Is It Worth the Wait? (w/ Stephanie Ike, Sarah Jakes Roberts & Essence Atkins)

[Music] welcome to the same room hey roommates on today's episode of the same room we're gonna be talking about is it worth the wait waiting is such a part of our everyday lives every desire we have is attached to a way but how do we live in that space how do we live between the gap of a desire and it being fulfilled or not fulfilled and so joining me on this conversation is pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts and actress essence Adkins I am so excited so let's get into it I'm so excited today about this conversation I mean I am joined first of all by my pastor that's a Sarah Jake's Roberts and essence Atkins you know pastor Sarah you have been such a great impact in my life you're my pastor you're my mentor your friend your confident I mean there's so much in you that has really blessed and shaped me and you have also shaped the landscape of women in faith you have a movement women evolve that is transforming the lives of women nationwide and all around the world it is incredible what God is doing in your life and since I have followed you on TV for so many years you have been like our you you've played such a revolutionary role in our culture you've really shaped how we do family and how we do life and I am so pleased that you both are joining me on this conversation honored to be here really especially in the company of such esteemed women and women I admire so I'm happy to be a part I am thank you so in this episode we are posing the question is it worth the wait now when we hear this topic we already think like we're talking about relationships all women coming together to talk about the way and we'll talk about relationships that's embedded in there but it's really about the weight in general you know weighting is embedded in everything we do it's attached to every desire we have and every human being has a desire and there's a weight attached to that whether it's the weight of the ideal family whether it's the weight of success and career praying for a miracle a healing of breakthrough in your life and so I want to dive into that but before we do what is something that you both have waited for and you've walked in the fulfillment of oh goodness yeah I mean I think that I'm I'm still waiting at what I'm learning to do is wait well wait better wait with more patience you know really waiting under the directive of first Corinthians right so waiting on myself and and patient in patients without keeping records of all my mistakes without keeping records and and needing to like boast and figure out how it is I'm better than someone else but really like waiting in a in a posture of patience and obedience and I think that it's a constant process I mean you talked about it it's a part of every journey and I think the mistake that we make is believing that we ever arrived I think when when you become stagnant just like water you start to stink so we are constantly in a process of waiting on us to catch up to the the vision that God and the purpose that God has called us to certainly I think that I waited for purpose when I was growing up I didn't really feel like I had this special unique thing and so I just started setting out on life doing whatever it was that came natural to me and it was in the process of doing that that I really feel like that I started involuntarily waiting for my awakening and when I experienced that awakening I realized that everything that I thought was random was actually playing a part into this incredible purpose that God had for me but I think the most powerful waiting seasons are not the ones that we sign up for involuntarily but the ones where we intentionally slow our horses slow down and say to ourselves I could do this I could do that but it's more important to me that I am present enough in this moment to know which path I need to take I think that that shows such a sign of maturity and it's not something that we're used to in this generation because everything happens so quickly but I am learning to wait for those moments where I need that stillness so that I'm not found in these seasons where I'm rushing and rushing and just doing when I could be standing and moving with intentionality that's beautiful and would you say that just seasons of waiting in your life has brought you to that understanding of now volunteering to say let me slow down and really just look at what is in front of me because here's the thing we we are alive so we have we have the benefit of being able to look back and say there was there was meaning in that there was a blessing in that there was purpose and design in that you know and and we can do that and not become victims of of anything really we can really learn that we are truly in charge of how we can move with intention to better you know like that that really is the blessing of freewill right is that we can go through a season or go through a situation and then make the choice you know and I and waiting is so important but again we're not accustomed we're not taught to wait well and it is not I don't want to I don't want to mislead anyone in thinking that like oh yeah it's always been easy for me I'm in a season of waiting now I mean my show is just canceled ambitions I'm sorry guys but you know I'm in a season now of waiting to see what what God is is doing and what the next is because in my mind in my design you know that wasn't going to happen I mean I'm on the first scripted show that own has ever canceled after the first season in a 10-year existence so that wasn't that certainly wasn't a part of my plan or what I was anticipating but what was extraordinary and what I was so grateful for was exactly what Sarah speaks to which is when it happened my position was yes God thank you God there's a purpose behind this it I am I disappointed yes was I counting on something on a different outcome yes but I trust you it's so amazing because it seems like you've learned that from your journey of waiting and now you can volunteer and say you know what god I'm gonna be still in this moment but you know the crazy thing though is that the process that leads us to that point when we go through these unexpected life events like I think about even in the Bible you know you have Sarah in the Bible who was waiting for a child to the point where she reached hopelessness where it's like now I'm over in or I've passed the time you have these swords all through you have Jobe who was waiting for restoration when he was you know he was hit with like the most devastating story that you could ever read everybody just must have skipped the story right and so we see this layered all throughout the Bible and so it makes me want to talk about even the weight and unexpected events you know and talking about unexpected events there is something you both have in common that I found so amazing at 14 you know Sarah we know your story with as 14 finding out that you were pregnant at 14 essence you were you know thrown into this unexpected career of storytelling and what I love is that there is something that was being searched for in the midst of these events that happened but both events really transformed an impact that the trajectory of your life and so we see how God in hindsight we can see how God used that to really shape your stories and shape what you're doing today and but talking about those unexpected moments Sarah I was reading in your book lost and found and you said that that we are all one heart break away from bitterness how did you because you were very transparent in your story about how that was connected to your first marriage how did you not embrace the identity of bitterness what was your waiting process of healing like well I think that the reason why so many of us struggle with waiting is because waiting makes us feel the pain it makes us become in touch with our emotions that's why it's easier to do that's why it's easier to go from relationship to relationship to go from job to job because there is something that happens in the waiting period that makes us have to face ourselves and I did become bitter it's not that I didn't become bitter I became bitter it wasn't until I decided you know what I need to wait I need to take a minute and assess I think it would be more powerful if we didn't call it waiting and started calling it assessing right because if you walk into the doctor's office and you're immediately seen by the doctor and you have a quick visit like of course you didn't have that moment in the waiting room but when you're in the waiting room you start thinking about the things that I need to ask the doctor about this and I need that's the doctor about that because in those still moments were able to assess and so I had to force myself to take assessment of my life when I realized I had been going and going and going since the time that I got pregnant at the time that I had my child trying to prove that I wasn't the girl who got pregnant trying to prove to the world that I wasn't this person who was a failure and it wasn't until I said wait you are the girl who got pregnant like you can't separate yourself from that identity that is who you are so we need to take a minute and assess this girl how did she become pregnant why did she feel like she needed to find love in all of these places and so I had to force myself into a waiting season and that's how I was able to up the bitterness I think we are all like I said one heart break away from bitterness one disappointment away from bitterness but the only way that we can assess how we became bitter and how we got disappointment is if we are brave enough and it takes courage to be brave enough to say wait I need to find out who I am now Wow and what did you discover about yourself what did you discover in that process of what was that girl drawn to at that age validation I got sucked into this world that was so much bigger than me which I'm sure you can relate to and I didn't know where I fit and so I just wanted to be a part of something that felt like family that felt like I was understood and that felt like I was seen I think that the end of the day all of us want to be seen and my husband and I say all the time everything that's wrong with everyone started when they were a child and I think that there's some point in our life where we didn't feel seen we didn't feel understood and I felt seen but I felt seen by the wrong people people who wanted to take advantage of me and so I had to understand that there is a part of me that needs validation and if I am NOT careful I will modify my own morals and my own ethics in search of that validation and so waiting allowed me to set up some boundaries okay we don't go lower than this okay we don't speak like this we don't give until we're empty ourselves but I wouldn't have been able to do that had I not been forced into this waiting season well I love that because essence you also connect to that story because although that we can say Wow at 14 you know now you you get the audition but what was the mindset of the it feels very you know from the outside looking in I think it feels much like the child actors that we are familiar with right I didn't have a stage mother so it wasn't like that story of like oh my parents pushed me into this and I had I was a child who was left alone a lot I was a child who had way too much freedom and way too much just kind of direction of my own existence my parents split up when I was just a baby and I was a very it was a very intelligent child and very disciplined child in many respects since I was given a lot of freedom and speaking to your point about boundaries like without having them as a child I definitely found myself in situations that I shouldn't have been in and what's funny is The Cosby Show was one of them like when I went in audition for The Cosby Show no one knew where I was I told no one like I saw a notice on the bulletin board you know thank God his hand was over it and it was legit and all of that but I just did it on my own that's the kind of kid I was if I wanted to do something I would just find a way to do it and so I found myself again searching for this idyllic family so it made sense because I was a very shy child and so I was emboldened to get what I wanted but I was shy and I was reserved so it was interesting when I think about it how was I able to just go read this notice on the bulletin board that said you know in search of girl 14 to 16 years old to play this character on The Cosby Show which was at that point after the first season the number-one show in America and we were all watching it and the real thing that gave me the impetus to do it was just wanting to be a part of something idyllic and family and love like I wanted to experience that because it wasn't my norm it wasn't my natural environment as a child so I was seeking something and it gave me it gave me some some hood spun some guts to go and try right and then I met success right away my first audition guest star on the number one show in America and people started coming to me and opportunities started happening and I really didn't even have I wasn't even able to gauge what was happening I've had a natural ability I've always loved books so we'll start there like God definitely showed me that I loved stories because from a very young age I was reading and loved to read and I would be in my room reading your mom used to read us bedtime stories yeah yeah she actually she's responsible she would read to me every night and then one night I remember very distinctly waiting for her to come in my room and say mommy aren't you gonna read to me and she was in the living room and she looked at me and she goes read to yourself and if you don't if you see a word that you don't know come and ask me and so that was what I did and at that point you know you've heard the same stories over and over again so you can regurgitate them almost by memory by rote and so I would be like then and and then once upon a time and in it and I was looking a really long word and I go mama was this word and that's what the routine became but that birthed this love of stories and escapism so that is what caused me to have the compulsion to go and try to do this thing that wasn't really in my personality I was a child too I was a dancer and even as a dancer I would get yelled at all the time by my teachers to stop looking down on the floor because my eyes every time I would do anything my teacher mr. Figueroa he's a lady but I was just I was trying to shrink I was trying to be small because my environment was so kinetic it was so frenetic it was so frazzled you know something is said in the beginning just like going back to the beginning of your story and your journey with seeking family and seeking love you know one of the things I admire about you is also your vulnerability and I read about when you talked about your how you express falling in love when it came to now your actual family falling in love how you both met you met on match.com which is beautiful and now going through a divorce and so when you what was that journey like for you where do you stand on finding love and finding that family again well you know it's interesting because again I - I'm in a period of waiting but like it's so in my mind when I left my marriage like I think I had the false idea and expectation like I'm about to be Stella I'm about to get my room back like this is what its gonna be and thank God I was so wrong like being able to be in that stage of wait and really like having God remove options you know because a lot of times I think that you're you're often as loyal as your options so I had no options and so what was required was self-reflection was assessment was taking responsibility for where I had messed up was really seeing the things that I wanted to change and really dealing with again what Sarah said just not anesthetize myself to the pain not distracting myself with dates with spending money with going out with partying with drinking with all of the things that we use to kind of numb ourselves to escape and I know that I'm fortunate in the sense that because of my career it's my penchant to to run toward how I feel and to ask why so that's a really wonderful skill that's come from my career it's taught me self-assessment it's taught me to constantly ask well why because it's always it's never about what it is we're saying it's always about why why we're saying it you know why we're doing those things and so that was an important time and it's been four years and I'm so happy to say that I'm still waiting but I see myself healed I see myself whole I see myself affirmed not from any man not from any connection but in really my identity in him and really understanding that God is so for me that he would protect me from myself yeah I love that yeah I love that and it's almost like just thinking about it and hearing your story it takes me back Sarah you have another coat I mean I love but you mentioned how you know even looking again like at your first marriage you said that when in him would have been losing me and so when we're looking at the past of the things that we're like god I want to win in this area and God shuts the door because there is that weight of you know you have the expectation of something and you don't actually receive that thing you know look thinking of like marriage no one is going into a marriage thinking about why I just can't wait for us but I love that statement because even for me I don't know what a divorce or you know marriage has it's like but I also know what it feels like to have a desire for something and the expectation that I had was not what I was met with and but in almost like again in hindsight realizing that if I won in those areas I would have lost me so we see the handprint of God that goes through waiting and whether it is that you know I may not have received what I wanted but God I've received me in that process you know so I want to talk about just the reality of what it feels like when we're waiting because there is that reality and some people watching this may feel like they're going crazy you know for me I know I would go through this moment of talking myself out of the things that I desire whether it's a marriage and I'll go through this moments of like God you know what maybe you don't want me to get married and maybe this is not it but that desire is there and so can we talk about some of the good and bad that comes with the season of waiting again for me in in my career you know I've been doing this a very long time and there are still levels that I believe too I'm called to and to achieve and I'm in the period of waiting you know it's like again every time you get a significant accomplishment you think oh is this it is this the thing that becomes the bridge to the life that I believe you've told me I'm going to have and then you deal with the disappointment I mentioned that you know ambitions was cancelled on January 15th of this year which was interesting because January 15th is the day that I filed for divorce four years before and when it happened literally it's the first time in my career I've done 910 television shows as a series regular that have lasted anywhere from 13 episodes to 91 right when it happened my first thought was thank you God my first thought was oh this is intentional and there's a reason in this so Lord just just help me to wait well and help me to excavate whatever needs to go so I'm prepared for what's next but I I met it with such joy and expectation it shocked me it shocked me which is again how I know that this waiting past my divorce has been time well spent because I wasn't broken normally the the part of me that have been activated was tons of fear tons of anxiety you know I mean my bills are still coming whether or not I'm working or not my bills still come and right and it's and and it becomes a whole nother level when I look at me with my hair tie it becomes a whole nother level when you have children right when you have when you're not just responsible for you you know you it's it's a whole nother nightmare when you imagine sleeping in your car you know sleeping in your car by yourself that's about sleeping with your car with your family is something completely different and that's a whole nother level of responsibility and so normally my I guess my response my immediate response would have been more of a panic situation and really like I was so grateful grateful for what had been and I immediately I called one of my best friends and I immediately I told her what happened and immediately we just started praying and what came out was just praise thank you God thank you God for the experience thank you God for the blessings thank you for the rooms that I'm already being talked about it I think because it's almost like from your story it is the the good is that moment of trust in God where you are allowing yourself to go deeper in your trust and so there is the what may seem like the bath of disappointment but in that moment it's like but God you weren't good how do we speak to the people who don't have that history of faithfulness how do we speak to the people who don't have that memory of like when they're hit by disappointment and it just seems like but God where are you because in your story you know that day January 15th could have cost someone else it could have triggered but God here we go again you know this and on the same day and so how do we speak to that like how do we press into that well I think it comes down to really understanding what that thing you're waiting for means to you because sometimes we're waiting for things that we think are going to validate us this is going to help my ego in some capacity to be that this is gonna give me more worth or more value and I think when we're waiting on something that is going to give us more worth or value and we don't receive it then it takes away from our Worth and value but when you come to a place where you realize your Worth and value isn't measured by what works and what doesn't work that is based on who you are a period that the fact that you have air in your lungs is a sign that you have Worth and you have value then you're not anxious for anything because when I start wanting something too bad I'm like what do you think this is gonna prove about who you are you know and so it helps me to really have a healthy desire that says if it works out it's God's will and if it doesn't work out it's God's will if he says no then that means that there's something different and better for me than what this opportunity was going to represent but I think when we are on a pursuit that is based on our insecurities and trying to prove people right or wrong about us then we desire things in an unhealthy way I love that and so it goes back again to self assessment you know why what is this why do I have this weight on me for the thing I'm waiting for I love that but then looking even into like practical things in both of your lives Sarah recently you had shared about your fashion business and you should have post about that it was not at the level of success that you desire for it to be what inspires you to keep going what inspires you to stay in the fight and this could speak to the business people this could speak to people who are after a goal and it has not reached that level of success that they know that it can birth and but what what what keeps your fight well one thing is I knew I hadn't thrown everything at it and I think it is unfair for us to expect results when we haven't put in the type of work necessary to yield those types of results and so when you know you haven't thrown everything at it it's difficult to be like okay well why is [Laughter] today I hate salad right where are my eggs what is happening but I think it really goes into one I think it has a lot to do with social media where we do want instant success that I'm comparing my year to in business to Oprah's 40-plus years in the business and so I think that we measure ourselves unfairly and I think the other thing is that we don't really apply all of ourselves we focus so much on success and not work ethic and so I didn't mind sharing that I wasn't doing well because I also knew like I haven't thrown everything that I have at it and so part of my goal is to throw everything I have at it now I have no problem walking away from something when I know that I gave it my best shot that means it wasn't for me I threw everything I had at it it didn't work so that means that there is something different for me and I need to take this energy and throw it to a different direction so it was important for me to show that I had only got in one order that day I think that it was evidence to anyone who's building in business that just because I may be successful in this area or it may look like I have it all together in this area doesn't mean that I don't have an area that I'm still working towards and I think because of this generation in social media and how we see things happen literally what seems like overnight that it is important as much as we can with our platforms to not just show our highlights I'm not one of those people who are like oh we only show our highlights and not our low-light so don't show your highlights any more because it is amazing when you finally experience success in an area that you've been working going but I also think especially the more that God grows you that you have opportunities where you show people will hey listen this is still an area where I am becoming so let this be encouragement to you no matter where you are in your journey I love that and something key said is just that how we glamorize success but we don't speak about work ethic that is beautiful work it's the thing it's all it's like drinking your water with that like you have to work for everything yeah and I think that even that idea of waiting like we're waiting to arrive somewhere not realizing that when we arrived there we have to work to stay there I just want to hit this deal I just want to make it to this platform because then I'm not gonna have to work anymore I think it's such a bother and if we're not careful we're really going to set people up to start looking for a place that does not exist it doesn't exist and they're going to need things drugs alcohol whatever sex to anesthetize the pain of feeling like I thought that I was going to be looking for something that would anchor me not realizing that I could have been anchored in a one-bedroom apartment and not in this multi-million dollar home that anchoring comes from within there's nothing that you're searching for outside of you that's gonna help you be anchored within and that can happen whether you work at Walmart or own Walmart because what you are really seeking is within it's never in the existential that's not and even just to turn the corners on this conversation a little bit essence I read when you were talking about you know when you are in this hot and heavy scene and you've had some really good hard heavy you know you know imagine that you have a scene with you know Tyson Beckford enough Tyson Beckford yeah you go home but you reminded that you're alone yeah we would have these hot and heavy love scenes and the reality was as I was in Atlanta away from my son not in any kind of relationship not even talking to anyone and it would be the juxtaposition would be so painful at times you know because I'm pretending to have this great romance and I'm living it out on screen but the reality is is like literally every trip back and forth because I would try to get back to my son within two weeks for a few days always and ever literally every airport there would be tears shed because there wasn't a person waiting for me on the other end there wasn't a person to be like you make it babe are you safe you back and it was very painful and when we had to do our first love scene actually asked our hair makeup team who are believers I said you know I need prayer are you guys I'm terrified like this is so not a part of my day-to-day that I don't even know how to pretend to be happily married in this situation you know I need help because this is extremely painful for me to pretend to be in love with someone was very painful but but also very healing like so healing to have to surrender and tell the story of a woman who's struggling with infidelity and trying to put her marriage back together there was so much healing and being able to tell the story of Titus and Amara and you know even under the broad circumstance of a nightie nightly soap opera but there was still I was still finding the truth in and I was still finding how does this apply to me and what what can I learn from this and also just finding my own finding my own comfort level again of my sensuality because at the end of the day you know when I'm in a room like this one except with you know three times as many people so it's not a romantic environment and to have to step outside and just surrender to the situation and try to tell the story of this couple was a challenge for me but I was again just grateful grateful for everything and seeing it really as a blessing even in the pain of it even in the challenge of moving through it but knowing that God was meeting me you know that there were people around me that I could call upon and I can always call out to him and just say I need help and I love that I I love to to be in the position in my life which is so akin to you where you can admit you need help yeah I love that because I think that when I think of that story you know I just think about social media because it is facing the reality of a life that you're still healing from and so many of us when we are going through this journey in life where which were healing from a pain of disappointment but we are met on social media to encounter the lives so many people walking in the very things that we once desired and what I love that about what you just said is realizing you need help and something that both of you really emphasize on and really live out is the power of sisterhood you know you talked about how you know what got you through your divorce was the women in your life Sarah the woman evolved that is you champion sisterhood can you speak on what you have learnt learnt with the power of sisterhood well I think the idea that I look at other women and think man she's got it all together and man she's not struggling the way that I'm struggling and she's looking at me maybe thinking something and I think unless we are willing to open our mouths and tell the parts of our lives that cannot be seen from the outside looking in then we create invisible barriers that keep us from connecting but if we're willing to open our mouths and bear our scars recognizing that bearing those scars doesn't mean that we are any less than a woman than the person beside us then we may just give an opportunity for a woman to not feel alone and when a woman recognizes that she's not alone that she's not the only one who's gone through what she's gone through and that if someone else can find joking and someone else can find strength again then maybe just maybe the same guy that did it for her would be willing to do it for me I think that our faith and our ability to believe is contingent on the miracles that are around us every single day but if we don't give those miracles a voice then we don't realize that there's still power for us to overcome power for us to heal when we come better so our testimonies are so so important even then the power of the perspective of miracles are around you and so because even going back to your story that the women in your life were the women that healed you and saved you after your divorce but seeing that these are their stories are a sign of the miracles in my life and not for me to hide myself because I think that's what many of us go through where rather than seeing the women around us or the relationships around us as you know even if I'm having a rough day and you're happy and you're thriving it is not to measure myself to you or to hide my scars because you're life is flourishing but it's to see your life as a miracle and knowing that the same God can do it for me and so how did you you know kind of like break that barrier of maybe the temptations even hide but opening up to the women in your life that huge I mean I think exactly what Sara said is that it's what happens is it becomes contagious hope becomes contagious you know it's very easy to latch on you know the the the leech of a bitterness of despair right it's those things are so they're almost effortless and being able to access so it's really important that we be bold in our joy and our testimony and our and our excitement about what we've been through but that requires transparency and it's such a powerful thing because again it removes isolation you know I mean the cross is really about connection right the cross is about connection here and the cross is about connection here they're happening simultaneously you know what I mean in tandem in conjunction with each other and so it's really important that we don't put up a front about how we just all have it all together and it's always been that way I think there's so much power and what we come from and what we've been through and so much so much to be gained as Sarah mentioned just the strength of it and the and and the hope of it and so for me at this agent stage I am always the prayer that I go back to is when I feel those things because they do occur right to spare and anguish and and just feeling like oh you know this is all in vain or when those moments happen I try to be still but I also think one of the best ways I know how to activate hope again is to serve someone else sure that's right find someone that I can serve your service can simply be seeing your sister next to you and seeing her enough to know if you ask her how are you doing today and you hear I'm okay what's that and you know what you don't have to tell me I'm gonna pray for you you know something that says there's all the time you have a thing that when you say how is your heart yeah and that there's something about that phrase that just shatters the walls because when you say how are you I'm good doing great but when you say how is your heart that makes you pause and think I remember you asked me that question one time and I was about to do this but it's so powerful like those moments of connection and how powerful that really is I really loved that and talking about service one of the things that I love about service is that when we serve another it is almost a reminder and it's coming from a place that we are not living in deficit and we have what we need it brings us to that in mind that reminds me of the scripture in James and I believe is James 1:4 and it talks about let patience have it's perfect working you so that you would be complete and you and lacking nothing and so it's almost that place of coming back again that so I love that practical step of serving another person when you feel like you're in Louis moment find someone to serve because you will be reminded that you still have something again you know what else I think it does I think that it allows you to be comfortable with vulnerability because when you're serving someone else they're in a vulnerable position and your goal is to tell them it's okay I'm not judging you we're going to get through this together and how can you not be on the receiving end of that type of love and affirmation when you're giving it and so what's serving good for me is it made me feel comfortable being vulnerable if this person can come into this space and trust me with their wounds I wonder if I could trust someone else with my wounds because just like you said hope is contagious I think vulnerability is - and one of the things I hear so often from women all over is that they don't know how to be vulnerable we've taught our women to be strong to be independent and not need a man and we're doing really well - men we're graduating at a higher rate than men we've got that strong independent don't need anybody thing down the only problem is we're struggling with depression we have mental health issues we've got anxiety and we don't know how to vocalize it so asking questions like how was your heart at our events were intentional about having a moment where you literally lock hands with the woman beside you and I tell see that woman yeah you don't know what she's carrying you don't know what scars she has but we have to really practice vulnerability and so I challenge people I'm going to challenge you guys yeah no that's a that's a practice and that's definitely one it's it's funny because there's a similar exercise that you do in acting where you lock hand saying you look into each other's eyes and you kind of just are in silence for an extended period of time and it really it's not a staring contest it's really trying to see what's going on and to just show them whatever whatever the response is to what I'm seeing I'm trying to give you a response without words you know what I mean and and it's something that I think is such a beautiful practice that you can do anywhere and anytime with everyone yeah start with yourself yes yourself in the mirror and saying like Who am I and how was my heart and how was my day really and how is that divorced really affecting me I was raising this child really touching me so that you can really see yourself my good friend dr. anita has this thing where she makes this day our name and I hate three times because we're so busy saying other people's names that we never bring ourselves into a moment so I think practicing vulnerability even with your own story your own feelings and emotions it's a great start I love that and what I want to add to this conversation because you know there are many conversations like this where we encourage people to hang in there stay in the fight don't give up don't quit you know God is with you but one of the things I've seen that is missing from a conversation like this is going back to the why what is the point what is the point of the things we desire what is the why are we because I believe that this would heal a lot of people because you have stories in the Bible like Moses you know was called by God to lead the people into the Promised Land so he had a ticket in there but he never got to experience it and so we have to now speak to the person who has been you know praying one of my best friends when her mom had cancer she was believing God and praying and fasting that her mom would make it and her mom died and so we can have the story of telling people you know because that that that the the narrative of don't quit is definitely you need to have tenacity you need to be relentless you need to have that fight in you because again work ethic but what happens when a person does not experience it because ultimately if if it's about just God doing a thing why does he need to take ten years to do it why not just do it now if that is the sole purpose and that's the sole goal that God you gave me this and so I want to talk I want to ask you guys from your perspective what is what would you say is the point why do we have the ability to walk in the manifestation of the promise what is the point of the promise what is the point of desires being fulfilled whew that's really that's a tough question for me when I think about the desires of my heart and some of them may or may not ever manifest the great place that I'm in is just understanding that it's never been about getting to the thing it's been about who I've become along the way that's alright and who I've inspired along the way you know one of the amazing things about living a life that has a public persona you meet people and they'll say they'll they'll remind you of just how things touch them I was in New York this is a strange example but bear with me as I go left to come back so I was in New York and I was at essence and I I went to have my makeup done and the guy in the makeup chair he goes you don't remember me and I'm like I don't yes my name is Tim and he goes and I met you back when you were dating so-and-so and I was like oh my gosh that's like amazing he's like and I was a little boy and you walked into this party in Rhode Island cuz the guy that I was dating was from Rhode Island and he's like and you were on smart guy and that was my favorite show and I came up to you and I asked you a million questions and he goes and you sat there and you talked to me for an hour and I was just a little boy and you were so kind and so nice and I will never forget it and for whatever reason it just made me feel seen and empowered and Here I am and I'm a makeup artist and whatever but I just want to tell you thank you and I'm just like the ripple effect of what your kindness does the ripple effect of what you just being present does you don't know and and you're not meant to know and it's okay not to know but I I so trust that if you're moving in the intention of love if you're moving in the intention of service and kindness that you are affecting this world in a way that is beautiful I think it comes down to is this about your promise or God's promise I think for me I had these ideas of how my life should recover after I got pregnant as a teenager and I thought if I got here then I would have recovered so I had this promise that I was pursuing and then when all of those things stopped working and I just started just living from vulnerability and saying you know what this is where I am this is how I'm living my life I started serving other people trying to help them feel better about where they were my life begins to evolve into something that looks more like God's promise than my promise and so now that I am out here walking on water living out God's promise for my life living out as Oprah would say got to dream for my life when things don't work out for me and I'm fighting towards something I am willing to acquiesce and say maybe I was fighting for something that wasn't a part of God's plan and I trust God's plan so much that even when those things that don't work out I just shift my expectation so that I can be in the will of God I have come so much further than I ever thought that I would be like so much further like the fact that I am able to serve women every day through woman evolve that my husband might get to lead these amazing campuses that I'm here talking to you all like this wasn't my this wasn't my recovery plan this isn't where I thought I was going to live but God had this vision for my life that was so much bigger than what I could have imagined that my way is to simply just do his work to be in his will and to not want anything more than I want to be in his will because at the end of the day everything that he does works sometimes we lose in a season but then we realize that though it was connected to an easier than greater win then we start trusting him and so I trust God and I don't have all the answers and that doesn't mean that everything is going to be perfect or that I'm going to get everything I want but I am willing to not be so selfish that it has to be my way so that there's no room for his way I love what you just brought that point of selfishness because that wait period it's almost designed to break that off of us because when we are focused on the will of God it brings us to this reality that everything that we are opportunity to experience is really about the responsibility of the blessing and not the satisfaction of a reward of the season it you know and so because we're not offending exactly you know because even when I think of your marriage to Pastor to ray Roberts my pastor when when we look at that from the outside is very easy for people to look at that and say oh she you know you want you've got the desire but what would you speak to in the purpose of God through the union of you both oh no I mean I did win no but I know that my husband and I have been brought together because my husband facilitated an environment that allowed me to tap into my authentic voice and spirituality which then allowed me to reach millions of lives through my way of delivering God's Word because he created a space for me so although on the surface level like I have this credible man who's my best friend I also know that on the deeper level that the kingdom level was really God bringing us together so that we could reach a generation who could have otherwise have been lost and I love that because and and the winning part because you want wins you know but the thing is that we in our generation has a way of looking at things from the surface level of you got a man not talking about the type of match that part that's her and that's the beauty that's the beauty of it because even with your essence you talk about how you don't take every it every you're not hungry for just a film right that it's about the purpose of the film and I think that that is one of the greatest things that people can take away from this episode that everything that we experience it serves the purpose of God and so god is great we're gonna enjoy it we're going to you know how the the scripture that talks about the blessings of God comes without you know sorrow so we would have enjoyment of that but it's beyond the surface of oh I'm living my best life it's how am i living my best and we're gonna have persecution and so that is no less good when we're experiencing persecution so in order for us to have the glory of the resurrection we have to be willing to go through the persecution of the cross and so many times when we're going through the persecution we don't believe that there's glory connected to it so we don't want to get on the cross but when we're willing to sacrifice and surrender our desires our comfort level for whatever it is we believe God is doing in a season if that means turning down a lucrative film but that doesn't have the purpose that you want or turning down opportunities that could catapult you but would take you away from your morals and ethics we get on a cross to do that we get on a cross to be vulnerable we get on a cross to serve other people but we do that because we believe in the resurrection power that is connected to any time we lay down our life that God's gonna be glorified in us and through us for the betterment of the world I love that I love that and before we wrap up you know you had mentioned about this power you know first you brought up like looking at another in the eye and then you mentioned looking in the mirror what would you say when you look in the mirror both of you what do you speak to about yourself I'm proud of you I'm proud of you essence I'm proud of you that you your first instinct is to move in love that your first instinct is to move towards forgiveness and compassion and empathy I'm proud of you that that is that the world and the experiences and and 48 years of life have not made you close that off in fact it's only expanded your capacity to want to move more towards Christ so I'm proud of you for that yeah yeah and and and you know and know that nothing is happening in a vacuum there's purpose and design no I think as I look myself in the mirror I say rest just simply rest in the present moment to not be so busy reaching for the next or thinking about what all is on you and what all you have to do now but to dare to rest because I truly believe that our power is maximized when we exercise it from the place of rest not anxiety not pressure and so I'm really practicing rest right now I love that that is so powerful I love this this is sisterhood this is sisterhood but I was life-changing yeah I I'm excited I want us to pray and yes oh this is so good I want to dance and pray oh you're right and essence I want you to pray and one of my prayer points you know or one of the things that really is on my heart is that people would understand that waiting the power of waiting is not about the guarantee that what we want will be fulfilled but it's the guarantee that we will find ourselves and who we are would be revealed and who God called us to be would be revealed Oh Heavenly Father it is with so much gratitude that I hold these hands I'm just so thankful Lord Jesus and I just passed it whomever comes across this we know is by your design it's nothing arbitrary to the person that sees this so we are speaking to you so the soul that is watching to the souls that are here in this circle know that we love you know that we believe in your ability to be your best self know that we just honor and thank God for who he has designed and called you to be and know that the weight is not about being punitive the weight is not about punishment the weight is about pruning you so that you can grow so that you can ascend to Heights that are beyond your imagination and know that there is no turn that you there's no left or right that you can not recover from God removes our sin as far as the East is from the West so know that if you make a wrong turn just stop and just confess Lord I need to Lord help me Lord please see me and help me in this moment and he is not only there he's always been there he's always been there and he's just waiting for you to ask for directions and he will guide you but know that the wait is never in vain the weight is on purpose for your purpose Lord and we are so grateful that you are the mind of God is so beyond our understanding we are so grateful that you're you thought of us and you knew us before we were in our mothers wombs and that we are created for purpose and for design and for love we are all capable of wonderful things in Christ Jesus and we are so grateful for all that you take away and all that you add and all that you bring us through Lord we say we love you we give you thanks and praise we give you all the glory in Jesus name Amen

Channel: The Same Room

Views: 889,844

Keywords: The Same Room, Sarah Jakes Roberts, Essence Atkins, Stephanie Ike, The Shade Room, Waiting, Worth the Wait?, Special Episode, Culture, Faith, God, Jesus, Christian, Is God Real?, Shameless, TPHLA, The Potter's House OneLA, Woman Evolve, OWN, Oprah, Red Table Talk

Id: qyK7G5uEprE

Length: 53min 30sec (3210 seconds)

Published: Fri May 08 2020