Journey Home - 2017-11-06 - Sr. Miriam James Heidland, Solt

[Music] good evening and welcome to the journey home I'm Marcus Grodi your host for this program once again you and I get to sit and relax and hear the story of how the Holy Spirit has touched someone in this case brought her back to the church our guest is sister Miriam Jane's hide 'land Solt well have you explained that a little bit we would call for want of a better word or revert and it's a wonderful pleasure to have your sister bank thank you Texas what part of Texas Corpus Christi the hot south still even in the fall are you jumping they wonder how many people live in that town and really don't know what the name stands for I somebody was just telling me the other day they think it's the only town in the world actually named Corpus Christi yeah but most people don't have the body of Christ and all the towns on California where people don't know at all San Francisco anyway let me bow out of the way we'd love to hear your story let's get started way back okay yes well I grew up Catholic probably you know just like a lot of people and my parents were wonderful wonderful people my mother is a German farm girl at heart so in the heart of Texas and so she grew up speaking German at home and they went to Mass every day and they prayed the rosary in German and my dad converted to marry my mother and so they were both very faithful very wonderful people and so my my brother and I came along and they raised us very well and part of our life was going to Sunday Mass we always went to Sunday Mass a rosary in English it's about 20 minutes in German is it much longer she was talking about how they would get on their knees every night and all the kids would pray the rosary in German and so that was like 7:30 and dad was like you're doing this I mean I always made to be German kids I just amazingly intelligent because they can speak German yeah absolutely amazing did you as a young Catholic going through the hoops did you have a faith no I had never fallen in love with Jesus I didn't know about his ardent love from I had no idea and so I went to CCD and and just kind of you know you graduate through the sacraments right but I had no idea that Jesus Christ is alive and well that he loved me I didn't know that at all no not because somebody never told well you know I'm sure it just had never had an encounter with him and for me for a long time it seemed more about the rules which are even distorted even that like you talk about the quote-unquote rules of Catholicism and most of us don't know the why behind the what anyway that Christianity is rational it is beautiful right but for me it was about learning rules and how do you fall in love you don't fall in love with something like that so I I quickly fell in love with sports that was my first love actually it's a little girl even and so I played volleyball for a long time in my life and when I was a senior in high school I was recruited to play volleyball at a division-one University and so I had a full scholarship and I signed for a full ride and I went to college and played volleyball Wow yes and I wanted to work for ESPN and that was what I was going to do with my life so yeah someone says you they were roofed you know and now that all the college athletes I mean I'm five foot ten which is really average for a volleyball player but now there's six foot to six foot four six six and so when I watch college volleyball now I mean they're all bigger faster stronger the game has progressed like all college athletics have yeah still have sports to this day when I speak about it I often you'll hear me talk about sports and the pursuit of excellence you know a six-person team or a - and Sam know I'm awful in Sandy would never fix indoor indoors my favorite yes and so it's you know Division one athletics or business and so you learned that very quickly when you sign a scholarship and so I learned a lot I learned a lot in those years yeah we yeah we burned out discuss all complicated it really is on a number of levels it's a beautiful thing but I I mean yeah so this is not as talked about sports yeah I'd love to talk about that but uh but so yes so I went to college and I was 800 miles away from my parents and I was finally quote-unquote free and I was like you're not gonna tell me what to do anymore because I really thought God was just sucking the fun out of my life and God was only there to make you feel bad about yourself and tell you that you're an awful person so I said well I'm not gonna I'm not gonna have anything to do with that and I didn't and so I lived very much of what your typical college student would probably live but because I had so much brokenness in my childhood my problems were complicated by a lot of sorrow and trauma in my life and so at a time in my life where I thought I had everything when I was really honest with myself I saw that my life was exceedingly broken exceedingly broken and I was looking for love and I mean I'm here today in your studio because of authentic love intervened in my life and saved me and I know that through and through and that is a message that I preached to the ends of the world is that I believe in authentic love because that's what heals broken love and that's what happened to me we're at you stage in your journey where you you've left it all the faith mm-hmm I can't help but just wait to see what those baptismal grace is because they were there right amen yes you know just recently my my youngest granddaughter was baptized and the reason I say that is I'm sitting there and the sanctuary thinking that nothing looks different yes but this little loved creature of God was changed as you were way back when even though you intellectually had not discovered Jesus even though all the things were there the information was around the sacraments you went through all the sacramental oh yes yeah so there you are you've left at all yeah I just I didn't go to church anymore like regularly at all and just indulge in a life of just deep sin and brokenness my own desire for love but yes the indelible mark I'd love to talk about the indelible mark on the soul because that forever mark she was being gods son or daughter and that's your deepest identity and for a long time I thought my identity was volleyball player it was wanting to pursue excellence it was this or this of this my achievements or even my broken is like victim of this but that's not my deepest identity its daughter of God that is Who I am and so I had a very long I would say my college years just one of the ways that I got his worked through in my life I believe the heart is broken open by beauty suffering and love those are the things that break a heart open and for me especially the area of suffering just out of my own brokenness and just what had happened to me broke my heart wide open and so many times in life I just said there has to be more to life in this was there incidents in your past that you we don't need to talk about them on the show but what you're saying is that there were things that happened oh yes yes definitely I and I talk about that in my book I talk about it and this talks that I give because there's a saying I Mack rubbing alcoholic and so there's a saying of the 12-step program that we're only as sick as our secrets and every family has secrets don't they and so many times we grow up in life and we go to church and we have like a church life over here we have work over here and then we've got all this other brokenness here and we're just trying to manage and life is not meant to be managed just meant to be lived to the full and so it's not until Christ really came into my life and through a lot of therapy and a lot of healing from sexual abuse as a child from rape from all kinds of things in my life of alcoholism that my life began to become more integrated and I became more fully alive and that's a journey that happens even to this very moment as I sit here the and that's I believe holiness the integration of the human person and God's love and how he just continues to move us into to delight in us yeah you weren't thinking this way back then though the wounds of your past that were affecting you at this time in college were you aware of them I wasn't no I didn't have that much self awareness and I thought to myself well I you know many times people that have trauma in their lives there's there's things that you can't even admit to yourself many times those the memories are repressed or things like that but for me I thought well that happened to me as a little girl and Here I am nineteen twenty twenty-one and I'm struggling I didn't want to admit it but I didn't understand how those things were correlating or how my current behavior was just manifesting deep wounds from the past because that's what addiction is addiction the behavior is up here but the wound is always way way down here and so until the wound is healed you will continue to manifest behavior right but once the wound is healed then I don't have to manifest the behavior anymore that's that's healing to the core and so yeah that was something that happened to me over the course of many years but no at the time I would not have been able to if you would have asked me how you doing I would have been all could missing like really great being successful on the court and there you are yeah there you focus on that and then take it all in and yes all right what starts to happen what happens is I begin to hit rock bottom and what God does for me because he loves me he sends somebody into my life that will ultimately change the trajectory of my life and I was a Catholic priest and father had been a priest a long time he had been a priest a long time and he just decided out of his own just love he decided to spiritually father me and his I just I love the priesthood have such a deep love for the priesthood just for men that give their lives like that it's such a sacred gift a revelation of God's love for his people and father came alongside me in my life and he just started asking me questions like what do you want out of life like how's that working for you can like doctor feel like hey you know yeah I'm sorry I didn't mean earth but I'm trying to imagine you being in that situation being open to the priest yes and you know the funny thing is it's shocking isn't it because that's a grace because my mother made me meet him my mom you know he was starting a lady size shape group called disciples of Jesus and Mary for my religious community my soul community and so my parents became lay disciples of Jesus and Mary and he was giving him teachings on discipleship and so they kept telling him about their daughter who's in college as a volleyball player and I did not want to have anything to do with it I said this is this is dumb I don't want to do this until one day I'd come off from spring break and if father was at the airport as well and my mother drugged me all over the airport until she found it and she took me I mean I'm 510 but she grabbed me by the shoulders and she shoves me in front of him and she's like father this is our daughter and at that moment he just he's an Indian priests like six foot two really big guy and he looked at me and he actually he looked away and I later on I realized what he was doing but then he looked at he turned back to me he just gave me this big hug and it was at that moment he just decided to be my friend and it was very unnerving at first I was like what are you you know but it was like that it was really a model of accompaniment where he came to meet me where I was and he challenged me to something more and his witness of how he lived his life I believe in the power of personal witness and I had never met anybody that holy and I think you know we think holiness is something weird or awkward or kind of your holiness is the girl I'm sure he did probably when nobody was looking but no no and we do that we think somehow it's a truncated version of humanity but it's not it's the fullness of humanity and he was captivating and I can tell many times when he would look at me that I could see Christ looking at me and I'd never met anybody who was that sold out for God and Here I am by the time I was 21 in him he mentored me for many years but by the time I was 21 22 and Here I am an alcoholic in my life is a mess I remember looking at him one day saying I got it I don't know what that is like you radiate something and I don't know what that is but I want that I want that so how many years before that had you been associated with him couple years yes a couple years yes and he yeah like we're keeping them I was keeping to a distance but he would speak into my life and he would always get he would tell me the truth whether I wanted to hear it or not which was hard but he loved me and that's what love does and I knew he loved me that's why I could bear it at least I wouldn't always follow his advice but I would give him a hearing whereas my poor mom and I were just hitting heads so much that I wouldn't even give her a hearing you know because we were just both so brother to your mother at this yeah trying to keep him away practising alcoholic during that time we a stuff yeah definitely full-on and I wouldn't have been able to tell you that either I just thought I was having a good time but now knowing what I know all these years of sobriety I'm like oh my gosh what a mess what am I like what a mess right so it's an honor to accompany people have addictions because you know the pain right and you know the story and yeah so so you get to the point and our guest is sister Miriam Hyland yes Solt yes look at that but you are at the stage where grace is starting to say there's something in this person yeah oh yeah it took two years off for you to get there it was interesting yes and it's only used yeah okay yes and so I was a senior in college and had to finish playing volleyball and I was graduating and you know when you work in the media you always start about the ground up so I was already interning at like a public relations firm at a TV station and a radio station in Reno Nevada where I played volleyball and I was going to go home to my parents live near Portland Oregon so I was gonna go home and just start interning at a radio station just to see you know maybe one day it could work for ESPN that's what I wanted to do and I graduated and father said you know before you do that why don't you just come down to New Mexico we have a mission down here and just just come and spend some time here and I would have never done that for anybody because I'm not a missionary girl I'm like nordstrom all my mom lasted this days just like look at your life I'm like I know it's a sure testament of grace I would have never done I never wanted to be a missionary I never I just I wanted to be rich and famous and like I'm not doing that but I love father and I knew he loved me and so there was a beautiful mission down there and I oh I thought I was crazy I was like what am i doing this is crazy and so I went down there and I just spent some time there and it was a silence because I could never be silent because when it was silent and all these things would start to come to the surface so I always was distracted but there were there were no distractions there and it was shortly after that that I I heard Jesus call me to be his bride I had a disdain of grace where God pierced my soul and this he told me this was my destiny and my life made sense I was like yeah oh I'm trying to imagine you're still a practice alcoholic yeah at that time yep and so you hear this voice and it was like an interior knowledge yeah so not only did our Lord give you the information but a receptivity to it yeah you say that yes it was a I can honestly tell you it was a moment of sheer grace I was 22 like I said barely going to church on Sunday I mean it was so I was so fragile like a fragile little bird really and God he's just very kind to me and I at that moment when God revealed that truth to me I just knew I I just knew in my soul sometimes I liken it to a math problem that you've been working on and that you didn't get it and all of a sudden you say and it was just I just it was a sheer moment of grace whereas this is he was calling me to be his bride and this is why I was so unhappy in my life is because I was trying to do something outside my heart was just made different and I didn't know that and so he gave me a choice to say yes to that or not and part of me I was terrified you know I had never I did not grow up with sisters I didn't know I had sound of music was like the only I didn't know young vibrant fun sisters and so for me the sheer invitation to be his bride was the best invitation did you understand that's what he meant I didn't like I I knew that in my heart what that I was looking for love I could have articulated that to you and all this string of relationships that I had that was the deepest core I wanted to give myself totally in love and to receive somebody totally in love forever and I that I could have told you so I knew he was asking that kind of relationship for me I didn't know of course all the dynamics of the bride groom bride relationship especially as a spouse of Christ I didn't know that but that heart of love you know the authentic love was what I was looking for and that's what he was offering well okay so you're down there the primary goal is to teach the poor how to play volleyball I'm just trying to like his take state like saying I think at that point yeah in the midst of that okay yeah he just because it was just a mission there where our men novices were there so we had eleven men that were there as novices and sisters there and like I said it was the first experience of like what are you guys doing here like oh wow people like they're young people that are cool and that are holy I mean I know it sounds silly doesn't it but I that was so outside of my paradigm I had never met anybody like that or to see how do you pursue virtue like how do you pursue excellence and so I stayed there for a year about a and then at that time I entered like our first stage of a Spirent sea at that point where father because he was a filly with the community had sisters there I could enter and just live the life of the sisters and I'm sure they had lots of stories to tell about that yeah well it's one thing to have an awakening spiritually in your heart to a vocation yes getting broke from addiction is not as easy it's not so what happened at that point I mean you're so you're open I guess to the spiritual life you really probably can't put it into words of what this all means yes we also confront at the same time with this other aspect of your life I wasn't because I wasn't ready to go there yet okay and so god I guess you could say in his pedagogy write of how God teaches he unfolded that over time and there were just moments of life where I thought when I enter religious life that all my problems would go away right when you go to a new state of life you think okay so now I'm it's all gonna be wonderful from here out and what I was faced with was the deep broken parts of myself and in religious life like you said like I said you don't have as many distractions and so you're faced with community life I have an older brother but he was gone a lot when I was older so I was kind of like an only child for certain years of my life so I didn't have to share anything I didn't have to you know living a community with women was I didn't have any sisters you know it was a totally different and then all the prayer and all the honesty that requires of you and the receiving the sacraments daily you know it just yeah it was a completely changing like it just completely radically changed my life and I think that I tried for a long time to kind of put the facade on that like the holiness facade if I'm just gonna be fine now but just like you know there's a saying in healing circles that suffering that is not transformed as transmitted okay suffering not transformed as transmitted so because I had so much suffering in my life that had not been transformed all I was doing was just transmitting my brokenness on to people because I didn't know how else to do that and I'm very selfish and self-centred trying to take care of myself and the awareness of the other person is very dim right and so God really just and he's he's just so I'm just used how kind goddess does like the kindness of Jesus he's so kind like that's what I say Paul says that kind of said Lord and leads to repentance but like his heart for us and how he respects you and I and how he just reverence is our person and how he draws close to us and he'll speak things when it's time he began to start speaking things that I couldn't deny any more of just areas where I finally had to admit to myself what had happened which was a huge first step and then I told my superior and she was helping me with like the abuse from the background and then I was dealing with clinical depression for many years and that was then it was the next step right so it's been my motto and life honestly is go big or go home so I am in it to win it and like whatever God is doing in my life whatever healing I need whatever kind of truth I need bring it on and so that's been many many years of authentic Lord heal me and set me free when you're struggling with depression he was drugging with addiction and at the same time by grace you're open to the voice of the Lord it can be hard to figure out where those voices are coming from that you're dealing with on the inside yeah especially if they're not just clear joyful you know they can be very dark night of the soul ish so you're wondering is that a lord or is that devil or what's the spiritual battle going on because it's a battle for your soul yes CS Lewis describes and Screwtape Letters you know it's a battle going on how do you deal with that I think that you need help from the outside and for me that was you know we talked about being sick in our secrets for me that the next right step was starting to talk to people about it and father it was my spiritual director that heard of the priests that mentored me and so I had people in my life that I started to speak to yeah you can't I think it's Christa fanuc that says your mind is like a bad neighborhood don't go in there alone you know could you just you know we all do that and it's not until we have somebody from the outside come in and say and you lay it all out like that just happened yesterday in the airport my spiritual director I'm on the phone and he's telling me truth and I'm crying in O'Hare Airport and he's telling me all this he was laying out my soul because he I couldn't see it and so we'd need help like we need to turn to people everybody from confessors as spiritual directors to good mentors to counsellors to people that are walking on journey with us that love us yeah because they help us discern right because we can't always see it we can't only see it I'm gonna throw an idea to you vocational discernment it's a journey and many of us begin with if you're in asking the Lord if that's even a part of the equation this is Lord I want to be a doctor Lord I want to be a valuable champion Lord I want to do this I want to do that I want to do that but for the Lord to truly move us we need to get to the points in Lord I'll just do whatever you want me to do Lord what do you want me to do what do you want me to do but there's that you realize even that question can be self-centered it can be locally want me to do what do you want me to do it needs it it's just got to be him does that describe your own journey and all oh definitely definitely it isn't that the way of love that's the way of the beloved right there is you know - will the good of the other - delay in the other and I I loved Bishop Robert Barron and I've been very captivated by talk he gave when he was talking about Aquinas and then the human person and he said you know when the true God comes close we become radiant and luminous we are not destroyed in competition he said The Closer that God draws close to us the more radiant and the more human we become and how often do we think that God draws close to us to take something from us as if it's like a truncation of the human person but but like you said when the beloved approaches all he wants to do is give God his pure gift right and all we can do is receive a so that's very true why did you get this little girl part of me well I was thinking about that that's funny you'd say that because I've been meditating on people's stories and I don't know about you but I just meditate on kind of just like why do people just seem to suffer and why do some people have different things and I don't know the answer to that question but I can tell you that like I said that I really believe beauty love and suffering break the heart wide open and there are things that have happened to me in my life the things that I've done that I would never wish on anybody but I can tell you that my life my heart has been broken wide open and I wouldn't have it and other way right I would have it no other way then have the heart wide open to love and kindness yeah scripture tells us there did our Lord desires all to be saved and come to the gloria of hill to come to the truth we know it says that so we believe that God does give grace a certain level of grace to everybody but he but it's free it's free or we're free to respond right yeah he doesn't force us sometimes though and giving actual grace to people he can give a little nudge more as he did to you we don't know that but still even then you were free to respond oh yes always you're always free and I I remember you know being 22 like I said in and just entering the convent and I remember father you know the priest that mentor me looked at me he was like are you sure he's like you're sure this is what you want to do and even though I said I just was so young like I said and just so really just fresh off the applecart so to speak I just had this moment that I knew that if I didn't do it then I wouldn't do it later and so it was like like you said it was God's kind of saying like I love you so much and I really want to help you out here so you know this might seem like a huge leap of faith for you and a lot of people thought it was crazy you know they said oh my gosh why are you wasting your life what a waste of your life why would you go be a nun that's such a waste and but I just knew it was such an just that's the kindness of God it's just such a deep interior knowledge but no I'm I was totally free and still am the right aren't we all like we can and that's the that's the mystery of freewill isn't it right once I was told that my camera where I read it but the difference between a diocesan priest and a religious priest no this isn't exactly right but it's a kind of right that one of the distinctions are that a diocesan priest primarily in his vocation is there for the service of the holiness of the people in the congregation mm-hmm he's there too where as a religious priest is in community for His Holiness for his I've heard that distinction yeah that the people are sanctified through His Holiness versus he sanctified through their the gift of himself when a man drives a discerner my Calder diocesan priest or what's got calling me or two religious priests well often the reason you're going to religious priests in that community you can seek holiness yourself your own through the community living in community where a diocese in priests it's not that he's not called to be holy but his primarily focuses their holiness that's true okay I'm not sure that that breaks down exactly that way but for a woman going into religious life certainly you're charism is gonna and we'll talk about solt when get back after the break but yet the reason at the core God was calling you into that was for your holiness right that's it that's a good question I because it's a gift to the world right love is always given as a gift but I think that in calling me to himself as his bride of that witness of love it's a manifestation of his love to the world so it's a revelation of his love but I I just do have the distinct just this distinct mark upon my soul that he's chosen me for himself and that's and that's the eschatological sign of religious life that God is all in all right and that's that's why bypass is a sacramental economy there are no sacraments in heaven right so religious life is a sign here and now a participation of the life all of us will live in heaven when Jesus's our everything we'll talk about let's just talk about that because especially if we have non Catholic viewers so let's pause right there and went back just a moment with a sister Miriam [Music] [Music] [Music] welcome back to the journey home I'm your host Marcus Grodi and our guest is sister Miriam James Highland Solt okay so solt yes the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity okay yeah tell us more mother yes founded in 1958 my father James Flanagan and we have pre sisters and laity in our community serving in areas of deepest apostolic need so we serve as a team so we come into a dicey set the behest of a bishop and serve as a team and witness that the charism of relationship so you do what the bishop wants you to do or waging or we actually will do but pretty much what the bishop asks so we serve a lot of very poor parishes we serve parishes in you know out and kind of the outskirts of diocese we have emissions here in the US we do a lot of parish ministry but we also have a huge mission in the Philippines and in Thailand so for example in Thailand we have a drug rehabilitation center in Mexico we have a Senior Center and a home for children so it really depends on what the needs the deepest Apostolic needs are and we try to to fill that yeah all right all right all right I wanted a few things let's let's talk about your journey uh I'm going to talk about your vocation your call to vocation so we can say we've got somebody out there wondering yeah well I'd love to get it I'd love to get a stone tablet down from the Lord to tell me what to do you know it it always that easy something I'd like us to talk about but I also wanted you to talk about the issue of suffering lot of our wonderful brothers and sis non Catholic brothers and sisters that might be watching you were using language they may not be used to talking about that the spiritual life three ways of the spiritual life which I imagine is a good part of your yes you know growing in holiness talk a little bit about that how do you explain that to someone who loves Jesus but has not been brought up in our tradition doesn't understand Catholic spirituality how do you help them move forward I think that we just look at the life of Christ obviously God does not will suffering God does not will he can't will got his and suffering is a deprivation of good right so but as we know st. Agustin says that God would never allow any evil in our life to happen if he did not plan to bring a greater good out of it so because of sin because of brokenness in the world we all suffer and that suffering is not the end of the story it is not the last chapter of our book it is not the end of the story and when we turn that suffering over to God and I allow God to come and redeem it sometimes it's instantaneously healed sometimes I might struggle with it for many years but God will always use that for resurrection for beauty for good and so we're not a people quote/unquote of suffering but suffering is as a I don't know it's a necessary evil I wouldn't say that but it's a reality in our life this side of heaven that's beautifully rich in grace if we allow God to transform that and we see that in his own life right out of the deepest sorrow comes the greatest thing ever so it's a patterning of his own life in his mysterious plan yeah well there's that difficult to understand Scripture at Colossians 1:20 for I rejoice in my suffering so weird isn't it you know and complete what is lacking yes in the suffering of Christ for the good of the church and he hasn't been rough for translation but that's one that a lot of non-catholics don't quite know what to do with I didn't know what to do when I was a Presbyterian pastor with this idea of completing what's lacking in rejoicing in it yes but completing what is lacking in the suffering of Christ for the good of the body yes talk about that so how does God does it on the one hand will that suffering but it seems to me it's more than his allowing it because he recognizes the importance of suffering yes for our growing to become like him it is it's an avenue of grace it's an avenue of the conforming to his heart his heart is pierced open and I really think it's an avenue of grace I I what if the image that comes to my mind is the strengthening of the body you know so God in His mysterious plan allows things to happen and grace flows out of that like his crucifixion and grace flows out through the whole world it was it doesn't stay and maintain it's not here and so you and I I don't know how you see your suffering or how you suffering but so often in my life I see myself with the foot of the cross and I see these areas of suffering in my life and many times I can just see myself standing there and just taking these pieces and like giving them to the Lord and just uniting them to his because it's his right but it's my own little way of participating in his life death and resurrection because he takes those and he brings beauty from them your book is loved as I am yes what's fascinating about that title I've not had the privilege of reading a book and I look forward to I didn't I didn't know bottom sorry loved as I am I remember a license plate back in the 70s maybe I found it remember that I found it was a Christian you know but I remember thinking about that well is it I found it or should it be I found him or should it be he found me theology in the words yes the theology and a few words of your title in a world that doesn't have a clue what love is yes yes go with that because you know love as I am right loved as I am in a culture that doesn't understand love at all so when you start I think that well yes our definition of love is hugely distorted and so for me that's why I always go back to the definition that love is to will the good of the other right and so God's deepest desire is to bring us into communion with himself like that's his his desire for us is to bring us you know and catechism number one it is his own blessed life right to bring us into his own beautiful life that's what he creates us and so he loves us like we're his creation and we're very beautiful to him and He loves us he approaches us as we are his love is not a performance space love and I can't tell you how many people I don't know for myself it's been a huge struggle my life like what I'm a good girl God loves me but when I don't when I'm not a good girl he doesn't love me anymore so I'm always hustling right for the father's love and that's not how a father loves he you you love your children like you as a father you love your children and they might make horrendous decisions that break your heart but you love them and your heart for them is to become to the fullness that you know they're called to be and that's when God approaches us to bring us into himself that's his heart for us he doesn't ask us to be something that were not or to say things we don't mean he you know like the Good Samaritan he just approaches us on the side of the road to bring us into communing with himself how do you move forward to do that if you're lost in an addiction and you don't recognize how much that addiction has controlling your thinking as well as your whole understanding of yourself that's why you know the 12-step program talks about bottoms like hitting bottom and I made so many parents because I speak extensively across the US and Canada in different parts of the world and part of my term my story a lot so I have so many parents that come up to me and even people now young people that come up to me that are addicted to pornography all kinds of stuff and that you know many times if his parents they say well I'm like child's away from the church like are much my kid is addicted to porn like what do I do about that and that's the mysterious thing of the human person where we offer those we pray and fast for people I highly recommend that but it's really the mysterious part of the will where you as a person come to the point to where like Jesus says when he approaches the paralytic he says do you want to be well and sometimes I don't think we're too sure I'm like can I think about that let me get it let me part of me wants to be well but not this part so until he comes to us and says do you want to be well and until I want to be well you know it's gonna be a hard sell but I think when we're very honest with ourselves all of us want to be happy nobody wants to be an addict I guarantee nobody does and we might not be uncomfortable enough yet to get help we need but all of us or we're that's why we're doing it in the first place we think it's gonna make us happy we're hardwired for happiness for joy so it's that part of like hitting bottom and then deciding you know do you want to be well so if you want to be well here's what you need to do and it's hard recovery is very hard but it's so worth it as Paul Harvey wood used to say the rest of the stories a lot of those parables because you know there's another couple examples where you know I have a person who's been lame their entire life and they support themselves by begging on the street that's what they've all they've done every day they get up and they go out and they beg on the street then they meet Jesus and they're healed yes so where do they do the next morning yeah the kid go I'm begging now they can walk and they're fine they're wells yes if I'm not a victim or if I'm not this what am I gonna be it's so weird I know and Jesus is saying you know come up higher come up higher you're called to live an abundant life yes and but we're afraid of change sometimes well like the guy with what must I do to be saved and he Jesus says after he said do all the commandments that he's I've done him he says you got to go so give it away follow me and he couldn't do it right so talk about that because that's what you did you went you sold and to this day I still do and he still keeps asking more and more yes because that's what love does and it is scary but you know however a vocation as you know very well in your own life is it's a call to love it so every person has a call to love because we're made in love by eleven for eleven so it's just a matter of whatever however you're called to love I really believe it will be it will bring God the greatest glory it will bring you the most joy it'll bring the world the most beauty when you're finally find the way that God is calling you to love because everybody every single person ever created is called to give the gift of themselves that were made to be a gift and it can be scary at times but when you say yes to it and you keep saying yes to it it becomes very beautiful John the Baptist made an amazing statement seems so simple he must increase I must decrease but is there a more profound statement no I don't think there is where we become very little and I think that's okay and Jesus becomes everything and we just become little and we just rest upon his heart and he he does beautiful things and there's such a beauty and littleness we see that there's so many of the lives of so many saints and like Saint Paul says you know I glory my weakness I'm ultimately me look how large he is right but it's God's love that magnifies him like our lady I just we recently had a feast day of our Blessed Mother and I was just thinking about her in the morning and how she has no self defense mechanisms she has no armor she has I mean her soul is so at one with God that she just magnifies his beauty she's so beautiful and I think we all want that life but we're afraid of the little deaths that it takes to and sometimes the big ones right now are you go we're just so afraid of the setting aren't you go down I see it on myself and I'm like oh lord please just come and do that because it's hard yeah well it sometimes takes a lifetime to break through all those barriers definitely that's very true and that's holiness that's the path of holiness yeah and her groans you once said that in the ways of God he who does not progress loses ground I mean if you think about that it's not like we get to a level no no you're right I wish yeah wait a second we know all the ladies that are now in those convents haven't they all arrived I wish I know we all are on a journey like might life is certainly a journey yeah all right well we have an email from MC in in Italy okay how can you fully live your faith in each instant of your ordinary life sometimes it seems that people cannot understand faith outside the church well I would like to live in Jesus each second of my life time at church at home at university what would you advise thank you very much wow that's a great question I would say that God is always present to us so at every moment he's imparting grace to us at every moment and so I think being present to our lives of work right what quite what is Jesus doing today who is he bringing into my life how am I called to bless were called to be a gift how can I be a gift to these people like how can I give the gift of myself today and moment to moment you know you're in a conversation with somebody and it's you know going wrong and you can kind of just redirect the conversation and say okay Lord I'm going to be present hey that's that's really faith isn't just meant to be lived out Sunday Mass like God forbid we just leave it there so the calling boots animation of the human person where Jesus Christ comes to radiate his beauty within us and so if it is that it is the date of a little things that we do with great love like Saint res says it's really true it's the day-to-day things that I can put love there and allow God to come and just heal me and work with me there and just surprise me right in the day to day lives yeah that is a great challenge in mystery because we do most of us I can't speak really by myself but most of us live our lives as if we're going to live forever here in this world we're just going to keep on going yes but we're also encouraged delivered live every day as if it's our last how do you how do you do that when the truth is most of us will live a bit longer yeah we will live months years Audia that make that temptation our Lord said many many times that you don't know if the homeowner is going to return tonight you don't know so you got to be ready as if this is the last day but how do you do that day after day after day after day after day and I'm wondering if one of the keys to that is the other things that Jesus talked about is the necessity of simplicity the more our life is simple then I'm not saying that's easier but it's more manageable living this day as if it's my last for many days to come that's very true because simply simplicity makes life easy and it reminds me of what's most important so in my life is simple then I can tell you what's most important I can tell you that you know who knows when you're gonna go home I don't and not out of fear but out of like Lord what are you speaking into my life at this moment and how can I be present to that and give the gift of yourself but when my life is complicated and cluttered and distracted then it's it's hard because you do you lose your mind into these all these illusions that are have nothing to do with anything but yeah the simplicity so important yeah especially if you're well if you're a husband or wife in charge of a large family and you've got kids and you've got a future the stuff you know but I got to live this day as if it's my last day well how do you balance that okay and the simpler life can be yes the more manageable by grace the distance and the immediate can be brought together the simplicity in our Lord encouraged us to do that I mean that's what it's all sermon on the mount about is that call the simplicity you know the email Agnes from San Francisco have there been any specific women spiritual writers or Saints who have impacted your life journey in a special way on a related note how do you see the Catholic Church as affirming the specific dignity of women through her Saints and teachings oh that's a great question yes jesus loves women God loves women right were made in His image and likeness and yes I think to two of my favorite Saints are st. Catherine of Siena and Saint Hildegard oh I love them both just these beautiful lovers and just firing women just that bring beauty so I love them I love the witness of their lives and but just also lots of different kinds of Saints of different women Saints and the church does affirm the beauty of woman she is that her feminine genius her tetanus to the person and John Paul the second said that extensively and he said you know is as a woman go into whatever work you want to but going as a woman and bring the gift of yourself bring your heart for the person bring your reverence for the human person and bring that back to the world because we as women in our gift we make the world more human right we have we're very intuitive were very intelligent we see how things work and we gather people might one of my favorite titles of our Blessed Mother is Our Lady refuge of sinners and she gathers people and she shelters them and she she reminds them of who they are and that's what we're called to do as women I'd asked you earlier well why didn't you have all this inspiration when you were a little kid there are I'm guessing parents watching maybe grandparents watching that mourn the fact that their children siblings have left the church I can't tell you how many times when I go and speak and I ask the audience how many of them have children or the best loss of Church it's unanimous so what do you say I mean what do you say to two parents - I mean you're an example of the matter what happened back then God and grace can can bring you home but what can we do well quite frankly part of my story is the sacrifice of my mother who I found out many years after into religious life when I was in college when I was playing volleyball in college my mother had finally kind of just had buttered head so much that my mother had financially cut me off and she threatened to disown me and she said if you keep doing this you will be dead to us like you will not invite for my mom to say that but my mom like she's throwing it down and so she said if you continue to date this man if you continue to do this we will disown you and I was like don't tell me what to do and so but my dad my sweet father had said nothing I wish she would have and many times when I get parish missions I'm like dad's please speak to your daughters like we need to hear from you but my dad was very sweet and kind but he didn't know how to articulate his love but my parents came to visit me in college one weekend and my dad finally saw kind of how I was living my life that was very toxic and I thought that was the end of the story but I found out many years later that that night my dad went home and my dad looked at my mother and he said to my mother I will not let her to do this I will not give her away to that man in marriage I just I won't do this and my mother was heartbroken at that time and so that night she got out of bed and in the basement of her house we have a place a statue of Our Blessed Mother and I'm in tears got on her knees I night and she gave me away to our Blessed Mother and she said she is your daughter now because there's nothing I can do for her I can't help her I can't heal her I give her to you as your daughter and my you know I'm a hundred miles away I'm an alcoholic my life is a mortal sentence a mess my mom began to fast and pray that I would become a nun Mary I'm on your show today really so I believe in the power of fasting in prayer I believe in the power of entrusting your children to our Blessed Mother who's a mother I believe in just engaging your children as people of speaking of your love to them and never giving up never never never never give up on your kids you might not see the fruit the side of heaven but God always hears your prayers never give up yeah I know I've said this on the program before but how many of us some Mundia somebody has said we you pray for my uncle sick would you pray oh yeah and then we don't it's true yeah we don't and we we say do you pray for kids oh yeah I pray for our kids but do we I mean that's yeah you know recently was ask you've done 20 years of the journey on program what's the most common reason that people convert and you can go through the long list of things but it's really grace and then you find out somebody was praying somebody was praying and that's how grace works as a result of that mary you've mentioned mary a few times talk about how our lady had her influence and was she a part of your life during those dark years I mean she was but I mean did you realize it all but at what point did she become a real major part of it I think she really became a real real person to me after I entered religious life because I had you know made my vows to Jesus and I was a spiritual mother and but I couldn't relate just out of my own brokenness to my mom I just had issues with our Blessed Mother and I just said how do you how do you relate to her people's ideas of her sometimes I think are just kind of one-dimensional and I kid you not I'm well into religious life and I got on my knees one day in front of a statue of our mother and I said I mean all right I need to know you like a fur drill I don't I need to know who you are as a woman I need to know how to be a daughter how do I be a sister how do I be a wife and a mother please tell me because I don't know and it was that prayer I can tell you that has been said many times over the years that changed my relationship with her because I saw her she's a real person you know she's not a story she's not a statue she's a real woman who really loves and who is really attuned to the Holy Spirit and she's a spousal spirit and and so I asked her I make a consecration to her every morning I consecrate myself to her Immaculate Heart and ask her to give me her beauty her humility her kindness her wisdom and what a beautiful woman what a warrior she's so fierce and she crushes the head of Satan and just her humility is such that God just his fragrance emanates from her and so she loves her children oh she goes to battle for her kids yes so I love her years ago when I had a sister on the program a viewer sent me a book that I had to read it was the book of 20 conversion stories of nuns who had left the church really and became Christians because in almost every time that they give their stories they say it was because all those years I never had the Bible until somebody gave me the Bible and I read the Bible and found Jesus well okay I'm not I'm not gonna be critical those stories I would take no fit is it possible from your experience for a sister someone in religious life to be drawn away oh yeah talk about our need to pray for women can they be in religious life and never really have developed intimacy with our Lord with our lady with Scripture how can that be missed along the way oh you're just piercing my heart right now yes there are religious and I would say priests as well that you can go through the motions and never have a living encounter of intimacy with Christ and so I really believe the spiritual attack especially because of the sign of who a religious sister is and who a priest is say for example as well but the attack is tremendous and from inside and out and just all the things that God calls you to do and it calls you to become and just all these areas of our life where you know he's always calling us to deeper intimacy so I mean I love the scriptures I immerse myself I love the Gospels I just right now the Gospel of Luke I'm like oh Lord for you speak to my heart you know I did so yes and we meet we need an encounter please pray for us that our facades will be shattered open so that we become authentic and lovers please do that because the world needs that witness of what it means to love God what it means to have God loved us because we're that's what our life is a sign up so yes we desperately need your prayers now so that we perform well that we've become lovers that we become open to the God's heart for us yeah so please because any one of us can pray the Lord's Prayer and you have not heard a word that we say Amen and don't we do that all the time yep it's very easy to do lord help us and so even when we saw the sadly the priests candle while number years ago the one thing we should thinking about is these men needed our prayers we need help they need encouragement yes because the devil is alive and well and desiring to pull people away from especially if you're a position witness I know and you know it requires us all to be very honest with our lives see suffering that's not transformed as transmitted so our secrets will eventually come out so we've got to be as Christians authentic witnesses of sincerity and honesty before God and others so our lives are integrated so you see that this integration comes out it does it always does know the emails you can squeeze this in Tami from Portland writes what is sister Miriam's sense of the spiritual radar of young adults today does she see them being drawn by the beauty and depth of the Catholic Church or are they shunning it for a more secular mindset or a related note how does she think we can best reach and minister to young adults I know young adult outreach and ministries are often sorely lacking in most parishes that's such an underserved market in the Catholic Church much to our chagrin isn't it a young adult market I think like anything like anybody else young adults are looking for authentic love and they're looking for true beauty and they're looking for a true heroic sacrifice and so when we can engage them where they are is speak their language and bring them to the like the Christianity is the excellence of the human person it is and like excellence it requires discipline it recalls all kinds of things but if we can paint the reality and they can see it living in our lives this vibrancy of Christ are going to be attracted to it but we have to be able to engage them intellectually emotionally spiritually and so that's very important and they're looking they're seeking right and they're leaving the church in droves because for a variety of reasons but it's requires you and I to become like I said very honest about our own personal witness of who Christ is to us yeah I can think of two groups yeah particularly in the local parishes that are not touched very well and you know when first John John writes about the children the young men in the and the elders three unique groups he talks about their strengths and that middle group of the young men young men and women are the strength of the church in the Catholic Church at a local level they might have teen groups they might have college groups they might have young married groups but they often we miss the young men and women that don't go to college how do they fit goodbye and then or when those come back from college and they don't get married that's yes that's very where do they fit they go to Mass on Sunday but where what do we have to reach out to them we got a lot of work to do I agree with you that's very true that's very true Twitter at one groovy nun handle at signed one groovy nun she's the author of loved as I am sister Marian what a pleasure our prayers are with you and those of you watching thank you again for joining us on the journey home I do pray that her journey is an encouragement to you god bless you see you next week [Music]

Channel: EWTN

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Length: 56min 10sec (3370 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 06 2017