[fake crying] [fake crying] T: Oh! M: Did that hit you right in the nuts? T: Yeahahas [laughter] M: Ahhh! M: Ow.. Fuck M: [gondolier impression]
♪It's a me, Markioso, making pizza♪ M: [gondolier impression]
♪with my friends!♪ All: [gondolier impression]
♪And we love Italy♪ All: [gondolier impression]
♪with our hearts♪ All: [gondolier impression]
♪and our hands♪ All: [gondolier impression]
♪when we make pizza♪ All: [gondolier impression]
♪we make love♪ M: Hi! It's me, Markiplier M: We spent 10 hours doing this intro and we're just gonna roll with it! M: Because we just came from I-tal-iano and we're here to share with you the secrets of pizz-ah M: Which if you didn't know originates from ancient... M: Estonia. M: Yes! M: Estonia M: Where the history of stone-baked pizza came from M: If you think back in your family everybody probably has a recipe for pizza M: But we do not. M: We are what you call... pizza inept M: We're pizza 'blind' M: We don't know... M: We never knew... M: We never saw... M: But we believe that anything is possible M: and through dreams we can make pizzas come to LIFE! M: And with me is my friend Tyler M: "The cheese" Scheid M: When you think of that creamy delicious melty cheese with oozing suave nature of it... M: I can't help but think of Tyler... M: And his chiselled... features M: And then who among them can even possibly best that M: ETHAN M: "The crust" Nestor... M: Oh yes... M: The very same as the one who made the pancake so many eons ago... M: Who knew he was so talented? M: Who knew he was so handsome?! M: Who knew?! M: How tasty he could really be? M: I did... M: You wanna k-know. You wanna know why? [slaps the table] M: IT'S ME!! M: Markiplier.. M: "The sausage" [Ethan laughs] M: Spit was not required on that one M: Yes! I know! Shocked as you may be... M: Back from the dead my sausage shall not be killed!! M: And I am here to tell you the secrets M: We may not be able to make pizza on our own, but combined! M: I think we can unlock the secrets M: And may the best man make the best pizza M: Here are the rules M: We have the ingredients to make the pizza here M: And we have this easy yeast M: To allow us not hindered by our blindness.. M: We have three minutes M: To make the best crust we possibly can. M: And when that time is done then we shall have to place toppings upon it. M: And make pizza. M: Are you ready?! M: This is so serious! E: Yeah, yeah, yeah M: Don't laugh M: Are you ready?! T: Of course! M: Good... M: Then shall we begin? M: Three! M: Two! M: One! M: Boop! M: Ehh... M: Oh that's so weird... E: Called yeast... M: Are those like actual bacteria in there..? M: No time! Gotta go!
[Ethan laughs] M: Live! M: Oh, I didn't warm it M: That's good enough M: Live! M: Live!! M: Live yeast! Live! M: Ehhh M: [gondolier impression]
♪Italiano♪ M: [gondolier impression]
♪Etemio♪ M: [gondolier impression]
♪La-da-di-da♪ M: Pweh! M: Wait, I got this one, I got this one M: Nailed it! M: Do a side by side on that one guy doing it! M: Exactly. Excuse me E: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry M: As the ancient I-talians used to say.. M: Grunting makes the dough. M: So you grunt-
E: [grunting] M: Yeah, there you go M: Why are you trying to make eye contact when you're doing that? E: [whispers inaudibly] M: No, only with Tyler... [moaning] M: Euheugh M: Take it! Take it all! M: Anybody know what movie that's from? E: Uh, uh, Beauty and the Beast.? M: No M: Wrong! M: [gondolier impression]
♪It's a mio♪ [Ethan laughs] M: Time? Kathryn in the background: 10 seconds M: Oh boy! [grunting, music speeds up] M: Dough down! [Ethan and Mark giggling] T: [laughing] Oh my God! M: That's so tiny... E: I don't know what I did... [old action-style noise] M: Ohh! M: The Italian gods have blessed us! M: This spread appeared like magic in front of us M: So, I think what we need to do is M: W-We need to take the ingredients and we need to put this on our pizza! E&T: [whispering] Yes, yes M: Because we've been allowed- we're on the right track! M: But... how to proceed? We've got so many things. I guess- M: We all must go our separate ways now M: Before we do that M: I wanna... I wanna judge here M: That's a really nice dough M: That dough though E: Fantasic! Not just good, great.
T: I'm- I am really M: I feel like you're trying to hide it, is the thing with the flour E: I don't know what you're talking about.
[laughter] E: What dough?
M: Ah yeah, that's my question. E: What's this dough that you're referring to? M: Alright. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna do the toppings. M: We're gonna - we have free form. This is art. Artistic expression. M: Wherever we get to do, whatever we need to do, and we'll do that. M: And then we do that and then that's the way it will be done. M: Make sense? E: Mhmm M: Is your pack still on? How's your ass? E: Oh, I don't know, how's my ass? M: Oh, you're low on battery!
E: Oh no! M: Oh you're good, how am I? E and T: Oh, you're good! M: Yeah. You're about to die. M: Alright, so, just have at it! M: Are you gonna even have enough for a pizza? E: I don't think so.
[Mark giggles] E: You ever make pizza as a kid? M: Nope. We were too poor. We couldn't afford pizza. M: We didn't even have an oven! M: We had what we called "the brick," and it was this thing that we would sit on to heat up. M: And ya know, it wouldn't get very warm, but at least it would have the comforting feel- M: My da- [giggles] My- [sighs] E: Go for it. M: The comforting feel of my dad's ass on everything he cooked [laughs] M: [laughing] I mean that's really what I.... M: Cherished the most about the stone. M: You know, it was good. It was good. [laughter] M: I remember our coming of age when my brother and I were old enough to sit on the stone [laughs] E: [giggling] M: The old Fischbach Family tradition. I don't know if any of you guys knew about that one. M: But yeah, that's what we did. E: Yeah, I didn't do that. [laughter] M: [high pitched] What? M: You're kidding me! E: Nah. M: Aww
E: We had an overn M: [stuttering] M: That's sad M: So what I'm doing is I'm- M: I'm making a physical recreation of the stone M: From memory, I've created
E: [laughing] M: [laughing] M: Th-the impression the ass cheeks left on it over- M: It got worn down
E: Mhm. M: It was- It was like a stoneware cookware E: Yeah M: You know. It gets passed down- the flavor [laughter] M: You're not supposed to wash it M: You know what I mean? E: [giggling] The flavor of your dad's ass? [laughter] M: [laughing] You know what I mean Tyler? E: Robust. M: Robust M: Ooh! E: I can't do that with mine
M: Ah! M: I don't want to do that with mine M: Oh boy M: I remember oiling up the stone
[giggling] M: [laughing] For my dad E: For Papa [laughter] E: Late nights I would be there, sitting, oiling the stone E : [laughing] Father would come down in his robe [laughter] M: And then joy would fill cause I knew it was time to eat [laughter] M: Anyway- E: As soon as a single cheeks sat upon that stone E: I knew it was time M: Memories you know- M: Ahhh- E: Good family dinners- [laughter] M: Anyway! E: Nothing quite like a home cooked meal! [giggling] M: You sure your family didn't do that, Tyler?
E: [laughing] M: It seems like Ethan's family suddenly started to do that [laughter] M: Oh boy T: No, but I did decided to do a variation off of the traditional and insert a ricotta stuffed crust M: [whispering] Present! E: [whispering] Oh, thank you M: Ricotta what? T: Stuffed crust M: Oh! M: This feels like making a lunchable M: Except somehow worse T: Does your dough look grey? M: No, man T: No, I'm looking at Ethan's M: Ohh, yeah his- M: Yeah- no, his looks super weird M: See I'm a simple kind of guy M: I like very basic ingredients- Amy off-camera: Don't stick your hand back in that! M: Oh, yeah. Sure, okay.
E: [laughing] M: I like simple ingredients M: Simple, traditional pizza ingredients M: You know, the good stuff M: The cheese, the sauce, M: Extra sauce! M: You know. M: It's all about bringing the flavour together, you know M: Wha- If it's- If it ain't broke don't fix it! E: Mm mm mm M: Yeah, that's what I always said M: You want some? E: Sure!
M: Here you go, buddy E: Thanks M: You- You're welcome M: And now- [giggling] M: Look, it's an elephant! M: I can't pick it up M: Oh god, I should have made it on the pan! M: Ohhh no, my elephant! M: Oh no- M: Dad, what have I done? E: I'm going for the very controversial- E: But my favorite kind of pizza: E: Ham and pineapple. M: [disgusted noises] E: And this ham- E: [laughs] Lemme tell ya- [laughter] E: Is fake ham E: [whispering] Watch M: Oh, Oh!
E: [laughing] M: Oh my god! M: Ugggghl! M: That's trypophobia ham!
E: [laughing] Oh, no E: Ready? Mmm! E: Yum!
M: Uggh! E: Yum yum yum!
M: [disgusted noises] E: That looks like my pores *laughs* [laughter] E: Oh it's every layer! M: Oh my god! E: It's every layer! M: Who thought that was a good idea?? M: Oh my god M: Hey, Tyler, do you want to share a pan with me? T: Yes, I will certainly share a pan with you M: You about done? E: Uh, yeah!
T: I need sauce! M: Oh, sauce. You got it. Sauced up. M: Oh, sauce on the- after. Ohhh, interesting. T: Uh, thi-it's- multi-layer pizza so T: So what I'm actually gonna do is: T: There's cheese underneath, stuffed crust- T:with some pepperoni to add some flavor to the sauce T: and then I'm also gonna put cheese, pepperoni, and then cheese on top M: Okay. M: Now, we're done! E: Yup! M: It's like a little bush [giggling] M: To emerge from. M: You know what I mean? You know what I'm sayin'. M: Alright! M: I think we're ready to put it in! E: Mhmm M: Mmm M: Oooo M: Ahhhhh M: Alright. M: I think I can slot this one right in there E: Ooh M: Yeah, that's the good stuff. M: Ohh yeah M: And uhh... M: Now we wait for the deliciousness of the results. M: They're gonna be good! M: It's gonna be good. M: Here's this thing for ya- [laughter] M: Ooh! Fresh! M: Ahh! M: Crème fresh! M: Ohh Ethan, yours looks... M: Thaaaat. T: [laughing] T: Oh, oh
M: Ooh~ M: Uh-oh M: Uh-oh! M: We had some rising happening! E: [gasp] E: No
M: No! M: My dick!
[laughter] M: My precious dick! M: Oh, no! M: [screaming] M: The tip! M: The boob- oh god! M: Oh no! M: Oh no! T: Quickly! E: Quickly! Quickly!
M: Ah~ E: Tyler, yours looks really good! T: Thank you! M: Hang on! Hang on! M: Eh- add the boober M: Oh! It's a shadow of it's former self! M: Ah! The dick! M: Oh god! E and M: Mm. T: [softly] You broke its heart! M: I broke its dick! M: W-Which is the heart! M: As many people know... M: That crust is fla-key! E: [giggling] Yeah it is! E: I'll make little bites for the whole family!
M: [laughing] T: I-I don't appreciate that I get to cut it after the ham-cheese combo
E: Flakey! M: What? It's not going to spread that much flavor to you! M: Today, junior! E: Oh, God
M: [grunting] Amy from back: Je-sus E: [bad accent] We could've made twelve more pies in this time! E: Muuah! M: Is that your Italian? E: Unfortunately! M: So, we got our pizzas here and we're ready for judges! M: Calling all impartial judges! M: I'm sending a telekinetic burst! T: [weird noises] M: No... M: That was my burst!
T: That was my call! M: No, it's my thing!
T: It's my call! M: I'm doing it! M: I'm sending a telepathic burst! M: If you're here and you're hearing this M: please, come quick, we need your help now! M: Oh!
A: Hi friends. E: Oh, hello! K: Hello!
M: Hi! A: The judges. M: It's them.. M: We made pizzas for you. E: That you get to eat K: Mm -that's what these are? M: Yeah they're pizzas! M: You see? Which one would you like to try first? M: Or actually- let's d- we're gonna judge on three categories here. M: Look, the over-all aesthetic M: The taste E: Blindfold taste test
K&A: [laughing] M: And the crust- A: Well yours is gonna taste like pineapple! E: Mmmm, debatable! M: Let me get done here! E: I'm sorry sorry sorry M: The crust, the overall presentation, and taste. M: That's what's it gotta be about.. M: Those are the three categories of pizza M: Mmm, [stuttering] good. So! A: Start over here with Ethan's K: Yeah! A: Cuz I don't want this to be the last thing that I taste
[laughter] K: Should everybody partake? M: No... A: Wow. Cheers! [laughter] K: 'Flanky' A: Gotta get some pineapple in here M: Just to get some moisture in there [laughter] E: [laughing] How is she? A: Flaky! A: Like a biscuit! K: M-Yeah E: Not bad though? K: No, but we did take those right out of the oven.. [laughter] M: You burn yourself? T: Yeah I was wondering A: Oh my god A: No, it's just flour in my mouth now A: I like eating the crusts [giggling] K: Very flaky A: It is flaky! It's not quite pizza crust though... K: No, it's a bit more of a... K: ...croissant? K: Right? A: With some butter it would be good! K: Yeah! But the integrity of this is... K...not-existent!
[laughter] E: Kay
M: Alright! M: So! For mine! M: I pres- I call it... M: The Broken Heart K: Mmm M: Ah! My-my-my cherished memories... M: ...of pizza as a child... M: ...now presented to you. M: Bon appétit
A: It does look really good-
K: Yeah! A: Like the crust itself is beautiful K: Mmhmm
M: Thank you! K: You have the nice burnt cheese- M: Feed each other! [giggling] [laughter] A: Okay.. A: [incoherent babbling] [laughter] K: It's not bad
A: It's really not bad! [giggling] A: It tastes like pizza K: Yeah! A: The crust is a little... it's good! K: Yeah it's just a little...
M: Wait, wha- what? [laughter] A: Well, it's a little nothing K: Yeah! K: It's very flour-y, that's what it is.
It's just very thick and flour-y. M: Thank you!
K: But it's a good sauce to crust ratio... K: That was lacking [laughter] A: I would keep eating that ...I won't but I could. [laughter] M: Th-thank you! Th- thank you
K: Yeah! T: So here we have the miniaturised stuffed crust multi-layered pizza pie K: Mmmhmm T: For this one... T: you eat it backwards. K: Alright A: It's pretty good!
K: Yeah! A: The crust is a little... A: ...soft. K: Yeah, it's definitely- it's got a lot
A: It's doughy
K: Yeah A: Like those are flour-y and more dry but this is just doughy K: Yeah A: But it's also pretty good!
K: Mhmm! A: I like the- the cheesy crust K: We did both take second bites of that one A: Fascinating. [laughter] K: The other two got one bite E: Bu-
M: One bite is all you needwith mine E: Mm! Yeah, same same!
A: I kinda like... M: It looks like you took more than one bite here... E: One bite is all you should have... if that.
M: [laughing] E: I wanna try it... will you try it?
M: I would love to try A: Yeah okay, let's go for a walk and deliberate K: Careful, that one will fall out
M: Wait, actually- wait M: You go deliberate, let's judge each others, hang on
E: Ok M: L- Let's just look. M: The categories are crust, taste, and overall presentation. M: I gotta say, I bet yours is the tastiest. E: Yeah M: Just judging by the two bites they took. E: [giggling] Which category do I get? M: I say I win presentation
T: I-I think you win presentation M: I win presentation, like, I think I've got that on lock E: [laughing] So that leaves me with the crust? M&T: Nope M: It's gonna be a tie between you and me for the crust E: Oooh T: 'Cause there's- the-the thing.. Yours looks more golden M: Mmhmm T: And they said mine was soft and I think...I think it might be because the amount of sauce? M: Lemme lemme..let me give this a...alright immana...
T: I'm gonna..I'm gonna examine mine as well... T: Oh that's good E: Mmmm that is not good... [laughter] M: I'll be the judge. I hate pineapple on pizzas though. T: May I try yours-
M: We're already off to a bad start- Go for it! M: Ah! [giggling] M: Ah! Ah! E: [giggling] A lil- A little dry...
M: [snorting] M: Melt in your mouth goodness right there T: Yours taste like pizza
M: Thank you! T: Would you like to try?
M: Oh yeah! T: That one lost a lot of cheese, I think it fell off
M: That's ok E: Mmm yeah, this is really good! M: I think he's got flavour, I think he's got flavour on lock down definitely M: But if I do say! M: I like my crust. It's gonna be close though. M: Judges! A: Well there are three categories M: Mmhmm
K: Yup! A: Umm, taste... is gonna go to Mark M: Yay! M: Really?! A & K: Yeah! M: Ooh!
A: It was the most pizza K: It was the most pizza A: Second one is... presentation? K: Yeah?
A: ...goes to Mark! K: Yeah!
M: Oh! K: We really like the heart! M: Oh thank you!
A: It was nice! A: And it's a nice big pizza as well
K: Yeah! K: And crust? K: Not too dry, not too wet... was...Mark's! M: What!?
A: You swept! K: Yeah! M: Really?! A & K: Yeah!
K: We really liked it! M: I swept! K: Yeah! E: [quietly] Congratulations... A: Legitimately
K: Yeah! M: What!? M: [high pitched] Oh you guys! M: I thought, I thought for sure you were gonna win taste! A: No, I would keep eating this one M: Well, good competition M: Fwoohh... M: [laughing] Good try there! M: Good- Good work all around E: Yup M: I'm honored to win this prestegious award M: I had, such, tough competition with Tyler here [laughter] E: [Italian accent]
What can I say! M: You made... I can't even say that you made pizza... E: No-
M: 'Cause I'm not sure about that either M: But you tried! E: I tried! M: You put your heart in this!
E: Mhm M: You wanna try this recipe at home follow him to the letter M: Someone write down your recipe in the comments below
E: Yeah... M: But anyway, good work all around! Good work! M: So, thank you everybody so much for watching and thank you for joining us on this one- adventure M: Uh, make pizza at home for yourself and show us what you made at home M: Thanks again everybody for watching M: And as always, we will see you! M: In the next video! M: Buh-bye!! All: Bye! [Outro music plays] Please don't add extra little comment in the subs, Mark has addressed this before and it makes it difficult for those who actually need them to follow along. Thanks.
