Loneliness and the Illusion of Connection | Thich Nhat Hanh, 2012.12.13

Last time we spoke about home. And we know that once we are home  we don't we no longer feel lonely. If you're at home, warm, comfortable, safe, fulfilled. So home is a place where loneliness disappears But where is home and the buddha said it very  clearly that home is in us and there is an island that you have to go back to the island  itself and this is a practice not a theory loneliness is the new being of our time we feel very lonely even if we  are surrounded by many people we are lonely together and there is a vacuum inside of us  where you don't feel comfortable with that kind of vacuum so we try to fill it  up by connecting with other people we believe that when you can connect with other people and  then the feeling of loneliness will disappear and technology supplies us with a lot of  devices in order to connect stay connected we always stay connected but we feel lonely  continue to feel lonely we check email several times a day we send  email several time a day we post messages every time and they want  to share you're going to receive are you busy you get busy during  the whole day in order to connect but that does not help with loneliness with  reducing the amount of loneliness in us this is what happens in the present  moment in our modern civilization our relationship is not good we are not in good relationship with our partner with our brother with our sister with our  parents with our society we feel very lonely and we have used technologies in  order to dissipate to try to dissipate that feeling of loneliness  but we do not we have not succeeded in in the tradition of  Plum village every time i sit down on a cushion that is to connect with ourselves because we in our daily life we  are disconnected with ourselves we walk and we don't know that we are walking we are there but we do not know that we are there  we are alive but we do not know that we are alive we are losing ourselves we are not  ourselves and that is happening almost all day long long so the act of  sitting down is an act of revolution you sit down and you cut off  you stop that state of being losing yourself not being yourself and when you sit down  you connect to yourself and you don't need an iphone or a computer to do that you just need to sit down mindfully and  breathe in mindfully and in a few seconds you connect with yourself you know what  is going on what is going on in your body what is going on in your feelings and your emotions what is going  on in your perceptions and so on you are already home and to take  care of home you have left home for a long time and home has become a mess so going home means to sit down and be  with yourself and connect with yourself and accept the situation as it is  it is a mess yes but i accept it because i have left home for a  long time i have allowed things to happen like that at home so now i'm home i i will rearrange everything and with my in-breath  my out-breath my mindful breathing i begin to smile at everything  and i will tidy up my home i allow my body to release the tension or everything in and written down and the buddha told me how to do that how to  breathe in and how to release the tension in my body i'm aware of my feeling of loneliness  of sadness of fear of anxiety i smile to the feeling of loneliness a  fear of anxiety i say my dear loneliness i know you are there i am hope to take care of  you and you make peace with your loneliness you make peace with your fear there's a wounded child  in you you recognize her you recognize him and you embrace him her tenderly in your arms that  is the act of going home and taking care of home every time you make a step whether you are breathing in or  breathing out go back to yourself every step brings you home to the here and now so that you can connect with yourself your body  your feelings and that is a real connection and you don't need a lot of technology to do  that and this is the revolution this is the the way to heal ourselves and our  society we are losing ourselves you are lost you have to find yourself  again you have to go and christmas is a time when you have to practice going home there is an illusion of connection. You think with that  technology with these devices you can connect but you cannot really connect. How can  you connect with another person when you cannot connect with yourself? So the teaching  of the buddha going home to the island of self is the way to heal our society to heal ourselves so with the act of breathing in you go inside the way out is in when you take a step you go in yourself  because that step brings you home to the here and now help you to connect with your body  your body is your breathing your body is your feet your body is your lungs and you are connecting  with body with feet with breath with lungs you are home because body is part of your home when you spend two hours with your computer  you forget entirely that you have a body and with you without your  body how can you be alive so in Plum Village many of us program a bell of mindfulness in our computer  and every 15 minutes we hear the bell and we stop working we stop thinking we go back  to our breath we enjoy breathing in and we connect with ourselves and we smile we become alive again  we know that we have a body which is a wonder our body is a wonder and connect  is first of all connect with body and then there is a feeling whether that is a  feeling of sadness or anger loneliness it is us we connect with our in-breath and out-breath and  then with that mindful in-breath we connect our feelings we smile to our feelings we say don't  don't worry i'm home i have take care of you and you embrace your feeling with tenderness whether  it is fear or anger or loneliness and warm up ourselves with that kind of practice this is  an act of going home truly and you don't need a technological device to do so be a home for yourself the buddha  said be an island unto yourself at the deeper sana taking care taking refuge  in the island itself that is the practice recommended by the buddha so when you walk from the parking lot to your office why don't  you go home with every step why don't you why don't you  continue to think to worry to suffer every step can bring you home you walk like  a buddha you act like a free person and that is possible you recover yourself you connect with  yourself with every step and freedom is possible and you are recuperating yourself  you are not losing yourself anymore you connect with your body you connect  with your feelings with every step and every step bring your freedom and if you can find a home for yourself you can help your partner to find his or her because she is only also he is lonely  also and he is looking for a home for some warmth some safety that is why once you have got a home you can go to your partner  you can go to the other person and since you have a home you are in a  position to help him to have a home also and you are confident because you know how to how to connect with yourself  how to have a home for yourself so that confidence in you will inspire him or  her to do the same she can't find a home in you and then she'll lean on that in order to build home in her now before you can go to him to her  to help you have to help yourself you have to connect with yourself and then when  you have been able to connect with yourself and then the next step is possible will  be successful to connect with other person and without the first step the  second step is not possible and you don't really need a iphone or something like that you need  your eyes to look at him with compassion even if she is not in the same town you can connect with him with her easily because  you are already yourself you are already home and whatever you say whatever you think will  help her will help him to recover herself and then when she was able when she is able to  go back to herself and your relationship become a real relationship because both of you have home and that's  why when you come together you find home in each other at the same time as in each of you  and this is a collective home for both of you there's a home here there's a home here  and there is a collective home here and it is the base of everything  if you want to help society if you want to help community if you want to help  your country and then you have to base on this and when you have a true home you  have happiness you have safety you have fulfillment and then  you are in condition to go to the other whether they are an individual  or they are a society a group of people so this is the way prescribed  by the buddha everything has to begin with yourself and the teaching  the practice is very clear every breath every step every sitting  every act like drinking cleaning if done in mindfulness help you to go home and to enjoy the wonders of life around you and in you. Your body is a wonder, and the hills the clear streams of water- they  are all wonders, and they have the power to heal my brother fabiong is summarizing (?) as he's  trying to put these ideas into a little page and send to our friends so that they  can practice during the christmas season the practice of going home to heal ourselves and help heal the world

Channel: Plum Village

Views: 286,298

Rating: 4.923398 out of 5

Keywords: Plum Village, Thich Nhat Hanh, mindfulness, zen, loneliness

Id: HD6l2jKwT6k

Length: 19min 32sec (1172 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 12 2021