>> JOY EGGERICHS: Thank you. Thank you, can we give it up for “His Eye’s
on the Sparrow?” My goodness, that was awesome. If, if the film people here at Liberty want
to remake a film, can we just redo Sister Act 2? That was like one of the best films ever. I was — I know the rap; I was considering
doing it. You know the part where they come out and
they're like one-armed, you know, overall, "Joyful, joyful, Lord we adore thee and in
my life I put none before" — I could keep going, but I'll stop embarrassing myself. I was just in — the Spirit led, you know,
to rapping. But I am so excited to be here, thank you
for having me. I've actually had a couple friends go here
and they told me that you guys are constantly indoctrinated with the truth that right here
in your presence you have the best of the best people and so you might as well find
your spouse here. And I've also been told by those friends that
some of you are sick of hearing that. So, hey, but I'm not, and I'm here. So I'm actually gonna put my phone number
up on the screen for any guys that — no? OK. The gala's coming up, I'll stick around, no? OK. But no, I'm not here to tell you to get married
and get a ring by spring, or pick up a dude for myself, yet. Right now I'm gonna speak to you guys about
some things that are on my heart. As Johnnie mentioned, I work for my parents. They have a ministry called Love and Respect
and I used to direct all of their speaking events, and one of the things that I heard
over and over at every single conference were people who had been married for 20 or 30 years
and they would, they would say, "Man, why didn't we know this 20 years ago? If only I knew then what I know now." And that phrase stuck with me, and that's
why I've now started my division, as Johnnie mentioned, for 18 to 35 year olds called Love
and Respect (Now) trying to help you all. Trying to figure this out myself, and so I'm
so pumped for you guys to hear from my dad on Friday. I hope that you come back and hear the principles
that he has discovered that are — that’s transforming so many people's lives. And the reality is I feel like if we start
listening and paying attention to this stuff right now, whether there's a relationship
on the radar or not, it will benefit you greatly. ‘Cause I want our generation to not have
to say, "Why didn't anybody teach us this 20 years ago?" And the truths that my dad are — is gonna
teach will give you insight, not only to your own relationships but you'll see things in
your parents' marriage and go, "Oh, oh that's why." Or you'll start to understand your brother
or sister or just your male or female friends better. But mostly, I think you'll hopefully get some
insights about yourself. ‘Cause I think if we can start going, "Oh,
that resonates with me. That's why I do what I do," then when you
do get into marriage, you can actually articulate, you know, and make sense of your feelings
instead of just being reactive and not understanding why you're reacting or why you're getting
offended. So that's why I want us to dive into this
stuff now. But this morning, I want to take a step back,
and I actually want to pose some questions for you that I've had to ask about God. Because as I've been listening to all of my
Christian peers, one of the things that I'm starting to notice is that our theology is
getting rocked a little bit. And often times, relational wounds are at
the, at the root of that. And so the questions that I want to ask this
morning are looking at – does the Scripture actually work? Is it really relevant today? Does God really love me? And is God actually good? And for those of us who have grown up in the
church and call ourselves Christians, those probably seem kind of like elementary questions,
you're like, "Oh yeah, the answer's yes, yes, yes." But you're gonna hit some trials in your life,
and you're really gonna have to honestly answer those questions. Some of you guys have already gone through
deep, painful experiences, and you — and when you're thinking about relationships,
you're seeing hypocrisy maybe in your own parents' marriage, or you've been deeply wounded
by somebody who called themselves a Christian and broke up with you, or you've never actually
been out on a date and you're like "you know, maybe the Lord's just given me the gift of
singleness." You know. And that's your default to protect yourself. Or you're saying "I don't know if I'm ever
actually gonna get married, I really want to put my career first," or whatever it is. You're putting these guards up cause you actually
are scared and you're fearful. And when we, when we get hurt relationally
or we're scared in this area of relationships, I'm starting to see our generation have that
be the trigger to go, "you know what? I just — I don't even know if I believe
this anymore." This being God. And our theology being rocked. And so for me there were some pivotal points
in my life where I was forced to ask these questions, and I want, I want to share these
with you because I believe that if we can get a better grip of our foundation — of
our theology, then when we encounter trials, whether you have or you haven't, hopefully
our theology will be the lens with which we address our, our problems, as opposed to letting
our problems then dictate how we see God. So the first, the first question that I had
to wrestle with is, "Does Scripture really work?" I wonder how many of you in the past year
have flipped through your Bible and you're like, "Yeah, I don't think that applies in
2013," or "Yeah, I don't like that. I don't think God — no, He doesn't mean
that for us." And you just flip the page and you disregard
it. Or it actually bothers you. Like right now I'm reading Deuteronomy and
I'm like, "What? What? This is weird." And the first time I really had to dive into
the uncertainty of, of Scripture when I really took a cold, hard look at it was when my parents
starting doing the Love and Respect message and were traveling around. It was when I was a freshman in college so
I didn't grow up hearing this message. And I was in California and they came out
and were teaching the message and I, as a good daughter went and decided to listen to
them. And, and the whole premise of Love and Respect
is based off of Ephesians 5:33 which says, "Husbands are to love their wives and wives
are to respect their husbands," and I remember not really getting it. I was there, I was kinda paying attention. I'm like, "What's the difference between love
and respect? Don't we all need love and respect?" And yadda, yadda, yadda, but I remember my
dad saying things like, "No, this is a husband and wife's, mother's — mother tongue, and
you have to trust that it might not make sense to you but that it's actually full of power." I'm like, "Uh." And then he was like, "Ladies, if you don't
trust me, I have a little respect test for you." I was like, "hmmm." And he goes, "I just want to show you how
important this type of language is to your husband and how much it'll energize him, so
the next time that he comes home and you guys are alone in a room together, I want you just
to go in and say 'you know, I was thinking about you today. All the things that I really, really admire
and respect about you.'" And then my dad said "and then, then walk
away, just leave the room." And he said, "I promise, he will, he will
light up, and he will come after you, and he'll want to know 'What? Wait, what?'" Or, or if he's lazy he'll be like, "Hey! Hey, wait. Come back in here. Get back in here." So I was like, "Hmmm, all right. I like tests." And so at that point I was a freshman in college
and I had a crush on a boy, and — are you surprised? And so he worked in the library, so naturally
I went and studied more that semester than ever before. And I was thinking about, I was thinking about
this respect test and I thought, "It's gonna be a little awkward if I like go up to the
circulation desk and I'm like 'I was thinking about you today, all the things I really respect
about you.'" So I was like, "Play it cool, Joy, play it
cool." So, his birthday was coming up, and I was
like, "OK, maybe I can use some of this, like, respect language in, like, a birthday card." And so, I don't totally remember what I wrote
but it was definitely different than what I would have written to one of my girlfriends,
and I tried to incorporate some of this language. And so I took the card and I went to his dorm
room and I went — it was like a top floor in the dorm and so you know those stairwells
that go all the way up like this and I charge all the way up there and I get to, I get to
his door and I knock on the door. And he wasn't there. It was actually probably good because I think
I was sweating a lot from the stairs and so I just put the card, put the card on his desk
and I'm walking out of his room and he's coming back and I was like, "Hey, creeper, just in
your room. Hi." I was like, "Happy birthday," and he was like,
"Oh, thanks, Joy." I was like, "I left you a little card," and
he was like, "Oh, cool. Thank you." Real nice guy but just kept walking on by
me. I was like [bwerrr]. So, so I start walking back down those stairs
and I'm a little sad and I kid you not, as I get halfway down the stairs and I hear from
the top of the stairs "Hey, Joy!" "Yeah?" "Thanks for that birthday card. We should really hang out more often." I was like, I was like "what? What my dad said works! He came after me. He didn't want to talk to me before, and then
he read the respect card and he came after me!" I was so pumped. So at that point, I knew exactly what I needed
to do. I needed to get a list of all the hot guys
on campus and their birthdates and I just needed to start writing — wouldn’t you? Wouldn't you? So that — my freshmen year in college, is
when my interest was piqued in this whole respect thing. But then fast forward to my senior year and
that's when my father's book Love and Respect got published and he was so kind and sent
me a copy. I think he even signed it, so, thank you,
Dad, wherever you are. And, and I can vividly remember where I was,
I had the book in my hand and we were on the phone and keep in mind, I was about to graduate
in a communications studies major. Yeah. We can talk. Yeah. And, you know that's why you took it. And so I had taken some gender comm. classes,
interpersonal comm, and I just felt at that point that I knew everything there was to
know about everything. So we're on the phone and my dad is just telling
me how — the impact of this book and he's just like, "We're so excited and what — how
we're seeing it's transforming so many marriages, lives and, you know, really Joy, when, you
know, when we look at the whole of Scripture, I'm really feeling like this verse is calling
husbands and wives to do something extreme. You know, it's really calling husbands to
unconditionally love their wives." I was like, "Amen! Preach it! Unconditional love all the way. Love it." "And Joy I really feel like the unique aspect
is that it's calling wives to unconditionally respect their husband." I was like, "What? Sorry, is there dust on this phone, I don't
— did I hear you Dad?" And I remember getting so upset with my father,
I was like, "unconditionally respect, Dad? Respect has to be earned. You can't write a book about this." I was like, "You're gonna set women up for
abuse, this is ridiculous," and I was just — I literally was yelling at my dad on the
phone. He can attest to it. And I was so — and I remember I just had
this like reactive like, "No, no, no, no, our last name is really unique and you're
gonna stamp that on the front of a book and it's gonna go out everywhere? I'm gonna be the laughing stock of everyone,
you know?" It's a little dramatic, but. So I was really mortified by this fact. Couple years ago, I gave a talk at Pepperdine
University about the evolution of definitions and how we live in a day and age where there
is just so much information coming at us, it's just nonstop. I mean half of you guys are probably on your
phone, reading the news, or let's be honest, Facebook. You know, or you're doing emails or you're
— whatever you're doing. We have constant stuff coming to us, we have
constant access to stuff. And so no longer do we live in a time where,
you know, we're gonna have to seek out if we want to learn or we have to find the definition
to something, rather I believe that we live in a day and age where whoever's the loudest
gets to define things. So I realize that the reason that I reacted
to my father on the phone that way is cause I had a definition of what a husband needing
respect from his wife looked like. And that definition was a very strong visual,
let me paint that for you. Seven-foot-tall man named Billy Bob carrying
a Miller High Life and a shotgun going, "Woman, you better respect me!" That was my definition so you can understand
that's why I would react to my father. But I had to stop and be honest with myself,
and say, "Who is my dad?" I mean first of all, he's studied the Bible
far more than I have, he has a bazillion more degrees than I do. I see how he's treated every woman he's every
worked with. I see how he's treated my mother my whole
life. I see how he treats me and sees me as an equal
to my male peers. He's essentially told me I can do anything,
be anything, go anywhere, except for a ballerina. I really want to be a ballerina. My parents ripped me out in my prime. But that's beside the point. And so, I'm like, "No, my dad is a good man. He is a good man, and he treats women with
respect. And yet he's teaching something that he thinks
will actually empower women, but it's foreign to us and we're reactive to it because of
the definition of the world." And so then I started thinking, "Well, what,
what about — what do I think about my Heavenly Father?" Do I believe that He would put something in
Scripture that was there to hurt me, to set me up for abuse? Do I really think that? If I don't, then can I be strong enough to
believe something in Scripture is there that might feel foreign to me but is actually full
of power when I obey it? And so that's my challenge to you. Stop and think, when you come across passages
in Scripture that are weird to you, are you gonna disregard them and make your theology
around what you want it to be? Or are you gonna stop and go, "What does this
mean? What is the bigger heart of God in this, and
can I trust Him and can I be obedient even when it doesn't make sense?" The second question that I've had to grapple
with is, "Is God good?" My senior year in college, my parents came
out to tell me that my mom had cancer. And I don't know if any of you guys have ever
experienced having a close family member be diagnosed with cancer but I think we all have
the same response. Why? Why her? Why him? Why? God no, no, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, why? I was like "no she — wait, wait." I mean, I could not even wrap my mind around
it. And I remember just praying, praying "God,
You've got to heal my mom, You've got to heal my mom, please, please, please." I had these — I only wear gold now, and
that's because when I found out my mom had cancer I had these two gold necklaces from
my grandmother that I never wore and I put them on to remind me to pray for my mom. And so, I prayed and I prayed and I prayed,
and guess what? My mother is here, and she's cancer-free today. So, so God is good, God is good! God is good, right? Well, well wait. What about my friend Adam, whose wife just
dropped dead, leaving him with his 2-year-old little girl? And she was pregnant with their unborn baby
boy. She just dropped dead, she's not coming back. Now, God is not good. I don't want to have to sit on the phone with
another friend and listen to him talk to the coroner and explain play by play about his
wife's tragic death. God is not good. I live in Portland, Oregon and there's a pastor
there named Josh White. Yeah, Portland. His name is Josh White and he was doing a
series on spiritual warfare. Now, that's not a term I love to talk about. It just gives me a weird visual. You're like "Joy, we'll talk about relationships
and God, but let's not talk about spiritual warfare, ‘cause then we start thinking about
Satan and the devil and the devil is really just that red, slutty Halloween costume, let's
not think about that, I don't wanna, nah-nah-nah. Let's talk about happy things, OK?" But he said something so powerful. He said, "When we do that – when we ignore
that evil is actually real, when we ignore that, we don't want to think about that, that's
just a Halloween costume, when we ignore that, then when bad things happen, all we have left
to blame is God." When we ignore that evil is real and that
Satan exists, when bad things happen all we have left to blame is God. And when he said that immediately the line
from “The Usual Suspects” popped into my head which was Kevin Spacey when he says,
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist." I think that's one of the most powerful lines
in the film. "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled
was convincing you and me that he doesn't exist." And then we blame God. I think sometimes too when we're on the outside
of suffering it's easier to go, "How could a loving God do that, to my mom and to Adam?" Where I have just come off of the last three
weeks of being on a grand jury — I don't know if you guys know what that is, I had
a two-day jury commitment but then I got pulled into this grand jury and it is intense. For three weeks I sat and listened to testimonies
of witnesses from hundreds of cases and heard some of the most gruesome things that if I
shared with you the details, you would be nauseous. And I heard about evil. On four different counts, four different scenarios,
people said the same thing, they said, "There was something in their eyes that I didn't
recognize." It was evil. And so I sit there and I'm hearing about evil,
and I'm processing that and I'm still processing that, and I think we just — we, we, we don't
understand. We're like "God, how could You allow that?" How could You allow those things that I am
hearing? How could You allow my mom to have cancer? How could you allow Adam's wife to die? And you know what? I want to tell you that I think God is very
OK with our questions. He's very OK with our questions, and you're
gonna have a lot of questions in this life because your family members are gonna get
cancer, you may lose a spouse, you may lose a friend, or you may experience something
gruesome like what I heard on grand jury. But what I want to challenge you and me with
is what posture will we take when we ask our questions. I think right now it's kinda hip in some cultures
to just be angry at God. No, I'm just — God and I are in a fight. I'm so angry at Him right now. And it's like we shake our fists. I've been there, it's OK — I mean read the
Psalms, people get angry at God. It's OK to be honest, but how long will we
shake our fist? Because if we do believe Scripture, then Scripture
says that God is a relational God. Put yourself in His shoes. How easy is it to have a relationship with
someone who's shaking their fist? Or another posture of apathy. Throwing our hands up. Being like "you know what? I've grown up in a Christian home, I've done
the whole prayer thing. I've seen God answer prayers and I've seen
Him not answer prayers so really, God's gonna do what He's gonna do anyways, and so I just
think prayer is really just positive self-talk, so do Your thing God, I'm just gonna be over
here, whatever." Is it easy to have a relationship with someone
like that? Or will we take the posture of humility and
realize that God is God and we don't really understand what’s going on and we can bring
Him our questions honestly but we imitate Christ. You know, we just celebrated Easter and every,
every Easter weekend I watch The Passion of Christ. In that opening scene when Jesus is in the
garden of Gethsemane is so powerful to me. Because you see His humanity, He is shaking,
He is sweating, and He knows what is about to happen. Prophets have said "it's gonna happen," He
said "it was gonna happen," God the Father told Him it was gonna happen, He knew that,
but yet He still was choosing to commune with the Father. Why didn't, why didn't He just say, "You know,
we know how this is gonna turn out, I'm just gonna go get a little shut eye with the rest
of the disciples." No, He didn't. Because I think He knew that even, even though
He was pretty confident of the turn out, He could still make His request known to God
and He knew that that would delight the heart of the Father and that there would be power
on the heels of that. "Father if You can take this cup from me,
but not my will Your will be done." Did that give Him power? Did it? He ended up on the cross, but the same time
He was on the cross going, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." So you are gonna, you are gonna encounter
trials of varying kinds, and you have to decide how you're gonna respond to God in the midst
of that. Will you ignore Him, will you shake your first
at Him, or will you humbly bring your sorrow to Him and trust that even though He may not
answer it the way you want, that there's actually power on the heels of your prayers, because,
like we sang in that opening song, God is good. And the last question that I have had to wrestle
with is, "Does God even really love me?" And again, I know that sounds elementary but
I don't know how many of you guys have been through major breakups or heartache. It's not fun. And if you, if you haven't, it'll probably
happen. ‘Cause the reality is that we're only gonna
end up with one person, unless you're into polygamy but hopefully you're not. And, and so the reality is that you probably
will date a few people before you find the person that you, that you're gonna marry,
and so those relationships will end and there will probably be some heartache with that. And that doesn't mean that you've done anything
wrong. It just means that you're now without what
you had and sometimes the without, that season of the without is even more painful that the
difficulty of the relationship and you're left with a void in your heart, with questions
for God going, "Why am I here? I'm alone." And that's what happened to me. I — when I was directing my parents' conferences,
I felt like "Well, I direct marriage conferences, I'm probably ready to get married." And there was a guy that — we had been friends
for a couple years, we knew each other really well, and so then we started dating, and because
of the, the friendship, it just kinda moved forward quite quickly, and we started talking
about marriage and I was trying on dresses, he was getting the ring made. I had asked my girlfriends to be bridesmaids,
everyone in our close community was on board, my parents were on board, we were moving full
steam ahead. And because of that, because of the confidence
that I had, I started to get to this point when I was like, "There's nothing that is
stopping me from moving forward with these wedding plans and marrying this man. And do I need to pray something just to make
sure I'm not missing anything?” And so I started to pray in this prayer that
said "Lord, if this relationship is not to move forward, will you hit me with a ton of
bricks?" Got a weird visual, but that's like all I
could think of that would physically stop me, so every day I said "Lord, if this is
not right, hit us with a ton of bricks. If this is not right, hit us with a ton of
bricks." And I just felt the freedom in praying that,
it was a little scary but — is there any bricks, no? OK and thankfully, metaphorically He did hit
us with a ton of bricks and the relationship ended. And it was one of the most painful times in
my life and I was left spinning and I couldn't, I couldn't even function. I couldn't direct my parents' conferences. I just told them, I was like "I gotta, I gotta
get out of here." And I really just wanted to go like live in
a cave and curl up and never talk to anybody again. But my parents, who are a little bit wiser
and I've chosen to listen to, said, "No, you do need to get away, but you need to go someplace
where you can have community." Oh the buzzword: “community.” So, I was like "all right, fine" and so I
found this place in the middle of the Alps. Like literally, it was like on the side of
an Alp. This little village and you would go and you
lived in community and you like worked half the day and then you would meet with a tutor
and ask them your questions. So, you would come with questions. It was one of the places that developed my
love of questions even more and then they'd say, "Oh, OK these are your questions. Here's some resources, and go study." And so then you'd spend the second half of
the day studying and so I was excited about that in the midst of my sadness but then the
first week that I got there I broke my ankle. Oh, how, you ask? Well, I had been snowboarding once, once in
my life. A decade prior. So I thought "Why not pick it back up in the
Alps?" That'll be smart. Which would still kinda be an awesome story
if I could be like "I broke my ankle in the Alps," but no, no, there were some friends
that were sledding and I thought, "Why don't I get ready for snowboarding in the Alps by
standing up on this sled right now and pretending like I'm" — not smart guys, not smart. So I fell over in excruciating pain, I had
never broken anything before so I didn't know what that felt like but I just knew it hurt
a lot and I was like kinda like half-laughing, half-grunting and all these new friends ran
up to me and they're like, "Are you OK? Are you OK?" I'm like, “I don't know.” I was like, "I heard something. I heard something." And one of my new friends was like "are you
sure it wasn't just like the snow crunching underneath your sled?" I was like "oh yeah, the snow crunched and
then I fell over in excruciating pain." Goodness. So, there I was, in the middle of Alps, an
Alp, and I'm lying in a bunk bed now staring at the bunk above me, broken hearted, broken
ankle, and oh, because of the high altitude, I had to give myself a shot in the stomach
every day to prevent a blood clot so then I also looked like a heroin addict. Good times, I was having a fun time in the
Alp. My goodness. And I, I just laid there and I like literally
like there was nothing I could do but like, talk to God, and the top of the bunk. And, and then on Thursdays in this community,
everybody had the day off. And so all the people with working legs would
leave and they would go explore other places in Europe. And I had to stay in bed and on this particular
Thursday, my friend Erin she stayed back with me and she's like, "You know what, I think
I'm gonna go take a nap." So she went and took a nap and then it hit
me. I was like "I have the computer all to myself." There was, there was one computer in this
whole community and it was in one little room and they only turn it on at night and if you've
got a whole community of people that want to check their email. I mean it's like — this was like gold. I was like, "Oh my goodness." The only problem was that it was two flights
of rickety chalet stairs below me so I'm like, "I've got time, I've got the day." So I get on my trusty Alp edition crutches
that literally they like clamped on your arm and then they had this like metal clamp that
would flip down if you wanted to go in the snow, it was like pick-ax or something like
that. It was — they were intense. So I go down two flights of rickety chalet
stairs and I get to the computer and I prop my leg up for elevation, I put my crutches
down, I turn on the computer, and that is when I found out — let me back up for a
second. I love doing that. Before I left, for the Alps, I was emailing
a little bit with my ex. I don't recommend that after you've broken
up, but I was. And we were both so heartbroken and I was
like "I'm going to this place where we ask these questions and I don't know what to ask
and blah." And he wrote back and he was like, "You know,
if we could just, if we could like know that Jesus loves us, if we could just know that,
I feel like that would heal so much of the world's heart pain, if we could just know
that." I was like "yeah, man if we could just know
for sure." And then all of a sudden, I kid you not, 5-year-old
little Joy crept up within my soul and starting singing "Jesus loves me this I know, for the
Bible tells me so." You're welcome, thank you. And literally, that wasn't like a song I would
go around humming or singing, I don't think I had sung it since like Sunday school and
I, I kinda laughed at myself and I'm like, "That's so elementary." You know, I'm like "that's a child's song." But then I paused and I'm like "do I really,
do I really believe that?" I mean, we were trying to sound all deep and
theological, "Oh if we could only know." And this childhood song was like "Jesus loves
me, this I can know, ‘cause guess what? The Bible tells me so." So I had to stop and go "do I believe the
Bible?" And I realized in that moment we were saying
that we wanted to know if Jesus loved us but I realize we weren't wanting to know, we were
wanting to feel. ‘Cause when you aren't feeling God's love,
you start to question God's love. And that's what we were going through. So back to the computer room, leg's propped
up, crutches on the ground, computer's on. That's when I found out that he was dating
someone else. No, no, not just dating someone else. He was "in a relationship with," I found out
via Facebook. Yeah, any of you ever found out your ex is
dating someone with Facebook? It's not fun, it's not fun. I saw the Facebook movie, you know, and like
Mark Zuckerberg's character and the other computer nerd, or genius, whatever you want
to call him, they're like in the computer lab and they're like trying to figure out
if this girl is single or not and they're like "relationship status, relationship status,
we need to figure — we need to add that to — you know." And so the guy is like "oh OK I'll go write
the code" and he like runs off to write the computer code for the relationship status
aspect of Facebook and I laughed because I was like "little did they know that one little
code would cause so many people agony." So that wasn't fun, ‘cause keep in mind
I hadn't left that long before and we were talking about marriage and now he's officially
in a relationship with. And, now let me just say, it's not wrong that
he's already dating someone, people do that. But I was shocked. I was shocked. And so the adrenaline starts pumping through
me and I'm like [panting sounds] so much so that I forgot that my ankle was broken and
I ran up two flights of rickety chalet stairs two at a time and then sprinted down the hallway
to my friend's Erin's and busted open the door and she's like — she sat up — I still
remember, she had like drool on her mouth. She's like "what, what, what?" And I was like — she said I was like white,
probably because I had never exerted that much energy in the past few weeks. I'm like — I couldn't talk I was like [panting
sounds] I was like, "He's dating someone!" And she was like, "Get a grip!" No, she didn't say that. She was empathetic on the outside but I'm
sure she was thinking that on the inside. But I'm like "what" — I just couldn't believe
it, and then a week later I get an email from him where he was kind enough to tell me all
about her and how different we were and what a blessing she was
to him. It's true. So naturally I go to, "Oh, oh, OK so she's
a blessing. What am I a curse?” OK now they're on Facebook and I'm gonna have
to see their engagement photos and then their wedding photos and then their little kids
and why, God? You know, going like nine years down the road. But I was — I had lots of questions. I had those, you know, surfacey questions
about what I'd have to see on Facebook but then I had real, heavy questions that I had
penned in my journal for God and for my ex of things that I did not understand. The questions were like no other season in
my life, it didn't make sense. And about that time I started getting stronger
and stronger on my crutches and eventually, I got to a point where I could crutch down
into the middle of the village. Now again, I've told you it's a very small
village. All there is in this village is a bunch of
chalets and this one little chapel and some cows. You don't even, like, see Alp people, it's
just very small and so I would crutch down in the snow with my spikes and I would get
down all the way to the little chapel. And it was so picturesque, I mean it was like
just one little aisle and some pews and stained glass windows and it was always open, and
literally all you could hear in there was like the ticking of the clock. Probably like the falling of the snow. I mean it was very storybook. And so I would take my journal and I would
crutch down there, and I knew nobody was gonna go in there so I just like would lay down
in the aisle on my back with my arms out and my crutches next to me, like literally if
somebody had opened the door they would be like "I'm in the middle of a horror film,
this is weird. There's a girl crying on her back like this
and she's got spikes next to her, this is, this is weird." But nobody came in, thankfully, and I just
laid there and I talked audibly to God. And I, I read my questions from my journal
and I literally — it was such an intimate time with me and God that I literally felt
like I was gonna audibly hear Him back. I'm like, "Just talk. I won't, I won't tell anybody. Just talk back to me. Tell me these answers." And, and I was really expecting to hear Him
audibly, and I didn't, but I did — you know when you get that sense upon your soul and
something comes into your head that you realize it is from God? And I wanted these questions answered and
I sensed God going "you know what, Joy? I'm not gonna answer these questions right
now. And some of 'em, I'm never gonna answer." And I was like, "What? No?" He goes, "But I want to know from you, do
you trust me? Do you trust me where you're at right now? Do you trust that I'm good? And more importantly, do you trust that I
love you?" And I had to wrestle with that, because again
I wasn't feeling it and I had to go back to that childhood song and go, "Do I believe? Do I know that Jesus loves me? Because I am really, really not feeling it." And so I know some of you out there have wounds
that are far deeper than a breakup. And I know that we can get to a place where
our wounds are so deep that it causes us to start questioning God's goodness. And start questioning if He loves us, and
deep down some of you are going "I don't even know if I really believe in this at all anymore." So I want to challenge you because I think
pain and tragedy, unless you numb yourself to the pain and tragedy can actually be a
really good catalyst to asking these questions. So start now. Start asking the question: Do I believe in
Scripture? And if you come to some tough spots, go to
your professors, go to your friends, talk it through. In the framework of God's heart, which I believe
is love, ask if you, if you believe that God is good, ‘cause these trials are gonna come. And ask if God loves you. I believe that I have the answer, and I pray
— I know you guys are gonna hear like, you guys are gonna hear like seven billion different
chapel talks, OK? You're gonna forget this talk, you're gonna
forget me, but I want to tell you one thing right now that I hope you remember forever
and it's the answer to that question, does God love me? And I pray that when you're alone and you're
very sad or you're low that you hear the whisper of maybe a tone-deaf little 5-year-old girl
singing — I pray that it's not that — but I pray that this comes into your spirit, and
it is this. And it is an answer that I know, which is
Jesus loves you. This I know for the Bible tells me so. Thank you.
