Learning to Please {MARRIED COUPLES} | Pastor Eben Conner

we're in our third lesson in our series entitled unfiltered everybody say unfiltered and so if you're visiting us physically today in the house or if you're viewing us digitally for the first time for the whole month of september we've decided to separate our congregation and so this service right here the nine o'clock service has been designed to minister to our married individuals and so if you're single in the house or if you're single and you're watching me you can either tune off if you're watching and wait until the next service or you can just continue to watch and learn and grow uh just in case you want to get married one day so if you're taking notes today and you should you should have your notes in the house and those of you who are watching there should be some instructions on how to access the notes online but today's message title is learn to please learn to please i heard a story about a lady whose husband was seriously ill and after the doctor completed this man's examination he called the wife into his office alone to discuss the state of her husband and so the doctor told her that her husband was suffering from a rare disease and it was combined with stress and if she did not do the following things that the doctor was going to tell her then her husband was going to die he said to her each morning i need you to fix him a healthy breakfast be pleasant and make sure he's in a good mood all day fix dinner for him in an extra nice way fix his favorite meal don't ever discuss problems with him it will only stress him out more try to relax your husband every evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs encourage him to watch plenty of sports and then most of all make love with your husband several that's three words several times a week and satisfy his every desire and so on the way home in the car her husband asked her honey what did the doctor say to you and she said he said you're going to die [Laughter] even as i was reading the joke some of you in this room and and watching me were saying in your mind i would never do all of that stuff and therein lies the problem unfortunately most people got married because they wanted something they needed something or they desired something from the person that they were marrying the problem with that attitude is it's the attitude of a taker now just look at your spouse and say he not talking to me now look at him again and say but he talking to you though so i want to look at the principle today the principle of pleasing and i believe that if you will listen to god's word today and you let it get in your heart it'll change not only your life but i believe it'll change your relationship say amen to that so if you're taking notes point number one is this pleasing should be a priority pleasing should be a priority let's read the new living translation uh of second of first corinthians chapter 7 verse 32 i'm reading out of the new living translation it says i want you to be free from the concerns of this life an unmarried man can spend his time doing the lord's work and thinking how to please him but a married man everybody say a married man a married man listen what he says now about a married man a married man uh another man spends his time doing the work of the lord and thinking how he may please but a man man has to think about his earthly responsibilities read this with me and how to please his wife wow verse 34. his interests are divided in the same way in the same way in the same way a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the lord and holy in body and spirit but come on everybody say butt just look at your spouse and say you need to get your butt out of the way get your butt out of the way but a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to do what church please her who not her boss not her supervisor but her husband now here's what i want to do i want to define the word please as we jump into this because i just read through scripture it is the responsibility of a husband and a wife to please their spouse can we say amen to that so the word please when you look it up in the bible it means to accommodate it means the idea of exciting emotion it means to be agreeable it means to strive to please and here's a good one it means to cater to the desire and interest of that person so for the sake of understanding let's read these verses again with this definition of the word pleasing inserted first corinthians 7 33 but a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please accommodate excitement excite his wife's emotions be agreeable with her and strive to please his wife verse 34 in the same way a woman who was is no longer married or never has been married can be devoted to the lord but a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please accommodate excite her husband's emotions be agreeable with him and strive to please her husband houston we have a problem see remember the first lesson that i taught us in this series for the married people how we talked about how many of us may have gotten married out of what i call non-biblical expectations in other words we got married and our reasons for marriage had nothing to do with god's purpose for marriage but we can see here in scripture that it is the responsibility of both people to please their spouse can we be in agreement on that it is the responsibility of both people to please their spouse so so here's the question church that i want you to think about as i teach the lesson what would your marriage look like if your number one goal when you woke up in the morning was to please accommodate and cater to the desire of your spouse what would your relationship look like it would look like quiet like it is in the room right now in reality as a spouse listen now pleasing your spouse should be your priority see we i think as s people we see being pleased as the priority and not pleasing as the priority and here's the problem when we see being pleased as the priority if that's not happening frustration irritation is going to set in eventually at times because something we want we're not getting and so then it feels like we're not a priority why because we're not getting what we want from the person therefore it demotivates us from seeking to please our spouse so here's the question how do we approach this principle of pleasing when it's not something listen that we're used to doing it's not a priority it hasn't been a priority and to be honest in some cases it's not something we really want to do that leads us to point number two god is pleased now this is it now now see on the single lesson i gave them the hard one up front i saved the hard one for last for y'all cause i needed y'all to come back so here's point number two god is pleased with you when you please your spouse i'm gonna say it again in fact won't you say it with me because i can see some of you all i'm already you drowning already you drowning you know how to swim and tread water but you drowning right now let's say it together say god is pleased with me when i please my spouse so now let's look at a situation i'm going to show you this principle of pleasing in scripture and then i'm going to explain to you what and how it's like to please your spouse genesis chapter 21 verse 5 it says and abraham was 100 years old when his son isaac was born to him and sarah said god has made me to laugh so that all that here will laugh with me and she said who would have said unto abraham that sarah should have given him children of suck for i have borne him a son in his old age and the child grew and was weaned and abraham made a great feast the same day that isaac was weaned and sarah saw the son of hagar the egyptian remember now that's ishmael's mother she saw the son ishmael of hey god the egyptians which had been born unto abraham mocking and wherefore she said to abraham listen to what his wife said cast out this bondwoman and her son for the son of this bondwoman shall not be an heir with my son even with isaac let's stop let me tell you what she's saying put him out abraham that's what she's saying i mean in everyday language put them out well let's see what happened and this thing was very grievous in abraham's sight because of his son it grieved him and see some of y'all who are married here come this is here i'm coming here here it is i'm i'm warning you right here okay see some of y'all who are married have inappropriate relationships with your ex you don't need to go over their house meet her not her her and meet him at walmart parking lot why are you over her house well pastor well no and you grieve with your wife because she having problems with how you are transferring children so let's see what happened it grieved abraham so let's see how god handled this and god said to abraham who said it to abraham god said to abraham hey don't let it grieve you because of the lad and because of the bondwoman he says listen in all how much all that sarah has said to you i need you to do what hearken to her voice thank you for that one silent clap hearken to her voice for in listen for in isaac shall your seed be called so now we can see that god told abraham to listen to or let's use it or say it this way god told abraham to please his wife by doing what she asked him to do but see there's another scenario that we're going to go over real quick another scenario where god was not happy about a particular husband listening to his wife let's go to now genesis chapter three genesis chapter three we got a scenario where god was like listen to that girl and now i'm about to show you a situation where god was like you shouldn't have listened to that girl it says genesis 3 14 and the lord god said to the serpent because you this is after they had seen that that they had eaten the fruit and so he said to the serpent because you've done this you're cursed above all the cattle and above all the beasts of every field upon your belly shall you go in the dust shall you eat all the days of your life and i will put enmity between you and the woman and between thy seed and her seed and it her seed shall bruise your head and you shall bruise his heel verse 16 and the woman said i will and unto the woman god said i will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception and in sorrow shall you bring forth children and thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over you verse 17. and unto adam he said now see god has just gone down listing uh consequences of their actions that's all that's happening right here and so it says in verse 17 and unto adam he says because you have what hearken what's another word for hearken because you have listened to the voice of your wife and you've eaten the tree that i commanded you not to eat of cursed is the ground for your sake and in sorrow shall you eat of it all the days of your life thorns and also thistles shall it bring forth to you and you shall eat the herb of every field wow two scenarios we got a situation where god told abraham please your wife do what you say and then over here god is saying you shouldn't listen to your wife see some of y'all confused right now like which one do i do faster which one i do here's the question so when should you aim to please and listen to your spouse especially when it's something you don't want to do or you feel a right to do what's the difference between when adam listened to his wife and pleased his wife and then when eve uh when adam or abraham when adam let's do his wife and then when abraham listens to his wife what's the difference between the two well here's the answer when what they are asking i'm talking about now how to know when to please your spouse when what they are asking you to do agrees with the word you should do everything that's four words everything they want you to do i'm gonna say that again when do you obey yours when you please your spouse let me use that word when do you please your spouse when what they are asking you to do agrees with god's word so now let's let's go back to the story where god told abraham to listen to uh his wife uh sarah because it's in that story we see the principle of why god told him to listen and please sarah in genesis 21 10 it says wherefore she said to abraham cast out the bondwoman and her son for the bond the son of the bond woman shall not be heir listen church with my son even isaac verse 11 it grieved abraham verse 12 god told him to do it and then watch what it says here he says let it not be grievous in your sight of the lad and because of the bond one and all that sarah has said unto you hearken to her voice watch this for in isaac shall thy seed be called so here's the question why would god agree with sarah here is why because what sarah or sarah was requesting from abraham watch this was something god had said to abraham and sarah before isaac was even born if you go back and read genesis chapter 17 now remember we read genesis 20. so does this was chapter 20 does chapter 17 come before 20 okay so the reason god agreed with her is because god had told them in chapter 17 why he wanted isaac to be the heir so i'm not going to keep reading but if you just go to genesis chapter 15 if you read verse 20. well let's go to verse 19. and god said sarah thy wife shall bear you a son indeed and shall call his name isaac and i will listen and i will establish my covenant with him for an everlasting covenant and then he talks about ishmael he says and asks for ishmael i have heard you behold i have blessed him and i will make him fruitful but verse 21 god makes it clear he says but my covenant i will establish with isaac and that's why god was able to agree with sarah why because sarah was only functioning from the word that god had given she said no no we can't mix this inheritance we can't mix this covenant we can't mix this agreement that god has made with the with the son of the flesh with the son of the promise and so when she agreed with what god has said god stepped in and whoever stays on the side of the word god would always side with them watch this now first thessalonians chapter 4 verse 1 it says this furthermore then we beseech you brethren and exhort you by the lord jesus that as you have received of us how you ought to walk and please who god so you would abound more and more he was writing to the thessalonians and he was saying to them hey listen we've taught you enough about two things number one how to walk with god and how to please god but then he says in verse two for you know what commandments we gave you by the lord jesus so that verse is telling them how they ought to walk and how they ought to please god so now i'm about to say something that's very challenging pleasing your spouse causes god to be pleased now you may say well pastor how can you say that here's why i can say that because it pleases god when you please your spouse because he's the one who told you to please your spouse i'm gonna let me rewind that one because some of y'all look confused some of you are watching me you you you you have wrinkles on your forehead you're trying to figure this out don't try to figure it out just listen to what i'm saying the reason why pleasing your spouse causes god to be pleased is because god is the one who told you to please your spouse we read that up front do y'all remember the verse so let me repeat myself again from what i said earlier you don't have watches now a pleasing problem with your spouse you really have a pleasing god problem i'm gonna say that again you don't really have a pleasing your spouse problem why because it's not your spouse that asks you to please them it was god in his word that instructed us to please the spouse so you don't have a spouse pleasing problem you really have a god-pleasing problem say amen second timothy chapter two verse one says this power was talking to timothy he says therefore my son be strong in the grace that is in christ jesus and the things that you have heard of me among many witnesses that the same commit thou to faithful men in other words he's saying whatever i taught you timothy i want you to commit that teaching to faithful men who shall be able to teach others also verse 3 says this watch this now he says timothy i need you to endure hardness as a good soldier of jesus christ why because no man no soldier nor believer of jesus christ that wars entangles himself with the affairs of this life why that he may please him who has chosen him to be a soldier now i'm going to read this in the living bible and then i'm going to break it down he says oh timothy my son be strong with the strength christ jesus gives you for you must teach others those things you and many others have heard me speak about he says timothy teach these great truths to trustworthy men who will in turn pass them on to others take your share listen uh church take your share of suffering as a good soldier of jesus christ just as i do verse 4 here's the key he says and as a christ soldier do not let yourself become tied up in worldly affairs because if you find yourself tied up in worldly affairs timothy listen what he says you will not be able to satisfy or i'm going to use the word please the one who has enlisted you in the army so listen to this church it becomes difficult to please god when we have adapted adopted or begin to function in marriage the way the world does see remember i said you don't have a spouse-pleasing problem you have a god-pleasing problem because it was god who instructed you to please and so if it's god who instructed me to please then guess what my goal should be to please him and we just read that if i or you or weeds begin to function as worldly people function in a marital relationship in other words the world's way he says we won't be able to please god earth winning fire they had a song that's the way wow of the world y'all have y'all remember that song how many remember that song raise your hand how many don't know this one raise your hand all right all right we we got three people in the room that don't understand listen here's the problem we as christians have allowed ourselves to adapt the thinking that the world has when it comes to marriage we've contaminated our thinking we've allowed the spirit of the world to get into our hearts and once it's inside of your heart you're gonna function from within your heart and so god's way is never the world's way in fact let's read first john chapter 2 verse 15 i'm almost finished he says love not the world he said neither the things that are in the world if any man love the world or the ways of the world i'm going to say the love of the father is not in him for all that is in the world listen to what's in the world now the lust of the flesh the lust of the eyes and the pride of life that's not of the father but it's of the world and the world passes away and the lust thereof but he that does the will of the father of the father or god abides forever a lot of marriages today christian marriages are functioning as the ways of the world this is why people quit marriage it's just like look i bought this i bought this from from walmart i'm gonna take it back i don't want it say amen church oh people just quit i think they need to change the rules to get married i guarantee you if they said okay listen it says to death do you part that's what the that's the vow to death do you part marriage is designed to be eternal right uh there are other issues that may pop up that that that can make it you know where you can be officially divorced but but let's just say you know in this case uh you know people just say i okay to death do you part so it would be great if the state gave the pastor permission to say okay once you say i do then it's death do you part if you decide to divorce we get to kill you [Laughter] you wouldn't have nobody get into the voice like i'm in it to win it see the way of the world says find you a side lover your husband ain't making you happy your wife ain't making you happy just go get some from from her she'll never know that's the way wow of the world the way of the world but they ain't making me happy so why should i make them happy that's the way wow of the world they ain't doing me right i ain't gonna do them right so here's a question as we close how do we resolve this problem how do you line your hearts up to please god so you can please your spouse because if you don't line your heart up to please god you won't be able to please your spouse so how do we do that because let me let me let me give you another hard saying here's another hard saying if you're not pleasing your spouse you're not pleasing god that's deep ain't it pastor that's not true you know bible says it better obey god than man yeah but if god told you to do something you're not obeying man you're obeying god i'ma say it again because that's hard if you're not pleasing your spouse you're not pleasing god why because he's the one that told you to please your spouse thank you amen from that cricket right there on the front row right there here's point number three here's point number three here's the question how in the world do i line my heart up to please god so i can please my spouse here's point number three you must die to you in order to please him in them i'm gonna say it again you must die to you in order to please him and them in other words you must die in order for your relationship to live matthew chapter 10 verse 39 quickly i'm closing he it says he that findeth his life shall lose it but he that loses his life for my sake shall find it galatians 2 20 says i am crucified with christ nevertheless i live yet it's not i but it's the christ that lives in me and the life which i now live in the flesh i live by the faith of the son of god who loved me and gave himself for me notice he says in the first part of that verse i'm crucified with christ john chapter 12 verse 24 says verily i say unto you except the corn of wheat falls into the ground and dies it abides alone but if it dies if this corn or wheat if you will die in your relationship it you will bring forth much fruit he that loves his life shall lose it and he that hates his life in this world shall keep it unto eternal life the only way that you're gonna maximize the potential of your marital relationship is that you must die so your relationship can live because in today's society we have two people who are standing up for their rights i ain't giving him none really you know i read a verse in the bible that says your body doesn't belong to you anymore wow i wish y'all could feel what i'm feeling up here no the bible says just like it said you should please your spouse both people that same bible says that your body does not belong to you thank you for that very faint weak internet signal clap [Applause] [Laughter] so how do we apply this how do we apply it number one you you're gonna have to make a decision that pleasing your wife is so your husband is going to be a priority you got to make pleasing your spouse priority here's number two you need to check and adjust your heart to see how much of the world's way you've let in hello mm-hmm number three you must repent of your ways and the world's ways because some of what you're doing you here's the sad thing is you weren't doing this stuff before you got married when you first got me you weren't doing this stuff number four you must die this is four words every day you must die every day to your will so that you can fulfill god's will because let me tell you something when you marry you need to rededicate yourself to the lord every day every day because there's always going to be something to come up when i talk about rededicate your life read that listen when you're married sometimes you have to rededicate yourself multiple times a day so with every head bowel there are some self-pleasing people in this room and who's watching me that's called selfishness and you will never maximize a marital relationship when selfishness exists you say well pastor evan you don't know why i've decided to stop doing this or start doing this i don't need to know why the question you have to answer to yourself is whatever reason you have is it bigger than the reason of why you should be pleasing god because it's not so father right now in jesus name i thank you for your word and i know it is the undeniable will of god for every married person to make it a priority to please their spouse and i pray in the name of jesus whatever obstacle whatever issue whatever problem whatever past situation that had they gone through or have crept into their relationship that is causing them to not please one another i pray that today they will take personal inventory [Music] so that father they can truly please you by pleasing their spouse and i thank you for that in jesus name but every head still bow the lord just told me there's some some of you watching me and some of you in the room you're like you know what i i'll start doing that when i get an apology you may not ever get one is the apology bigger than your desire to please god because if if it is if you're waiting on an apology what you're saying is god i'm gonna wait until this person acknowledged that they're wrong for me to please you well let me just say this that's not good thinking and so father i pray that the strength the honesty the integrity that it's gonna take for every couple to walk out what's being taught today i thank you for supernatural things taking place in their relationship in their lives and in their family in jesus name if you're here today with every head still bowed and if you're watching me my question is if you die today would you go to heaven because it is appointed unto man once to die the bible says but then after that there is a judgment you ready for judgment day is your heart right with god is your life right with god if you die today are you 100 sure you go to heaven because if you're not i'm talking to you and i want to pray for you and i promise you as a married person as you grow closer to god [Music] you will grow closer to your spouse maybe you're hearing or you're watching you say pastor evan i'm already saved if i die today i know i'd go to heaven but i need to rededicate my life to the lord in fact i need to rededicate myself to my relationship this is not something you have to reveal to your spouse but it is something you need to reveal to god because the only way you're going to walk in alignment with god and his principles is to stay in alignment with the person that he's put in your life as your spouse so maybe you need to rededicate yourself or maybe you need a church home there's some married people watching me right through the lens why don't you get on the same page and make a decision to join world of truth family church let that be the first step of agreement because the scripture says those who are planted in the house of the lord shall flourish i believe your relationship will flourish as you plant yourself as a couple into the house of god so those are three different people i want to pray for those who need salvation those who need to rededicate their lives and then those who would like to join word of the family church so listen if you're watching me and you need to get saved if you're not sure you go to heaven when you die i want you to pray this prayer with me out loud where you are watching and those of you in the house there may be someone here who needs to to get saved today well i want us to pray this prayer out loud so they can pray along with us and not feel alone let's pray together say lord jesus i believe you're the son of god i believe you died for my sins i believe god raised you from the dead and today i make you my lord and savior holy spirit come on the inside change me on the outside take me out of darkness put me in the light today i surrender my heart i surrender my life to the lord jesus christ in jesus name amen now father i thank you for those who raised their hands or those who made a commitment to rededicate their lives or join world of truth family church and i pray that spiritual momentum will take place in their lives like they've never seen before in jesus mighty name everybody say amen come on can you give the lord a handclap for someone making a decision today

Channel: Word of Truth

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Length: 39min 16sec (2356 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 19 2021