Just A Little Bit of Fry and Laurie | A Bit Of Fry & Laurie | BBC Comedy Greats

good morning I beg your pardon I said good morning at last I'm sorry after all these years welcome comrade welcome sit down rest your weary elbows you'll take a glass of vodka mr. rabbit skin hats we are going to Moscow what news Comrade Stalin in rude health I trust all I said was good morning precisely the code it is now 27 summers since comrade Malinsky stood slightly to the left of where you are now and told me that one day a man would come into the shop and give notice of his allegiance with the phrase good morning hearing those words mr. Dahle odd and I were to detonate our relatives and fly to Dover where a man named Smith would see us safely onto a goods train delivering livestock to Minsk when I said good morning all I meant was you know good morning oh that's all I mean ah news please accept my green felt apologies model yes a model yes a model yes a model yes by a model with or without plastic straps may be a model aeroplane mm-hmm let me ask a different question in the same way who is this airplane for it's my son it's it's his birthday your son yes just your son yes and when is this Beth Davis Wednesday yes that's what I said Wednesday Wednesday you stupid or just take Jack Wednesday oh you are genuinely stupid I do it for I thought you were just being deaf mr. D'Elia command the earth to swallow me up I do apologize sir must be hard enough for stupid people without tech there's old bastards like that lady over there rubbing it into your face with so quietly mr. Kelly I've gone peculiar now so inflamed flavored English when is your son the day after Tuesday the day after bye where doctors are so specific these days aren't they are you expecting this boy to be a boy or a girl my son he's 9 this is going to be his 10th birthday his kids sure I fear you're spoiling him mr. Danny Arden me if this son of yours turns out to be one of those drug jockeys we're always reading about on television glass of water no thank you a cup of water no a pleat of water no thank you I just want a model aeroplane a model aeroplane of water no I don't want any water forget the water I just want to buy a model aeroplane I thought perhaps the Messerschmitt 109 II in the window the Messerschmitt 109 e in the window that's right fizzy or still yeah that doesn't count I have my hand on my head nor anything I'd say when my hand is on my head so the Messerschmitt 109 e yes and I suppose some glue some glue then your son is already a drug jockey Daniel I warned you on bended legs what's this a Messerschmitt 109 E and a fix for that degenerate junkie son of yours he's already done well the models ready assembled well you can't expect us to do all the work ourselves the whole joy of modelling lies in carefully scraping off the paint soaking off the transfer taking the plane apart piece by piece putting each piece into a small polythene bag which is then sealed and placed inside the box an achievement something to be proud of rare words indeed in these days of super sonic hedgehog brothers and ready sliced golf shots that's it just forget it figure it I'll try somewhere else mr. jelly art has a gun trained on you through the curtain so to see who went for me he will blow your head clean off with as much mercy as if you were a hell Casteel pop called Arnold I'm so sorry we couldn't help you sir we do try to accommodate our customers but not being a hotel we found it almost impossible right well all I can say is this has not been a very good morning after all these years what you got in there what you got in there I wonder a cat you could do morgue in there have you got the kitty puss this is clover my dad see I've always had Dax's I like smooth-coated Dax is best so what sort of Magua Giz your kissy puss hmm Syd term chapels are a tongue tamil what Burmese ah ber me I love a bear me such a girl or a boy bear me Christ it's male hello mr. burr me what's your name then as he can't speak it's there they can understand every word you say you can't do not much evidence for that my first taxi my first ever taxi was called skully I named him after Hugh skully who presents the Antiques Roadshow I love that program don't you pervertedly do you know what I do over Sunday every day after we've had our walk cuz ever and I always go walkin as if a Sunday well you know just clover and me and of course my little pooper scooper because that nasty party man doesn't like to see Poochie poop on his best grass does you know certain forests and of course I don't like to see Poochie boob on my best carpet and if I do clover knows she can expect a visit from the smack fairy so he come back and i make myself a cheese and tummy Toto ste what cheese and what Tommy - Tommy - Tommy tone tomahto Tommy tone again cheese and Tommy Toto stick sometimes - toasties and then old muggles of T and I just snug it down in front of the television and I watched the road show I love my Sunday afternoon ease and of course if it isn't the road show it might be that animal program with Desmond Desmond Morris Wow yes but we call him Desmond in our household cuz he's like a friend he's like an old chum is Desmond oh we might watch MasterChef with Lloyd E or the closes show with Geoff Banksy Banksy we love our Sunday afters don't we clover said what's wrong with mr. Bernie what mr. burr me why is he coming to see vetti news you've got two poorly tums did you just say betty-lou sore throat E mmm what's the matter with mr. burr me I've brought him in to be killed [Laughter] scusi he's got cancer of the liver I've brought him in to be put to death cancer yes cancer of the liver yes can't see when T you're going to be put to death is are you means your little heart going to be made to stop it whap whap they're going to go kill each am comes and they're going to put your coldy holdy body wad in the ground around are they Hey clever yeah I'm not to have this man put down please service is a bit slow isn't it ah see your max you typical loan lenders reaction that's got Lincolnshire written all over it no I understand that the Greek does things in his own tempo you know natural rhythms and cycles deep within them they're Yorkshire money may respect that yeah but we don't wanna be late for the basketball game oh right service yeah let's get some action at this table okay kalispera Hayes lunchtime you mean the girl you marry yeah well obviously in some dialects yeah but delicacy made us in a body good good the dish of the day is octopus now what was it called what was it good haha what a question in the sea yeah right so that that should be okay Gordon if you want to have that I don't know so um sido para que la dama this okay filitosa blocky okay narrow hey in the book a lyrical oh and that's it just ask you what oh I uh I'll have the same the pericle oh definitely you said the gentleman oh we ought to order up some wine while we're at it oh yeah of course you did sorry before were disney owner to my lovely friends ah what do you see Gordon he's spotted a kindred spirit what he's done is he spotted the craggy molander in me and how's the white clients to be treated with respect not your average walk in quick turnover merchants ah the reminders for my two beautiful English gentlemen right that's good oh it's very good for my special friendship what is this the mother's stuffed vine leaves stopped trying to take us for a ride did a classic Greek god what am i a peasant or a busy executive my friend doesn't make drama days but you asked for doll mothers yes he didn't know what they were just fine thank you come on go on let's get out of here this is just a tourist trap in Stevenage why not this is good steward Jesus Gordon these guys must have seen you coming a mile off depending on your mother's then do I want to push her stuff divinely through my face oh that is it this this wine is corked Kombi coffees got a metal top just taste it wake up delicious delicious it's got something in it oh yes my excellent friends its resonated exactly waiter this wine is what has resonated in the bottle but yes it's latina it's supposed to be like that stew and they had pine needle resins yeah thanks for your input Gordon but I hope I know my wines encyclopedia of world wines for nothing this is banished it's one the best of it tasted what is it you're gonna invite me to the wedding presumably you two getting married I'll take it obviously I mean a six year friendship just goes out the window if you're gonna start siding with some Greek Oh against me everything's not so right for my two lovers it you can come now you listen mush what are you a marking time doing lingo fine courses of the ancient world I was up there pounding the streets of Tiverton learning a summon friend what do you can your hairy ass on the nude beaches of tree to where it was swilling turpentine with a bunch of perverts out there degree in the university of hard knocks and tough surprises to you oh you're pressing loverboy are you going how come to your no melody if you like so forget it I've had enough Gordon I'm going out for an honest British Caban who's had a chance to look at Romeo and Juliet since last week well I know you know you've all been busy difficult make time but anybody told me no okay good right so you'll you're all coming to it fresh that's probably better in fact in fact well done good right now first of all this is mr. Lewis he just popped in to see how are all getting on just ignore him well don't ignore him but say you know well who can tell me what ignore means anyone tell me what ignore means nobody right okay ignore means not to pay too much attention to something that we all that Tony wake up Thanks not to be all that bothered by something if you like turn it was ignoring me just then okay so so that's ignore right well who'd like me to write it down we write it down hands up who like me to write it down ignore no one okay so we're happy with it good all right then oh yeah Rosie it's it's bas ta Rd yeah otherwise good right Romeo and Juliet what do you think should we talk about it class and then read it all or I mean hands I'd like to talk about it first no okay well I agree let's let's just get straight in and read it fair and say um always like to get them involved as soon as possible okay so Romeo and Juliet um do we have a gym yet who'd like to read Julia anybody maybe but what about a Romeo and we've gotta have a Romeo yeah come to Romeo's mummy what one one room you know okay fine I'll read them both because then you can this is Juliette speaking right ah will that be gone it's not yet yet near day it was the nightingale not the Lark that pierc'd the fearful hollow of thine ear likely she sings on yon pomegranate tree believe me love it was the nightingale this is Romeo now it was the Lark The Herald of the morn no nightingale look love what envious streaks do lace the severing clouds in yonder East okay now have you heard that from what you've just heard what relevance do you think Romeo and Juliet has to today's Britain who thinks it's got any any any relevance at all no one okay right so so we think it's irrelevant to e ah interesting right so nobody we don't think it's relevant we don't think it's irrelevant either it sort of in between yeah it's ending kind of a gray area now it's interesting good well done why don't you think why do you think Shakespeare wrote something that was in a gray area what did he mean by it did he mean anything by it and maybe he's just being stupid um who thinks that hands up those people who think Shakespeare was being stupid no right now that's stupid no that I would think a bit so we don't think Shakespeare was stupid but he was writing in a grey area why all right why you all think about that one I'm just gonna come out with an opinion and he's just an opinion so you can all shout me down as usual and that is Romeo and Juliet is about love we have love we do love in today's Britain so Romeo and Juliet therefore isn't wasn't irrelevant anybody agree with that right no so nobody agrees with it but did anyone find it helpful at all lovely no you're right oh yeah I was being unhelpful there oh that's stupid of me I shouldn't I'm just I'm just clouded the whole issue now I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm just holding you back well who'd like me to stay I mean hands up those people who'd like me to stay would you like we do no one right no I agree I agree you're right another one please bobbin you sure what don't no offense but this will be a seventh you just keep him coming your funeral [ __ ] come again my wife oh she doesn't understand me she's never understood me what polish or something if you yeah even you haven't been trapped in a loveless marriage with a woman you despised - not since I was nine do you like it straight up what door with ice nice no cocktail onion no thanks she takes no interest in my friends you know she laughs at my peanuts hobbies she doesn't even value my crinkle-cut cheesy whatsit career you know it's just so depressing all right so other men have got larger plums salaries there are prospects and another men come can boast a healthier looking school lifestyle all right you know so sorry I haven't like loads of cash hanging around you know but I can play other people are worse off I've got a job I've got two sweet rosy nipples she's always going on and on and on about my appearance from he's not sick she's an oil painting you know I mean frankly she's playing and prawn flavoured tonight as youngster you used to be herself I don't know I've bothered with women I've been better off being AB fruit monk or a hermit or something at least if I was a [ __ ] this if I was a monk you know I wouldn't have to put up with women you know women going on and on and you took the hind leg off a camel some because I couldn't live without women here a monastery the best you can hope for is a bit of chocolate hobnob peace and spirituality let's face we haven't slept together for years you know the best I can hope for is a bit of savory finger and naturally she won't let me give her so much as a good juicy tongue in the back passage the Pecola chief crazy weekend just passed sir may I inquire as to whether sir was in receipt of and enjoyable miss or did events proved themselves to be of an otherwise nature present thank you very pleasant thank you thank you sir might I take it sir that for that period they were not within the boundaries of Lincolnshire where I understand it rained like a [ __ ] said I am uplifted to hear no my wife and I spend the weekend in Hull sir is Mary yes I had literally no idea sir my remissness in failing to felicitate sir upon the joyousness in good tidings is something I fear I shall have to live with for the rest of my life now to business being one of the shrewdest sirs who has ever swum into my purview may I take it that sir is keen to exploit the financial and social advantages inherent in having a haircut a haircut that's right yes of course a haircut is a hair enhanced if Sir will entirely fail to slash my throat slit for being so oh listen the hair in question is what the hair currently under advisement belongs to what do you mean what do I mean yes I sneak myself towards the suspicion that sir has cast me as the mouse in his ever popular cat drama yes so your own hair is the head upon which this entire transaction is to be founded here to get you to cut someone else's hair sir please set fire to my legs if you think I'm trying more romantic and glamorous than it really is that believe me when I tell you that in my position one cannot be too careful really yes in detail once and once only have I had to cut the hair of a gentleman against his will and believe me when I tell you that it was most difficult and well it's my you're yes now sir we proceed to that post operative stages which one which of the manifold hairs upon sirs crisp and twinkling head each would sir like to place in my professional care for the purposes of securing and encampment yes sir is entirely sure with you sir I seek not to question the profoundest absurd wonder express my own humbleness at the prospect of so magnificent of charge no is that a problem no indeed sir no indeed sir not a problem sir so far from being a problem sir luckily I mainly hope that sir can take time off from what I know is a very hectic schedule to appreciate but for me to cut all the hairs on sirs head represents the snow-capped summit of a barber's career done it before oh yes indeed sir yes I once cut all the hairs on a gentleman's head in Cairo shortly after the war when the world was in uproar and to a young man everything seemed possible what would be bootless to deny that I was a younger and better-looking barber then but let's hope that the magic is not entirely disappeared up its own rabbit hole wait one cotton-picking minute here you cut someone's hair all of it that is once since the war sir would prefer it if in the sphere of total haircutting I was to him a virgin that I can respect what the desire that we should both of us embark upon this journey together as innocence as wide-eyed travelers to a distant land unknowing of our faith careless of our destination to emerge some day somewhere bruised sad a little wiser perhaps but ultimately and joyously alive goodbye well my colleague 1740 seconds of elapsed since first we welcomed the viewing several into our lives for another evening of entertainment and hatred my colleague you've opened your mouth and the great truth has come out I'll save you embarrassment by pretending you never said that or anything like it he's firm but he's fair the great sandwich of broadcasting weird a bit of fry and Laurie or perhaps but a thin slice of turkey breast we nourish but we don't cause wind I could have put it better myself what's more he could too he could so now the colleague we have to sweep up the broken shards and decaying lumps of the evening gather them into an old towel and heave them over the Seafarer breaks your heart doesn't it I turn to you now my colleague and I asked him to gaze down at the drinks menu and fix us a debonair cocktail selection oh well now this is a difficult choice choose carefully my colleague one choice brings certain death the other freedom well now you'd expect me to choose the silver prostate but then you've know that I'd know that you'd expect that so really I should choose the boiling idiot but the boiling idiot Scott Campari in it and he knows that I hate Campari so so so it'll be the silver prospect ha you've chosen why isn't it little one Yoder has taught you well the silver prostate does indeed bring freedom now to prepare a silver prostate at home you will need seven of the following a cocktail shaker a cocktail shaker shaker that's me a helping of liquorice Strega an assistance of puffit a more lovely purple violet liqueur there a cheat of Maker's Mark bourbon a rash of Bailey's Irish Cream to throw away squirrel lumps of frozen water sculpted into the shape of ice cubes the farewell from news reader Andrew Harvey digitally recorded affair that's the national and international news tonight while I mix these together I turn to the debonair Dwyer of the dance and I ask us asking Lee as I might this ask please mr. music will you play [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] sube twist [Applause] you

Channel: BBC Comedy Greats

Views: 1,413,920

Keywords: bbc, bbc comedy greats, bbc comedy, comedy greats, british comedy, stand up, Sitcom, Comedian, Comic, Sketch show, stephen fry, hugh laurie, a bit of fry and laurie, fry and laurie police station, fry and laurie language, fry and laurie football, fry and laurie bartender, fry and laurie mr dalliard, fry and laurie death threat, fry and laurie court, fry and laurie australian soap, fry and laurie duel, fry and laurie haircut, fry and laurie mystery, fry and laurie barman

Id: 3y_hhS_i6fY

Length: 26min 50sec (1610 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 29 2020