MICHAEL McINTYRE - Royal Variety Performance 2010

[Applause] everybody right welcome ladies and gentlemen to the raw variety equal forwards 2010 I'm hosting [Applause] I hope it goes better than the last time I performed comedy for Prince Charles which was at the 60th birthday couple years ago very big gig for me televised I hadn't really made it yet in comedy and I came out raise my arms aloft at the beauty when hello unfortunately that happened I spent the entire performance thinking that I was completely storing the game I realized hoping act me and not with me things are going better so how's it been cold been cold you've been discussing the cold a lot I don't think I've seen as many weather forecast in the last two weeks as I've ever seen in my entire life there's a weather forecaster loose heater on breakfast television she's heavily pregnant to the extent you can no longer see Ireland bits of the world scum slider under threat unless she gives birth Irish people are writing in which a move over already at the so of course it's a basic what it's those in this country it just totally dominates everything we've become completely obsessed with snow normally on the TV you have news and weather and travel and sport but when it snows news is weather is travel is fought it's all the same thing our main news it's snowing it's no the big freeze is upon us there is snow everywhere now the trouble with snowing all over the world all over the railways on the airport's now for the sport it's snowing all over the football pitches all over the tennis courts and the race courses and now for the weather well you must know the weather it's knowing without any prospects of more snow nothing to lose in your area we're snowing here two main headlines again it's snowing I've been John snow good night [Applause] [Applause] it's all happening the festivities have begun we are in to the festive period which of course means huge amounts of eating for most of us we eat but we will end up normally Christmas it's a time of year to test to see just how much we can eat on Christmas day I eat until the announcement I ease until I lean back and go well that's it I can eat no more I can't eat another thing I will never ever eat again half an hour later I'm going to have a sandwich out of all the leftovers I genuinely believed I would never eat again half an hour ago I have an amazing capacity for food Christian thing Christians love to eat to excess on their holidays other religions starve themselves on holiday Jewish people they starve themselves Muslims have a holiday they starve themselves it's almost like Christians have had something look through the Bible for opportunities to eat to excess well it says here that Jesus had a very big meal then he starved himself for 40 days and 40 nights whoa whoa go back what was the first part it does he had a very big meal Jesus okay let's focus on that day I say wheat pancakes all day today with pancakes we'll eat pancakes till we're sick what else if you go well this is it that Jesus died on the cross tricky all right let's take the symbol of a cross and put it on a hot bun [Applause] and then apparently was resurrected on the Sunday you know what I didn't want to hear the story we've already made our decision we go to hide chocolate in the garden Anita was sick and of course all the traditions bound all the traditions of Christmas which he loved I mean without the tradition of Christmas Christmas Christmas would not be what it is but the point is we don't really like all of them but we pretend to because it's Christmasy mulled wine hot wine we don't like hot wine just like a whole year avoiding hot wine tea coffee hot wine why are we hot wine but in business I love this hot spice sweet wine it's so nice after one sip it's quite nice then it starts to cool then you abandon it no one's ever finished a mulled wine I don't think Brussels sprouts why do we put ourselves through this annual bush tucker trial we do decide if we should be eating these washed up vegetables fart holes every year we gotta keep it like turkey we don't eat turkey all year there's no kentucky fried turkey we don't like that it's white it's dry flavorless meat you only have a look at what we do to it to tolerate it okay recover it in cranberry sauce and gravy we stuff it with meat would rather be eating red sauce since when was Brenda sauce lots of bread sauce yes pour that bread all over my turkey more fat balls don't mind if I do and crackers who looked at Christmas lunch and said I know what this needs a paper hat a bad joke and some toenail clippers [Applause] - okay we couldn't use any of these things if we had no time during the year would we go to a restaurant the waiter comes over can I get you the wine list I pick on any hot wine sickly boiled fruity wine where did I go flight after once it'd be fun even though you like the bread for the table liquid bread alone from put it into a jug I'm gonna pour that over my main meal tonight chef special is the chicken have you gotten a drier less flavor similar means like like a turkey any side orders put any sauce bearnaise from Dover is there anything else I can get you I think a mini sewing kit would round this off half an hour after I've finished I want everything again in a sandwich [Applause]

Channel: GetToasted91

Views: 1,766,547

Rating: 4.8916163 out of 5

Keywords: michael, mcintyre, the, royal, variety, performance, 2010, show, christmas, food, snow

Id: kpu9o4V-L-g

Length: 6min 46sec (406 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 17 2010