The Fighter and The Kid - Episode 321: BEST OF 2017

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yeah Chris Leah's got a car and he's got terrible shoes and he's eating oatmeal on the fly on some Jordan Air Force Ones the original I know those are Air Force Ones those little J's yeah it just bothers me that you guys get it I hate that Chris does this he goes did we start yeah all right what you hate you show me your shoes and you go there so dope they oh yeah you're a grown man you're 36 men I'm young you're 36 I'll let you know when I'm in adult house that yo-yo at heart I'll let you know when I'm gonna thought those that look I'm a kid bro I know I'm just a little pup when do you think Oh cuz we were talking so young we were talking before we got here we're here yeah you're so yeah it's like our friend Stevie Broncos bro he just spent all day on Instagram they went to the gym he's like 16 year old girl yeah he goes and Brian goes you know at least he's young he's not bad yeah 30 and Stevie goes I am 32 not that young bro I just pour myself into one thing and before stand-up it was it was jiu-jitsu dude I would do it for six years and then before that it was working out you know and I just didn't give a fuck about anything else it's just one thing that I like doing and then I just you took you know it was zero and I want that's another thing I want to talk about is we were talking about this before we started recording you used to be late all the time yeah and now you're not yeah because you just changed that I just changed and that means that you're an even bigger asshole than I thought yeah because no because he was just being late and he could change it like that well no means you were coming to make a joke but I told hurt my feelings man like I said if you're gonna be late I don't want to do this yeah I thought once I went off hurt my friend I know I looked and I go I will never be late again oh interesting he has a mid late you know what what one of the things that he did once we were at dinner I think I probably told this maybe on another podcast but we were at dinner it was me you Josh Lawson Will Sasso and Craig culture I think in culture what I say Chad Cole yeah chuckles and and someone else yeah and Tom Cruise no it wasn't Tom corrected I hang those guys so I don't I always confuse them okay so anyway yeah it wasn't them okay so uh and and I had a set and and and and Chad and and and Josh were like yeah I I don't know I don't know if they ever see me do stand-up so they're gonna come to the Comedy Store you gonna come so I say yeah so I got to go I want to make sure I get on so meet me at the Comedy Store so I left early and then all you all you guys went to go to the Comedy Store I get on so I was like just so you know everyone's coming I was got him seats I got onstage I get offstage and I'm like where the fuck is everybody you guys weren't there and then and then Josh or Chad I was talking and they were like hey yeah or when you come in and I was like when my comment on what I was like you guys were supposed we made the comments over the fuck are you guys and he says oh you uh Brian said you were going up at the improv and I was like what you said Brian said you were you you rotate you changed it and he was going to the high-profit hop I remember that no no no was Brian doing standard oh yes fucking just one no I actually think it was worse than that he just wanted to be at the improv because he liked the hang there better and everyone was like he just lied to them and said nag Christian to his set up at The Improv let's go there it's like and I called him like this motherfucker and he didn't say hello the first thing because he knew like what he did was dead yeah he picks up the phone he says you ruined the night I went to call Chris I called him and I get a text he doesn't pick up the phone I get a text and all it says is nah yep I was thing about this the other day how special is the Comedy Store compared to other places now like just the heiau why I don't know when he did before I don't know anything dude sometimes it would be and now it's it's the hottest place in Los Angeles says it's like the 80s or the incredible yeah there's a renaissance going on dude I have everyone I mean no you're not man it you know that's what they say whoo-hoo when they say be know the Comedy Store press release always like this what these press release no but there's the lion and then there's all the rest of these stay like pound-for-pound you the lion of comedy you don't hear that no yay you know any of that don't know you're not gonna make my I've heard a little chat you know what you're not fathered a little about this Comedy Store press release dude I'll tell you they are saying they are saying though they are like and I fir they're like dude they're like a dick no I'm not I'm not trying to be a dick I swear to God what is this legit shit okay apparently when I go to the Comedy Store people are it's very fucking weird I didn't get it for a long time but they're handing me like footballs and shit what is that why why I don't I don't play sports or shit like that weeks would go by and they'd be like they want you to sign them I was like yo me signs they were like you go champ and I was like okay I don't want this shit I don't get it I thought it was a joke that somebody said on a pirate or whatever dude they're calling me the quarterback of the comedy am I getting all these footballs its mouth women we're like now so I'll say that because they're calling me Simba no wow is it your new logo is an eagle right yeah cuz you're like an eagle yeah not a sonic this is fuckin I forgot to say this I was that I was in this meeting I forget who it might have you would know I was in this big meeting I was wearing your sweatshirt and it's like the ovo yeah yeah yes I don't know it's like the ovo Drake yeah but it's not that out Chris is Eagle and one guy is it a parent yeah no it's a fucking eagle it's an eagle bro it's a round I'm saying parrots plump look look it's not plump but it looks like the ovo and the guy you can tell was like trying to be hip and cool the powerful Diaz oh my son has that Drake section I go no that would be cool and then the guy goes I think I him go I think I'm like and I heard I'm like no it's actually my boys he's obviously just wrong yeah fucking copy yeah yeah it's something jobs mocking narrates thing yeah and that's how it started area have an eagle on his shirt or an owl an owl so you girls are more gangster than owl so you kind of one-up Drake huh I mean I don't looking like that but chin bring up the braces sweatshirt Eagle sweatshirt I want to just I want to look at this because I think you need work on the bird I feel like it's apparent well you're fucking wrong spell my name right but I know I know I know I know I know listen I don't worry about that how has it been going Chris the whole hood it's down there the black one yeah dude let me explain something Oh see the back go back that's not even me go down the middle hey don't talk about just by the promise that looks a lot like a macaw it literally does look like a parrot you think no here's why your son saying that parent here's why you're saying that it's not why is it's it's still which is the point and it's not like this joke that's the fucking joke you pieces bro obviously it's not a big deal legal dressed as a parent is that fair no it's not fair but it literally looks nothing like a parent and that's final notify yeah legal that's what happens to the Eagles have much bigger beaks buddy they're a lot bigger they got they're bigger and they grow you're actually I've seen a bald eagle sir you're actually wrong that you bring a bald eagle first chin also what the fuck who are those people I'm taking pictures with those be your fans third parent but what okay that's got hat flowers on a little bit look at your leg I'm not mad that shows your dick though you can see your dick pulled yeah I got a you got a dick in that pic Kristen's got a dick I've seen yeah Chris show oh no we've seen the dick when he's doing the yeah Chris Chris it's I pulled his dick out when it was kind of hard we're doing a podcast and he goes there you go and I go what the fuck I don't even know that well you just sit here you go you can show a guy your dick when it's soft but if you show you guys that I'm chubby now now we got to be pretty good friends at yes point no that's how it goes swear you get comforted and he goes suck no you know it's Chris said okay look just exactly like that fucking look at that one of the Browns and Chris look at not and you're gonna have longer logos heads to round now presents a mom draught yourself Oh Chris because and you have a stub beak on that that's a parrot stubby cannot your Eagle has a long beak Ryan is literally exactly what it is hey I love the shirt man that's a no it's not look at it want to look up a parrot now look up a parrot bring up a fucking parrot chin this is parrot mahkumat Oh Eric hey you're being mean that's a fucking parrot I'm talking about that is your shirt dude no it's not the second one in the second line down that green one you parrot it's not a parrot's beak goes down that's an eagle and everyone fucking knows it no I don't know if they do it looks first of all it's a small Hawk it's a if anything I'll give you into tiny Jose small hawk I want all those birdies your company car you're beautiful there yeah is your company called some all hawk Ryan you know that what you're saying shut up at the right time of the best my buddy steady I'd be talking and getting excited to go what shut up you right away shuts down every shut up it might be the rudest thing you can ever say - yeah hey January and February pilot season yeah hold on you don't text while you're doing our podcast yeah I do dude I was texting to get me out of here call me with an emergency I sent it to so many people look at your shitty posture see this place man whole trainer wouldn't appreciate it out sit like this - like hey did you try that hey Chris did you try to have you on a diet - yeah dude I ate so many fucking ice creams last night why wanted a why wanted to look at ice cream just do whatever you want yeah you can actually fucking cookies and ice cream sandwiches bro mononym water them went to sleep after that BAM and you look you still want the fucking man dude hey man I don't give a shit oh you whatever the fuck I want this room dude I got fucking ice cream sandwiches I fucking was naked on my couch okay look did you watch it old stuff on my carpet god damn it did you watch these sports nope why not didn't want to okay we don't have watched no disrespectful is this I watched 35 minutes of an episode of Luke Cage and then I turned it off that's so disrespectful it wasn't even from the beginning to 35 I started it in the middle and and got almost to the end any part of any show I want and turn off whenever I want you have no respect there's no respect I ate some of the ice cream sandwiches and I had other ones I could have put in the freezer I left them out why I don't give a shit make the place made them the post based guy picked them up brought him to me I ate some of them they're still on my fucking coffee table I don't give a fuck Grizz there's some Lacroix on the carpet you have respectful no I don't you do I don't why not me okay the first thing I want to say no no the first thing I want to say is okay what pick a shade man pick a shade with that like a shitty Crayola node why are you dressed like Chris Gaines ten you know when Garth Brooks where's the tiger and color church it'll be green here on one side and the black on one side you do anything I don't mean to open up the fucking I don't mean to open up the show with a huge move like that but no people I made I knocking swear just get that because it's you look like an actor from American Pie dude holder's dude it looks you got that for free that's such as that's such a fucking I did get it for free look man dude that's such a hoodie you'd wear for free would not buy that you never got that fucking shades off right now this is no I gotta wear these dude futures to Bry CEO there was all that otherwise I wouldn't have them on but future no right did you see what I did is bright you see the picture I tweeted the Instagram yeah about the black and white photo the one I'm you said yeah that he yeah Oh bro oh you know what's weird is that is that you you posted it only hours after he posted it not days after he posted well I that's why there's a new episode of fighter in the kid right when it comes out hey there's a new episode of fighter in the kid sixty days ago and there's already a new episode yeah cuz I like to create a lag don't do that hey Chris that is the more II can I ask Chris the serious question yeah yeah hey Chris so do you think Brian fondled Chuck Liddell's balls last time the groom oh he just Powerball dude when we live up dude we were hanging out having a good time a silly fucking loosey goose time yeah Chuck Liddell walks in this guy is a transformer and transformed into a fucking dick diver yeah no oh everyone turns into a fighter jet but me I turn into a cock no no no listen hold on like talking about training and sparring do you know as soon as you like then you go bro oh my god you don't look a day over 25 oh don't run goes like this Eva honey look yeah he looks good but huh he looks good but except for huh what are you doing dude you can do what you want it's free conch don't promote your shirt it's free card no there's not congratulations we're here you're welcome because I have a podcast now subscribe to my podcast congratulations and I want you to unsubscribe now anything Brian I'm killari I want you I like my podcast is not I'm not saying anything okay well it's true no Chris the future is bright but my girls are fucking take them off Nega to see inside hey you don't there's not a lot of depth bro come on what are you tired you if I drew a fucking picture of your brain coffee hanging out and with my sidekicks and chicks and chicks man lazy dude all that lazy day all I think your book if we're all books Eric Chris is a comic yeah is that fair well dude con you look so graphic novel yeah okay dude I mean The Watchmen okay my little Watchmen No am I your hero what do you think seriously what do you think you would be the sloth no do you know what I I have a superpower what I can open up doors without even touching now at the grocery shirt Oh Brian didn't get the job how do you do that he says I do it cuz my fans open the doors for me dude your fans don't travel with you around that you've seen that ah you know what my fans are there they and I'm not trying to be a dick to you and bud no no listen every time you say that it's dead no no but let me just explain what my fans are and it's no big deal and I don't give a shit and I don't even want I didn't want to say this out loud because I don't care but I'll say it just for argument's sake let's have a conversation so my fans our fans what we would call fans and life right now hold on it's just that there's there's cuz I'm always evolving and always like challenging argument this guy teaches me teaches yeah and then you your fans are as we know and again who cares who cares what your fans are some are not yet in high school and others are in high school and it's not incredibly fickle so crazy also refer themselves as babies they call me hell you don't our fan bases what tea fat cake oh fuck hey hey hey Chris but a chin disappeared when he went like that here on yeah I can't wow you're just no cheer Oh bro bro you human bird we are uh we are fucking twenty we are thirty we are 40 or 50 my god your babies dude what fuck why are you babies because dude fuck this alpha secretly beta shit bro I got it all figured out man calm down I'll do what I want and it'll be fine and because you're a buddy everyone's fun oh we're gonna do fucking you know what I mean no you're not saying anything you know about this man say about this man what number one guest on fighter in the kid oh dude any people say forget though okay Will Sasso Michael Rapaport yeah make way for fucking freak punch that's hey you showed me your body yesterday pretty damn good right no I don't think so what okay did you see the cocky region I didn't you all I saw his dick in the bathroom I leaned over and saw it no but you got to see you when I Stan honey no it's not he swung it around like a road around tassel no I don't wash my hands after I piss you I don't either who does they're weird it's my dick I was poor I touch my exactly and I don't touch the door I do elbow it yeah it is impressive because the legend of Chris D'Elia let's be honest the legend started on the find the kid no because Ari Shaffir is mention you dick about the Comedy Store listen to me and Brian chimed in about your day I'm Brian got all the shut out it no it's fine no it's fine you heard about it the masses yeah but but what what what sucks is um don't look at your fit when I get why I got a Fitbit when I get when I when I when I get a boner I faint a lot because of the bad blood lose a lot of blood oh yeah I just go oh you are okay is that a sundial they go like hey no you ate sushi why were you there by yourself dude I fucking you know what I do what not only do I do I not invite anyone I send a text out and I say I'm getting sushi no one's invited and then I go by myself shit you know why dude because I fucking up here bro hey I got a fucking blast can you do that vide have a blast I have a blast dude I just think anything I want nobody's there to fucking be like ah but also fuck them dude I just chill you're right hang out I have a good time and I eat sushi and I go like this and I think about stuff what do you talk about last to do what do you think about like seriously um I think about like the people around me and if someone falls and that would be funny or like I'll think about something I could talk about on stage or I think about my mom or I worry about you don't worry really why would I worry why would I worry you don't worry dude no you don't wake up with like anxiety sometimes yeah sometimes I do I felt what I don't know and then I and then I go like this what am i anxious about and I go at this do you ever get anxious that it's gonna end by some weird thing as in like an accident or I think about weird shit yeah I guess so sure the dragons are you you you know you how worried you what yeah you worry you're like me you uh no I'm not like you no no no you were yeah you get like a speck you think you have stage 5 cancer why don't we like that that's why I worry more about like like how long will I keep still like how many how long they'll keep coming up with material like you might gonna like next month I'm like yes and then the roads over that happens all the time when especially after you shoot a special then you go I got to start all over again yeah am I gonna and how am I gonna do cuz you know I don't remember coming up with shit I know no beavers dilip it decided me interrupt you ever do a bit and then he like well how the fuck did I come up yes did someone help me with that's what I mean where did I get up from right and how am I to call a new shit exactly like that's what I mean at that do you feel away yeah well my last one of my last tour I was doing that act for like a year and a half two years and then afterwards I was like what the fuck do I do and then I just started but I just that's why I constantly book shows and go on stage because I'm like oh I'll keep I'm not gonna do the old shit yeah and then I'll just do that I'll do new shit yeah you know even if it's not good and then it really soon it kind of like takes a life yeah yeah exactly it warms on its own yeah mmhmm yes that is interesting like you just kind of have to trust that it's gonna happen and Ana and it's true you just keep doing it until something you have any idea give Netflix done let you know how your semester did man I'm fine I just know from like tweets and hilarious they can get kind of gauge right from I mean well you because you're your Twitter's and social medias gonna be more your fans you know I'm saying the bottom so you're like oh it's great but yeah be getting new ones and people say oh I don't know who you were or um or or you can tell because of your crowds get bigger you know that makes sense yeah for sure that's the big thing because specials everything these days right well yeah I mean yeah yeah and as you look at it cuz like I watched Seinfeld's new special if you watch it I didn't say nothing brilliant and it's it's all material yeah yeah I heard prove that sounds like a documentary to know it's like stand-up but and just go it shows like a quick clip of his childhood and then goes back I guess it shows like old stuff but it's also old Mattia just to show that it stood up over time and still you know they say but but I watched that and then in the queue it goes Dave Chappelle bill burr Chris D'Elia that's where Netflix is just done all right yeah oh you watch Chris Rock check out Chris D'Elia and when you get in that cuz how how big is flippable Dave ship yeah yeah yeah yeah oh that's hilarious God he's similar that and they watch that I also think I fucked up my the special I didn't I don't know fucked up the right word but when I this one this new one that came out man on fire which is on Netflix I just said that alright man I know you watch it yeah but don't so nobody know I I didn't actually even notice I was looking at the camera oh you but okay it's a lot flicks yeah thank you very much all right stream it doesn't matter but and so you fucked up on that one no I'm the incorrigible which is the one that was my second one which is right before man on fire on Netflix you can I think I started slow like I put all the good shit at the end yeah you know oh and people have the attention yeah they don't know I'll watch comments on there yeah it's like yeah I'll be 20 min don't like this is yeah they don't so I so I open man on fire with you this stuff that I thought was the the hardest-hitting shit that's that's smart but that's also why Netflix it's just people's attention span yeah but that's why they're leaning they're doing a lot more 30 minutes yeah not not even to mention my incorrigible was like an hour and 20 minutes over over yeah about an hour too long for me yeah but really and the man on fire is 64 minutes or something like that no that's not what they're doing okay no I know you know what actually they are doing that because that's the Dead Rising they're ghosts because they want to see it to special' do you sign a multi like term deal or we don't sign a multi we sign maybe you could send a multi multi you said multi so I don't think hey Brobee State John that's so not that's so fucking good with that one word yeah he never got he'll know it's certain words oh he's working it I'll speak for a living I don't I don't I didn't but I guess you could but I don't think they do that though dude there I don't think they never I never was never an option for me so it's just one it so if it doesn't do well just one and done they're like all right well you know I'm saying I'd yeah if it doesn't do well it's kind of a weird format because you do one gasps yeah and they can just do your next one with whoever granted there though yeah biggest show in town you just guy I'm gonna go over here now yeah I mean I don't know I mean I'm fucking no I you do you know I have to on there so it's good to have I think it's good to have to on there and so guys have or five on there I guess all efflux what doesn't burn Phil where are probably mmm Logan has what three two on there mmm so I don't know but uh I don't know if Iowa like before Netflix became what he came I always thought it was I was like I'll be cool to do one like I did one for Comedy Central did and then the next one I did for Netflix sounds like I wonder where I'll do the next one but then Netflix got so big that I was like ah you just gotta be on you have to yeah to compete and like I don't know if like although you know if hula would do one but they don't do him I would be willing to bet they'd start to get into it I heard they were going to but that was like a year and a half yesterday would cuz they just won all those Emmys they beat Netflix like destroyed they want to do it means then any network through and it's Hulu so I would assume and then Amazon Facebook's do what I'm what I'm fourteen I know a lot of times you so much to do it you know what do you know and I feel like you you you would know this to I feel like Chris is starting to get more and more into act and I feel like it back then takes up you done with time exam surprised you're not doing more acting do you actually feel that way I love stand up no yeah because you're not you are very doctor thank you you know I'll just slip in and out of characters and it's like he ever hit team and people don't even realize any sort of them cockney thing that's all you know came to me you know I mean no he's just jumped into a cab it's lawyer it's plush like you know when you go into you know when you're lying in out like near a pool and then all of a sudden you're like I'm gonna get in there sploosh that's what it is character right you know I'm not bad at all and you're from the east of London or all over army brat really oh you did a movie ops again you can't see what the movie is well no it was called life in a year I don't know if I'm allowed to say what what I played though really yeah we almost want to see it how are you proud of it do you think I think so I have no idea cry like do it okay do it okay you know what I mean you have to go overboard thank you you have to overboard on crying most people think subtlety is only apologize I'm drug lord and apologize I don't everybody you know I mean like that yeah yeah yeah fuck dude right right cuz I was gonna kill you I know and then I I felt pity yeah dude because I would take acting classes I mean laughs you grew up in the business he took a shame to voices voice and dance I didn't take dance I know it was a fucking well tell but you took you took voice does this answer your question remember when you and I tried to sing serious yeah yeah yeah Brian does that Brian likes to relive the glory days that's all he has he doesn't have a bright future that's not true you've got a checkered past well that's fucking true in a bad way I've got kids I don't know about and if I find out I'll ignore the many ways yeah cuz I'm selfish fuck it's selfish hey and selfish who are we talking to we're brined it oh we have my party with rolling over time about that time when you really thought you could sing like Brian was he did like what deaf there the Comedy Jam thing you know where's comedian see oh yeah goddamn comedy I'm if I wanted to I could be this thing dude all right oh I mean obviously I could but a little bit like yours a little bit you I know how hard it is when you hear like skylar astin you're like i know forget it yeah he's like Broadway and he can actually sing but yeah like there's some guys we're hearing like Brian's not bad you know like you like it was like a 80s rock you're singing mother there's one note to it I guess I mean I'm still not doing it but it you can kind of get mama you know what I mean I just killed a man yeah I know I know you like Freddie mine now it's stupid but but but I can talk about a town oh my god ever yeah no but um wait wasn't gonna say shit that thing no I don't know but uh oh yeah I know I hate when I talk about this on my podcast congratulations subscribe unsubscribe them and subscribe to mine and ever and so but they well I'm my mom thinks I can sing and it bothers me so much when she legit things yeah she's like you could have been a singer and it bothers me so much cuz it's so it's like when somebody comes up to you and says oh dude people say I should you stand up and it's like turn round bye-bye but parent bands are a little different like I get this all the time my mom was just out there she goes I don't understand why you just don't audition for the new Batman right right right right right well that's yeah parents I know I know I know man yeah people come up why don't you do SNL you don't know how it works oh that's a good idea yeah oh yeah I never thought of that yeah yeah you are somebody that could do that yeah you have you thought about this until hey bro I don't know that you would be happy doing that or MJ Danna because you'd have to give up a lot of stuff so it becomes a problem like you know I'm saying so you can do so if you do two one-hour drama okay great you better love it because you're their fault you know let me tell you something I've always said this too like for my nightmare mmm is to be like the sixth lead I'll CSI Shh oh my god why would you ever take that but does people do way ahead yeah I think we got something oh my god you fucking right in your trailer just like this that my turn and you can't hug this 19 times I'm pulling it up right now you're so fucking right oh dude you know who always gets that part the funky chick with the hair like yes holster guys yeah or a guy that belongs in a Verizon commercial yes can you hear me now that's what that is Hey Dude take a knife out dude I'm telling you I did I've done every CSI to hang myself done every CSI right so really yeah I mean I guess star and and in law and order and just I remember sitting there wall nor do I've done all I've done I've done an episode of something yeah were you ever on The Honeymooners were you a mash no no oh no oh although mash would have been fun I just want to say I interrupted you we just started a show we have the great Bobby Lee from Saturday Night Live and oh where is it nope right the same piece of shit you were on hey oh yeah sorry a long time man don't get bad on MADtv guys he's well people can see it with the YouTube video you're literally sitting like we're about to do an intervention on you you're holding on to the couch sort of your hair is way too long I'm small you're a subversive I think it's all I can follow much and you're your bundle up well I'm jealous I did the hair jealous so I have to put like my hair thank you so much you're very funny what excuse me here your happy birthday by the way thank you you're 45 and I'm from 45 weird way till you turn 50 I looked in the mirror today and I went not make it this is how you feel technically well I'll tell you what 50 does and maybe even 45 is it I looked in the mirror and technically I've been on the planet for 50 years as of 15 minutes ago and and my father just told me that and I thought to myself if I die they go 50-year old man dies and people go yeah let the good life that was a good day it's a good stretch and even a long time maybe evens bonus right and even I cuz you know I'll be sitting to the right or the left of Jesus yeah and when I'm sitting right probably yeah well when God makes Jesus move out of the way and fucking brushes the seat off and lets me sit while the angels are singing well he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow cuz you know they're gonna dance not happening sir dude you don't know and yeah all my sins yeah I have this joke where I have this this feeling like if I died right now God would have my entire life on one piece of paper I'm like yeah like like with this look on his face that my dad had when he get my report card you know how to mean like you fucking whore be--it'll ordered be like you as 50 years old trying to get into the hottest nightclub him just being like mm-hmm I know right right but if you were to go you would still be really scared and depressed you don't you don't feel like you lived a long time like I'm 45 people oh that's a long time ago no like if I die right now they'll be such a bomb it'd be a bummer well my agent with agents - it's like you can't tell at all well that's crazy and can I just say that right I know I've never seen a mutant agent before to my right well he's a giant III never knew that they groomed that big soon he was born in a lab he a young man together yes right and June is a giant man and I always thought that like Oh two of five four but I'm average height for Asian yeah no no we got we got the Shrek of Koreans over here oh hey see you guys should talk uncle Mario oh shit oh come on uh go to taco man you speak man as soon as I saw Bobby Lee at the Comedy Store I went hey our producers Korean and yo yeah you just say goes I don't get fooled I went he yes hon III could I'm going to buy you on the on the on the open market what yeah I'm gonna give a shit cuz guess who's gonna be my kid but don't get all emotion or do cry cuz I love fucking Korean boy tears on my dong how's that sound uh your GIMP but don't put me in that little chest thing gonna go because I don't want you to how long gonna be I'm gonna be in there whatever whatever you know I mean good your Atma win yeah I don't suck dick or nothing of course you do every resected did did not do I mean real he's been real open up for me man how do you define suck in event no like a penis in your mouth I mean there is that time did you went to a phase where I was gay no I never have never had a dick have you Bobby yeah you know already no I don't yeah yes you have yeah I love how honest you are my guests and I know you're not and what happened when we what set the set the whole scenario well when I was when I was in high school came when I was nine I got molested by a guy with Down syndrome don't laugh I'm not laughing why'd you laugh I'm it's just that it's such a curveball I know can I just say something I'm gonna say it again and if you smile I'm gonna leave okay if you smile his name alright but his name yeah what's your new beginning chin all right give me a second don't ya give me a second all right I just wasn't ready for that line I understand I'm gonna say it again and if and if you smile I'm gonna leave okay all right hold on we can't write notes smile right just hold on no cuz then you're gonna laugh don't laugh don't laugh get serious B's open up here when I was you ready don't cover your mouth of you though you can't cover your mouth the thing is that I you know I'm telling you something that's like us it's vulnerable time expressing truth to you I do yeah I get serious if you cover your mouth I just feel like you're laughing no let's do it alright so when I was 9 I was brutally molested by okay you can't say why because that's a curveball good dog sister Hey look at your mouth does that it's not a curse don't say fruit ELISA had some all right dawn I had your tips there so when I was 9 years old every day for summer you can't throw shit in there y-yeah alright let's try it again don't do that how about this how about I'm not gonna add more information the information that I have on the table okay expect that and I'm not gonna add more all right okay so when I was nine years old every day for summer I was brutally molested by a guy with Down syndrome I'm gonna let it slide that was pretty good oh that was really good yeah that was really good and I'll tell you why every day is because he okay so I lived in Minnesota people don't know and you did yeah for eight years that's landed a long giant yeah I know I used to fitted I know Minnesota I lived and there was a you know during the summers there was like a feel but in the winter it's like that ice-skating rink and there's a Shack in this field so there's a Zamboni you know what a Zamboni is right it cleans the ice yeah right hockey so during the summer there was like a pretty big Shack and there was a guy with Down syndrome that was that lived in it was a man a grown man I was a man okay and he had candy on these rafters and he was lure kids in with the candy Wow and he wouldn't like you couldn't that suck as a different like that but he was like he would show his penis right and then like squeeze your ass it was like weird you know but like I didn't give a fuck about I just wanted the candy kind of can retarget like the one the dipping ones dippin dot all of those right yeah so every day and this is like this is connected to my addiction I'm willing to do anything to get what I want that's interesting right so even as a kid it's like I want the candy all right if this guy's gonna ever this if this guy's dick it's bad for me because a guy with Down syndrome penis is different was it yeah did it look down I don't really remember but it was it was just like it did I don't know man is that why they call them down sit good ideas who want you to look at my file yeah don't play innocent nobly innocent I was a plan words for real curious I don't want a soul there are people who have children who are down there let's not let's not you don't know we're not making fun no we're not we're not making fun yeah attention like that but I'm not a doctor it's not a doctor or a scientist but no it doesn't go down so you did that for the dippin dots right goddamn you not giving dogs how did you you threw in dipping the tip stick we're all throwing things in here yeah yeah and so he was like if you want that suck this he insane yeah talk like that but don't paraphrase it yeah well that's what happened in the nutshell right so then check this out so then that happened and then when I was 12 I started my parents had my dad is alcoholic and you guys to have this refrigerator in the garage and my mommy's just stocked with liquor and so I suggest every night we'd go into the garage and just get 12 even before school that's out more often started right and then really yeah so then when I was 17 this actually happened I was at a I would at a Recovery Center called Ocean View Recovery Center it was in Oceanside California and they have this thing called knees to knees so it's basically what you do is you sit in front of your parent and you touch knees on two chairs but then all the other kids is family they're around in a circle around you it's so embarrassing I'm already embarrassed right my brother was there I was 14 at a time my mom was there and my dad your brother can't wait to make fun of you what no he does so check this out so uh I'm used to these with my dad and I go yeah when I was nine I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome and then you can hear his pawns in the room and this is what my dad did he fucking laughed and then I made my brother laugh like my brother's like tears coming down my brother and my mom's not laughing and then I start laughing and they think that we're fuckin just crazy yeah but sometimes you brought your dad probably didn't know what to do he's out of him what he did what you did earlier yeah well it's right it's such a curveball yeah it's such a mindfuck yeah yeah yeah you don't know what to do but laughs yeah yeah it does it's kind of like but it's only with the dicks that's not the dick though oh that wasn't that wasn't a dick no oh you did psyche tear down some guy's dick on the Zamboni maybe maybe not I don't know okay but then after that after that I'm not gonna name names cuz I still talk to some of these guys but you're worried about telling the story now no I wouldn't do it I'm happy to say their names I'm not gonna say their names I mean I just had a good know I had a dude that you a kid that was like popular and then like he would come in soon when I was drinking like at 12 he would spend a night and then he would go suck my dick and grab my head and make me such day really yeah I'm like five or six times how old are you 12 huh and you just do it well I mean I don't know if how good I mean I was just like it was a kind of like I don't know how to do I never it's not porn at the time right so I guess it's just like I made this face you know mean yeah yeah and I didn't you know how you're supposed to wrap your lips around the penis I don't know I know you don't well no I know you don't but I'm just saying you've seen porn before right so you've seen women give guys blowjob yes I didn't do that I think I just left the guy gigantic gap yeah so he felt nothing oh but it was still in my mouth I think right that counts five or six times huh so you guys would grab an old cold brewski then he'd grab your hair and make you sell his dick yeah mm-hmm okay you're gay dude please explain this conspiracy theory it's not a conspiracy theory it's well known what happened so he's we gotta loosen the delete honey Bruce Lee died like an overdose aspirin right to do now there was a there was a squabble between the producer Simon chow and he killed Bruce Lee and then years a years later he killed Brandon Brandon do you think that's complete bullshit I don't like the wait you said that okay it's not fucking bullshit okay I think so because it's I saw a whole documentary on Bruce Lee let me ask you something right now damn let me ask you say this Brendan said and he laid down skating and they start polyps what I know you know what you knew we said to me out there what I got Brendan Shan what's his name sob sob trying to shop shop dude Baba yeah sha Shan because I go brilliant I'm filling in for DeSean here and then he goes oh I'm leaving do you not say that oh because you have a crush on I love him yeah I'm in love with him he's Iike who is it yeah he's a purchase and did he not be here because I was gonna be here no he's in Syracuse doing stand-up is this your Q's doing my job you know what they call him we call it you know what we call Brendan hungry eyes because people who look at him have hungry eyes you know what ching chong said to me when i came here so sorry but ching chong goes you know my remember to change at all ting ting tong ting tong said that I misused I felt really weird about it why because it was a kind of creepy in a creepy way you know me like we have some sort of like bond because are you both the same Asian yes we are you're Korean how dare you Bobby he's acting like he knows you do you guys know each other yeah well then how come you do know mr. chan mian mian and they're coming come to me down there you don't speak male what we don't know - no mojo man we've done a circuit that don't come up let them speak yeah yeah well I'd be mastering so much that nothing really comes out Iran does up with know a rising drop or something your dick goes yeah yeah and I was making love to kalila day or night and you know you say that at sexy times and I was you know I'm about to I always announce it yeah I'm about the car I make the girl announces yeah I'd say tell me when you're coming out to come cuz that makes me it's gonna come right with them I have that you truck driving yeah welcome so I roll over thank you so I roll over and you know how you should start drinking are to come right all right I [Laughter] don't I just lock both hands I my man I go I go yeah this all belongs to you or I just say for now grab your last chance but in French fizzy test you oh sorry that's just personal shit yeah I do that you just got it use give you a flashlight into my dark bedroom go on over now after you did that you just sound so sad you jerk off I jerked off and I go uh I made the noise you know ah right and literally nothing came out yeah and she was watching me the whole time yeah and then I heard I got sorry it just got a whole lot more talented in here we had the one and only last year's guest of the year to come back to back let's just declare me 2017 guest of the year dude it's gonna be tough to meet Bobby Lee let me what you brought the heat I'll be alright I'm pretty confident I'm pretty confident and also it's the fighter and the kid but it we're back to being Rappaport and the fighter because Bryan Callen the 50 year old Bryan Callen couldn't make it run a little bit well Bryan Travolta and we say that you're vaulting serious fucking air is he late and and let's remind that the folks you tell me if I'm wrong with your Bobby Lee's and your other guys your buck guilty what's the highest rated fighter in the kid episode ever I'd have to look for probably one with you on it no no no no no when I guest hosting oh yes that was a big one yes no not that a big warning let's say you you wouldn't know cuz that was like last year's last year yeah but but ever that was the biggest either the kid episode ever of 2016 well mm you had to gone up oh yeah okay so I'm as safe to say that the episode that bryan callen wasn't there it did did what he did well yeah witching which makes you think like this like a fucking dead weight I win this fuck boy the 54 when the fifty a coffee guild fuck boys yeah man fuck fuck man on the other side of his life who shows up late for guests see that means that getting taken for granted the other thing is we had to switch it right like to 9:30 big fucking do you know I'm saying I'm saying that we did that for you because I know you got a busy day shooting and then he's saying all I'm something with the Goldbergs Callen you're so full of shit who you don't fucked up showing up late today hey it's okay we're take I'm good it's higher that's just a fucking fact the ratings for the other so they're gonna be high and then when he comes no we put him in the fucking guessing you know my house like a little guest yeah might have to we put him like like like he's like the guy over there like we died we're like we talking me like no no we're not finish it and then we'll go back to okay but I I never I never um I never um what is it called promote shit but I want to say the I am rapport stereo podcast doing a live show in New Orleans for all-star cold snap next weekend next weekend in New Orleans the 18th we're at live at the joy theater oh shit son and the live shows are good you know you guys will definitely inspired us with the live show yeah so if you're in New Orleans you down there for all-star break the I am Rapoport stereo pot which can they get the tickets at www.wku.edu/oucampus what excuse me you didn't have any fucking issues you sit down in the guest seat sit down in the get sea sick that we flowers not happy man your lace started sit down in the guess seat look tell us what your issues are Nitin you're gonna make I come on come on come on three TV shows it okay as you know right okay and sometimes scheduling can be happy in this chair for cuz you're you can't just pull your way into my tell you you're a bigger yeah I don't know how I'm gonna get you out you're a guest today where's the camera this kind of shit this is this is I've never been more disrespected in my life I've had a rough day I had to work scheduling shoes I got a live show in San Francisco and I have to shoot the same day okay what was your say be rapper time I like how's the schedule good out like yeah what was the schedule you do not set a lot yet your volt so like tell me what this guy shit on my Mannie cuz he still doesn't work on me anymore no now what I do is set people in they go your call times nine it's not like getting calm like I listen I got this thing like yeah they don't care what's your schedule by the way by the way you're hurting yourself by showing up because I wonder where I reminded be shop that the highest-rated fighter in the kid episode is what what episode I don't want if you say it don't it who are you he's totally my you do the numbers oh you do the run the numbers but the highest-rated fighter in the cab without it you don't come on my podcast you start talking about how you get higher rated Raptors you rap I'm not here rappers take it oh what am i doing you sit there in the guest spot for a little bit yeah get out of my seat so tell us why you're late and then we'll see if alien I kinda grab you and Hollywood awhile so you tell me I don't think a bullshit me today what you tell me the bullshit my Karen's resumes like this it's a nice solid resume its building it's big but but you busy man but you we're talking about like no yeah yeah then you go like that it's like it's like it's like if we if we if I pull down my loaf I'd be like yeah Bryan Callen and then there's right there's like it's like there's a little noise Bryan Callen puts his loaf on the table like that and then the gringo mandingo puts is this like UK the Krag thing good you caught the grand you caught although the heavy you like trap music um challenge that grew you fucker one now I mean try and trap like in trap like who am i fuckin with like right now trap like yeah like your playlist of traffic goddamn I mean my plants eat it's all I would you listen to on the way almost cool when it comes to trap but would you listen to on the way over you're just in general like yeah so that you are the phone with your aging about your schedule I had my I had Asian stuff to do and cuz I got I'm wanted I'm do you do your eyebrows do it now I'm doing three TV shows now what are the TV show you're doing the Goldberg yeah own spin-off on ABC will get you apart but mostly what happens and then I got give you shot that yet now I have a shot that yeah but bout to about to and TV probably won't be the same doesn't matter and then what's the third show did you make that up with the Kingdom Kingdom I'm on Kingdom that's the one Yap I like that show that's the guy oh that actor I like a girl what Frank Grillo that's the guy you you fucked him right he you bet him fuck you in here to say that he's no he's been talking about Frank Carillo I didn't know it Frank Grillo its grill don't say gorilla it's Colonel Carrillo yes it right I was learned he should be you should be you let him I don't do that man he's my good buddy and don't say that but he's like has a fucking man crazy I never said my gosh Frank you know he's good-looking he's an ass kicker he's gonna be a big star but like he's a good-looking he's got a great jawline like he'll fucking kick anybody's I'm like okay you know Frank Carillo I'm like you just told me about him yesterday Frank has he been on the show gorilla yeah you not even considered guest of the year all right take it easy no I'm just saying like okay but don't be competitive here he's not Michael Rapaport on the mic we'll put it down but I'd like but Frank yo fire your publicist fire your manager you hire a brother walking talking no fuck boy fuck man fuck man fuck Mick is your calf is you all know you know what though I like that you said boy because I got such a youthful Peter Pan vibrator fit you do it he's be vibrancy there is no Peter Pan yes vibrancy is what comes to your mind when you look yes vibrancy yes that's that's what comes to my mind so anyway um I'm pretty down with most of the current trends right now I won't tell the bumps um mean goes who bump a little 221 Savage I love this when we went to Atlanta front row Magic City you guys go to Magic City hell fuck yeah maybe we did maybe we did it helped I would love to see him in one of them spot I'm W to the white well huh hey rap you know it's ass yeah it's straight talker I want to get paid today in cash for the ladies because you said it well do I need to show the Texas dude we got a guy I have to go soon but I need to get paid look for it because I haven't been paying the back we're gonna bail be I have a t-shirt for you I'm gonna thank you I mean I got the gringo mandingo that's a dope shirt are you soft yeah not like those like t-shirts yeah double X cuz I know your true goon I know you want to wear it like it's like and I got this text from the Backstreet Boys this is dope butter soft iron rapport t-shirt the gringo mandingo edition cuz you are a true gringo mandingo it has nothing to do with physics in essence why do you write this to me what that what I write a before this the text I get cuz I know he's gonna do the part what why do I get three texts all separate coming a fuck brother 9:30 a.m. not true okay boom then I get gonna take you real early real nice never said that I don't respond never said that - he waits then I get another I got full balls and a nice pipe never said finally I go well no it's I'm not into that never say then he goes and I get another one this is yeah true watches yeah 9:30 take a shower I don't respond again I get I don't know what victim he's like he's like the person I'm feeling I'm trying to make him go away I get this I just not true people I get this text it stands on what I'm saying clean it I said that I go I won't and now you go yeah just clean it bro come on man I want to take take it clean to make it messy brother I know I said that I don't ask for a lot true and then I get I ignore that and then I got another one clean to dirty I never said that you are you you sexually that sexual terrorism really that's not fucking true sexual true I want to make sure that that's not true it's text terrorism and I could have you I can actually see you for assault for that and I just read it and we have a public record of it right now it's but it's not true so that's not true I don't want you to say that I have a reputation to me this is no no hey you touching me you you have never stopped working nah your show a BTS you the new edition with new edition you know BT you know that channel of black entertainer Thomas um I'm in the black culture yeah but you know it but that was shoe is it the biggest show on beat it I'd be 20 million 20 million was huge it was choose that way when I saw it was because they were at what award show were that no they had they did the whole date the round yeah they did any or to fucking kid they showed like a clip of it I see fucking rap like I played I played there's a male drag man and you drain them for every fuck away really that's real life I totally have you seen it's like right this man new edition oh no this new edition knew his boy no but knew it boys and them was produced by one of the guys in new edition but it's new edition we said it four times before you said just to show he doesn't listen to a fucking word he's just waiting like we said the new edition movie the new edition was the best and he goes woods boys to men I thought new edition was a new edition of the movie I'm sorry no but anyway it was cool I was glad I did it I'm so uncool and and I got the live show get said where's the live show let's just see if Brian was listening I know you could say where's my live show coming up live show my Rappaport live show what's it what state what's it what state is it in doesn't know motherfucker you at all know this valley right doesn't listen it's in the Pacific Northwest they're coming up this Saturday the joycie yes you have yes 5:30 great New Orleans before the slam dunk contest I am Rappaport toward comm you do anything at the all-star game are you involved in I'm doing the video I'm doing a little bit I'm do I'm doing a little I have to leave a racket I'm doing it a little bit what's great well we're supposed to be down there when I any more risk was to be down there to do a show yeah not a live show which was do that show hot ones hot ones okay but I'm in Nashville you should be on there I with the wings were rescheduled okay the wings I did it you know I was the number one guest on that all right relax bro how hot were those wings no I will carry hottest fuck we're witness to it I think it more first five six you're gonna be like this is are they and then it gets into like there was a house there was actually point where I I like I like like it was almost like you got punched in the face like I was like like that hot cuz I did some homework I watch it and you'll see key and peele doing it and the what keys like oh you're still interview he's like huh give me such a fun show but I literally like it felt like I was like like that like that did you get um did your mouth swell up are you okay nothing swell up what it was it like when you pooed it was all good man but I but it honestly felt like I had gotten like literally smacked habanero sauce or some July voting member right goes pepper let me answer the question see again he's not even listening to like the fact that he asked me a question it's a good show I like doing it I am the number one guest there's been bigger Kevin Hart's been on alert as Lord I think my shit was a little bit more entertaining that he's a great Kevin Hart well I'm saying like I didn't win guest of the year 2015-2016 and now I've laid that I've laid the lovely just good say that you won 2017 no disrespect this comedian yeah Larry people decide well that's what we're gonna do let the people decide but don't start you're casting yourself already as the winner and that's not cool I'm sure I'm a little cocky and won two years in a row as a track record like last year I came in in July and you guys look good this would did it and who's the female comedian she was on you guys said she had just been on the the writer and Liza's we know Whitney coming you guys like what she was great I was like Whitney's great I said but I'm here now you hear so like a woman I want to get paid yes disappearo hey man how much on your way out see see there are cost yeah do I have to pay for parking nope they Valdai at the front okay okay you're in the new studio yeah funds have changed okay fine alright yeah well we appreciate coming on man I appreciate it anytime yeah great we appreciate you having me and Brian on yours because it's so cool that you always hit us up you know I know what by the way that it's me I feel like I feel like fucking amazing mission son I feeI I mean I had grant Brendan on we talked about the lake for a Kimbo Slice and and you know we've we've done shit and again the highest-rated do the math a janae the highest the highest-rated fighter in the kid was actually fighter and Rappaport I don't like this I don't like that's a fucking fact fact I don't like this bullshit so I want that on the Internet but you are a liar I'm happy about the sign off you know I fuck with you hard body karate any time you guys want me you guys are gonna do some reads do some shit talk about gonna make some money I'll finish the show I have to use the bathroom and I have to go are you about them too yeah Michael Rapaport are you gonna pause it later Michael Rapaport 2017 guests of the I'm not saying that you know these fucking hipsters winter you know like we were all the same there's gentler genderless no or not cuz if I pull this loaf out first are you gonna be shocked okay exactly I blow oh the fucking gringo mandingo we're talking right here I thought now it's my piece like that so what yeah that's that's what makes you even more mesmerized right but like we should celebrate our differences and accept like we want to be genderless I know but then then didn't come talk to me I I don't get the big deal like with with women not being a Navy SEAL okay cool just that's not for you men can't do a lot of shit women can do who gives a fuck a lot actually comes to physical attributes men are just better stronger stay stronger well they're faster stronger but you're seeing better see I'm trying to protect you from the fucking I'm trying to hit there's a Linda Felina fucking done yes just our Lena fucking Dunning I'm saying when it comes to Navy SEALs the guiltiest white person on the planet do you know anybody else was more white guilt and Lena Dunham that that should be the Clippers do you know any white person on the planet Earth with more white guilt than Lena fucking dumb done him the woman who had a show on the air for six years bring her she had a showing it's called girls that took place in Brooklyn with no black people in it this is the guiltiest white lady in the world in her didn't she blocked you on she blocked me up why did she block you I'm so hard in the paint at her not naive but but just like in that kind of way I don't like talk about like no you know like looks or anything like that that's not that's not my thing yeah it's just like she liked the voice the fact that she she's anointed herself the voice of her generation to me is you can do better you can get a better voice here there's better voices you know I'm surprised by and I saw you ranting us at those brilliant but those white supremacist then neo-nazis I can't go don't go call that I can't believe that shit still exist I was like what the fuck you know like if you really want to get it poppin wired like if you want to get it poppin why are you doing out there going you know where to find a once let me know I'll go into Brooklyn new Newport News they were down in Virginia go to Browns you know let me know how it works out for you see how that works out there with that Bush and did they go in Atlanta with their fucking skinny jeans like like the ones that that were on camera like there was like a couple of them like there's one guy with sunglasses I think it was a blind neo-nazi he's up there doing this shit covering his fucking finger you know but like they like where are these guys during the daytime like can we pull their Instagram like I want to go see him like yo what's really good man yeah I know doing this Heil Trump shit I mean Trump you know is a real fuck boy I'm Jewish you know a real fuck boy is Jared Kushner he's an Orthodox Jew Sunday dinner with Donald Trump you're not getting into a fight with your father-in-law shame on you you fucking panty wearing pampering taking motherfucker Jared Kushner is a bitch made and he's a mother fucker he's an Orthodox Jew Jesus I guarantee you he bleeds every month like a little fucking bitch he is a fucking bitch these people are saying hail Trump and you say nothing you have nothing to say about that you're an Orthodox Jew your father is the for your father-in-law's that easy is the president of United States you got nothing to say shame on you motherfucker you dip the face dumb motherfucker I can't stand that motherfucker that's it yeah you've been here for at all what's up you've been here fertile visit the whole show it's it's it's it's August it is you want to give me the guest of the year bail now should I just come back in January well help I have to get it made no it's a little while okay I'm done I'm fucking done be done man fuck out of your paint on homeboys everything I have you can you know you're coming to clean my house in and I want it done by the end of the month we're not like August and early September I'll give you September I'll give you some to pay off shit dad let me send your dick pigs get over your whole thing watch the watch the smut off you from that fight and then you're coming to my crib you will don't you brother thing Jay you and Jay you can do fucking I want you guys in Palma now I'm videotaping the whole thing I might have some pom-poms there to put it both another fuckers I love it man well the officer you can find you fucking all over big three Michael wrap - fucking policy football fantasy football this book has balls calm pre-cum we'll do it with Brian he'll talk about your book critique it you're the best brother he'll talk about like how he read it like Brian Council would like probably the biggest fake reader on the planet the biggest if you name any book girl I read that bullshit he didn't read shit with it with the he's got like a DD on steroids monster motherfucker no he's sitting down reading here's ago I read that in The Times and The Wall Street Journal motherfucker I saw the same tweet you favorite encourages like whole I read Dostoevsky no what no you didn't where's the books you didn't read Shannon I think he reads his fucking scripts I did a movie without a book in his house fucking his own scripts he shows up you fucking learns his lines it shows up there now you liked it you liked and I don't want it but you like to fuck well my question is did you ask Kellyanne Conway did you get anything hey those bags aren't under her eyes because she's getting a lot of sleep all right well keeping her up she was I saw this fucking ice on his beluga whale and I said I saw this this Narwhal with the huge unicorn then I said that they put it up my ass and massaged my prostate oh ho that's a really good that's what I did with the polar bears that's really good Wow man this has become a very strange story thank you for sharing it though and we really appreciate know what else is fucking new oh hey I want to say I want to tell your audience to go head over to youtube youtube / Will Sasso TV and we have a short that I made with yours and mine honey Thank You Kyle follow me I have to be honest that that is that is a social media love it I tweeted out I tweeted it out yeah I [Laughter] came over I thank you hyeyeon that one yeah it's got a special it's called Brian's tweet retweet yeah it is hilarious a lot thanks Lady Gaga because you have 20 min what do you what do you find yourself youtubing most of the time besides polar bears and all sorts of well one thing I like to do is you do anything and you just put ytp in front of it which means youtube poop have you done this no I sure I'm always down with the kids and what they're what they're doing I have something yeah you too ytp what's this stand for if YouTube poop so any version kids have rieta tudeng on the internet so if you if there's any subject you like for example last night's joint address you just put YT p and then joint address pretty soon people will have made wacky little videos about that ah and the editing is crazy and it's called youtube poop ah anyway so please youtube poop follow me go to youtube.com slash will sasso TV and take follow me and Marshall cooks a hell of a director anyway yeah we made this stupid fucking thing it's funny though it's a lot of fun I really enjoy I wanted to it's a satire it's about a guy and he's got a wife and kids but he's addicted woefully addicted to all the social media apps and it's about that and it's something relevant right now that's trying to make it you know make something that's like you know funny but sad and shows sort of how people are are you doing well no I was telling him earlier it's great because I'm addicted to I'm still addicted to dough and cheese so really nothing gets closer to that yeah close um I might addicted to my phone yeah when I don't have my phone with me I do reach for it feel weird right yeah it feels weird I do yeah you know I like to check my Instagram feed I realized not too long ago that I need to either find out who among my real people in my life are on Instagram and add them to or just stop looking at Instagram because here's this person and here's that guy and there's this you're all have a person I don't really have a personal thing with or at least not anymore and it's you're just I'm still peering into your life your voice Stone Cold Steve Austin was on the show yesterday and he was saying how awesome he's asking about snapchat he was asking about yeah he's like should I go on snapchat I need snapchat like they got all them fucking filters you can make your face look like a little fucking girl with the shiny fucking diamonds and shit you can even have a fucking clown face or a fucking dog with where your tongue comes out he's if y'all want to see Stone Cold Steve Austin as a dog a cute dog with his tongue flapping out give me a hell yeah what oh yeah Brian don't do that while I'm doing it I'm just doing a little bit of a bit but we like to hey that's what being killers we fed yeah bit killer even I'm I'm Steve cold Stone Cold Steve all stone Steve hold is ice-cold that's hot stone it's not bad that is pretty good you know we do on 10-minute podcasts I'll do an impersonation and then Tommy just doesn't want to hear it so he just goes I'm shitty so and so so he does shitty Hulk oh shit it doesn't sound like him at all it's actually my favorite thing and then it's like 2:00 p.m. and then chatter I'm good to talk and it's way but yeah don't ever don't do you want to do some impersonal yeah I do would you like to yes okay let's play a little game all right you give me an impersonation maybe something you've never heard me do before maybe maybe something that I can't do and then I'll do it and then you do the shavers and I'm all the Tommy black I'm pretty good man that's tough you know what let me you've done it but I'd like to compare the two okay I'd like just Trump let's start easy let's start easy with Trump you're already making the face because you don't know what you're doing yes don't fucking like talk about drink don't judge my fuck will that will it meet just so I'm not biased me chin and agent a will vote super I love it okay here's here's a little bit we're gonna yeah we're gonna just do something a little simple saying yeah okay let's paint a scenario let's pretend we're in the Oval Office yeah we're just having a little fun Donald Trump let's say he's watching me and Kellyanne Conway he would say yeah bending over and fucker hard will now you say it I'm not gonna say something that why Noah sahjhan is okay because and I really mean this it's cheating that's actually not bad and it's mean it's not bad yeah that's actually pretty good yeah I have nothing to do with Russia Russia Russia you gotta put a little rest I had nothing to do with the Russian Russia say China I have no whisper China China no whisper China China but make it readily China China China China China that's pretty good it's not bad that's really good I'm a brilliant mimic keep going what else we'll do another one I am Ray Romano I've never done it's a relevant automation that kids need to hear like my brother hi well we found ray my brother's tall my brother my brother's tall ice tells me what to do with my my parents are here it's been a long time since I've ever I've never tried that's terrible don't stop back it's so bad hold on it's it can you do criminal fraud it's similar to say John Denver John Denver now Linda Ronstadt now Linda Ronstadt yay fucking sad it's so sad for me to do that's when you know you get hermit B frog I am permit yeah fuck I am Kermit the Frog I didn't grow up with these guys you didn't grow up why you study ray well let me give you this Clint Eastwood oh let him go first we're not doing no Clint Eastwood you can't hey I think he yeah Diane Diane ain't much of a living boy yeah Diane Diane ain't much of a living alright this one's on you right give me your best Russian will end on this give me your best Robin Russian Russian I would like to do John Malkovich in rounders oh my god one of my favorite chick chick chick pay him Pierre that me and his many that's pretty fuckin good I like to do just a Russian but I have to think about what kind of rock oh very good give me a Siberian KGB operative deep just in a snow cover inside you are you are here not for Wallace but because you got enemy of the state all right Dracula because I was pretending to be Dracula but in fact I'm from Russia you must die because what a mere poop yes it's pretty good it's pretty good yeah I'm very good impressions are stupid I like Dracula I've always liked I've always wanted to be I've always wanted to say this and I don't know how to do it but when the wolves howl we're gonna howl and I want you to say ah the children of the night what sweet music they make so as Dracula as Dracula and I'd like you to be involved in this too way I'm howling well yo how and if you want to do Dracula and try your hand at Dracula you can as well hear it so beautiful and then you say ah the sweet children of the night what's the second part what sleep music what sweet music they play right they make they make yeah but do it with a little more relish ah they sweet other sweet children I the children of the night what sweet music they make ah they children and the children of the night what sweet music they make it's a little yeah come on come on kid give Arnold Dracula this is my biggest role to date almost watching the history well let's cut to a clip let's cut to a clip oh yeah you guys have a clip of Arnold Schwarzenegger's drag yeah you know tell us about working with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Arnold Schwarzenegger Dracula it must've been amazing it was really or the wolf right I was the wolf and you have that scene where you guys communicate me you know I got to say he did a great job he was he was scary and I believe drank believable he was very disciplined why we cut to a clip here we are here's a clip of Arnold Schwarzenegger in Arnold Schwarzenegger's Dracula these sweet did children of the night yeah what sweet music did it make yeah you look so much range on this is most like yes just out of the Bob dude you're like was half Wardrobe in half leg was that like that Andy Serkis CGI yes and Bob you look amazing how about this we found a clip of Donald Trump back in 1987 what when he wanted to be an actor I don't know if you ever saw that well they Dracula that's right he was in that dancers in Donald Trump's critic and we have a clip where the guy says would you like some wine and and Donald as Dracula said no I never I never drink vine and it's really okay look yeah have a look so why don't we cut to that clip that's all he says though count would you like some wine no I never drink wine and they're not the best scariest I know the scariest sorry like Donald Inc commit to the roll you guys also have a clip of is this true Hulk Hogan he was due ww that's like expendable for nine yeah he plays Dracula Dracula it was like right in between no-holds-barred and suburban demands reacted to the wolves again and what was the line well it was are the children of the night yeah what sweet music they make I can't wait to get my hands on them oh okay that's right got that yeah okay I want to cut to the clip yeah yeah yeah dude Wolfe roller are the children of the night dude what sweet music they make brother yeah dude yeah brother would you like some lime count no dude I never drink wine brother milk is for babies awful Alfred you got a drink beer dude or unless you're making a protein shake brother crack a few eggs and they're awful Alfred and then you could drink it back we put a banana in there we put this special green powder dude and then any blood and then the blood I want to drink your protein blood Wow yeah it's really really good yeah thanks that was really amazing let's have a look at this clip far the children of the night what sweet music they make I forgot about Ray Romano playing drags my wolf brother is very tall and my wolf parents are here and my wolf wife wants to go to the ballet but I want to watch football really good Wow yeah Romano and also really relevant impersonations to that all the youngsters yeah okay all right man but don't get all physical with myself rough you up a little bit rough yup that's so what are you doing besides a enough all night and drinking tequila here I'll fucking mess sounds like a good time though I don't drink yeah take your sunglasses off Noah leave a loss instant I know your eyes would kill with whatever you bid man if it's Izzy I was on the road there water the jug of water tries to be crate always has the jug allow much water do you drink of death and why are you sweating I don't know it's fucking hot out there I'm wearing two shirts and a hat I'm a big guy I have a slight salt imbalance coupled with a possible thyroid problem what you guys leave me in here I was talking about your fucking set if you can call something a set yeah it's in a you know a room that the fourth kid gets in a fit big for a twin size bed hey don't be do do not be a disrespectful I'm just saying you got all sorts of bullshit yeah all right you I did your 10-minute podcast yeah destroyed was oh yeah it's by the way I am it did the 10 minute podcast yeah thank you so much for sitting in and I was amazing but here's the thing well you you still in that dumb basement yeah in my house changed a fucking thing well I gotta keep your voice down and to do my podcast all you got to do is go downstairs so who's the domain although this room is way bigger than the room we do the 10 minute podcast in and mine could use a lick of paint I feel happy yeah I'm happy to be here I'm always happy to speak to your audience tung city yourself city yourself one of the family we've taken to you so strong as Claire we're going to get along very good and we're song City so Annie is that from Annie no it's from Oliver Twist the furniture you haven't got much to spare who cares what I love yeah alright good strata who's nice yeah yeah no I've never been down there after me what do they call they call lobsters bugs out there yeah they do while they're in the boat of Resident shut the fuck up about animals I'm just talking about Australian well and he was so happy why do we call them bugs cuz yeah I'm tell you this right now yeah yeah yeah yeah watch your tongue okay what's gonna happen what are you gonna do use some of that boxing you been doing shut up Brian will you fight Lisa give a shit well well kind of see what I said to fuckin Chris D'Elia serious man yeah who who's that listen if you're feeling froggy you got a head and leap all right now you're looking for trouble can you be in disrespect downing water-table hey trouble here okay drop here let me tell you something what you remember a while back speaking to him in a podcast thank you for sitting in for Tommy blotchy and remember the time that you wrote a letter to Chad Kultgen because years ago we're working on a project and Chad and I was training in mixed martial arts yes and Muay Thai yes let's be let's be clear I'm I was a guy in his you know mid 30s training in my time yeah just kind of rolling around you know just having my trainer Harold Dimond you know you would kick the bag and some nice Harold diamond would say that kick right there would split somebody's liver yeah yeah yeah sure good times brought the thing about it is I was just like a big you know just a big sloppy fat dude in the gym don't be that mean yourself I'm not I'm a pragmatist I'm a realist and you wrote a letter to Chad cos Chad said if I had a year tune I'll be able to put will and really choke and you explain to him the difference between a dog and a bear you wrote him a female essay well he wrote your trainer he wrote I wrote my Bolton who's a writer and is about five seven and though he's not a five-pin he's not five ten yeah it's a ridiculous thing to say no but I'm I'll go with will on this cuz you're always fine everytime seven without question there's no no probably about 510 okay let's see five nine he's five nine 171 65 okay I put about 185 now your stop just walking around you stopped me to me I mean any regular guy and not a regular got baseball played some base hell of a baseball player is the thick dude he played me stormed out school he played baseball up until last year and he said I think I could take well if I trained and I had to explain to him that that just wouldn't happen you wrote him in the essay I wrote Chatham is a nothing else no he wrote him a long essay come out do yoga in the bed Ottoman Baron that he posted on his website because it was it was it was well respond the same way the guy was dead serious that he could be with yeah dad is always serious take a minute I I haven't met this guy no I don't believe so he's a he's fantastic writer producer and he his contention was he wasn't saying this would definitely be what happened but he said he goes I think if I had a year to Train and I put on what he said something ridiculous he said like 20 pounds of Moses crisis he writes yeah but he's just yeah and he'd never had any training so he's just a big fight fan you know he's a huge MMA fan and he also said he could you could potentially beat a whale in a fight well if I got if I got my fingers deep in its I I feel like it would be like and then I would kind of technically win the fight so his point was thought he could take willed like I had to explain him that will is if well was motivated and strong will would world's very hard to hurt for a guy's never really punched him you know and I said also that will want it to he said you're a prideful man but you need to understand the way the universe works a dog ain't beat beating a bear a silverback ain't here in a peep out of a chimp either yeah not a peep and didn't get through to this game yeah yeah Chad said uh you know I'm telling you very realistic I think I didn't think in but a lot of this stuff don't save enough reddit 50 times because dub Davidoff couldn't believe that his friend Bryan Callen would take this much time to break down yeah the shoe man let it stay but one of the things I always say about you is that when guys when guys who are regular guys have played some sports and have some pride will say well how would that would you do against Brendan I go are you asking really how you would do against Brendan and then they go yeah I go what you need to know about him and it's not it's a hard thing for you to hear as a man is that if Brendan wanted to fuck you he could fuck you it wait that's so we're not beating us all but no but that's all very important thing to understand there's there's BP somebody help and then somebody who can truly impose their will on you well if fuck look and I appreciate that you're a bottom-line guy and when someone is coming to you with a you know question they're sort of beating around the bush saying when you you zone right and you go I know what you want to know you want to know if you could what you would do with my preaching and they all go it and then you just cut the conversation off with he'll fuck you so that they stop it's abrasive it's a little trick but here's here's where here's where this is story that I got this from from an interesting experience I'm in fear school in New York City you've never been in New York shut up that's Jay I know come on come on let me just get through so you've never been on a fucking cruise nobody goes on cruises guy nobody wants to old people can do it every story on the truck did when I was a kid I was in try worked at the nursery when fucking late eighties early night I don't give I was fucking into all the glanced around you don't know how to drive a try Datsun truck would you let me just some people either in New York and ballet school I'm in I'm in theater school and there was a guy who was a giant do any fuck who who is no he was he happened to have been a professional ballet dancer and had never fought but he was I you know me I have I've spent enough time and looking at men and doing sports like wrestling whether it was talking where I know I can see how much lovely to see if you were to fight somebody how much that would be to manage if they were motivated to fight and if you're a regular guy those a guy was built like me but not really had never really done any sports he was built like me but he lifted weights cool he would do yeah he would do bench press and he would do pulldown yeah regular guy but never done any sports and wasn't so athletic but he was kind of amply sized he was a little bigger than me maybe but whatever and he decided that because this guy they were doing a scene now in theater school and I don't know if you've ever had this experience but in theater school scenes can get very charged and emotional sometimes as they say you're making believe but your body doesn't forget that you're making believe in your body takes over and they only do charged work oh no I would define well that way all right what's like working will charged yeah yeah I only do intense work so fired kid 3d that time was I said what they said how was it with will on said I went charged charged intense yeah you ever lick a nine-volt no yeah just had a nine volt to you I have it burned you to charge do the car battery and keep it there for a few minutes anyway sorry going okay so this guy what they're doing a scene and and it's an improv scene and this guy starts to get macho with the big ballet dancer who was not gay but very kind of like you know he would wear nude so good they don't know he yeah maybe yeah you know and I was watching this and he started to shove the ballet dancer and the ballet dancer who was big and Germanic and just you know just all raw bones and had been dancing his whole life goes hit let's just say the guy's name is Chris he was Chris stop Chris stop just broke the scene and said the wrists yeah Chris kept getting in his face and pushing him playing the role yeah but he was he was trying to alpha dog and burn everyone in front of everybody and he was doing it in a sloppy kind of uncool aggressive way and he kept going Chris I said stop and finally he tried to put the ballet dancer in a headlock and I actually came at him and the ballet dancer flipped there was a sweat chance on his face he switched and he went the way a big brother does to a little brother he grabbed him around the body brought him to the ground and got on top of him and just got on top of him and God is like almost like an a half guard kind of got his leg and pushed him down and held him down and then put his arms under his neck and squeezed him into a spot into his chest and said and the cast Chris start going get out they got me he's like calm down calm down and go and he'd hold him until Chris started to cry he'd never been he'd never been in that situation he'd never been physically imposed upon by another man if I was like that crying I get up and go and see [Laughter] [Applause] just go well charge well Joe got a rocking right you've gotta realize this was a kid who'd never been in theater school this is all new emotional work a lot of boys grow up especially in this country where emotion and all that shit is not comfortable we're being imposed upon if you've never done sports is really new like if you've never done a sport never been labeled level in the playing field and somebody shows you that and you're in your 20s yeah and you've never had no brothers assists yeah very weird to not get that going if you're you know I mean just if you played contact sports of shit starts happening literally eight you right away but there he'd never done that but you don't have a brother who in my case used to say meatball boy and fold my nose to my to my knees yeah he's 9 years older than me and he would grab me under the knees I'm like you need that stuff - yeah a 4 5 6 a 10 years old ah chubby 10 year old still doing meatball boy yeah how about the time that his body with an island like some people have that body where they're like no Island Bob no one's ever done that to them yeah and so that's a rebel boy that's a crisis at 23 and somebody's holding you down you can't breathe in front everybody and you literally can't move from under a man yeah he so I never forgot this my teacher who is this wonderful big gay man with the biggest mustache in the world who is still one of my heroes and he changed my life and he looked at him and he goes Chris as he was crying they stopped it you go Chris what happened here besides the fact that you almost got fucked he said that and that was I never forgot a reality check it was a reality check and there are there are those reality checks in life in general you ever see somebody who's never had to work out super hard and they're just so out of breath it's like what did Vince Lombardi say fatigue makes cowards of us all yeah first time you've ever been pushed to that degree I'm sure as an athlete when you guys put yourself to that or football or whether it would MMA I'm sure you saw guys break whoo yeah right everyone has a pretty cuz they were in a place where they didn't know how to get out of it that's just tough work you're gonna have a breaking point you know the giant German actor that does ballet is not breaking anyone I know but yeah yeah your story kind of you know yeah it's I mean you can tell me your story you know I'll listen to your stories but it's a little disrespectful come Ryan hey but here's what you're making an absolutely great point and it all comes back to the dog and the bear the silverback in the chimp whatever you want to say and this is why when you are a guy who you know is you and you're what five 170 right how you characterize doesn't matter because boxing and shit and the reason it made me laugh from the bottom of my gut is that if you ever step to me give a shit if we're in the theater class yeah I'll give a fuck if we're on a cruise to New York where we are especially respectful I'll fold you a full jet no yes and I'll toss you on top of the tallest building I see no have a look around don't laugh at that if there's a two-story building the seams here what are we on the third floor here yeah so this has got three floors this place yeah all the all the places in this whole complex three pretty cool stuff yeah there's lots of great shit outside there's as I was walking in I saw a food truck yeah everyone was ordering stuff yeah careful now looks like it's a good thing yeah if we were out there and I was in line and I was like yeah hi chicken Caesar no croutons and then you walked up and you shoved me out of the way and you would three food store cool and I would just fold you and turn you around and I would start spit and I go there it it and it's like oh there's one and three stories up fuck you you'd wake up gravel rash on the roof just crumpled up against an air conditioning unit what the fuck happens it grabbed you you'll get gravel rash [Laughter] they'll be up there tar in the gravel with their hot mops and you'll go watch you got a look you're hot it's hot up there you got some tar on guitar you got gravel ratchet in public yes little bony in my pants yeah a little shit a little shit in your pants listen I appreciate what you're saying and I get it I'm not a regular guy I got a lot of tricks here yeah that's the same thing as Chad I'll get will in the wind again I've been sitting down the punches lately doing a lot of sparring a measuring distance who's the guy that I say you can all unequivocally I always give you props and I say if that goes to a fight an organized fight and I would love to see it happen maybe we can set up some sort of charity I know what's happening Brian's taking that fucking dudes head off who's that who do I say that about CM Punk okay I don't know Brooks yes I always say that Brian at 50 years old yeah you'll be able to fucking you'd be able to you'd give a CM Punk a false sense of security he'd come at you and then you'd throw under them box and Bob spin kicks like you do on Instagram yeah get him into that gravel rash get them gravel round nothing rash you know get him in the hot mops in the black toilet tonight he's gonna fight again huh probably come on that'll be fun it's a nice compliment yeah careful so what I'm gonna say is I'll kick his ass and your fuck that hey I'll fucking both up listen I'm oh hey how about this yeah fuckin quote me I'll only fight CM Punk if I'm fighting Bryan Callen at the same time what do you mean because I want to show people the difference so I'm just a big what it Brennan and you as I walk in here yeah here he is a whites a albino Samoan the shaved polar bear what does a polar bear do there's a polar bear do any does he do any mixed martial arts in LA does he do any lifting wax no what does he do he drags walruses up onto that's right he lives he hunts and he lives yeah and that's what I do I hunt and I live yeah and it ain't a it's a it's a regular day on the ice for me to drag CM Punk and Bryan up out of the water onto my iceberg and just pools and pools of blood pools of blood regular that's regular day on the ice I gotta eat what am I gonna let Brian go because I'm eating CM Punk no you killed I'll fight CM Punk so long as I'm fighting bryan callen handicap match okay that's who won won and you guys got to wear matching shit fucking tag to you what the fuckin where you and CM Punk now hey will what was the tag team where they had the shoulder pads and spikes on them oh the road warriors yeah yeah yeah yeah road warrior animal and road where what I want what a rush I'm wear what I want what we need you to wear yeah no you guys yeah you guys want to wear but I want you to wear like yeah you guys are gonna wear spiky shoulder pads but I want the spikes digs no I want you guys in matching like killer beez outfits like B Brian Blair and joke around CM Punk used to be a professional wrestler and that's what I want you guys it's just no it's just a singlet you know it's just little de shorts at stripe striped with the killer bees just like bees like black and yellow and then you know some cute knee pads and then wings maybe at the back there are wings if you want whatever some be wings yeah yeah just for the entrance right and then and then you guys get in the ring and that's the only way I'll fight CM Punk what are you sick of Theo von I'm sick of celebrities telling people political stuff Tom I thought the basically the fucking Academy Awards yeah there's so much rich dude it's easy to be nice in a theater when you're rich dude yeah go to a poor theater dude hmm people are humming usually a sister hitting you in the back of the head with something for nothing for you didn't do anything I don't what grind your do but yeah I mean it could be an urban girl or your actual you know blood sister okay have you been an urban theater I mean it's just like hey just pop this black couple was behind you just straight-up talk oh yeah I guess like like there's no movie there's no etiquette and I'm not I'm not saying black people I'm saying urban deer it's a mix I go this one off yeah Heidi you you better hope you better hope it's a 3d movie with all out yeah it's interacting for a plot your fuck it's in our super far active they're eating three fucker yeah here it's it's that's fucking popcorn and damn dog you see that shit bro yeah dude is your movie theatre etiquette oh dude a lot of black people and I will say this cuz this is really factual and I've spent a lot of time around you know in the dark arts and I don't mean that's not black people in general that's how do you do that's black Matt is everything black man yep you know I grew up in a mixed neighborhood dude and black people don't really know they don't differentiate between indoors and outdoors who do you mean outdoors can be indoors dude what do you mean outdoors can be indoors black person you can put them outdoors and you put them indoors same volume levels same speed there's no inside voice there's no there's zero and snow and it killed me going to loose well they just don't I don't believe in I like a lot of structures and I don't know if I don't want to say would work but I want to say overall that they the difference between indoors and outdoors it when it comes from most credibly it's so incredibly vaguely racist they say that filter know what they say when they're poor it's true and a lot of people who are poor but it's a socio-economic thing so a lot of people that are poor a lot of times I guess have to rely on each other like they notice shit that that say rich people wouldn't notice yeah because they have to because the you you're kind of relying on your neighbor on usually sharing a bathroom there's a lot of stuff people are on you and acquittals people yeah you got any create sort of this this feeling of competition we're going to lower your voice when you're in the mall in the theater right that's what I'm hurt yeah yeah a lot of my black friends even do not pry yeah they don't have indoor voices what I'm trying to say but if you're Horning maybe you're sharper and you're here you're just more you're hungrier well dude I'll notice sometime my neighbor has a cat right they got some kind of a white cat yeah huge white I feel like a little too white white people and out the Illuminati well and sing and sing super film and single freaking women who just you know yeah the cat lady well I will notice dude honestly and I don't do morning masturbation thank God because I think that is honestly fur forbidden criminals do I can't imagine waking up and just spraying out the beginning of the day I would be heartbroken all day and try it but I'll notice if I'd have done that in the past that if I see my neighbor's cat cuz my neighbors kind of wait out there for me to come out of my door and I don't know if they I don't know what their behaviors are like in their head but he will wait out there for me to come out of my door and just kind of see what my vibe is and I'll notice I will feel more fear if I've masturbated before I've left the house when I see that animal then if I come out I'm fired up and my nuts are full no you know carrion like you come out with a loaded gun so the cat determines your day the cat how you react to the cat like depending on how full your balls are you're gonna react to that cat in a different way well I've only rarely if I ever masturbated in the morning you know uh my habit happens at night and it's just late at night and I just can't I don't know what's wrong with me but if I do it in the morning and I go outside I notice that I feel inferior to that animal whereas if I don't do it I don't like barely even notice mm-hmm dude I could not just only thing I could fight man I'm a one kid attack me once in school they can go really well I got a tight bunch of dogs dogs that's a different animal yeah but literally the dog two of them came back and attacked me on my birthday again a year later on your birthday swear to God when they come back they came back like this fools birthday lets you take any bites oh yeah it's Rico bites once in the hospital is my birthday I'm aroused eleven years old and then at 12 years old two of them came back and got me in here like they know that's what I'm saying man animals are insightful dude I feel don't have any animals I don't have any animals I'd like to get one one day but I got to get a somebody to be around the house and a teammate you know one dog international but you know I need a teammate zone to kind of help out and do you mean a fucking girlfriend sir yeah probably that and there's there's nothing going on there you got no no no leads or nothing this is a cold case I'll tell you so this is I mean I see my problem is I don't want to grow up sometimes and be an adult you know about relationships so you know I'll be out there either trying to skis around a little bit and feeling a shame to myself for doing that or I'll be trying to you know actively pursue a woman but but I won't want to I have some commitment issues so in the end it comes down to I gotta work on my issues before I can get back you really get in the game or maybe just haven't met the right one connect I wanna make you shut down yeah and that's my looking for God if you know the right one do you know I'm saying drop her off over there on greenfield app it's not easy to find the right one in Los Angeles it is very hard they don't make the right ones out here very often especially in your in in this best comedy business damaged goods man this is like that back alley at a Costco if you're a beautiful woman and you don't want to have any really responsibilities and you don't want to work hard and you want to meet an older man with money I don't try and get for it I'm sorry oh yeah keep it down it's true though but you it's tough to compete with that it's tough yeah oh dude it's tough when like you know you're texting some girl who's Steven Tyler's texting as well you know and he gots a jet I don't have a jet dude he got to jet I'm gonna sit there and decide for forty minutes for him to send the nicer uber to you dude I knew a guy he used to pay Vietnamese dudes come beat his ass dude for like a thousand bucks yeah guys and just be as those in the Hollywood Hills dude this dude would pay these two Vietnamese dudes drive up there five hundred each and beat the fuck out of them dude he's like you just got off on it yeah just got beat up and then I guess he'd just lay there something would go to bed I don't know I think he was here's what I think I think he was doing bad business dirty business and he felt bad about it but he didn't feel like he was able to stop doing the business because the money was making so he needed some sort of repercussion some sort of like like yeah so so he would do it basically like I well I'm gonna do this but yeah go and whoop that ass yeah I need to get doesn't make it right right doesn't make it right but at least I'm like I'm I'm getting my Halen prize yes at least there's some repercussions for my actions I'm paying a price so at least then you could like you know send a mass text to people you're fuckin over you just lay in there bleedin a couple of some of your money I made off of you if you hadn't kinky shit like that ever in your friends parties anything I feel like you live a crazy life man no did I grew up really in the you know now there were a lot of diseases I did a I did a I did a fundraiser last night I was at a fundraiser for lymphoma right and I've never even heard of it comedy fundraiser yellow foam in leukemia you know and I never even heard of lymphoma you know and no offense if anybody has lymphoma but I had um I grew up around rabies was like the hottest thing you get you know you'd be think good a rabies get bit by a squirrel or some shit where you're from yeah Coon that's from yeah there's a lot of animal stood or cousin anybody that's uh you know not taking good care of themselves so they spend a lot of time outdoors and you can to dead giveaways that people have rabies are if they're afraid to drink water and if they're kind of playing hide-and-go-seek by themselves a little bit like if you see them kind of yeah except them and that's uh that's rabies rabies yeah you don't know beat it times you die yeah and you can look that up dude I don't know what just quote actually you can Bobby just close your eyes and no you know and now they work that's the dark arts boy I fell asleep in Smashing Pumpkins concert that's a great concert yeah well I mean it could have been I fell asleep I fell asleep at the wheel probably at least 40 times I fell asleep during driver's ed while I was driving the car as a dry fly the guy operate that's not the the man the adult with the license like you're gonna fall asleep I was like no way dude 16 seconds later fucking dead asleep right we had to pull over there's no music right get up fall asleep everywhere falling asleep indoors outdoors fell asleep oh no I've fallen asleep some really good place did you have those friends when you'd fall asleep they'd fuck with you I hate that shit I draw on your face a dick no we didn't have any of that dude all pictures dicks in your mouth or vice versa sleep no fucking here our Vice Principal Raleigh Coleman who was an urban gentleman who had a um a ie black jheri curl okay could have been black he was dark Gerry Curran gentleman he used to sleep in the trunk of his car at fucking recess date he got sneak over about a teacher parking lot just cuz didn't want to ensue yep and he would tie off his trunk with a little rope so it was about three inches high and he'd get in look at that fuckin his paws Dork though you know that's not a bad idea it'd be hot yeah Louisiana I don't know why he liked it but I think he just felt comfort in there somehow you know maybe he didn't have a parent I don't know what some of his issues jheri curl would explain a little bit but curled up boy Rawley ladies and gentleman very very happy to have the man whose I think you've done 12 movies and I would even go so far as to say two of which that I can think on styling head were kind of Brown groundbreaking certainly controversial I was I'm not gonna argue with your map I didn't realize we'd be doing math on this pocket yeah we're doing that well open to I'll take those eyes yeah go out of 12 being groundbreaking or even memorable well but by the way the clerk's don't don't please let's let's take it okay I remember when clerks came out and you were kind of at the forefront of these so good and the writing was so good and all of us were like the fuck is this this crazy movie with these actors nobody knew hopefully all the movie that made people go oh my god I could do this like that's the movie that kind of was yeah launched a thousand ships and whether those ships were seaworthy or not it goes it's beyond the point it's the kind of movie you see that makes you go I want to try that yeah I've seen something like this ball life but I've never tried it myself punk rock music was kind of the same way you'd listen to music your whole life and then all sudden you hear music that's so primal and easy to pull that easy to pull off but easier than anything you'd heard before you don't hear the Beatles and go I could do that but you hear like god save the queen' you go I kept I think I might be able to pull that off the clerks was very much that it was like the movie that made people go oh shit is that where the bar is so but it was also it wasn't low because here's the difference and I remember this so clearly the dialogue was so fucking it was crude but it was so smart and funny and so I'm sure everybody tried it's kind like when the hangover came out I probably was offered a hundred movies and and in the pitch line was dude it's the new hangover it's gonna be like the hangar right is it you good luck pulling that off and one of the things that I remember about you is you had an interview about Dogma yeah and I remember how smart and thoughtful you were about it because you got you know there are two things chasing amy let's start with that because that's 1997 about a gay woman and I didn't love the gay woman yeah written by the most rep underrepresented gender and cinema fucking 25 year old white male yeah story I shouldn't be telling but and now the anniversary just passed what yesterday was the 20th anniversary of the movie coming out and so there have been a few think pieces of like hey you know its 20th anniversary but does it really hold up is it still you know and they're like well as intent is good and it's a very personal film but like some of his gender politics are dated and I'm you know I'm like look I get it movie was made 20 years ago at the time that's insane at the time it was like now now it's and maybe it smells like to this generation or whatever like some fucking mansplaining you know let me tell you about the gauge that's fair though I think it was first of all let me just say this I was in at the Beverly Hills Playhouse for 10 years which was an acting class with Jenna Elfman and Giovanni Ribisi and and Neil Simon would sit in and Burt Reynolds was come in and do scenes and Doris Roberts was there all the time and it was just literally you look at and go I'd be like oh I've worked less than everybody in this entire rewrite and chasing amy was done as a scene know so often so often my everything by every actor in the world that Jeffrey Tambor and Milton Katselas the late Milken solves both Jeffrey Tambor of course from transparent bandit they're like look too much it's too much I don't want to see the scene 1000 times so whatever you did with that movie had such a deep impact on the acting community at least I know you know start a trend right it is now it's I friend you really you don't think so I feel like now it's the cool thing to do I feel like I feel like there is a time where for a minute we had an idea that was fairly obvious like why don't people just talk in movies the way like they talk to their friends like people cursed in movies and stuff of course Eddie Murphy like cursed more than enough to fill Beverly Hills Cop with like fog fuck motherfucker but just conversations about like sexual and an adequacy or fucking calm just introducing the notion of a cop you know what I'm saying like that now it's crazy I was just on at midnight last night and while they don't flat-out say come they they make so many come jokes and I do feel a sense of pride in that world you know well I didn't I'm not necessarily I can't say like I built the fucking tower but I dug the trench a little bit you know I'll take man like he found my grave they were like he dug a trench full of cum cum I can go who fucking Doug this is promised basis of life just worry I tell you right now firing kid that's just that just got accumulated into our vocabulary there's somewhere of women that don't have sex with men but they just periodically when it's time to have a child just drench themselves in become trench and then come out impregnated they don't need a man and recive captain just saying them we're gonna make a better world dress yourself up got to dress yourself up and to come come out with a kid some of the waters of life you know take a shot I don't know I'm just trying to make things easier on women Brad yeah look at a Brendan Brendan you could you could pimp yourself out as a baby factory right quick you'd be the calm trench right they've dumped on the country you'd get curiosity for the first two episodes because people would be like what do they talk about sports you see yeah look why don't you I hate to complain but why don't you guys ever talk about come on come come on fucking obvious what did you get um did you get a lot of like guy let's talk about here before I get you're comfortable let's talk about I freaked out right before the interview yeah yeah so these guys should know that Kevin's in my seat because yeah there we go Kevin goes wait a minute I don't sit well I what he goes fat guys don't sit I just want you to know and also I don't like a profile of my pic I want to be face on that sounds expressive is like dip yourself in a cup trench okay come Trench but I was definitely like freaked axes like oh my god I'm sitting normally pod I'm used to a world apart guess there are no cameras that's why I like podcasts right y'all are fucking thin and cut and at any given moment in your lives there's not a bad angle for either hold on stop let me tell you Finn he's God is this fucking couple jobs on wood and shit like that so from here on it all of you dudes were like bending over like picking up something totally naked there is no bad angle for you I have to live in a world of constant like there's a bad angle that's a bad angle I don't know what side is good you know actors actors always like this is my good side I don't know what side of mine is good except straight onto camera I don't agree I think I like I like a lot of it differently I did I he was very nice about giving me his chair because I was like he didn't freak out at all I thought it's very kind of the way you did it was definitely the way to go yeah weird yourself we're vote and then I felt I'm like a city did for a moment did you both like I can't believe we've been fortunate God guarantee of sitting shan't turn the video off he's right well British man will tell you that he has body dysmorphia I know why I know and he literally he's always like he's very careful at ease when he would be in the UFC he'd be in basically his underwear and the whole world looking at him he was always self-conscious of he'd be like his stomach is and you know he tell you something I wish he was here to talk about Ryan I worked out an episode of the Goldbergs with Brian and it's a lifelong journey because every time I see him or any time I talk to Joe or guys like you know it's brilliant that dude who was on that episode of news radio with you once it's like he's got a name so it took a long time and then finally I get to work with the momma Goldberger some fucking reason we're chit-chatting for the first thing half hour everyone you talked about he'd be like so this guy's like 42 or something like that and then the story were gone he's like and you know I'm like 40 whatever and then he's like how old are you everything had to do with like numbers numbers or size it's not what you all map what your baby got from down there it'll be a guy from high school and I bro this guy ran the ball hard I'm like what how old is he 50 but in high school I don't give a shit what are you round the forty in high school why can't he just be cool dude he's a human obituary dude because like you know no bitch away they'll be like Kevin Smith comma age 40 succumb to he just knows everybody's about I take you in I've always been obsessed with masculine masculinity yeah in its on all its glory its power yes when I see a guy come trans thing must been very threatening for you it's very threatened that's why I have half a heart on a starter is one thing and maybe you will identify was this I started as one thing I'm a filmmaker I direct I make this and make that and that was how they I got to introduce but that's it was never like I was interested in that for like a minute before it happened you know what I'm saying like I fell in love with film and then a year later I had a film stuff so I got lucky but the moment I got into the room or my foot in the door then I was like I'm gonna try all these other things so for years I've been doing other stuff never focusing on my craft like most people strive for excellence in that one fucking thing dominate that one thing just focus on that and I like early on I was like never go dominate this shit I'm not even supposed to fucking be here today to borrow a line from my first film like this was like a fluke like this was me trying to see can I make a film and we did and it got bought luck and timing had everything to do with it not like talent shit just like we said the right thing at the right time movie got bought and suddenly I went from like working a convenience store having a fucking career and you know suddenly I guess I could have been like well let's strive for excellence in the career go for Oscar gold whatever fuck but that never since that was never the aim and that and I didn't expect to get in that was never alike let me strive for excellence once I got into the room I was like that looks fucking fun we tried out that looks fun and we tried out that looks cool like I loved comic books so I was like I'm trying to write for comic books my agent out here was like what are you fucking nuts they pay $100 a page I was like how the money dudes is you do it because like oh my god I got a chance I do it now so I've spun so many plates and never really focused like myself on any one thing like I'm kind of spread all over and I'm certainly not spread thin and believe me nobody would ever say that that looks at me but when I figured out a certain point they could get you if you're one thing when I was a filmmaker and just a director they could get you and whoever they is I mean that to sound like me you know if your film doesn't do well you you put all your eggs in that one basket n you then you're lying you're part of all your eggs in that one bit that's where I went because I'm like after years of doing I figured it out maybe 10 12 years in the career I was like you know you keep defining yourself as like filmmaker filmmaker you let him keep defining you as filmmaker as well that's fine because that's what I wanted to be in the beginning and stuff but if you're a filmmaker and your film sucks and your failed filmmaker and if you're a filmmaker who is not successful then maybe you don't get to be a filmmaker anymore and you're all fucking identity can be stripped out from under you could you imagine and not by choice like as a as an athlete one day you could choose to leave yeah the support or your body tells you get the fuck out or you know you're like I did what I wanted to do and get out so for me I realized like a few years back I was like well just you know you want to be an artist in some weird fucking way self-expressed I don't like the term art coz so alienated but you wanted to be self expresser so just like see if you could self Express for a living like see if you could just be you for a living that became my dream when I was a kid I used to watch like match game and shit there was a dude named remember Charles Nelson Reilly mm-hmm well I was like what is he fucking famous for my dad was like I don't know but he's on everything he's not MADtv I have no idea but he's all over the place he was due to you was litter he was on fucking that good but what was it he did it all the tic techno was good squares yep fucking match game like and you know later on toward the end of his life he was on the next episode the expose he just did it all like Eli Wallach said that he said do it all do everything and I've never forgotten Kane or I talked to our acting school he said and the Eli Wallach wasn't the good too maddening ugly little you're a little young to remember him but he was the great character actor and and he just said I do it all he said I'll do shut something on a ship on a cruise ship because I like to act yeah and that would the way I got out of his piggybacking on that as I just said I stopped defining myself as an actor I started to find myself I said I'm in the business of self-expression there you go how tough was that though B it was very hard your dream for a lot of people your dream wasn't to do comedy now your dream was to be the next Tom Hanks yeah he can be that and still be funny as well san george carlin the greatest of the great backed into comedy as well like when you hear George Carlin you're like if there's a Mount Rushmore for comedy Carlin's on it he didn't want that you did not have an interest in being an actor I want to be Danny fucking Kaye he wanted to dance and sing into movies and be a charming fucking leading man damn and so that's what that he backed into fucking being George Carlin the comedian and stuff and yet everyone's like if I could fucking if I could be that guy or whatever and stuff and the redefinition of who you think you are from what you know you are is a important part of every person's growth process I'm talking like would have been important for your mom and dad had they been given the chance like if they didn't just have to work and fucking put food on the table they should allow every America should allow like a 10 or 20 year retirement plan where it's like 10 years in any job you get to take one month or six months off to go fucking figure out just still want this do I still want to be this person is there something and I know it's like some people like fuck a bitch I'm three three jobs I got time to wonder what I want to be but that's such an important part of it man it's like so many people get caught in the trap of like I got to put fucking dollars on the table food on the table and shit and forget to dream that's how you get to be I love how you said that I love what that means I love redefining who you are because once I realized that that I was fine I was an actor and I realized that I was more of a comic and once I let go of that definition guess what I started working on like crazy selling booze yeah would you like to be silly yeah and once I embrace that my my dramatic side everything else kind of like came out and I I guess I actually have never stopped working since I kind of conquered or changed my definition of what I am in the business of self-expression our original self-expression stuff and they identify with get a lot of athletes struggle with it I was having this conversation with a fighter the other day it might been rampage and we're talking about these older fighters wanted to fight like a Matt Hughes you know a guy who retired years ago and I went I think it's because all they do is identify with being that fighter at the time they've never found anything else that lights their fire there's no other passion for them so of course they they want to come back and fight because it's all they know it's literally all they know we never saw a lot of doing anything else might be late you know it's the ideas especially if anyone gives you enough attention in life to be like hey what you do and this thing is is great you know I understand the I understand the path some take we're like well I'm gonna devote myself to this sort of excellence but spin a bunch of plates because some shit ends and if you're trapped in it like you're stuck with it know that there's other things you can pivot to well there's that even the same plate similar right like it's not like I'm like either on podcasts or I'm gonna do fucking brain sir general e in the same way another way to put that also is that in the 21st century economy there's a camera who was this famous economist said the people that are gonna thrive in this ever-changing in rapidly changing world are those that can learn unlearn learn unlearn and relearn and you always got to be you know it's listen minded it's yeah and also be willing to relearn right be willing to constantly change I've had to confront that with social media right most people don't want to relearn because once you fucking got something down with science you're like ah fucking done it's comfortable but the receive the willing to learn fantastic willing to like let it go that's difficult because you build experience into something or like well all that time must have been worth something it was for something and sometimes it is but the moment is fucking small you can't stretch it out forever I think it's tough too because society whether you're an athlete with your director if you're an actor going to comedy once you do something else you all come on man we get all time stay in your lane no no no you want that do you want me to stay in that land I don't want to be in that land I'm gonna go over this language he's a nut he's a nut because he just fought in the lane you just move you know those lands on a bridge where sometimes you travel and you see yeah and all of a sudden goes from two lane to a four lane highway for traffic all you have to do is just like alright now this is the fucking well he's dealt what this is a comic right so the podcast becomes really really successful he starts another podcast which becomes huge so all of a sudden he's like I can fucking I don't know man something about I'm talking and out it is and I he secretly he wanted to perform he's always wanted to perform and he you know he kept talking about telling stories and I was like I think do you want to stand up here yeah and finally when he admitted himself but it's funny to see how many people you know even comics you know until they see him and the work he's putting in did everybody's reaction in any time you come into a new space is to be like come on man you know how long you been doing comedy 20 years okay so we were around before most cats were doing you certainly around before I got into doing it like I just appreciate a comedy from the side you've seen it change from like oh well we all know what it is you go up there and you stand up there and you say some shit - now it's you can you do you could do almost anything in a comedy club yep smoke weed yes yeah you go up on stage and say I want to present this I remember like years ago me and Mosier the guide to SModcast with and that's podcast just turned 10 years the souls you do 10 years old this year so I'm doing four decades yeah you know we we yeah we when I started it was who was a Leo Laporte had like this week in tech was mayor and around then no nope no yeah we predate Adam still had a radio show he did not have a party Rogan you predate Corolla Corolla and and and man so you the reserve Godfather in Chris hardwood I don't know about god I like that you know who was Adam Curry's the first one to the podcast who's that the old MTV host Adam Curtis oh yeah I never listen to it but like he was the one that kind of invented the medium or something like that when I heard about I was after the Ricky Gervais is podcast my friend Scott Mosier was like a viewer of the Ricky Gervais podcast I was like what is a podcast and you guys that's it's kind of like he goes you know the commentary tracks we do for the movies I said yeah he goes it's like that but there's no movie I was like why the fuck don't we do one of these podcasts so I got into it kind of early on just cuz I was like nobody's stopping us like I used to drive past radio stations and be like man if I was rich one day I would get myself my own radio station my own antenna and then I could say whatever the fuck I wanted and broadcast at any time of day get up and broadcast and shit then all of a sudden somebody presented this notion of like you can have that and it's universal you don't even need to do it for just and you own it like you'll have a pretty computer never - yes you want to be yeah so wheezes so at one point Mo's was like I need money he's like how can we make money fast and I was like what we've been doing SModcast for about two years at home and we used to joke about like imagine if we did on stage and I was always on stage - in Q&A and shit but Mosier couldn't get his head around like who would want to watch two people fucking talk to each other in a comedy club and what's his background he's a he was a producer and now he's uh he's still a producer now he works at illumination the company that makes yeah like that yeah he's working on something big so when when we went out like he was weird I was doing Q&A gigs and I'd like played Carney on stuff so I was well-established as like a guy standing there essentially doing stand-up but needing the audience to ask me a question first and then I went I was I told my booking agent I was like I want to go out and do a podcast like and he's okay and came back he goes nobody understands it and I was like what do you mean he's like well you can't go to a stand-up Club and sit the fuck down with your friend and talk to him no I think it'll work it and I got like I used to be ashamed of like I love doing Q&A with people be like oh you're like a comic and I'm like done that comics don't need to ask the audience a question comics just go up generate and shit like that so I'd stay out of comedy clubs because I revered comics and comedy and stuff and never considered myself one but and and and it like it was kind of confirmed when I was like I just want to go and talk to my friend and like you don't do that sort of thing like we did at The Improv where me and Ralph to babble on every fuckin fuckin how long ago was your first show first when we did live I guess now it's coming up on like eight and a half nine years ago wait are you telling us always cuz you want royalties I'm like here's the thing me what my big heard you guys do alright I'm gonna need temperature I wanna taste but we we have the great Judd Apatow here now let's start this off do you have an opinion on Brendan's shirt because well it has a you know paint like Jackson Pollock painting on it oh you know I didn't go I wasn't painting before this we know I'm an artist yeah I'm an artist if you were tardy to be a bad artist is there's just too much paint sloppy painter but you know that's fashion see I I don't understand fashions about two or three years ago I said I look weird and everything I can't decide with my fashions I'm not like Eurotrash guy I'm not like preppy guy so I just someone gave me a James purse polo shirt I said I'm just gonna wear that and I where'd James first polo shirt literally 95 yes I've just decided to I'm like that's the move for like like people aren't in the fashion that's like jeans yeah solid he makes fun of me awesome he bought me these boots he bought these for me for my birthday so give you some stuff for my 50th yeah and I were James person in jeans I can't I can't figure it out and so I've just given up completely you know I remember I you know I met Wes Anderson when he was really young and he first moved to town and then at some point he just started dressing well it just showed and you know he was just so you know you know a struggling filmmaker then he decided okay this is what I look like I'm gonna any made a choice and he looks amazing yes like I'm like Tom Wolfe guy or whatever and I just never could figure out what the with the move you need a stylist does he did he hire that's a bad idea really I was just I was gonna say does he have a stylist cuz I feel like guys that hire stylist so stars go well this is what's in right now you should be wearing this like I don't that's not I think he has a sense of it I have no sense of it I never did me neither you know also I'm always in slightly bad shape so would clothes never look right on me I've always it's just found you know it's just that I think every shirt look wrong cuz there's nothing worse than like a little gut you know I call it a Fupa you there go fools God worked cool it would bigger at least it's a statement yeah II know it a little bit yeah but it's it's a little good and so there was this article about dad bods and my friend sent it through think you should read this article about dad bods it just guys who have got kind of a shitty body like slightly shitty and I clicked on the link and there was a photo and I swear to god the photo was of me I was like the representation of the dad bod when I did it Tonight Show I finally did a stand-up on The Tonight Show Jimmy Fallon asked me to do it but I always thought and this was about a year and a half ago I always thought that he asked me because he thought it would be amusing even if I bombed yet I was a little more of a circus act yeah yeah because though it isn't that I to even asked me what my jokes were they were just like a fireman's hit your marks exactly nobody it was so it was a professionally presented set but anyway I worked really hard to do set and you know for me as like as a kid especially growing up in the late 70s and early 80s The Tonight Show was a giant thing as a comedian that really was your dream to get on The Tonight Show and so I was on the show and Adam Sandler was the other guest you know my my old friend rooming at my old roommate yeah and a few days before it louis c.k i know a little bit but not especially well but who was a great guy he he wrote me an email telling me how to do the Tonight Show oh my god and it was long it was one of the nicest things anyone's ever done yeah it was just here's what you got it was just a list of different things you wouldn't think Wow such as this is the one that made me laugh the most would you walk out on stage there will be music playing do not dance to it that music is not for you the advice to doug pop your head but it also don't it's a little corny to pop your head you're right hey I'm great I'm just hanging out enjoying the music yeah he also said you know one of the scariest things ever is standing behind the curtain while the music is playing knowing you're about to be announced and then suddenly you're gonna be shot out of a rock is that because it's as scary as as anything yeah what you should do in that moment is you wait for your name to be announced is just think of your first joke only your first joke and think about why you wrote it and think about why it made you laugh and that will gonna set your path for your success and yeah and then what was sweaty as I read this and I thought so nice that he did that it really blew me away and then two hours later a second one came in with just as long really deep it bore too much man you ever think it was like a magazine article and I swear to God I took every piece of advice I seriously I read it thought about it did it and it was out wow cuz I one of the things as fascinating as watching you you know here you are the be pretty damn successful but you're you always have your notepad just stand up you're writing I like the other day I came backstage we were on the same venue and judge writing yeah like I saw you writing jokes and shit I was like the guy's got his notebook out like working shit out well I I didn't really know another way to do it but what makes me laugh is when I used to do stand-up so I did it from the time I was 17 till I was 24 and I was a regular The Improv and I got on not Letterman in The Tonight Show but it basically everything else you'd be young HBO young comedians special on evening and improv and all those shows Dennis Miller show was the show I got on to do stand-up a lot when he had his talk show but I don't think I wrote anything down back then yeah I had little notes little bullet points at all here yeah I don't know what I was doing I remember Larry Miller who was one of the best comics old-time saying Jud it's like a job and if you sit down at a desk and you for a few hours a day like it's a job you'll instantly be better than everybody yeah he said cuz nobody does it everyone just goes to the mall it's hard to do nobody sits and treats it like a job and but I did it like I go through all my old notes and there's nothing and now I have thousands of pages of jokes The Tonight Show why it's because it's not as big as it used to be right because there's so much content out there yeah it was like you're not like it's not it used to like back in the day like Carson or if you're on Leno especially Letterman at the time was shaded Letterman in 99 and I've never been it was part of this new committee with me Dane Cook it was part of this new comedian thing and I've never been I never I don't really never suffer really from nerves doing stand-up but I've never been more nervous because it was the fucking stage that at well it was where the Beatles play and where Elvis plays I'm sure I'll think about the Beatles laugh now but hey man couldn't help it I know you know I know and then I see Letterman sitting around behind a curtain he's I saw his mug his coffee mug made me panic I don't know hi because it was Letterman I was telling B this one especially when I was riding a lot I I found like I don't relate to a lot of comics I can like I read the Steve Martin book it kind of broke my heart kind of went down a dark road or I read a bunch of other you know comedy kind of biography stuff like that and but yours was one of the especially when it's you and Adam Salem when you first moved to LA and they just hear me out it kind of broke my heart because you talked about how you realized when you saw Jim Carrey and they saw Adam Sandler just doing prank calls that you know you couldn't compete with those guys kind of staged so that's when you started riding yeah but to me that made me sacks I'm like what here's a brilliant mind and comedies really uh not how you look or anything like that and you're comparing yourself to Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey who you're talkin bout to freaks that's like any basketball player but God not like LeBron so I'm not gonna try this out well it's a weird piece of bad luck to be starting as a comedian at a very young you don't want screw Jeff a well it's funny cuz I think Adam gets annoyed when I say this cuz he was my biggest fan as a comedian he was always just such a massive supporter and when I did Carnegie Hall last year I did my set and then towards Adam came out into the surprise half-hour after me than we sang song together it was magical it really was the best but it is like trying to be a songwriter and your roommates John Lennon that's what it felt like and and then you think what am i doing I don't think of my songs or as good as his songs especially because what Adam was doing was so strange and so wonderful when he was young was really weird singing stop it was before he wasn't even doing the guitar he was doing you know Elvis lives in my refrigerator very like surreal comedy and then Jim Carrey had just quit doing impressions and he would go onstage and improvise the whole Act and half the time he would kill half the time he would bomb but like really Bob yeah like like people leave in masks yeah and within the same set he'd lose him get him back lose him and it was so creative and I felt it at the time watching Chandler oh this is the biggest star in the world and no one here knows it yeah yeah you could just feel it bubbling up and it was very intimidating to me because as a fan I knew I'm not like these guys now as if someone who's 49 years old I have a lot of stories and I have a point of view and it's and it's different but as a kid I felt like that screwed like I was reading I'm like that kind of screwed I can relate to that in the sports world because my best friend was this guy Joe coffin Stein and he was a 1% of the premier premier athlete he was shredded 6 6 200 NT pounds fast me everything I'm like well that's that's a professional I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do so he gave me this chip on my shoulder where I'm like I had to work harder because I'm not like him but when I was reading your your book I was like guy he got screwed kind of being best friends Adam Sandler how him as a roommate and that's the level that you're more he got lucky because what he did is went on to MIT write amazing movies and become like this I don't upset about the fact that I didn't do stand-up all those years I got burnt out on it too I love you so much I watched I think I watched so many comedians and I knew everyone's act inside and out I was just was such a fan that I got a little burnt out on it so I'd never think myself ah man it would've been great to be a comedian in my 30s or whatever because it's so fun now and it's fun to do it well hey my rent you know like there's a pressure when you first start out to eat yeah and so if I would go get a gig in Rancho Cucamonga for 75 bucks I needed that 75 bucks yes you know I had my rent was $425 a month and I worked for Martin wrote a self-help book he has a new book and I radically yes a self-help book it's it's advice from Kevin and he is a B C he was like that I mean I did a pilot with him in the year 2000 I as soon as you moved to LA his manager Dave Becky said oh you got a no Kevin loved and he was a kid we did a pilot together it was him as you know young wannabe actor comedian and Jason Segel as a young wannabe actually Poehler's young wannabe actress living in the valley he was called North Hollywood and anyway Jones was in it was ABC and then remember when Amy got that and it didn't get picked up yeah and and and the joke of the whole episode the whole show was it was a young Kevin Hart who kept talking about how giant he was gonna be and he kept the that was his joke he's like he's like I'm gonna be like Chris Tucker except you can't understand him he talked too fast with me you can unsay me somebody being in Chris Eyre he's gonna say me you can't st. him and and then a it didn't go and so we put him on undeclared he did a bunch of episodes of undeclared and he was in the 40 old virgin that was what that's where and I yeah I always thought this guy's the funniest but I couldn't crack like I just couldn't get the show picked up but I couldn't get the project going and so it's amazing to see how hard that guy worked to make it successful tour of all sounds still and he is a great guy and everybody loves him in the room like he comes in and makes the room better did you do you know could you know something special about him shut up because I'm sure you see it wasn't you I can't say I thought this guy was gonna be the biggest community in the world what I thought was this kind makes me laugh my ass and he should he should be a star please always smarty but even then he was like friends with jay-z and he had a sense that he had be good at Bizness yeah even as a young kid he used to talk about his clothes and he would take out his clothes and he had very thoughtfully bought all these clothes and he would take out like a shirt and a pair of pants and he would call it his set he's like you like that set like that clothes we would laugh about it because he was acting like a superstar as a basically unemployed young person yeah but he you know especially like you know like this book was the power of intention by Wayne Dyer the whole book is about setting goals and how you creates a certain mental environment to make them happen that's all Kevin Hart did purely on instincts there's a technique to organizing your mind right I mean yes did to believe in yourself and you still you feel like you still have to do that like I this what I just like asking these questions cuz III oh I'm always fascinated with the fact that success is a verb it's not a noun well my critical voice wants me to stop it wants you to stop oh I've got that voice in my head that's just shut the fuck up really no one cares and I'm always at war with a part of my brain that is very low self-esteem it's not all of my brain is one part of it don't you think most horlicks have that I do I think it drives all of us I think we're we're constantly trying to prove that we deserve to be up there that our work is valuable and maybe you couldn't do the work if you didn't have it but I am it does not go away and as you get into each stage of life it it it it turns into something slightly different but it's coming at me I said that the other day I said you know you're always told you have to love yourself and it's really important to believe in yourself and I disagree I think that what drives me is always this sense of inadequacy and sort of like I have a hole I can't fill and I don't like I've never liked myself that much oh now I look in the mirror all the time always looking for something to change something bad something to kind of improve I still believe I'm gonna be if I keep if I really apply myself and do more incline bench I'm 50 whereas you are we never to climb yeah come to my garage we'll work out I'll spot you I'll spot you I'm gonna get that dad body or get the dad yeah but yeah dude you have to believe in yourself and then but your self-hatred is what makes you funny yeah well your characters you always start with these like very sort of sensitive characters like a lot of the characters and your movies are not guys that are benching 400 pounds or compete they should not everybody in a bar there in fact the exact opposite there are these vulnerable people it's a nerds yeah like people say and it's it's it's due to your credit especially this day in Hollywood they say nerds run Hollywood I even think like I saw Wonder Woman the other day I even think they made a point of making her a nerd that was part of it that she's no all-powerful but also weird with the guy she likes and she's odd she doesn't fit in and the city and I think that you know the truth is I think everyone feels that way some people can overcome it to a certain extent you know that's why it's always like funny when I forgot who I was talking about this with but you know when you're like with people who are amazing like LeBron James and and they've mastered a way to get in flow in in their athletics just to get into the zone where they're not doubting themselves yeah we were talking about Federer the other day you know this guy just doesn't make an unforced error 34 hours and if you've ever played tennis how hard that is yeah and and I think for comedy you can get in that space where you forget and you hit some gear where you're not doubting yourself and you're just connecting to some creative pipe in the universe and that's where you want to get but man it is it's a tough place to go if you have damage yeah you know if you have like normal childhood psychic damage yeah to like yourself enough to let go of your insecurities to let your brain do it has to do maybe that's good I don't know I don't think I know really too many comics that are that happy with themselves and just uber confident yeah I don't think like real oculus didn't work oh it's so weird to be first bird I just did a panel with Bill burr yeah for Netflix it's all these like you know comedy show runners burr it's a grunt like 200 people couldn't kill harder oh and the second it ends he's just like how does people hate me and I'm up there going I'm so unfunny look how funny birds and he's walking off going yet I wasn't good yeah I marry did we did the ice house and he was like just this time of my you know I'm starting new stuff it's always so dicey it's like Bill you just fucking destroy it's like like there's nothing left they had to bring a mule instead of Ben people and bring him out on stretchers from laughter and energy on stage I did a Largo with him a few months back he's just has the most focus intense energy is not half as intense he's never lost his outrage it's super always has outraged generally at the world there's like this angry intensity about it's an outrage I've never laughed so hard at a comedian we're on the same bill at the Comedy Store I get done I can't gonna see Birdman so I win the crown who stood in the back I was laughing so hard I peers come in like that man it's it's really it's remarkable because it's also just discipline to get in a headspace to care that much yeah that says you could walk through it so you make money and you're you know you have celebrity and you're flying first-class or whatever it is you know he's got he's doing very well he's like our Beyonce he can you watch be Alveston pale Beyonce got one wasted movement like you watch I saw in concert it's memorise there's so much choreography and and she's singing that I thought how can you remember more than four songs worth of choreography this thousands of moves here yeah she hair went in her mouth for a minute and she was cool and she's like she made it into like part of the dance yeah and it's so focused and confident and yet that's that's what I was thinking there's like a flat ass I don't think of Beyonce but I get we San sort of like her ass but the exact dog fuck you it's a flat members of I meant he's our like our Kendra Del Mar and I sent out the bat-signal and the golden pony answer yeah our boy Tony Hinchcliffe is in the house this is an honor and a pleasure brother the kid I know man life is good toran doing stand-up having fun kicking butt and then I call Rogan because I'm like dude you know doing kind of sensual big deal for me and actually ended up crying on stage which is weird I got choked up chokes up was it a time it was a Comedy Central in 2001 like I mean that's when it would have been like a dream this is more people watching you right now on this show then there are watching all right [Music] I was a guest before and I just always thought that maybe if I just went maybe one day if one of Brian Cowens friends get sick enough maybe it's gonna cut from you crying to some like I've fallen and I can't get up commercial fuck was dead Life Alert and Savior come essentials a bummer these days it's that big I don't know what's up with the big tough crying I tell essentials really on Southland they got this like this big pussy up there now crying cause he's telling dick jokes you know what has happened it's guys getting rear naked choke DUP up their pain traumas up bitch man that's crying I didn't think it was that funny by the way I would watch every episode of the fighter and the kid in Chinese right I cry on the comedy cetera I finally have my chance to give up my dreamer and I cry like a baby anything where is the re they wouldn't be seen in terribly I don't know why am I so a big a masseur and I cry uh-oh I might finally get my chance to tell a story and all of a sudden the tear come out of my eye I mean it's just like there's certain things that just cut me right to the core and like a big tough guy like setting it's like my everything I was hoping like damn that's really cool man coming so it's that special moment and I thought I'm gonna get roasted by the roast master or you like cool man just kind of not acknowledge and move on nope oh my god idea though right Chinese have someone translate I hope they just edit everything else out of your story out and it's just you crying up there slow motion they're like we need to make this that's the end credits me so what she crying just credits Tony hence cliff in the house ladies and gentlemen and he's my faves last time we were here I need more energy i DP laughing well last time we were here yeah I was laughing so goddamn hey give me a second man I won't have enough I'm just saying though it's Tony man sorry but that's a nice earring was took your job co-hosting and you were laughing pretty hard you were doing the Chinese woman we found it very fun we made fun of me for crying uncommon yep right on Comedy Central's I didn't try season six point five of this is not happening Wilma Trevor Noah and that's what finally broke Brendan yeah I didn't cry on there I was close man oh I don't know yeah I work hard all the time so that maybe one day I could be nominated for guests of the Julia D'Elia said he deserves it and he he's kind of campaigning oh yeah yeah I can't what I can't blame him he starts the video he bookends the video your big crystal I didn't do the pewter you didn't do the video it's a whole team team baby I've seen the videos that you make Chen you do a really good job and I think you could have I've seen Gangnam style before style chin how do you explain me not being in that video after what I did to Brendan that day what do I say here what do I say yeah I mean you know what it is you know cuz you're not a frequent enough guest yeah that's why did you you you had a one-off I need these things I don't have chris d'elia hair bobby lee like baby Bobby crystal his head he fucking goes right into obscurity Bobby Lee normal eye balls nobody's listening Bobby Lee gets in shape see ya well Sasso loses 75 pounds I don't care is not likable round head guy anymore how am i competing with guys that I was fans of when I was in high school on your show Bobby Lee Will Sasso they're in the video you think they need that you think they need that career boost you know what I do you know Stan you look weird with driving in November yet so we I mean you guys already hit today and it's already running I mean Rappaport Rappaport oh yeah that's the Gator he needs the boost have you ever had anything in your butt no never use as a doctor finger once and I hate it how the doctors it's tough oh I've had girls oh yeah girls tried I hosted thumbin in it when she was giving me the old you know when there was oral yep you've never had that Tony now I've been lucky not what I know or unlucky yeah I agree could be a good time hard to keep it together why not I know I seem like I seem I could if I saw me and heard me talk I'd be like that guys had a bunch of stuff in his butt but I have a very like virgin ass I don't want to turn you on Brian I don't know about me there's no story I told on Rogan I don't have time for well you imagine how tight my give me birth story when I had his thumb in my ass oh I'm surprised though all the years never had a girl one of the tightest assholes in all the comedy boom all right you got loud farts in the morning there you go all right this isn't the one we'll start off with another one we waited like a week for Tony to be here to see this that it happened again no it's not a real story you made this no no another elderly Chinese passenger tosses coins into plane engine yeah allegory it happened again lucky this is photoshopped it says lucky air stop that every lucky air it's real so last time was on this lady takes change it's like a good blog and throws it in the engine and they they can't fly you've got to be kidding yes 76 year old woman who's letting these people near the point we have to stop now but how do you get near the engine like I've never good when you so when you're walking out on the tarmac sometimes when you're going yeah we've done it before as you're walking up you know the engines right there if it's up major if it's a major airline water doing it when birds fly so so in airports it was a little known fact as they have peregrine falcons a lot of times and the reason they have Falcons in like that they're trained they keep the other birds away because birds are super territorial if you got a bunch of geese or crows flying around some ducks and it gets in the engine you got big problems big problem well did well how about have you seen a video did we do down here did you see the video of that those those uh those fucking engines on planes where people get sucked into him or we did that yeah yeah oh my god it scares me you talk about the suck it suck with a suck zone big game for all geez why do Chinese women think that why do Chinese women think that throwing coins in a plane engines gonna be good luck it's probably an old thing chin you have Chan I'm asking you hey Korean I'm Korean you are oh is that why Bobby Lee's in the video for best I wish I could talk about this but I can't but yeah Chinese Buddhist thing have anyone in your family have ever attempted to throw change and the knot we're gonna have the rookies right that is the most I know I have a great idea how about we add some rock to this Friday's roughly enough engine dude why are a sincere I knew he can still make fun of because they're doing really well that's why right now I just don't have any shame in my game I really think that I can't leave this even though she's 76 thinks it's okay to throw change in a fucking airplane yeah can you imagine how hard it must be to be an Asian pilot in the first place right I mean out of all the racial stereotypes let's face it chin you've been in a car accident I have but other people's fault you heard I'm not gonna even these terrible steroids no no no a we can talk about it types exists for a reason Asian real Asians agree and nobody knows more about stereotypes than Asian people if you think about it's true well name name and ID bear with me here but the stereotypes exist for a reason a lot of times but name the best Asian driver in f1 or NASCAR that's ever won go no wait there's none there's never been never they end up throwing coins in their engine and they never hit pole position well ladies and gentlemen it's Wednesday we have got Skylar Astin he was frying an egg just forty minutes ago and then he texts me goes bro can I go to my jungle show and I went show so bad one being shot so bad please don't be anxious I'm bad and then you're like well I didn't get it here yeah get here now I have to poo I haven't shot up you said shut it here shut up and get here hold it get here and we'll throw you on well throw you a bone well throw you bomb her I feel like maybe he's throwing us the bone he walks in my jaw misses a fucking his cool hat that's great where when you're doing happy in the nose if you're an artist you were that huh yeah hey he's an artist I want that hat and then he's kind of like a guys it's like he's all loose so just oh sorry guys been shooting with Nick Nolte well I've been shooting in Bulgaria Bulgaria guys do Turkey and I play your play in New York let me do it let me do a commercial let me use your equipment to do a you mind if I do a voiceover before we start I try to give them some direction because I don't know but it gives me direction yeah that's a fair point okay so then I gave you guys both life direction and here we are back in a while man it's been far too long way too long I have a faves I've only done I've only sang in this studio for the big brown breakdown intro I have any vodcasts classic hit a boredom and it's I tune charm that's a Ginsu you skylar astin collab and how about you song about my very first stand-up solo ever live that was funny I just feel like I'm so loyal I'm such a good friend I need a litter this is no bulls I wouldn't do that for you I had no definitely not and I can't sing yeah but also just like as far as you know getting back to me timely I always get back you do but it's always like sorry man can't or or no you will you'll be like hey can you do the podcast three minutes ago and I'm like hey man I'm in Eastern Europe yeah very considerate hey no no I I love you we hung out more at box and burn we've had a lot of off air conversations that a ton would love to hear so I recorded it and I'm yeah the choice behind SIA when they die they're being recorded what would my podcast be called behind the velvet curtain yeah I like that card behind you know VTS I'm gonna say unaware I like talking to you and your brother cuz you guys are such mm a fan oh yeah but you out you're also in the know so it's good to keep my ear to the grindstone cuz you guys we've come from a fan's perspective but you guys know the game we've really we've really come full circle too because we we started as just straight-up fans you know and then I got a little bit known for some projects and then Dana took a liking to me and that's how I met Chris for the first time and now now like I'm about to turn 30 Chris chris is gonna be at my you know like birthday dinner he's at my wedding I think for them when I'm when I'm it's in New York in the West Village you want to come yeah we're rich as shit we will fly this their private September 23rd guys be there sorry I'm a Tempe fucking somewhere problem I'm doing Saturday I'm doing this Canelo breakdown it's a post-race down you moved to Madison Wisconsin guys it took us two years to get here today let's just this is great that happened did you cry when your boy Chris Weidman won his fight I was so happy man where was I I think I was you know where I go the fight it was in well I didn't I didn't it was in Long Island but I it was like the 28th or the 22nd or something I just wrapped graves and I had like five days to put my shit in my suitcase with my wife before like moving to New York until December and I'm there now and I'm only back for five days cuz I'm in between things so you're going straight from here and then going to New York and then I'll be there till December I'm literally here to see if the house is still up and to like get a bunch of winter shit and take stuff honestly do the podcast that's why I wanted to squeeze it in and I just got back last night's white I'm like I'm like you know finally got groceries it's like the morning I make breakfast I'm frying an egg and I'm like well let me like see what my Thursday is doing cuz I have all these plans to do stuff today and you're like get here now the only time and Here I am perfect and I look really great I agree I look great no I got this hat in the village thank you for asking no we did make sense there's only one of them guys it's a vintage thing come on it's not like you could get it a lot since you've been shooting an Albuquerque great yeah okay now Turkey and Wales Bulgaria training twice a day at Jacksons are they make you clean the math how's that work yeah just apply John with the steroids I don't yeah hey that's it hasn't been oh yeah it's been proof it's the hey about that sample that be sample I'm coming in scorching hot it's a grant I think Phoenix huh how does that work what is a B samples something hit me ah so the a sample so they always take so you piss in two jars yes there's a and B sample so a1 they do right away they test and the b1 they test later right with more intricate testing yeah but when those things get flagged especially the B sample it's gone through so much stringent testing it's not like yeah you know like I I see how I get scram people I know who knows bro you know he could have been he could have been - it couldn't ain't it so we gave him his Gatorade no no stop stop saying what if he was on one leg dude that might do that fucks with stuff like your dude I've taking nyquil I tested hot now let's stop do that I see bagels can sometimes yeah favourite like and I get it man I wish there was an excuse I wish there's some way we could navigate through this but now it's just a fuck up let's let's let's hold on a second I thought we had might have done this and I am a pretty loyal listener I'll go ahead but I've only listened to a couple in the last year so here's my question you guys should have Rapaport on again my ears finally recovered best bro you fuck you can I just be here going in on me already because he won best guest now you're all you guys judge that 10 kill him he was great don't put I know Hey in the year wrap in the rap give him up on Twitter see nah I don't just let me let me just do raps think I'm a fucking Astin yeah you fuck you I know you're a fuckin New York now you do theater or some shit but I'm the fucking guest of the year I'm friends with all these fucking rappers I'm the loudest fucking person in the world so so loud so one gear and he's gonna go in on me you fucking you probably have no fucking calluses on your hands you fuck you you fuck you know you you pretty boy fucking I know I know he'll help you Hawks me out in basketball and I'll show you what he'll get you in a corner and just shove you around don't give me a favor don't toss away here's the thing about Michael Rapaport he was one of my favorite boy friends of Phebe on friends and and and I led next to Paul Rudd now because I'm the second coming a public but um I like him ugh Louis Pilate shots taught to me by Glenn Holmes true to me don't worry Jeffries who's given the sign of him don't fight don't fight basketball with him because I know he throw elbows you'd have an act off no rap would come in at you and he'd be just big and bony and shovey and he would just he'd all New York Street just throw a throw he'd hit you is reach one in Brooklyn uh doesn't matter you're you were an artist listen man he would he would right elbow you a fucking Broadway baby you yeah he didn't fucking come in here with you fucking oh I hit mitts I fucking go left and right and I put her on Instagram and he fights he I get it he's a scrappy guy yeah maybe he take me he's also 700 pounds more as a mage might love each other though I think we would love each other see honest with you but I have to talk shit cuz I'm here and I'm sure it's just bullshit I think the fans should vote I think I should play come on one more time really lobby Friday should have the fans vote though we should do it but you're dead you're challenging wrapping away physically and this is my comeback episode when we finally get Brian out we'll do a co-host and then I'll go a ground break down respectful to me in my pop cake and I'll fucking comment I'll do a bunch of riffs never will be like dude every time you sings and I'll get more Twitter activated a wild Michael Rapaport of like hate tweet me something Jewish and then I know but it'll be like you fucking Jew you're half a Jew either good half you're you're right you're Italian to admit pizza bagels you're not really Jewish actually because your mom's Italian my mom is Jewish my dad is Jewish it's you know where's not like I know what religion are you Italian Jewish Muslim into your mom's Jewish Jewish Italian was Italian no I don't know about that bro maybe you're lying you're not really a Jew your dad did you my mom's my mother I know your mother is I don't know your dad is bro my he looks like Tony Soprano I'm sayin Cuse here's the deal my mom's mom is Jewish therefore it's the mother your mother is well I'm a Jewish Asst fuck bar Mitzvahed bro man I don't know bro you know what to be honest with you I've always saw I've seen a lot more Italian female rabbi at my wedding oh wow yeah I I crushed the cup did the whole thing Mazel Tov did the hora had six-gun and Chris Weidman lifting me up on my horror I picked them out and they were being assholes because they were trying to hit my heads into the limo John was in there through the roof he's a bigger fight fighter dick writer than I am Renne with hey put me in an armbar for Instagram yeah he don't obsessed obsessed with their size and doesn't watch videos on Instagram yeah you are i watch like Brian the other day at lunch is it's crazy man like cowboy likes like everything I poke how many times have you been to the ranch what how many times you been to the ranch cowboys my buddy how many times he likes my view been to the lake on the phone if you've been to the lake okay and he gives me heavens a wall moccasins cowboy gives me Bob he doesn't though yes he does was less though he gave me a one hour lesson dude that's what cowboy does he chose he's my kid all wrong you're throwing elbows wrong and he shows you the little one too with the high kick coming after all it's his dreamy secret cheese drill way bet don't say that he has a generic right so cowboy you're obviously like me more you'd like to Alma he doesn't he likes me he likes all of my things I just don't see them cuz I have over a million followers very confusing with me man you probably won't tell me what you stuff but the difference is that I'm not competing I'm winning whenever so whenever some more quickly Scott whenever a cowboy and a head so like my videos I'm always like he Kenzo likes my brothers and now he doesn't yeah it does you know imma have to cut this off to feel sick from both this talk alright let's go offense matter it's getting the current offense I'm pissed off right now dropping knowledge with the coup yeah yeah dropping knowledge dropping knowledge with the king can you can you sign us off with the fire in the kid are we done we're done that's cool-looking oh we're gonna end on that blast it's been a long podcast my man quick triple G Canelo you've done that already I'm big brown breakdown so much list with 20 Jeffries and listen Glen I will I'm halfway right now sign us off okay this is the fighter and the kid in the best guest of the year no well I was like sing us off no no you can't okay welcome I'll sing you on you can't give yourself that yet alright okay you want me to sing it yeah okay do something this is the fighter and the kid and the guy that's obviously the best guest of the year obviously know what I feel like yes one note notice is that this is the probably be sharp no because you're this is the fight we're not a green yet that you're that you're a great and the most talented get down and we'll have Levi to do something like a a doo-wop okay you what he wants to do well oh he wants just climb this has been a blast get down together we could talk about shit forever let's go to lunch maybe do some dinner but maybe not because I should be much thinner let's go maybe I'll come back into Scimitar he's gotta kill Tambor's too soon but maybe i'll come back never this is the fighter and the kid we're out yes goddamn

Info

Channel: The Fighter and The Kid

Views: 480,815

Rating: 4.6502385 out of 5

Keywords: the fighter and the kid, fighter, kid, the fighter, the kid, brendan schaub, bryan callen, brendan and bryan, podcast, vodcast, podcasting, fox, fox sports, ufc, mma, ultimate fighting, mixed martial arts, Big Brown Breakdown, Brendan Schaub comedy, Brendan Schaub stand up, best of, best of the year

Id: oWTkEgvdxL8

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 180min 46sec (10846 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 25 2017

Reddit Comments

damn i used to hate d'elia and i still dont like his stand up but he is fucking hilarious on this show. shits on branton, shits on the 50 year old kid, shits on jin, what more can a cheeto addicted PF Changs employee like myself ask for?

👍︎︎ 21 👤︎︎ u/Ball_sakk 📅︎︎ Dec 25 2017 🗫︎ replies

Bobby Lee being brutally molested everyday for a summer when he was 9 is my favourite moment of 2017.

👍︎︎ 12 👤︎︎ u/ChaoticPenis 📅︎︎ Dec 26 2017 🗫︎ replies

30 minutes of bug fuck Tony and Skyler at the end. Hey Chin Reaper, do better.

👍︎︎ 10 👤︎︎ u/[deleted] 📅︎︎ Dec 25 2017 🗫︎ replies

Did not watch but michael rappaporawlt is so fucking unbearable, that is all

👍︎︎ 19 👤︎︎ u/SAAAACK 📅︎︎ Dec 25 2017 🗫︎ replies

Yep not one moment, of the episode with Bobby Lee and Andy Dick, and also the one with just BRyan and his friend. But they included ones with just Brendan though and no Bryan.

Fucking piece of shit.

👍︎︎ 9 👤︎︎ u/jaysenbergmercier 📅︎︎ Dec 25 2017 🗫︎ replies

theo von greatest beginning to any episode ever

👍︎︎ 6 👤︎︎ u/BaristaMan88 📅︎︎ Dec 26 2017 🗫︎ replies