Mock The Week. Series 16: 13. Christmas Special 2017. BBC2. 20 December 2017

[Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome to Mock the Week i'm darian merry Christmas to you all enjoy you know l4v nokton and fellas navigate to all our friends in Europe we've taken back control of Christmas spend 350 million pounds on the special episode featuring outtakes unseen material and favorites hope you enjoy it and Merry breakfast meanwhile what's going on here you a lot of King Charles neither of you what's that lessee the Queen is stuck down a mineshaft don't throw their child having 40 bags with China Chinglish Chinglish it's called yes mistress designs are very common in China and the trans governors clamping down these are the kind of signs we're talking about and please don't be edible we take photographs exterior girdle food they are convention of different races coming together kind of a nice we looked up the translation of this one and then could not connect a translator service connect a translator service for all your needs in China this shows called mega bus man make har hard news okay transferred your answer is 49 years what is the question is it how long does it take to get home on the night bus now that ubers been suspended is it if you booked a two-week holiday flying Ryanair how long should you take off work just to make sure you know is it at what age will I finally be Beachbody ready at what point in the Hundred Years War did the general say come on let's nearly half way they know the actual correct yes wax it happened what's the world record for staying under a desk I'm gonna break now I think he means it yes the Hugh's face - just go [Laughter] [Laughter] then I won't get the record Derek you're okay you don't go through the pain I'll look ridiculous paper Milton you will struggle for continuity we really need you to come back you certify Walgreen we'd celebrate some Patrick's Day don't waste gold choose everyone - how long are we I actually quite like I just like to stay away that the no nose penguin is just if you don't go even for a second question yes are these your closest friends okay so we do our annual Christmas quiz what were the first ever Christmas crackers called well they called rolled up Christmas explosive paper thing yeah Christmas bang is very close they were called bangs of expectation by the cleanup of remorse bangs of expertise they were launched oil on the street maker called Tom Smith in 1860 Tom Smith died because two people pulled him in half you know that jingle bells was the first song to be played where it's my christening wasn't even the Christmas Bird was it no it wasn't even Christmas of my dad's favorite song no one said that no one said they were ridiculous [ __ ] versa was the first song to be played where in 1965 it happened to happen in 1965 but where is important case Oh jingle Belling written in 1965 played for the first time when what it's not the first time jingle bells plays sure it was the first song of any kind to be paid radio why not really Santa Claus his workshop was 67 oh Jesus I do I do once I talk about things he talked hours [Applause] first song ever to be played on the mega bus No any songs about saying but never felt Prada change them something like it in the orbit absolutely my first Christmas we ever had to buy it was in budgets and they had them all out on the pavement so I picked the best when there's one good one I got that I took it into budgets and had to go through all the aisles and then I was nearly at the tail and someone came up to me and said you are not supposed to bring them into budgets you've got to leave them out there and you take the bar code from the top of the tree and then you take this is really wrong what you've done so I took it all the way out again what the bar code off went in paid for it came all the way out and the tree got back in the budget and I could see the top of my tree like jaws yeah actually and then I had to follow the pine needles and I found the gut and it was a man with his two kids I'd say about five and seven you know the age where Christmas is everything yeah and I was like sir that's my Christmas tree and then he looked in his trolley and he went it's not your Christmas tree suppose that sure there's an you is it as well [Laughter] this mystery I already paid for it but yeah I guess we paid for this lasagna as well the Liz thank you is me I don't know why your site tracking of everything the design team is neither here nor that you made to take the barcode off the tree then you take it to the till and then you pay for it there and you picked a bit of the Sonia and you look at the back of it when just checking in to steal the barcode off my lasagna let's go and then the same member of staff came over and said to him you are supposed to actually take the barcode up and he's right he bought the tree is not yours so he handed me the tree pizza here's a tip fuel if someone is handing you a Christmas tree don't look their children in the eyes actually receiving the trees I saw that all sad and I was like that's why the star newsreel replay in a recent piece of footage featuring people in the news and that's huge to suggest what might be being said this was clip features the President of the United States oh my god who is this angler I know I said drop him whenever but I'm literally popping out to get a Christmas present for Kim jong-un he's going on it goes bang and it has his name on it so we have to be super quick so smile for the camera hashtag Statesman okay this is the fastest press conference in history and my microphone doesn't seem to be working down it no okay why would you delivery a Mexican Hutt make oh I do not like chili I do not like the little thing you do with the beef bloody me is that you listening in again nasty nasty nasty rain Millenia stop the rain I have to get ready for my speech ethics or practice okay now is the winter of my discontent so difficult to choose when you're so good at speechifying I'm better than Roosevelt died embedded in Kennedy I am better than Morgan Freeman Merry Christmas what reduce the wine lovers this festive season it's available in three flavors red white and the lame one don't match the Rose a and the dentists all homes should be having right now which is one of the bleakest things I've ever seen in my life kid kid kid sir words the first yeah kids happy Christmas what what Santa got you today yes every day you get anyone Simone up I mean Alex all across this country going what it's a chocolate calendar and then just hiding that in their lounge room yeah for sorry mummys drunk three days ahead together refilling the tiny bottle sparkly one [Music] [Applause] yes I'll do doing this some Sauvignon Blanc for yourself yeah why not because that's what the most Christmas one is where's the 24th done that's really forth cueing gum so you can get in the car without suspicion should have a little breathalyzer on the side is that screw-top champagne yes it is really classing so anyway yes I imagined ours gonna be very trigger-happy on the buzzer come later [Laughter] [Applause] next pitcher is having a square head signify its there's more sex lives and people with round head yes they say that square hated people are more likely to be on my faithful to be more yeah - no I feel sorry for you must have been getting it also weaker Perot beaker oh no chance mate with some square hey dude man you just gotta roll the dice that you [Applause] sexiness - never appear I salute we bows what Muniz gonna love it any he's gonna be like Mike how it create this because he's got one of the rest I've got a very angular head I don't know whether it's square or not it's my my nickname at school amongst many others one of them was snow plow [Applause] the rest of the peoples like good idea never taken cocaine and a friend of mine described me as wasting my nose my chin and my cheekbones if you pushed me through along the playground on a snowy day the chin would scoop up the snow and it would all funnel just purely theoretical would go your nose [Music] these programs about the news event right how our presents delivered children in the Catalonian region of Spain is it a saint if some say no it's a small Catalan man it's not this is coyote oh he is a Christmas log literally a Christmas log what he brings present what they do is they sit him down can be difficult it and the Catalan children sick they hit him with a little stick and they sing the song Pulag Pooh nuga hazelnuts and cheese curd if you don't poo well I'll hit you at a stick Pulag that's what they sing this is really gonna miss them the bankers and there are presents and toys like that is chateau slightly more likely you didn't specify little sure I think we got enough to worry about your shitload he's gonna build electronics in a sack idea for apples next product launch just Tim Cook because obviously for continuity in case we don't include the [ __ ] I've no idea why you never wanders I think this should be on I don't know why this especially is not on like the entire families don't gather around ten past three after the Queen is perfect we arrived out with a [ __ ] and trees seem to have received for Christmas and that is urgent need for a ragin piss he has been waiting since September while has been developed by scientists possibly the same one to make people more confident at work this is a coolness test yeah isn't it but the thing that really worries me about this is it's been developed by scientists right for whom coolness is whether or not you can maybe talk to a girl uncool scientists are you having a kid you go to cue that sets the same three for action space books me what scientists invented to carry out you that again with him I love that Teresa may is doing so badly that this is a chance for like stars from the past to get back in the limelight again now I'm just waiting for what Samantha braixen isn't that Boris Johnson's drag name please don't be funny about my mistake that means it'll be in the show first subject is unlikely things to hear on a history documentary that was early in other news according to scientists what does having a square head signifying massive sex drive yes accordionist what does having a square head signifying I think it's massive sex drive it is weird yeah massive normally large sector it's a different different answer to this one what initial plan for Corbin's arrival did organize a scrap you write a massive sex drive news because I answered that question early on that lets me know my Jokers edited out it's okay use it up as if you haven't just done the show and you're in there we won't kiss on the lips [Applause] just warming up a little so hi hi and then so you go to kiss me on back side and I go to get B we think we're gonna do a double kiss no hang on I'm sure the original thing to know qubits ruin history by the way has Britain made during this what a piece of history is Britain made not mumble when you're asking us questions please just answer questions if you go to mumble what piece of history did Britain make during this Twitter history yes we do you mean in what way did Britain make history is that please god how how well have domestic players performed at this tournament oh my god well they've made history they've made history now ladies you know what time it is Tempe for yourself a glass of wine light some candles cuz next up its Darrow brands go 8-bit [Applause] that is unlikely ad correct remaining in your a part of the French facing a shortage of questions indeed croissant why are they facing each other puzzles I'm doing that but they have wives I run out of butter because of Last Tango in Paris [Applause] okay then I will ask the most obvious question engine how can a Scandinavian child win a marzipan Pig at Christmas by killing someone and being turned into a scandi mwah detective you're in some pain and discomfort now this age I'd imagine so this person presents out my dick all right someone give me the shall I tell them they they they win the marzipan Pig in fact I will show you the marzipan Pig this is the marzipan Pig in question although obviously it's different for burgonia where it is there he is Michael go by finding a single almond the single rice pudding if you took this so it's this big sort of rice pudding a dessert that comes it and this one almond did it and one of these contains an almond nothing sugar since July so this commotion commotion around geez I'm not gonna put you into a shock when someone finds it just say it rather than [Applause] I found an almond I kind of taught as well but it's not being fully explained to me I'm and in one of these there was a bullet in - that's actually I think you tell them send a mop down I'll piss myself about two minutes [Applause] you have found the and and the stop feeling your food you found the almond therefore by all the great Norwegian traditions we present you with this marzipan pigs anymore thank you very much [Applause] in fact our biggest things you never hear at Christmas yeah I'll be chauffeuring a man all through December that's right I'm driving homes for Christmas be Christmas you bunch of Muppets Danny Dyer stars in a Muppets Christmas Carol well he's soaked in brandy let's get it lit and we can pretend she fell asleep watching telly the wise men were actually late for the birth because wise man Dora saw the star and wouldn't stop banging on about space for three no I think it's best for everyone this Christmas if we take Chris Rios car keys away no granddad I'm actually fascinated to listen to you talking about the Islamic faith you're so alive to its subtlety to nuances my goodness that's an enormous pile under the tree when did you have it removed granddad oh we're under the mistletoe I think you know I bet means I've locked us outside again heaven I know I love it when your parents come for Christmas I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling I can't believe this this many needles under the tree already we're really gonna have to talk to Grandma about her heroin habit Wow Abbas greatest hit oh no it's a video of assassinations by PLO leader Mahmoud Abbas [Laughter] okay sure on Senate right okay two words okay yeah you're gonna the whole thing okay that race the human centipede grandma stop you that boy tell me what day is it what sir it's the first day of the DFS sofa sale things you wouldn't read in a romantic novel he pressed his lips to hers and slit his tongue in that's not how you're supposed to do it shouted the other paramedic you kissed her breast tenderly she said get your own KFC bucket is the most eligible bachelor in the county said mrs. Bennet and he's hung like a [ __ ] car horn everything was in place the bubblebath had been poured the chocolate was there the scented candles had been lit this was going to be the best wank we put the chocolates down besides her silence and then at last she spoke unexpected item in the baggie [Applause] she had never had a menage tois before let alone with two famous brothers they drove her wild all night with their cries of to me to you [Applause] so if you looked absolutely beautiful in her flowing wedding dress admittedly it was an odd choice to wear on a first date Oh mr. Darcy you're so becoming really he replied because I think it's you that will be coming [Applause] I want to see you she's in this bin [Applause] don't fulfill the criteria that's one for the Christmas special festival in there at the end when they left the bar she saw him in a new light daylight and he was disgusting goodbye Merry Christmas off of us Markovic I've wonderful Christmas goodbye [Applause] Merry Christmas the happy penguin for [Applause]

Channel: Ovid

Views: 1,390,769

Keywords: Mock the week, Christmas Special

Id: R4ackjRZLBs

Length: 30min 46sec (1846 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 20 2017