Kevin Hart is a great STORYTELLER

i'm gonna tell you one of the worst things that happened to me okay uh i'm having like a phenomenal shoe for those people that play blackjack a shoe is uh you know a deck of cards and you're going through it and you know it's just going great i'm hot and there's a hand where i get like two eights and i bet you know i bet a uh ridiculous amount of money on the hand and i'm like all right well i gotta split that you know i'm i'm talking too much what does the dealer have when you uh the dealer had a six showing oh six shots i never forget this uh and i got two eights and i'm like oh i gotta split that so i split em and i get another eight and i was like oh hey scared money don't make no money uh all right all right let's go i'm so excited i split them i give me no no split that one too another eight four eights out there i just split them all at this point little piece of poop came out my butt at this point at this point i'm extremely i'm extremely nervous because i've never seen anything like this but it's people around so i'm trying to play it cool i'm like hey hey all right okay all right all right what now what we gotta do now hit that hit the first one a three come out the dealer looks at me she's like you got to double down i was like yeah yeah i know i know i got to do that i got to double down on that let's go ahead and double down she said you want to see it face up or down said i don't want to see it she put it down the next one comes out it's a two so now i got a 10 she goes oh my god got a double tail again at this point my palms are sweating at this point i said i don't want to see it face down okay the next car comes out i get a 10 so i got 18 on the last one i had another 10. the dealer had a six showing okay all right here we go it's go time the dealer turns over the card underneath it in slow motion it was i saw it it was a five i said i said you you got to be not like this not like this i'm like go slow go slow go slow dealers you know dealers are fast to the point where you can't count like you haven't you ever tried to add it up but you don't know where you're at so so i know it's a five out there right she had the five boop real fast it was a three i was like oh oh oh what's that what's that she's like are you ready i said no no count that what is that what is that okay all right all right you got 14. all right go slow go slow real fast ace eight oh my god what's going on what you got 15. like slow motion i've never seen anything like it in my life real fast what 6 21 she took the money look she she didn't even look me in the eye she said i just sat there i kept counting it i was like hold on wait wait hold on eleven plus three that's the 14. you got an ace ace that puts you all right right there i think you got to hold on wait a minute wait a second all right what i have what are these what do i have lift all that up that's nothing or this ain't nothing none of this is nothing huh here's what pissed me off there's a guy behind me he goes man that's crazy ain't it it's very serious people i suffered a very serious injury this weekend yeah in disney world i was with my kids jay and i uh i took my kids tubing and i know it doesn't sound like it's that that's serious at first but i was on the tube with my kids and the guy goes hey man for adults you know we can speed this thing up right i'm a daredevil you know that okay i'm a thug jay uh my background speaks for itself i've been to jail listen what i'm saying so we get off of the tube i'm like yeah i want to do it so he's got me and my brother we're both getting set for twos speed boat starts pulling at 70 miles per hour i'm not lying okay we hit a wave right now because i'm so small because of my height i'm aerodynamic not on purpose not on purpose but we hit the wave bow i shoot up in the air now i was scared at first but then in my mind i started thinking like oh i'ma stick it like i'm gonna come down and people are watching they're going like oh this is probably what kevin hart does on the side so i was like okay so i came down right but i'm staring the tube as i'm coming down i land now you know water is water's hard like you know if you hit it hard it's like concrete so i smacked the water with the tube right i don't know i'm hurt at the time i hear everybody on the boat they're like oh my god kevin it sounded just like that they're like it was like oh my god kevin okay yeah these are all white people on the boat no no no [Applause] it was it was like the instructor and my kids they were like oh my god kevin so i came down now when i came down i hit the i hit the tube and i bounced off into the water i'm thinking i'm still fine i go to swim like literally with this stroke i go to take a swat a stroke but this shoulder had popped out of socket i just thought that something i thought i was like like you know i don't know who's had a dislocated shoulder not but if it's this okay you literally had you don't have much feeling at the bottom so i was like oh my arm must be caught on the tube so that's the only reason it's not coming back up so so once i saw i couldn't get it up this is when i started to panic a little bit i didn't cry but you probably would have thought that that's what it was because so like at this point in time i'm flagging a guy because i want help i'm like this this idiot this jackass is giving me a thumbs up you did it i'm like no no i can't move it they come they get me out the water and uh my brother was like oh man he said dude i could see your shoulder and like you know you're fine until you see it like once i saw it like it's just how remember when you had your jammed toe at that time you remember right remember you were fine someone was like shaq you jammed your toe [Applause] that's not shaq cries it was the same thing it was the same thing so i saw it i panicked i lied to you not i passed out like because i saw my shoulder out the socket he was like you're going to be all right and i was like too late i'm going it was over i woke up in the hospital it was popped back in yeah i tell you i tell you a funny [ __ ] on yourself story not this isn't going to be the guy with the [ __ ] jokes uh steven seagal right steve is a goal uh i'm doing a that's another movie what are you teaching how to do no this is this is going to kill you he's going to kill you so we're doing uh we're doing round along two cube accidentally punched one of the stunt guys right in the nose who's cube ice cube another i gotta introduce you he'll love it he punches the stunt guy in the nose stunt guy's nose starts bleeding q is apologetic yo man i'm so sorry god i'm i'm sorry i think no no man it's okay like at least you're nice you know like i noticed it wasn't intentional we've worked with people in the past that have been just dicks right so he's like who i'm like who else he's like with steven's goal you know he used to really get shots in you know in these scenes so got to a point we had to come to our boss you know the stunt coordinator we were like hey man steven's really hitting us like can you kind of tell him to sound like he's locked down his wife said the same thing can you tell steve to relax a little bit so stephen found out that one of the guys was like a black belt in judo like a a serious black belt so stephen comes up to the guy he's like hey put me in your best hold i bet you i can get out of it and he's like i can't do that you know you you're my boss i can't do that to you he's like put me in your best hole he looks at his balls because stephen was being a dick the guy said go ahead do it choke stephen put him in a chokehold right stephen's struggling his feet his feet squaming searching for balance he can't it's like he's losing air a little bit but you know the you got to tap out when you don't want anymore so while you're here all you hear is he taps out he taps out it goes good good old and he just he belongs to the bathroom he he comes out smells like [ __ ] everywhere the guy choked the [ __ ] out of the car but literally we're at probably one of the funniest things i've ever seen okay and people that know let's i want to ask you everybody take a look at this video and we're going to ask you to kind of narrate what was happening take a look at this video [Applause] first of all first of all i know it looks bad with me running into the camera okay uh let me explain y'all what's going on all right it was a um it was puffy's party all right puff had a party uh he's called me said kev can you host a party with me i said yeah dude that's how i do it i said i'm in new york so he said look we create this little sexy scene in the bathroom it's gonna be girls in the tub you trey songs fabulous like it's nice it's just gonna look like it's the place to be we're gonna use streaming that's all that's gonna be hot so get up there i'm hosting you know first of all i'm a sex symbol okay so i'm up there i'm up there and i'm hosting you know i'm i'm promoting the party i'm like yeah man this is a nice event you see we up here in the tub i hear trey songz behind me first of all if somebody here is on fire it's a panic you know it's a yellow yo yo your hair it should be crazy you would have thought trey was singing this is all i heard i heard yo your hair's on fire [Applause] it was like an hour like like it was one of his tracks like yo your head's on fire i turned around i saw it i was like oh because like literally like the flame like george like the flame grew like it was like it was like somebody threw gasoline on it like so when i saw i was like ow ow so my first instinct was to save myself because you know at the end of the day it's the truth at the end of the day i don't i don't want to die you know i don't know if you guys know weaves are the most flammable thank god a weed if there would have been another girl next to a weed that thing would have caught faster than the forest fire so i said so i just said let me say it myself now to camera i run i'm like did you get that on tape the only reason why i said that is because i didn't really get to see the whole thing so i wanted to i want to see it over again for myself as reasons let's take a look at it one more time everybody let's see it what level did you get to uh as far as basketball goes did you play high school basketball uh okay we being honest like because yeah cause you can find footage so i don't know how far i can lie okay uh all right listen i played i played high school basketball i played four years of varsity but it wasn't it wasn't easy okay um i wanted to play real bad this is all i wanted to do my mom she didn't want me to try out because my school was like two hours from my house we had to catch public transportation and the tryouts for the basketball team was at 6am this is a true story and my mom was like you're not leaving our house at 4am to go try out for a basketball team there's all types of crazy people out here i'm not sending my son on public transportation at that time i was like mom but this is the tryouts like i want to be on the team that's when i get to be on team she's like no not going to happen so because i'm such a genius i decided to take all the clocks in the house and set all of the clocks forward so when it was really 4 a.m i set the clocks to say 6 a.m that's what time i was leaving so like i woke my mom up and everything like it was time for work i got to get up she was like it's still dark out what's going on today i don't know but we gotta get up out of here time to go vcrs clocks her watches everything i set every clock in the house and i made it to tryouts i tried out and i was happy my plan worked and midway through the day i remember being in class you know classrooms got those skinny windows right and i'm like doing my work and i remember a head popping in the window and it was my mind and my mom and i remember the teachers like mr hart your mother wants to see you and i was like don't don't let me go out there for myself he's like go ahead mrs hart you excuse nothing no no please you gotta come out there and i remember walking out in that hall and all i heard us say was you had me get to work two hours early but nobody else in the office but me she beat me all the way home every bus we got on she hit me had me on the bus with nobody else on the bus the train i never i think i got whoop i may have gotten whooped for three and a half hours straight and there was nothing i could say and i was happy because i made the team and she was like oh you made the team i made the team

Channel: LaughPlanet

Views: 2,082,014

Keywords: kevin hart, kevin hart story, kevin hart storytelling, kevin hart is a great storyteller, kevin hart funny stories, kevin hart vegas incident, kevin hart steven seagal, kevin hart basketball story, kevin hart funny, kevin hart stand up, best of kevin hart, laugh planet

Id: gxAYSZ6XhVk

Length: 14min 47sec (887 seconds)

Published: Sun May 09 2021