Joe's Sculpture Model, David's Shoe Stealer or Nish's Volleyball Friend? | Joe Lycett

this is my friend Amy and I grossly offended her when I made a less than perfect sculpture of her head Nish how do you know Amy uh this is my friend Amy we became friends after I found her asleep in a box of volleyballs finally David what is your relationship with Amy this is Amy she is the charity shop worker who sold my shoes whilst I was otherwise engaged trying on a pair of cowboy boots Lee where do you want to start Nish what you remind us again Nish uh she I found her in a box of volleyballs first of all where were you where there was a box of volleyball I was working at a Leisure Center uh just after I left school um and Amy was also working there over the summer between school and uni and um they sent me to check on the volleyballs check on the volleyball that's a good job from you guys make sure the volleyball's AR messing around your manager recently been watching Toy Story I believe the technical term was conduct inventory so I was count them yeah you're supposed to count them and it turned out that what she was doing was because no one really wanted to play volleyball she had found the perfect spot to have a mid workep how big was this box it was like woman's size could she stretch woman's size she heard you've heard of a volleyball coffin that's how they transport volleyball yeah so you opened it up and you saw a sleeping woman amongst all these volleyballs how many were there like I think probably like 35 you see you've just said to me that this box was woman sized now the largest woman I've ever seen is still smaller than 35 volleyballs I've used this as a chat upline my woman says oh I feel a bit fat in this I always go don't be silly less than 35 volleyballs for me so she did you wake her up yes and so we became friends because then I would also often have a nap in the volleyballs in the volleyballs what was her job what was she supposed to be doing at the time we perhap she was sent to count the volleyballs earlier been become bored by the monotony of the process the boss kept I keep sending people to count the volleyballs and they never come back working at the Leisure Center Nish what else did your job demand of you basically all round dog's body so I would on the front desk sometimes I thought it said all round ball games so everything except rugby yeah uh bowls David what they're not totally spherical in bowls that's why they not they I would say colloquially they're still round though oh hello it's all kicking off at Bridge Club all right who else would you like to quiz okay Joe what situation were you in in where you were sculpting her head uh we I I have an office in Birmingham where I live that'll do so uh yeah I totally believe I mean that that makes you can answer any question you like I don't mind you have an office in Birmingham yeah why why just uh to write jokes and be creative in so you went to this office to write jokes yeah and said to your friend would you like to come along long sit in the corner and I'll sculpt your head I've been looking for a use for all that clay I keep in my office had you just been watching a Lial Richie video hello so did you know how to do this no but yeah I thought practice makes perfect so I called Amy and um how long did you spend doing it maybe an hour or so weren't you tempted to just make it really soft get a face push it into it then do the back of her head and at least they're going to mold T you said she was offended by this sculpture yes she was off what did you end up with um it didn't look like her what did it look like um you look more like anley Harriet okay now what about David I'm looking forward to this what was it you claimed David that that Amy is the charity shop worker that's right oh yes who sold my shoes whilst I was otherwise engaged trying on a pair of cowboy boots can you talk us through the incident please um well I was in the charity shop which charity shop it was a a marry cury charity shop near where I live okay I'm setting the scene before this you're you're at home you're thinking it's about time I got myself some cowboy boots I'm not willing to commit to a new pair in case I go off your idea just on the very slightest off chance it don't turn out to suit me and my person [Applause] cowboy boots I'll be honest with you don't particularly appeal to me aesthetically wow that surpris I don't think they go with what I like to call my style well how would you describe that style David I I don't I think my style is Indescribable oh no I could describe it let I think it's best left UND describe okay uh I wasn't sitting at home plotting the purchase of some cowboy boots no I was pottering around near my house and I saw the Mary cury shop and I saw in the window what looked like a nice selection of secondhand novels right and I I went in and it wasn't a nice selection of secondhand novels it was all Ken folet crap but I did notice the the the array of shoes and I tend to take my shoes off at home and maybe wear slippers or socks I don't want this to get too sexy and so I need my heo so what I vaguely was on the lookout for was a pair of everyday easy to put on non- Laing shoes that I could keep by the back door in case I needed to pop into the garden for some G you said you'd taken some of your shoes to the charity shop I was I was wearing shoes what you decided take them off in the shop and hand them to her when you when you go shoe shopping do you go barefoot when I take shes take you seriously no when I take shes me waiting when I when I take shoes to the S Rider shop I choose shoes that I no longer want I don't wander around and then go you know what you can have these if you want why would you do that you take them ready to give I wasn't it was not my BL can I just say Rob Rob you're the only person in the whole of the United Kingdom watch this that isn't f ing this story well he said he said he took off his shoes why did you think he took the shoes on to try the other one try the cowboy shoes on oh sorry sorry well David David I I owe you an [Music] apology there you are in the shop yeah uh I'm in the shop and I spot these cowboy boots and to me they look sort of quite loose and easy to slip on what length um not WID length I'd say that long about that so they're coming up to just below the knee they're not they're not you know how tall are you rob they for me they'd be silent can't see over [Applause] the I would say they're for a cowboy they're shortish Bute but they're not ankle boots leather or suede and with a sort of bit of um just I don't know the technical shoe terms but sort of like a bit of crenelation sort of flapping on the um I'm just going to have to use the terminology of the medieval castle it's the only way I describe it anyway they look so you saw them you saw the I saw them so I thought you know I'll try them on yeah but they were slightly harder to get on than I imagined people in the shop I imagine were going why is David Mitchell trying on cowboy boots the shop wasn't as packed as you're imagining I thought myself to be the only customer there right I was soon disabused of that not when did you notice that your own shoes had been sold I think well I I remember I walked to the back of the shop in the cowboy boots restraining an urge to walk like John Wayne and when I came back towards the shoe area I noticed that my shoes weren't there and did you see who'd bought them I didn't no I'm picturing a scene where you walk out the shop and you walk home and then a few minutes later A cowboy goes up to the coun and says excuse me um I I was just trying on a Pur and then behind him a clown and then a sailor and this just goes on all day round and round David David I I don't know you I've just got to know you today and I admire you very much but what I know of you from watching you on TV the cowboy boots it's just I can't buy it I can't imagine you'd even try them on well in which case then you should say that I'm lying that I might so we need an answer uh Le's team is Amy Joe's myth model nish's sleepy sidekick or David's sneaky shoe seller I'm more in kind to believe Nish myself you believe Nish because because I I don't know I just think Amy and Nish they could be really good mates miles you think well I was looking at her very closely while Joe was talking about sculpting she looked quite icy about the whole thing and of course she was very offended in the story but during David story she looked I mean understandably baffled I think he might be Joe actually what do you think well I'm I'm not I'm beginning to think I mean it doesn't even matter what I think I mean your own your I mean my job really is to agree with you Lee I mean you are a man are we trying to reenact Dad's Army you think that's wise um I think I uh I think Nish is telling the truth you think Nish is telling the truth you think Nish is telling the truth right in that case I'll go with what my team say you're saying it's Nish no I'm overruling I'm going with Joe Are you seriously I feel this Joe all right Amy would you please reveal your true identity I'm am me and I'm Joe's [Applause] friend this is the sculpture that Joe oh good lord this is the sculpture get ready for this you will never in your lifetime witness a worst sculpture than [Applause] this poor poor woman yes Amy is Joe's myth model thank you very much Amy thank [Applause] you

Channel: Joe Lycett

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Id: i8xed9cguwM

Length: 12min 26sec (746 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 22 2024