Yes, there is something else I want to ask you.
For a long time already. I would like to ask you if I can call you "daughter". I've wanted to ask you that for so long. Oh no, I didn't want that (crying)! Assalamualaikum I'm Tamu! And today we are here with a video with my mama! Hello, Salaam Alaikum! My mother-in-law. And I thought it is a very interesting topic to make a video
about our expectations and what is the reality of our
relationship being a cross-cultural mother-in-law and
daughter-in-law So we will ask each other some questions and talk about our
experience. Maybe it will help some other cross-cultural mother-in-laws
and daughter-in-laws to build their relationship better. And my mom-in-law will be talking in German , because she's
more comfortable in it. I will understand I hope. And if I don't, my husband is gonna translate a little bit
for me and let's get into the video. So, hello! Hello my dear! The first question is: How did you think your relationship would be with your
daughter-in-law before. Well, first of all it is like this: You raise your children
as best you can. Gives them many values that are important. And then, of course, you want a good partner for your son. Yea, what I hoped for was... That my daughter-in-law will do him justice. To love him very much. And also brings certain things already into the marriage. The most important ones. To honor him and to love him and.... Yes, that you can have a good life together.
Complement each other. That's what I've always expected from my daughter-in-law. That both complement each other and all the good things
come together in the marriage. And yes, that's actually been my expectation. Yes, and then of course I also expected that she is from a
good - relatively good - family. And also already brings certain values with her. And also is a little bit skilled with house works already. That's what a mother wants, because she has always done
everything for the son. So that the wife continues to do that a little bit. So that he feels comfortable like he did with his mother
back then. Did you ever think that he is going to marry someone
non-german? No, I wouldn't have expected that. I actually thought... My son lives in Germany, we are in Germany. And he has always had contact with Germans at school. So of course I thought that one day he would meet a German
woman and marry her. Naturally That is of course, as in every country the mothers or
fathers might wish... That they marry from the same country possibly... Because it's easier, of course. I got to know that my parents.... My father is British, my mother is German... When they met, it was not so easy for them. The German parents couldn't accept it in the beginning. That my mother wanted to marry an Englishman. There were a lot of difficulties. But eventually it got better? Exactly, and later, of course, it all got better and better. And everything turned out great. I have the best father in the world so - all good. Love you, Opa & Omi! One of the questions maybe the audience would like
to know from you is: The expectations you had from your daughter-in-law, do you
think it would be fulfilled with how generally German girls
are? Yes, so the German girls I met... It's actually a mix. It depends on the familiy they are from, the German women. Sometimes they learned a lot at home. So that it all works out well. But I have also unfortunately experienced that many are a
bit spoiled. Don't know so much when they get into marriage and got to
learn everything first. But that's not so bad. You can learn everything together then. When you live together. Anything is possible. And the most important thing is to love each other. What kind of mother-in-law did you think
you were going to get? So my father and mother... I think in every south-asian household it's like... The father and mother always, from the beginning, teach
their
daughter that: "You are gonna go to your in-laws house. You have to take
care of this. You have to take care of that." For example: "You shouldn't chew so loudly when you are
eating, what will they say?" "You can't cook this dish! What if they like it? Why don't
you learn?" You know? Very sensitive about these kind of things. They are always on and on about how you are going to the
in-laws' house. And how you have to act and behave so they are not angry
with you. It is not (like that) in every household. It's different
from parents to parents. But most of the parents are like that. And from that I kind of got the idea that I have to be very
careful with what I do and what I say. I might say something which someone doesn't like and it
would be a big drama in the family. This kind of things. Also from our dramas and movies. This kind of thing always happens in south-asian households. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have lots of fights
and they don't like each other. And different things like
that. And sometimes when I used to talk back to my
parents, they were often like: "Oh you are talking back to us! If you talk back to your
in-laws then it would be really bad! How are you gonna
manage?" "How are you gonna manage in your in-laws' house?" So everything is very strict. Strict, yes yes. The parents, when they have daughters, they try to bring
them up very strictly. So that they behave well with the husbands' parents. I mean, it comes from a good place. They want to prepare their daughters so they have a good in
their in-laws' house. There are a lot of families who are living together after
marriage. With their mother-in-law in the same house. So it's more important to be in good terms, since you are
living in the same house. And in Germany it's not like that. It's obviousl that you
move away. You don't like in the same house. So yeah, my expectations were... I have to be very careful. My mother-in-law might not like
me. Then i have to be careful with what I say. Sometimes I might have to hold back what I want to say. I thought it would be a very complicated relationship with
my mother-in-law. Did you think, before you got married, that you would marry
someone from another country? Never. Not even in my dreams I thought that I am gonna marry
someone from outside my country. That is very less likely to happen. And I didn't even think, most of my life, that I would have
to go to another country. And that I would have a mother-in-law with a different
nationality. You know? All the time I was thinking about the strict
mother-in-law. Because my parents were making me think like that. So the next question is: What did you think when you got to know that he wants
to marry someone who is from another country? Yes, as I said before I had a little bit of doubt because... First of all it is so far away. And then I also realized that it was
so difficult for my parents. Yes, of course I also had fears. There is also a video that you made about my fears. Also about your faith. And a mother, of course, is always afraid of how things will
turn out to be. Because this woman is from a completely different country. But everything went great and I am very happy about that. What did you expect it to be like? With a mother-in-law from a completely different country? I was very confused as to what to expect exactly from a
mother-in-law. Because all this time I was thinking about one
mother-in-law, one kind of mother-in-law. And now it's a completely different scenario for me. And I didn't really know what to expect, but I always hoped
that something is always positive with me and her. I was as well very much scared, because I had no idea what
to expect. What kind of mother-in-law you would be. That's why I was very scared, but at the same time very
hopeful. Because I knew you wouldn't be the strict kind, which I
envisioned in my mind all the time. I thought it would be way better than what kind of
mother-in-law i thought about. So my expectation was high. Now the last question, which is about the reality of our
relationship right now. Is our relationship better than your expectations or worse? And if it is better or worse - why? So in any case, it's the best relationship I could think of
with a daughter-in-law. I never thought it would turn out so great either. But yes, because my son is so happy, of course I am also
super happy. And I am so happy about you, dear Tamanna! Are you only happy because your son is happy? Or are you
happy from your own position as well? No, of course I'm happy that you two love each other so
much. That you are such a warm person. And you can give each other everything. And I love you... I love you too! And that will never change. You are a very wonderful person, Tamanna. That's so sweet! I couldn't ask for a better daughter-in-law for my son. Thank you so much. I love you. Really. I love you more. What is it like for you? Is everything alright with me? With your mother-in-law? So, I think you already know. But for clarification to everyone: You are the best
mother-in-law i could have ever imagined to have. You are not like a mother-in-law, you are like my friend. You are so fun, so loving, so caring and always joking
around. And not taking anything to heart. Not so sensitive about... If I'm joking about something,
then you also joke with me. I could have never imagined that I would be joking around
with my mother-in-law and she would be joking around with me
too. I couldn't even dream about it. Because i had no clue about it. But yeah, now that I see and
I'm experiencing these things, it's really really so
amazing. The fact that I'm so far away from my mom and dad and you
are so caring towards me and making sure that i am never
sad. And whenever I'm sad you invite me over to your house. Whenever you don't see me you miss me and I miss you too. And you taught me so many things I can't even explain. Not like cooking and house cleaning, not this kind of
things. In many other different ways you taught me so many things,
without even realizing, I think. I like that you are not a "sweet talker", you know? To be on good terms with me, saying some things to me happy?
No. You always say what you really mean. If you don't like something you say it. And I like that honesty from you. And also, I take it in
such a way that... How my mother would tell me, you are telling me the same
way. So I don't mind when you tell me (for example): "Oh no this is not right, this is not right. You shouldn't
eat that!" or "You shouldn't do that!" So I feel like you are my mom and you are telling me
something is not good for you. Then I take it in that way. I never take it to my heart. And that was one of the biggest things I used to think -
that this kind of conversations with my mother-in-law... Would it go so well between us? But yeah, with you it's just so natural. I don't even have
to try. That's the best compliment you can give a mother-in-law. I don't know what else to say, that's so nice! And I also love how sensitive you are. Often you just... if
something bad happens to me you just start crying. It's not good to say that I like when you cry... But yeah, I love that you are sensitive and I think I
learned to be sensitive from you as well. So sometimes your son says that me and you are same - We are
so sensitive. And I hope that our relationship always stays good, no
matter what. I hope it will always be like this. But why not? I love you, you love me.... Let me give you a hug, too! Yes, there is something else I want to ask you.
For a long time already. I always say, when I write to you or something.... on
WhatsApp or something... When I am addressing you...
Then I always say "my daughter-in-law", but.... I know I am not your mother, but I would like to ask you if
I can just say "daughter". Obviously! Always! I've wanted to ask you that for so long. You are crying, look mama! Don't cry! Oh no, I didn't want that (crying)! I would like to simply say "daughter" to you. Do you remember that poem I wrote for you on your birthday? I wrote that you are my mother! I have always thought I don't have the right, because I am
not your mother. I gained a daughter by you marrying my son. And I want to say "daughter", just "daughter". You are my loving mama, I always call you "mama", never
"mama-in-law". so i can say talk Yes, obviously. All the time you can call me that. I always thought I don't have the right because...
your mum is your mum. So what my mum can call me... my mum doesn't even call me
daughter. She calls me "Tamanna". That's just normal, isn't it? I don't think my mum will mind if you call me daughter. She
would love it... If she knows that you treat me like your daughter... Whenever i tell my mom and dad about how you treat me, they
are so happy. And they feel so lucky, that... Your parents can be so proud of you. You are such a wonderful woman. There is no better, there really is not.
Once again I have to say that! No better woman than you for my son. That is such a compliment! Your son is getting cringed I think. No no, but we should wrap it up! I think he has heard enough from us women now. Can I say one last thing at the very end? To all of you who listened to us here, how things can go. Even when a couple comes together, who are from different
countries. Or have different religions. That's how it can go - wonderfully it can turn out. And I want this to reach all parents. That they should really give their kids a chance. Because if you love each other, you always find a way. Also the whole family, to stand by them, to stand by your
children. And that everyone will be happy and that things will
always go on. Yeah, that's what I wanted to say. So that was a little message from mum. And we have come to
the end of this video. I hope you guys enjoyed this conversation between me and my
mum. Not my mother-in-law, my mum! It was really insightful for us to talk face-to-face about
our relationship. And what were the expectations and how it is right now. I hope you guys benefit from this video in one way or
another. And if you guys enjoyed the video, don't forget to leave a
like, comment and subscribe, if you haven't already. And make sure to hit the bell button as well! And we see you in another video, inshaAllah! Take care, Assalamualaikum! Salam Aleikum, stay healthy everybody! And learn from this video, dear parents! you
