turns sexual it turns physical in verse 4 take me away with you let us hurry let the King bring me into his chambers or bedroom I want to be with him but I was very important this this phrase that you see in the next two chapters she says do not arouse or awaken love before its time sexual intimacy is reserved for a husband and a wife for a lifetime and she says I have this desire I want to be with him but I'll wait for chapter 3 I'll wait for the wedding and can I tell you if you if you get now down a little bit deeper into verse 4 we see the daughters of Jerusalem love this text because when they see desire when they see this intense physical desire they don't freak out look at what they say we rejoice and delight in you we will praise your love more than wine they celebrate desire which we don't do real well today in our culture doing that especially in the church I remember my five-year-old she's 9 now but when she got out in the car after kindergarten one day she goes dad I think Kyle likes me no he does it no I think he does no Kyla's of his father the devil and a child of darkness he's an evil kid you stay away from Kyle dad do you not like Kyle I hate him he doesn't his parents are awful I don't know anything about calm but sin not what we want to do when when desire is sparked in young people this is what parents do know don't you feel that stop feeling that hey how about a teenage girl coming home to her mom and saying I think I'm in love no you're not you don't know what love is love is what your father and I have yeah I don't want that mom what I'm experiencing is good you know what they say when they see desire they say we will praise that is that is that ever anything you if you if you if you've been in church at it for any period of time you ever heard a pastor say that praise young love praise budding desire let me let me give you this look I think this is important because this is what the book isn't about desire it's about building towards exclusivity and here's what desire says desire says I want you exclusivity says I want only you my wife asked me a couple months ago on a flight to Colorado Springs she said hey I rented a romantic comedy would you want to watch it I'm like that sounds like fun and so I grabbed my headphones and I put them on we watched this movie an hour and a half later I take the headphones off we both look at each other with this face of like hmm she goes that was horrible wasn't it I go that's an hour and a half of our lives we'll never get back that was horrific because the whole movie was built on this premise a boy meets girl and they decide to keep it casual and and they and they don't want to define it they don't want to put any any sort of specific relational formation to it and I know a lot of young people do that today because they're like and it's a coping mechanism for many young people today if we don't define this then whenever whatever this is falls apart we won't hurt so bad so we slide into these decisions rather than deciding and I I prefer the movies that that the guy meets girl and it's like I want you baby I want you bad and then it turns on look I want only you I don't even see anybody else and then the movie ends with this thing we call a wedding I love weddings I love celebrating the exclusivity of marriage with a wedding but we can't be afraid of desire in these these good backup singers come in and they they celebrate it I do this with my kids all the time I'm constantly going up to strangers in public praising and delighting and rejoicing in their love we're in Branson Missouri we were a little town of 10,000 people that ministers to some five six seven million tourists a year and they're all oh they're real senior adults they're like 60 or 70 so in this church they'd be you know dead next year so so I go up to the table at Cracker Barrell with my kids 7 and 9 I see this couple and I'm like eh oh that you guys have been having a ball you've been having fun how long y'all been married 62 years like good for you and I started asking on this story how'd you meet you know tell me all about it and I'm getting all excited and I tell the kids I go then look at all these other people in here they're just eating this couples enjoying one another look at this Corinne should we buy their lunch buy their lunch dad all right I grabbed that bill off the table and every time it still shocks me how did the two of you eat for four dollars and 37 cents I do this at family dinners at holidays just asking people about their marriage and learning to rejoice and celebrate in the marriages around us and then the Shulamite woman comes back in at the end of verse 4 how right they are to adore you and now verses five and six we're gonna see the insecurities of the Shulamite woman and and maybe you can relate to this tonight she has two primary insecurities in this text family history and her body look what it says in verse 5 dark I am yet lovely o daughters of Jerusalem we all know that women each woman I don't know where this number comes from but they all have roughly 372 friends in their network right so they always get together they're always talking I love when women get together and bring each other gifts you know I think that's fantastic and so this is a group of girls sitting around and talking and she begins to go into her negative demeaning self-talk and she says dark I am yet lovely Oh daughters of Jerusalem dark like the tents of Kedar like the tent curtains of Solomon do not stare at me because I am dark because I am darkened by the Sun in that day Hebrew women saw paleness as beauty it meant that you were inside and that you were not a working-class girl in our day a suntan is seen as beauty so that's a little bit different cultural change there she says my my my mother's sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards speaking there of a literal vineyard my own vineyard now she flips that word picture around on herself using it about her body my own vineyard I have neglected tell me you whom I love where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends in other words she says I want to be with you I have insecurities but I will not be like a prostitute I will not give myself to you I will not arouse her awake in love and and arouse this desire I will wait until it's time and then the friends come back in okay so they just heard her speak down about herself and again good backup singers if you don't know most beautiful of women they begin praising her follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds and then in verse 9 I love this we see Solomon speak for the first time and he's going to go and do two things he's going to encourage her about her beauty and he's gonna speak to exclusivity yeah there may be a lot of maintenance out there but I'm choosing you your your your gonna be one that who sticks out among them all now he uses the word picture from his his passion that doesn't really work in our day I would encourage you never to compare a woman to a horse in 2013 in the United States of America it doesn't really work in our culture and I really don't know if it works in any culture anymore but look what it says in verse nine I liken you my darling to a mayor harness to one of the chariots of Pharaoh I love this picture because I just picture you know he had over 12,000 horses first Kings tells us so I see all these dark stallions lined up and and how would they be acting when the the white mayor would go trotting by I just kind of had this picture in my head that all the stallions are doing something like this and they're getting excited some of your gun I didn't really need that because I thought the sermon was progressing nicely and he he ruined it with a horrible in person I was a horrible impersonation of a horse harness to one of the chariots of Pharaoh watch what he's saying is look at all these chariots yeah there's a lot of them but you're the mayor female you're the mayor harness to Pharaoh's chariots get as he's saying there may be a lot of maintenance there may be a lot of other horses but you're my horse in that wonderful you're the one you're the one that I've chosen and then you know it's really getting serious verses 10 and 11 he starts buying her stuff your cheeks are beautiful with earrings your neck with the strings of jewels we will now he's even going to become a jeweler we will make you earrings of gold studded with silver this is Anna courting faizon and desire is expressed and they're gonna move throughout this book towards exclusivity and I want to share a few more passages with you that are important to help you begin to develop your marriage theology Hebrews 13:4 says that marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure now I grew up in Illinois in an independent fundamental premillennial King James Version only Baptist Church okay I've been in therapy for about 15 years and here was the message we got on sex growing up sex is dirty nasty and ugly and you should save it for the one you love how many of you heard that message growing up it was an unspoken message it was a message we never talked about it we never addressed it and and and young people grow up with this idea that there's something broken about them because mom and dad did not use anatomically correct terms even early on when it when it comes to to preparing our young people for marriage I remember about seven years into marriage my wife was in bed reading a book on how men think it's not a real thick book you can read it in about a night and as she was reading this book she was getting more and more frustrated and she said why is sex such an embarrassing topic for you I'm your wife and you don't even like to discuss it and we got into this long conversation it really has impacted us as parents on how we teach our own kids because I some of you are afraid to use anatomically correct terms you're so embarrassed of this idea and again be very careful because I grew up in a church in a home that taught me how to honor purity rather than marriage never really learned how to honor marriage but I learned how to honor purity the the talks were simple don't quit wait stop it don't touch that and I never was taught how to honor marriage and so we've decided we have a seven and a nine year old we decided very early on and here's a quick sex education course if you if you have kids in here or if you're gonna be training zero to five teach your kids that God gave them their body and there's nothing dirty about it it's from the Lord I'll never forget when my son was three he hopped up out of the tub and he goes what is this let me teach you how you start you start by acting as though you didn't hear the question what you say what is this dad second tactic you act as though you didn't understand the question what do you mean but then I with the voice and authority of an apostle said Carson that is your penis and I walked right out of the room you haven't read a parenting book the parenting books they get out of there as soon as possible only answer what they're asking but wouldn't you know that became his new favorite word oh we were talking about it all over Branson just hey and he I had to tell him hey Carson we don't we don't you know display or we don't show people in public okay you don't see your dad doing that all right I'm not one of those kind of pastors and so I said you can too we're at Bob Evans all right yeah Bob Evans here in Savannah no it's an Ohio restaurant it's in Branson the placemats turned over we're having breakfast with our worship pastor and I look over in Carson's color and I'm like you've got to be kidding a sweet lady stops by the table and says son you are so cute what are you drawing now wait a second ma'am I'm a pastor talking to my son about his body God gave it to him there's nothing dirty about it it's a good thing in the middle of that a kid you not my son looks at me and goes dad I'm drawing a dragon not a penis so it did not look like no dragon all that to say it is not a Wawa it is not a tallywacker for you oprah listeners it's not a vajayjay use anatomically correct terms let's quit scaring our kids making them think there's something dirty about the way God made them 6 to 9 teacher kids what's appropriate inappropriate what's modest and immodest 10 to 13 as as desire kicks in as they go through puberty and they're going through puberty a lot earlier I don't know if you realize this they're going through puberty earlier begin to explain to them the same thing about desire that you said to them about their body God gave you those there's good there's nothing dirty about them see we can talk to our kids about their bodies and purity all of that is preparing them for marriage teaching them how to honor marriage now a lot of young people today I speak to and I do a lot of college campuses and I just I hear this idea that said I don't want to get married my parents got married young and they don't even like each other I just want to tell you it has nothing to do with age and everything to do with maturity being prepared for the average age now for a guy to marry the first time 29 years old and for women it's 27 I personally believe the delay is unnecessary we're telling our young people you need to finish college you need to get advanced degrees you need to get a job you need to make some money you need to travel I always love when I hear people tell that to young people make sure you travel don't don't get married until you travel because once you get married you won't have time to travel it's like I travel I've been married for 17 years you can travel and still get in the car and airplane and go places you know life doesn't end for you and these these are the images I just I'm exhausted with campus pastors wearing me out telling young people don't focus on relationships don't focus on marriage focus on your relationship with Christ as though married people can't focus on their relationship with Christ learn to esteem it is highly valuable but there's there's there's a great another text I need you to add to your marriage theology and it's Genesis 2:24 and it says for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two become one flesh very important and understanding marriage that the bond God created between a husband and a wife is to be stronger than the bond he created between a parent and a child okay when you read this verse that says parenting and marriage implications the parenting implication is it is my responsibility as a dad to make sure Carson and Corrine leave home as adults not on a journey to become one this is where I have my young single friends in here college and and and 20-somethings I just want to encourage you with this we did you no good by raising you in a kid centered home we sent you out hoping college would do for you what really should have happened in the home we've created this gap in 1984 called prolonged adolescence it's the gap between childhood and adulthood and biblically and traditionally there's only two seasons to life childhood and adulthood but we created this gap I don't argue too much because counselors go at me when I start talking about the manmade stage of adolescence but what I do vehemently argue against is prolonged adolescence this prolonged track and here's how I define prolonged lessons too much privilege not enough responsibility and we've sent you out of the kid centered home and we've said go live for yourself for another 10 or 15 years and guess what the biggest problem I deal with in marriage counseling today is a husband and a wife who got married and now they have regrets and they want to revert back to a single way of living they want to revert back to the the privileged part and not the responsibility part it traditionally and historically there's five milestones of adulthood leave home finish school and apprenticeship or any sort of training get a job get married start a family the only difference between my grandparents generation and my generation and the Millennials behind me or behind my generation is that my grandparents completed those five milestones in a very short period of time if not simultaneously with not in the same week we've taken those five milestones and we stretch them out 1015 and in some cases 20 25 years after young people leave home and we just spread them out and and we want marriage to be an afterthought and not a forethought but it's it's my job as a dad to make sure my kids leave home as adults that's why my kids they know this verse and they know my definition of maturity according to it I go Carson what's your dad's definition of maturity according to Genesis 2:24 and he'll go I will not be with mom and dad forever so plan accordingly that's right you got it buddy I want you to know you're gonna be out of here one day and I want you to hear this from a dad who loves you your mom and I we got big plans dad what are you gonna do a first thing we're doing we're going to Disney World dad you wouldn't go without us oh yes we would you're expensive it's it's my favorite part of a wedding when dad and and daughter walked down the aisle at the rehearsal I tell him hey listen that tomorrow after I do a welcome and after I do a prayer I'm gonna say who gives this woman to be married to this man and you're gonna respond with her mother and I and then I want you to do something I want you to turn and face your daughter and I want you to speak words of blessing over her I want you to honor her you don't have a microphone and you don't have a clock we're all here on your dime so take your time we're not in a rush and that's like okay okay but I love this because dad doesn't have a clue what's coming he has no idea the wave of emotions that are gonna knock him to the ground so he walks down the next day and I do a welcome and by the way my welcome is to everyone so if you're the wedding crowd tonight I would I would treat you as the daughters of Jerusalem the bridesmaids the the groomsmen I I speak to you I'm like you're here for a purpose not a photo-op okay and and your purpose is to pray for this this marriage to be an advocate for this marriage you may have to remind them of the vows they took this day you need to speak blessing over this marriage after I do all of that I pray and I say who gives this woman to be married to this man her mother and I and then he makes the turn I don't care how big he is he could be six for 280 and this is all you hear and what's great is he tries to collect himself he pauses and thinks I'm a man I shouldn't be whimpering like this in front of all of my family and friends so he he gathers himself and then you hear this and then then he turns and does the same thing with his new son-in-law and I love what a mom comes up to me at a wedding and says I don't feel like I'm losing a daughter today feel like I'm gaining a son I say the same thing every time nope you're losing a daughter it's done quit calling her every day mommy I'm gonna tell you something he doesn't need you to buy him any more underwear or jeans or he can do that all him all by himself he can do that back off and cut the strings 70% of married couples in our country today report frustration or disconnection with in-laws meddling in-laws enmeshed families they destroy marriages they destroy oneness and everybody in here is in agreement with that except the in-laws they're like it's not my fault you don't know her we had a good relationship with our son until she came into the picture okay back off we love you and your kind but you're clingy I'm saying what they want you to say and what they want you say what they want to say but won't say their only way one this works is when mom and dad back away and then this last piece o is Ecclesiastes I love the book of Ecclesiastes it's one book in front of the Song of Songs and it's a dark pessimistic book very much fits my personality chapter one life is hard chapter 12 then you die this is this is Ecclesiastes bookends but in the middle there's this section of Texas it's Ecclesiastes 9 7 through 9 and it says this go and eat your food with gladness and drink your wine with a joyful heart this geyser talks about alcohol a lot for now God favors what you do always be clothed in white and always anoint your head with oil so the first two verses they're seven and eight say it's okay to enjoy life and make sure you bring plenty of joy and festivity to the party and then look what it says in verse 9 endure life with your wife all your miserable days no I didn't know what they had that up there not because some of you if you weren't watching you were probably sitting back there going amen it's good this man speaks truth it's not what it says the only place in your Bible where it says enjoy life with your wife whom you love in other words you don't have to choose between life and a wife guys you can have both at the same time and and I think about the guy who's in a struggling marriage right now and he turns on the commercial for a harmony or match.com and I know those are geared towards singles but think for just a moment about a married guy in a stressed out marriage watching that commercial and thinking to himself I wish we could twirl around like that we don't enjoy life like that and you know why we never took a test never took a test we're not compatible we're not compatible and and and if I want to enjoy life again cuz he's sitting there gonna I'd like to enjoy life again the only way I'm gonna enjoy life again is with somebody I'm more compatible with less I'm crazy in love with my wife Amy Cunningham we ain't compatible I grew up independent fundamental premillennial King James Version only Baptist so I have a guilt prone nature okay my wife grew up Assembly of God so she's been set free in Jesus right she just there's nothing she doesn't understand guilt at all covered in the blood don't worry about it guilt boy you just need to know that are you even saved Jesus loves you I mean this is how she lives I see all signs on the road as laws to be followed you break one God stops loving you you go to jail she sees all signs on the road as suggestions for other people she's taught me how to cut people off in traffic just don't make eye contact with her keep your eyes down I grew up in a home that taught the different the savings was money that you put away for a rainy day she sees savings as the difference between the actual price and the sale price we don't agree on money holidays birthday celebrates all of that we're oh but let me tell you character is where great marriages start and where they grow and so if you're a note taker write this down character Trump's chemistry every time great marriages don't flow from compatibility as compatibility and chemistry important absolutely but character Trump's it you have to begin to work on on on the character issues in your life and my wife and I we just made the decision we're together we're gonna enjoy first seven years of our marriage were like most marriages when they hit that seven-year wall there was frustration there was difficulty but we just woke up one day and said you know what by God's grace we are gonna enjoy life together we just made that decision we've made the decision to enjoy life together and so one of the one of the values of the Cunningham home is every day we want to make sure we keep anger as low as possible and honor as high as possible honor means to esteem is highly valuable so we want to honor one another we unplug from one another's a source of life okay Amy's not my source we enjoy life together and a lot of marriage ministries have some sort of take on this message God gave you your spouse to beat you down and suck the life right out of you so you can be more like Jesus okay and and let me tell you the problem with that being the sole theological basis for your marriage here's the problem we call it in Bible study methods or hermeneutics we call it rule of first you have to see where did this subject occur for the first time in Scripture and when you see it in the Genesis account in the creation order what you see is companionship you see God giving a woman to a man for companionship and so what Amy and I we make the decision every day we're going to enjoy life together we're gonna have laughter in our home we're gonna have difficulties Ecclesiastes talks about it there's seasons in life there's time to be born and the time to die there's a time to mourn but there's a time to dance there's a time for sorrow but there's a time to laugh Psalm 90 verse 10 says seventy years you may have upon this earth 80 if you're strong but those years are filled with sorrow and anguish life can be very difficult but we've made the decision I'm Amy I don't want to turn you in to the grind I want you to go through the grind with me so what we've done is we've we've written our lyrics this is our duet I'm not a songwriter they don't rhyme but what I've done that it started off as what we called an honor list we just started listing all of the reasons I'm listening all the reasons why Amy is valuable and why I love her now it's turned into a fun-loving you list it's all the reasons why it's fun loving amy cunningham and i just list them all out when something new pops up i encourage you to go home get out a notepad put it on your ipad or your iphone whatever your mobile technology device is get it out start making the list if you're married write it out because what's important when Amy and I have a disagreement or a conflict or an escalated argument I pull out the list and then the goal when I'm when we're frustrated with each other's not to pull out the list and go I can't believe I said that see what oh that's not true anymore that's not the goal of the list the goal of the list is to be reminded these are our lyrics these are the lyrics of why Ted and Amy have committed to one another why we enjoy each other and if you don't mind that close our time tonight I'd like to share some of my lyrics about why I love my wife and why it's fun loving her just to help you get your list start and what you're gonna discover these lyrics there's some easy stuff on here that's the what I call the OE gooey stuff but then I've taken even the frustrating things and I've said I'm gonna find a way not to get angry and get my anger up here but I want to honor it I want to find the value and why God created her the way he did I'm not in charge of her I'm not responsible for her heart God is ultimately responsible for his I'm taking a hundred percent responsibility front and I serve and cherish my wife according to Ephesians pi and here's my list number one this is why it is fun loving Amy this is why I chose her this is why I choose her this is why I love the exclusivity of marriage Amy I love your all-or-nothing passion you do nothing halfway my wife is a passionate woman she's everything's like we don't do anything half-heartedly just everything's like you know and it's and their times I'm just trying to rest I get a get get into this conversation again where it's like whew I'll come home from a bad day at church man it was a bad today well let's quit move to Africa okay hey back it down a notch it was only like two bad hours we'll get a good night's rest everything will be better tomorrow but it's like not whatever oh yeah all right I love your disdain for directions you love letting me lead you couldn't care less how we were getting there I love your attention to detail now you see how I turned something negative into a positive because I used to come out early in marriage and there were these lists all over the kitchen counter of everything we were going to do today and it was right after I took a shower and I do all of my planning in the shower I mean I got the whole day lined up from the time I lead to the time I get home but now I've got this list and it used to be like nope she's keeping us organized keeping us organized there'll be time be walking out the door with the kids and she will say it's a kid you know hey we're gonna be gone for a while Ted you need to go potty hey listen I'm 39 and a half I'll go potty whenever I want to and I probably won't even tell you about it go all by myself I love your confidence you're secure and who you are as a wife and mom I love this one I love your lack of a people-pleasing gene you do not strive to meet the nonstop and at times excessive expectations of people place on you there are times I tell her shouldn't we care just a little bit what people think now hey that's just who we are then okay alright I just thought you know maybe we should wave as we cut them off and say sorry I love your priority of marriage you've eradicated the kids centered home and you place our marriage first I love your love for our son even though you need to stop calling him Pooh Bear you let him be all boy I love how you love our daughter Corinne you let her be her own person and personality in all of our pursuits which isn't easy because she's a tween in August and she's she does what a lot of tweens do they they they what is it called a demon-possessed isn't a call and there are times we just wait for her head to start spinning around but but we think that but what's really happening she's individualizing and separating in that something tweens mom I call it the freakout stage for parents because they're actually by the design of almighty gods separating from their parents becoming adults but we spend the next 20 years going you can't become an adult no you come back here because it starts when they go I want to pick my own clothes uh-uh I got a cute adorable little outfit for you got you right but it starts think about the little ways they start separating from us and we see that as a bad thing but it's really them becoming an adult moving from childhood to adulthood we're the ones that stop them it's interesting because 0 to 10 we didn't do that 0 to 10 we accelerated childhood milestones because of vanity parenting using our children's attributes and accomplishments to try to impress other people we we pushed our kids for the first 10 years of light like spurring on a horse mane go go go go go it's not it's not good enough that you read but we want my baby to read say who reading a school it's accelerated reading how fast can we get them through this and then at ten they start doing everything we train them do they start taking off and what do we do whoa oh now it's pulling back on the reins oh oh where do you think you're going and we move from vanity parenting the companion parenting we don't want to lose our buddies that was a total soapbox I just went on right there that's my parenting conference that I do I don't I'm looking for I don't even know where oh there was a point here I was talking about Korean Carson okay anyway I love your confidence in my expertise on everything you ask me questions believing I know the answers to everything from astrophysics to nuclear proliferation she'll say you want to watch a movie tonight I'd love to watch a movie we put the movie in and for my wife while watching a movie means is I'm gonna surf Pinterest and read a magazine at the same time because I'm the one that has to keep her up to date with the movie but two years later it just said two years later if you missed that part right there you're gonna be totally lost something will happen so hey what just happened there was an explosion on the space station a big chunk of metal broke off and it hit the space shuttle and now they're stuck in outer space well what are they gonna do I'm not an astronaut but I bet if we watch the movie they're gonna show us how to fix a broken Space Shuttle but she just thinks I just think you know we'll be driving down the road and they'll be doing construction what are they doing here oh I told them rip it up boys tired of the traffic pattern want a beer and write a little bit more like that when you do the pipe underground on with 12-inch corrugated under they're not 612 I mean this is but see now we're just having fun I love how you love to share I love when you say I don't want anything to eat I'll just take a bite of yours okay this is an important one ladies and if you're not married you got to write that this is so important that you remember this 2013 there's just not a lot of adventure left for men in the world anymore there's not so let him find his own parking space I know you're trying to be helpful but the way Almighty God designed it was when you point out a space it automatically disqualifies that space if my wife so much as looks at a space I Drive 20 spaces down and pull in and see she used to be like you stubborn stubborn man not anymore you know what she does now when I pull in because I'm this is what's going on in my brain I did this I provided this for my family and she leans over now and she starts massaging my bicep and she'll look at me and she'll go do you do this when I'm not with you yes I do you know what I caught her doing the other day and this came out in the parking lot she knows those Andes candies they give you at the end of an Olive Garden meal they're like crack to me I love those Andes candies well she bought a bag of them and she keeps them in her purse for when I do something good and you know what I caught her doing she reached in she pulled on me and I grabbed it as I'm opening up I realized my wife just gave me a treat she is rewarding my good behavior I am a dog I was ok with that I opened it up and I enjoyed it we enjoyed doing life together these are our these are our lyrics I love your spontaneity with 2 to 3 days notice you can cut loose and go with the flow I love how you protect me around hot things I can become 10 feet from the curling iron agent that I come near the store don't like again I'm 39 and a half I don't go up to stoves anymore and go hey hey I don't do that right now you're taking a good dose of medicine this is cheerful medicine I just want to encourage you as as as couples and his parents and singles you can probably identify with this that that our children Korean Carson they're our first backup singers they they listen to everything we say they see everything we do and then here's the important part they repeat they're watching they have a front-row seat to our marriages we can't we can't hide anything from them they listen they watch and they repeat my son and I one of our passions in life is watching YouTube clips together and just laughing one of his favorite YouTube clips is the German Coast Guard and this guy's being trained day one on the job German Coast Guard and a mayday comes in Mayday Mayday we are sinking we're sinking ah hello this is the German Coast Guard Mayday Mayday we are sinking we are sinking what are you thinking about and my son falls over laughing what what are they thinking about dad that's hilarious way we're driving down the road and I'm singing an old hymn few weeks later I was sinking deep in sin apart from the peaceful Shore and from the backseat I heard what were you thinking about and I realized just in the summer they do not forget anything can I just encourage you if you're new to late church I want you to know here's what I love about the heart of this church I was in the pre meeting this church desires to be a backup singer to your marriage single like I'm not married this church desires to be a backup singer to your marriage they desire to help you prepare you ROH watch you grow in Christ because second only to your salvation in Jesus is the decision you will make of who will be your spouse it's that important and they desire to rejoice and delight in you and to praise your love more than wine and to encourage you I want to encourage you go out of here support advocate for pray for speak blessing over the marriages all around you find a couple you don't know in a restaurant or at school this week go up to them and they're gonna think you're crazy trust me I get it all the time they're gonna feel like you're butting in but just say hey I just want to say I've been watching you from across the room I can tell you're in love and I want to say this is a good thing be an advocate for marriage be a great backup singer to the duets all around you would you pray with me

Channel: Late Church

Views: 7,752

Rating: 4.8285713 out of 5

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Id: xMsus0nqyLY

Length: 47min 11sec (2831 seconds)

Published: Wed May 08 2013