Mock the Week, S16, E11. Ed Gamble, Milton Jones, Miles Jupp, Nish Kumar, Felicity Ward. Oct 2017

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] welcome to Mock the Week I'm Darryl Greene and joining this week our nish Kumar Felicity Ward and Edie gamble Mars job Hugh Dennis and Milton Jones we start with a round called picture of the week I showed the panel of topical image and asked to tell me what's happening so what's going on here is the leader of the Conservative Party pointing at to resume is he pointing the way to the dole queue which way it is to [ __ ] creek it's Boris saying look at that top T over there not you she looks like when you get to the tail at Nando's but then you forget what your friend wanted [Applause] or is she wearing camouflage in case she has to escape through the sewers has he just done that trick where you tap someone on the shoulder on the opposite side and then look away [Applause] he's so would ya is Theresa May saying she's got one of those mum mouth and she's doing the one more word out of you I'm gonna make You ambassador of Bongo Bongo where is he saying now under this one I've got Java and then under my left there's Africa I wanted to see if we can smell the difference doing actually tells what exactly it is yes that is a picture of Theresa May who is the prime minister of this country Oh Boris Johnson who is the foreign secretary of this country sitting in chairs yes this is a recent picture of Prime Minister's resume I'm Zachary Forrest Johnson ahead of this week's Conservative Party conference the conference is overshadowed by rumors of leadership challenges and rifts in the party did you follow the conference you're watching the great Tories of our time are you I don't understand why the Tories have fair conference in Manchester because that is like labour holding theirs in Tunbridge Wells holding it in anywhere that has a university I mean she's being this sort of number of people now who are sort of vying for a job the sort favourites of the minute of Boris Johnson Jacob Riis MOG and David Davis which is essentially the world's most difficult game of shag marry kill he is the Foreign Secretary and he called Africa a country I mean in turn I'm sure that Africa called him a similar word much shorter because during the week he said all right we stand by every single word she said and it's like may this projects like a supply teacher a replacement teacher and barus is the boy who starts the humming [Applause] simply just lightly undermining she tried to say she understood what people had been through on the electoral campaign her MP's because she's been on it before and she add that quote had to make lasagna for a hundred people I think she'd know she's leaving and that's her application to do Celebrity MasterChef - I don't know if you guys are the same but I feel really uncomfortable when I see a Tory apologize and take responsibility it just doesn't sit right you know I don't know it's like when you're an adult and your mum's boyfriend buys your present at Christmas for the first time and you just look at it you're like don't do this man like it just makes you look weak roll with these things it had lots of sort of people having a go at her this week in the run-up anything and then she says I you know I I don't think strong leaders surround themselves with yes men which is a for a clever response to lots of people strong leaders surrounds as by people who hate what you do surround themselves with plotters who hate undermining me [Music] [Applause] [Music] you cannot believe you all do that you're excited we have a good time I think this calls to sack Boris Johnson but I've always wondered how do you sack a par boiled potato what you do is you actually kind of shake it and hang and then I didn't mean to be racially insensitive there [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] they'll hush welcome to show Felicity have you managed to hold on to Prime Minister Australia for more than a week she's forgotten who she is but business like these happen to me because I just found this on the desk is it for me in case I forget who I am doing yeah probably just bringing in toys I don't know what happened here but my one says Tess I'm sure we got a Rama Shawn somewhere [Applause] you could introduce it their party conference which happened is do black people yep this is the new one this is the lion they chose which just has an oyster lion but it just has an unfortunate kind of a [Music] because that's because the you Kip support just told it it has to go back to [ __ ] [ __ ] so it's already [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] just it's really down it looks like it's just got a dart in the ass doesn't it's just I'm actually from Africa there why is the line ever assonate to the UK blyer you kept having a line is like the Kenyan flag having Paul chuckle on it worse that's the Premier League it's a Premier League round if it's really upset the Premier Li not surprisingly but you wonder whether it's deliberate actually they're hoping that they'll get a massive Tanabe right steel for covering the new Kip conference so if you keep her in the Premier League what if they get into Europe a new group our labor hoping to win the support of the Conservative Party yes just grab them then have a seat is it controlled play it no fans isn't it cuz it's people over 47 oh what's that too much for you can't wait [Laughter] [Applause] older people and old people apparently bitter people change from labor to conservative anything is now 47 apparently yeah they want to they want to attract more voters over 47 or as you could call them the youth of votes Jeremy Corbyn spent so long trying to get the youth vote by saying that he liked crime and now he's got a turnaround to the older older people and go good terrible racket that isn't it when Dizzee Rascal was just a scoundrel he spun round a lot and labor Ward's in hospitals are full of young kids other news what has been there Elon Musk hope to achieve in less than 30 minutes he has said that he's going he's got Rockets he thinks we will travel from city to city by rocket you can get to New York in 30 minutes and I feel like I first heard that story when I was 10 years old and decades later we still have Ryan in New York is that that's no no because the rocket will also Adam ours oh that's Mars yeah this is what you want a science guy in it yeah New York and Mars get that the mood that's the moon yeah I know it's the moon because you can see it's just behind the moon [Applause] [Music] teach me more about science where to begin tell us more about if you can get your lips of Brian Cox's bar [Applause] if you can tell me how I can get my lips on his the robots target everything everything is mozzies just a rock can you imagine how boring that journey would be just surrounded by wealthy geology nerds like I know it's sedimentary for three hours why did you come a mystery a true around Venice you go to America now having a bike or a Segway short interstellar travel is already thing because space hoppers I used to work in a space hopper showroom as a bouncer we play around car put your Johnson away I don't want to see it this game involves Milton so if you could make your way to the forest area please this rounds the sound of challenge I launched the wheel of news and wherever it chooses to stop one of our performers will step forward and talk about that subject okay here we go let's spin the wheel and first hopping is music cores commit I like heavy metal music yeah none of you believe me that's fine I do not look like I like heavy metal music I don't have a heavy metal face I have what is known as a Coldplay face that's what I've got drink it in basic [ __ ] Indy white man face that's me I'll go metal heads don't trust me that I can't go to the gigs because I look like an undercover Mormon on a conversion mission they're like I'm gonna start sneaking up behind people in the crowd going hey pretty rockin band right yeah you know who else was rockin Lord Jesus Christ I love the guitarist's look long hair and a beard you know who else had long hair and a beard again Lord Jesus Christ our Savior with this erotic Oh head-banging yeah no cool I do head-banging too but what I do it it's the get rid of gay thoughts can't go to the gigs as well because I don't know how to do the things that everyone does in the gigs I feel out of place have you metal gates everyone does this as a sign of the beast the sign of the devil it shows you part of the community I've never done that before I feel too self-conscious but I went to a gig recently got brave enough to go there suddenly my arm shot up in the air oh my god I'm doing it I'm actually joining in for the first time I looked up and what my hand was actually doing was this it's not the sign of the beast there's an uncle saying the burgers already at a barbecue that's wise that leaves us with Milton lothario topic is I spin the wheel and Sofia's school so I went up to a fruit stool the other day and behind it was my old maths teacher he didn't recognize me so can I help I said yeah if apples are 75 paise so now he just looked Samiran I thought I know it was PE wasn't it music teachers Oh a rubbish and they could only count to four and then they try and distract you with some music I would work teacher would always say my door is always open would say still not fixed it went back to my old school the other day it was weird being back there the smell of varnish the echo of the science room memory of the fire engines anyway I was shown into the Phoenix Hall which wasn't there in my day my old math teacher said to me Jones how did you do it I said I used that old formula me times I can he said is that why you're dressed as a Mexican [Applause] this is the answer what is the question on the border six categories see which category like I trained its board please okay Kennedy's transferred your answer is 49 years what is the question is it how long does it take to get home on the night bus now that ubers been suspended yeah if you book a two-week holiday flying Ryanair did you take off work just to make sure you know is it at what age will I finally be Beachbody ready how long before Tigers are extinct if we keep eating all the frosties what age do you start thinking maybe they should go back to where they came from is it at what point in the Hundred Years War did the generals say come on lads nearly halfway is it the number of years since 1968 see you're not getting the spirit in there what's the name of the extended album version of Craig David seven days they know the actual correct yes where exit happen is it what's the world record for staying under a desk I'm gonna break now I think he means it yes Hughes face - just go then I won't get the record Derek you're okay you don't go through that okay I'll look ridiculous paper Milton you will struggle for continuity we really need you to come back Walgreen we'd celebrate some patrick's day Latika to the Christmas don't waste old shoes everyone is he answer how long the wheel [Applause] yeah God why don't you how long have Manik being an airline indeed it is thank you very much how many years of monarch airlines operate for before went into administration this week the airline the UK is fifth biggest the country's largest ever to collapse ceased trading where there were 100,000 customers needing to be brought back home in the UK's largest peacetime repatriation yes Monica's got after 49 years yeah I'm parenting the many excuse given for losing money is it really invested a lot in bunting with happy 50th anniversary monarch and people who were really upset with the royal family because they woke up to the headline monarch goes into administration Charles actually saw the headline monarch collapses and got really excited it is yes it has and a hundred thousand people are left stranded yeah sorry for all those who thought that their holidays were at all protecting and it turns out they're not protected quick give yourselves a round of applause [Applause] the delivery what's really odd about this repatriation though is they're saying it's incredibly difficult logistical e and they're thinking of hiring planes from Qatar Airways and all that comes you have and you're thinking well why not use the monarch another fine use what an easyJet announced recently electric electric planes are a dreadful if you think about how noisy an electric hand dryer is I enjoy certain how much noise it makes you to half dry your hands and you've got sugar it was one on the door have you done that for Zuma bleep the electric planes are possible now aren't they but it's just the extension lead set so it's gonna be they're gonna be like batteries aren't they yeah they can be battery-powered play yeah well how are they gonna get a return journey cuz someone will leave the plane charger in their hotel room just had the announcement attention easy jet passengers does anyone have a charger for a Boeing seven by the old charger why do you think that the white when you want don't that's the a380 iPhone batteries just got 12% left is this gonna get us to Madrid [Applause] we really need electric plates don't we cuz planes of massive polluters it blows my mind that we haven't all got electric cars as standard because it does feel a bit like well one of them is killing people and the other one isn't like if you went to a cake shop and they were like this cake has poison in it and this one has not poisoned you'd go now I'm gonna go with the lot of fun what does the poison have chocolate chocolate poison was my wrestling name [Applause] all the way from the east never wanna see you in a unitard very hairy unitard was actually my wrestling [Laughter] my wrestling name is Hugh [Applause] now we can - seems we'd like to see so if everyone can make the way over to the performance area I agree the district's topics and then we'll see what our panelists can come up it okay here we go the first subject is unlikely things - here over at an oi with over jeans please report to the Virgin check-in desk if you have any excess baggage please report it to a trained guard if you have any emotional baggage just report to Tina she's a really good listener welcome to home base we particularly welcome our staff from Guantanamo Bay we hope you'll feel at home dressed in orange and being asked questions you don't know the answers to Ryanair are pleased to announce that the refund at all canceled flights can be picked up from the monarch check-in desk my name is tan or Dave and I'm here to say I'm really bored at work have yourself a great day and to the parents of the lost little boy Timothy we have found him so now see chance to make your escape he really is a little [ __ ] isn't he welcome everyone to Weight Watchers it really doesn't matter how many pastries past tries do you pass would someone with a camera please come to the tannoy room or I've set on the microphone and I'm literally talking out of mine [Applause] if you look out the left window of the train you'll see the sea and if you look out the right window you'll see the sea oh god where the scene [Laughter] bing-bong could the person who's stolen the ping-pong machine attention shoppers we have a young man who says he's lost I mean he's 45 he just needs some career advice with the man in the red speedos doing the front crawl uh playing for please stop this is a bowling alley I don't wish to upset or worry anybody but do we have a doctor on board or failing that a pilot this is the captain of this ship speaking last night we were attacked by a giant blind space monster I fired a laser at it but unfortunately it's cured its eyesight [Applause] would the owner of a Landrover please realize you live in a city have no need for an off-road vehicle and everyone hates you we have illuminated the seatbelt sign which means seatbelt man will be here very soon [Laughter] southern rail would like to apologize for the fuck-me there's one coming due next up again and likely lines from a blockbuster movie now Mr Bond I don't expect you to talk I expect you to die of the many STDs you've contracted Jesus man but Johnny are fear sorest the movie the film the flick that's mad max those are his brothers sad max bad Max and Glenn man and whizzes a fella restarted at all dad max you might well be a blade on the Rhine but in this house we do not run with scissors not only do I transform from a truck into a robot I also do Next Day Delivery my name is Optimus Prime are you trying to seduce me I just work here man do you want the free coke with the mail deal or not you want to return the Jedi of course credit note give you I will whoever you are I will find you and I work I'm so sorry I think I've got the wrong number frozen the tragic tale of pensioners confused by gas tariffs my name's bond Tony bond James his brother don't have a license to kill but I've got one to drive a forklift but apparently that doesn't come for anything does it long dr. strange you say how strange on a scale of Zeus to Shipman imagine a world where monkeys have given up tobacco planet of the vapes so bond this is your cover working in this opticians it's called for for eyes only good god the dead oh no it's Tory Party conference sorry this is spider-man homecoming and like most teenage boys spider-man's at homecoming go ahead make my voice higher [Applause] my mama always said to me life is like a box of chocolates something that you panic by at a service station on the way to visit relatives don't get me in our time I'm the Cockney Avenger any old iron man I missed if god of loss why is no one else dressed up dressed lucky [Applause] and at the end of the show kisses has our hitch pin lock pretty water commiserations in March of 2010 Jaya Bhagu it's an arm darling good night [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: Ovid

Views: 377,246

Keywords: Dara O'Briain, Hugh Dennis, Ed Gamble, Milton Jones, Miles Jupp, Nish Kumar, Felicity Ward, Mock the Week

Id: 2U4s17wejeA

Length: 30min 59sec (1859 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 01 2018