Keep the Friend Circle Small

Do you know who the most important person   in the world to me at this particular  moment in time is right now you are how do i develop friendships or relationships that  actually mean something that are going to last   for a very long time what does everybody say  they say they keep the circle small right   and then you ask them why do you keep the  circle small what do they say they say   i'm tired of getting screwed over  i am tired of people violating   my trust i am tired of feeling used what do  they say they say people lie cheat and steal   and i they do they do happens all the time happens  to me unfortunately that's just part of life and   you are going to go through those things and you  need to go through those things it's a learning   process instead of wasting your time being pissed  because you got used or you got screwed over look   think about what did you do to put yourself  in the position to be able to be screwed over   learn from that and never put yourself in that  position again now we're getting off topic here   and that's a completely another that's a whole  nother subject but what makes a good friend   what do we all think makes good friends all right  you want somebody that you can trust right well   to develop trust that takes a lot of time right  you want somebody that you have confidence in   it takes a lot of time to develop confidence  with somebody you want somebody you can depend   on you want somebody that's reliable  you want somebody that's going to be   there for you when you need them right  all of those things take a lot of time   remember when it comes to building a  relationship it's just like anything else you get   what you put into it and what you put into it is  your time so let's go through a little math here   i think i have a better way to explain  this so let's just get to it all right so let's say we have mr  popular here okay mr popular he has he has all kinds of friends  for for uh easy math we'll say has 24   friends so 24 friends all right and  then there's there's sean over here me sean has four friends that's it i only have  four friends that's about the right amount   of people i have in my circle excluding  family so take a look at that all right   so all these tick marks right that's mr popular  he has 24 friends then you have sean over here   my point of the right way he has four  friends all right so bear with me   let's do some math all right there's 24  hours in a day correct 24 hours in a day that means mr popular can only give one hour a day  to all of his you know 24 friends that he keeps in   a circle so what do we have to do we have to  sleep right they say you need eight hours of   sleep a night okay now you have 16 hours left you  got to go to work all right you go to work most   people work eight hours a day that's eight eight  hours left in the day that aren't used up right   so then we gotta get ready for work we  gotta do the dishes we gotta do chores   whatever all kinds of [ __ ] that we don't wanna  do right we'll just we'll for easy math we'll   say one more hour so we have seven hours left in  the day okay seven hours to spend with the people   in our circle so seven hours times 60 that's  420 minutes 420 minutes but it's divided by   24 people 17.5 minutes per person okay so  we'll do the same thing for sean he only   has four friends so we divide his by four that's  105 minutes which equals one hour and 45 minutes left or uh one hour and 45 minutes to  spend with each of his four friends okay so going back here mr popular right he has 24 friends  he can only spend 17 minutes and 30 seconds   which with each of his 24 friends sean over here  with the small circle of only four friends can   spend an hour and 45 minutes with each one of his  friends per day now earlier we talked about what   makes friends right confidence trust all that good  stuff and what do we say that takes a lot of time   to develop confidence trust um somebody's going  to be there for you all that kind of good stuff   so my question is who do you  think is going to develop   those relationships faster is it going to  be mr popular who has 24 friends and he can   only dedicate 17 minutes and 30 seconds  to each friend per day or is it gonna be   sean who has four friends and he can dedicate  one hour and 45 minutes to each friend per day   i think you're getting the gist of  what i'm saying you're going to develop   longer lasting more meaningful relationships  and friendships by keeping the circle small   okay be selfish with your time and who you spend  it with here are some things that i think about   when i'm spending time with people and i'm trying  to decide who gets that time i heard this phrase a   while actually it's a question uh some time  ago and it really resonated with me and it   made a lot of sense and so i'm going to ask you  the question right now do you know who the most   important person in the world to me at this  particular moment in time is right now you are so with that being said think about  that for a minute just think about it   you are blowing everybody else in your life  off to spend time with whoever that person is   that's very hard to argue whether you want to  admit it or not whoever you're spending your   time with at that particular moment in time is  the most important person in the world to you   you could be spending it with anybody else but  you're spending it with that particular person   so with that being said now that you've given  the person that you're spending the time with   the title of the most important person in the  world to you at that particular moment in time   maybe that will help you decide who you want to  give that title to before you just give it away   be a little more choosy it makes a hell of a  lot of sense doesn't it now here's another thing here's the circles right so every time you spend time with  somebody outside of your circle you're saying no to somebody in your circle  so what does that mean think about it   every time you say yes to somebody that's not  in your circle you are taking time away from   somebody in your circle that deserves your  undivided attention and your time more time   that you put into the relationship with the people  that you love that you want to be friends with   the more you're going to get out of it as  you're investing in your relationships so   if you are a poor investor and you  invest in [ __ ] that doesn't matter then you're just going to have a bunch  of shallow relationships that mean   absolutely nothing and nobody's going to be  there for you so be choosy with your time time   is everything when it comes to  relationships i hope that helps you

Channel: Vigilance Elite

Views: 175,297

Rating: 4.9658976 out of 5

Keywords: vigilance elite, shawn ryan, vigilance, elite, shawn, ryan, shawn ryan show, the shawn ryan show, keep the friend circle small, keep the circle small, friend circle, friend, circle, friendship, how to make friends, time, relationship, building relationships, building friendships, vigilance elite podcast, shawn ryan vigilance elite, friends, shawn ryan podcast, relationships, making friends, self help, vigilance elite hard truth, hard truth, hard, truth

Id: L4MQzSYfEmM

Length: 10min 2sec (602 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 06 2020