Larry David Stand-Up Comedy

[Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you thank you I think I'm going to do very well tonight I really do Feeling Just unbelievably confident well that was a bad start it was a bad start a really stupid start I don't know why I did that you know you'll see well you've been you seem like a very nice audience tonight I'm wondering uh in case I break into some Spanish or French may I use the familiar two form with you people instead ofstead because I think who dead is going to be a little too formal for this crowd I feel already I've established the kind of Rapport that I can I can jump into the two form with you that quickly that I'm taking a two Liberty with you I'm going to use the two form and that's it you can't talk me out of it you know Caesar used the two form with Brutus even after Brutus stabbed him he said at two brute and I think that's a little too informal when someone's trying to assassinate you I think at that point perhaps you said he would have been better off but that season that's crazy wacky mixed up Julius Caesar thing about Hitler that I admired is that he wouldn't take any [ __ ] from magicians you know Hitler was a big big fan of magic and uh Hitler would go to a uh he'd go to a magic club and he'd watch the show and uh afterwards he' go he'd go backstage to talk to the magician he go was a wonderful show uh and I was just wondering I was talking to my friend where's the rabbit I'm sorry M fura uh I'm really glad you enjoyed it but we're really not allowed to to tell about the secrets you know they they're tricks but not allow yes yes I understand you're not allowed to tell but just tell me there's the rabbit mind fury it's a really it's a union thing we just where is a rabbit you tell me where a rabbit is must have been very very stressful to have grown up living next door to Jonah suk's mother I would imagine you know you got this woman and uh you know every day same thing aelle did I uh did I happen to mention uh that my son Jonas uh who your little Ste never let play in the games or stuck him in right field who never went out with the girls and wasn't athletic did I happen to mention that he discover the cure for polio my little Jonas polio he's mine I love him my Jonah the closest I ever came to death is when I masturbated with 104° temperature I was I had the flu and I was sweating I I was under the covers I was I was shivering and the sweat was coming down and and I I I couldn't even raise my arm hardly and and all of a sudden it started like to drift down and I'm I'm dying here and the next thing I know boom boom boom you know and then oh my God I thought I was dead I saw the white light I started drifting toward the white light and then there's my uncle going oh my God you're disgusting animal what the hell's WR with you this is actually a great time for me to cheat on my wife because of that whole Clinton scandal you know cuz she was such a staunch supporter of the guy that you know what is she going to say I can do whatever I want come on did Clinton actually think that he was going to get [ __ ] from a Jew and get off SC free what was he going to do this the guy never got obviously was never with a Jew before you think he's going to get [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm a Jewish woman and that's going to be the end of it no consequences what is it [Applause] crazy let me ask you a question who you think has more freedom the the married man in America or the single man in communist China I got to go for the single guy in communist China on no contest you know I mean I'm a married guy in America I can I can leave the country but I can't leave my house you know they can leave the house but they can't leave the country I'll go for that I like that better I'm not going to Europe where the hell am I going it's a good thing they didn't have answering machines when they uh were trying to form posies you know cuz everybody would be screening you know what I mean uh Larry this is Sheriff Robins call we're getting a uh we're getting a py together you around uh 2:30 we're going to meet old by the old Red Barn uh jeez we sure appreciate it if you sure appreciate if you can make this bus he kind of short on guys and uh we only got about three or four guys and [ __ ] we can really use you you know what we're going to be going after the Fado gang and uh some tough [ __ ] boy and we you better bring some some warm clothing it's getting going to be cold out there it's colder and sh out there and uh we're going to we're going to be gone about oh maybe about 6 7 days so uh you know stock up and uh that F out I got to tell you once again they're they're tough so I sure hope I sure hope you can make it and uh I hope to see I hope to see you out there then you uh two weeks later you're run into the sheriff in the town sheriff oh my God what what what happened I just I got home at 3:00 I just missed your message had the py go did it go okay what happened did you catch him I I never found out what happened I was so pissed off I tried I went over to the Red Bar nobody was there they told me it just left oh [ __ ]

Channel: Heyoka

Views: 1,067,006

Keywords: larry, david, curb, enthusiasm, cye, jerry, seinfeld, hbo, special, stand, standup, comedy, comedian, humor, funny, laugh, sitcom

Id: 6w8KL-2ou7Y

Length: 7min 52sec (472 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 10 2009