It's Time to Talk about Psychological and Verbal Abuse | Lizzy Glazer | TEDxPhillipsAcademyAndover

you're so stupid you're lucky you have me nobody else would ever want you oh shut up don't give me that look you don't know how good you have it you suck at that you're never going to amount to anything don't you know how much I love you abuse can be obvious it can leave bruises abuse can also be less obvious and leave only internal pain and suffering whether physical or psychological abuse is a form of bullying that undermines a person's self-esteem tears families apart and takes lives domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women in the US every day in this country alone more than 3 women are murdered by their partners or loved ones almost half of all men and women in the US had experienced psychological abuse by an intimate partner many experienced it on a daily basis when people think of domestic violence or relationship abuse they often think of the stereotypes that go along with it the truth is no one is immune to domestic violence it can affect anyone no matter what race gender socioeconomic background level of education religion or sexual orientation it is also important to remember that domestic violence is not just physical abuse in fact today I'm going to focus on the types of abuse that occur the most yet are the least talked about psychological and verbal abuse I grew up in a house with my mother father and three siblings I grew up in an unsafe house in a house filled with yelling cursing and pain it is really difficult to describe the way my father hurt my family he had a way to make us feel worthless he knew each of our weaknesses and imperfections and always found a time to point them out although my father was not physically abusive we feared him whenever I stood up for myself or my family he would corner me in my room and spew such anger and hatred that I feared for my life one of the most difficult parts of living with an abuser is the unpredictability some days we would be like a normal family sometimes he would go for weeks without lashing out at us it gave us all such false hope but of course someone would say something that he didn't like or do something that he perceived as wrong or listen to music when he didn't want to listen to it or even laugh too much and he would go off again it was like this ticking time bomb ready to explode at any moment then he would make us feel guilty as if we had really done something so awful to upset him like that as if we deserved the things he said and the names he called us as if we deserved the humiliation and the shame he would control us and our thoughts and after growing up with his voice inside my head at all times I started to believe that the things he said were true I started to believe that I was ugly fat stupid worthless and never going to amount to anything it's been two years since my mom gained the courage to leave him I finally have a safe positive loving house to come home to with no one telling us our feelings are invalid no one telling us to turn down our music when we are singing and dancing in the kitchen and no one to tell us to stop laughing when my father left It was as if we could all finally breathe again in fact a few days after my father finally moved out of the house my younger brother smiled up at me and told me that he no longer had to sleep facing his door at night as if my father was some kind of monster that might be lurking outside his room nobody deserves to live this way and yet many of you might be in a situation similar to the one I was in when I was younger I thought that I was the only one who had experienced this I thought I was all alone I had heard of domestic violence before but never realized that psychological abuse was just as real as physical abuse our society defines domestic violence in terms of bruises it is time to acknowledge the internal scars of psychological and verbal abuse it is so easy to get trapped in an abusive relationship and yet it is so difficult to escape whether you are a teenager or an adult you can get caught in an unhealthy relationship to help you recognize one I'd like to share five common signs of abuse now although these are usually prominent elements of abuse every situation is unique one you'll be swept off your feet in the beginning of the relationship it will be everything you ever wanted the fairy tale every kid grows up hearing about you'll be told that you're beautiful and you'll be showered with compliments and you may even fall in love but before you know it you will be blamed and humiliated you will be told that you are not enough and you may even start to feel as though you are not enough - your partner will force you to get rid of the things that make you you by doing this your partner will brainwash you and make you leave behind your old identity 3 to gain control your partner will isolate you from your friends and loved ones and make you dependent on them for the abuser will scream yell and curse at you and always find a time to point out your imperfections and mistakes 5 your partner will deny they ever did something wrong and blame you for their actions people shy away from conversations about domestic violence because it's easier to try to sweep it under the rug and ignore it than it is to face the difficulties and complexities of abuse but this is the reason why we need to talk about it I speak to you today to educate to raise awareness and to inspire change I speak to all of those kids that are in my shoes you are not alone I speak for the millions of others around the world who have stories similar to mine but who do not have a voice to share them thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 463,170

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Health, Relationships

Id: SWqi9whHeKM

Length: 10min 1sec (601 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 04 2018