Jordan Peterson: The Ideal Woman & overcoming fears

it's with our fantasy that we first meet the unknown right well look say you're going out with a new person it's like what do you do you project a fantasy on them and then you fall in love with the fantasy and aren't you stupid because you're gonna find out that the match between your damn fantasy and the actual person is tenuous at best and so young would call that a projection of either the anima or the animus you know the anima is what a man projects onto a woman he finds desirable it's like oh she's the perfect woman it's like well how do you know that you've like seen her for four seconds you know but it grips you and the same thing happens in the opposite direction and it's an action of instinct you know it's like you fall in love with the image and but I interestingly enough what you do in a relationship that works is that you actually I think that what you see it's a rough approximation when you project the ideal and fall in love with it you see what could be it could be that but it's going to take you a hell of a lot of work because like you got no shortage of flaws and the other person has no shortage of flaws and so you're bringing your flaws together and that's going to produce a lot of friction and you're gonna have to engage in a lot of dialogue before you approach that level of perfection again but maybe you can do it then you get to live happily ever after well would not be nice well so the unconscious meets the unknown and it meets it with imagination and fantasy and dream and art that's how you take so you don't just go from what you don't know to fully articulated knowledge in one bloody leap you can't do that you have to extend sudo pods of fantasy and imagination into the unknown that's kind of what theorizing is like right even scientifically you know you don't know something scientifically you generate a theory well it's an imaginative representation that your unconscious is helping you generate and so you meet the unknown with fantasy that's what the unconscious is for from the psychoanalytic perspective that's what dreams do and you can see why you dream about the future you know it's like well what's the future going to be like well you have a little imaginative story going on and it's like you don't really create it it's sort of you watch it unfold you know maybe you could tweak it here and there but it sort of comes to you from wherever the hell things like that come from you know the unconscious that's the psychoanalytic answer it's not really much of an answer because it's more like a representation of a place that we don't understand but that's where creativity comes from and I mean some people are really creative right down to the bloody core so in my clinical practice I often see people who are high in openness because they're attracted to me because they watch my lectures and you have to kind of be high in openness to like my lectures so because well you do because they go everywhere you know and and they're not necessarily very orderly so so anyways lots of my clients are really high in openness and they're funny people often especially if they're smart because sometimes they have the most nihilistic intelligence you can imagine it's just self-critical and nihilistic and brutally brutal man and smart and so they just criticize themselves out of existence and so often I have to just try to get them to quit listening to their chattering right self-critical rationality and go out and create something you know with their massive creativity and as long as they're doing that they're engaged in the world and happy as hell but as soon as that self-critical rationality comes in and shuts down the creativity they're just they're just like walking corpses you know and it's because if you're really open like that's you're a tree and it has some trunks and you know your your most prominent trait is the most lively trunk and if you're a creative person and you're not engaging in a creative enterprise you're just you're like a tree that that has been that has had its vitality amputated and so this is not trivial this stuff is this is deeply deeply deeply rooted in your biology and and those are people often who have like dream lives you just can't believe I have one client he has like four spectacular dreams a week and most of the time we just spend discussing them if he and I had another client who could be lucid in her dreams which is more common among women she could ask the damn characters what they represented and they would tell her it was like okay that was pretty weird and like a lot of the things they told her were really helpful and they were not things that she wanted to hear she she basically one of them told her she if she was gonna live she'd have to go visit a slaughterhouse and the reason for that was because she was raised as a little princess and protected from horrible mother nature until she hit puberty in which time she turned into an evil villain because that's how the family worked perfect child evil teenager overnight and then well that was hard on her and she wasn't prepared because she thought the world was princess world and you know she couldn't go through a butcher store without having a fifth and no wonder you know it's no wonder but you do it but she couldn't so we used to go to butcher stores and that would make her cry and and that she was a vegetarian that would make her cry and you know bemoan the cruelty of the world and it's like yeah fair enough man those are bloody slabs of meat it's like I don't know why everyone isn't screaming when they walk through the butcher store but but you got to get used to it man cuz you can't live in the world otherwise and so the dream character who was a gypsy told her that she had to go visit a slaughterhouse which seemed rather impractical and so I asked her if she could think of anything else to do and she saw it well why don't we go visit a funeral home and and watching him bombing and I thought oh how good that sounds that sounds like a fun way to spend the day and so I phoned up a funeral parlor and I said I had a client who was terrified of death yeah and I was a therapist who was also a little shaky on the concept myself and so they they had no problem with that they deal with death all the time which is really something to think about right a human being can actually have an occupation where they do nothing but deal with death and they don't go stark raving mad it's like what the hell's up with that it's like working in a palliative care ward where your your clients that you you know have a relationship all they're going to do is I this week next week the week after people do that it's like those people are tough man they're tough so anyways we went and watched this embalming which was I have a rather high level of disgust sensitivity so it was a little on the rough side for me but she sat there and first while she was not look we were outside this little room she was not looking at that man no way and she kind of go like this and you know that was pretty good and then she'd go like this and then she go like this and then then she watched it and then she asked if she could go in and she put on the gloves and she touched the body and she didn't have a fit she didn't have a panic attack and so she walked away from there learning that there was a hell of a lot more to her than she thought there was and that she could see things that she didn't think she could see and live and after that she sort of had a touchstone it's like well I'm kind of afraid of this well is it as bad as going to see the abomino it's not that bad well I guess I can do it it's like an initiation right she had an initiation and so did I you know and I learned a lot from doing that I learned that one of the things you need to do if you're going to be a human being is to prepare yourself to be useful in the face of death

Channel: Essential Truth

Views: 997,585

Keywords: Jordan Peterson, Jordan B Peterson, ideal woman, overcoming fears, Essential Truth, Psyche Matters, Thearchangel911, Transliminal, Ideacity, manofallcreation, Philosophyinsights, dose of truth, perfect woman, dating, understanding yourself, MagiCal HD, Jocko Podcast, H3 podcast, Rebel Wisdom, Steven Crowder, Gad Saad, Ramble, Intense 5, M Czerna, Gravitahn, Depression, overcoming depression, dating advice, Evan carmichael, The Rubin Report

Id: m6pEPZmpAn0

Length: 7min 59sec (479 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 24 2018