Men - The forgotten gender | Deepika Bhardwaj | TEDxIIFTDelhi

what I'm going to talk about today is usually considered illogical a lot of people feel offended when I talk about it it is usually politically incorrect especially in the atmosphere environment that we are right now where everybody is really concerned about crime against women but I would still talk about it because it's much needed especially if we all believe that justice is the right of every individual regardless of their gender I'm going to be talking about men today I'm going to be talking about men who are victimized I'm going to be talking about men who are being abused systematically abused by laws that have been made for protection of women but are in turn coming out to be as a tool of injustice to men and women and I'm going to be talking about men who absolutely are nowhere in the conversations when we talk about gender I never thought about it to be very honest I never thought men would have any issues men would have any concern I'm a woman why should I care about men so I always had that attitude that most of us usually have until three years ago when I were ending in the court along with a family member of mine a very close relative of mine and he was going through divorce he the woman had an extramarital affair and when the family figured out there were discussions and what to do next what to do next well the guy had caved both the options to the girl she could move on because it's a right to live what she wants to do and he also gave her the option that he's ready to forget everything and then move on with life but the girl was hell-bent on breaking the marriage now everything was fine until here and after this all hell broke loose now while she was the one who was actually the wrongdoer in the marriage she accused the family of dowry by dowry and domestic violence and I remember this afternoon when I was standing in the court and with this woman and her sister and her sister was telling this woman basically you know you have all the laws by your side so you know you should really be happy about it and I as a woman was confused that day just because I'm a woman does give me all the right or power to ruin a family and a man well I even till that point I did not act I thought about it and I was extremely disturbed about it but I did not react or act until I saw this video online if you decide to take over made it such entities a miracle of Judah history she became fella mad that would be the America it is the beautiful is fatter than the products yes I am a mad mad doom committed suicide in 2009 he was accused of a dowry case and this is what he left as an evidence of the humiliation and the harassment that he had gone through mug doom is not the only one who is being harassed because of gender bias laws in India there are several men and their families that are falling victim to these lords matters of marriage is a project that I thought of beginning when I saw this video I was moved into tears and I just could not think of being silent anymore in that so I thought I would make a documentary film on the way men are being victimized in India their families are being victimized in India because of gender bias laws matters of marriage is a documentary feature that's the story of people who have fought who are fighting and people who succumbed to the most unexpected battle of their life which is marriage you know we don't we think of marriage as a very beautiful bond we think of marriage as a lifelong bond we don't think about divorce but divorce is reality of today when I've spoken to lawyers in a lot of people in the judiciary divorce rates are touching something between 30 to 40 percent marriages are falling apart and when a marriage falls apart it's a man and his family who are really at the wrong side on your left is a story of a man and his family he was being tormented he was being abused he was being humiliated for the mere fact that he was not able to own as much as his wife wanted him to and though he had already cut off all his ties from his parents whenever he visited him so I took care of his ailing mother his wife used to create a big ruckus in the family being abused he went to the police station and told the cops can you please keep me in the lock-up because I cannot live at my home the cops told him that they have absolutely nothing for him they have no law for his protection and they can't do anything and he must go back home because they can't really do something for him so this man eventually after taking all the humiliation filed for divorce that's apparently the only option available for a man if he is he's in a be the relationship you can file a divorce and grounds of cruelty that's what he did and as soon as his wife received the summons two days after she went in front of his house and created a big mess over there and made sure that entire his entire family even though they were not staying with them were dragged to the police station he hung himself the same night on the right side is the story of a man who was accused in a domestic violence in a dowry law dowry case when he did the DNA test of his two-year-old son his was a six year old marriage he had a two-year-old son and because of certain prizm apprehensions he conducted a DNA test the next day he was arrested under the dowry act no prizes for guessing he's not the father of his child so the child belongs to somebody else and his wife implicated him in a dowry case because he conducted the DNA test how easy it is to misuse a law that's made for protection of women in India this is a slide that tells you a little bit about that a two year and a four year old accused in a domestic violence case I mean it's unbelievable but it's true it's just a 20 25 year they hold a story from Bangalore where wife of this guy ran away with her boyfriend after ten days of marriage and when he went to the court to nullify the marriage she accused him and his entire family including these two kiddos in a domestic violence in a dowry plane Section 498a of Indian Penal Code a law that was made with very noble intentions to prevent violence and cruelty perpetrated on married women at from the hands of their husband and their families it was a law made with very good intentions but 30 years down the line today 498a is being known as the law that's been most abused in the history of Indian jurisprudence the number of people arrested under this law that essentially deals with his family setup is more than 23 lakhs less than only petty crimes like theft and hurt more than five lakh women have been arrested under this law alone and when I say women I'm talking about sisters of a boy mother of a boy eighty five-year-old ninety women small young girls like 15 16 year old girls six year old boys who have been arrested under this law just because their name was written in that complaint it does not matter whether you have actually done something or you have not done something but you have been accused of this law number of people who are eventually found guilty under this law is a bare minimum barely fifteen percent of people are actually found guilty under this law and this is what our lawmakers actually have to say now because I told you in the beginning whatever I'm going to talk about I'll have to give a lot of evidences for it because I'm going I'm talking about men when we talk about women we don't really need to give evidences but I shall tell you what Supreme Court of India has said about 498a merely because the provision is constitutional and intra vies does not give a license to unscrupulous persons to wreak personal vendetta or unleash harassment by misuse of the provision a new legal terrorism can be leashed the provision is to be used as a shield and not an assassin's weapon if cry of wolf is made too often as a prank assistance and protection may not be available when actual wolf appears this was the shield kumar versus union of india just this year supreme court of india said something about 490 again 498 again the fact that 498 a is cognizable and non bailable offense has lent it a dubious place of pride amongst provisions that are used as weapons than shield by disgruntled wives these are the statements by the highest court of india they are extremely concerned about the misuse of this law and a law that was made for protection of women if it's being misused it's an injustice to women also like I said even after so many statements by the courts even after so much of evidence that this law is being grossly misused nothing has been really done about this law no changes have been made in this law there though there have been various recommendations given by various authorities that the law really needs amendment because it's being misused much more than it's being used what happens when you are accused of a 498a you're basically asked to either pay up you know settle the case or you keep on fighting for your even if you're innocent as a result a lot of people are committing suicide not only men but women as well here's a story where these two people were asked to pay off 50 lakhs L suffer a case forever they hanged themselves that's a family all four of them were threatened over 498a they killed themselves that's a barely 18 year-old girl who is threatened off the same case by her sister-in-law and she hung herself our men valuable yes men are vulnerable and that's what I figured out in the last two-and-a-half three years when I have been researching and working on this subject and my documentary film you can be accused for domestic violence if you shout at your wife but if your wife shouts at you there's nothing you can pretty much do you can be accused of domestic violence if your family circumstances are such that she needs to work but if she doesn't want to work in if he force her to work it's coded in the law that she can accuse you of domestic violence I've seen people being implicated in sexual harassment at workplace because the woman did not get a good appraisal and she filed a case against the person or if a person has the woman for a drink she he has been accused of sexual harassment at workplace I've seen people being accused of molestation because of her fight in the bus and I'm sure you must all must have heard about the erotic Bravehearts case I brought to the fore the other side of the rata grave odds those two videos were made by me and when I visited those villages and when I saw the when I met the people who were in the bus nobody had anything to say what the girls were saying but what is happening today cool deep the main accused has been denied an admit card and he was supposed to join army for a crime that's not been proven yet so I see people being accused of rape because their relationships have turned sour now this is this is scary this is really scary this is this should be even scarier for women than it is for men because if if provisions that are meant for their safety and protection are misused then when like Supreme Court said when the actual wolf would appear you would not get in his assistance because you would not be believed delhi commission of women has come out with a statistic that off the rape case is filed between April 2013 and July 2014 a whopping 53% were false a thorough research done by newspaper the Hindu over six months they studied the entire cases all the cases that were filed in Delhi which is which has come to be known as the rape capital of India out of all the cases filed the ones that went under trial forty percent of those cases were the cases where a girl a young girl had willingly eloped with a boyfriend and when she came back the parents filed a rape case on the boy 25% of the cases are cases of rape on promise of marriage these are consensual these are consensual relationships being termed as rape I have I would tell you story of a boy who called me up he cried inconsolably this was just few months ago seventy percent of the cases that that were filed in Delhi now have the acquittal rate earlier was 46% but after the nirbhaya case which we all really felt so sorry about and the rape laws were amended after that but the acquittal rate after after that has gone from 46 percent to 70 percent good sign absolutely not a good sign injustice to men of course and their families too what happens when you are accused of something that you've not done if you are accused of if you are an actual victim of dowry of crime of dowry it's painful for you but equally painful is the accusation of harassing somebody for dowry when you actually did not rape is a heinous crime but if somebody is falsely accused of rape it's an equal but it's an equal pain if not anything less this is the plea of a man who was acquitted of rape after spending four years in jail he asked the Supreme Court to return his dignity and you know what happens in these cases the media never reports the acquittals that's why the societal perception is that it's only women who are being victimized you never come to know that there are issues with men and they also have problems you know I remember talking to a friend of mine who writes for one of these crime serials that are coming coming on various channels these days and she told me the picker when we show false cases the TRPs do not come you know people do not like to watch them people don't understand the pain of families who are wrongly accused or families who suffered because of false accusations and I was surprised but I knew this fact this man told the Supreme Court that even after his acquittal the entire community thinks that he is a rapist because the media never reported that and most of us believe what media shows us only way that we know that men are suffering in India is the statistic apart from this there's nothing that we know is happening to many the domestic violence Act which is gender neutral across the world a man if he is being abused in a relationship can file a domestic violence case but in India you cannot so this is the only statistic this is available which is available with us twice the number of married men commit suicide as compared to women we have a commission for animals have a commission for women we have a commission for children but we do not have any government organization that works for men or on their issues I'm a volunteer with an organization called save Indian family you would be startled to hear that a helpline that they run for distress men get 135 calls every day it's run by volunteers there's no government support its volunteers who are running those helpline and all that we do is give a shoulder of support listen to these people who absolutely have no listening in the society when you when you are accused in a case like that everybody sort of leave you if you're a family if you're a friend they think that you must be guilty and that's why you have been accused so we give these people a shoulder of support that shredding I met him in Bangalore he was crying he had already attempted suicide once but today he is being heard and he has been encouraged to fight back and not to compromise today he is fighting back in his place and spreading awareness about these issues there's more to it if this was not enough they're more laws that are coming now for protection of women should come absolutely needed but nothing that can be misused we are now getting a new ground for divorce which is irretrievable breakdown of marriage men would have to part away from their property if their marriage fails whether you are guilty or not whether your mistake at mistake or not you would have to part away from your property and the judge would decide the quantum of that property to be given to the woman as the law has not come yet it's still in the draft phase but the draft says but draft does not specify any or gives no importance to the duration of marriage if I've spent 20 years in a marriage I should get a lot of things but if I've spent just two days in the marriage I don't know what I deserve but that's a new law that's coming into picture why should you care the current cases pending in the judiciary is three kroll and I don't know how many years that it would take for those cases to wind up so you should care because our judiciary is being full being filled with these cases that are not genuine but it's it's there they are the cases that are being filed in the courts because you wanted to settle score with someone you should care because if you're a woman and if your brother son father friend cousin would be accused of a crime and no matter how much you know that he is innocent he would still be called guilty in US and he would his innocence would not be heard of course if you're a man you should care what are we asking for we aren't asking for too much what are we asking for we are asking for gender-neutral laws so that person who is actually committing the crime is punished and it's not the gender that's punished we are asking for strong misuse Clause under provisions that basically give give so much of importance to the testimony of a person just just on basis of a statement you can build an entire case on it so if that case has been filed with oblique motives then that person also deserves to be punished a lot of people call me anti women a lot of people say that I don't understand the pain of women but that's not true I do understand the women but I also do understand the pain of men pain of men and their families and that's why when I saw injustice happening in the name of justice to women I refused to remain neutral inside the oppressor as what Desmond Tutu once said and that's why I went on and absolutely off the beaten path and I started fighting for justice for man thank you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 1,308,711

Rating: 4.933248 out of 5

Keywords: Journalism, Politics, tedx, Law, Family, ted talks, ted talk, Global issues, Criminal justice, Sexual Assault, India, Women's Rights, Public Policy, Gender, tedx talk, Men, Social Change, TEDxTalks, tedx talks, ted, ted x, Global Issues, English

Id: 1_2gl7lz25E

Length: 19min 0sec (1140 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 25 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

If people fighting for equal rights (as opposed to equality) would be more pragmatic about gender there wouldn't be as much hypocrisy when addressing the issue.

[u/spunkush]

Similar thing happened to my uncle in india, his first wife claimed domestic violence. He eventually came out innocent after a long case, and is now married to the lawyer who helped defend him.

[u/memetherapy]

A non-white woman arguing on behalf of men... checkmate feminists.

[u/tripsy67]

A friend of mine was married with 3 kids and his wife had an affair... Not once but 4 times. He forgave her 4 times and they tried again, when she did it for the fifth time he got the hint and they separated. Even though she was the unfaithful partner she got the house and custody of the kids. He on the other hand lost his home and had to pay her so much for the kids that he couldn't afford to keep his job (he was a policeman), she on the other hand had his money for the kids coming in and her new live in partner was working as well. He ended up on benefits ( he lives in uk don't know if it's same in the states). My point is that men ARE the forgotten gender, the law is heavily on the woman's side 99.9% of the time. If you are a man then often times you are the one being discriminated against!

[u/OracleFINN]

"Now because I told you in the beginning whatever I'll have to talk about I'll have to give a lot of evidence for. Because we are talking about men. When talking about women we don't really need to give evidence."

I don't think I have ever heard this sentiment worded quite so perfectly. I wish evidence helped. I personally believe that the figures that women make 23% less than men for the same work and that 1/5 women are sexually assaulted in the US are nothing more than misrepresentations of studies that we're cherry picked because they present findings at a much higher point than other similar studies. The studies are literally outliers that stand out from the majority of other studies finding. Every single time I have brought this up I've been attacked personally, yelled at, or mocked for reading or knowing specific studies. I have a career in the social work field and am finishing my degree in psychological science but ALWAYS when voicing that I even question this type of shit I'm "that guy" and the issue gets laughed aside, the subject is awkwardly changed, and I'm getting looked at like I'm a fanatic with a sandwich-board.

But when my colleagues have anything to say about how hard women have it or how privileged I am to be male it's feminism and the person is SO BRAVE.

[u/doodep]

62% upvoted.....

Let the asshurt games begin.

[u/willwat26]

You still couldn't get away with saying that about affirmative action

[u/A-Aron16]

...if any of you know anything about the history of women in India, dowry laws, or the dowry prohibition act, you would know that what this woman is saying is very far from representative of Indian marital problems. The law she is talking about that makes it hard for men to win court cases is the anti dowry act, which prohibits men from requiring money from the wife's family when married so that the husband wouldn't just kill or torture his wife if she didn't satisfy him, (yes, that happens) and these payments were known as dowry. It should disturb you enough that the dowry laws seemed necessary to any people in the first place, but they existed in nearly every culture.

The anti-dowry laws are beneficial, as many poor families in India couldn't pay dowry, and so subsequent harassing, torture, and extortion of the wife and her family was (theoretically) eliminated (that doesn't mean it still doesn't happen). In fact, in 2010, there were 8,391 dowry related deaths or suicides, even with the act; all women.

The laws that this woman is talking about, yes, while not perfect and criticized by men's rights groups, are for women's protection and representation, and are long standing laws that originated in the 1961 and have been scrutinized and challenged by India's lawmakers. And honestly in my opinion, requiring dowry is incredibly insulting on top of dangerous. It is unfortunate that these individual men may have been abused and committed suicide, but I fear the perspective she is giving in this talk is narrow and unrepresentative of the whole issue, and takes advantage of many people's ignorance to India's abuse and abuse history. This unfortunately has triggered only a reactionary response judging from the reddit and YouTube comments. Just want to make sure the reaction is valid, because by what I'm seeing, it's not. I'm a man.

[u/informationmissing]

what is a dowry case? I don't understand dowry and how it works legally.