I Don't Own My Past | by Ajahn Brahm | 03 May 2013

okay most people fantasy no so for this evening's talk I wanted to discuss one aspect of a very strong Buddhist theme of letting go of attachments and especially letting go of attachments to what happened in the past because no matter how much we talk about little this way and that we're letting go of the past still we still linger in some of the very painful experiences we've had as a saying which I been mentioning a lot over the last year concerning the future when if you want something more you can't enjoy what you already have a profound saying you want something more you can't enjoy what you already have so to let go of wanting for things in the future so you can enjoy the present the weekend now if you're not working on this weekend if you're just planning what you're going to do next you can't enjoy where you are the same goes of the past if we currently go over the past we can't free ourselves from having to figure out and work out and settle the issues of the past also we can't be free in the present moment we cut enjoy life you can't have peace because we're still lingering figuring out and being sometimes even tortured by what happened in the past so today I'm going to be discussing just some of the more profound ways of letting go of the past now I've given many similes of the how to let go of the past you know in previous talks and I'm not going to let go of those similes I'm just going to bring them up just so that it completes the talk this basically was based on an incident with my master ajahn Chah walking back on arms round one day and my master Chen Cho just stopped by the side of a picked up a stick and he asked me how heavy is the stick before I could answer he throwed it away isn't it amazing just actually on something instead of just talking he said as soon as you throw it away it's not heavy anymore it's only heavy when you keep holding it and so it's obvious that all the pain and problems which happened to you in the past again it's only heavy when you keep holding it but it's so hard to throw things away and we're not really used to be able to do that we don't know how to do that and so he continued later on with the story the two chicken farmers I do this very quick it's a very famous story - taken but many of you come for the first time - chicken farmers first chicken farmer went into the chicken shed early in the morning to collect the produce of the night before he talked the basket went into the shed and filled the basket full of chicken little black pellets and he left the eggs in the shed to rot we brought the back into the house where it's tagged the whole house out he was a dumb chicken farmer and he didn't really know what was willing to do he was stupid chicken farmer number two went into the shed he filled a basket full of eggs he left a in the shed to what he'd become valuable fertilizer later we don't bring that into the house with you he brought the eggs back into the house where he could make a lovely omelette for his family and sell the rest of the eggs in the market for cash that's a smart chicken farmer and the meaning of that story attention I would often say and I've said this in so many conferences he said the way you dissimilar what it means is when you go and collect the projects of your past when you think about all the things which have happened to you in your life or even just today or the last week what do you put in your basket bring home with you are you collectors or egg collectors and of course you're laughing because you're all collectors you know that I know that yeah all the beautiful things which happened to us this last week we left that in the past to rot and we bring back all the mistakes so this is one of the first things which we need to know that it does not require it should not be done to keep the pie rain of the past coming into the future so as I was contemplating this four little steps in letting go of the past first of all to know it should be done it's not something you should keep the pain of the past number two that it can be done and thereafter you know it can be done have some ceremony or some acts something to do so you do let go over the past and then lastly realizing what it's like to be free of the past so you don't need to pick it up in the future so this first step knowing it should be done and this is one of the problems because a lot of people they don't want to let go of the past I first came across this they just want to keep collecting the pain of the past one of the first times I came across this is when I was teaching a degree for loss seminar no Dennis some years ago observation City and I gave lots and lots of wonderful teachings about how to let go of grief mention the story of my father dying and again this is an old story so Satan grief again about how his life to me was similar to a concert he had died only after sixteen years and just like the end of every concert I used to attend in London as a young man I never cried once after a great concert even though when the concert had ended I knew that I wouldn't be able to listen to that music again still I never felt sad I was grateful to have been there at the time for a beautiful concert of 16 years with my father so I gave that beautiful simile of a concert you can read it in more depth in the book opening the door of your heart is helped many many people I've taught that stub as a way of letting go of grief grief is is looking at the past looking what's been taken away from you and the solution is not just looking what's been taken away from your looking what you've had collecting the eggs not the you've had wonderful time remember that don't just think of the death or the suicide or the fact they're not there anymore if you can do things like that this is no painting what I never cried when my father died never cried ever and just a few days ago Malaysia I was doing a sharing of merit ceremony for my mother and father it's a beautiful thing to do even though they die such a long time ago my father so you don't need to do that but when I taught that at the end of my session this woman came up to me and she blasted me she was so upset she scolded me said don't you ever do that again don't you ever tell me not to be grieving don't you ever try and take away my suffering again and I basically that's what she was saying she was so attached to her suffering in other words she was actually getting benefit out of it by going to all these conferences and people say oh you poor thing what a terrible tragedy it was I think she lost her daughter I think it was one of the as if I remember correctly one of the Clermont killings she was the mother of one of those girls no no one actually knows who did this but here in Clermont some years ago there was a series of murders you know young ladies disappeared their bodies were found later on that was one of the mothers and she had almost made a persona out of being the grieving mother and getting a lot of sense of of identity a sympathy and as you could see she's getting many benefits and I was saying no let it go very similar to when you're a prisoner and you've been in jail for twenty thirty forty years and you say let go of that walkouts be free but we were afraid of leaving jail because we've been used to that and where we've been used to it we became so attached to it we're afraid of letting it go and this is one of the problems first of all we say we should leave the prison of past we deserve to leave the prison is sometimes scary in that particular woman she never wanted to go at all and she realized that I was giving her a way out I'd unlocked the door of the cell and she was blaming me for that so why is it so hard to actually to know we should let go of the past this is one of the reasons why we have to make some associations association that the past is not something you should be keeping unfortunately in our culture we always say oh you can learn from the past people who don't remember history have to repeat history and I think that's totally wrong psychologically socially in all and philosophically it's when we keep on remembering the history then we keep on repeating it not the other way around and one of the reasons is is because what the type of history we remember is really much the bad stuff the things which went wrong yeah we do collect the dirty stuff and we remember that and we dwell upon that we mile upon that and that is one of the reasons that it keeps being repeated I here we go again with prisoner stories every time those prisoners in jail I meet keep remembering their crimes remembering their crimes they were criminal they're a murderer when they get released they repeat those crimes but when I come along and just forgive them you're a person you're not a criminal you're not a murderer you're a person a man we made a mistake but you're not that mistake you're a person a human being you're not a killer you're not a rapist you're a human being and I'm going to stand up for you that way and you I'm going to respect you and they respect themselves and because they respect themselves I remember the other part of them they don't really remember that past so much they don't dwell upon it which means when I get released they don't do those crimes anymore very basic psychology that past should be let go of for example any of you have had a bad relationship you've had a bad relationship if you keep remembering that bad relationship the next relationship you're going to have and also be a bad one you failed a test and you tend to fail the next one as well and say lack of confidence or whatever there's something much deeper to it than that that deeper part of it we know in Buddhism is making an identity of your past this is who I think I am I am the raped girl I was talking to another poor girl who was had been raped in her past a beautiful girl in Malaysia in a young attractive good-looking a good-looking but she thought that no one could ever like her and since obviously she didn't like herself at all because of what had happened and it was very difficult for me to talk to her at length to try and allow her to let that one go to move on to actually to to not to obsess with that and obviously you can see what happens that's a terrible terrible terrible thing to happen to a person I'm not trying to diminish now the the cool cruelty and the the terror and the pain of such an act but nevertheless if you keep on focusing on that you are denying yourself peaceful happy successful joyful life you don't need to do that why is it and I was telling her that you know you didn't do this someone else did that to you you never made any bad karma it's not your fault you haven't done anything wrong but why is it you punish yourself and you put yourself in that prison of the past but always open please walk out so we have to associate first of all that that is destroying our life that is stopping us being happiness please don't celebrate the pain of the past and make that you know who you think you are I am the raped woman I am the failure I am the damaged goods and I was trying to get people out of that and I gave that simile to sir for the weeks ago is one of those similes I keep doing this similes for three or four weeks until I find a better one that's a simile of the trees in the forest you know you go into a forest all the trees will be crooked and bent the box guard no branches hanging off they're all damaged goods in the forest go out and see enough always come if you like to Bodie jnana monastery or the nun's monastery domicile trying if you can find a perfect tree or bush anywhere there aren't such things every tree is damaged goods that is why they are beautiful I love saying that because the alternative I was in Malaysia the last twelve days they have all these palm oil plantations and rubber tree plantations and you walk through those and all the trees are in lines and rows they're well looked after they're not scarred I said the rubber trees but you notice they're looked after and it's ugly no one wants to walk to a rubber plantation or go through a palm oil plantation have a picnic there and it's not natural you go into a natural forest a piece of jungle or something in relation it's beautiful vines all over the place trees intertwined just leaning this way in that way quite a few on the ground that is natural forest and it's beautiful so I told this woman and I tell everybody here as I look in front of me each one of you are damaged goods me too that's what makes you beautiful and the more damaged you are the more of a beautiful tree you are in a forest go and check those trees so number one you don't need to sort of think this is something terrible so you don't like yourself so but we have to associate that negative memories to the past we're actually adding this negativity to it and that is sometimes what makes it difficult for us to leave alone and to let go of so how about sort of putting something positive to it to the past you failed your exams you didn't make it to university you've been divorced you've lost your job you've lost the leg through cancer all these things which happen to us sometimes we add negativity to these things which means it's hard for us to forgive let go and move on why don't we add a positive spin to these things the other story I said was to lower your expectations a 70 percent rule being a schoolteacher setting an examination I was told never set the examination to 100% don't make it too easy it was too easy would you learn anything too hard and then you get depressed will you get it to 70% if you do an examination you get 70% you realize that yes you're actually doing something you're successful with a 30% where you fail that is where you learn and grow and become beautiful because nothing in life is 100% this all 70% is the best so look at your past if it's 70% then well done you're a beautiful past why not turn the into eggs in other words whatever's happened to you in the past why not look in the positive side of it turn it round into something beautiful and good so today you know you were caught by the police for speeding what a wonderful thing that was you should be celebrating that number one you increase the number of money the police could spend keeping you safe at night and now too you actually just got a big what might call it incentive not to speed and kill yourself in the future because B does kill I know several people I've been to their funerals one of the worst funerals I ever taught I gave here was this poor hill she was a Chinese girl now for mainland China I'll never forget this it was really difficult for me because I felt really sort of devastated - I'm sympathetic I got empathy for people Chinese girl studying over here managed to graduate then invited her parents another one child policy she was only child invited their parents to migrate to Perth they'd only just come and maybe we had a week they couldn't speak any English just no Chinese and she was walking down the street in Kelmscott on the Albany highway a drunk driver lost control of the car and smashed into her and killed her and that was the parents hope in life they sacrificed everything I mean literally everything to get their child a good education and to send her to Australia to pay all her bills and fees now she was successful in one or two weeks after coming here the child had died for no fault of her own the drunk driver speeding lost control this is so sad David told I think about it please no don't speed don't get drugged so if you were caught knows there drink driving or speeding great you know you probably saved a life thank you mr. policeman there for catching me Oh what else might have happened you know young people you may have been dumped by your girlfriend what a wonderful thing that is now you can save some money over the next months as a mess this guy in is what is my time mother comes every week to give us down Ovid you know he got his first girlfriend going out with her for a year he said he saves so much wood money just working in KFC on it in Walmart or such and I wore my tin in whatever in will was working there no trying to make a bit of money here better money that he saved it up until he got a girlfriend and then he came in he's all gone but she dumped him so he can get some money again so when you look at the things which you associate as being tragedies and give it a positive spin then it's actually much easier to let go off so everything which happened yeah you were cheated you learn from it and one of the other positive spins which people do in Buddhism and it may be actually it certainly works and it may be true we don't know if it is true or not but it works and people think yeah it may have been right if you know you get caught for speeding and you didn't do it or you get cheated in business or maybe you're your husband cheats in your marriage sometimes people in Buddhist culture say this is just payback it must have been I did that in my previous life now it's coming back to me because if that does happen you know that you do do wrong things in this life and sometimes you don't get caught and then maybe all those unfair things which happen to you in this life all those terrible things which you can't let go of maybe it is payback I learned that for when I went to Karnet prison farm the first times and this old guy he's one of these old prisons in and out of jail he came up to me after one class can I have a personal interview with you yes sure and he said ajahn Brahm the for which I've been sentenced and are now in jail for I did not do I was innocent and he said I know that all the prisoners say that but for you I will not lie I did not do that quite I'd be put in jail for something I never did and I actually believed him because sometimes you can look a person's body language and you can understand the way they they speak and you can understand he actually was innocent and so I also knew that in prisons it's very difficult for you to get the money to get a lawyer even get telephone calls so I was actually thinking of who I will call I know a lot of lawyers I can get someone on this case it was a miscarriage of justice and now I'm I've got a very strong sense of what's right and what's wrong and in somebody else gets some injustice I want to stand up for them and help them so I was thinking of all the people I can call and contact to try and take on this guy's case and get him freed and as I was thinking he interrupted me and said what I just told you is true that robbery for which I was put in jail I did not do but there were so many other robberies where I wasn't caught that this is fair then I thought what a wonderful explanation of the law of karma and how we too can let go of the bad things which have happened to us how many times do you say I was unfair I should not have been passed over for that promotion it was unfair why did someone steal my car it was unfair now why did that happen to me what maybe it is payback time I often say this because sometimes people can play when they do get caught for speeding they lord you want to get caught for speeding how do you ever complain did you ever get upset when you are speed you don't get caught that's really unfair I was speeding today and I wasn't caught that's unfair to isn't it but you can see that that idea of like comet is working its way out it means that a lot of times people can let go of some of the pain of the past yeah and I need to learn from this I need to understand what it's like no to lose a young son or a young daughter I need to do this I need to learn from it is part of my path I need to grow from this even the rate what why does though these things happen and two weeks ago the couples are not sure if they're here tonight they were staying as sitting after the talk asking questions and he was telling me about he was in a group of people who have had a lot of trauma in their lives and during the group there was one lady I had also been raped and someone turned around armed so sorry that's a terrible thing which has happened to you this girl said no I would not be the person I am today that had never happened she'd actually worked through it passed on and let it go it brings me on to the second stage not that it just it should be but it can be done it's a wonderful thing to know that everything which has ever happened to you no matter how bad or how terrible it can be let go of but letting go doesn't mean it disappears from your memory it doesn't mean that somebody how you can blot it out as if it never happened what it means is you still remember it but you remember it with a different spin you remember it as part of you an important part of who you are a part which actually makes you who you are which is part of your beauty just like the tree which is being damaged in a forest is beautiful because of all the Times's branches have been ripped off because of the strong storms which have bent it over withstanding those storms and cyclones of life have made these trees wonderful to sit under and look at we're actually taking the past and giving it a different spin and then we embrace it and then we have transcended letting go does not mean it disappears letting go means we let go of the negativity the relationship the reaction we have to the past we can blot out the past we can airbrush our enemies out that I used to do in communist Russia anyone who fell foul of the party they got all the photographs of that person and they disappeared they were vanished you can't do that to your past your past is there as part of you the way to let go and transcend and go forward is to change the attitude towards it when you change the attitude towards it then the problem is transcended that is what the letting go truly is and then once we've actually changed that but how do we actually do that a lot of times when you come to places like this we always try and encourage people it's the it's not the world it's a problem it's not you the problem it's the way we relate to the world it's our attitudes towards the world it's the way we react to things so that is where we can actually do things we can't change the world but we could certainly change the way we react to it that's what we have power to do not even Obama has power to change the world no no wealthy person has that power they can nudge the world this way notice the world that way but the thing we do have power to do this was fundamental to the teachings of the Buddha was the way we can react and relate to the difficulties and problems and also the happiness of life the way later it now that's something which we can control simple things someone calls you a pig if they call your Pig how do you react to that annoying KY say you make fun of it so were reminded me of some of the old stories which I told a long time ago when I was last in Malaysia on this particular part of Malaysia I told them the story of years ago traveling down leech Highway you know here in Perth it was a hot summer's day where we didn't have any air conditioning in the car so we had our windows rolled out and there I was though in a passenger seat of a thing a combi van you know and kids saw us it must have been school holidays 17 18 year old kids no having some fun and as soon as I saw a combi van full of monks you can imagine what they did next but I was very impressed just with what actually they did they were very innovative when it came to a red light they pulled right alongside me their window was open my window was open they shouted at me hey have a look and I turned around and what they had was an open copy of Playboy magazine and I could never forget this young guy's face its mouth was open pointer to try to get me to look at the Playboy magazine it is a kid having fun now sometimes you get upset and angry at that or you get embarrassed nor me I just loved well dad he made a good fun good on you but I must say I did not look I'm a good monk and if you want to ask me what how did you know this Playboy magazine one of the other people in the car told me that's my story and I'm sticking to it let me just try to wide you up and make you upset that's what I was doing so I couldn't stop them doing things like that because I would do the same when I was that age what I can do is actually change my attitude and join in a funny situation and laughs instead of getting upset that's why the a piece of advice I learnt at school when I was a TT if you make a mistake do something wrong and the whole class laughs you laugh as well then the world never laughs at you it only laughs with you in the office if you do a stupid thing then you laugh as well that's why any stupid act which I do and I do quite a few if I do something stupid I tell everybody about it because when I tell the stupid things which I have done as a month then you laugh so I'm making you happy I'm being compassionate and kind so if you've done a stupid thing in your life please let me know and I read it out and it makes so many people laugh it's good for their health and happiness so it's not doing things wrong it's just a relationship you have to the force of the past and also the force of others because a lot of times what we what we do yes sometimes it's hard to let go of but we can do it but what other people do to us sometimes we find it so difficult to let go of how we've been hurt mistreated okay call it the law of karma you had to learn this because probably you did the same in the previous life you'll be cheated by a builder probably in your last life you were builder and you did the same to somebody else okay payback time so you've got to learn okay so that may not be true but it's certainly helpful no people actually say in town if you've been robbed somebody is actually stolen something from your house you know it must be paid back because you've robbed in the past so now it's now it's all balancing out he at least it works you don't know whether it's true or not but this is a beautiful idea which means that I okay I can let it go but why is it the case that someone has hurt you they cheated you they didn't treat you right why does everybody else say I'll just let it go but you can't why does it sound so easy for other people to tell you you can't do it yourself and this is where I'm extending another simile which I've been teaching in Malaysia which I've taught here before the difference between being a visitor and an owner again a general lost my stick now it's over there somewhere well okay come to stick back in thank you the only reason why the stick is heavy because you own it it's my stick then is my stick I can't let it go I try and throw it away won't go goes is my stick but if it's not my stick it just belongs the Buddhist society it's not mine I can throw it away again you don't need to pick it up this time that is why the I was telling this poor lady she was running a retreat center in support listen to this in I better not say where she was wearing a treat retreat center and also a Buddhist centre over in Malaysia some wish is working so hard and I told her look you have to learn how to be a visitor not an owner the simile which I developed when I work here on the weekends and under after the weekend is finished I go to bodhinyana monastery and work there on the abbot there I'm a teacher here no rest always working and when people come to Bodhi yharnam honest will you come you're with because you're having a good time you see how beautiful it is you can meditate you do whatever you want but me I gotta sit there and ask out all your stupid questions and just do all these several days and look after the banks and work all over the it was I realized it was such a lot of hard work seven days a week and when people said what a beautiful peaceful bonus to you have I could not believe them what do you mean peaceful and beautiful look at all the work needs to be done I realized that I was missing out I was missing out on the beauty and peace of the monastery where I lived so I decided usually every Monday morning to pretend to be a visitor just to pretend so Monday morning I'd walk about monastry I was not able anymore someone came to us a jump Rob can I can I ask about meditation so our money visiting something needs to be done no sorry I'm running is eating because it's true you visit someone else's home you know you go and visit your young friend do you ever wash their dishes for them you won't go to somebody's home and say oh can I wash your dishes for you can I sort of it on Bodi the lawn for you can I sort of you know vacuum the car you don't do that it's not your job it's their place so have you noticed when you visit other people's homes you can let go and relax but in your home you can't have you noticed you come to this place because you don't own it the poor committee went under where they've got I think they've got to take a rest that just escaped because they own this place so that's always a place of work for them they can't just hang out you can that's why you can only relax in places you don't own so I've extended that so please do that every if you're stressing out couple of hours every week I thought I told us many times you're paying so much attention I must have missed this little simile out is once a week in your own house spend two hours pretending to be a visitor and look at your house with the eyes of a visitor enjoy its amenities as a visitor would and don't be the owner and then you can let it go and have a lot of now where that story is going is actually with your past and your mind look at your mind like you're a visitor you don't own it you're just visiting like you were visiting somebody else's mind it's so easy to tell other people to let go if you're a visitor that you can let go - of all of that past it's only when you think you're an owner it's so difficult to let go that is the fundamental reason why we cannot let go the painful of the past because we've taken ownership of it it's - ours is Who I am and I won't let anyone take there away it's amazing we own this stuff this is where being a visitor and it's lovely in Buddhism being a visitor you are only a visitor to this body for 60 70 80 years and then you let it go you don't own it if you think you own your body go to characater cemetery and look at all those other people who thought they owned their bodies they're gone you only visit this body for 60 70 years maybe more maybe less it's not yours remember that and then you can have much more fun with your body it's not mine of just visiting you don't have to brush your teeth you don't have to struck yet you don't have to brush your hair is that my brother is visiting I'm relaxing but about your mind I'm just visiting my mind the same thing I don't own it right do whatever you want I often say that to people meditating I tell them just let your mind be you don't own it whatever it wants to do you can do it it's amazing how peaceful and free people become when they don't own the mind they've got no business anymore they're not trying to like my monastery make it beautiful make it comfortable make more hats bigger rooms bigger halls bigger this when you don't own it you're free you know that's one of the reasons I like going overseas I like visiting other people's temples that I can relax it's true so how about looking at your mind pretending you're visiting somebody else's mind pretend then it's so easy to let go over the past just like you tell others to do how doesn't matter what they did you know give the benefit of the doubt you don't know what they did or why they did it they probably had their reasons there's always two sides to one story and actually people actually reminded me of this isn't all saying I said which was very profound and I forget many of these sayings but sometimes it really hits the the mark with somebody and they remember it he said doesn't matter how thinly you slice something it always has two sides nice little saying does not matter how thinly you slice something it still has two sides doesn't matter how much you investigate and try and find out the truth the truth always has two sides as well he isn't that beautiful to understand we always think no the truth is why how he has one side but in reality it has two sides my side in your set and that's always going to be the case which means that we can say you are wrong I am right you know I am wrong you are right or whatever no it's always those two sides so give other people the benefit that why they did I can understand but they must have had a reason they're not bad people so okay right except that that just happened so see me easy for me to say that to you but when I think of all the people have hurt me all those terrible people who made my life a misery all those people who who let their mobile phones ring during the meditation who know the goodness sake you know when you start thinking like they're given the benefit of the doubt and as a visitor I can let that go as an owner it's difficult that's why you know that sometimes people think I'm the spiritual dictator of the Buddha Society West Australia my title is spiritual director that was just a joke spiritual dictator you don't do they I don't own anything when you don't own anything it's amazing just how you can let things be and let things go have you got a boss at work there's a pain in the neck and every other part of your body as well always thinks he owns and controls everything or she okay you're so yes yes yes I know that person isn't it great when you don't own anything nice available should know that I'm one of these Abbott's who doesn't control much at all and what one reasons I'm hardly there in monastry but everyone's okay things get done and there's no does monks decide what to be done and as it runs really smoothly because you're not a strong control freak I don't own any monk I don't own you I would never tell you what to do I'm not like something like Pope who says bad you're moving to it my talk don't do that ever again I never did things like that because you're not an owner I'm only a visitor to this place I'm only a visitor to this world I don't own it so I can enjoy it I'm only a visitor to the past when I think about it I don't own it so I can let it go and I can enjoy it like any other visitor if you're a visitor to a country you can choose what part of that country to go to you can go to the mountains you can go to the rivers and the streams or the the ocean side or you can go to the nuclear waste dump when you visit Japan you got a choice go to Fukushima or go to some beautiful old Buddhist temple where would you like to go if you visit Japan to the site of the nuclear reactor disaster or to some beautiful exotic Buddhist temple where would you like to go when you go out for dinner tonight would you like to go to a beautiful restaurant or go to the dumbster the back of wars with you right now though you got a choice as a visitor so you have a choice as a visitor to your past what you want to pick up you can enjoy rather than always owning stuff so learning how to let go is learning how to stop being an owner of your past early being a visitor then you can enjoy things much much much better you don't have to keep fixing things up that's one of the problems with people always fixing things up the past fixing it up trying to solve the problems the future fixing up the future if you ever noticed some more you try to fix up the future the more of a mess you make just leave it alone it's much better in Malaysia I was visiting this retreat said 27 acres they said how big is your retreat center in Australia hundred forty acres jhana Grove 140 acres takes us all our time to look after seven acres how on earth do you maintain the grounds we don't this we let it go nature looks after it nature is so good when we don't get involved natured makes a much better job other Kings Park and we need okay it's got grassy areas it may look nice if you like that sort of stuff but imagine real forest which would you prefer the manicured lawns of the golf club or the messy was actually no lawns at all we did have a lawn once in front of the hall but it's all we do now which would you prefer nature or things which are manicured which would what type of girl would you like to go out with one who's manicured as well as nature so whenever you mess around with things usually I can make it worse I'm saying how do you do don't you so a lot of times you just let it be in that way you're not a control freak you can let things being and say with the pasture don't control it anymore just let it be and next the rice eats in bodhinyana monastery I got a little card is my management guru whenever I've got a problem in the monasteries managing the monks or managing the place I always look at this and many of you know my age will remember this this management guru from the 60s he was an officer in a fictional POWs camp in Germany in this TV series Hogan's Heroes it was my mentor and inspiration sergeant Schultz and whatever he saw the POWs in his TV series going off to the pub to have a beer you know he's supposed to be guarding them he put his hand over his eyes there I see nothing I see nothing I said that's my management practised or sinned and that's how I look at the past if it's painful part of the past I see nothing I remember nothing it's not denial it's just not picking up the sheets let it go stop being a control freak I don't own anything now the monks will do what they want to do they're in control of their lives you do what you want to do you're in control of your lives good karma bad karma you know it's up to you people have hurt you they've hurt you they've done bad things they're going to have bad karma comes up unfortunately you don't have to worry about it at all you can all let it go because you don't own other people you don't own your past you're just a visitor when you think about it you're visiting this this great well which is the further apart away it is from the present the deeper that well is and the harder is to see what really happened give people better for the doubt let it go don't know in the past visit it from time to time but don't own it let it go and then you can enjoy so those are just a few reflections and why it is that people keep having keep stopping themselves enjoying this present moment enjoying their life enjoying today because they're still holding on to the pain of the past please leave that prison it can be done it should be done many people do it you can too thank you berrak so any comments or questions about his off-the-cuff talk as usual on letting go of the past great we've got a young guy who's got the microphone so you can rush around anyone to put their hands up but first of all we have three questions here first of all from the Netherlands if something very bad is done to you a lot of emotions are involved how to let those emotions not get in the way of healing okay a lot of those emotions are war is imposed upon you by your culture just like grief when somebody says oh my father died today you say all you poor thing I'm terribly sorry my condolences your father may be in a monster not condolences yes personal two years ago a year and a half ago my mother died when people found out said I'm terribly sorry to hear I to bomb your mother died so what do you mean did you really know what my mother was experiences he had de mentir for three years her death was a released I was actually very happy she was now free why did we have this emotional reaction to thing which is culturally imposed upon us without thinking someone died said oh that must be terrible is it a lot of times I like challenging these cultural norms so that actually gives you the emotions I remember when my father did die my mother was coping really well until her her sister-in-law hugged her said are you poor thing and then she broke down and I knew my mother she was actually doing what she was expected to do she never felt the grief but she was expected to cry and she did so a lot of times the emotions you've gone to jail now there must be terrible why you may have a great experience there or like something really bad like being raped what do I know about being raped I'm a boy never been raped but you ask these people they say no don't say that's a terrible scene as that person told me about her his friend she said no I wouldn't be who I was without that what we do we're also taking away the emotional prison the emotions which you are expected to have with these events in life which are supposed to be very hard have your own emotions not the ones expected of you by society and if you can do that then you can become free when people keep saying oh that must be terrible please don't do that to people oh that must be terrible you've been through that must be terrible that makes me feel terrible you know it's probably happened to you this is now once I I trod on a nail when I was walking on arms round in Thailand and it went about couple of inches it to my foot it didn't hurt until the matter with me said oh that's terrible and then it started hurting and I remember that you know that happens so all that must really hurt in your group it does so be careful how we impose emotions on other people by the way we expect them to feel and we tell them to feel that way so I don't know what's been done to you but sometimes and I'm quite courageous when someone says they've been raped I'll say very good and they're just stunned what do you mean have you got no sympathy I have got sympathy that's why I give you the freedom to look at it in another way not always imposing the same emotional reaction to the things which happen to us in life that's why even today you've been done for speeding oh that's bad luck no it's good luck well done you'll be caught for speeding today it may have saved your life next week you can see how you can turn things around and so Joe check those emotions are they really your emotions or have they been imposed upon you by society what other people expect of you then you can find you can let go of those emotions anyway that's a big one but that's one way to let go of those emotions surrounding something which has happened to you straight away beliefs say something very bad straight away to say very bad it creates those emotions is it bad I won't tell that story now but no the the the king cutting his finger the good bad who knows story he lost his finger was it a bad thing the daughter kept saying good bad who knows if you don't have that story you haven't been coming for this year because I said about six or seven times I'm sure anyway question two from Perth pageant I would like to let go of my painful past but always I have flashbacks or past memories that I cannot control they caused me greater stress what you suggest you cannot control the flashbacks but you can control the great distress let those flashbacks come look upon them in a different way change your attitude to the flashbacks no not fear straightaway when you try and get rid of the flashbacks it creates sort of the sense of I don't want these and gives only the idea they're bad these are coming to teach you they're coming to that you understand what had happened they don't need to be looked upon as great distress can we look to problems otherwise it could be looked upon like growing pains I like the term growing pains because pain is sometimes associated with growth or that similarly though in the northern hemisphere during winter time everything seems dead there seems to be no life no hope no beauty or the leaves are left the trees is not even a bud on the trees there's no flowers and you think it's all dead but everybody knows that the seeds are underground just waiting for the warmth than the first rain and it comes to life again amazing thing to see so sometimes in the death there's always this promise of beauty of life in the pain that somebody said as a flower just before it buds it must be very painful got all these petals is growing and growing and be getting bigger and bigger and thus of the container this outer layer of leaves of a flower bud is straining and straining must be so much power inside that so much pain and stress and then suddenly burst and they got a flower the pain of actually giving birth to a child so much pain and then it's incredible being comes out wonderful so sometimes you can associate that pain so it because there's something beautiful the winter before the spring the growing pains of life so I allow that pain to come up I don't look upon it as a negative way change the spin of how you regard those flashbacks they're taking you something is important to you making you who you are they are the scars on the tree which make it beautiful let it come up in any way hmm I used to have a very good life but now my life is difficult I'll keep on remembering the good times and I feel desperate now what should I do okay just life is difficult this is where you're learning this is the of life which needs to be dug in for fertilizer to grow the trees well that truckload of dung simile whenever life is difficult that's why I said the truckload of dung you know that was actually the title opening the door of your heart in the American version actually were just about to finish book number two and we're talking in bodhinyana monastery other day of what should we call it and say another truck of duck or here comes the dung again or something looking for new titles but if life is difficult this is where you learn the good times you had before with the results of you having lots of difficulties before that which you dug in you grew your garden now the garden is die at the end of the season winter has come again for you from Melbourne now's the time to start digging in the garden preparing and it will grow again when life is difficult that's where we work that is the fertilizer if life was always easy if it wasn't already difficulties would never learn anything in life we'd never grow so the question from well when life is difficult great well done marvellous thing which is happening to you this is where you're learning and so stop complaining about the difficulty dig it in learn and grow from the difficulties of life that's the truckload of dung which you have to dig into your garden from Melbourne they can they can dig and you know you get a beautiful garden in the back there from all the difficulties you have now complaining about it in that similar is putting the dung in your pockets in your bags up your shirts and down your trousers if you carry around done with you you find you know you lose a lot of friends because you're complaining you're negative unfortunately that people don't like being around such people but instead you've got to dig all that dumb in you're having a difficult time right now dig it in and you know that the garden will grow okay hopefully answer those questions okay but it's difficult when it's only just a couple of lines on this tablet whether I really understood the question or not so if any body especially putting in questions from overseas they don't get the correct answer I do apologize but I'm trying my best so any questions from the floor here in Perth you got one and anyone going so the question is can we go now and the answer is okay so thank you all for listening today again I just been traveling only came back from Malaysia this afternoon so a little bit sort of tied well hopefully the talk went okay but now we can pay respects to the Buddha Dharma Sangha and

Channel: Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Views: 132,813

Rating: 4.8460536 out of 5

Keywords: past, attachment, letting go, non-self, anatta, Ajahn Brahm, Buddhism, dharma talk, dhamma

Id: UcSaCfuH-GU

Length: 61min 13sec (3673 seconds)

Published: Sun May 05 2013