Jo Koy ROASTING Bryan Callen | Complete Collection

boy where's my camera and that's and that's why I'm in a restaurant in Vegas your sister runs right Joe yeah just stop yeah not a time for you I'm just trying to get you a Rolex but what am i what are you doing it's a fake laughing if you're doing a high I'm successful and so is he not so much hey what the [ __ ] Joe just saying this is my place sure and you're showing up a news clip wearing my sweatshirt you're trying to promote your brand with mine just work out the Morning News that's cashmere sweater yes that's a [ __ ] Russell Athletic from dick take it back - I'm not taking it back right now get it you can't even fix that in the color code what are you trying to adjust the color oh [ __ ] gray [ __ ] you [ __ ] Greg it's not great tix brings out my eyes you don't have eyes success Rome stands Oh what's your [ __ ] restaurants where I can not go dropped it's a registred joke yeah it's amazing your sister what do I serve you to clean ass Philippine no aye sir if Japanese it's a booster it is that's on my mind just say and if find funny comes out of it the funny come like that I made you and he did not make me no but is what I learned from you is to not do it you know I like that I molded you and enrolled me at all if I did I broke it because it was it was him thank Christian are worn to you listen what I mean is I like that you were in the nest I was feeding my with some know and then I let go and night when you grew feathers I released you and that's what I know where's my camera there's only one camera by the way oh you're talking it's a podcast I understand it just know that if I want to shoot you out of the sky they won't happen dude look oh wow oh thank God for him huh what you know I mean what do you know what's listening to the kid right [ __ ] if you really think about it your turn if I really think about it if this splits the show split yeah no one's listening to the [ __ ] okay dude that's about what five percent of the [ __ ] hey you don't know that you know I have metrics watch what happens I have analytics where do you get those I know someone here what's his name Korean guy Koreans no other [ __ ] I'm just saying Korea it's a good weight Chin's Korea where's my camera to all my Korean people you know you're not going no thanks but no seriously they're already thinking about the fighter pod does that even that even flows good divider a lot of cash pointer kid what who old news bro what kidding myself sure right like this pod is [ __ ] amazing like it changed your life yes and and you know and I'm happy for him because for years nothing was happening for him hey know that lots of things hangover yeah nothing happened I think you're a man yeah I was on man no one even knew it gave up man that's the message we're trying to say I don't think that's amazing talented Fred it happens 65 - Sophie - [ __ ] this is 65 this podcast - Sara boy you don't know that 60 60 I like I wouldn't want to kill myself 60 like not what am i doing with my life that's not my sabbatical one I've earned it all that's how I stop calling myself the kid that's a hell of an old man wearing hip clothes I'll [ __ ] talk like that jo koy take it back what are you doing right now I saw this episode of who take you to shirt off in boxing you gon roll the tits no I don't you have old got a great yes I'll take it back up he had old man buff no I don't hold man Bob you've not even seen me your eyes are glass Tovar I'm looking at no I it should be look me in the eye once I'm just like a guy kid yeah I feel like I feel like I would like Jo twice not like my stock with Dupree why are you laughing mm oh that's a nice day yeah they change it to deliver yes I can't I don't perform in restaurants anymore well no you you just did that oh you does did that I know about it years ago that was last season I saw you doing a promo on Instagram hey get fish and chips and see me live like the fish come see all you can eat fish and chips and comedy Thursday's with Bryan Callen buy three tickets no buy one get one free come see the kid I don't like I don't like any of this I don't like where this look line & sinker hook line and sinker comedy come see the kid live nothing more depressed buy one till you get 7 free just calm please all-you-can-eat tartar sauce like any went like that all-you-can-eat tartar sauce tartar come see the other half of fighter in the kid the kid the one that's not as attractive why are you white come on wait where's my camera got me on this right you'll fight right yes shingles - I have shingles stammers why did you let me touch your knee I'll rub why would you let me touch right here plus my pustules on you I'll beat you up and that'll give you shingles so don't touch you and be a throw that's good you can beat me up just don't touch I'm a good-looking guy I didn't think about you ever see Brad Pitt like what was that movie where that he becomes old dude like Benjamin Benjamin bar boy he was good-looking and then he got a little bit like mm yeah like I can see like like you were you probably cute when you're a kid and now say Oh like [Music] like this is my last one hey how would you brought how would you describe Brian's looks handsome tough Oh bright I think no Brian Co yours yours out here a joke what how would you describe Brian go rough life rough life had a rough go yeah yeah show shows in the face he wears his he wears this problem was right around his eyes Rogan Rogan and I was talking and he goes we had a good run oh yeah yeah it's like what do you mean he goes just you know now you know girls if you were to date a younger girl the girl would be like she'd tell her friends and her friends who go it's true no you're still good-looking whatever I do you think so you're still yeah yeah shingles a mile where's my camera sleepy I like the Suns in your eyes yeah yeah this is my natural oh that's your you just wake up in the morning what do you look like waking up in the morning Oh in the morning yeah oh wow you know here here's a picture right here you see the bottom right ages at the red eyes [ __ ] no the red eyes hey that one right there that's more like oh my god Oh optical cavity is a [ __ ] Oh jumped that's me oh man that's awesome oh let's keep that I can tell I sound like when I drop up when I when I come dust where's my hat I don't know why you're always looking for your hat he's that was based on a Ryan's life what huh the original it was supposed to be Robin Williams stars in Brian boldface Brian oh like you were no don't say that listen when you were in high school did kids run up to you go what time's class starts I haven't young as you have a teacher recently it's up until my eyes got started falling yeah Oh Brian what do you think Brian wants to get up like surgery on his face no no just my eyes my eyes are your eyes you don't want to do that you look Asian no I'm not no they look like you're sound good no they're just gonna take a little skin to fighting my baldness I just I just shaved it good for you dude he I didn't buy it's fighting the good fight my good fine propecia the who do not I got a hair transplant no you did not but not but like nine years ago but it didn't take let me see where he's hanging on to do me they did like but it didn't work for me really so how did you touch it too much I don't touch it too much shitty here I don't want to do this how many touching somebody that I you know me I really love you man yeah you also hate him he's always been I do hate okay I know it's a weird relationship right can I tell you why to oscillate okay do you you know why I hate him cuz boys he always makes promises and he breaks them he can't keep what general can what does that mean everyone you the whole room what what do you mean provident what about you make promises one example you son of a [ __ ] you're spreading a bad rumor no you always done that in the community of comments well-known rumor I'm seeing gigs for other people yeah I'll give you a spot what time's your show I'll come through I've never ha what time you need me to pick you up just anything that you with response I'm never driving this you you break you Yoram give me a comment of podcasting would be called Brian Collins how to burn bridges burn bridges the burn bridges pop what have i burning the bridges with a kid yeah oh that's it burning bridges with the kids what did I promise you that I didn't come through on everything what do we have for anything I've never met coming up I have to ask you like hey can I get some stage time on one of your shows or and you're like oh my god would love for you and then you would never pick up my cause or that's a lie you're me you're making a nice nothing that you do I do opposite you're spreading vicious bro I and that's why what I'm successful and that's that should be your infomercial why you want to be successful hi I'm Bryan Callen do you want to be successful well then take my class whatever I do don't do it do everything opposite of what I do and watch your money grow grow grow you guys this is the don't do don't do what I do remember I was in a stressful pod called the fighter in the kid and then I laugh now look at me bald and bald NOT bald you [ __ ] old and bald new eyes who are getting after the special drops in June so Netflix special drops in June what's it called uh we haven't came up with a decision you know no I'm poor man's Bryan Callen [ __ ] burner just so hard just that rose burning people I love that [ __ ] the Asian poor-man's Brian care I'm going to put subtitles so you can read it what does that mean because you can't hear anymore you're old you're an old man you and I are the same basically right Bryan Callen and I hope you enjoyed my car with a terrible [ __ ] impression of me bro I would I have funny stories that's close that it's not close to I love Porsche hey so you're it you said in June joe-joe Carly is it yeah oops I just beat Michelle how do I sound what I'm actually having sex before I die I just [ __ ] again that is so disgusting I know all right okay I feel in Vegas man you go to my house oh you live in Vegas yeah I live okay Joe that's not you don't have to say it like that don't it's so obnoxious but how much is your mortgage I don't [ __ ] know dude it's neither do I cuz I don't have one that's crazy they're all people all right dude all right yeah I know you came at me well no you did you're like I'm like I asked you where if you lived in Vegas yeah I live in baby all right fine the ridges is it a big house yeah it's huge okay dude I also said that you favor keeping us locked down for a year you having so much fun to help what kind of hot is this I don't know man we're seven told me no I know hey you got a what do you have a Gucci windbreaker okay man this and you now it needs to stop but that out now it needs a stop you're dead serious man look at her what are your shoes a coin purse no dude they're not a cool study sort coins in there hey is that a satchel you've had that on grains oh you ride your horse and then you feed your horse with you you take your shoe up there's grains oh say that huh these are golden blue you can put water in there you drink water all that yeah there was that Carol is that a camel's nutsack yeah they double as a [ __ ] water bladder sure hey can I get a pair of Converse that look like a stump from a tree dude these are golden goose be cool they're moss green be cool they're better than the way usually wears well you know I will say this you I love you know I love the way you think okay here I love your thoughts man if your thoughts were just your outfits huh all right doesn't make sense it's more later there's a lot of you know there's a lot it was really full contact back then I mean watch the documentary you can see it there much thicker now though right there no no all right can you not participate in this particular conversation you really that stupid come is there by anyway we know why off his microphone we just talked to the fighter and shut the kid up no I want to talk to sports guy hold on dude please stop had the greatest description of Michael Jordan he goes if he had been on the Titanic it wouldn't have sunk he would have been plugging holes and [ __ ] running back I think I think in the pod I think in the pot after that and this is just some direction yeah 40 seconds of complete sorry okay slowly zoom into it's fun right I'm trying to be part of the conversation I don't think it doesn't even make sense plug the holes yes what is he the fastest man on earth I just mean he's got will too you know we don't know stupid yeah every time your son I've said it four times I that's the fight just whatever I've drawn he says that if I know I wanted him to be like that's a great metaphor and though he hated who you are though who I know who you are you're the guy like like at 98 you were well forty like in 98 when you were 40 no you're a huge Jordan fan yes you were yes and and then slowly it became this thing where you wanted to be against the popular right because it's fun for Brian well I seen Gabe I just didn't grow up now all of a sudden he went from being a huge fan in 98 to like who's the Michael Jordan guy yeah now happen already laying out reference for the Michael Jordan full name alright they see a black guy that's not how I talk man you play baseball Michael Jordan all this [ __ ] is intact alright listen you do good job take it with you scare to you so I'm not scared of you so take it easier let me explain something let me at least learn Tina's weight a bunch I know a lot but Joe may because you were next when we were when we were in I was at the Malibu chili cook-off that chili thing he was trying to walk around his family all the Chili's hundred of a hundred hold on no can't move forward after that it's a famous I don't be you don't go the MAL malibu chick don't put me and go there like this you know the chilly what oh you what the [ __ ] why fade you had money no don't do that don't train you called yourself an elite I did not show you that and you said the common cattle he was it my audience but be real Adam suddenly got swamped I really I'm saying that's why I'd love to see one James Corden start singing with him it's great has James Corden sing yeah same thing yeah him you know that that's why show so big he and sinks it I didn't know he could say wow I gotta watch that show roster here we go again did you hear did you hear Brian breath I gotta see that I got a watch alright it's like your little digs bro with the shoes the Michael Jordan guy is that I'm sorry I'm not an elite Oh George James Corbin all right dude yeah educate educate yourself oh yeah I'll get I'll give it a look look I'll get a look I got you'll see kitty kitty see it's the hottest segment bring him up let me hear him say [ __ ] you come on oh he can see I've been on unnecessary lockdown of really famous cuz use a Broadway guy using Book of Mormon now you just gotta educate yourself on like the world yeah yeah I don't know about you sometimes right what are you why are you looking at me with my shoes are these you cut in your eyes having air jordans which number those probably the Aviators you're a really good actor thank you buddy I've always said that about you have I not yeah I've always said you're a great actor I like when he gets off stage I'm like you're a great actor I tried though it's understand of state you're great at when you [ __ ] her you read those lines good on no I thought you were coming he always goes to the club like a scrip soften me up and then you [ __ ] you give it they'd be have that guy who's okay that's great oh wow went from a friend an [ __ ] real quick from flower I thought we had a thing we are I thought we had a thing where we do this I know I know every time the show starts you okay we got that thing right where we're gonna I apologize yeah here I'll call it the fighter that way I apologize I apologize all ready there I know I'm just saying you're gonna be fine though you know you'll be fine those things yeah I know take it easy but that's not how I wanted this to go no one did man no because when they do that they do that for a long time right you have to wear your nails that long for like two three weeks right yeah usually I will you let me talk just one pocket on there let your [ __ ] guests talk I'm sorry shut the [ __ ] I was looking at that you go thank you God Spyder sorry and the cool no come on man now we know we learned something more you know I'll come on man no I didn't you know that Mart no don't smart right high Q what you're always smarter than I recycle be taller imbeciles caught you infants oh yeah infants infants my favorite is you're smart you uh you're a bit of a fan favorite I'll give you that much well I think the people like you cannot massage the bottom of your thigh whatever do that I pushed it yeah I pushed and pulled away hey which is right here okay now listen you're kind of a hold a weighted slam salmon come on where's my chapstick there yo buddy it really turns everything turns very southern hey man hey man I ever tell you hey man we ever tell you come on it's a family show dude it's a family you're so disrespectful what else yeah dude this is covered your paint and your [ __ ] what do you learned or like you know I mean like you know like Steven I smell sorry you're the one that's talking about giving him knives you got me at night whatever the [ __ ] it get this [ __ ] leather shoes I made of leather shoes at a craft it's just favorite kind of being a dick how I did Rosie get that shirt no it's not good cut it out cut it out hey did you get the elk jerky jerky I got it for one of that shove me dude with our legit long turned off damn it Joe I swear to God I didn't give it all right now I'm my super ace right this is Brian as the Japanese [ __ ] super stereotypical that's Bobby doing it that's Bobby Lee doing hey you're gonna have to put subtitles on it cuz I'm not gonna move my lips today you go that's a fairy oh but you like it inside huh yeah you're laughing it real quick yeah you ever say hey let's look at an old picture of somebody and that little picture is a young pitcher of somebody but when you go hey can we see an old picture Brian and you look at an old picture Brian and it's it's just him fold you know man like even what he's you know no I mean like let's see an old picture Brian was there's a lot out there but certain shoes like specially dunks dunks are like right now done sb dunks are like the hot what our dunks did you see the shoes time why do you act like this why do you ruin every conversation oh you just ruin every girl why you're like my dad be cool the second ones in the Valentine's Day lunch those are dope Papa just got those that's cool I swear you're so annoying why I'm sure dope those are sick by the way those are all I got I got a hook you up with my got your and uh I'll pass I don't know that's in San Antonio but boy Jake does custom shoes for LeBron Beckham everybody he brought me custom custom supreme ones low tops show him those chin Brian go get us something [ __ ] no I want to be part of this oh I love some fresh kicks you know what I hate the most is like this would be such a great conversation yeah you're ruining I'm not doing anything out you're ruining old I'm listening you're being very old no I'm not I'm saying it's like fresh and dodo those are small there's a sicko he makes them for Nike he make he gets the all the the all the the materials are from where Nike gets theirs oh really and just refurbished is the whole thing does its own style oh this is so good I'm really rich like I really detail how do they get that dope you're annoying Wow Wow get back on set bro I'm literally just sitting here as an actor as a working actor then time offer you how much say all right again how long does it take you to remember your three lines in that show no first of all like three look that's a [ __ ] anything mistakes I'm the star and also I have a photographic memory yeah and no one believed that that's why we're not completely July it I remember the internet shut down you know what my new goal is dead serious shut up I'm not shutting the [ __ ] up please shot in the [ __ ] up but I'm not taking myself seriously yeah no more at all no I don't at all III know dude it starts to you know you really need fish oil for those joints right but your joint no that wasn't a point that what you're getting here no I open myself up and now you guys are being fixed about my eight I know you gave me a really nice compliment about how yeah and then he went right to your knees and how how you don't have time the time is limited now cuz your your on the other side now the back you're on the other side though yeah you're coming down the hill then come back now you know what else to expect a lot of time climbing up that hill but now you're [ __ ] don't you're rolling out thanks oh yes I'm gonna have all the others I'm gonna have my day have your day bro you're called back all this said yeah but I'm just not sound like thirty thousand tickets Amin okay no you're not well actually that's just the two shows in San Francisco if you add up the whole weekend it's close to what we figure out you ahead 60,000 okay all right Joe I'm trying to sell it the West Palm Beach improv this weekend I'll be there for Valentine's Day Friday Saturday something I'm [ __ ] quitting stamp how many times have I asked you to come to my show to be honest I've asked you so many times to come to my show you mean yours to come on my show to go to go up and perform I've asked you and I I've asked Brett you call calm him once let me come to a tight hour I don't give a [ __ ] that's not what I want from you okay you just you just I want to keep them there I want to contain them yeah because you want even though the whole goal yeah man the whole goal is to keep them in there for a certain amount of time give them a [ __ ] show yeah so you would go in there three like salt pepper like a little three four minutes you know whatever your best no no it's something do I fly up myself and the night note fly you I got a private jet you got like oh you're like ten open seats but like but uh so generous I'm just joking by the way you know that right dead serious thanks Joe well you know what that's my camera which one's my that was the only way if you had worked on in your face cuz you look tight no no it's that's Asian so like what do you have Asian ji yeah you don't get that many lines across the forehead right so yours is like like a tree like when you cut a tree you count I say to the tree so shitty degree there's like seven rings take your piece of every ring is 10 years sure yeah so that's like I say it's more like a packet of Bakker don't have a pack of bacon yeah yeah say that about my face man I'm wearing makeup so the the 11 okay so you know when you cut a tree yes and you see the Rings I hate this you can't count how old the tree is and buy the Rings I know you said you like when you like like raise your eyebrows no just raise your eyebrows no that's a black surprise real quick like look up look up wow that each line is like seven years no it's not how did you can count 10 don't what is 7 times 6 I'm bad at math it's like 79 or 42 40 there's the other thing so then that's wrong yeah yeah that's wrong it must be do it again one more time fine I'm gonna do it again but don't I won't know you know me I'm not shitty come on oh you forgot the line in the middle of his eyebrows Hey so 7 times 8 is 56 your your head is like dog ears each line is like 7 years can't say my face to tree and like dog ears you can't say that there's 8 lines across your head there's times that by 7 7 times 8 is what yeah if I get my times 8 is what right 7 times 8 5650 and how old are you I'm 53 boom Brian Brian Brian slingback Yuna's lids done though yeah are you yeah we've talked about I can't see well I've aged that's the difference between 49 and 53 that Riley you can't see my eyes yeah it's like he has a visor over both eyes now and it's from years of boxing sports well it's father our [ __ ] office it's fine still [ __ ] by the way and I [ __ ] I [ __ ] well yeah dudes well who knows but here's my question you still [ __ ] oh look at you blank face huh I was in Tel you know I don't know now you're a prude look at you I don't want to talk about that with you you just smile you've just swallowed with your mouth open you wet you can't even answer man you might be a phony sixty thousand tickets my ass are you dip no no no that's real though you should have seen the deposit I made today and if you want to challenge me on a bet no I'll pull it out I brought my back man no just in case I don't know hold for all it you want to go wallet for wallet Oh since you were bragging about that goddamn TV set you got to get to know but that's it we were getting coffee Brent were you right next to me Brandon when he said that yeah you did it goes through I gotta hurry let's get this pot I got to get to the TV set if you I'll a pretty long lap car both want to do it do you want to settle the bet wallet for wall all right that's so gauche now I'm just saying I have a Noblet for money you can challenge that or you can go with the deposit slips I did Sam triple everyone I got [ __ ] cash on me - Cakebread yeah but I have a lot I'm awesome so I was I was I was blessed in high school you were athletic really good-looking so I never had any problems and I was funny how crazy your hair was thinning in your face was always old does that so big that's a fair thing I saw a baby picture of your face take it back and usually well usually babies have a lot of wrinkles and they go he'll grow into it yeah cuz it's loose skin yeah you've never grown into it you still have the wrinkles there yeah it's such a jerk to me right now I would stop sunbathing I don't son I would stop sunbathe I stay out of the Sun I'm on set all day that's that small soundstage in front of your lights lights lights lights like um well this is uh I'm really uh jealous of your success hey your beaks are casually like camera a pet not laughing of sad day hey hope yours you're being a jerk dude I'm proud of my [ __ ] teen Oh baby oh I love your show it's very funny your cast is amazing Tim come on Tim is amazing why don't you come get your app already be this last week for more episodes best OH oh we like - you said this is last week you know that is true he did say that no I said you don't know I was doing show puppy bandwagon I remember that yeah I remember you saying that and you're like this is my Latin yeah you know I know Lila you're doing a good thing Wow did you study kind of day yeah I studied cut up I didn't know that yeah that was clearly a [ __ ] I am I mean I study and I know the difference yeah let me see your fist we need a yo oh there's there's a lot of cuts and you trained I trained secretly yeah Wow I'll fight man what as long as there's sharp objects or glass around you're down I'm gonna use it if I come at you ask a Chicago diner 15 years ago what happened so if I come at you I'll throw something at your [ __ ] face well what's crazy is your face is made of leather No so wha no you've been you don't cut you've been mean about you don't cut okay I bleed just like everybody else yes I do I bleed just like everybody else and I cry and and I you ever tried tear leather in half you know you can't impossible that's your face no no that's your face you're being where's my camera you're being so rude a enemy is it the small one yeah it's the big one it's the big one no the big one okay man wealth has made you such a jerk - doctor it's your lungs pee now I'm gonna die oh really yeah you [ __ ] do we go to break no keep going no you and I you know I kind of connect like yeah yeah yeah we're actually it's actually probably better the fighter in the koi that's right but yeah uh fighter in the koi well there's a K already there can you record that can you record that yeah I want this documented there's already a K so the fighter in the koi kind of flows so do your set bro which one's my camera right which one's the camera start before you guys do this can I ask Brian a serious question and don't get it don't get mad at me don't be shitty um well have I been yes very much so worst of all time now now be nice what we can ask I'm just gonna ask you okay have you memorized your line the one line Joe that's a shitty you're being you're being a dick and your fake sucking that right now you know who's on roids oh no I'm not don't nod to me like that don't spread rumors about me just cuz I'm naturally muscular Leatherface oh no Joe coming Leatherface do you have a picture of their face gosh I could pull it up pull up pull up leather face and tell me this is it Bryan Callen just like waking up in the morning that's up right Kalin no that's not right early in the morning no no before you put on kind of moisturizer oh that's so bright there I bought that mask before on Halloween it's not the Bryan Callen that's called the Bryan Callen right there there's a new doctor is it Netflix the the mr. rinks stealing [ __ ] jokes and I talked about doing a TV show we sold them sell search they say rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah hey you bro you [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah yeah watch your tongue oh good what's gonna happen what are you gonna do use some of that boxing you've been doing [Laughter]

Channel: The Fighter and The Kid Clips

Views: 177,054

Keywords: the fighter and the kid, kid, the fighter, the kid, brendan schaub, bryan callen, podcast, vodcast, podcasting, ufc, mma, ultimate fighting, mixed martial arts, Big Brown Breakdown, Brendan Schaub comedy, Brendan Schaub stand up, Chris D'Elia, Bobby Lee, Joe Rogan, Tom Segura, YMH, JRE, Your Mom's House, Highlight, Clip, Theo Von, Bryan Callen Stand Up, TFATK, Comedy, Stand Up, Brendan Schaub Podcast, Bryan Callen Podcast

Id: 5cFfzUJVJ4U

Length: 36min 18sec (2178 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 13 2020