Men Read Other Men's Deepest Secrets
Video Statistics and Information
Channel: Jubilee
Views: 6,496,196
Rating: undefined out of 5
Keywords: jubilee, jubilee media, jubilee project, live for something greater, blind devotion, love language, mens secrets, men read other men's deepest secrets, abuse survivor, masculinity, sensitive men, sexuality, seeking secrets, seeking secrets jubilee, anonymous secrets, deepest secrets, strangers read secrets, people read strangers secrets, read secrets, reading secrets, secrets reaction, trans, transgender
Id: X7C20hCDS80
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 5min 39sec (339 seconds)
Published: Wed Mar 13 2019
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This video reminds me of what a counselor once said to me about raising children (especially boys). She said, "We raise boys to be tough, unemotional, and 'manly'. We teach them it's not ok to cry and when they do cry we say, 'What are you crying about?! Want me to give you something to cry about?!'. They're already crying, why would you want to make it worse?"
Those words have always stuck with me especially since that was my father. He was that exact way. To this day I resent him for it (and a whole slew of other things). I let my son cry about whatever he wants and talk to him about whatever it is that he's upset about.
Being a man is embracing everything you are, recognizing your faults, owning up to those faults, and persevering to better yourself for your sake and the sake of your loved ones (whether they be family or friends). It's not about liking sports, working a laborious job, never crying, being the bread winner, etc.
I'm a man in my early 30s. I've had depression since I was like, 18ish and went through a period of being suicidal a year or so ago. I started seeing a therapist after a really bad break up last year and wanted to look at why I keep having bad experiences with women. I'd have bad relationships, no female friends, I'd get into fights with female bosses and colleagues at work constantly.
It's amazing how, only now in my 30s, did I start finding out that what I experienced as a child in my family is NOT normal. But I just thought I had your normal, basic, rural, middle American upbringing. My mom is an alcoholic to this day, and I have zero memories of her being kind to me, holding me, consoling me, etc. I remember her talking to herself and the TV at 3AM every night mostly.
I began to crave emotional and physical intimacy from unavailable women in my adulthood. I was in a very abusive relationship with a girl for several years. I didn't know it was abusive when I was in it. I just thought, if I keep giving her my time, attention, love, money, and I sacrifice every bit of me, then this girl will love me. Well that of course did not work out. She abused me, lied to me constantly, and never gave me anything except sex to string me along. I realized I have really big codependent tendencies. I could not stand being alone and I did not feel like a whole person unless I was dating/sleeping with someone.
I'm on the mend, things are looking better, but damn it's hard.
One thing I'll mention (thank you for reading this far), is the whole MeToo era we're living in actually gets me really upset (I refuse to say trigger). As someone who has experienced some awful things by the actions of women, I just cannot get myself into that mental space where I'm supposed to see women as all good, always truthful, always trustworthy, and so on. It's hard to support a movement for a group of people who have hurt me throughout my life. But there's a feeling of, shit I'm a real asshole for not being 100% on board with this movement. I don't know, that was a side rant. I doubt anyone else really feels this.
A part of me wonders. Is reddit really way more open and accepting on this and wanting to do something about this problem, or are a lot of people on here just acting as if? Because looking at reddit you'd think this is a problem a lot of people want to tackle, but go outside of it and most people tell you to stop being a bitch. If most people on here really do care we need to keep talking about it and never shut up about it. Otherwise we won't see any change.
I think the issue is that life is hard. A lot of abusive fathers are so because they are trying to fix the things that they felt were wrong with themselves because of things that happened to them, so they end up inflicting those same moments on their sons. Some fathers are just assholes too, so there's that. Another factor is the expectations of women - a lot of women expect and are attracted to classic characteristics of manliness - animosity, power over others, domination, etc. Part of being either gender is being attractive to the other one, and these expectations really fuck both of them up. In the same way that a lot of girls have insecurities about their appearance, a lot of guys have insecurities about their weaknesses. I suspect, honestly, that these things will never go away in society. It can definitely be improved but these things will always remain to some extent.
I feel like we are barely dealing with issues men and young boys deal with. I had a mask on all my life until I broke. My childhood wasnt great. My parents were constantly fighting. One of my earliest memories was of them fighting. I remember playing with my cousins in the living room and stoping to see down the hallway my parents having a huge argument. I couldn't tell what they was saying but I knew what it was. I was probably 4 or 5. Then I kept on playing like nothing happened.
That is how it was growing up. That is how we dealt with our issues. I got so good at reading a room, at reading boby language. I got good at using my words to hurt people. I got good at hiding my emotions. When other men would use their strength alpha you, I would put on a smile and pretend like we were best friends. I would make you laugh. At the same time I was using that information to hurt you. To get what I want out of you. I used that all the time with my father. Which is something I regret, my dad made a lot of mistakes but he is not a bad guy, just flawed.
At the end of the day I wanted to get better. Some days I felt so cold and I hated it. I always looked to art for release. There is a documentary called "The mask you live in" that made me realized that I had a mask on. That I was being the man society wanted me to be but not the man I wanted to be. I was a huge liar, manipulator, power hungry, depressed, boy that just wanted a good hug.
It was a long journey to get that mask off but now I feel like I have become that man I strived to be. I had to face all my demons and forgive everyone and myself for the past. It was worth it and it saved my life.
We teach boys how to be warriors but we don't teach them how to feel anything other than anger. We expect our significant other or children to soften us. What if we don't have that. I had to go on that journey alone I didn't have any girlfriends waiting for me or a child to look after. I am glad I did because now I know when the time comes I'll be ready to show them the love I can give.
This video got me very emotional. My young nephew died (5 years old) last year, and not soon after my grandma died (dad's mom), and my grandpa (mom's dad) dedided to take his own life.
I decided to be the strong one in the family and I held my emotions in. I didnt feel free to express anything and I really didnt want to talk about it at work or with friends. I had a girlfriend of about 2 months that I couldn't leqn on too hard since we really just got together.
As an adult male, on my days off I would lay under a blanket and cry alone for hours so nobody including my family would see me weak.
I don't want to encourage people to wear their emotions on their sleeve, but please dont bottle things up just because you are a man.
Video showing the emotional pain that Men hold.
77% upvoted.
Dude said he was a virgin and not due to lack of trying. I thought that was impossible reddit?
I think it's great that men are being more open about sharing things that are troubling them. But if there was one thing that bothers me about this video and others like it is that, while shedding light on men's problems, I can't help but notice the trend in these videos. Which seems to want to get across the idea that masculinity is a bad thing, and that the solution to men's problems is LESS of it.
To be more to the point, I don't see these videos as honest in their goals. The goal here isn't to shed light on men's issues. The goal here is to illustrate that these men's problems are, actually, masculinity itself.
The people who made this likely believe that the solution to these problems is less masculinity but what if I told you that there is actually some good in masculinity? That masculinity isn't a dirty word. And That (this is going to rustle some jimmies) masculinity can actually be used to HELP these men.
But see that's not the goal of this video. It's an ideological video, not a video about shedding light on men's problems. it's a video to convince you that masculinity is bad and hurts men and it's using male victims to push that ideology.