Jeanne Robertson | Don't Trust a Man With the Luggage!

left-brain is financially frugal around our house we spell that CH e a P he's most generous if somebody else needs help you know that but on himself he will not spend it I booked my first speech in Hawaii or as we say around you Hawaii we were so excited we had never been there I didn't know what they were gonna wear I took all my clothes had it ready to go we were going to cash in points and stay at the Sheraton at Waikiki Beach an extra week had an airline ticket it was wonderful the only problem we had was that I was to leave home go to Minnesota make a speech and fly to Honolulu from there left brain couldn't go with me that day he had to come the day I would be flying but he had to fly from North Carolina and he was going to bring the luggage when will I learn the client called the day that I was leaving and said Jeannie I forgot to get gifts for the spouses in our group is there any way that you can get a hundred and fifty of your hardback books to Hawaii I said that's no problem I tell you they're hard back only so you know how heavy this was I said my husband will bring them with the luggage hung up my said to Jerry you got to take with all this bags and stuff you got to take these seven cases of books with you to the airport the airlines on ship them but you don't have to pay extra per box just pay whatever they won't get these books to Hawaii he said wait a minute wait a minute pay whatever they want there's got to be a better way than that you understand with left-brain that a better way is synonymous with a cheaper way he worked on his better way all afternoon he went up into the attic got six of the biggest suitcases you have ever seen I didn't even know there were up there no wheels on them one of them was a trunk I took to Auburn with me as a freshman he took the books out of carefully packaged cases wrapped each book individually in t-shirts shorts underwear shirts packed all these bags back and when he finished all of our clothes were widened up around these 150 books and they're in these bags that he shut up that you couldn't even pick up I just looked at him and I said well I wouldn't have done it that way but I'll I'll see you in Hawaii he said wait a minute you're the one that travels all the time how am I going to get these bags from the airport to the sheriff in at Waikiki Beach I said that's easy you just somehow get them to the curb you get in a cab and just say take me to the sheriff then it walk Kiki Beach he said how much you think that kept going cost why would it matter you would have just flown 10 hours your body Jerry will think it is the next day pay him get to the head he said what does it say in the little book he had been over to the Maine Memorial Library checked out a book on how to see Hawaii on 23 dollars and 42 cents of death I looked it up Honolulu Airport to the hotels at Waikiki Beach 20 dollars plus a tip $20 got to be a better way than that so well honey you could go on the shuttle but I'm going to tell you from experience you'll have to wait after that long trip for the shuttle to fill up and then you're going to have to go to every hotel that somebody is stopping at it and you're going to get there two hours before I do but he'll take you all that time to get the what does the little book say about the shuttle $8.00 be a smaller tip he said I bet there's a better way than that I said I bet I will just see you in Hawaii Aloha next day I gave my speech in Minnesota I had one little rolling cart I flew to Hawaii got off with my one little rolling cart went straight to the curb and got in a cab said here's your $20 and here's your tip take me to the Sheraton at Waikiki Beach I was checking in and I just asked the man behind the desk one question and you would have thought I had taken a pail of ice water and throwing it in his face all I said was has my husband checked in yet he backed up and raised his voice I thought for the benefit of the bellman standing over there and he turned into an Elvis announcer mr. Robertson is in the building I thought that sounded a little bit strange but I went up and I unlocked the door and there stood Jerry dripping wet bags everywhere golf clubs all over the room he said I just got here Aloha what happened honey was your plane late playing ran right on time it took me two hours to get from the airport to this hotel with these bags well what happened did the cab get caught in traffic I didn't come in a cab I found a better way I said you came on that shuttle and you went around from hotel to hotel for two hours he said I didn't come on the shuttle either I came on the city bus one dollar no tip now this might be a male/female thing the women will have to tell me this irritated me I was not the one who did it but this just irritated me I said I'm worn out honey let's just go get something to eat and go to bed he said I found the place in the little book we passed six nice restaurants in this hotel to go three blocks away to Denny's I heard a comedian say people don't go to Denny's people wind up at Denny's that is not true we go to Denny's we seek Denny's we have a satellite global thing on our car that pulls us in to Denny but when we pass the bellman one of them said everything all right now mr. Robertson it's a strange thing for bellman to say we ate and got back upstairs and I said honey I got to go down to the gift shop and get something and went down there and went up to the Bell stay in the me and they're working I said excuse me do you remember me yes mrs. Roberts um what can I do for you I want to know what my husband did nothing not a thing nothing no I said let me make sure you understand we love each other dearly we are best friends but I just since I'm missing something here he said mrs. Robertson are you aware that your husband came from the airport to this hotel with all that luggage on the city bus I said yes I am $1 no tip he said but mrs. Robertson are you aware that the city bus doesn't come to the sheriff the city bus stops two long blocks around that corner he said our bunch of us rock pier tourists everywhere and we saw a man your husband come around the corner with golf clubs on his shoulder carrying two bags almost stumbling under the weight of the bag people up here said look at that wonder where he is going you think he's coming here one woman says is it a homeless person he put those bags down and went and completely disappeared from sight we watched the bags that in a few minutes he came back around the corner with two more bags put them down and turned to leave another bellman stepped up and said but he never left those golf clubs out of his sight this time he disappeared and didn't come back for a long time and when he did he was dragging a trunk had another suitcase bags and when he got to the first floor he sidestepped and went on a little further and put him down and kept repeating the process till he got to the end of the first block and looked up here we said he is coming to the Sheraton we went down to try to help him but when we got 10 feet from him he said I can get it I've got these bags I don't need any help no no I got them this far the bellman said mrs. Robertson could it have been that your husband didn't want to tip duh a better wife would have not mentioned it I went straight upstairs what you gonna do with the $19 honey go to Europe I was most I kept saying all week $19 in his parking dinged up finally after about five days he said all right that's enough I did say $19 he said you weren't gonna be here for two hours anyway and I met some interesting people on the bus when you have loved knowing what they said that night is supper but then he said maybe the funniest thing I've ever heard left-brain say and this is what reminds me that things are just not gonna change I'm not and he's not cuz with complete sincerity he said it'll be easier going home because the bags won't be as heavy and they'll be two of us to take them down to the bus you you

Channel: JeanneRobertson

Views: 2,620,663

Keywords: comedy, clean comedy, jeanne robertson, chonda pierce, fannie flagg, jeff foxworthy, Jim Gaffigan (Musical Artist), Ron White (Musical Artist), Bill Engvall (Musical Artist), Blue Collar Comedy Tour (Organization), humorist

Id: XtknMuXY-NI

Length: 10min 56sec (656 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 20 2015