Marriage Comedy and UFO’s with Erica Duchess Karlous Miller and Clayton English @duchess1erica

[Music] oh what i'm doing i'm just lurking on the new merch i know you've been lurking on the site trying to figure out what you want all this this is coming these shirts these hats by the time you see this guess what they'll be on the site just do it you know you want to buy it i don't care how much you've bought this is new to me so it's new to you do you want the up use the promo code not telling you how much the promo code is for because you have to do some work too now for real go to the website and get you some of this bread it's made out that good soft t-shirt material we got t-shirts made out of t-shirt material and we got jockey pants made out of jogger pants material look at this this is crazy that is so dope plus you need to switch it up a little bit you i'm telling you step your t-shirt and your hat game up you already got all the design in the world but this is black owned and if you buy it it'll still be black owned cause you black right well if you not buy something black on white people haven't been supporting black owned businesses that's why we started this one but now that we're here you can buy something too just wear it around the house if you're not comfortable enough whatever it's just stupid stupid hey i'm carlos miller are you tired of not knowing what to cook when you're stressed for time hellofresh can make it simple you get fresh pre-measured ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your door hellofresh offers 10 to 20 minute meals low prep recipes and quick breakfasts and lunches perfect for your busy schedule go to hellofresh.com 85 south one two and use the code 85712 for 12 free meals including free shipping you know because when i order my chicken and rice and lambs and raviolis and sesame beef tacos and things of that nature and come right to the crib ready to go hellofresh offers the flexibility you need with customizable orders every week you can easily change your delivery days or food preferences and skip a week whenever you need so if you want to be cool like me go to hellofresh.com going slow so you don't mess it up use the code 85 south one two 12 free meals on me it's crazy [Music] everywhere david [ __ ] you know feel like i'm smarter you still you know you're [Applause] [Music] this is the reunion boy [Music] whatever [Music] beautiful morning i've been watching tv like [ __ ] me too i know what you all like the warrior stuff the world [Music] english got an opinion about the royal family i don't even mention them cause they've been spamming me i'm just so smart who why the queen [Music] everybody laugh and he'll be a honey they're weak that's what happens that's a healthy family they do what they do drink blood or some [ __ ] i don't know they got white people secrets for real white people singers white people [Music] i'm excited [Music] what you talking about you got me a list of current events i got to get eric in the dutchess to give me some updates on the outside world oh yeah you know i know oh oh you talking about the nike [ __ ] what's up with the little boys sending out them and now they're talking about the sneakers that have got boxes [Applause] do she just said they act like it ain't no sneakers it's not it's not it's not it's literally none [ __ ] it's just pictures it's all the pigment of your imagination no sneakers you've never seen anybody wear the snickers that you were trying to buy come on man [ __ ] if you got the sneakers you want to ride in the store like that [ __ ] happened to me in the last three years maybe four or five times i just thought random snickers [ __ ] like you got smiles oh yeah i'm about to make some spaghetti i hope you can make it [Laughter] spaghetti why not waste your time making spaghetti nobody [ __ ] spaghetti [Laughter] [Music] i know this [ __ ] [Music] i'll have a juice hey excuse me it seems like the party's picking up so i guess i'll have a juice now juices for everyone everyone juice juice please somebody get me capri sun i need to [Music] i love them though my husband got me watching how to kill a killer sticker y'all be watching murder mysteries together yeah yeah don't tell me they're stunning on us with a good ass relationship i mean it helped happy as [ __ ] i mean these are sweats don't yell at me girl i don't know who you think i am [Music] having sex with the moonlight who is that bala what by me this carlos miller [ __ ] oh okay oh [ __ ] cat i'm about to see you in a minute hold on oh yeah bring some more tape [Music] appreciate [Music] hey man throw me a beanie change your shoes [Music] worked on it [Music] yeah i like that sweater [Music] i got y'all some gifts too what'd you bring us my shirt i think you need to come out with your own line of fat ice that ice yeah you know where i get a lot of attention when i go to the airport with that shirt on i do you got a shirt give me a shirt what kind of shirt [Music] yeah give me a shirt advertise we [Music] y'all want to switch to kool-aid jimmy's i switched to kool-aid at my house kool-aid jammers mm-hmm the jammers in the little plastic in the tube yeah [Music] trust me it's a strategy you know how they're doing all the low-fat stuff now you gotta make your own kool-aid [Applause] do y'all vote to switch to kool-aid vote for kool-aid because they hit us back capricion has not hit us back anytime in fashion so we will be switching to kool-aid [Music] have you spoken with kool-aid yet did kool-aid hit us back [Music] kool-aid i would like to speak with kool-aid hello kool-aid hello kool-aid i would like to speak with you kool-aid i have an idea somewhere somewhere crazy right i think me and kool-aid should get some money sometime this year dear kool-aid are you listening to what i am saying i have a proposition for you and i'm not playing we can't get the money ooh it'd be like a band-aid in the pool you know it's gonna be on the other one oh right now you would get this voice the entire time [ __ ] you guys please don't do that [ __ ] and clinton they must [Laughter] i have hundreds of different [ __ ] i to me they don't deserve loose you don't get loose every time loses me right now you did with me directly you're unappreciative i am your new counselor what what is your name my name is adam pollocks adam pollocks that's right don't you ever forget it who are you erica i remember you you were smaller than now you're taller maybe it's the beats hey [ __ ] did you run out of music you finally reached the end of the [ __ ] playlist did you are you tired of me yet keep you working he thinks i don't know i've heard this i don't want you [ __ ] here let me some [ __ ] jailing i have not heard this one i like yes like a spanish drug dealer something about that one it's like an empty can clinking about lincoln [Music] oh i once knew it stood the name clinton her name was kaling kalingling she gave excellent cuddling yes i like this do you like this yes what's in there cook i know it ain't coffee it's coffee you like what's what's else in it i had some wine but i had to stop drinking it oh okay david brown and i would like [ __ ] i'm gonna go to school for real he gave me this big ass knife damn [ __ ] that's a sword i'm gonna have to mail this [ __ ] home that's not a knife this is nice with that [ __ ] yeah cut all kinds of roots hell yeah this [ __ ] crazy yes it is clayton wrote the nut as usual hey i don't normally do this hey this is like something new to me this was like the first scene on our [ __ ] sitcom so erica i heard you got a date tonight this is real friends yeah black friends black friend can i borrow 20 from both of y'all are you trying to go out again yeah i met this girl on craigslist she just need forty dollars for some gas money when she get here forty dollars yeah i give you 20 you owe me 20 already yeah but i don't owe him 20. i don't know any of you [ __ ] anything adam pollock's him and i'll be home [ __ ] today welcome back to the 85 shop show yeah yeah yeah please break it back you bring it back you bring it back bring it back bring it back all right no not that [ __ ] [ __ ] you man little smushy head [ __ ] you think i don't see you you lit your smooshy head are those little things on your head smooshy i better smoosh it you don't think i know smooshy who is this guy smooshy that's his name hey [Laughter] i would know some strange weird [ __ ] he would tell you one night we had a show we left marietta it was [ __ ] dark pitch black dark we get to the east side that [ __ ] looks like it was morning time i don't know what the [ __ ] we hit a time walk or some [ __ ] we got to the other side of town [ __ ] wasn't even dark over there it is the middle of the light when we left we got to the other side of town and looked up man i was like bro don't even look like morning over here your explanation was it was raining and it was cloudy so it was dark and then we drove to one no more clouds [ __ ] in the sun was back out [ __ ] but it was too late for the sun to even really still be out now that's even more [ __ ] [ __ ] that i said i'm giving you the scientific explanations that i made for myself so i wouldn't be like it got daytime in the middle of the night cause we got to the club and we were supposed to be on time we got to the club and we was dumb early oh so it was like in the middle of the day [ __ ] right like nine o'clock it was nighttime and we thought man y'all what y'all knew was smoking we went to some it was decent we always smoke decent because when mo hagan said we're going to drink pretty good and smoke decent blood yeah that's the standard right there yeah and we were never out here just huffing glue we were never smoking the bathroom never i don't smoke babbage i don't heard of it raining on one side of town and not on the other side of town see that's why we don't tell this story a lot but that's what it was but it wasn't it was that but i believe y'all could look for don't believe i've seen a ufo i do i've seen it tell me the story hold on this whole next segment is classified this is classic welcome back to the fast show we're gonna call this one ghetto classified information come on uh star sightings violet indigo children um universes funkadelic the mothership portals come on middle earth come on conspiracy theories come on um [Music] this [ __ ] aka the long hair sucker welcome to a time call right now hey man you got to put your sunglasses on so you can feel cool yeah i really seen a ufo see i was working in public i stayed in california by working at the public in roswell right i was about eight to nine months pray i never forget i'll listen to my wife here that's important to the story yes what song cause you know it make a difference you know what fly like a sky and it was something like that with the sky song but it was like a spiritual song y'all know what i'm talking about oh fly yeah not fly right here you know which song i like about playing okay they'll get when the white girl be like i'm like bad yes yeah that was the work that retails like that's all right that's so proud yes another little white girl london paris tokyo this [ __ ] used to go harder go ahead though she brought up white lady music i'm sorry but yes i was listening to my why i care right and i was going through some stuff in my life i was pregnant and she got miserable and then i'm driving down with 285 i look up i see the [ __ ] it went then it went i said that's a [ __ ] ufo i knew it was a ufo because it had green lights the first light was green then when it came back this way with red that was a stop light uh-oh the bubble the bubble hobby the bubbling inside anyway you saw that [ __ ] i seen it do you think they saw you they probably did i think they think the aliens disappeared i'm like bro [Laughter] hey that's what made him take off hey man this black lady look at him cause i was like cause i slowly i think she sees us leave it what prepare the ashtray objection let's get the [ __ ] out of this galaxy nigga's stupid but yeah i've seen this with my own eyes can't nobody tell me who else would you see them with you see your ass right quick i know on that uh i was in ohio i just left there what's what's it cincinnati no i was in toledo no nothing wrong with cincinnati but i was in i think toledo inside the comedy club and that [ __ ] it was a hot air balloon out there you don't know you don't see no hot air balloon just flying i'm like oh [ __ ] i'm supposed to read like oh hi there balloon okay that's great then i look over and i see this [ __ ] and it's like silver and it's moving fast like that [ __ ] far away but it's moving fast you know how the further some [ __ ] is away to slow it move you like okay that plane look like you're going slow but it's up there it's going 700 miles an hour whatever the [ __ ] this [ __ ] was far away like like moving the hot air balloon like they must have seen [ __ ] because they dropped down low as [ __ ] they was way up and then they just dropped down and that [ __ ] was moving and i watched that [ __ ] like go off into the goddamn i know that's your reason in vegas i was in vegas right and i was sitting on the balcony right it was right before it was like dust dark so then i see like a row of like four red lights and then that [ __ ] and then them [ __ ] just like disappeared like that wasn't there and then it was four on this side and it was four on this side but it was like four red they were made like a triangle but it was four of them and then there was like just four lights over here and then that [ __ ] made a straight line again and then it looked like they split up again told you that it was just like six and now like where the other two go and then the other two they like popped up it was like blue blue and then it's just like that [ __ ] all flash and then they just disappeared it's gone it was the craziest [ __ ] i ever seen all this [ __ ] happened within like 30 seconds yeah and you was i'm sitting there watching it right like the sun was way too [ __ ] like overweight this over there like i'm looking that's the sun so so it was like these look like six or eight little small versions of the sun they was like real bright red but they were like flashing like like a whole like just like like a light like a [ __ ] light but then it'll turn back red and then it's like it was like they were saying some [ __ ] or telling each other some [ __ ] like that [ __ ] was it just like like it was never there like did nothing move or not it just like that [ __ ] just showed up and then wasn't there no more and then that [ __ ] like i believe you i've seen a lot of crazy [ __ ] in the sky folk don't be believing me no i don't tell everybody kind of [ __ ] yeah i think i think god should be wanting me to see i've seen you saw mel one time you ain't got to tell everybody cause folks gonna try i don't like when people make them hard ass excuses as to what the [ __ ] it was yeah they don't even scientific form it might be man one time i was on the plane and we kept seeing these [ __ ] things past the plane real fast and then the ladies were just going around those are those of them like why the [ __ ] is she telling us what man the people kept looking like what is that what is that but it was just some light what's she trying to say it was she said it was something it's geese sometimes shut up i forgot what the [ __ ] she said some stupid [ __ ] like that's just that oh my god what does it mean or some [ __ ] i'm like who the [ __ ] flying it way up here on the plane to that extent but people were looking out the window like what was that and one time looking up in the sky it was raining but it was just trying to start raining but not quite drizzling it's the word okay and i seen this the whole sky is white but it's dark but it's white i see a blue light in a red like they fighting their ass i look like transformers in that bit fighting what does that look like but i can see it oh like gold blue i was going for some alien names a long time ago i'm glad you stopped because this [ __ ] is way too strong yeah i already know like i'd be so happy thinking y'all my real friend [ __ ] i'll be real friendly but you know what i i got to stop smoking but lately i've been getting like little shotguns and that [ __ ] be having me depressed then i just start thinking about [ __ ] that i don't even thinking about like potatoes and [ __ ] like that's the [ __ ] you be thinking about like my mind just be so slow like all right let me ask you this your mind gets slow what you think of you was telling me you've been keeping up with the royal family mm-hmm what's your reaction to it so you talking about the the tv shows or what's going on in real life the real life [ __ ] cause you like the show oh yeah i love the show and i thought well um um meghan markle i like her i mean what i think what's going on here is hey you can't marry a white man to be mad with his family right right right cause you already know what you're getting into so you didn't marry a white man you were married i'd like to inspect his [ __ ] jones let me see his feet but y'all know what i hear the baby his baby don't get no title though they ain't gonna give his baby no title i heard that's quite the big fellow you got that [Laughter] you want your title back called title 9. what shall we call it what shell is tied to me his name prince of cognac possible we're going to let another one in like that we're gonna have black grandson in this family then they were worried about how dark he gonna be bruh prince was probably like i hope i heard him he's dark enough to scare my mom to death his where his grace i'm joking about this is because i relate to that [ __ ] because i got kicked at the royal family for being too dark which world family yeah the barges mississippi it's not whether to be royalty the british were unfairly diminished how what was [Laughter] what's sad about it it's a sad day that you got to go through all that because of the color your skin like that's the sad part to me but i know she got to be i know she had to be aware of what she was getting herself into she said she never googled him but i think she kept she capping on that she's but you did recently get married we're going to celebrate ain't no hate man [ __ ] it ain't like it ain't like recently but you black love is beautiful beautiful yeah yeah any it was just in december yeah how you liking it i mean it's it's it's you came over here and talk [ __ ] about [ __ ] for a minute i had to pray some dick off me what yeah to get where i'm at now you prayed at all yeah you're good now i'm good y'all [ __ ] come out by the evil spirits yeah i had to pray i had to pray that now you're a housewife and [ __ ] all that love they gonna have you on the show this season yeah now they follow me on that real house real i'm a real housewife for real but i'm loving it though it's it's different it's it and it's not as la la for me saying it is oh yeah what advice would you give the ladies after you know one of the ones who got to the other side i'm like girl i found a husband i'm at the game i mean just couldn't learn how to communicate i said communicate communication [ __ ] is a [ __ ] boy communicate yeah yeah tell the truth too i am with this other [ __ ] i hit you right back yeah communicating and um i mean i don't know so many d day everybody got so many preferences they want this kind of [ __ ] they want that kind of [ __ ] and i think i got married cause i became god real with some real [ __ ] you know what i'm saying i ain't got anything they wanted a real name yeah i just said give me that [ __ ] that was my problem a man that know his position and all that he's like bam cause we're gonna make some money right yeah that's the easy part easy right now i ain't you can ask for a man for six figures and then the [ __ ] get hurt then what you're gonna do yeah you better find a [ __ ] who got the potential to make six yeah bring in eight yeah nine figures right yeah right anything like that started make it feel real cool a lot of ladies out there looking for a new [ __ ] you understand but there's no such thing as a new [ __ ] it's just another one just another one it's just another one ain't no new ain't no new [ __ ] ain't no no it ain't but you really can't just be out here thinking about [ __ ] like that that's the type of [ __ ] that'll make you lose it yeah it's new to you yeah it'd be new to you like this is dude this is new to me all this [ __ ] new to me basically hope for some troopers what's that what's it gonna be there he deep in his bag oh you call it the shoe [ __ ] carla what's up with your [ __ ] what to make it sound like i got a [ __ ] i mean that's not gonna come off i mean oh my bad not like that like i mean we was in the rotation of the [ __ ] then i was like what's up with your personality yeah like you made it sound like i got a problem no no y'all no you don't no my bad no hey man oh [Music] my pussy's doing better tonight it's all right it's a little sick this morning we're sneezing but it's okay now my [ __ ] is not even the tree size he usually does but he's doing well i spent a lot of time with my position the recent days you think it's so crazy man i missed out i appreciate y'all too for having me on here man yeah you know you could just hard to get in touch with something that [ __ ] that cuffed you up look low erica wanna spend the rest of my days low lows don't count man lost soap out man i just want to be with you here i mean that cool or whatever that cooler what else you can real y'all coming here that man stays like our first date he was like i'm marrying you i said the first date first date we had a conversation what if you would just looking crazy that woman he was looking for i think i said he dropped you off bro i found one i ain't letting this look crazy [ __ ] girl you know how i love my crazy women i'm getting older and it's gonna be my last rodeo yeah yeah i think he did the opposite of what he been used to because he's like smart girls and [ __ ] didn't he like to build one you know that [ __ ] was liking decent women me i don't like [ __ ] like that but [ __ ] with smart but i just know how he trying to be and [ __ ] like don't be trying to be slick funny i wonder what made him change he's sitting there and then this smart woman just talking nothing and then the neurological system just completely shuts down me i'm so sick of hearing this [ __ ] [ __ ] again with the neuroscience yeah yeah [Laughter] i gotta hear about wavelengths and neurons other women that can't say parallelogram [ __ ] me [ __ ] parallel vortex this deep space and she go with the algebra well i think he'd like that [ __ ] cause he thinks he's just no more than the [ __ ] and [ __ ] no but i like it though yeah you didn't but it was the last then we played the game up the same day then what three four months later we were married that's a lot of work to do with a little bit we went to vegas though went to the chapel some white man married us y'all was in there drinking [Music] uh and then she was official i said put him on and make him want to marry me i always wanted to say that [ __ ] what y'all doing for y'all i got to say that [ __ ] how did y'all celebrate but you know it was so cold in vegas so we really gotta like redo the [ __ ] all we did went back [ __ ] you know that one just [ __ ] like i want to be on the window i want to be in there with a tiger you know what i'm saying i want to do some more and [ __ ] that [ __ ] didn't even go down like that that [ __ ] go down like [ __ ] what the [ __ ] tigers ever gonna [ __ ] a tiger together y'all oh i wanna do here it was so cold and basically you ain't need to do the vegas drugs you must don't know how big a damn tiger is mm-hmm i wanted to find out and i want to do some drugs only thing they had was dog i'm not weird dude on the strip street i'm putting my i'm putting my weed out here no i didn't want to do some chocolate i don't do drugs so you know i got my husband you know what did that you want to get a husband and start doing drugs they got married and i got hooked on crack as soon as i got married i said i'm so happy you know what i don't you say that stupid [ __ ] look how you look but i'm dead for real though i believe that's the [ __ ] up part he was down with it too your spirit really you'll say my spirit told me yes so y'all know i just had my first coming special oh okay man if it ain't cold i [Laughter] my spirit told me it was at uptown it was sold out people had they had to turn people around because it went almost seats man man let me tell you i was so overwhelmed with this like i knew i knew probably about 50 60 tickets probably get sold but every ticket was sold in that [ __ ] and then when you know what you have you're about 50 or 60. you girl you're more popular than that y'all but i ain't thinking you know it's pandemic then it was thirsty then it was raining i like default might not come out like that man but this is what this is the shocker now i've been doing comedy seven years now right this whole vip side and this side was my hood yeah everybody from bulk rock was in this [ __ ] yeah they was waiting on you i was like then [ __ ] ain't never came that's your moment they wanted to make sure they was there for that moment that they were like okay just do one let me go on here i should just be it man everybody like [ __ ] ain't even graduate we don't got no folk but yeah and they still showed up for me because you graduated that summer you ain't had to wait oh i ain't going to date with them i know this [ __ ] is doing well because you got a whole ass necklace yeah i mean this is it from green bruh okay shout out to man man he looking that so i'm i'm proud of that man this coming game i i really i about to cry now because i'm just like because y'all got me up here with y'all let me tell you get up here but [ __ ] been a long time [ __ ] like [ __ ] i don't know you thought it was gonna change on you not what you we keep the same [ __ ] around that been [ __ ] with us yeah i'll show you now what if we would have been calling you and [ __ ] and then you would have missed your date with the [ __ ] who said he wanted to marry you cause we didn't [ __ ] around and went over and you ain't get out of here at nine and then they had to work the next day that night that's true you gotta play most grown man got a lot of [ __ ] to do you know the time on went up right then he was like hey yeah it went forward that way yeah he didn't call him he didn't call home because you i got there but now i'm at work the [ __ ] i'm supposed to do yeah you meet me yeah by the time i make it back home and get back up and he'll be out then he came home about eight o'clock he said god damn it time to go to bed again i said god boy you check out him when i go back and find that episode i said some [ __ ] just like that i'm gonna find it go back and watch the first erica the dutchess episode just see how much go back to which one was that in the other trap the other trap she didn't want to break a bunch of episodes watch how much [ __ ] she was talking about that [ __ ] did everything i said then they showed up cut that grass come on put three nails in that mailbox and straighten it out so it ain't cooking no more then they cut down my goddamn [ __ ] fix that screen though so that [ __ ] over with no sound you can use yeah yeah andy fix that that knob on the sink to just spin around i'm gonna [ __ ] need to screw it um he that type of rear ain't young don't rock when you [ __ ] that's the worst [ __ ] that's the worst [ __ ] is this [ __ ] break i can't beat the dick to break the tongue and cheek didn't slip though fix the train watch but marriage is a beautiful thing i love it though that's what's up my kid's happy that's good he got kids yeah yeah they have it mm-hmm they're like we got a new mama oh she got themselves i don't know but they been hitting up [ __ ] so they might look at me a little bit oh my lord erica you're doing a terrible job yeah sir sir you don't have to be slanging your balls that your children are across the hallway yeah we're trying to play clock clock clock clock [Music] [Music] hey y'all get this [ __ ] together now we gotta get it come on we gotta get the [ __ ] out of here no [ __ ] you be screaming your wife said you got nipple ring i'm not listening to you i'm not listening to you do you know how little you are compared to a [ __ ] time do you know that it's a time don't because i want to i don't want to do no threesome [ __ ] that [ __ ] lame so you gonna [ __ ] the tiger man come out and be like yeah reeling with that tiger what is wrong with you he's gonna eat you don't i want to train tiger okay you think they got tigers that's training to [ __ ] people yeah i'll do it she think tony the tiger's gonna come out bro put that with some problems whatever the effect that [ __ ] happened on her is is too much she really think they got uh oh no don't do stuff like that you you're losing credibility well okay don't do stuff like that oh this lady is crazy she wants a [ __ ] tiger just want to do something different hey man that's way too different oh okay what what animal no no none oh [ __ ] women crazy enough yeah i just don't can't do no threesome i don't like dogs watching me i don't like dogs watching me me either get that dog down like they say it like you want some dick too get out of here it's like you didn't [ __ ] too long y'all still doing this he's not gonna stay tonight you ever had the dog yawn get your [ __ ] ass out of here dawg y'all in this [ __ ] man he's not doing nothing new dog pick up this don't let me go get the [ __ ] outta here hey hey hey what are you trying to say though get the [ __ ] out of here don't watch me i'm not a dog owner i'm just going to take it everywhere it's going to have a little vest on like then people do you have a little dog i was going to tell you about that do you think that dogs want some of these jobs that people will be giving them what kind of jobs emotional support like they'll like people want to travel with their dogs so they'll get like work like this support dog hell no service dog but the dog will be like brain wrestling no slavery respond like they take them real serious and be like you know i'm an emotional support dog i know when the [ __ ] said i just walk up behind him and just lick the inside of his car that's what i mean his hand they humans i'm sorry but they paul they got some big poles they they can't little i just but on the doctor look at humans as big dogs with lesser feelings right right right that's my rule so they should have like dogs as psychiatrists they do though and dogs know that but the only way that they know that it looked weird to us but it's totally normal to them they just sniff each other ass and they'd be like [ __ ] you're a lawyer dog what's up where you went to dog college at my party over there you know lucky they have their own way i really think i really think they do i really think um uh like fishes see don't talk to your dog to dogs humans are their pets no that's if your dog's out of control no i'm saying like dogs always look at themselves as like you don't like the same way you think you own a dog a dog owns you they think they own you yeah dogs be like come on man i gotta walk my human i might as well [ __ ] while we outside right that's if they train wrong that dog's be like i take him outside every day he don't never pee so i'll be trying to pee to show him what to do you not gonna pee man that's just so genius like what if when we leave dogs at home right you know you leave them out and they pee somewhere what what if that was their way of letting you know something happened you [ __ ] on this rug man that's where the [ __ ] happened i was trying to show you where the burglars were why did you pee cause man i'm telling you it was something happened right here that ain't had [ __ ] to do with i was just showing you with it with a ghost in your house off i think dogs just have a bigger purpose that's all i'm saying i think i think so too they mean something because these people get real attached to birds but look i mean i mean um [Laughter] you're talking about who get attached pirates pirates they love their birds now i can tell you about that bird well i just seen that on his post too he said people are getting too calm with knowing that pirates can talk yeah yeah but how do they talk though i was going to google it a whole bunch of [ __ ] they mimic what we say and they got the same some vocal chords yeah but they got their own but they was born like that though right they don't be programmed to amend people we don't know if they're the only ones that can talk what if all the other animals just refuse to speak to us because the way we've been behaving is humans i believe no they just want us to speak their language they're not going to talk to you on that [ __ ] you got to talk to that's why you got to talk to dogs like you talk to dogs right and don't understand dogs know if you if you if you not for the [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah do it i'm gonna let you in on something ever since i told you that white people dogs do [ __ ] that black people dogs don't they sent you videos they've been sending me some black dog white people dogs doing amazing [ __ ] i told you about the dog they know how to use a sword right yes tank that [ __ ] had the machete and he was on the ass dog he had it in his mouth so the dude working out swinging that [ __ ] that's the white dog so the other [ __ ] i think he was brazilian but no i'm telling you it might be like the dude working out why the dog hold his leg so he could do the sit up the dog jumping rope stretching they had another dog this [ __ ] was dancing to some [ __ ] nba young boy or some [ __ ] that money move hidden hidden better watch the whole wide hitter hit better watch who i hit oh dogs going crazy i've been seeing all the wild [ __ ] other videos from the dog holding the burrito sitting there watching tv with the white man just eating the being a dog white people dogs is amazing i just seen some tony baker he had something with the dog standing up but he was hiding the dog was hiding and [ __ ] yeah like oh did you see the what they are mammals we all members like so they got some kind of you have what because now you're breaking down the species and [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] don't let this [ __ ] fool you we are mammals is it there's a fungus in here like [ __ ] never mention me all the bad all the airborne bacteria is like oh so it's classism [Laughter] we're gonna get real specific as to what we are i personally my mother was a german my father was a bacteria jacob t germ don't get it twisted cause y'all seen what dolphins do right i think dolphins are um [ __ ] you know i've been watching all the [ __ ] our planet shows right okay they got some [ __ ] called the finless porpoise they had some that's [ __ ] it looked like a regular dolphin but it's a porpoise but it has no fans like like one of them fans is messing up that [ __ ] so it looked like the same [ __ ] you're used to seeing but then it don't and they just got a few of them hoes they just [ __ ] my mind up that ain't got [ __ ] to do with nothing but i was just i've been saying how many is it in the world it ain't a lot i'm just letting you know there's some [ __ ] in there that they don't even know about yet they just found out that wheels and dolphins and sharks they all be [ __ ] they got some hybrid ass fish out there oh i believe you man cause we had went fishing deep sea fishing and it was a fish that came out the water was with your face don't say that it did it because it's another [ __ ] that looked more like the fish out here no i didn't see a fish with some human teeth man that fish had a whole human face that's how you know they missing [ __ ] experiments somebody [ __ ] the fish yeah somebody i believe oh dolphin inserted some human sperm or some [ __ ] i think they jacked up in the ocean i think they do they're right no then that means we go in the ocean with whale sperm how big is that that [ __ ] got to be the size of a frog that's enough to get everybody pregnant yeah there's some [ __ ] that's exactly that's why it is saucy everybody man come on man but it's so that's where the real [ __ ] is ain't nobody been all the way under the ocean you know i ain't going it's too big i ain't going i don't want to go i'm not i don't want to go that far like that's out of space that's out of space too but i just i'm glad that that's that's that's where white people come in at we need them to go down there and tell us what the [ __ ] is down there cause if it was just us we would never know every time you say description every time we see a fish we'd be like man what the [ __ ] is that i don't know my [ __ ] stay the [ __ ] out that water so we're gonna keep it real the prettiest white fish stays down there you know i see that's what you were talking about earlier you all know what the [ __ ] [ __ ] look like in their eyes it might be beautiful than them they always gonna be beautiful in their eyes they see a bunch of successful black fish underwater thriving they're gonna be like it's terrifying it's terrifying it it crushes you it's too deep but what if there's a group of successful black fish at the bottom of the ocean they just never came to the top because of like ocean racism let us see those black fish you know i just imagined my hair while you said it i see a black fish right shiny right yeah you're real black but he got african designs on him with a um with a belt thing going around her head but where's the fish get a belt he's like a warrior a warrior fish yes he black he black i just seen that right you crazy as hell don't don't but i bet there's a whole population of black fish that we haven't seen yet you turn that into something it brought me a whole whole population of a lot of blessings but you know what i've been watching a lot of if you get a chance go watch some [ __ ] cartoons on youtube from back in the day these [ __ ] were so goddamn racist yeah y'all know where's not trying to change the subject um what's that show golden girls the older girls was raised oh my [ __ ] god the golden girl the golden girl better white them all them thank you for being my friend yeah travel down the road and back again them hoes racist blame which is one blank oh yeah blair's racism racism she was but why i'm from the south i don't have a confederate flag so we used to have slaves with people because she i would watch them keep their bones and then you have to watch it every morning i start saying this [ __ ] racist as [ __ ] bland just says some [ __ ] like oh my mother was getting my whip i like [ __ ] your will cause she thought they thought somebody broke in their house and it was a little black man and they [ __ ] i'm out of what [ __ ] said i might as well get my whip i said this show is racist and what was the lesson at the end of it you might you live with a 90 year old white lady who just walked in and out of street and some films blaming [ __ ] make sure you're a girl [Laughter] you mean to tell me we went through wrong with that for this you blame a black man nobody cares nabisco for real that's [ __ ] real hope you learned your lesson credit's wrong credit rose that [ __ ] real i ain't no they're racist they go back because when you wonder who was the [ __ ] who thought thousands of hours of racist cartoons was a good idea and now they try to actually don't exist i don't like how they try to embrace they trying to erase the races cause we waking up now see back then that [ __ ] was just so funny now [ __ ] was at work and they didn't have time to really sit there and pass and we ain't know what they were showing us i want reparations for them racist as cartoons we had to sit up and watch man that should be blackface little monkey children all that [ __ ] that used to be on nickelodeon remember bosco or whatever that was a little black face man come on man it's a lot of racing we just not waking up to this [ __ ] this [ __ ] crazy though man we should have been broke i don't know i ain't the type of [ __ ] that's gonna go racism hunting though i'm not no i don't either i don't need them what are they being racist is that play that song that's crazy i can't believe they said that racism on that song that i never was supposed to listen to because they didn't make it about me yeah i ain't finna go look for this y'all want no drama no kind of drama nowhere but it's out here though when it comes to me it just comes together when you look hard enough you'll see some racist [ __ ] everywhere everybody you ever like says the wrong [ __ ] sometimes even your black blue dr seuss we out of here why they just why they go after people this long gone dead or either [ __ ] that don't exist i know what they're doing that [ __ ] ain't even really though now i get it and now i know why they didn't like green eggs and ham you saw that because they were cooked by a [ __ ] i would not eat them here or there i would not eat them anywhere because that [ __ ] i don't like his hair get that [ __ ] up out of here i do not like green eggs and ham because that's what [ __ ] eat i would not eat them with a box of the fox who had green and bread i do not want your [ __ ] food i do not mean to be rude no this [ __ ] racist is [ __ ] oh that [ __ ] is so true here's a [ __ ] but i wonder like like all [ __ ] aside though all [ __ ] aside the cat in the head is trying to steal your house man doctor who's right there about it dna dr seuss used to do menstrual show [ __ ] he did that's how he got it started the head is uh dressed up like some mystery showcase what i like why did she come from because he traded in his black face i've been wondering he's so mad though man you mad no i ain't mad about that but i just hate this [ __ ] going down like that no that's just the way the world in the world live i just wonder why you had to be like that though and i ain't gonna change as soon as that pursues racism [ __ ] came back it's changing we changing it though you just can't see the change my thing is made that [ __ ] more valuable though as far as certain laws we can do that but as far as the individual who don't like to color your skin nothing you won't ever be able to do it yeah they're gonna die they'll get up out of here they're gonna die but they all gonna die yeah eventually eventually and then you know we're gonna keep going we ain't gonna stop and if we do the right thing if everybody do the right thing on they end then that [ __ ] work out yeah that's the hardest part staying black yeah you got to stay and you are in that um unite i choose to stay black but you're not even going to alice alice who alex rolex horlicks alex leave me alone erica you [ __ ] tiger tiger [ __ ] here welcome today's [Applause] i know what you say kirk franklin wait a minute i'ma look right at the camera and tell the world come on man kirk franklin ain't this [ __ ] wrong what did he do franklin they did [ __ ] wrong bro everybody who everybody cuts everybody who know they real daddy they got cussed out for being for thinking you're growing it don't matter how old you are you could be 33 37. but it's something why because they ass out so bad if they record some [ __ ] and get you and put it on the internet you're gonna be mad in the muffin and i know some lame ass [ __ ] you don't tell on your [ __ ] daddy man hold on i don't need to take this [ __ ] i thought about it you just got to take that cussing out you got to take that l well when i heard kurt franklin say that but i was just so proud like i don't know what made me so proud maybe because folk be saying you know i'm gonna tell you what why i was so proud because kirk franklin was exactly the [ __ ] you thought he was he's a [ __ ] at the end of the day he's a man he's a black man that [ __ ] said with your [ __ ] ass i want to hear the first part don't let that church [ __ ] get you [ __ ] up excuse me i'm not at church right now i got time to put my foot in your ass okay expeditiously that [ __ ] was funny though that [ __ ] said with your [ __ ] at then you go to it pay your son look like a little [ __ ] a little bit you're on track kirk for out of everybody to try to kirk franklin man well he lament held over i would have never did that then you can tell he edited the part out he ain't 140 here the whole conversion one yeah they can be trying to play something my daddy cuts me out like a little she's like a little baby and you're 33 years old boy i know something that [ __ ] damaged your a dash and boy my kids should be the one pointing out yeah you try to damage yourself i cuz mine's all so bad i've been wanting to hear kurt franklin cut somebody out you know i just hated had to be his son you know we're gonna be i think i don't know i wanted to hear kirk franklin because but i hope he get a movie role now he got the cards he got to cut a lot same little jacket [ __ ] don't now like that's what kirk franklin has done a lot of positive [ __ ] nice things in the community he knows he was a voice of reason and a lot of things he didn't know no problem of of you know the spirituals yeah we human we gon we gonna [ __ ] up i mean ain't nobody perfect man christian baptist whatever i don't i don't you know he that doesn't disqualify anything he has done it don't it don't it don't think it increased his demand who not gonna do who preacher don't curse at some point it's the thing about it they say they say if you think no he's not a pastor he is a gospel music artist he is my face the gospels um instructor like the goddess that's all he did seeing how his hands go yeah that's what there we go that's why we telling folks it's other people's imperfections that make you cuss them out i cut people out all the time i'm not going to not curse you right now yeah yeah i had my um somebody in my family one time gonna tell me you don't need to be doing that coming like that you need to come and do gospel on coming i said for what come and do that for what what what they gonna change god gave me a gift this is my gift i'm gonna this how communicate with my people these are my people this is how i taught this i relate to them what makes me more what's the difference if i i don't need churches you know what i'm saying you know what i tell you you know how you make your your list of rules in life oh my listeners don't [ __ ] tell me what to do hey that's my thing and it's simple like i don't have to explain anything yeah don't tell me what to do don't be trying to don't me that's one thing too i like about my husband too because i said any [ __ ] that i cuz i i've been singing for a long time but i said any [ __ ] dating that [ __ ] but i got a joke for you i'ma cut that [ __ ] ass off [ __ ] don't be telling me what the [ __ ] you got not no joke [ __ ] don't do that why you looking at me like that i just didn't so like if they try to get you like like oh you should say this yeah say this on stage we're gonna stay like [ __ ] what oh this is a turn after me yeah that's that's comedy though that's that's how you gonna be in comedy you know where to turn me up what [Music] yeah yeah yeah yeah do i care you're not i think that i don't care it's just like you don't care okay they funny when you make [ __ ] steaks all day you don't want to eat a steak at the end of the day man right [ __ ] we serving up [ __ ] steaks we come to the house we want goddamn salmon something different and you trying to serve us i don't even like talking about other [ __ ] and you can't yeah yeah yeah i don't know i don't know like in any field of [ __ ] people somebody go oh everybody gonna feel like that you're not about to be in the studio like you know who a good rapper right another [ __ ] that'd be rapping no that's saying that you ain't good what that other [ __ ] you ever met him hey hey you good he good he came down here one day i wasn't here that day yeah but i mean don't kind of mean like that bro you wouldn't go to mcdonald's and be like hey you know burger king okay what's up [ __ ] let me do my thing you do your thing if i want to talk to you about it [ __ ] let me talk to you about it but i don't know somebody had told me they were like marriage and comedy ain't gonna work why not marriage is comedy who said it a comedian being that's not married right why you be listening to people i mean they just put that well i said it shut your stupid ass up [ __ ] without the [ __ ] that you doing i always got advice on how to do the [ __ ] everyday indeed don't even listen to people who ain't funny that's that's some good comedy advice you know that's the criteria yeah they have never made you laugh there is no good advice okay that's true the [ __ ] would you listen to somebody who's not even good at what you do i know what we're trying to tell you you can't keep your job listening to the [ __ ] who don't work there and i don't know i got my own little thing i go by i like that this is my own little thing right here this my i got i got my own yes and this is my little thing right here it's a big thing right here [ __ ] that's what she's saying come on i'll be here all weekend but this is a big thing right here i'm so proud of y'all though and y'all be holding it down low you hold it [ __ ] that ain't nobody here what that means i'm just saying i was just like keep the cameras going keep it going like it don't start and that's good then y'all still got that same team up here man that's a good thing like being like having a team and people just everybody playing a part ain't nobody getting mad about what position somebody else is in yeah i beat up one of these [ __ ] a week you said i'm saying that would keep [ __ ] going somebody get beat the [ __ ] up that's why i ain't no more groups austin told me you got a slapping [ __ ] sometimes even when they ain't dead [ __ ] via james brown story that's what i took away from him and anyway [ __ ] man sometimes i'll just be like i look at j.o in and i just jump over there like what the [ __ ] was that for music too got damn loud i ain't slapping nobody a long time i don't even know the last time i got to fighting with somebody you know you can't be slapping people now once you expect once you special you special you understand you gotta get somebody else designated slapper to slap somebody for real like if you've grown and you're handling your business you really don't even know nobody well enough to beef with them when you're watching where all this socializing comes from you've got all these goddamn enemies i know somebody to be on favor they're relative everyday drama i'm like how can you live like this every day something going on with you your in your family or your life why are they on facebook telling them about it what telling them folks about it like they can do something about it oh god jacob my goddamn mama out sister ain't [ __ ] got their nephew got locked up for selling dope out my highlight people get caught up in the hype of social media attention [ __ ] them people i told you yeah be looking for that i'm so glad i'm just i ain't never i ain't never gave a [ __ ] about none of that i don't be you don't give a [ __ ] about now i don't give a [ __ ] by none of that they probably the third [ __ ] i don't post it on my page and [ __ ] i don't know i don't be standing on that stuff that [ __ ] is other people addicted to that [ __ ] this is a lovely love you put this all on the page yeah mickey my man with his birthday clothes he's so funny he sleeps i play sleep yeah i do [ __ ] with him though we better go to sleep y'all tonight facebook i ain't even know that [ __ ] was gonna last like that though i did i like that [ __ ] really dealing with a [ __ ] well look you always know that you got free marriage counseling right here we got we got you covered yeah we get great advice yeah well i need something all you got to do is do the opposite can i ask y'all something right now about about men or just in in general relationships okay relationships right communication let's talk about it let's talk about it men don't like to communicate i already know because we don't have we don't like the way that our brain work and retain information is we only remember the [ __ ] that we give a [ __ ] about so we can't sit here and tell you the whole rundown of a lot of [ __ ] but we just be like she was stupid [ __ ] up i ain't mad i ain't tripping for that [ __ ] like we're very short until the point indirect like yeah sometimes women give a [ __ ] more about [ __ ] than we do we do we more emotional yeah it ain't about we don't have alone like a lot of [ __ ] happen but a lot of [ __ ] ain't important in the average man life so if i have a long drawn now explanation of the who what why how how much how this gonna affect me what i'm trying to do just trying to get some good communication skills what i said is what it is that's all it is that it means something else men are very direct about what they want it don't take a whole lot of explanation when i tell you what it is don't get offended at what's been told to you ain't nobody attacking you you [ __ ] get offended about not doing [ __ ] right because they'd be well don't be telling me to do that i was about to do that how the [ __ ] would i know you about to do some [ __ ] that mean you want me to think ahead of you but see this is the best way to communicate with a man tell them what you want that we spend now we spend most of communication that [ __ ] you spend too much time trying to guess what the [ __ ] you talking about be direct and say it say what the [ __ ] is wrong don't don't all right or ask for what you want or say this is what i want be direct don't take it and take the emotion out of it and don't think just because that's the thing emotional emotion like women we are very emotional because he'll be like one time he's lit up and sounds like your foot how you feel you've got all these feelings not like they say that to me see this the thing about this that's what it is this is what it looked like to him oh my god it's like god damn you feel what the oh my god you was going off before that you were going off before that and then he said i don't give a [ __ ] about your feelings and then you tried to flip it to where oh my god you gonna say [ __ ] to me you said [ __ ] to me [Applause] how you feeling what are we doing in this relationship [Applause] she acted like her feeling shattered on the ground oh so did that make sense that makes a lot of sense i didn't see that because you know when you're in a moment and you have a situation then somebody said [ __ ] your feelings oh like just just keep it in my mouth don't see if you wanted to take when we say something y'all want to make it harsh to make it more harsh y'all apply it to everything even though it's about what we're talking about right now oh my bad see we talking about right now but why y'all that part of algebra they're like this part is understood oh it's honestly a problem with women when they start giving you the answer then you got to solve the problem that's when life gets wrong man that's when life got crazy you still move the integer so i got to stay within the money this is another thing don't think that a man is supposed to give a [ __ ] about everything you give a [ __ ] about we give a [ __ ] about the [ __ ] you tell us that's important okay this is birthday all right let me give a [ __ ] today like we don't have a whole list of priorities or [ __ ] we really give a [ __ ] about our job is to keep y'all alive keep some food in that [ __ ] as long as everybody else have it we pretty much straight but if you happen with the [ __ ] that you've been getting and then all of a sudden you ain't happy no more what the [ __ ] is wrong with you god damn right i'm out here getting money we're very good we can [ __ ] with what you're saying i'm trying to give a [ __ ] about my feelings you wanted a new refrigerator in the house there's a food now this ain't enough but you don't goddamn it big big what you want what you want right and then you and then to that point you can't go back to that one time especially once we just talked about it and we didn't got past but you said that one time you like how we gonna go back to that when we talked about that you knew what we meant in it yeah cause if you love a [ __ ] don't bring up his old last dips you won them yeah yeah you want all them arguments don't bring them but you have wrong ones like you want what you want what you want the you want you want the [ __ ] to work so say what the [ __ ] it mean don't let a [ __ ] have to give stop trying to think for everybody you trying to think ahead you trying to think oh he did this so he thinks that y'all be in there on the chalkboard in your brain doing the long equation right about some [ __ ] okay so february 14th so basically 89 double [ __ ] shortest path to your happiness dad hey y'all gave me some this this on priceless [ __ ] most of the time my [ __ ] is down to fix whatever the problem is we just gotta know what the problem is what is it and then when we find out what the problem is it's a problem so small that now we mad to the [ __ ] that it took too long to get to this problem so now we crazy this is what the [ __ ] we talking about what is wrong with you talking about a canned soda it's not about the soda it's about how you say it you didn't say nothing i don't like it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah walking in the house cute and you don't say man you still watching the tv cause you ugly [Laughter] we don't give a [ __ ] i gotta come up with hey remember one time i went got the ball man we don't like it hey man sometimes what it looked like though that's your ugly [ __ ] it was like door a little i was a boy it was a ball i think a lot of [ __ ] over complicated us man [ __ ] yeah hey i think it's just the emotions of the women they might make things a little complex see women get to be about 31 [ __ ] throughout the year they change up every new outfit little house now they get to be different [ __ ] we don't like all of y'all we don't like everybody you pretending to be if a [ __ ] met you with brave that's the one he liked some of that i'm not doing i'm not about to treat the cute [ __ ] with the braids the same way i'm treating you with this goddamn uh turtle it's not for us right you not hurt i'm sorry right your ass was better than summer with them braids as soon as you took the braids out you lost a little ass so that would it be him like who are you today oh now you're going through your nicki minaj come on but who you doing it for because we'll tell you what we like y'all be like y'all be like what the [ __ ] do you know and then you do the [ __ ] that somebody else told you is what we like and it don't work out like this and then this is what this is what they doing now who the [ __ ] is they who's that and where the [ __ ] are you bring you back bring you back you he may even try to be a little honest this time i'm going to get some braid i'm going to get the jumbo nightly like now i don't get them no more there you go jumbo the john boys they don't get that that's the communication my girl had too many one time i said come on now ain't nobody go big girl never came back that's the funniest [ __ ] that ever happened you walk up to your girl how about you get your hand there today i did oh [Laughter] oh no you better not do me like that oh i'm like oh [ __ ] baby we like how we like you gotta find somebody that can laugh at you when that type of [ __ ] happened when when you come down you could tell sheldon like that little hairstyle you were like yeah is that how you walk in there shut the [ __ ] up then i stay down after about one o'clock in the morning in the hood mccannerville but women's so pitted i seen the chick take her hairstyle down cause a [ __ ] says something on facebook the lady who did her hair what she said you know how they be you know women to post the [ __ ] and they're like don't judge me i don't like it but it's cool who did it says something it was under the little post like i didn't what you said at the shop yeah no i'm gonna hear you know well you know when [ __ ] show up and they hand wash and then it ain't even really long enough to break you do what you can yeah [ __ ] in another thing i'm his auntie i know him for real yeah i used to do like a little virtual comedy show at your house yeah at my house i remember saying that yeah i did that making [ __ ] i'm a fan yes i watched yes yes i had that at my house so you know folding their comments saying that [ __ ] somebody might say something about my fans my brother got a [ __ ] don't let me pull up where you at [ __ ] [ __ ] i said hey brother it's not that serious don't don't kill these folk they [ __ ] they gonna talk they're gonna talk but yeah let my dad be on my facebook your dad he don't understand the real concept of how this work he'll be under the comment like carlos this your daddy do he do it like it's the d.o it's me again oh dude he don't say personal [ __ ] on that dude he just always come here hey man it don't matter what it is it's just so funny man this social media hey man this is your daddy bro i can't believe you said that my son craig all right my dad don't be on man i do he don't come to none of my show you don't need them now no i don't at this point and maybe he don't know you know what you know he don't [ __ ] with it or you don't you don't wanna hear me cuz i'm gonna hear you cuz that's what you say oh oh okay you gotta go over there and just start cussing out yeah i had to ring my mommy that way your slow ass set ain't custom out here in that dude they get with it once you get started not like that he don't even know how to cuss he's such a white person when it comes to cursing my daddy what does that mean erica dagnabbit what is it he might he say [ __ ] like that blessed it oh [ __ ] like you don't know how to cuss like i know how to cuss hard like my mama had a cuss you don't know how to cuss but i don't even know why i cuss on my because my mama don't really cuss like that and my daddy don't really cuz at all it's because you're intelligent they say i get it for my auntie intelligent people say a lot of [ __ ] curse words you just did a whole goddamn 16 no i did i don't that's a that's one of them that's the turning point in the movie why don't you ever come to my shows cause i don't want to eat cursing okay yeah though my sister say that lame and [ __ ] trying to add like baby i'm the [ __ ] that gets [ __ ] popping if his [ __ ] [ __ ] damn ass you [ __ ] when you're in my house [ __ ] that pops whether you like it or not these words get me paid jack so you think you're the first person to ever get paid you're the first person with money [ __ ] in this family you're throwing your life away sir look at me you're throwing your life away when i tell you to pick up them 100 bills out the trash next time this is the last time you seeing me jack i'm gonna cuss my way to start and you can believe that [ __ ] [ __ ] you get out of my house [ __ ] i'm already gone mama's laughing you see it works mama's laughing look at mama she's laughing it works you don't want to admit that it works it's working charles it's working you goddamn right listen to the [ __ ] mama you're not going to talk to me like this in my house charles mother furniture just say [ __ ] manny uh y'all chemistry is unmatched and y'all [ __ ] ain't wrote no movie yet we just did we did but we just right there drink on it let's start some money one of my favorite shows that i've seen coming up it was about to do who's thought it was a look like hbo movie about the dudes who started breast implants i feel like we need to do um some type of movie just about those who love titties or something but dudes who get their dream job and they win like a profit and competition and get an internship at like victoria's secret or something or just to come up with a new bra secure the titties or something you really love titties you want to make it like an old like skinner max movie yeah where it ain't hardcore but the titties are tastefully done right tastefully done yeah we're going over and beyond just for titties man do you understand the nipple if we can get this bra right for the ladies with the chunky areola it'll never work man it's gonna work but look though they're gonna be showing y'all like if let's say if the um if it's mess cause you know some women don't have them that's what that's the turning point in the movie yeah a lot of women don't have our friend our homegirl she got the perfect type of nipples that we need to finish this bruh yeah why didn't y'all just say something yeah you know you got some women they got the nipples and they point out that's why we need to be smoke titties it needs to be they go down no i'm just talking about the nipple the nipple you know like the little round part but some of them got extensions to them and they stick out yeah they they got they got two nipples got two phases like it'd be like the regular size and then they like like they come on with that extension that's the hardest game tonight i didn't heard this [ __ ] the nipples got extension they do they got like standos on the nipple you gotta extend those nipples they do they do they do and they very long [Laughter] it's a skitter max movie it's somebody one [Laughter] all right it's this black dude who has some money for this this drug dealer right and then he'd give him the money back all the money that he left him back and he didn't steal none of it so he's handsomely rewarded with this money he's been protecting and it changed his life total chaos i'm thinking will smith on this one maybe jamie foxx okay so is it um where is it set okay i see jamie okay give me a second here because what i'm about to tell you may sound a little crazy negroes in the future it's it's hard sell it's not in the future it's in 1994. what were negroes doing at that time nobody knows that was fruit knee time untouched arrow oh there we go okay i was freaking out i've heard of this especially since hollywood just found out they losing about a trip 10 trillion dollars or some [ __ ] 10 what is it yeah it's like not putting us in here not letting us make movies missing out it's a whole demographic they missing products oh yeah that's what's going on trillions trillions they're missing and they're giving up trillions they're not good being so racist they just don't even want to make it they don't want that money imagine leaving trillion dollars on the table because you don't feel like letting black people uh direct and do the whole production all right i got another one on the pitch but making their movies harder to sell because you're worried about how [ __ ] gonna do on the globe [ __ ] because [ __ ] it's gonna be a little harder because the title is kind of shifted but think e.t right e.t but with a black family now the kicker in this one is e.t never returns home he actually grows up and goes to high school his name becomes t.t and he actually grows up and becomes a star basketball player on the team and he's just explained that he just has severe eczema [ __ ] and it works out to his advantage please hold your brain man that's the thing he's a basketball prodigy because he stands right at about at full growth seven foot six inches that's crazy the only thing about it is he has seven toes on each foot which makes him ineligible to go to college so that's what he can play basketball exactly the whole point of this move is for him to have the senior city like a senior year good enough for him to go straight to the nba and he's 18 so he's perfectly capable of doing so it's an allegory of sorts yes but the only thing is he's distracted because girl in the school and she's about to go to you know like fam you or some [ __ ] and she's not really interested in being in a long-distance relationship with e.t because she kind of figured something was up with her but it's like he want to keep her so he tells her that like hey i'm special i'm e.t and she's like man whatever i didn't already accepted your skin so now it's not the right time for you to be like insecure your skin yeah because he he still looks like bt but he does she think he just got it she really think he's just a project dude all right whatever okay scratch the whole whatever you you want them to call the sci-fi channel yeah okay i'm just throwing [ __ ] out here i got something for every network he got something what you got for abc abc check this out america has an obsession with property let me line this up properly with thick black women okay we need a big black southern woman cooking competition well not only they prepare food but they just compliment each other throughout the whole thing nobody can compliment you like i got it i got it is is church ladies is the women of brewster's place meet the british i'm thinking more like who's the best bruce the place with the british can you beat bobby flay okay competition but you got to throw the nice compliments in there so the british version where they not me yeah i think gordon ramsay not that cussing people out [ __ ] it's got to be like i'm having a quite good time tonight right good time making a talk but now that's the best southern black british because that's i'm saying that's the competition but then they real southern black ladies and they go on and they like baby baby abc but i want fox to have yeah they're more like a boss that's more like farts because they got the hill kitchen [ __ ] okay so abc boom this is where they had thea right thea had a show all right once again america has an obsession with big black women what i'm doing to get a sick huh yep bringing monique over there that's what i'm picking another one yeah monique is going to pick up where where roseanne left off remember okay remember roseanne yeah yeah yeah but they took her off the show yeah yeah they took off the show like she is she did the parties already right she so she know what to do right so look the let's just change the whole cast right you you want to do it so no that's a monique be money who would we have for um dan um older daddy well i i was just thinking right in the pier i don't know if that's gonna work well if that's if that's the route we gotta go to do this it's not gonna work okay [Laughter] you know why it's not gonna i can't get into why it's not gonna work let's just scrap that let's just scratch the whole thing we spit ball in here let's just go back let's just go back maybe not make okay so let's just pitch the concept i don't have to get specific with this with the cast they think think thick black woman okay okay cool jazzy snazzy intro for some reason okay visualize with me she's cooking breakfast a lot of times i see a lot of breakfast on this okay but the breakfast is the glue that holds the show together everything's chaotic [ __ ] need this time to eat again [Applause] and that's one thing that i think that we are missing shows with big black women okay i just came up y'all know like the um what's that when they be fighting mm-hmm uh-uh when the girls be fighting that reality show oh that girl girls club yeah right ho ho club huh no not o-ho's [Laughter] no this is what i'm i'm seeing i did like what you saying with a thick girl i'm trying to find a network i didn't want to say like big women i'm just saying just like flushers yeah yeah those women okay we get them curvaceous okay like he was saying with the complimenting each other this is what the whole thing is supposed to be about a whole bunch of voluptuous women and they're supposed to compliment one another but you're gonna have a hey nas one that's the breaking point that's already understood uni had to include that in the pitch okay yeah yeah shady busy yeah okay i can see that too it's a show about black mechanics first episode first season they don't even have to fix nothing it's just a a whole rundown of them telling people what's wrong with that okay i fixed it you know [ __ ] like that that she was great cool injury got to come out of there that [ __ ] is great now i knew when bobby pulled up i could smell the [ __ ] man you need to do something with all this in your head you got a lot of [ __ ] in your head it's first season that was fixed [ __ ] in the season two season two fix the [ __ ] that's wrong and then show you what else they found wrong then three is paying season three don't nobody pay the season three because that's a holding up hey man i know your car been up here but it's ready man it's one o'clock in the morning all right i got a storage fee starting right now you can't ready they need more black shows though we missing that country you know what else okay think national geographic old black people fishing just giving you life advice come on at one o'clock in the morning give you life advice right light yeah yeah yeah yeah you know these young people being such a hair and just you know falling in love and things man yeah enjoy your life you know you find you a nice woman who clean and take up air you enjoy our company there you go there you go i knew that something beautiful over there hold on one sec yeah [ __ ] like that what let me tell you something your mind is you have like a million dollar mind that's why i'm putting this out now so they can see it and they'll be ready my microphone [ __ ] up again nope that shouldn't have fell off man your tape ain't [ __ ] kid hold on wait wait a minute i could do it i got it i got it just believe in me one time believe me believe it just tape ain't sticking though we gotta get you some stickier tape my man how i sound sound better sound like the titties right now hey yo son the tapes stay sticky what what y'all having on papers oh we got some comments i mean you know what you had bruce bruce on here i know man i love you our birthday the same day february 4th so somebody said bruce bruce is an icon that should be protected by all means much respect yes this podcast is for everybody who grew up watching bruce bruce but didn't know he had a 40 year old son these [ __ ] be young cat chef james said they never gonna let long-ass short pants die they stay giving cat hair cat got the longest shorts you ever seen yeah it says youngest son about 35 or something like that okay everybody does i wish i was i went into comedy when it was at the five five nine yeah we didn't have over that sleep you see that bro this is this podcast this they said this podcast is for j.o and he over there look like he just need a hug that [ __ ] is high most of the time i don't know why people act like you the stepson around here but that [ __ ] be cool and hat he just be cheating hey man y'all think i'd just be saying random [ __ ] but somebody said yes sir this podcast is for blind people that can only hear the show and still be cracking up with a lot of enthusiasm hey look who wrote the comment he did how did he know what he got blind you know they got his keyboard thing what rachel had they can go to the atm hey shout out to this guy his screen name is john wilson said this podcast is what keep military deployment life just a little easier to get through stay blessed shout out to everybody in the military [Music] yeah this says i'm from the uk london and when i see this black unity it makes me so happy for older young the young show respects to the old you always show respect to the young eh this is the blessing we love our british for everybody that's gonna wait until the last minute to get the damn vaccine that's crazy that this is a comment that was selected that's crazy i just edited that out they might flag the whole video about some [ __ ] like that beat the end do that oh somebody said they love us bruh that's it he's done something that's it yeah i love it yeah you saw stacy's dad trying to be black again yeah [ __ ] off she said she's sorry no do y'all just have to apologize no no what you sorry what you were doing no you were sorry what are you doing you know what i'm doing wrong no don't come back over here no little stacey what you gonna be in now uh-uh no we ain't got nothing for you no not right now no maybe not maybe not never no you don't say no no no you can't see her oh no who else down counts all that [ __ ] everybody counts i know um what about that girl um from wilding out who she sent an apology letter to everybody she apologized to who me me uh the um the rapper girl you know the one who went to waddling out and were crying and [ __ ] she you said she sent her um because apparently now she engaged so she wrote a letter out to everybody that she was sorry to uh who own she just wrote out and put on the internet all the lists of people that she want to apologize to who she apologizes for y'all i know we were never looking for it i know because she tripped because it wasn't nothing i understand she spaz i would apologize to everybody but everybody ain't worried about it you meant to do yeah i love you i don't want oh yeah that's what the thing carlo i used to be all in dm especially when y'all had the 805 style show here in atlanta i like shout out let me get like five minutes for the ladies you know what i'm saying represent and she said sing what you're trying to say well you ain't letting them get back you know apply bad statements then i didn't not on the deck i called it phone then i sent him a tip like hey bro let me get like five minutes we in the city then my city you know what i'm saying in my city too let me get five minute represent for the lady but what what do you mean represent cause you got all foreign openers men well what you mean what you mean represent for the ladies yes you wasn't with me shooting in the gym [ __ ] i was a little bit oh not when i was in the gym not when you're in a gym pub i was in the court [ __ ] i was on the court [ __ ] nobody don't be out there like you frightened me like hey what hey you [ __ ] at me you think i was planning my [ __ ] like man i hope eric will show up at the blue and do one do five minutes no i said it before when i knew y'all were coming to i seen the list of the show that were coming look i i went and shot my shot in yeah then now like yeah come on that e i came up there i like hey i'm here yeah [Laughter] one more outburst i'm gonna have to ask you to leave i know y'all see yeah yeah now he's okay that's what's up mm-hmm that's what's up if it's look just know this if there's some traffic on 285 and then somebody say i'm 15 minutes away and we know they really ain't and you they're already we're gonna be like come on airplane just go ahead and start tomorrow damn that's not sure to listen damn give me your idea of where the list was at you all the that that's the list that's throw out danny so you mean to tell me that ain't better than when you go to the restaurant and try to get the table and they're like huh take this and we'll let you know we'll buzz that [ __ ] when it's time i told you exactly where you were at on the list this [ __ ] shorter than the barbershop line i got one more than you yeah you phrasing like that i know that was a bigger part of the chat i got one more than you that's me yeah you gonna go you on with the person who don't [ __ ] with you when [ __ ] don't [ __ ] with you don't show up then the [ __ ] that you know lawyer you were like let me call e she gonna pull up whatever you're gonna be able to get there faster than them because your husband could just pull you right up and drop them i'm gonna park your car get my name baby oh yeah no but we appreciate you coming through and [ __ ] with us man we gotta get the [ __ ] out of here congratulations in life yes and i got my david bannon knife let me see open it up damn that [ __ ] ain't playing why did he give you that because we're from mississippi and we need [ __ ] oh yeah i forgot don't be black

Channel: The 85 South Comedy Show

Views: 398,548

Keywords: nigerian, comedy, dcyoungfly, karlousmiller, mtv2, wildnout, podcast, chicobean, kevinhart, dc young fly podcast, 85 south show new, 85 south show time, karlous miller podcast, chico bean podcast, 85 south podcast, funny comedy show, black

Id: Am3F8JyT0zM

Length: 113min 24sec (6804 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 06 2021