Of course, every Friday night... The reason I haven't been
here for the last three Fridays is either being on retreat myself or teaching a meditation retreat -
which is always a great joy, to be able to do that, to take time out. Because as I teach others,
that's how I practice myself. So after the New Year, I was quite tired,
just busyness - and also, I used to tell, especially the monks I live with -
I used to say to them: ‘I’m getting old’… But they’re such nice monks, they said:
‘No, you're not getting old, Ajahn Brahm’. What a wonderful thing to say
to you, because I’m almost 70 now. So they said: ‘You're not getting old
Ajahn Brahm - you're already old’. [Laughter] Thank you so much. But it's also nice to, anyhow,
just have a time for yourself out of kindness to yourself,
compassion to yourself. Even I have to do that, so that I can
come out of retreat and teach a retreat to you, and give 100% to
everybody, and still have much more left. It's one of the problems with life,
that you find that people get very tired. Life is not easy, even for a monk. But one of the advantages
monks and nuns have, is that we really know how to meditate. We have those facilities,
our little monasteries, where we can go and
find a nice quiet place and just sit down or just
have a walk and be peaceful. And sometimes,
you come to a place like this and we do a lot of talking,
a lot of teaching, there's books, there's videos to read... ‘videos to read’ that's not right;
it is ‘videos to look at’, books to read… But a lot of the time,
what one really requires when one comes to a place like this, is just to be here and
soak up the acceptance, the non-judgment,
the delights of just being here. And I’ve told many
people one story in particular, which I remember, that
over in Bodhinyana monastery, over in Serpentine, I was just sitting
there after lunch receiving guests, and this gentleman
came up I’ve never seen before (but I remembered his
voice for a strange reason), and I find out after he told me that
he was the local building surveyor at the Shire of Serpentine-Jarrahdale. So every building which
we applied for permission for, he'll be the one who looks at it and checks that it fulfils all
of the regulations and ticks it off. And I asked him: 'What are you doing here'
and he said that he's not come to check up on anything, because this was
his last day at work in that job, he was retiring that afternoon - but he said he came here
to thank me for the car park. I felt really weird, ‘thanking me for the
car park, what are you talking about?’ And he said to me that he wasn't a Buddhist,
he didn't know how to meditate - but - every time he
got stressed out at work, he simply got into his car,
drove to the monastery in Serpentine and parked his car in the car park, and just sat there maybe
15 minutes or half an hour. And then, afterwards, he felt so
much better, he went back to work. And I said: ‘Yes I can
understand that’, because sometimes all he needed was just a place of peace. So that peace which I hope
many of you felt in your meditation, he found it difficult to feel
that at work, in a very busy job, where all these big
builders were harassing him to get those plans signed off in time. And he was trying his
best like many people, we all try our best to do
the finest job we can, but nevertheless,
it's so tiring sometimes. And because of that,
getting stressed out - what do you mean by the stress - just very exhausted,
and just coming to a quiet place and just sitting still and not
being bothered by anybody, as if… I remember these stories
when I was a young monk, people would come to
monasteries in Thailand not to get some advice from anybody, they'll just go and sit
there in the grounds, especially when it’s a peaceful
monastery; sit there in the grounds, relax and just get the
energy from the place. Once you've got that
energy from the place, your body, your mind feel so much better. Cause sometimes - you come
sometimes to Bodhinyana monastery once a week or once a fortnight and
I tell you the same old things every week. But that's not just what you come to the
monastery for, to a temple like this for. You come here, because there's
something else which is on offer here: acceptance, peace, kindness, just joy, just someone to smile at you
and to accept you for who you are. Because one of the most essential
parts of our Buddhism is the kindness, the kindness, compassion which we just
give, expecting nothing back in return. Just give, give, give, give,
give, serve, serve, serve. Because in that service, if it
really works, you can feel it. You feel that no one is
asking anything from you at all. You are perfectly accepted. Here, we don't have, sort of,
you know, who can come into this hall, who can become a Buddhist -
I say anyone can become a Buddhist. That's a sign of how desperate
we are for numbers. [laughter] Of course it's not desperation,
we've got plenty of people coming here. But sometimes, that… I really feel for people who look
differently or who act differently. Or who, inside, are having a lot
of stress and turmoil in their lives. So actually, their brain is different. And for those of you
who know my upbringing, the reason why I feel
an extra bit of empathy to make the place available
to as many people as possible, that was because of that time
when I had a few Christian friends - I was already a Buddhist
when I was at the university - and those two Christian friends,
we had some wonderful arguments, because we were really just
wanting to find out the truth of things. And we weren't afraid
of asking tough questions. But I realized that
truth, religion, spirituality, it's not just about asking questions and finding out answers to difficult
problems of life, it's more than that. It is the kindness and compassion. So what happened: these two friends -
they just mentioned in passing - they were volunteering to do some
social work at the local hospital, for people who had emotional problems. And one of those units was for
those people with Down syndrome. And this was a unit of occupational
therapy for those with Down syndrome. And my two Christian friends were
gonna volunteer one afternoon a week! When I heard that,
I said: ‘Oh my goodness, I can't let my Christian
friends beat me, the Buddhist’ - and that's all it was, just ego,
pride, flying the flag for Buddhism - ‘If you can do it, I can do it better!’ You know what it's like when you're young,
you try and just outperform your friends. There was something which I noticed,
which I really didn't like to this day: I always look back upon
those times we did exams, you know, the exams
you have to do at school. That never made sense to me: my best friend was sitting next
to me, he didn't know the answer, and I was trying to help him. And to me, that was compassion, that's
what I was supposed to do as a Buddhist; the teacher said that's cheating. ‘It's not cheating, it's compassion, Sir!’ Because in real life, that's what you do. If it's in an office,
if it's in Parliament, if it's anywhere, we help each other. Why is it that at schools we're not
allowed to help, when it's an exam? Something very wrong with that. But anyway, it was nice, very wonderful
to have that opportunity to serve and help. In this case, it was Down syndrome people. And of course I started
that off, thinking how superior, how wiser I was,
how more clever I was. But then of course,
it was a wonderful opportunity, because as soon as I went into that place, it opened up my eyes
that these were people who - quite frankly - were far more
emotionally advanced than I was. And that was - as I said in
the time - blew my mind. And the classic tale of that was when I’d just broken up with
my girlfriend the night before (now I wasn't a monk at this time,
a student), and just no one knew that, these things, you keep personal. But there, one of these
Down syndrome friends, they came running towards
me and I will never forget this - running towards me and giving
me a big hug, really, quite a big hug. Now please understand I was English. That's not what you do in
England, hugging people in public! But it was with such kindness and
compassion, that I just really melted. And he said to me ‘what's wrong?’ How on earth did you know that? And he knew there was
some emotional problem in me, he was sensitive enough
to pick that up straight away. Now how many of you, when
you're in an emotional distress - you hide it, of course you do - but how many people can
see through all your defences, pick it up straight away
and give you a real big hug? Not many people can do that. But some people, they're emotionally
very, very sensitive, advanced. They could do that so well. So, great shame these days
we're not allowed to hug each other. Even yesterday, this lady. I did another funeral yesterday
and she really liked what I said, so she said: ‘Can I give you a hug?’ I’m not supposed to, I can't, so we
kind of shook hands or something. Even that was pushing my luck
as a Buddhist monk. [laughter] But you can see just how wonderful it was to be able to serve and help
somebody and go past those defences. So, I learned so much from that
time about the emotional strengths. And of course, that's something
which is very hard to put into words - how you feel when you
come into a place like this. And if you feel accepted,
if you feel you can relax, there's one place in the world
where people aren't judging you. On that last retreat which I gave,
which - quite a few of you were there, I can see you, you know,
coming again [laughter]. But sometimes, sometimes I told you that we don't give you grades
at the end of a retreat. But maybe I should change that
and give grades at the end of a retreat - to those people who
meditated really, really well. Those people who kept their
noble silence, which means not talking. Those people who meditated
a lot, got up early in the morning. Should I give you a grade: A, B,
C, D, E and F, like they do in school? But then of course, you
know what those grades mean, because I renamed them, re-explained them: if you were scored and you get ‘A’,
that stands for ‘Arrogant’. [laughter] If you get an ‘F’, that
stands for ‘Fantastic’. [laughter] ‘E’ stands for ‘Excellent’,
‘B’ stands for - what does ‘B’ stand for, not ‘Brilliant’, that's low -
‘B’ is ‘Basic’. [laughter] So in other words, it changes
down for people to accept it - you know what it's
like, trying to live up to some people's grades and expectations. That really makes you more tense. It's one of those things. You are who you are, and
after a while, people see who you are. And there's so much amazing beauty
and wonder in all the people you see. That's one of the things which
is difficult to teach on a retreat. The people are fine. They're beautiful, they're wonderful,
there's nothing wrong with them. Sometimes people hear that, and then: ‘Ajahn Brahm, you don't know
me - if you knew me…’ [laughter] But of course, as a monk,
you do know much more than other people give you credit for. And sometimes you look into a human being and inside of them it's an incredible
beauty and wonder, and wonderful stuff. And why is it that
people just judge each other [clock falls off stage] (oops, bang - okay, it's nice down there, no it can stay down there). You know I don't like clocks [laughter]. I guess clocks are
another prison we live in. We have to finish at a certain time, we have to start at a certain time,
we have to meditate for a certain time… I don't know about you, but if those
of you who were meditating just now, sometimes the meditation
is so peaceful and so nice, you don't wanna
come out of the meditation. That's why I have to open
my eyes every now and again - is it gone past time -
so I could actually finish on time… If I was by myself… You're just having a good
time, you carry on meditating… That's one of the reasons why also,
when Ajahn Chah was my teacher (I’m just going off on tangents here, but...) when Ajahn Chah was my teacher
and sometimes we would sit together, sometimes you'd be sitting
there - I’m sure it's over an hour, it must have been over an hour,
we didn't have a clock at the time). And then so, my legs were really hurting. So you know what I thought of doing? I told the monks this, and
it's true, this is what I thought, but never had the guts to do it -
to get what they call like a slingshot. And practice in the forest first,
until I was a really good shot. And then, when the
meditation was happening, I’d just open my eyes and
I'd sling and hit the bell - ‘GONG’. [Laughter]
‘Oh, it's time to come out of meditation’. You know what it's like, sometimes
you're having a really difficult time. And you’re just like ‘it can't be just, it must be more than half
an hour, ring the gong!’ [laughter] And other times, oh
you're having such a beautiful, peaceful meditation, everything is
just so nice and joyful and blissed, all these great insights are coming,
everything, and then - ‘GONG’ [laughter] Imagine that was the
Buddha under the Bodhi tree just about to get enlightened,
and I went - ‘GONG’. [laughter] Shut up. [laughter] Thank you. [laughter] So, sometimes, we
like being controlled - whether it's by time or gongs. I don't think I explained this to you: I did mention that many people went on
this retreat and they kept noble silence. But I never told you
what noble silence was. You know what noble silence means? People sometimes,
people who meditate (traditions), they think noble silence
means not speaking - that's not the meaning of noble silence. ‘Noble silence’ means ‘no bells’. ‘NO-BELL’ silence…
[laughter] Oh come on, give me a break. [laughter] And those people who really understand
the true noble silence and keep it, then some of them, actually they do
win the ‘No-bell’ Peace Price… [laughter] Okay, grow it away. [laughter] But it's true, when you're really
afraid of ‘how many minutes left’, or ‘it can't be the right time’, of course, that's more things to put you
into prison, more things to stress you out. So that's one of the
reasons why in monasteries like Bodhinyana monastery
in here - retreats: no bells. At least minimum bell. The only bell which we really have,
I’ve got to admit this, in Bodhinyana - at the retreats - there's only two bells
which people follow, they have to follow: that's breakfast and lunch. [laughter] That’s true. Because when you relax
and you have emotional wisdom, like those beings who had Down
syndrome - you learned so much from them. They learned how to relax and be. As best as they were able to. And when they could relax, and just be. There are times when you're tired, there are times when you're energized,
there are times when you're so peaceful, there are times when you're
really just on top of your game, and those are times you perform. Even just today I was telling this to
Ajahn Brahmali who was here earlier, that I had to write
a very difficult letter (this is about a book
which was published). And this morning
I was a little bit tired, and so, when I was
trying to write that letter - have you ever had that experience, you're on the computer, you’re trying to
write a letter, it just doesn't come out. You're writing, ‘that doesn't
seem good, that doesn't seem good, that doesn't seem good’. You're wasting so much time. And again, just as I taught many of
you, if you're in the office, at work, you've got some report to
write, some letter to write, some really sensitive letter to write,
and it doesn't come out, then stop. And go meditate. That's exactly what I did. Went off to meditate, took
a shower, went back to the computer and a beautiful letter came out. And I always see that this is how
life works for innovation and creativity. Forcing yourself and being a prisoner
just makes you so tense and stressed. Of course you can't perform well. And even - Dennis was mentioning, poor old… not poor old, because he was a very
wonderful man - Hugh Sykes, who… I did a funeral for him this afternoon,
even he.. He was the owner of
this draft of my first book 'Opening the Door of
your Heart’ which I wrote. And I love telling the
story of how that happened. It just shows you how emotional
wisdom becomes so powerful rather than just thinking and ideas. And the story of that book is:
I have been teaching many years, and had all these stories which I tell,
that some of these stories are very powerful. And one of these ladies,
who had a very terrible divorce, and she said: ‘You really do
need to publish those stories to give them a wider, a broader reach, not just only actually in
the Armadale group - but the whole of Perth, the East Coast
and other countries of the world. You have to do this Ajahn Brahm, it's unfair that you keep this
great wisdom just for a few people’. You know my reply? ‘I’m too busy’. Which was true, I had lots
of stuff to do, I can't do that. But then this lady, she was so
smart, she totally outwitted me. I admit defeat, because
she said: ‘I’ll write them’. And when she wrote the first three
or four draft stories, they were terrible. They were so bad - which
I think she did on purpose. [Laughs] So I thought I’d better
write these myself. And it wasn't as hard as I thought. Because what I was doing - I was
having one of these quiet retreats by myself for two weeks - and so I decided just to have one hour every afternoon,
just to write down some of these stories. Just one hour, 15 days. When I finished that 15-day retreat, I had over half of the stories written
down by hand, and I have the manuscript - it really belongs to Hugh,
because he bought it at an auction for raising money for
the nuns’ monastery at that time. But I look at that and
this is… it's beautiful, that handwriting is almost without error. And it’s just done on paper with a pen. It's not, sort of, on the computer -
and you wouldn't believe it, sometimes I look at it - did I do that? And those are the first 50,
first almost 60% of the book. It was so easy, when your mind
is relaxed and peaceful and kind. You just flow and you
let all the words come out, just without interfering with them. And I took a break and, in another
few days, finished the whole book. All written out by hand. And having the manuscript, just
the first draft of the manuscript… not a first draft and a second
or a third draft, just one draft. Somebody typed it out
for me on the computer, they had a computer and could use it… You know I can't use a computer
that much, I try, but I’m not that good. But nevertheless, even though I’m
just not that good with computers - (this is one of our IT guys -
how good am I at computers? ‘You're all right?’ Ah, it’s because he's nice.
[Laughter] I'm not that good. But anyway, nevertheless, even
though you're no good at a computer - I can still give the keynote address
at the world computer conference in Daejeon South Korea in 2019.
[Laughs] Stupid things in this world. [laughter] This was a world computer
conference in south Korea. And I remember this, one
of the guys I was talking to, he was the European Union
Head of Cyber Security. And one of these ministers, I think
from Sydney - we were chatting too. And all these other –
and this was really, sort of, high power computer experts. Other than me. [laughter] Honest, I’m being honest. But you can go there, you can still perform. Simply because you just know
how to get that emotional twist on what you're talking
about and what you're teaching. Just like writing a book. So easy, when you know how to be
peaceful and get the emotional quality. You just let it happen. Who knows?
Good, bad, who knows. But of course, the end of
that story was - fellow Ron Storey - actually his ashes are just behind
here, just in the garden. But he just typed it out
for me going to Melbourne. He gave me the little CD,
remember those old CDs or computer discs
I think they were called; gave it to me just an hour
or two before I got on the plane. Cause I thought ‘I’m going to Melbourne, there's lots of publishing
houses in Melbourne.’ How do you actually get
a book published anyway? I never had a book published before, so I thought: ‘Well,
somebody in Melbourne I find’. And this is absolutely
true story, no exaggeration. Off the plane, straight to Melbourne
University to give my first talk - and after the talk was finished,
this woman came up to me and said: ‘Oh, it was a wonderful talk, Ajahn Brahm. I work in the publishing industry. If ever you have something you
want published, please let me see it’. I said: ‘Here you go’. [laughter] She couldn't believe it,
I couldn't believe it, it was just so easy. Not like, you know, that - uhm -
what's her name, ‘Harry Potter’ author. What's her name again? Oh - J.K. Rowling - but apparently, she had to put
her book for quite a few publishers before she got that published. Me, I just published
straight away. [laughter] And this is another true story,
which is on the same subject. It was a very successful book that,
published in so many countries. I remember seeing one edition
which was published in Indonesian, in Bahasa Indonesia - any
Indonesians here this evening? "Namo Buddhay"
"Namo Buddhay" That's a beautiful thing with
Indonesia, they say ‘Namo Buddhaya’, ‘homage to the Buddha’ and that's
a little greeting they say to one another. And started off in Indonesia,
it’s a beautiful thing. But anyway. So in Indonesia - and in the
Gramedia bookshop in Jakarta, I remember going there, they said:
‘Oh, your book's on sale here’. Oh, let's see how it's going. And they had – you know
how they do have in bookshops, 10 best sellers,
number two was Harry Potter. Number one was – [moves head]
[laughter] It's true! My first book. I’ve got a photo of it somewhere. They didn't just change the
order just to take the photograph, then changed it back again - it was true.
[laughter] And even - I don’t know if you’ve seen
that, Indonesians here, in that bookshop, they even had a cardboard
cut-out of me, for advertising. I didn't believe that,
because you go in a bookshop, you’re just looking for
books, and there's me. "What am I doing over there?" It's a cardboard replica of me. Oh, life is very weird. But anyway that all came about, simply
because you know how to just relax. Make peace and see what happens. Without wanting any success,
without wanting anything. Without judging. Let's see what happens. And life is incredibly surprising. So of course - and that's
what we try and replicate here. So whenever you're given
these moments of peace and giving respect and
kindness - how does it affect you? How it affected that building surveyor
from Serpentine-Jarrahdale Shire? He said just ‘your car
park was all I needed’. Just to feel that energy. And saying this over in Thailand,
when I used to live in there - it's one of these wonderful stories,
somebody from here told me. They went to one of those
big temples in Bangkok - I don't know what they were doing,
some meditation or chanting or whatever - then they did actually see
this woman, young woman, she was sitting on the bench outside
the temple, crying her eyes out, sobbing. And this was an Australian
man and he didn't know what was the right cultural
appropriate thing to do was. So he felt a lot of compassion
for this girl crying her eyes out. But he went into the temple anyway, because he didn't want to upset
her or do the wrong cultural thing. But then, when he came out of the temple about half an hour later,
she was still sitting there, but she was not crying so much anymore,
she was actually just dabbing her eyes. She got over the worst of it. But he still thought
he could be of service, and went up to her and asked her: ‘Is there anything I can do, anything
wrong? What can I do to help you?’ She said: ‘Oh that's okay now’. He said: ‘If you don’t mind me
asking - why were you sitting there, sobbing so much?’ And she said: ‘Oh it's
because, it's because.. I lost my car keys… I remember where I put
them now, so it's okay’. For that, to me that
was a beautiful story. If you lost your car keys and there's
no R.A.C. in Thailand or whatever, come to the temple, sit down here,
have a good cry and then afterwards, you might remember
where you put them. [laughter] All people need is a bit of
peace and silence and acceptance, instead of people asking you and putting
you in more embarrassing situations. So that little bit of giving
kindness, compassion to others, that encourages you to give that same
compassion and kindness to yourself. None of you are perfect. You all make mistakes. Big mistakes, small mistakes,
we all do wrong things sometimes. And most of those times,
it's not that we're bad people, we just sometimes
make silly mistakes in life. And when you do, like -
I’m saying this, because… I don't mind saying this -
a woman came up today, and I think many of you women
here can probably relate to this - that a long time ago,
quite a few years ago, she had an abortion and she
still hasn't forgiven herself for it. And I don't know why, women who
have had an abortion for whatever reason, aren't given compassion and kindness. I did a little forgiveness ceremony
with her, just so she could forgive herself. The reason was, just basically,
she already had a family and she couldn't just look
after another kid, just too many… I think many of you - I can
see you've gone quiet now, you're not laughing or smiling anymore. Many of the women here have
probably had those experiences. And what can I do, it's between,
as they say, a rock and a hard place. And whatever decision
is made, first of all, I’m a man, I’m a monk, what
would I know, what it feels like? But very often it's men
like me, religious leaders who pronounce on
whether it's good or bad. I’ve got no right to do
that and I will not do that. Instead, our job is to
give kindness, compassion. Whatever you did, if it was
a mistake, that's where we learn. We learn to be a bit
more careful next time or maybe don't make
the same mistakes again. But a lot of times you
can't really judge it at all. For those of you who
are concerned about that, one of the arguments
which I did leave the lady with, was the story of a Thai couple who
come here - just making sure they're not here, they may be embarrassed if
I tell you this; but no, they're not here. When this lady - years ago
now - when she got pregnant (this was a normal pregnancy), and just five days before
birth she had an ultrasound. And when the birth happened - stillborn. A tragedy. Because they had
everything expected for a baby, and they were just so excited,
the first kid they were gonna have. And apparently, the doctors found
out it actually turned in the womb and it cut off the blood
supply in the umbilical cord. And she didn't know
that, five days before - ultrasound - everything was
going perfectly, and stillborn. So I did the funeral for
them, just up the road here. And I always remember that funeral,
because the baby was fully formed. They gave it a name, Charlie. I better not say too much. Charlie was his name,
and they dressed it up, and they had the family photograph. And I was in the family photograph,
and Charlie was as well. I was almost like honoured to be
included in that family photograph, at the birth of Charlie who died at birth. But then, what I didn't see them doing - I know it's common in Thailand
to do this, but what I didn't see - they took a pen, a biro pen,
when no one was watching, and on the heel of
Charlie, they drew a line. With a ballpoint pen. Just a line. And then of course,
the baby was cremated. She was a healthy woman. So, few months later,
she became pregnant again. When she became pregnant again, this time the doctors really
gave her a VIP treatment, because they didn't want
a tragedy to happen again. She's a healthy woman, she
gave birth - this time - to a girl. And that girl has a
birthmark on its heel, a line - exactly where they'd
written the line on there. And they all knew Charlie came back. Didn't quite make it the first
time, but had another go. Next time, got through. And they told me that story. And of course, you probably would be
interested, how did the new kid turn out. First of all, it was a girl,
and it was called Annie. And I was watching it -
used to be like many kids, they play here, running around there, the kids are offering food
to the monks or the nuns, and the kid is running
around all over the place. But this Annie would always run with
the boys and would beat up the girls. It was really a tomboy, little Annie. And of course, you understand why. She was a boy before. But anyway. That was a wonderful story, that when
people have these emotional problems - just give a bigger picture. The kid didn't get there the
first time, well have another go. And - a lot of times I’ve seen this -
they don't make it the first time, they get an upgrade. [laughter] Become a girl. Is that an upgrade?
[chuckles] But anyway.
That was the story of Charlie and Annie. But sometimes, why is it that
people just aren't kind to each other, kind to themselves and
forgive themselves these things. So it took a lot, but eventually
I think I got through to give forgiveness. To yourself. It's a very difficult decision to make,
and I will never know what it's like. What I do know, it's a wonderful thing, that you can just forgive, learn,
and let go and go forward. And for goodness sake,
don't feel sad about something which happened such a long time ago. So little by little, we learn
how to be kind to ourselves, treat ourselves with
compassion, with forgiveness. Now if you do things like that,
you soon become very healthy. So much sickness is because
of lack of self-compassion, lack of kindness to ourselves. Something which I’ve seen
again and again and again, which is sometimes
‘ah, why do you do this!?’ - it's just… we always think
we don't deserve happiness. And wonderful things
happen to you in life. We tend to destroy them. Why? And the classic story was
of this wonderful nun, many years ago, who was
staying at Bodhinyana monastery. It was during a Rains Retreat,
I can't remember exactly, because it's a long time ago. And she was a brilliant nun,
a great meditator. And because - I was like
giving her interviews - and when her meditation got
really hot (that was almost every day), she was coming out to me
seeing incredible Nimittas, these beautiful lights which you
see in your mind, it's really beautiful. And you're so close to
the deepest of meditations. She was so close, but
she couldn't get through to the next brilliant stage,
the Jhānas. Really just going for it. And I was giving every
piece of advice which I could, and it came to this - ‘Well I don't
know why, I can't understand why it is you're not just
going to these beautiful, blissful, freeing states of mind’. And then, on one interview, she told me. And it's almost like - I felt
like I should burst out crying. She said her major
problem was she thought she didn't deserve such happiness. And that - I felt so sad, so disappointed. Why is it that you have
these beautiful opportunities, you don't grab them and take them. They're there for you, and it's
such a wonderful thing to do. Somehow other we think we're
not up to it, we don't deserve it, we shouldn't have it, it's not
right, we're not good enough. That was one of the reasons why -
I’m going to get in trouble for this again (I’ll give this over to
one of the secretaries) - that sometimes, when
people don't feel they deserve success, I give them a certificate -
the Happiness Certificate. If you respect me, you come here a lot, you take me as your
teacher or someone you look up to at least you
look up to my wisdom, maybe don't look up
to my sense of humour, because some of the jokes are very bad. Should I try this joke? I promised I’ll try this joke this
evening, I told a few of you earlier. Here we go.
I’m gonna get into trouble now. Why did the piece of
chewing gum cross the road? [laughter] Why did the piece of
chewing gum... People are already just shaking
their heads in disbelief I’m saying this. Why did a piece of
chewing gum cross the road? Because it was stuck
to the foot of a chicken. [Laughter] Because I was asked why did
the chicken cross the road, so… Okay.
I’m sorry about that. Actually I'm not sorry. I forgive myself every time I tell a joke. Anyhow. So when we can forgive ourselves, it opens up this huge area
of where we can be happy and be healthy and be successful. Sometimes, that is how simple it is. There's something inside
of you "I’m not good enough, I did this, I shouldn't have done that,"
and you feel so guilty.. How long do you have to feel guilty for? Even in jail, they only put you in jail
for five years or six years or something, and sometimes people keep
their guilt for much longer than that. And of course, you don't
even need to go to jail at all. In Buddhism - this is
one thing which I often say on a Friday night -
we don't have guilt. That thing doesn't exist
in Buddhism, as I know it. You do something
wrong, welcome to the club. Okay, what have I done wrong? These are old stories of things
which I’ve done wrong but this is one of the funny ones. And I told you the other day, people forgot I told it
probably last year sometime. But this was the story
of when I got called to go to Royal Perth
Hospital, by a family of this Chinese fellow
who was passing away. They said ‘you've got to
come quick, he's really really sick, he's in the ICU, maybe
only an hour or two to go’. So I rushed into the
hospital, got up to the ICU, saw the family, just said ‘hello,
I’ve arrived, I’ll see what I can do’. Went into the ICU, stood
by the bed of this guy who was totally unconscious,
obviously close to death. And I really gave full power chanting. Now this doesn't always work,
but that day I was really on song. You know, that’s just like people
playing football or tennis, sometimes you just ‘crack!’ -
the ball always goes in. And this was one of those days
I was just really on my game. And I chanted and chanted and chanted… He came out of coma.
It was like a miracle. And it doesn't always
happen, very rarely actually, but this time it actually did. He came out of comma,
the daughters were amazed, he was gonna survive now. So when I went out,
feeling all good about myself, and then went out to see the family, and said ‘oh well, I really
did it, he came out of the coma, he's probably gonna live now'. And that's when the S.H.I.T hit the fan. Because these were the
family who'd come from Taiwan, Hong Kong, mainland China. They stopped all their work, they got these expensive
flights, a moment's notice; they came over to be with their
patriarch for the last few hours of his life, they had already
arranged the funeral service. [Laughter] Now they're gonna have
to stop it and cancel it and they say ‘you have cost
us a lot of money, Ajahn Brahm’. He's gonna die again, maybe in
another six months, he comes back again and dies properly, but this time - no.
[laughter] So they were not happy with me at all. All that way - stopping..
[laughter] I got no donations for the monastery, not even for the cost of
the petrol in the car [laughter]. I never heard from them again.
[laughter] So that was my mistake. What would you do, when you
make mistakes like that, you learn. So now, when I go to the hospital,
[laughter] I ask first of all, ‘what type
of chanting do you want?' “Get-better” chant, or “die-peacefully” chant -
they're different!’ [laughter] So I make mistakes and I tell everybody,
because it's good fun, isn't it? Sometimes you make mistakes like that. You can't make up these
stories, they're totally true. But they're good fun as well. Maybe for me, not for that Chinese family. But you can’t please everybody. So anyway, by the time you laugh
at your mistakes, you learn from them. You never fear yourself:
'oh I’m a terrible monk, I should not have done that, I should’ve done something better’. Because if you do, somehow
you lose your confidence, you lose your ability just to go in there and just give a talk, and give
some chanting, connect with people. When I’m not afraid of me,
then I’m not afraid of you. If you're afraid of yourself,
something inside of you just ‘ummm, I don’t want
them to find out this’. And of course, then
you're too protective, you're not open enough to show
real kindness and compassion to others. But most importantly, it's great to show
kindness and compassion to yourself. There's a lot of times that
I sometimes wonder, just - you come here, on a Friday evening, many of you finished work early, you
haven't probably had your dinner yet, so many things you have to do
in life - why do you come here? Is it just for the talk? Quite honestly, this evening,
what new stuff have I taught? Not much.
But that's not the point, is it? It is something else which is
taught: the kindness, the joy and encouraging each one of you to
also just have that kindness to yourself. And to realize it doesn't matter
what your mother and father told you, doesn't matter what your
teachers at school tell you, doesn't matter what your partner
tells you, what your bosses tell you. You know what you're like. And you're a pretty good human being. So celebrate your goodness. Let yourself know that. And never, ever think you
don't deserve happiness. You deserve everything. You know that. And I said: for many people, I started making this
Happiness Certificate for them. Just to reinforce the idea –
that this certificate is on BSWA… no, it’s on Bodhinyana
monastery letterhead I think. This certificate grants the
holder the right to be happy. For any reason or no reason at all. For the rest of their life. And their next lives as well. Signed ‘Ajahn Brahm’. No, I didn't ‘sign’, I said:
‘By order of Ajahn Brahm’. [Laughter] To make it a bit more assertive. Some of those actually worked. You gave it to people
and they said ‘Yeah!’. The problem was, when I first did that -
it was actually the retreat I was giving in…
I suppose in Frankfurt. Because sometimes, people think
they don't deserve the happiness, they're getting so close, but… So I gave one of these certificates out. And this fellow, he put it on the Internet. And then the next day he said ‘uhmm, can you please do another 50?’
[laughter] So many were needed. So look, you don't need a certificate. You deserve happiness, all the
happiness you want in the world. And that's of great benefit
for you, for your parents, for your teachers,
for everybody in this world. What a wonderful thing it is. If all of you were constantly happy
like I’m seeing you smiling at me now. Why not? Thank you for listening. Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu! Those three ‘Sadhus’ are the
way we end Dhamma talks or meditation retreats when I’m around. So shall we try again with
a bit more ‘oomph! [laughter] Saaaadhu! Saaaaadhuuu!! Saaaaadhuuooo!!! Why not?
Okay. Very Good. Excellent. So what do we have here?
Okay, some questions. From Germany, no don't like
that one, Germany no, don't like that one.
[laughter] No, of course I do. Okay, ‘My daughter is special,
she has Asperger / Autism. How can I support her
without clinging too much? Do you have advice?’ Ah, just remember, it's
whenever you have a relationship, any sort of interesting relationship, then of course, it's never about me, it's never about - in this
case - your daughter. I’m sure you have other children as well,
have a husband, other people. It's all about US. So don't look at it as one
person or two persons, or three. It's a whole family. So when you just change
‘it's all about US’. So ‘how can WE be happier, we can have a bit more energy,
we can have a wonderful time.' And sometimes, the thing with
a person who's Asperger autistic, Down syndrome - because Down's is
something which I saw when I was very young, and seeing it even now - wonderful
just how our community has opened up and accepted people
who are a little bit different. And of course, also schizophrenia. Again, there's something about that - I’m not gonna call
it ‘disease’ - ‘difference’. Please, just see the beauty in that. Sometimes hard to do. But there was one article which
I read, which I was… well done. Was where instead of denying the reality
of the experience of those in the middle of a very tough schizophrenic
experience, you acknowledge it. That's what they're seeing, experiencing. Fine.
Because imagine what you think you see,
what you think you believe, is rejected and challenged by other
people who you care about and love. That doesn't really
start at the right foot at all. But if you can just acknowledge it,
then how can we deal with it; it's about us, different
person's view upon existence. That changes things. That's respect rather than ‘I’m
superior, I’m right, you're not’. So when it's about US, with
respect and kindness and love, it's amazing just how
different responses we have to what some
people find intolerable. I don't watch the TV,
but every now and again, somebody sends me
something on the Internet. And there was one little scene,
there was this one American guy. He had a son who was autistic,
and this man would go on these - the Iron Man runs and stuff –
he’d always take his son with him. He was running like 30 kilometres through
the rain or up mountains and stuff; his son would be on his back. He'd carry him everywhere. And you could see the
look on the son's face. Just the joy of when he finished
the race, it was inspiring! That son was just so close to his dad. His dad was doing things and you
could see just the joy on that son's face. He was autistic. Brilliant. So what we're doing here
is expanding what we can sort of encompass and
embrace, and accept and be with. So how do you support HER? By supporting US. The whole family. ‘When I learned meditating, I was’ -
this is another one from Germany – ‘I was introduced to using a Mala. Now I feel much
better with your teachings, but I’m curious, why only
Theravada seems not to use Mala.’ Those little beads. Oh, one thing because
they make so much noise. [A.B. making the noise]
Would be great if they had silent beads. But sometimes people
in Theravada use beads. But also, we want
to go deep in meditation, so we close our eyes,
so we can't hear sounds. You can't hear anything
at all, so the sound turns off. That's really cool. Because then, the mind
has more chance to grow. But anyway, we never
use the Mala at all. Mala the beads. And from Melbourne. ‘In many cultures,
Buddhists go to temples to pray, make promises or swear to Buddha, but
sometimes they can't keep their promises. Is this wrong?’
What do I think. I heard this when I was invited to a
talk at one of the Sai Baba groups, here in Perth. And this rich guy went
into the temple, this is in India. When he came out,
there was a beggar. And the beggar asked
him for a donation. And the rich man said: ‘What are
you asking for a donation for, you should go and get a job? You shouldn’t go out begging for people’. And then the beggar said: ‘Well,
what did you just go into the temple for? Even though you’re a rich man,
you went to beg for something or other’. And the rich man said ‘actually
you're quite right, here's a donation’. [laughter] Isn't that the case, if people go to
a temple to pray, don't call it praying, came for ‘begging’. Begging from a god or from
a temple or begging from a monk, ‘monk please, please, please,
please, can I win the lottery tomorrow?’ You're begging from me
again; you call ME a beggar? [laughter] But what we do do, we just
always give some encouragement, to kids doing exams… You know, just people just:
‘Oh, please Ajahn Brahm, please, please, is this the girl
for me, is this the girl for me? Please, I’m sure she is, please
Ajahn Brahm, please, please, please, can you do some chanting
so she'll fall in love with me?’ I say: ‘No’.
[laughter] Don't inflict suffering. Ah no I don't say that, of
course I give some. [laughter] I can't give suffering to too many people. No, okay, well maybe I can.
If that's what you want. Sometimes, you know what the blessings do when you go to a temple -
it just encourages you. It gives you some confidence, so you
can go in there and just see what happens. So - I think I told this to the
monks on Wednesday night - it’s just the same when you
shout for your football team. ‘Come on, the Dockers, come on,
the West Coast Eagles, come on!’. When you actually shout for your
team and you've got lots of supporters, of course, the team do much better. You're encouraging them.
So that's what I do to you. When I do the chanting and the
blessings, I just shout for you, ‘come on, you can do it,
yeah, come on, yes yes yes!’. That's what I did for that guy in the ICU, ‘come on, you can come out of coma, come on, yeah, you can, yes, you did it!’
[laughter] Basically, that's what we do. And from the United Arab Emirates, Thirani. ‘Hello Ajahn Brahm, is everything
that happens in our life meant to be, or is there such a thing as free will?’ Why did you write that question?
[Laughter] Was it meant to be,
or was it your free will? If it is free will, keep it secret,
because anything which is free, which is valuable, the
government will tax. [Laughter] I always thought about that. I made a little story about
that, about free speech. Do you believe in free speech? I don't. I think all speech should be taxed. Then we'd have a quieter world.
[laughter] Of course, you're
allowed a certain amount of speech. But after you've exceeded
your speech limit for the week, anything else gets taxed. It would raise a lot of money, and a lot of time from rich
people who talk too much. And of course me, but I’m
excepted, because I’m giving a talk. And it would also mean you'll
have a much more peaceful world. Okay, so any questions from
the floor here? No? Where's Eddie?
[laughter] Yeah okay, we've got another question. From Bill. Bill: ‘Dennis forgot a couple of
announcements, so I’ll make them now. Okay. Noble Eightfold Path
workshop series at Dhammaloka on the 20th of February
to the 27th of March, six Saturdays, 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., registration is open for those
wishing to attend in person. There is no registration
required for those who join online. Please see the website
and notice board for details. Next one is the BSWA Sunday Dhamma School has availability for student
placements for ages 3 to 17. Please contact admin at bswa.org. The term will commence
Sunday, the 7th of February. And from Anusha, "we will be
holding a free concert here at Dhammaloka on
13th February at 6 pm, see notice board for more details."’ Ajahn: Okay, so that's our news. Anusha's doing a concert here, yes? Who's performing? You performing, Bill? Sorry? ‘The Young Musicians’? Okay, very good. Are they any good?
[laughter] That's on the… 13th of February. 13th of February? What day is that? And that's the evening
before Valentine's Day. Okay, that reminds
me of one of these stories… I was giving this talk over in Singapore. And there's many people in Singapore, and there's lots of
young people at my talks. Lots of people were single. And lots of boys, lots of girls,
they'd love to have a partner, but they're too
scared to invite people. So we decided to just ‘let's see
who's single, who's married, who's what’? So the MC said ‘please, put your hand up,
uh, if you're available’ [laughter] ‘If you're single’. And of course, I’m an honest monk,
I said ‘well I’m single’. [laughter] And then ‘put your hand down
Ajahn Brahm, put your hand down!’ ... good fun anyway. Very good, so anyone who wants more
details on those announcements, they’ll be online,
they'll probably be posted here as well. I really recommend
Ajahn Brahmali’s Eightfold Path. So that's gonna be six or seven Saturdays. Beautiful sort of teachings
most of the day. Okay, so let us pay respects to
Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha, so I don't get fined for
speaking too much. [laughs] Araham samma-sambuddho bhagava. Buddham bhagavantam abhivademi. Svakkhato bhagavata dhammo. Dhammam namassami. Supatipanno bhagavato savakasangho
sangham namami. Very good
