MITCH HEDBERG - FUNNIEST STAND-UP - R.I.P.

all right next guest was I headed to Just for Laughs comedy festival in July he's working on his own series for Fox Time magazine spotlighted him as one of comedies fastest rising talents and he's a fabulous comic folks I know you're gonna love him please welcome Mitch Hedberg thank you thank you this is all right this is uh five minutes of my act all right all right this shirt is dryclean only which means it's dirty all right you're not into me yet you will be hopefully by five minutes I got into an argument with the girlfriend inside of a tent that's a bad place for an argument because I have tried to walk out and slam the flap how are you supposed to express your anger in this situation zip her it up really quick I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut I don't need a receipt for a doughnut man I'll just give you the money you give me the doughnut hand of transaction we don't need to bring ink and paper into this I just cannot imagine a scenario where I'd have to prove that I bought it doughnut come on now don't stop don't start liking me now all right I can't wait to the set is over because I have a roll of lifesavers in my pocket and pineapple is next I don't own a cell phone or a pager I just hang around everyone I know all the time someone needs to get a hold of me they just say Mitch and I say what and turn my head slightly I like an escalator man because the escalator cannot break it just becomes stairs there is no such sign this is escalator temporarily out of order only a Silas's escalator temporarily stairs I saw it duck in downtown Boise Idaho and I knew you was lost because ducks ain't supposed to be downtown ain't nothing for him there so I figure I give him some bread help him out so I went to a subway I said let me just have a bun only but they wouldn't sell me just a bun they said I had to have something on it I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch so I said alright put some lettuce on it then something is easy to dust off so they sold me a lettuce sub they said they'll be a dollar seventy-five I said it's for a duck I said all right then it's free see I did not know that ducks eat for free at Subway can I know that I would ordered a much larger sandwich let me have the steak fajitas ugh but don't bother ringing it up it's for a duck there are six ducks out there right now haha I'm laughing my own things now I have to jumpstart the last a little I play golf I'm not very good at golf I never got a hole-in-one but I did hit a guy and that's way more satisfying you're supposed to yell for but I was too busy mumbling there ain't no way that's gonna hit him I always hope the BAM backs me up but tonight no I always hope the band is me you know cuz the band is cool alright but they ain't laughing I play blackjack I'm not addicted to gambling I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle sometimes I'll see like a jar of jellybeans and it's a contest if you guess how many jellybeans are in the jar you win a car oh come on man let me just have some let's make a compromise you guess how many I want I had a bag of Fritos once they were Texas Grill Fritos these Fritos had grill marks on them hell yeah reminds me of summer when we used to fire up the barbecue and throw it out on some Fritos I can still see my dad with the apron on you better flip their frito dad you know how I like it all right thank you that's it ladies gentlemen one more time Mitch Hedberg that was so good that Aaron wants to give you is real blacks no more that was a little weird great to have you here I know it's only wet your second time in Canada or second or third time oh no no this no someone misinformed I've been here whew I'm sorry so we want to talk about your walk on our traders a hard time getting in Canada for a while because I was arrested when I was 18 for stealing stuff out of cars you know oh yeah so who did it more than once yeah you're innocent right right exactly but I still Tupperware and then I and then then I got arrested they wouldn't let me into Canada because I stole Tupperware it was really silly Canada really likes leftover see when you couldn't I'm so glad to hear we're being so well protected yeah we're all wearing black I love that was the Tupperware for personal use or from a mock as Christmas was approaching hey you got it you're working on your new film los enchiladas you've been working on that for a while yeah yeah tell the folks well give him my giving the plotter Los Angeles it's about a Mexican restaurant in the Midwest Minnesota where I grew up you know cuz Mexican there is not really Mexican food you know it's just like melted cheese over anything so I I just kind of parody the Mexican restaurant right a lot of people say when will the film be out I say I don't know man you know just come on over I'll show it to you because I don't know if it's gonna make it to the theater so you're doing distribution as well oh yeah I'm running around with the video tech going in black and you've got development deal from Fox yeah Fox gave me you know the the paper Toronto Sun did like things like printed how much money I made you development deal and it was a sweet development deal but now everyone knows I got money and then they told me where I'm working all week so I'm scared people trying to roll me after the show well you might as well said I mean how much should they give it even quite a bit of money was a record oh yeah they gave me half a million but I won't see that you know I'll see like ten thousand after uh commission okay cuz I have a bad deal with my these guys gave you half a million bucks based on your performance my assumption is they didn't actually meet you know hell no I had nothing to do with it man oh hell I have to do is go up on stage and then go and drink somewhere and my manager took care of everything else next thing you know they say you got some money I said all right what are you gonna buy with it I'm gonna pay off some old debts things that I already bought I got a lot to plan for where you know people stuff like that good great to have you here thanks Mike great Ted all right

Channel: MyTalkShowHeroes

Views: 1,581,010

Keywords: mytalkshowheroes, mitch hedberg, standup, comedy

Id: hCxgttpBrWo

Length: 8min 31sec (511 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 26 2015