March 2018 CAYA "Breaking Up is Hard to Do", Rev. Dr. Howard-John Wesley

if you have not introduced yourself please do so make certain there nobody's a stranger when we worship find out who someone is what kind of day they've had if there's anything you want to pray for as we welcome to greet one another [Music] alright grace and peace be unto you from God our Father and Jesus Christ who is our risen are resurrected are reigning a returning Redeemer when I welcome all of you all to another time of worship as our come as you are worship service believing that we come one way and we leave another again a very special welcome to our first-time guests with us today we pray that you'll be blessed by the spirit and the love that resides in this place as to continue on in something that was left over from last last month and I'll introduce that in just a moment a few words of announcement one remember that on Cinco de Mayo May 5th we are traveling together for a little social time in the Gold Cup there's still time to register for that brothers brothers brothers I need to know the ratio is a little off in your favor that that it is a warm event and the laser being sundresses and hats I'm just saying it is a great time for Christian Fellowship you know that they they will be at their godly best and we want to highly encourage you to come on out this is next an opportunity if you've been praying for the Lord to do a new thing in your life I mean it is what it is we want to invite you to come on out so brothers vote should consider it that we can kind of balance things out a little bit more I want to thank all those who already registered and paying we're looking forward to having a great time in Jesus name secondly we're gonna move a little bit faster tonight than normal there's something got to put on my heart that I want to break forth quickly I don't think it's profound or anything that's new revelation more of a heart-to-heart about some things we already understand about breaking up there are a couple emails that came in that I really want to address and if we have time I want to answer some questions from the floor but I've got to do it all in about an hour or less pastors got a flight that leaves at 9:30 and I got to get to the amen gotta get to the airport praise somebody say TSA TSA PreCheck is God's will for my life so I need y'all's prayers and help me get on out of here listen let's set a foundation for a lesson in the Word of God in the book of John if you have Bible on your device or if you've got a real Bible in your hand in the 16th chapter of John and I want to encourage you to read when you get home from chapter 14 through 17 Jesus is preparing his disciples for his departure I mean he says to them in chapter 16 verse 1 these things I've spoken to you that you should not be made to stumble they will put you out of the synagogues yes the time is coming that whoever kills you will think that he offers God's service and these things they would do to you because they have not known the father nor me but these things I have told you that when the time comes you may remember that I told you of them and these things I did not say to you at the beginning because I was with you but now I go away to him who sent me and none of you asked me where are you going but because I have said these things to you sorrow has filled your heart nevertheless I tell you the truth it is to your advantage that I go away for if I do not go away the helper will not come to you but if I depart I will send him to you clearly there's a prophetic word here about the Holy Spirit but to me what's deeper as Jesus recognizes that as he prepares his disciples for his departure their heart is filled with sorrow and here's what the Lord says to them this relationship has to end because if I don't leave you something greater cannot come that often times one thing has to end for something better to begin and Jesus prepares his disciples to understand you have to deal with heartbreak you have to deal with sorrow you've got to deal with separation because sometimes that's God's precursor to something greater in your life so I'm gonna say this throughout tonight and we're about to pray over it greater can never begin until mediocre is over right then until you bring an end to less greater can never come let's pray right there Lord we gather in this place tonight first of all grateful for the grace that has kept us the Mercy that met us we've got enough good sense in our young adult years to acknowledge that in you we live and move and have our being we thank you for Jesus Christ our Savior who died on the cross of Calvary to cover up all of our sins then we might stand here redeemed even though we are sometimes unrighteous in fellowship with you even though we've been unfaithful to you and tonight oh god I prayed that your word would help heal and set someone into motion to hear you say to them sometimes these things must end in order for something greater to begin Lord I don't know who you're gonna speak to tonight but I pray that heart and mind would be fertile soil that the seed of your word may be planted deep within us speak to my heart Holy Spirit in Jesus name we do pray amen let's get into what we got getting to because there's a there's an email I'll tell you how the Lord works last month when we began speaking about unequally yoked part - I realized that it's one thing to share it it's another to talk about what to do when you realize you are an equally yoked and that's when the Lord put upon my heart to do a session on breaking up his heart to do about ending relationships that God's hand is not on and after putting the lesson together an email came in after the lesson that almost summarizes everything got put on my heart and I really want to get to an email tonight so I'm going to move fast and I want us to take time there's something someone's going through that is real instructive for us and I'm going to ask you to handle it with some sensitivity and compassion because I know sometimes we get you know these strawberry letters in and you know we got it you know we got to help people get their lives on track but this one is serious so we're gonna get to that let's get into it if we put the first slide up one of my favorite quotes from poet Longfellow Henry Watts worth Longfellow he says great is the art of the beginning but greater still is the art of ending that if you apply this to relationships we can all agree that getting into a relationship is always easier than getting out now I want to make some qualifying remarks about what I mean by relationship before you know not situation ship but relation ship number one tonight I don't I'm not attempting to talk about abusive and clearly demonic relationships I'm at this stage of life you ought to be able to exit out as something that's demonic easily and I'm not saying that it's easy to do but there ought to be something inside of you that easily recognizes when you're not in something that's healthy and so if you are in an abusive relationship I'm going to say this without fear of contradiction it has never God's will for you to be in a relationship where you're emotionally and physically abused I don't care how much I don't care how much prayer goes into it and how much Scripture is behind it I am a strong advocate against domestic violence and believe that any abusive physical emotional relationship is never God's will for you and so we're not even going to touch that if that is your situation I have people who will pray with you and help you exit yourself out of that number two I'm not talking about marriage either tonight this is breaking up is hard to do not divorce is hard to do I just wanna be clear that that about talking about divorce I think marriage has a whole different set of rules that require you to go above and beyond what relationship requires in terms of trying to fix things and stay together and so I though although some of what I share may be applicable to marriage please know that I'm not advocating for divorce I'm telling you this as one who's going through it it is a horrible experience it is not something I wish on any married couple if I can help save any marriage in this place I definitely would do all that I can to help that survive you don't want to go through divorce easily and unnecessarily I showed up at a marriage couples retreat within them in our church once and one of the members there rightfully so asked question you know pastor why are you at the married couples retreat you just recently got divorced so you probably shouldn't be here and I say you want me here because I'm the one that's gonna try to keep you all together no matter what because I don't want you to go through what I went through and so you know I seek to help out of my own experience and I don't acknowledge that relationships are unique and individual there are no hard core rules don't ever let someone not even your pastor a preacher convince you of what you should do if you've not been praying and asking God what to do I'm gonna share my opinion and that's what I'm called to do but the end of the day the greatest thing I can do for you is encourage you to go to God encourage you to be prayerful and then anyone who would ask you to violate what the Holy Spirit's put upon your heart is not someone sent by God so I'm gonna share your opinion but the end of the day I want you to be prayerful about what God is calling you to do one fact that is true that I've tried to share repeatedly in my reflection of relationships is they very few people are called to have a permanent or long-term place in your life your walk with God is kind of like riding a bus every stop some folk get on and this is the place where some folk have to get off you cannot grow in God and continue to have a multitude of people it's connected to you I would argue that outside of family who you cannot choose that if you count friends and romantic relationships they're probably less than five people who will be connected to you for a lifetime and we have a tendency to not distinguish between those who are attained by God and those who we allow in our lives there's a difference between someone who's allowed and someone who's ordained and most of the times our problems come from the people we allow in who had never we're deigned by God from the beginning I was rereading some stories of separation and Bible in order to prepare for tonight and to be grounded in God's Word and one of the things our read was the separation of Abraham and lot you'll read about it in Genesis that that God calls Abraham Abram at the time to leave his father's house and lot comes along and their herds grow and they can't get along and they have to separate and go in different directions that the blessing of God caused a separation that they were so blessed that they could not be in each other's presence anymore without tension and while rereading that one of the things the Lord showed me was that the Lord called Abraham and the Bible says and lot went with him God called Abraham and lot went with him and make sure you can see didn't say God called Abraham and lot God called Abraham and Abraham allowed lot to go with him and because a lot was never ordained to be in partnership with Abraham there comes a time when the Lord has to allow a lot to leave because he was never ordained mean that we can take journeys in life with people that we allow but don't be surprised when the hand of God begins to separate the separation is part of God's Way of grooming and growing us and oftentimes God will reveal areas where you are an equally yoked as a means of preventing you from over committing to someone you've never been called to be with again reading separation stories I read the story of Gideon and judges six seven and eight and how you know the story Gideon wants to go to battle with 32,000 soldiers and God dismisses most of them and leaves Gideon with three hundred and one of the things God does to Gideon is tell him what God wants to test the people he says to them ask him who's afraid ask him this ask him that because what God is trying to share with Gideon is that I have a way of revealing to you through some painful experiences who was never called to be with you in the first place that God has a way of revealing that certain people were never were damned God allowed certain things to go down in order to open your eyes to who God is really called to be in your life or not and I'm gonna stop my relationship now I'm telling my friends also as a matter of fact I'm gonna show you one test God will always let happen with anyone that's called to be in your life friend romance sooner or later the money test is gonna come and we're gonna find out if we can survive the money test something's going to happen financially and you got to figure out are you more it is the relationship more valuable than money to you and are you willing to take a financial loss to maintain the relationship so you're an example I can't run with people and I've shared this before I cannot hang with people who want to eat and want to argue that they didn't have a coke right now some people can but I'm just not I don't like that level of stress look you know err err body chip in a little bit more than what you think you Oh ain't nothing worse than sitting in the bill around and coming back short tax and tip chugging mark I really prefer it this way I got it this time you get it next time right and it just evens out I can't deal the money test if you telling me well you know I paid three dollars and twenty one cent last time and you know I'm not paying no no you go hang with somebody else God has a way of taking you through experiences in relationship that meant to reveal whether you're equally yoked or not now here's the funny thing though God will never force you to end a relationship it's something you have to have the strength to do save the Lord calling someone home to glory and that that's typically not the way you want it to end but save the Lord call someone the glory when God reveals that this is not right you're the one that has to have the strength to end it and you all know that's not easy to do we're gonna talk about why in just a minute God won't force you but here's where I tell you God will do God will let it deteriorate and get worse in order to get you out Bishop Walter Thomas new psalmist Baptist Church in Baltimore told me something some of you know my quick story that I was pastoring in Springfield Massachusetts and Alfred Street called and I turned Alfred Street down and went back to my church in Springfield Massachusetts because I I didn't want to come I was afraid of new leadership afraid of starting over and had been in my church 10 years I was pastor there I'd have to start from scratch here so I didn't want to leave and I'm telling you when I went back holy hell broke out at that church there were those who knew I was leaving in a position who they wanted to be the next pastor a group rose up against me I was in a meeting and they're talking about me in the meeting and the third person when you you ain't been disrespected till you sitting at a table and some were first and says him and he and I'm like him right him right here he is right here and that thing that got painful and Bishop Walter Thomas says something me I won't forget he says sometimes God has to let it get ugly in order for you to get out because most most times in relationship we won't end when we have a sense that we're on equally yoked or not where God wants us to be so more often than not God's got to let it get ugly God's got to let it get crazy and deranged to wake you up to say that I can't do this anymore so the few things I want you to be careful of that God will allow happen as a way of letting you know it's time for you to get out of something and these are not hard and fast rules these these come out of my own experience and from counseling you know it's time to interrelationship one when misery is constant misery meaning the absence of joy one relationship writer that I read years ago said in a relationship struggle is inevitable but misery is optional God has never called you to be miserable God has never called you to lack joy nehemiah 218 tells us the joy of the Lord is our strength where you are missing joy you are missing strength and one of the things the enemy of righteousness wants to do is keep you in a place of misery because tweet this correctly misery is the door to iniquity when you are miserable in relationship you will then adopt patterns to deal with that misery trying to overcome your lack of joy in ways that are unholy and ungodly most people who are unfaithful some of them began in a place of being miserable unfulfilled so they sought for for outside the bounds of relationship because misery is the gateway to iniquity it's time to leave when you're miserable it's time to leave when there's unreciprocated sacrifice when you are giving doing and trying much more than the other person that is a sign that your energy and effort is not being reciprocated that is not a relationship God has called you to be in where you give a hundred and they give nothing when you have divergent desires about tomorrow and by that I mean when you realize that you are el are not headed in the same direction of what you think your future is going to be like I'm so the minute I'm gonna read an email that shows clearly this sister and this brother had different ideas about where this relationship was headed and until you know what you really want out of a relationship you'll find yourself compromising and going along with someone willing to find out they're headed in an absolutely different direction of where they think this relationship should go than you and when you realize you all have two totally different visions the best thing you can do is end it before you commit too much of your time to it the inability to apologize or mislabeled fault but that I mean when you're with someone you if you are that someone who can never acknowledge fault or always makes you at fault be careful of those who lead you to believe you're always the wrong one everyone knows the necessity of having good communication skills listen it's not arguing that's a problem it's not being able to communicate to resolve the argument you've got to be able to communicate in more ways than simply listening and waiting for your turn to talk but being able to have a heated moment and scale it down so that we can deal with the issue at hand most relationships in by people who stay at 10 all the time and never really deal with the issues they just burn hot and there's arguing and bickering and yelling but never really resolving what the issue is so you know my let's hatchet in my first church gave some advice that I shared every wedding every wedding I've ever performed I remind them of what my let's hatchet said my last hatchet was 88 years old he'd been married to his wife Anna for 50 years on his 88th birthday they were celebrating 50 years of marriage and I asked he can hatch it what's the key to surviving 50 years of marriage and this what he said to me you both can't act a fool at the same time he understood communication right that if one of you is on 10 the others got to scale it down you've got to be able to communicate this I found for me is very personal I know something's timely in when you don't like the you they bring out of you or the them you bring out of them well let that settle for a minute when I see you bringing a side of me out that I don't like in me that I don't like about me I don't like having to act like this then I know this is not this is not something for me I am NOT a Yeller I am NOT a I don't curse all the time I'm not um I'm not a cursor in argument y'all pray for me I'm I'm saved but I ain't delivered from everything you know and I don't like relationship that brings ugly out of me because I tend to learn to be more of a passive and peaceful person and so if I'm in a relationship and it's bringing out ugly whether that be in church whether that be romantic I'm saying to myself this is not God's will for me and when you can look and see and say I don't like the you that I bring out of you that around me you're totally different that I bring out a side of you that no one else does in a negative way for me that's a sign that this is not where God wants me to be and we talked about this a minute ago when you know that abuse is present and persistent again I don't believe it's God's will for you to ever be in a relationship that abusive now we can see all of this feel it know it say Amen and laugh and still be stuck in relationship with these people because breaking up is hard to do it's hard to for a few reasons number one you have an expectation of a return on your investment especially the longer you've been with someone right it's easy after day two it's harder after year two when you made an investment of yourself you expect that something's gonna come out of it when you know your relationship has helped make someone better right she can't just have that I worked on that [Applause] he wasn't doing that before he met me you know and when you've made investment of self there's always an expectation that something comes out of it which now what happens Thank You Holy Spirit what happens is because you've invested your threshold of misery and pain is escalated you'll take more because you believe that this is part of the investment for some people that stayed the perception of failure then I want others to think we couldn't make it work it's a shame to be committed because you're trying to live up to people's appearance and expectation as opposed to your own sense of joy that people think we're a good couple so we're gonna stay together in the public eye we look right but you're not happy at home it's amazing how much we sacrifice for the approval of people the fear being alone or not finding another people won't always acknowledge this but there's some who just aren't comfortable being by themselves and one of the most prevalent counseling issues that comes across my desk and email and in person our people who begin to make some weird sacrifices in their mid-30s for fear that there's not going to be another and begin to put up with stuff that it's clearly ungodly simply because at 35 you don't think you can find someone else here me this and I'm gonna do this in five five minutes real quick God always has another God always has another there's only one thing that God only has one of that's a savior and that's Jesus and outside of Jesus God has a bag full of alternatives God has more options than you can even imagine whatever it is God's got another job God's got another friend God's got another option God's got another booth God's got another Bay God always has another and don't ever allow yourself to make sacrifices because you think this is the only one no God since this is kaien let's be real sometimes breaking up is hard to do because the flesh is strong when you feelings ain't the same and your body don't want to but you know you got to let it go cuz the party ain't jumping like he used to y'all need know what that is let it burn let it burn again let it burn the flesh the flesh holds on to those deep feelings and all I think most of us won't wave a hand most of us know what it's like [Applause] have you y'all never know a friend that uh that fell for the one last time true [Applause] moving right along I get emails all the time sometimes it's hard because desire can override discernment the longer I've lived the more I found out that the heart wants what the heart wants and the times when our discerning of God can be clouded by our own desires there's a book called necessary endings that I have really been inspired by by God named Henry cloud and he makes this statement that wanting it to work is not grounds for believing it will work want is about desire belief is about evidence and here's what Henry cloud says and I hope you catch it because it's gonna come up in this email just because you want it to change doesn't mean that you should believe that it will you've got to be honest with the evidence of whether there's sufficient evidence to believe that this person can change and when a person is showing you repeatedly that they cannot you may want them to but you got to believe what you're seeing and wanting it to work is not grounds for believing it will breaking up is hard to do because we have these distorted definitions of loyalty then we think this is what we're supposed to do that this is what relationship requires of us and there's a thin line we'll have to talk about that because then lying between staying in something and working through it and just putting up with nonsense they're hurt and the pain that comes along with walking away that we feel one of the major ones that prevents people from walking away is this savior complex that there are many people who will stay because you don't want to hurt someone else listen God has never called you to prevent someone from going through lessons that hurt them and Jesus is clear sometimes you staying will hinder what God is trying to do one of the psychiatrists who works on our Goffe team said something in our Deacon training he said sometimes in order for people to get better it's got to get worst first that you can't stop and save everyone and you've got to be careful of sacrificing your peace for someone else's emotional well-being because you don't want them to hurt and people know when you're a caregiver right that you have a caring spirit that you don't want someone to hurt or feel pain but in essence you wind up sacrificing your own peace and your own godly destiny so that someone else won't feel any pain when you realize that you're in this place where it is not healthy for you it is not peaceful it is not joyful it is miserable it is not reciprocated there are few things that endings often require and we're on time when we get to this email one a required an honesty with yourself about what something is and what it is not I've shared this in a sermon I may have shared it Akaya the most damage done to you will never be by lies other people tell you the greatest damage done to you would be by lies you tell yourself we know what it's like to lie to ourselves and we saw it but we didn't want to see it we heard it but we didn't want to hear it we knew it but we didn't want to believe it and in order to end something appropriately I believe it requires you being honest about what is and what is not healthy what is and what is not God's will endings often time require a prayerful preparation if this is hard you know whose help you need it's Church we tried again we're gonna act like if something is hard do you know whose help you need you need God's help and I don't know if anyone can testify I was like to pray for God to give you strength to end something give me strength to walk away from this give me strength not to be tempted in my flesh to give me strength not not to allow whatever she does or whatever he does in response to cause me to doubt what I know God has called me to do requires difficult conversations you've heard me tell you please don't forget avoidance can never bring deliverance what you avoid dealing with will never go away sometimes you got to have these difficult conversations to lay it out on the table any relationship that's worth saving has got to be able to talk about some things we don't want to talk about there come times when we got to put it on the table you've got to be clear in your messaging that you're done confusion on this will cause some people to hang on and I know it's sometimes hard and hurtful to be crystal clear I'm not doing this anymore but sometimes the people if you are not giving that message they're still holding on to hope and that's not a good place for either one of you to be in because they're gonna hold on to hope and it's gonna frustrate you that they haven't let go when you have sometimes afterwards you can't have continuous contact listen it's possible but it's rare to go from passionate intimate love to okay we're gonna be friends as if friends and some type of compromise all right you can care about someone and not be in constant contact cots in contact for some people keeps the emotion going now sometimes in a period of no communication is what's needed and then praying for them and yourself afterwards is important if I truly care about you but can't be in contact that doesn't mean I won't pray for you and pray for myself to heal because some of these breakups hurt us and I need Lord to help me that prayer is a continual part of this journey now this all kind of comes together in an email that I want to read to you that came and yeah I'm just gonna read the email and we're then gonna go back into it this person may be here so there's no name attached to it that's good if this is your email I want to handle this with sensitivity and compassion but some of its funny I mean and you know I don't what you think that that laughter which is part of the tool with that I used to teach means that we don't recognize the gravity of this but some of it is funny and it just goes to show you how people can get in real stuck places alright so I'm gonna I'm gonna read it and here's a match to do every time you hear something that you think is wrong in this email which you raise a hand hey every time you hear someone is like yeah every time you hear something okay I'm gonna do the same okay I've been dating a guy for almost 10 years [Applause] wait see you back [Applause] so real quick real quick it shows already it was probably gonna be a different a different vision of where this is headed I I'm not here to cast judgment I'm something saying from my perspective dating someone 10 years is a long time right right the court and so maybe you if you all are both in agreement that this is what it is it's not going anywhere then so be it but if you have other desires ie a ring on it and you've been together 10 years there's already a problem here Carmen said it don't take all day to recognize sunshine I listen to other things in gospel amen I've been dating God for almost 10 years over these last 10 years we've had some major hiccups one being that there was a scare that he had gotten another woman pregnant this happened after a couple other incidents where I found out he was cheating we took a long break and he told me he was going to do better [Applause] just by wave of Han how many people in this honestly because everyone doesn't have to agree on this how many people for you cheating is an offense that we won't be able to reconcile here go we took a long break and he told me he was gonna do better and be better so I gave him another chance since then we've been trying to have a baby [Applause] here we go he really wants one and I do too I of course want to get married first but he keeps saying we can't afford the kind of wedding we want let me finish he keeps saying we can't afford the kind of wedding we want so he wants to wait until we can we can go to the justice of the peace for all I care but he refuses to do that I was recently contacted by a woman on Facebook who told me that they had something going on [Applause] it gets better I'm sorry for trying to hold it in but I got to go in now it was true I caught him again I'm sure you and everyone hearing this is thinking leave duh but it's not that easy I'm in my mid 30s and he's you keep raising your hand [Applause] I'm in my mid-30s and he's really all I've known in terms of relationship I love him his family and believed that one day he'll stop I believe that one day he'll stop or at least get better at protecting me from finding out [Applause] oddly enough oddly enough [Laughter] what's my man oddly enough I've had no success in getting pregnant and I believe that's for a reason somebody say but God won't he will I know a baby won't make him change but I think it would help [Applause] every woman I know now here's every woman that I know that's been married for 20-plus years endure it some type of BS let me fit I figure I figure this is just part of my story of enduring his am I crazy [Applause] all right let up let's do this let's talk a little bit about what's this to me kind of embodies everything we just talked about about different visions about wishing virt and wanting versus believing a few things I want to start with and I think the most important is this idea of wanting to have a baby the concept of having a baby is really attractive until you have them [Applause] people have a tendency and I get it it's human nature to want to reproduce but people have a tendency to glamorize parenthood when every parent in here and every single parent in here will tell you this is not easy this is not easy and children don't fix relationships I have not known one case in 20 years of pastoring we're having a baby made things better it may give an infusion of joy but ultimately it goes back to where it was because you haven't dealt with the real issues and now someone feels like you trapped them now I get wanting to have a baby parenting is that the greatest thing that's ever happened to me but not as an attempt to try to change someone someone who has shown you repeatedly that they are going to cheat on you what bothers me most about this besides the cheating that you've now caught at least three times that we've talked about you know number one that there's more than that a man with multiple affairs always has more than you found out it always has more and the fact that the first one was a pregnancy scare means he's sleeping unprotected with other women Disgaea this 2018 right he's having unprotected sex with other women and when a man has that access to women and is used to that type of sensuality his ability to change without God is almost impossible what scares me most about this letter I hear nothing about the Lord you're not praying because you can't tell me that if you prayed and fasted that this is God's will for your life now if you firmly believe that I'll step out the way and let you and the Lord be right or wrong but what I do tell you is that a man a woman anyone with this type of behavior who's not on their knees before the Lord cannot change their own heart it takes the presence of God you all are headed in different directions you want marriage which you should have had after 10 years and he continues to not want it he continues to tell you that we can't afford listen a a man who doesn't want to release a woman who wants to be married will keep her with it's always a financial thing right I can't afford to get you the ring you want or I can't afford we can't afford the wedding she says we can go down to the justice of the peace and he refuses to do that why no I got no you know we're asking her to ask why why does he not want to go to Justin's piece and wait he says he can't afford the wedding he but you can afford a baby do you know how much babies cost no he wants what's convenient and that's tough for you to accept what else that bothers me here is what I sense and forgive me if you're in the room a real challenge with the steam sis you said a few things that bothered me one he's the only man I've ever known well hopefully you'll never know another man like that again right that's that's not a reason finish the statement God always has another and admit 30 baby your life ain't over you are you just getting started you got the stupidity of 20 out of you you should be moving in your career you're probably mature you I met you bad - what you're what you're worried about at mid 30 or what's freeze or at least get better at protecting me from finding out this and ends in relationships ignorance is not bliss not knowing is not a good thing I have some steam issues that I see here I don't see anything about God I see someone who God has let it get worse but you just don't want to walk away to say that every marriage you know for 20 years ago with some BS there are two problems with that one you're not married right I don't fault a married couple for trying to work through infidelity god bless them and some who do come out stronger but you're not married and to say that this is part of my story of enduring his BS when did God call you to endure somebody's again I understand going through the struggle I understand growing there's no reciprocal sacrificing here and you believe that the call of the Lord is to endure multiple cheating and pregnancy scares there's no God in this there's no prayer in this you cannot convince me that God wants you to endure that kind of BS the second problem is you need different marital models right I can show you couples of remarried more 20 years who haven't dealt with Fidel infidelity who truly love each other been faithful there's nothing in the world like the witness of a married couple that loves each other that are faithful and love the Lord there's nothing like that and I don't care if you know thirty couples that endure bs I can show you one and you ought to model yourself after the one not after the twenty that have dealt with the BS I need you two to pray a little bit more about this and what I see missing then all of us need especially sisters especially sisters and I'm not being sexist I know that women can have a stronger emotional tie than men you need some women around you you need and I'm I'm not talking about I'm gonna talk about some hateful girl we're gonna go buses you although you do need a couple of them [Applause] I saw a meme on Instagram had me laughing said I got two friends one who prays with me and helps me discern the will of God and one who amps me up for some ratchetness every now and then and that yeah yeah you need a ratchet friend it's alright sorry but but you need some Christian sisters around you because you can hear this from a man in the pulpit and it's not gonna take effect what scares me about this is that saying all this I know you're not about to break up with him not because I told you to and please don't tell him I told you to tell you our real quick story I'm done I go to the airport oh yeah go to airport I'm in I'm in Springfield Massachusetts at the barber shop and my barber comes to test me I forgot the guy's name and say yo such--such he'd been around here he's looking for you why are you looking for me he said well you know he said that you interfere with his relationship with his with his girlfriend as we live with him and he's got you know an issue to settle with you and I'm I figured I don't even know this dude why white coming at me so I found out his girlfriend was and I saw her in church I said what's up with your man why is he going to the barbershop tell the folks he looking for me did he get some kind of issue with me she said well I heard you in the sermon I went home and I told him pastor told me that you got to pack that stuff up you got to go I said listen the next time the Lord tells you something please don't go home and tell your man your pastor told you that cuz sister no man wants to hear another man's name in this house I'm just letting you know that right off the bat I don't care who Reverend they don't bring his name in this place so it scares me because I can say all this we can we can go through this but I'm afraid you're gonna stay right there because you you want an investment you've made an investment you're looking for the return you're ten years in your how many Fidelity's you forgiving infidelities you forgiving I would simply say if you are listening please pray take a step back fast and pray and ask God to tell you what to do and then do it it's not gonna be easy but God gives us strength let's close in prayer would you stand Elijah would you come and pray us out cuz I know what's gonna happen I'm gonna try to leave or someone's gonna catch me you lies you come pray us out grab the mic and hey listen next month is April Chaya in April since it's tax season we like to deal with money so going about getting our money straight getting my money right I'm gonna share with you the top five principles I think young adults ought to be about in their financial life straight out of the Word of God so if you want to learn a little bit about money come on next month we're gonna deal with money and being a young adult Christian and it ain't a tithing sermon I'm not trying to get you to give more so come on out and X week Eliezer is gonna close this and prayers I dismiss do me a favor take somebody by the hand if you will let's look to the Lord God our Redeemer we thank you because in everything you teach us you remind us that you are not finished with us yet that there's another part of our story waiting for us God but you're the goddess specializes in turning around redeeming situations and putting a crown back on our head so God right now we ask that you would give us wisdom and strength and courage to do what you want us to do speak to our hearts Holy Spirit open our minds to receive and to act on what you are saying to us God we know it's not gonna be easy so right now we press into our neighbor's hands a little bit of courage we squeeze a little bit of faith into our sisters hands God a little bit of strength into our brother's hands knowing and believing that that we if we surround them in prayer they'll be able to do exactly what you called them to do now Holy Spirit protect us as we leave from this place and head to our homes so that the next time we may come gathered in this place we will know that we've met you and that we've been transformed by you we love you we give you thanks and your precious son Jesus name and every heart says Amen loose those hands put yours together celebrate God and go [Music] [Applause]

Channel: Alfred Street Baptist Church

Views: 60,869

Rating: 4.860045 out of 5

Keywords: Alfred Street Baptist Church, 2018, CAYA, Come As You Are, Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Rev. Dr. Howard-John Wesley

Id: bg3_sNrnmK0

Length: 59min 6sec (3546 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 09 2018