Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is A Disgrace

that belongs in a museum so do you [Music] for the wonderful Squarespace and is also full of spoilers remember when your Heroes were allowed to stay frozen in time time that you could revisit whenever you wanted to see them at their glorious best maybe on VHS or DVD or if you're one of those fancy types Blu-ray the time when they could stay handsome Brave and not be losers well wake up dinosaur you're in the future now you don't have to wonder if Indiana Jones became an alcoholic loser you get to see Ms one in the very average ticking all the new Hollywood boxes Indiana Jones and the doll of Destiny yeah Harrison Ford is back in a lucasfilm produced rehash where Harrison returns to play one of his classic roles but now that he's older the only option is to make him a miserable loner who lost his wife after losing a son who gets shown how it's really done by a young brunette woman with an English accent bypass the compressor huh that needs a father figure but also doesn't need to be saved no it's not Han Solo but I can see he could be mistaken as it's the exact same setup you know how to use one of those yeah you pull the trigger a little bit more to it than that Han Solo and Indiana Jones could actually be the two most popular characters in film history and when Kathleen Kennedy got her hands on them she made them both losers yes Indiana Jones and the doll Destiny is it and we get to witness Indy not enjoying the swinging 60s but before we get to the most recent timeline in Indy's story we're going back in time to Young Indie at the tail end of the second world war where he finds himself on a train fighting he's while trying to recover stolen artifacts and rescue an old friend I'm pretty sure YouTube doesn't like us using the word Nazi so I'm going to call them the Germans in black sorry to my German friends we know you ain't all bad and you do make amazing cars the opening of this film is the best part of the movie Yes the de-aging isn't perfect but we've come a long way since Tron too we get a very Indie Chase with all the elements you want in an Indiana Jones film good pacing tension humor and a lot of killing having us go back to Old School Indie gives the filmmakers the freedom to just allow Indy to be Indie they can ignore Kathleen Kennedy's input and cast choices the two things that are going to drag down the rest of the film in the opening Indy is still Indiana Jones It's So enjoyable that if they are going to keep abusing these old characters and bringing them back to the big screen I would rather they just stuck to the D Aging for the whole film but I'm guessing that wouldn't work because they'd still find a way to make him a failure and they really should have gone to the trouble of daging his voice because every time he spoke it was old man Harrison coming out of that young face got a lot of nice stuff so they let the old man voice slide when the rest of the sound design was Rock Solid they really do recapture the Indiana Jones punch feel where everything from the punches to the guns and tanks feels like it has an extra bit of power behind it the repeated Blast from the train mount gun sounds enjoyably powerful it's here that we get to meet mads Mickelson's Jurgen avalor who is also interested in stolen artifacts mads Mickelson just becomes characters it's nearly impossible to not enjoy him when he's on screen even when you have other people on the scene that are as pleasant to watch as a cat coughing up a furball when we first meet Dr Volo there is the feeling that he may have the same archaeological passion as Indiana Jones where being with the German marching dudes is just a means to an end in his quest to track down ancient treasure a bit like Renee bellock it was awesome in writers of the Lost Ark you know it's true this would have been better if Dr Volo was a more complex character for Indy to go against but sadly as the film goes on Dr vola gets more and more one-dimensional and turns out to be just bad German wearing black dude who still wants to win World War II personally I would have preferred the series didn't return to the Germans in Black again for the third time there are so many other world events they could draw from even the Dreadful Crystal Skull moved on to the Russians being the new enemy but like every other Series in Hollywood these days we have to just copy the original bloody stories maybe they could have had a story that involved the space race or the Iron Curtain or maybe just don't make the film at all that used to be an option I like that option anyway we make it back to film current day 1969 to be precise and Indiana Jones is alone about to retire and is an alcoholic at least Han Solo wasn't an Elco and had Chewie to cuddle up to chewing we're home yes old Indy is a depressing sight a depression that never lifts an old man on an adventure that he doesn't want to be on with people that don't want him there give me that back that was my father's watch the paper thin set up to get Indy on this adventure is linked to the murder of his colleagues it makes little sense and is just forgotten by the end of the film in fact in his involvement only helps the Germans if Indy hadn't gotten involved Dr Volo would have not been able to find the doll of Destiny and even if he had found it all the Germans would have died trying to use it exactly like what happened in Rise of Lost Ark where the Germans would have never found the ark without Indie getting involved they're digging in the wrong place and as we saw even if they did find it on their own they still would have all died when using the ark just like what happens to all the Germans when they use the dial in the doll of Destiny story at least in Raiders there was a reason for Indy to get involved he was full of life and his passion was Finding and saving precious artifacts I'm sure everything he would do for the museum conforms to the international treaty for the protection of Antiquities in this film he's depressed has no interest in going and doesn't believe in the dial but he goes anyway because Kathleen Kennedy needs him to go to save her job good luck with that foreign and this is where I have to pause for a sec to explain to the people who are already hitting the keyboards trying to explain to me the very obvious plot that Indie is depressed because he Sun died yes keyboard Maniac so I do understand the reason I'm criticizing the decision to make him depressed and the reason for it because the amount of people who think if they just explain the bad parts in a bad story it's somehow magically fixes the bad like the people criticizing it missed some hidden code somehow idiots you know imagine if lucasfilm had more than one idea for old white dudes one of the few good things in Crystal Skull was that they gave India nicely deserved farewell he was married to the love of his life and had a son that could take over the family business I mean it wasn't up there with riding to the Sunset and Last Crusade which I think is where we all would have happily stopped but at least it gave Indy some respect and what if we continued that idea of him being the happy family man in this film and when we joined him we found Indy happily married living the Suburban life of neighbors and mowing lawns and maybe like most older men he is struggling with the monotony of retired everyday life maybe he has an annoying neighbor has to deal with maybe we could take from Harrison Ford's real life and have old Indy crashing planes in the golf courses every couple of months and Ford's plane struggling to stay in the air there after engine trouble moments later crash landing on a golf course but he is happy with a family knowing that the adventure days are behind him then one day Matt returns needing his father's help mud has continued his father's quest for adventure but his new Mentor has gone missing and he knows Indy's the only person that can find him because mutt's missing Mentor is Short Round wouldn't Indie risking it all by returning to his old ways old ways that could see him end up dead never to return to Marion wouldn't indeed choosing to leave a life he loves to save an old friend be way more interesting and emotional than lonely old alcoholic goes on a trip with his annoying goddaughter as a choice slightly better than sitting at home drinking himself to death by the way I'm not concrete or mutton Indie looking for Short Round Short Round And Indie looking for mutt could be better we'll have a vote on that one I love you okay you know I would never dare say that Kathleen Kennedy and Luke's film I haven't got an ounce of creativity or originality but could we sometimes not make older guys complete failures back in the day they didn't have to make in his dad a loser did they he was an educated man who had lost his wife and carried himself with some pride forget how wonderful it was thank you it was rather wonderful like most men did in that time you know living through a couple of world wars and all that but not Indy the world famous archaeologist and college professor now lives in a cheap dive where he has hippies for neighbors and no highly paid speaking engagements for him his own students don't even give a and they enrolled in his class now just quickly don't be like old sad Indie watching your life go by live like young attractive Indiana Jones and take Life by the horns and be a success get your own adventure moving by getting that great idea you have in front of the world with an amazing website by Squarespace you may have an incredible product you want to sell maybe it's your talent you want to put out to the world well with the Squarespace website you can sell anything to the world and with all their new features it couldn't be easier things like fluid engine the Next Generation website design system from Squarespace that brings the ease and freedom of drag and drop designing so there's no limit to how good your 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bad is turning up it suits the style of film and also keeps the story cracking along and the little clues of how to get to the next destination was half the fun and it was always done with finesse and energy Clues boot into a hand or Indie hitching a ride on a submarine of all things far out adventurous fun in doll of Destiny it feels like little thought was given to how Clues were found or how each group gets from one destination to the next Dr voller at one stage chooses which country he needs to go to next by seeing Indies far off boat going left instead of right not East not the most interesting or inventive way to get them to the next destination now on its own that is a small complaint but it sums up the feeling of the second half of the film but apparently this film had massive amount of reshoots so maybe the interconnecting scenes got lost while they were trying to fix the main parts of the story and like nearly everything in this film The Action gets worse as the film goes along which is Criminal for a series that is some of the all-time greatest action scenes it starts off well with the opening train chase it's not frantic and the slow pace of the cannon repeatedly going off slowly destroying the train reminded me of the tank Chase in Last Crusade not over hyped and not running a thousand miles an hour it was a bit of a surprise to see Dr Vella alive and well in the future after copying one of the heaviest hits I've ever seen I know he had 20 years to recover but it's hard to put minced meat back into human form it made the pole hitting scene in hereditary look tame when things start ramping up with the manic tuk-tuk Chase where they try dismally to make Phoebe well a bridge and an action star a chase that includes Helena's ex who wants to cut her head off we know how he feels he could have really improved this movie and the fastest tuk-tuks in the world we also get the character Helena telling us how awesome she is how great her life is and how beautiful she is and they're all lies I tell you your life is a mess she's a thief who was happy to set up Indiana and get him killed yes the guy that's always been nice to her several times she sets him up to die sorry I just want him to shoot you the one wanted for murder the friend of her father who has done nothing wrong to her and this I think is meant to come across as some cute girl pair of strength that in reality just makes us psychotic Helena's only successful relationship is with a pubescent boy who needs someone in his life to teach him how to shave and swim now I'm not sure the story changed during reshoots but somehow Helena is straight out of college after just finishing her studies as well as being an international Thief Auctioneer who has been raising a boy Thief for years I just graduated in archeology the kid she's raised to be a hairy moralist non-swimming Thief give me that back that was my father's watch even when he steals on the Dives that are helping them she just gives him a proud grin she really could have done a worse job bringing him up those days of come and gone the worst action scene is Led in the film where Helena rides a motorbike up to a plane in the rain to jump on board while her pubescent companion who has never flown a plane follows her in another plane he is piloting a scene that is hidden in the dark and heavy rain so what I'm guessing is to hide some shoddy looking effects or it could be just to hide Phoebe Weller Bridges physical performance which would be a wise move because earlier in the movie we see Phoebe Weller Bridge running across the New York rooftops in that sense she looked very coordinated and out of breath and she'd only gone about five steps it was nearly as good as when she had to slowly ride a motorbike up to the camera to look cool and she had all the confidence of a newborn bird on Ice nothing like casting a gangly uncoordinated praying mantis in an action role you can thank Kathleen Kennedy for that that was her choice because she has a real fetish for British brunettes which is not always bad choice he had the biggest lie in this script is how it's constantly trying to convince the audience that Helena is super attractive Helena tells us she is beautiful men are taken aback by her and strangers literally stop in the street to stare you know everyone has different tastes I'm sure in a British upper class effluent upbringing that included sirs and ladies the type of people that judge people by the stock they come from people that thought that these two were a catch I'm sure in that world she knows so well that she is seen as attractive no figure straight up and down horse face with distinctive markings oh she's probably very good stuck I'm telling you her bringing myself a class she'd never heard the word Droid before auditioning for Solo or Star Wars story Droid where they just pictures there wasn't explicitly as a robot now that's as affluent as saying You Can't Sweat peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat but to many people more the working class she is about as attractive as putting a wig on a cat's armhole and what sort of research would you do on me editing customs practices the need for this film to convince us that this woman would stop men in the street is an ongoing Hollywood Trend or pays the narcissists they'd have to see their average selves and everything like super heavy catwalk models or tiny Leading Men yeah now to continue with the trend of this film getting worse as goes along the ending is out there absurd with Indian the Germans traveling back in time to 212 BC to witness a Roman battle where they crash a World War II bomber and leave it back in Roman times over 2 000 years ago somehow I think that would have affected history we would have at least heard about it we must face the ramifications of the prime directive the filmmakers weren't even clever enough to sink the plane in the ocean which may have removed it from history but no to be fair we don't see much of the outside world once Indy returns to 1969 maybe leaving bits of an advanced aircraft back in 212 BC did change the present day future people might have been jetting around and flying cars for all we know we just didn't see him outside Indy's window now there are a lot of Christians in the world and a lot of people believe in the Bible the Ten Commandments and the story of Jesus so including those spiritual beliefs in an adventure story is a lot of fun and adds a lot of Wonder to the story Voodoo also has a great connection to the old adventure movies and religious beliefs when you start adding aliens you're starting to lose me that doesn't fit with the spiritual beliefs of the other movies and it was also poorly done so that didn't help but when you get to working time travel well let's say remove from reality and beliefs you may as well have Indiana Jones and the flat earthers then please for the love of God Hollywood stop adding time travel Multiverse to all your franchises I can't take it anymore it's called capitalism an innocent guy accidentally makes the time travel journey to Roman times and back I want to see the movie of him spending his life in a mental ward because no one will believe his story we can slot him into the bed next to Bruce Willis in 12 Monkeys bro I know you're crazy as hell alone I really took the existence of time travel in their stride where Indy was always pretty excited to share his adventures in my hand it's beautiful Marcus I can get it I got it all figured out and I understand he's surprised to say Marion but you think he might have mentioned to her what just happened to him but why would he because in the end it was all done for nothing the discovery of time travel doesn't affect anything or have any meaning the trip back in time doesn't achieve anything the doll itself doesn't end with any interesting twist or higher purpose and we don't get to see any resolution for the murders that started all this everything that's happened is just forgotten because it's more important that they reenact a moment from when they hooked up once before but no no it wasn't the first time they hooked up it was another time I was a child I was in love he was wrong and you knew it before splitting again to go on and hook up again to get Marion pregnant before splitting it again I wrote to follow it back again to Mary then just split again after the death of their son and now getting back together again for at least the fourth bloody time we know of they have abandoned each other so many times I'm starting to think they really shouldn't be together they're not really the romantic couple this film's trying to betray actually I'm surprised they even remember the elbow kissing moment they must have it on Blu-ray all right in these luck in this film is horrible if he got shot during one of the chase scenes where his goddaughter is lecturing him it would be a mercy killing and even Indie knows this because at the end of the film Indiana sees death as a better option than returning to his own life which has been made worse by the addition of this pitch he literally begs to be left to die but he doesn't get that wish because stick arms here knocks him out and drags him home to again reunite him with Marion we already had those two get back together in Crystal Skull this film rips that reunion apart and kills their kid just to give us a miserable version of them getting back together again and none of it contributes to the story at all it's all just another slow miserable death of a once great franchise [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music]

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Keywords: indiana jones & the dial of destiny review, indiana jones & the dial of destiny spoilers, indiana jones & the dial of destiny spoiler review, indiana jones & the dial of destiny ending explained, indiana jones 5, indiana jones, dial of destiny, spoilers, spoiler, movie, review, reaction, breakdown, today, 2023, ending, explained, easter eggs, time travel, ancient rome, archimedes

Id: ZDv0F9RqscA

Length: 18min 31sec (1111 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 30 2023