"If I Were You" w/Jake and Amir and special guest Bo Burnham - Bro Job

this is a head gun podcast you right this is a cool dudes name and it's a cool dude so what's a cool dudes damn motorcycle that's a grackle dude thing in a second last name Smith I love that thing is also related cousin alright hey guys motorcycle Smith here longtime listener first-time writer I haven't had a problem that I thought I needed to write about until now my friend came out as gay to me and only me a few months ago which I'm totally guchi about the issue is I think he wants me to give him some experience not so Gucci he's commented a couple of times that he thinks I'm cute while and while I appreciate the compliment I sense a deeper motive like when he straight-up asked if he could give me a [ __ ] he's been a subtext there already religion a lot what is he new one I don't he's been a great friend to me all throughout high school and I think he's the Jake to my Ameer or vice-versa so maybe I should just let him give me a bro job to equal all the times he's been there for me I mean I like [ __ ] and I'm no stranger to the act but from a dude my best dude I'm not sure would it be wrong but maybe I should just let him for an early Christmas gift or something or just leave it until he finds an equally gay pal to do it at least that guy would enjoy it if one of you two came out as gay would you let the other one suck you off for experience thanks love motorcycle PS come to Wales no ever been to Wales I come to Wales all the time I watch Free Willy endure God um I will say you're a good friend yeah oh just yeah I mean that you're like a good friend just for even considering it no yeah just for like being brand yeah yeah I agree yeah that being said I almost feel like any decision you come to is right I'm saying thank you with the fact that you seem like in such a good headspace was so thoughtful about it um is it possible that he's that this guy might be a little bit gay no this guy Yeah right motorcycle yeah cuz justice I mean to entertain it so much tonight I don't think so like I I I don't think there's any world where I would consider letting a mirror blow me whoa I'm right here dude I'm sorry what if I what if is someone you knew less would you be more or less inclined to do it never say a bo burnham type not necessarily you but I guess oh it's happening um everybody listening at home thought that blood that boat is blue no I mean he's what he's like a high school kid yeah yeah it's not it first was not weird whatever I mean the weirdness would be like whatever happens going forward mm-hmm I don't think it's a problem that he's saying that to you I I think the fact is his lack of coyness is actually appreciated yeah he's saying that like can I do this you know I think he can go I think like if you want like if you want to do that for I'm sure I mean I think what's a huge favor for the rest it's not a huge favor to let someone blow your bigger favorite letting someone yeah like blowing them that would be a your fans a bigger favor for sure I mean you seem like you're not completely uncomfortable seem it's not uncomfortable with I even in the spectrum of being like you know in the Kinsey scale yeah the Kinsey scale this he seems like he has I don't know which is uh six is is gay they're easily a zero is the is uh the least gay you can be this guy's maybe a two yeah and I guess if you're a two and you're comfortable with it then that's fine yeah basically comes actually ever lit I don't think you should get a [ __ ] or give a [ __ ] based only on a favor well then it could be two revokes half of the [ __ ] you've received in your entire life you think what that grows is hungry for your [ __ ] every time you break you brought it to dinner oh Jesus Christ if favor [ __ ] are out of the were out of the question we're water left this is what the other night a hundred percent it's it's too much of a one-sided yeah I don't know that this guy wants to give a [ __ ] that like newsy does he just wants to feel big his mouth I feel like he's the guy don't say and hasn't blown someone I feel like you're already is a good compromise here this guy puts on the goggles he's looking down he's seen a chick he's getting blown it's actually the guy suddenly everyone's getting off in a positive way the guys getting off to getting his dick sucked by a virtual woman that guy was blowing is enjoying it because he gets to suck his best friend's dick yeah it was not good yes I'm saying what is the scenario for you Jake what's the bad way this pans out cuz I'm saying the worst way it pans out is like for me he goes soft or something that's like yeah sorry yeah guys doesn't worry I guess my fear might be complicated and it was it's already a little complicated because they're talking about it I'm not saying do it but I'm saying it's not like don't do it right I I'm not trying to scare him too much but I there's a world to me where he has an experience that he didn't really want to hear it's uncomfortable thing for him the friendship gets ruined maybe he grows to resent him in the future maybe that makes him I have a district deep-rooted distrust for gay people oh no it's partly so young he's so young that he's that you're saying this could set him up on a path to getting um homophobic I'm saying there's a world where this guy feels pressured into letting somebody blow him that he doesn't want to blow him and I and I don't think that that's okay let me let me get a question for you yeah he's motorcycles friends with a lesbian who says I'm there's not totally comparable but I'm just saying like I think there's a little bit of like you know if you're not into it who you know whatever he has a lesbian friend who says I'm never blown a guy I'm very curious now that would be totally fine [ __ ] I'm homophobic cuz that's like I think that's a little bit I just thought we're not just not homophobic it's not homophobic it's more like here you kid and whatever you put a little your friends pickle in your mouth who cares 2060 you're saying zoom out to the point where [ __ ] don't really mean anything wait is that does that make me home afoot I know I'm one but no it's fine I'm either all like I might be homophobic or I might um did not respect women cuz I'm like oh you know I don't want well I think I'm only on that go hand and hand off and I think a lot of homophobia is you suck dick that's like what women do truly I do I do think that like a lot of homophobic early-phase misogyny just like in right other class I really I I might be like there might be some sort of deep-rooted homophobia in me but I try really hard to be open but I guess what I feel when I think about this type of thing is like I really want everybody to have a very enriching sexual experience yeah and in like the rainbows and butterflies world where like everyone's happy that I yeah I always try to create I want this gay man who wants to blow another guy to find a gay guy so they can like 69 each other and and have like a beautiful simultaneous climax versus him like blowing a half chubby dick in his parents basement okay I I get that but I would say that in the real world of sexual congress being pretty messy and emotionally manipulative and a little terrifying to friends that are kind of like sharing doing it's like you know like whatever I'm saying this it's really easy for me to come around to that at that idea I'm saying cuz I feel like if it was like a guy and a girl or I mean give me a break if it was two women if oh no no no but no no this is true and tell me tell me if it was two girls right now and a girl was like I guess I'd let my friend go down on me you'd be going like oh letter you'd be like hell you right now i am i think there's up would you be going that'd be weird and don't do that with her cuz girls there's a religious holy fine with girls at the making out yeah there's even like kind of like I'd be more corrupted but I my advice would be the same because I don't want people to have the only I guess like a lesbian blowing a guy well I get that that's different for cuz if you had known yet like right and she's that no access to repeat another penis or not necessarily no access but like he has no access to other yeah I'm saying he's like in the closet and really probably scared he just came out to him thing I'm so scared to go in the world can I just like put it in my mouth for a second my life is hell so I'd be like here as a pencil for food as a waiting relic like yeah it's are you Salem I hate you I [ __ ] I respect where you're coming from I don't want you to suck my dick but we're gonna find you that's good totally what I'm saying I think that's your solution he's going like should I do it and I'm saying you as yourself who are no interest in that are saying I would I truly think if he had no interest he wouldn't even be entertained right that's because it's not like it's like I really don't want this and I feel guilty it's going like Chennai and like that I'll to Judea like maybe you should I think the answer is like hey if you if you're interested then yeah if you have or if like you're like if you're like I could do it do it I think if it's like yeah sure yeah if you're anything if you're like not know you're saying if you're anything over 51% just just roll down the matted out you what do you think I mean I wouldn't do it but at the same time I wouldn't advise somebody not to do it so like it really comes down to how comfortable you are with getting blown by your friend uh why don't you why don't you baby step towards it have them jerk you off a little see that nobody's done country they have within no there's another that's yeah I think that's why I go on a date like that would be much stranger making out you rather have a friend blow you then make out with yes you said it's a definitely like hold on let me figure out if that's the truth to me yeah I mean like you can't I couldn't imagine pic picturing a girl while I'm making out with a guy close your eyes to them covers though who knows what hell yeah dude ow ow ow I'm saying if I was a 15 year old kid and my best friend was gay and I was the only one he told you and he was like for the love of God please I'd be like I'm not a hard now I'm not a hard now I'm comes but are you a hard yes are you hard at heart regardless I'm always hard that's such a real fear out of these jokes we're trying to be progressive helmi around it if I miss so serious we can be fair that like there's some double standards happening somewhere about this yeah you know totally but why well because we're terrible men are still straight men are still terrified this see perceived as gay and it's not new you can still be totally accepting but I understand if you race that like in general women aren't attracted or sexual women aren't attracted to men that they think are de so we really even if we're completely accepting we don't want to be seen as that as we think it's unattractive even if we're not bigoted at all it's just like I want to be you know when I'm strong yeah as opposed to women who can feel free to experiment or identify you something because because that's sexy eg you know so it's all weird [ __ ] [ __ ] weird [ __ ] man so if I were you would you do it you say no you say I'd say hey how the wind blows okay the wind is their friend's name right I like them I know the danwon blows I would personally probably not do it you gotta be super open-minded to be down with it that's like I think this guy's a great French for even entertaining yeah you don't you don't know the friend though either and I'm not I don't love Big Sur in a fifteen-year-old boy doing it I'm saying if I was 15 I have a best friend I'm the first person he tells ya then he's like I've never done it with any I'm saying like you got to put yourself fully in those shoes yeah this is the only podcast in the world where we will advise 15 year old boys blow each other what I would do if only I were you

Channel: Headgum

Views: 289,273

Keywords: ifiwereyou, jakeandamir, boburnham, headgum

Id: yqfPCmuTcM0

Length: 13min 11sec (791 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 29 2016