Learn to Not Blame Yourself | Ajahn Brahm | 25 May 2018

so not so many people this evening here one of the reasons probably is is because you can listen online and because you listen online you don't have to worry about the rain or the storm but even though you listen in front of a screen it's never the same as listening to it live it's really strange but it's a totally different atmosphere that's one of the reasons why people do I prefer to spend lots of money seeing where there's a football game or whether it's concert or anything else when it is live you're up there personal and is an interaction which happens which could never be replicated on a screen and it's one of the reasons why there is something I'm never saying in borås him like a transmission something which is much deeper than just the words because he being here and getting just the feeling the atmosphere and of course I was being a very fortunate life being able to meet some really really great beings in my life and a lot of times it wasn't just the talks which you got it was actually where it came from and a feeling that there was something very very very powerful but it was you may call it a transmission not the theory not even just the the the the words but is the whole atmosphere of the thing and that was what was so so so inspiring so it's wonderful that you managed to come here today and it's wonderful for those of you who can find the time to come here for the way sex celebration tomorrow yes it may be cold yes it may be rainy yes but that just makes it more interesting when life is really easy you have a wonderful time but when it's challenging that is where you can learn so much more and this is what I used to call the 70% rule because being a school teacher before I became a monk I often credit that for one of the reasons why I ran away to Thailand to become a monk because teaching high school students 17 I was 11 to 12 13 says 18 year olds that's enough to make anyone stressed out I want to do something else in life so I became a monk I left the world but anyway just what I was one of the things which I had to do was to give an examination give a test in maths and of course that are never given an examination before never given a test so never realised know exactly what you should do as a teacher and so that I asked a senior teacher and they told me why don't you set the said the exam not too hard but also not so easy if it's too easy and everyone just gets known 100 percent it's not really much worth it was too difficult so everyone gets 30 40 percent then they'll get depressed they'll think they can't do this they will give up they will lose motivation which is important part of life so they said try to set it to 70% the average score so that meant that 70% of which score means you're doing well you could do that particular task which you were being examined in and also it meant that the 30% where you failed I don't like that word the 30% when you didn't get it right the first time that's where the teacher could focus on that in the next few lessons so you could actually learn and I always thought that that was a wonderful metaphor for life and I was used to call that I call that ever since of 70 percent rule what it means don't try to be perfect in fact being perfect means there's no growth is no learning at all mistakes happen when they do happen they're not opportunities to hide and think that oh I didn't do anything it's not my fault why are you blaming me no those are the important parts of life where we actually grow and we learn or we develop if life is very successful you don't learn very much you don't grow but when you have these little challenges not too much challenges we only get 20 30 40 % in life of course you get depressed and you think oh I'm hopeless I'm no good I'm going to give up I'm going to do something else but even there you must always mention the point that sometimes we do judge unfairly sometimes we just judge other people we think oh you know I'm not as successful as they are I'm not as good meditator as they are they have a wonderful life well really actually go and find out what they're doing sometimes the life can be very very difficult for them but they don't show it you don't stay with them all the time so you don't really know what they have to go through so as many many people that they have had suffering they hide their stuff in the don't go around talking about it but they actually just embrace it learn from it grow from it and become amazing human beings which is really really inspiring sometimes we great if they did say more about their own suffering so it inspire other people but here we're talking about that idea of of embracing the difficulties in life that is a growth area and it can only happen if we accept that that's part of life that you don't have to be perfect you don't always have to get it right you don't always have to think that wasn't really my mistake somebody blame somebody else for your own mistakes it's not just transferring the problem over to somebody else he's actually learning how to own the problem own the mistakes of life so you can learn what life is really about and so their idea of not blaming others not even blaming yourself because why do we play mothers anyway it's their fault it's their mistake why is it that we always want to blame somebody else and to take it out on somebody else it's because we cannot admit that we you know were fought somewhere we could have done something better instead of blaming others so when we're not afraid of admitting our own little failings and faults and mistakes then that means that we can have this wonderful idea of accepting other people as well we don't transfer the blame it's just a life we accept our mistakes we grow from it and we learn from it instead of just no trying to think there's something wrong with me it all comes back to this idea of a sense of ego and self and Pride and conceit of thinking I'm right and everybody else is wrong no one understands me no one is hearing me no one can really empathize with me all you're really saying is you're not hearing yourself you're not empathizing with yourself and not understanding yourself and you're transferring that as a problem to other people so why is it we have a difficulty trying to understand ourselves Anna means obviously is to be able to hear ourselves we have to have this lack of fear about you know who we are you know sometimes that people to say oh that lovely little store okay I can't help it teddie our stories that was a story it was a the story of Nazaruddin he was the Islamic Sufi saint many many years ago centuries ago in Iran and that after a meditation retreat he took his students to a funfair there was some celebrations in town so after the retreat they went to the fun fair to now have nice food and play games and stuff and there was an archery contest and the archery contest you'd have three arrows and if you hit the target you would get the prize what we the prize our little teddy bear or something so I'll call it a teddy bear because I like teddy bears and he would go down to jhana Grove you see it got heaps of teddy bears over there so many teddy bears and that's sometimes because my nickname at Sun Bear Brom but anyway there he decided he would have a go of shooting the arrows at the target after all he was mindful he was focused he had the power of lots of meditations surely he could do something to win a prize and so he took three hours just for a few dollars whatever it was and he took their first arrow put it in the bow and shot it and it almost killed one of the bystanders it was totally off to market and that people were embarrassed this was a well-known personality in the village in the town in the district he was making a fool of himself and people started to say I'll give it up you don't know how to shoot a bow and arrow and he said that was a shot of a hasty man so put the second bow second arrow in the bow and he shot it and that went way over the target and they said you missed again I said yeah yeah well well that was a shot of her of a conceited man and so put his third I said stop you're making an idiot of all of us you're a very important person in the community and you might kill somebody and he shot the third arrow and of course in these stories always have a happy ending but a profound ending that arrow went straight in the middle of the target Oh bullseye perfect shot and when he received the teddy bear they said wow if the first shot was a shot of a hasty man and the second shot the shot of a conceited man who did the third shot and he said that was me when it goes wrong when we don't hear the target it's somebody else's flowers that are my game today I'd in for you well I am tired somebody else is for when he do hit the target that's me so you can see it is how ego and so distorts the truth and what's wrong with missing the target is everybody does that from time to time so instead of denying it we admit it we made a mistake so why not tell other people about it which is one of the reasons why I always like it when I tell about my own mistakes and sometimes you've heard about all my own mistakes so sometimes we tell about other people's mistakes which I'm partly responsible for so I remember I was telling the monks about this a few days ago and this is is our treasure and people around because otherwise when I tell this mistake then they may take action against me was okay they're not here I can't see but anyway so we were out there doing some business in town and the driver of the car which I was travelling in dis know we had to go somewhere for lunch because we couldn't get back to - to town to our monastery Hut this monastery or that monasteries so we decided he decided to take me into this little shop in North Bridge in New Castle Street which sold he said the best pies in Perth so he took me in there and just after it was okay pie not that great but you know I was good enough I'm very easy to please the only pies I don't like a mad price no they're okay little big place but anyway that was a joke by the way okay so anyway there I was having roughly finished a meal then the driver he couldn't find the keys to the car he said where are they and so we can't find him so we decided no to retrace our steps go to the car to see if he dropped him somewhere you know what had happened when I got to the car first the car doors were open the engine was running because the keys were still in the ignition this was in Northbridge and I don't know what it is sometimes if a thief had gone past he thought this can't be happening this can't be real no one this must be a trick this must be a trap because who would leave the guard doors open of about half an hour probably a bit longer half an hour with the keys in ignition and engine running in Northbridge so there is my way of protecting things reverse psychology leave the doors open of your house they've everything or expensive things in there and people say my goodness you know no one in the right mind would do things like this so you know they won't steal it you think that would work don't try otherwise if you get the advice here and you sewers and then we'd be in big trouble again so anyway but so people sometimes they make mistakes and so you tell other people right because well that means he said people are being human and when you accept your mistakes when you don't try to hide them you take responsibility you learn from them so that means the next time I didn't actually tell you this story that some years ago just like the local post office was over in Byford and it wasn't so busy in those days that were to Southwest Highway so I meant we had to go to the post office and so I went in there with the driver different driver but just the same same stupidity I don't know why I was picked oh that's the driver to me this morning sitting over there so I better not say this but we wade into the post office and then trying to gain the queue waiting for her to do the business and then the somebody came with us who's that who's the owner of that car outside which is rolling down the southwest Iowa does our driver forgot to put the brake on and you won't believe there was a gradient there I don't today this is totally anyone believe it was going down a hill but it certainly was because the car was going down the hill and so in those days I was much fitter than these days I was running after it the an egoic oh he was just way behind me and had to run behind it and jump in and put the brake on it was half way down and maybe win a hundred meters and I was in the air but then in those days that was a giant chakra was the boss so we never told him about that please probably hearing it now so anyway so we all make mistakes and we learn from this and is it nice when it's tell mistakes like that it makes it human and normal and people actually they own up their own mistakes they realize they're fallible you don't need to be perfect to be wise and to be kinder to make a difference in this world and that imperfection means that you you can admit mistakes your own mistakes you can forgive those mistakes and you can admit and forgive other people's mistakes as well so in other words you don't blame others because all they're blaming others all starts from blaming yourself and not sort of understanding it's okay to make false it's okay for other people to make false it's okay for people to to fall asleep and start snoring to in the meditation that wonderful time once it was in here many years ago and I was doing the meditation actually you're doing the meditation that somebody they lay down just over there somewhere and they were pointing their feet at me than the Buddha which is supposed to be you know against the etiquette no in in especially Thai Buddhism no laying down there and they started to snore I mean really snore I mean like an elephant snores like like the the the Train make some noises by the Indian Pacific when it just gets to a crossing like those those big road trains you know just really loud noises it was really loud noise this lady was making she was snoring her head off and somebody woke her up and afterwards that was afterwards oh it was much talk that evening I said that poor lady she came to see me before the meditation she was this is many many years ago she was a victim of quite horrendous domestic abuse and she came here just you know to find a place of safety and you can imagine just how she felt so tight so tense so afraid she couldn't sleep at her own house these were the days before the refugees before you know we had the social services to assist and she came here and she felt safe she felt secure that at last no one was gonna hurt her and harm her and so of course as soon as she she felt a bit sleepy she just laid out and had a nap which no she needed so badly and so I always tell people after that if someone does not please leave them alone just you know they need it so don't criticize you have to do it this way how to do that way their idea of blaming others you shouldn't do it that way I'm gonna stop it that is again just not understanding just how people work in this world and how how people live so because of that you know that when if people do snow the only time when it was really bad when somebody was snoring was when I was teaching meditation in in the prison once at a high-security prison now because it was a high C is the world one in Canning Vale think it's called acacia now is it acacia or whatever anyway they keep on changing the names but anyway that when I was teaching in there because it was high-security prison you had to have a prison officer with you at all times so he had to come in my meditation group so as I was teaching meditation even the prison officer you know he was just what he's hearing it so he decided to close his eyes and start meditating as well and of course he was the one who started snoring and it was a very good job I opened my eyes to check because as he was snoring one of the prison officers his hand was maybe about one inch from the keys and this is our let's look to the prisoner ready to go so there are times when you shouldn't snore so anyway that sometimes you have know people make mistakes we do the wrong things sometimes so instead of hiding me and feeling guilty and blaming us all I'm obras on to what sort of Monk of my you know the 14 asleep during the minute you know when was over in Thailand you know we used to meditate in the jungles and I would always get sleepy now when I was meditating in those jungles and I thought you know this is terrible so we had all these little tricks we used to do is there some matches behind you see any matches because this was a trick those have been on meditation retreats to see me do this this is because wow this is really big so so you always sleeping when you sleep you start nodding you know before you snore that was the first stage so I always trying all sorts of things methods so I didn't I didn't get sleeping starts no especially when you work with an Agilent char around so what I did I put these matches on top of my head like this because the idea was if you started nodding yeah waiting for her ID I'm not gonna do it but anyway it will fall off and they would wake you up because you'd hear the sound of all the matches coming out but what happened we're done you took her who no that's how I can get some feedback some mindfulness well after a while I put them on top of my head and about a week of this and then it would never fall off not once it I thought I'd beaten my sleepiness we know what happened I was not in like this you can't trust this body just really sneaky but but you know I felt so guilty about that you know I was supposed to be meditating and I couldn't do it and I was falling asleep and just as hopeless but then right always doing that you know to tell the other month me now if I'm sleepy just not to me or something but that didn't work either because they were sleepy too but of course you blamed yourself think you're hopeless meditator but you know what happened what it meant was the one day when I was over in Bangkok doing my visa and somebody this monastery what born in the center of Bangkok they had it's in a wealthy monastery was where the king the wrong monastery they allowed us to stay there and they had this air-conditioned room and this was about 40 years ago no more than that 42 years ago actually had an aircon in it and we used to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning ok these days we only get up at 4 o'clock we've gotten lay you see these days wouldn't come to Australia but in those days 3 o'clock in the morning and of course no one would use that air-conditioned room in that monastery at that time so he asked permission got the key and we could use that room 303 o'clock in the morning and you know because the temperature was nice and cool we can make it sort of like Western type temperature especially England temperature in the wintertime it's no time if I got the the device I could do it what happened was you were perfectly awake no sloth and torpor torn oh I realize it's just not my fault I just realized that this body this was born in in in in West London I was a new stuff hot weather and also in those days you know we were sleep-deprived only about 4 hours a night and malnourished no you know those food used to have frog on rice literally that was one meal a day and just in a hot temperature lack of sleep malnourished and of course I was so any disrespect to the Buddha even if the Buddha was born in London you know he would have fallen asleep under the Bodhi tree probably with all respect because it was cause and effect that's all so but the thing was learn how to not blame myself made a mistake that's all wrong place wrong time when you don't blame yourself and think oh this meditation doesn't work oh I can't do this well this Buddhism is hopeless all this monastery is no good or this this Buddha society I convinced all of that is actually the reason why we blame others is again because it is passing the buck what's really happening is this their own little problems and difficulties which we're not really facing up not learning from trust you to find out the problem inside of us fix this up now fixing this I was all okay you're sleepy okay you're tired okay you know you snore okay you're fed up welcome to the world so after a while you realize it's not fixing yourself up it's not just trying to force yourself never to not or never to make mistakes or never to whatever to to put your feet in front of the Buddha whatever we all make mistakes sometimes but he's actually learning to own our mistakes understanding and transcendence it is not changing the world but not changing yourself but changing your relationship to yourself how you look at yourself how you react to the the faults of life and also the successes of life there 70% of all don't try to be a hundred percent if you become a hundred percent if my robe always stayed on every evening then I would make it so difficult for other monks this is one of the reasons why I do allow on purpose of course my love to fall off so the other monks won't feel so so tight and uptight if they have cost you malfunctions during the talk so hope then you have a nice relationship to yourself you know these things fall off I know sometimes you get a bit fat you know that somebody sent me I've done it they're listening somebody over in India they've started a new retreat program is in dam Sala apparently in the where the the has Hollister Dalai Lama lives and it's that it's called a big belly meditation retreats it's very inspired by apparently told us Adele Aramis getting fat - that's what they said and inspired by monks like Chandra big belly meditation anyway if she's listening today your message got through and I thought it's very very funny and it was we spent a lot of time drinking chai which is lots of tea very sweet with lots of condensed milk so the last some messages gone through just how to become fully enlightened with vitamin T with sweetened we could don't call it condensed milk we call it Samadhi milk concentrated what what it really is it okay just knees you got your little idiosyncrasies and stuff you know it's don't hide a bit of course and the reason I do that it's not because of greed or desire or stuff like that it's just to make sure you're not so perfect because if as a teacher because raise the bar so high became so perfect people say oh it's unattainable that you must have been born with a bald head when you came out of your mother's womb a time from oh you must have been just just in your womb practising jhanas and so now you serve you lower the standard so it doesn't become so intimidating for other beings that way okay but anyway that's my life of getting into trouble but what it it goes again but what it doesn't mean is that when you have a much better attitude to yourself you don't try and be perfect it does also mean you become at peace with yourself do you expect the world to be perfect do we expect the weather to be perfect here it is again oh my goodness cup of tomorrow day after tomorrow we're gonna have have our way sack then we've got to go outside to do a circumambulation and it's gonna be wet what are we gonna do so we cancel it so we just postpone it till next week what shall we do so no we say that when we go outside if it's really raining this is a wonderful opportunity it must be the heavenly beings are so inspired they are splinting us with holy water blessing water straight from the heavens so soak in the wonderful wetness the the the Dharma which was this is what we say when we do this I think I told you last week that's one of the reasons why I wasn't invited to bless the Royal Wedding over in in Windsor Castle because you know when I do my blessings I spin called awesome awesome holy water and they didn't think that was a good idea for those couple but anyway that's what I would to get my fishing just anyway but anyway over here you don't need to do that because maybe aren't on on the way stock when we do the circumambulation you'll get totally soaked allow the dummer to go right inside of you okay we know in other traditions know they have like baptism where they soak people in water this is just you know trying to get sort of understand how the other religions work get you sort of soaked in the rain it's a good idea but anyway it's a relationship you have to what happens in life rather than trying to control the world after all look at your your partner in this world how they give you so much problems and trouble are they perfect but as so often happen because I've seen this know people they have these these marriages these relationships and then one person just are they just pass away they died and now sometimes I say aren't you glad you've got rid of them and honestly this happened there's this lady used to come here and she would always she would always just embarrass her husband every time they came here I think some may remember it was it's George George come over here George is stupid man George George and I always felt so sorry for George and it was intimidated he was bullied he was harassed and eventually she passed away when she passed away I asked George afterwards oh you must be so relieved he says no I miss her so much it's amazing what we get attached to when when mr. Trump eventually leaves the White House you know sometimes it's like that sometimes you you have these these I should be visiting some people's houses sometimes they're next to busy highways sometimes the next to railway tracks are next to the airport and it's just can you sleep here restive it's just so noisy where you are and then when they move they just they can't they can't even sleep they get so used to things so sometimes you see it's just not the noise it's not that different the politics it's not we made the best use of what we have and it's wonderful just to see just how people can be so adaptive and that is one of the wonderful things when we stop blaming ourselves we adapt to life whatever life has to give us we learn how to make the best of it and adapt to it and just to see what we can make with what we have it's not perfect but sometimes we can learn so much you know for some of the other ways of seeing it's not just enduring it it's not just saying oh we have to just put up with this no he's actually looking at it in a totally different light a different way just like oh monk the time mark he was set up this was a long time ago a really good monk he was about to become the head monk of Thailand and somebody else politics they wanted to sort of get him out of the way so they could become head monk and so they set him up this as years and years ago this before I became a monk and they said him up as being a communist then that was illegal entitled at the time and so he got sent to jail I remember reading his little biography anise is really inspiring because when he was sent to jail he was actually had a wonderful time in jail he said I don't have to give any talks I don't have to do any ceremonies I know all I can do now is this beautiful little cell I just meditate all day no one bothers me and I sometimes wondered about that as a very busy senior monk maybe that's what I could do but you know it wasn't his fault he didn't chose to do that as always karma let it let him and he made a wonderful use of it and after a while they found out he was set up in and after two years in jail I think it was there those entire people here choking tape ceremony and what my heart but anyway after two years you didn't feel sort of bitter about the people who'd sent him two jobs that he quite thankful gave him a nice break for a couple of couple of years said some of the best times of his monastic life because after all what's the difference anyway between being in a cell in a monastery and being yourself and actually there's many of many advantages you know in a certain a monastery you know you have to work people knock on your door and ask problems and you have to come here on a Friday night and you have to sort of write books and you have to sort of sort out problems and there's many many things you have to do and people want to talk to you and then they want to sort of invite you to their house and then you have to do the blessings and then if it works it's great if it doesn't work they they criticize you is this one lady here what did this lady she was what this time of the year in November she was about to do her first year exams she was from overseas Malaysia I think first year from overseas and then she asked me to do some charting of exams were coming next week so I did the charting for her never saw her again she disappeared but I heard from her friends her friends were coming around and said a jumper is no good a jumper is a bad mark ajahn Brahm is charting is terrible because the reason while she failed her exams and she blamed me so the for while it was a my fault a friend said don't worry about a ciabatta because I don't worry about it and you said it was a reason was was because first year away from home she's been the first year instead of going to the lectures and and going to the tutorials and reading the books and doing our homework she was she was just partying all the time the first time away from home partying and partying and partying and when the time came for the exams she thought I would take care of that oh there's a limit to what a man can do so we can't do that anyway this is anyway oh please anyway so people always criticize you but you laugh at it and you just understand that what you should really tell people if you're giving a blessing sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't why is it because it's up to you just like the other charting is just they even some was it last year they had this soccer team in England Leicester they won the premiership the top team in England and they said it was because he was owned by a Thai tycoon and you know what he did that I could he sent the monks from Thailand in his private jet so that all the home games in England and they built a special room under the stadium where they would do their chanting and their blessings and they this Timothy was Leicester they'd be everybody and so I was actually waiting I was waiting for to be invited at least so the West Coast Eagles or the Fremantle Dockers or somebody didn't know invitations at all no but you know I've got for me I did actually once when the okay I better finish off these stories I can go on all night but this was this was the time we're going to trouble I had I had hit this for many years I should have just admitted it straight away and that was with the with the cricket many the Sri Lankans know this story I haven't told this to the the the last there's a sarong canoe year over in made 70th anniversary was it was it or Independence or whatever anyway in front of the the former governor of Western Australia Quinton Bryce and she reminded me of this but fortunately sees she's retired now so I can't get in any more trouble about this because it was the some type people asked what are you doing going to the Sri Lankan Independence Day when you're a bit you know that's like you know that they kicked your ancestors out of the country so what you've come to celebrate because I support Sri Lanka their cricket team because what happened there was a cricket match between Sri Lanka on Australia at the Old West Australian cricket ground the worker and only one day match and at lunch interval the Australians they were just hammering the suet Hankins they were winning by such a big amount so some of the boys who actually come here they were helping out at the stadium they came here and said had some problem item for him we've been asked by the captain of this would I can cricket team to get some holy string from a good monk and we think you're a good man can you do this blessing string and so I shouldn't have done this I mean it's a ridiculous thing to do but I blessed 12 pieces of string because you know one for the twelfth man no cricket I know cricket so 12 pieces of string I blessed and I sent them to the ground you know what happened Sri Lanka lost [Music] but because they offer it too late but that was not the real important match because there that was a warm-up game for the World Cup cricket and as every three lankan knows Miz would anchor would never won much before but this they had the final Srilanka this World Cup cricket final Sri Lanka vs. Australia and you know how much Australians love their cricket and Sri Lanka won against all predictions Srilanka beat Australia and won the World Cup cricket and that was a nice what I can remembers that remember the occasion it was their captain I remember his name Arjuna vana Tonga because I saw people show me in the the West Australian newspaper the big picture of the captain holding up the World Cup and if hopes will anchor they just celebrated I don't know for how long and of course Australia was just so upset they just missed out but as he was holding out with the company know what I saw on his hand my string it was my string which was on all of the cricketers and say except the Australians that was why they won the World Cup because when Australian muck and it took years before I admitted that otherwise I got kicked out the country but anyway I admit that now so look Australian cricket team you're not doing too well at the moment so get some string is that cheating so anyway so you do make mistakes sometimes and and so it's the relationship we have it's a life and admit your faults could you admit your fault you don't have to be so perfect and that does mean there you're far more tolerant of other people's mistakes when you're tolerant of other people's most of your own mistakes and you admit them it's learning from then you can find you can live with other people you don't have to so try and make them perfect or make the world perfect or make mr. Trump perfect it's wonderful as he is as long as he's somewhere else other than wide oh say mr. Trump be happy and well somewhere else or whatever so in other words it's don't blame others instead realize this is great learning experience don't blame yourself instead understand yourself admit your faults learn from them and then you find it's very easy to live with others in this imperfect world thank you for this thing okay so have we got any messages from the Australian cricket team why'd you do that you're supposed to be Australian but yes oh yeah sure how he's over in Chicago and I was over there last June and again he said I'm likely to go over there next next June for conferences they can I come and say hello no actually that's an interesting thing because when I saw him he's he's his first wife which he married that's one reasons why he left didn't work out that well but he said that it was part of his wonderful good karma that no she was a very highly paid in her profession and he couldn't do very much at all it is interesting because he was a monk a really good counselor but you can't get any sort of jobs as a house and this had gone through got all the qualifications and he didn't have any qualification to certificates as a monk so he couldn't get a job as a counter take a three or four years of going through psychology courses you know which he probably knew more than the teachers about psychology so couldn't do that and he had a chemistry degree but that was just so old it wasn't worth anything and so the one thing he did get was the job of a a maintenance of building building maintenance because that's one of the things which if you go to progeny on a monitor or even its domicile monastery you know become very skilled at fixing things so he got a job as a maintenance guy in a sort of the Theosophical Society in ovary and that was gave him a little a way to to get a little profession and so he still does that he's a head maintenance guy at the Theosophical Society but anyway the wife he married was very very wealthy and so when they got separated divorced that he got half the assets and now he wrote to me he said well this must be my Karma being a man for such a long time so good on him very nice it's a great time together anyway so anyway that I didn't invite him back over to Perth whitey I didn't invite him back because I knew that you know he was a little bit too resistant so I used my all the wisdom which I've had as a Buddhist monk over these years I asked his new wife said why don't why don't he's a good idea he comes over to to Australian I said oh yeah be very good idea so that means that you can't refuse it you never go the straight way just go round about anyway Wolfgang from Germany how can we understand ourselves we are not in touch with our feelings you cannot feel peace what our feelings okay you can experience those first we experience them they're their counterpart in your body if you're feeling really peaceful in your mind your body will access if you're afraid your body tenses up if you're in love your body feels really nice and squishy and soft what else if you're really angry you're ready to fight so your feelings your emotions they are manifested in your body so you get to know them in your body first of all just the different states and you associate that feeling with fear with excitement anticipation those are the sorts of feelings you can get to know in your body first of all and from your body then you can start to understand where they're coming from in your mind and that's where we get to know what peace is there's a great question no not in touch with our feelings get in touch with your body at least you can get to know that and from that you go to your emotional world but after a while with your meditation cat she'd learn what is compassion and kindness kindness is a get better come on better how long have I got to come and see you in the hospital I got another job to do why should I come you'd better get better soon of course that's not getting better is it that is just no putting your demands on somebody else that's why even just the other day when one of our monks went over to that's when a boom would he tell you when I would cease family in Finland Oh may you have a happy friar if you want to we don't have to it's really up to you I'm not gonna control you have a have a wonderful weekend you know some said and as anybody wished you that have a wonderful weekend who do you think you are to tell me what to do with my weekend if I can have a miserable weekend I'm gonna have a missle weekend just to spite you so what it is is sometimes I think it's compassion may you get happier and well that puts a pressure on somebody to know to live up to your expectations so instead we just have one for open the door you want to be happy and well fine if you don't be happy well that's fine so just always be your friend no matter if you're miserable so then yes you get to understand what these feelings are but if you have this beautiful openness it's amazing tissue tend to be happy and well but if you try so hard to be happy it really makes you sick and the next one is Mary Poppins from somewhere somebody is is hiding their true identity could you give some advice to someone who is really struggling with staying in the present time it's mainly living in the daydreaming world oh if you are in Perth Mary Poppins used to have a try remember that used to have it I'm Greta wasn't it so put your umbrella away and just go out and get wet you stop daydreaming you become alive I know the life getting wet just no feeling the wind in your face going and jumping in puddles and getting real dirty that sort of staff is far more alive and enlivening you know that one of the reasons we do this holy water stuff you know sometimes with kids you see kids come into monasteries and they just know five or six years I'm not all kids sometimes I don't know what the heck's going on and now they can give talks and chant in the air that's really but you did the holy water on them because it's tactile they can feel it and some they just burst out with these wonderful grins and start laughing and just they feel you know something which is which is no it's not too cold not too hot not too much and so it's very that's why the kids they do this face painting doesn't matter just what they're painting just they can feel you know on their face somebody just the brush or painting something they've become an alive when they feel things rather than than just through theory so it's fun I'm saying the press sometime it's made everything a daydream it well go and get someone to paint your face any feel life take your shoes off and socks off and just feel the ground you know which you're stepping on so it's amazing just how much we insulate ourselves from the real world and we need to do things like that it's amazing just you become alive a life is much better than daydreaming after a wild daydream we just makes you really Dowell and when what am i doing that for and that's one from Israel I find myself blaming others for what I'm experiencing why and the blaming others sometimes it's how we've been taught it's how we've been brought up it's much easier to blame somebody else the one of the key Chinese sayings I'll learn this I think must be before I became a monk rather light a candle then complain about darkness in other words complaining about others and blaming others sometimes we we miss other opportunities why are people acting like there why do people just try and push others out and it's glued us and that's one of the reasons that all say no I somebody created me honor what it was is they they drew a circle which which this is which shut me out they drew a war which shut me out they made a war which shut me out heretic infidel something someone to flout but love and wisdom had the wit to win I drew a bigger circle which pulled them in included them in there's a wonderful little thing there because we do make walls you know to pay for by the Mexicans to try and try and keep people out you can't do that and then people find a way to get in so make it a bigger wall a bigger war which goes around the whole of planet Earth which goes around the whole universe to bring everybody in to bring not just people so to bring know all the difficulties and problems of life in to welcome things and make use of them rather than trying to get rid of things so instead of blaming others because really you blame yourself always blaming was not good enough anyway there has to be good enough because I've gone over time that's all you're getting this evening otherwise I'd have to try to put a society for overtime penalty rates so anyway I hope you enjoyed this evening and hopefully we'll see you tomorrow or at least on Sunday for the way sex celebrations very good groups so now post based buddhadharma scientific wish to stay behind of a little chat or ask questions or complaints you're most welcome you say for the SU party panel son go son

Channel: Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Views: 96,429

Keywords: Buddhism, Dhamma, Dharma Talk, Ajahn Brahm, blame

Id: zNBuRBzCJrY

Length: 58min 53sec (3533 seconds)

Published: Fri May 25 2018