IELTS sample essay (band 8.5): Addressing Key Task Words Points

hi everybody welcome to write to the top I'm Adam in today's video I want to walk you through an essay a completed essay from start to finish from understanding the task to planning to writing etc I've already written it so we're not going to do it in real time but eventually I'll do a live stream of a necessary writing an essay in real time what I want to focus on a little bit extra today is making sure to address the keywords in the task so recently I've been seeing a lot of sample essays about a particular question and it seems that everyone is making the same mistake when it comes to this particular question now a thing you need to understand about IELTS every once in a while they're gonna present a task a question task that is not very clear they make it the language a little bit complicated or a little bit unclear that's one of the ways that they also weed out the good writers from the bat so sometimes they want to do it so they reduce the scores people have to come back take the test that's a business right so that's not what we're looking at we're looking at how to distinguish the keywords and make sure that you address them all properly so this is the question I've seen recently people are struggling with living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement so a few things to keep in mind here what's the first thing that you're gonna need to address first thing you need to pay attention to you're going to talk about social problems and practical problems and you need to focus on these two separately how do you know this word or these words as well as so social problems as well as practical problems meaning one and the other meaning these are two separate things so because they separated them clearly that means that you have to address each of them clearly you have to tell the reader what our social problems you have to tell the reader what our practical problems what are these what are those that's one thing you have to keep in mind you also have to pay attention to the word you now in general when you are writing an essay do not use the word you to refer to the general you not you specifically you when you do something the general person this is informal you shouldn't write this in academic writing but they did that here so it can be a little bit confusing remember this you and this you are not the same you the second one is you the person looking at the question about your write an essay the first one is the general you don't you shouldn't use the first you in an essay they can do that if they want it's a little bit confusing but what what it brings to mind is who like who is the who is facing the problems so social problems and practical problems to whom okay how does the for speaking a foreign language cause a problem and who does it cause a problem to the individual the immigrant or society at large okay so we're gonna address this question as well and lastly to what extent do you agree or disagree a lot it's amazing how many people forget to address this word to what extent very simple you just say I completely agree I completely disagree you've answered that question but a lot of people forget to do that there are other ways other ways to address this but make sure that you do address it and also at the end don't forget all of this has to do with speaking of foreign language now keep in mind if you live in a country where you have to speak a foreign language realistically you're not actually speaking a foreign language in a country you're living in the country you're living in has their native language you are the one who speaks a foreign language not the people living there so you it's a foreign language to you but it's the local language so this question is not the best the most well-written but you have to deal with it make sure that you know which key terms to write about so now what about what am I going to say here what am I going to write about in this essay first of all what are social problems social problems are big problems integration and assimilation building relationships social relationship professional romantic relationships basically having a bit of a life a social life not being lonely not being subject to bullying which can happen if you're isolated a little bit if you lose your self-confidence depression suicide these are all social problems practical problems means like everyday things that you can't do because you don't speak the language shopping banking getting a job health care going to a doctor's office getting a driver's license if you can't speak the language how do you tell the doctor where are you having a problem where the pain is what medicines you're taking etc now because of the you the immigrant I'm gonna make sure that this is the main focus of the essay and the minor focus is going to be the general society because realistically if I'm an immigrant to a country and I don't speak the language society doesn't have any problem they go on with their life I'm the one who has the problem but if their country has a lot of immigrants who don't speak a language this could be a major social problem for everybody but because of the you the individual you the immigrant then I'm going to focus more on the immigrants problems I'm gonna if I disagree or agree to what extent well I'm gonna disagree that this is a problem in big cities and I will agree that it's a problem in the rural areas in the countryside so I agree and disagree you know you'll see how I present that in the introduction okay so that's my basic plan now I'm going to start writing my essay okay remember what are you going to include in your introduction what's the main topic what's the specific question debate or topic and what's your opinion if you're asked for one how are you going to present it very generally very briefly migrating oh and don't forget to paraphrase as much of the actual task as you can migrating to a new home can be a challenge so we're talking about movie to a new place living in a new country especially when one does not speak the local language so living in a new place speaking a language you do not speak in the local language that's the general topic and can be a challenge could cause difficulties so I'm introducing the idea of problems while this communication barrier I don't want to repeat language barrier language may present some immigrants with difficulties in their simulating now I'm using assimilating as both social and practical if you can't do everyday things you can't do the big social things either in assimilating into their new culture I do not agree this isn't necessarily true for all newcomers necessarily true for all this is where my extent comes into play I believe it's true for some I believe it's not true for others right depends where they live notably those who move to the big cities so those who move to the big cities I don't think they really have too many problems which means those who move to the small towns and villages might have some problems so right away I've answered the questions I've looked at the topic I've looked at the possible problems there maybe I've given my opinion and I give you an idea of how I'm going to support my opinion my viewpoint okay 53 words pretty short pretty sweet get to the point focus more of your word numbers in the body paragraphs okay so now here's my two body paragraphs I'm going to split them up I'm gonna have topic sentences for each I'm gonna have a transition from one focus to the other so let's start with the first body paragraph most of today's major cities are multicultural hubs where a variety of languages are spoken so this is my general idea I'm going to focus on the big cities and obviously the people who move there and I'm gonna say that multi that big cities have many cultures in them there are many languages spoken so right away you get the idea that language shouldn't become an issue for new immigrants this means I'm gonna elaborate that a person newly arrived in one of these metropolis E's is a synonym for cities if you want to get your vocab score up there can likely find members of his culture with whom to interact while adapting to his new life so when a newcomer comes to a big city he or she can find somebody who speaks that language his or her language and do everything he needs to do while he's learning the new language so he can still interact he can still go shopping and in a supermarket where the owner speaks that language he can go to play sports in a place where people speak that language meanwhile learning the new language in other words this person should find it relatively easy to take care of practical matters like shopping opening a bank account getting medical services and so on practical problems no problems moreover many of these immigrants immigrant communities have centers to facilitate social interactions so the practical problems not a problem social problems also going to be no problem because there are centers there are community centers where they can build a social network conduct business even find romantic partners all while using their native tongue as they learned a new language a little bit repeating here I shouldn't repeat it but practical things they can do all the practical things in their native language while they learned a new language social things they can do in their native language while they learn the new language so no practical no practical problems no social problems on the other hand I'm contrasting I'm looking at the other side of the equation because I said sometimes it's a problem sometimes it's not those who move to less cosmopolitan areas surely have more problems both social and practical so I'm completely switching focus to the not big cities without being able to communicate with neighbors store clerks or even with doctors these immigrants can find each their struggle to survive so the pride there's a lot of practical problems which means every day is a struggle leading into my social problems making things worse is the fact that they may end up friendless and even experience abuse by the locals with whom they cannot engage so they can't make friends and soon enough the locals might start you know talking badly to them making fun of them abusing them some other way that's not only will a person feel lonely but he or she may be viewed by the local inhabitants as a stranger not to be trusted so now you're starting to have a situation where the whole society is being affected people look at this immigrant as unwanted untrusted different so the immigrant becomes isolated and the locals become a little bit skeptical and suspicious in the long term this harm is not only the individual but the social harmony as a whole social problems both sides big cities no problem for practical social for the immigrant or for the society small town practical social and individual and social society problems so I've built both sides again I'm not giving an equal argument to or from I said from the beginning my thesis was it's not a problem big cities it is a problem with small towns body one body two equal and conclusion very simple very straightforward to conclude migrants who move to areas where their compatriots live in numbers and look a lot of people can Patriots people from the same country do not have a difficult time adjusting to their new home the problems of integration does apply mainly to those who move to more rural and remote areas where language barriers can be a serious issue again just basically summarizing the whole thing big cities probably no problem small towns serious problems ok three hundred and twenty three words so good length again try to be around three hundred to three thirty anything less or more your but risking problems and basically that's it I've addressed all that all the issues social problems practical problems the individual society and to what extent yes in some cases no in other cases okay and that's your full essay that should get you a piece in the 8.5 a little bit of repetition there as well so if you have any questions about this if you want to know more about how I got to the all these ideas you can ask me in YouTube's comment section you can see this essay in my website there's a link in the description box you can go read it slowly and carefully and in full and again if you liked the video give me a like don't forget to subscribe to my channel and come back next time for vocab grammar writing tips test tips etc okay see you again then bye bye

Channel: Write to the Top

Views: 19,415

Keywords: English writing, writing skills, language test, English grammar, English vocabulary, how to write an essay, essay writing, English test, English skills, test preparation, IELTS high score, TOEFL high score, how to write in English, IELTS high band, IELTS writing, TOEFL writing, academic writing, academic vocabulary, writing samples, IELTS academic essay, agree/disagree essay, IELTS essay, band 9 essay

Id: dW_e_7f6Kl4

Length: 14min 22sec (862 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 14 2020