Mock the Week S19 E11 (4 Feb 21). Maisie Adam, Angela Barnes, Ed Gamble, Glenn Moore, Ahir Shah.

[Music] i read about the things that happened throughout the world into the world [Music] hello and welcome to mockup i'm darien joining this week are ed gamble maisy adam and aher shah glenn moore hugh dance and angela barnes this is the last episode of the current series we'll be back in may but it may be who knows the last time we do a show encased in perspective we can only dream it may be the last time that we get to stare into the homes of our viewers and we genuinely will miss our zoo bodies hello simonias how are you [Applause] and i know i've never said this before but actually you see only 50 of the audience there's another about 450 people on zoom who are too ugly to show you yes stay under your bridge stay under your bridge we start out with a round call if this is the answer what is the question on the board are six categories ah which category would you like uh may have world news please dora an excellent start your topic is world news the answer is 40 million what is the question is it how many people did my mother want to invite to my sister's wedding is it since last week's episode how many tweets have i had asking how's life in the dirt is it um since last week's episode how many times have i watched the clip of angela falling over is it um in celsius what body temperature did i fail to disclose to the producers this evening is it how many times has boris johnson told to piss off in scotland is it what was a totally normal number of times to cry in 2020. is it how many times will chris whitty say next slide please before someone just buys him a clicky pointer [Music] if the government have a rule of six what rule does rita ora have how many copies of richard osmond's thursday night murder club did i get bought for christmas is it how many years ago did the dinosaurs go oh somebody's coming [Laughter] is it how many meters do i legally have to stay away from holly willoughby how many people landed at heathrow airport before someone said hey do any of you have coronavis you should check that out you should check that how many shares did i mistakenly buy in the judy dench memorabilia company domestop is it how many melanias are lying in an unmarked grave can we can we move towards a correct answer please is it how many additional vaccines of astrazeneca promise to send the eu yes that's absolutely right thank you very much to you yes the question i was involved how many doses of the oxford astrazeneca covert 19 vaccine will now be delivered to the european union this is the news of following a bitter dispute over a vaccine shortage the pharmaceutical company astrazeneca has agreed to supply the eu with an additional 9 million doses by the end of march taking a total of 40 million however this is well short of the 80 million doses that originally been agreed i've gone number blind there's so many though now there's so many there's like astrazeneca modern fad and they all sound like um cars from the 70s that my dad reminisces about like oh our first date i took your mum to scarborough in the astrazeneca you were very impressed weren't you loved are they all yeah amazing you're really the eu have been complaining that they don't have enough of the vaccine but also saying that the vaccine doesn't really work so we're in this odd situation where they're going to us we'd like more of your vaccine which is [ __ ] by the way we just do it like sainsbury's do it can't we say we're sending them the vaccine and then when it doesn't arrive say oh sorry we didn't have any in the end so we've substituted it for a flu jab from 2015 and a strawberry yogurt i think we should be slightly self-congratulatory because it's basically the the problem is that we got our estrogenic vaccine and europe didn't and that credit to the government for signing up to amazon prime you certified britain certified first uh in europeans and then put the orders in first earlier than the eu did and so now the eu is in the unfortunate position of competing with britain on cueing uh and they are not emotionally built for it i mean a little bit fed up of all the i know yeah great we've got a really good vaccine program and everything and the government you know deserve a bit of praise i suppose for getting it to the level they've got it up you have to remember that we wouldn't need such a good vaccine program if they hadn't screwed up so badly in the first place it's a bit like a cabbie taking you the quickest route to weigh your knee after he's violently mugged you yeah it is it is an interesting result yes the vaccine plan has been it's been the third best rollout in the world uh vaccine so far combined with the worst death rate in the world so there is an element of like in the long run we'll win the game but in britain we'll win it 5-4 i do to a certain extent feel for the european union because no one enjoys watching their ex thrive immediately started like it took extreme action do you want these extreme action that they took was they threatened to trigger articles 16. yes article 16. i know i'm just trying to trigger all of our greatest fears they almost come alive with that vote and what does artillery 16 do it's basically we're going to build a wall and donna goal's going to pay for it yeah i want you to ask one question which is um on that one the one that's in the top corner how have you what what special filter have you got that makes you look like a 1970s northern irish paramilitary prisoner this is the high price of british occupation uh in northern ireland it was i mean it was fine in here because the eu then just did like an immediate u-turn but hopefully they drive over there it was macron wasn't it who basically sort of went calm down not in a liver puddle if anything that would that would have escalated things again i shall appeal to them i shall do one of their voices in france they're not really that because vaccine uptake's not great in france for a start it's very difficult to vaccinate a french person because they're always shrugging and um secondly unless unless if you're a french man unless you've got three active stis you're very much seen as a coward macron's exact words were and i hope i'm getting it right [Laughter] and then a big wind came away oh um yes uh macron decided to calm things down by basically saying that the vaccine was [ __ ] anyway no we don't we don't even want your stupid vaccine then if you're gonna be like that schoolboy there's also one there's also one called a new one this week called val never do you know what i think they missed a trick they missed a trip with the val neva they should have cooked it's been made in scotland they should have called it they'll never take our freedom do you know how many um how many doses of vaccine have been bought by the uk 900 million it's like 357 million there's like i mean there is a point you have to keep your mind you know there's only like 65 million people here you do seem to be very much the toilet roll hoarder one in each arm and one up the butt dog the british government is just having thing off shelves and all of them all of them like at some point is going to find themselves they're going to be vaccinating us four times each five times how many companies are there makers there's novavax as well which is in t side and i like novavax because it's got the word vax at the end and i like when medical companies put a little clue as to what it's about but when you get a diarrhea medicine it's called like bowel or turdacist means when the sun shines out of your arm i'm gonna get the russian one because i rely on the russians to be able to put chemicals into her body and for it to work 100 in other news how have some troublemakers been breaking lockdown rules oh so many ways oh so many ways my favorite is the guy who said he got fined for going to a brothel in a lockdown and i was like it's illegal anyway we have them we have covered marshalls down on um i live in brighton and they're down on the seafront looking for people who aren't from the same household to to tell off and i um they were they were going up to loads of cook like young couples going to youtube from the same household and me and my boyfriend were walking along and i was genuinely quite offended they didn't ask us because i thought i thought we were still in that sort of early phase where we looked sort of um you know exciting but clearly we were giving off the vibe that we'd lived together we're very settled and i just had an argument about whose turn it was to unload the dishwasher either that or even even worse maybe they could have looked to you and gone brother and sister listen i know what i like and i like what i know it's all legal in depth okay at the end of that round the point's going to add maisie and aher [Applause] now we play round calls are you ready for your inoculation this game involves glenn and maisie so if you could make your way to the performance area please this round is the stand of challenge i launched the wheel of news and whoever chooses stuff one of our formers must step forward and talk about that subject okay here we go our first topic please it's health who wants to come in that's amazing um i'm going to share something about myself that i've never said on this show before it's a little bit personal we're gonna get a bit vulnerable um you're looking very worried now on the zoom crowd like i'm gonna be like um and finally is this normal no uh no uh i'm gonna say that um i am epileptic yep mood dropped didn't it mood mood mood dropped to the floor as did i when i had my last seizure um epileptic i i got diagnosed at 14 years old but the kind of seizures i was having at 14 weren't what you think of what i think most people think of when they hear the word seizure a lot of people hear that word and they think of sort of like flashing lights convulsing on the floor foaming at the mouth that wasn't me okay the kind of seizures i was having at 14 looked like this disclosure you can laugh ready [Laughter] once more for there [Laughter] question how many 14 year olds have you seen at the height of puberty occasionally go so when i got diagnosed at 14 the doctors were like oh you've probably been epileptic since you were 10 just everyone thought you were rude i swear i remember having an argument with my dad i remember having an argument with my dad before we all knew that i was epileptic and my dad was going to my mum jill if she rolls her eyes at me one more time i will send her to her room but she didn't know i was epileptic either she was going philip go easy on her it's a difficult time forest is hormonal it's puberty right meanwhile i was in the middle giving it proper bran stark like uh actually guys [Music] another one um on and after too many times of that happening for it to just be me being sassy we went to go and get a diagnosis at least general infirmary and i was diagnosed by this neurologist and then also in the room was this nurse jan and jan was there in like a pastoral capacity to make sure i was okay about it um but together these two they were like a sketch right he had the doctor he had i kid you not the worst wig i have ever seen in my entire life right it was terrible it was slipping down his head whilst he was diagnosing it you imagine someone telling you you're epileptic and the entire time their hair piece is slipping down so obviously my i was watching it so my eyeliner was a little bit above his and i remember him being like are you having one now maybe no i'm watching your hair do a runner and then jan jan was lovely she was a proper leads last but she was lovely and she said to me she went and i know it's not ideal time and is it may is they've been 14 and diagnosed with epilepsy uh i said um no not really jan uh she went but what were you being 14 you'll be wanting to start a family soon at which point my mother had a seizure thank you very much crazy adam that leaves us with glenn let's see what your topic is spin the wheel it's relationships i got dumped before the uh first lockdown and it was fine it was fine i got over it in the best way possible took myself on holiday spent a bit of time cruising down the west coast of america san fran uh which is of course french for without francesca no it's horrible i got done by email and the worst thing was i was only ceced into it so it was just awful i um it's her loss really she's now dating a guy who's got knuckle tattoos that say hate and uh inbreeding i think the issue was she was out of my league i remember asking a friend of mine before i asked her i said do you reckon she likes me and he was like does she like you does she [ __ ] was on okay that's gonna be my next question but um no cause she was out on my league because you know she was charming she was charismatic i come across like i was breastfed until well into my teens and she was she was sophisticated you know she was physically she was posh scottish um if you don't know what posh scottish is a posh scottish is when you slow down for every fancy word you know just to really show off about how many fancy words you know uh it's something in the last few weeks that i have uh ascertained i find when you date someone who's out of your league you start to panic you sort of think have i ever stretched myself have i taken things too far have i [ __ ] enough more than i can poo and so when she when she eventually dumped me i started to think well why did she break up with me is it problems with me is it because i'm not assertive enough i'm not not i'm not particularly assertive in bed i realized in bed i'm about as assertive as i am with taxi drivers it's very much a case of just anywhere around here it's great i'm probably the only person thanks ever had to be reminded during sex that were a shoes off house uh i didn't understand why we broke up but i don't understand many things in life i don't understand why people date i don't understand why people break up i don't understand what the meaning of life is i don't understand why they decided to call it naked attraction and not who wants to see a willie on air thank you very very much you're done point therefore amazing close it down our next round is called picture of the week i show the panel topical image and ask them tell me what is happening so what's going on here is this is this the new scottish delicacy of deep-fried water she melted down the lib dems is this an image from the popular children's book where's pineapple is she saying if you had enough of eaten mess well try some scottish custard i think she looks like the one nice dinner lady you know the one that'd be like oh you know you're not allowed sickens your cheeky monkey is it uh i think it's a revenge attack it's not actually custard it's white sauce that alex hammond has pissed him she about to find out that you're supposed to keep the vaccine at minus 70 degrees lovely it's just nice to see what happened to the dad from billy elliot yes that's amazing that's that's actually a scottish twelve-year-old he's chewing up for seconds i'll tell you what she's in red and she's exactly as christa burr imagined her and you know the correct answer is nicholas sturgeon yeah thank you all of you yes absolutely right yes it is yes this is first move to scotland nicholas sturgeon the scottish national party has signaled this week that scotland could hold a second independence referendum by christmas the snp said that the vote could be held six months after hollywood passes a referendum bill in june are we excited for another independent way i've i've been waiting to get back to normal how life was before the pandemic i want to go to the pub i want to hug my nan and i want a divisive referendum that splits the country into excellent it's the british wreck it really is yeah is it how many seconds late am i for this joke she she coaxed boris by saying that he was frightened of democracy but um maybe maybe we should be frightened of democracy like that's how we got trump it's how he got brexit honey g it's not it's not particularly controversial to say that boris is frightened of democracy bearing in mind in the last general election he hid in a fridge the only reason he's not doing that now is they're full of astrazeneca she quoted a burns poem when she cooked spoilers she quoted a burnt bone she said coward timorous beastie what are panics in thy breasty which literally means calm your tits the thing is if scotland leave then whales will leave northern ireland will leave and then it's like the sugar babes at that point they'll all get together and then form their own band it's gonna be disaster but also it's gonna change the union jack so the real loser in all this is jerry honeywell yes bars arrived scotland uh bringing gifts from kent i hear your numbers are quite low not anymore he said let me talk to lugi into the face of whoever's standing beside him did you think in this in this particular picture that greg wallace would be appalled [Laughter] i mean you know he always wears a hair net doesn't he is he that's a vaccine and like the thought of taking one of those scotch viruses and finding one of bars's hairs [Applause] stop in other news what setback as donald trump suffered ahead of his upcoming impeachment trial trump lost his entire legal team do you have any idea how morally reprehensible you have to be for lawyers to leave yes he has now had to scrape the bottom of the moral barrel to get a new legal team there's a lawyer who refused to prosecute bill cosby right there's a lawyer who was going to defend jeffrey epstein and presumably the rest of the legal team is just the hyenas from lion king apparently even robert kardashian's hologram has turned him down meanwhile i have health officials in beijing increase the accuracy of their cover tests they've started using anal swaps they have now what it is is so with the mouth swap so with the mouth what you do is you keep going until it hits your tonsils i mean the anal one you keep going until it hits your tonsils let me just explain we're not going to leave this picture for long but yes it is an anal swab and there is instructions to yeah look you get you take we can take the picture now i think i think we've got the gentleman just a bit there i need to check something because we're tested every week to do this show are you telling me our tests weren't a norse one they weren't intended to be able to flop many many medical issues not least if the covert exists in that part of the body is it possible therefore to fart group it at people is that yeah no that has never done it with any of the christmases it's a hoax though isn't it i can't believe people are falling for the anal swab thing i'm gonna have to start breaking out my federal boob inspectors well i like my on the instructions it says that you have to um pardon me for this but you have to insert it and then then twist it several times and i'm like it's like you're being wound up i thought if they do that to me i'm good as soon as the nurse stops i'd just start going would you not be tempted to do the dick van dyke dan no i quite like the idea that they just swirl it around in a move they call randy floss i just keep imagining them doing doing them at one of those drive-through the window centres moving a huge disappointment and that's one of the reasons i wanted the picture taken down is that it turns out my tattoo means anal swap at the end of that round the boys go to ed [Applause] now we come to scenes we'd like to see so if everyone can make their way over to the performance area i'll read out this week's topics and then we'll see what our panelists can come up with okay here we go the first subject is things you wouldn't hear in a history documentary well i'm afraid due to cgi budget constraints this series of walking with dinosaurs is just this [Laughter] i'm professor robert winston and you join me at the royal albert hall in the search for a legendary artifact this is hitler's other ball henry the secretary of state during the nixon administration sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g and in ancient greece they used to put a coin in dead body's mouth so when they got to the afterlife they could get a trolley now unfortunately we don't know anything about this period of history because someone pulled down one statue of a racist it's february and my boyfriend won't let me put the heating on this is the real cold war and i'm delighted to be the first museum animatronic of a blacksmith to host a history documentary and this inhabitant of pompeii used his final seconds to hold up a sign that says all tv historians are dicks right which one of the camera crew did this before his victory in 1066 he was known as william the the bronze age the third best age now as we all know the battle of hastings occurred in 1066. oh my god that's my pin number [ __ ] if it's live this has been described as dinosaur poo and that's one of the best reviews of this history program divorced beheaded died divorced beheaded survived we've all got our own way of remembering the sugar babes [Music] after treating the body and wrapping it in bandage they travel home and pretend they've had nothing done in turkey now the ancient egyptians believed that the sun crossed the sky in a golden chariot [ __ ] idiots welcome to another documentary about the nazis how have you not made your mind up the black plague was actually ended by the great fire of london so you join me setting fire to a 5g mast the next topic is unlikely things to hear on the radio you're listening to radio 3. well done [Music] i quite like astrazeneca drives really well you're listening to motoring today on dip fm and now a documentary in which we look at the outmoded sexual mores of the carry-on films this is radio 4. and now it's chilled out relaxing songs to send you off to sleep here on drive time you're listening to jazz fm it's about the listeners we don't have [Laughter] you're tuned in to the number one most listened to radio station in the uk right now today it is hospital radio that was this week's number two gotta fill three stone lighters and this week still at number 10 he he's still at number 10. and in about 15 seconds time we'll be coming towards the end of the minute silence and as we approach the summer months my advice is just to shave it all off you're listening to lady gardner's question time oh 800 it's going to be underneath your neighbor's wheelie bin this is the hermes shipping forecast and now gavin williamson tells us how to run a major government department in i'm sorry i haven't a clue oh dear a lot of angry callers today and let me say if you want to talk about the premier league there is a place for you to go but if you want to chat about your love of fortified wine join us here on talksport today's calling topic is what do you do when your phone is broken uh no one's got in touch so far but uh and for the next two hours on lbc it's white noise nick ferrari now people say the days of pirate radio and rock and roll are over but i'm here to bring them back i've had two lamp zips here's scouting for girls here are the news headlines nothing's happened yet it's four in the morning go back to bed today's phoning is about anxiety at work do you ever feel that when you're doing your job there's five people waiting behind you ready to take your stuff at the end of that round the boy is going to end maisy [Applause] [Music] and that's the end of the show this week's winners are ahead of maisie adam and ed gamble communications to angela barnes hudez and glenn moore thank you for watching all to this most unusual series of mock the week that's it for now but we'll be back in may we'll see you then i'm darbrayn good night [Applause] [Music] comic liam williams challenges himself to be the next mega star vlogger press red to watch bbc threes please like on iplayer now foreign

Channel: Ovid

Views: 551,553

Keywords: Maisie Adam, Angela Barnes, Ed Gamble, Glenn Moore, Ahir Shah., Mock the Week, Dara O Briain, Hugh Dennis

Id: _ENYJhOVHj8

Length: 31min 25sec (1885 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 04 2021