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I once caused an injury to one man whilst trying to get a different man to say the word vegetables please te right just the word vegetables yeah do you really like the word vegetables um not not as a general rule no but I liked it when this man said it why what was it about this man the way he said vegetables it was funny did he have a speech impediment no he didn't he was a very intense man though and he was also Austrian I was with a friend and he's he was a colleague of ours sorry and I overheard him say vegetables and we both found it incredibly funny um so can you just roughly give us an impression of how he used to say veget even just he said it exactly like this vegetables then we happened to be on a coach trip with him and so we spent the whole coach trip trying to get him to say vegetables again so where were you where were you going and how you I was on a school trip I used to be a teacher so we were and he was he was a teacher yeah he was a teacher did he teach he was the head of languages and he was head of languages the head of language just to go vbl imagine imagine I'm the man okay I'm on the coach I'm I'm sat we're driving F go um so I said so um yeah you're very big aren't you this isn't like him at all you're very big aren't you that's it so I was saying things like oh I've been trying to um keep fit lately and I know that you're into keep fit you know would you recommend for a healthy diet and he was going well you know I would uh you must eat a balanced diet you must eat greens and uh you you must enjoy some protein in in L I was going yeah yeah but I mean if you were to group some of those Foods together and he was going well I mean yeah you must have carbohydrates of course and you must have and it was it was horrific it went on for about an hour uh and every time I tried to find a new angle for vegetables his ludicrous Austrian interpretation of things led us down a dark alley it it was literally an hour in the making and how did you finally get him to say it um I I honestly can't remember it came out of nowhere and he suddenly said it and he said it was such passion it was he he went oh would course you must have vegetables I I started biting my hand to stop myself from BL and my and my friend who was next to me there was a there's a jagged piece of metal at the front of the coach and because it was so funny just to remind you of course and my friend saw the piece of metal and pushed his knee into it on purpose to stop himself from laughing and blood started like spraying out of his started spraying out of his knee now this is getting elabor at this story and I'll tell you another detail we went and did the trip which was in Paris and then after we came all the way back all the way back to to um Cal and I said to him um you know we put all the kids passports in that hotel in Paris last night did you um did you remember to CU he was in charge of the trip did you remember to bring those and he he he was standing up in front of the children on the couch and he went oh [Laughter] [Applause] shaser and we had to speak to the Port Authorities and get permission to take the kids on without passports where he went back on his own can I tell you one more detail as well we were also standing in the middle of Paris under the Eiffel Tower we've been there for an hour and the kids were all running around and he came over we must we must go we are late for our next appointment and I said well we should just make sure that all the kids are here and he goes yes of course we should yes and he turned around and went is everybody here I know the kids went yeah yeah well then we will move on vegetables what are you thinking Lee I think it's true true from John death I think GL you are a fantastic actor Mr Greg Davis so what are you going to say okay what do we think I think you'll find I'm B nominated we're all B nominated uh okay we'll go lie you going to say it's a lie Greg truth or lie it is the truth why did it take 300 years to give the giant torus a scientific name a scientific name yeah I the Latin name it turned out to be called geoc Colonia you know is it because I just thought that was pretty good giant toris we'll leave it with that yeah H so yeah no I was I I was going to say something about which now it's unusable I'm going to have to say it they thought better be good they thought it was a normal toris but it's but closer is what I was going to say you see I mean but I couldn't I couldn't get that concept said would it be actually further away and nor one further away would be actually a minute one would they mistake a quite far away normal one for a miniaturized one that's a bit the thing that you're saying is that [Music] the like it that way if there was like a tortoise over there that was giant but I some for some reason thought it was just there then I wouldn't think it was giant I think it was just there's just run there just a normal T there about oh my God it's over there and it's it would have to be on a huge beach with no other points of reference well yes exactly are they that's not the reason are they are they particularly litigious if you give me a name I will sue you no it wasn't that it's a nice thought again no they had another property which was most unfortunate for them to have well the tortoises did they were edible they were so edible anyone I mean anyone who saw one couldn't stop to think of a name for it they just had to eat it straight away those yeah I know what they called you know just get one really very good there's no Latin name for the pistachio now exactly the same way no one could be bothered just shut up with your Latin eat them now brilliant that's what happened no Latin name from M teasers none of it's kind of true none of them made it to London none of them made it to Europe now this time this time we're going to take it and leave it [Applause] however coming into DOA there's a leaving the door with a t his all right look nine of them we'll eat eight absolutely every come on the SE the days on end the SE become there's one toris left come on Sir come on we'll go back let's just go back and get some more imagine the moment after they've eaten that last C they're sitting there thinking we are [ __ ] even I'm I'm too full even Darwin on Darwin's lastri there were dozens there were doz collected every species in the world you ate that one they had them all they did done all done all the butterflies done all the the only the only descriptions of them are comparing them to chicken beef mutton and butter and saying they're how much better than they are than all of those things no one who' ever eaten toris had ever eaten anything better they said and a liver and the bone marrow every part of it was unbelievably Delicious from well from the Tropic there flights over there they are now protected all they're that delicious they can't be say yeah we protected them they're all in there no need to looks yeah they're fine there's a border around them like North Korea there a big part of shells like those piles of tires you see in the scrapyard once accidentally bought a horse sorry you bought a what a horse a horse sorry I missed the S um you claim that you once accidentally bought a horse am I right you're right right fine we're all clear under what circumstances what did you think you were buying um I never thought I was buying anything I thought I was renting did you think you were renting a horse yes right so you you paid to rent a horse and then at the end when you tried to return the horse they said what the hell are you doing I've been trying to get rid of psycho for years that's pretty much yeah how long had you imagine that you were going to rent it for uh we thought we were going to rent it for like 25 minutes and did they charge it H it was in Bulgaria on holiday okay so what did it cost in local Bulgarian currency what is the local Bulgarian currency it was we're going to it was 200 l l l i don't know how you pronounce it but Le 200 L how much is that in in Sterling roughly roughly at the time about at the time I think it was 90 so you thought it was a good deal £90 for 25 minutes for 25 minutes on a horse but you said we thought we were going to rent it for 25 minutes it was me and my friend so you holiday we're 18 before we go horse riding in Bulgaria in Bulgaria did you question the odd sort of time slots they were going for right I've never been Pony trekking but I imagine they sort of rent you the horse for perhaps a couple of hours or at least a solid half hour you get 25 minutes and then the horse needs a break for 5 minutes and then some you keep the horse forever well I never knew that what happened when you tried to take it back um the guy explained to that the guy was gone the guy the guy he was gone say the phrase on this game the guy explained to us that he gone never say that there was two different guys there was two guys come through me if you want to speak to my Cent Are We There was Guy a guy that's a vulgarian very well most famous Bulgarian name guy Demitri I think that no guy a and Guy B right right we thought we were going horse riding and we were heading towards the place where you actually hire the horse the official Stables I think he's making it up and I'm on his team put a patience Brian come on we met a guy on the way who had a horse and we thought he was doing that thing not an Asda when you've got a shopping trolley and you're taking it back and somebody else needs a trolley and you say so we thought the need to go all the way to the actual stable I'm from the stable so just hire this horse that's what the guy said yeah so we there was a bit of a communication breakdown there was a Bulgarian guy try to speak English and two Scottish guys trying to speak English so we thought the guy had give us the horse to ride and come back you not surprised that I mean I've never been on holiday to Bulgaria but I imagine that things would be a bit cheaper in Bulgaria than in Britain were you not surprised that it cost you the equivalent of 90 to hire a horse for 25 minutes there 25 minutes each so there was two of us so we chipped in for a horse for 25 minutes each but still even if you thought you're going to get 25 minutes each that's a lot isn't it oh it's an hour you need to give the horse a break as I said let's forget about the 25 minutes the that's absolutely obviously [ __ ] you take the horse back guy B who's the guy you met on the way to the Stables he's gone he's gone no sign of him no he's gone so you say to guy a well we hired this as part of your not bothering to actually go to the Stables but getting it a few hundred yards away SCH we hired this horse for 25 minutes at an extortionate rate nevertheless here it is and what did he say we went back to the place where we picked up the horse oh so not to the stable but to the random road couple hundred yards from the table so bewilderedly where has the mysterious man gone I would have thought that logically when you were returning having thought that it had come from the stable but you'd been lucky not to have to walk to the stable before hiring it you might nevertheless have thought well the stable's where it's got to go back to rather than well Sodom this is where we picked it up from I'm not actually making the stable I'm going to stand here 300 y away from the stable go come over here come and get your own horse at which point locals start waving go no you keep Kevin Kevin Kevin look at me look at me you're taking the horse back look at me what happened next come on Kevin come on so where are we taking off from you're taking the horse back let's go back to the start Kevin bridges for the love of God please tell us what happened right we bought a horse we thought we' rented the horse we done the horse riding took it back to the initial place we picked up the horse yes locals explained we' went to a counterfeit horse guy it wasn't the official horse riding stable this was a counterfeit horse this wasn't a genuine horse this was maybe two guys in a costume that would explain the 25 minutes yeah I can't only do 25 minutes they give away they give away was after 25 minutes the W went oh right let's crack on [Music] L so David's team what do you think truth or Li I mean the trouble with this game is it plays tricks with your mind but I don't think it's true if you don't really got to be has it it's got to got to be a lie got to be a line saying it's Li right so here we go this it really is the moment this is more than any other episode I've done of this show this is the moment we waiting Kevin Bridges is it true or is it a lie it's [Applause] true unbelievable okay John I choose a picture the carrot please okay you've chosen the carrot our next game is a Christmas bluffing game Sean who are you going to put forward who's the best at bluffing on your team not me you might be quite good at this game okay it's me then John who who do you think I think I think you might be quite good at this okay John and Sean come and join me by the carrot okay does this show still go out no no no no no you can't look in yet oh my God no Sean you don't want to ruin it oh sorry it's an incredible game okay John and sha this is a bluffing game John in front of you there is a red box Shan in front of you there is a gold box there's a carrot in one of these boxes I know it's exciting stuff the aim of the game is to end up with the carrot it's a game of bluff when do we do the conundrum stand still that's fine John you want a carrot Sean you want a carrot but there was only one carrot let's play it's incred shush it's a brilliant game shush stop ruining Christmas why are you ruining Christmas I'm not ruing Christmas this is ruining Christmas look at his little face he's excited playing you've got to ruin it for everyone yeah I can't wait to win this carrot okay let's play carrot in a box okay Sean you can look inside your box John you cannot look inside your box okay you want the carrot Sean no no no no don't don't put no hands in the Box you can look inside the Box have you looked have you seen yeah okay you now have to convince John to swap his box if you think he has the carrot or keep your box it's a game of bluff the winner is the one with a carrot oh I'm I I'll keep [Applause] this okay stupid G okay you have a choice do you want to swap or not I mean he seems confident there's a carrot in there he's seen the floor in this game sh he's plowing on what do you mean Jim's flowing on it's my job Sean bluffing does does he ever carry his box it's a real quandry for me Jim this he can choose them yeah he's allowed to swap if he wants to swap why can't I just keep my book no he can swap if you want I can refuse to swap it no you can't make somebody swap something they want to swap it have you never played car in the Box before you have you never seen the show I must have been I must have been a hold that we it was allowed out do you want to keep your box or swap your box I can keep this or I can have the box that's definitely got a carrot yes I want Sha's box okay we'll grab Sha's box sha let go of the box it's the nature of the game it's the nature of the game can I just say at this point if there's no carrot in that box you are a genius well let's let's swap boxes swap boxes am iow the boxes am I allowed to have my box back is there another round where I get to have the box with the carrot back I'm going to level with you fellas we've never played this game before we do not know how it ends okay so John you're now allowed to look in your box right and and I believe you can reveal point it the other way does it contain a carrot or not [ __ ] you are the Winer congratulations very good very good was caring the Box everyone I'm going to go and sit down now and think about what we've done [Music] good John talk me through how you're feeling cuz you look like an idiot out there it's one of the greatest hustles I've ever seen I lost the minute I believed Sean had never played that game before the lesson for me is that we can all play Charlie big potatoes you know when the game's involved but the game was to get the carrot and I've got the carrot what were you thinking out there I just thought John he's a bit thick he just believes anything you tell him so I just thought I'd tell him that there was a carrot in my box he believed it once again sha lock car in the Box rign champion of the world can I suggest ladies and gentlemen if you have boxes left over from Christmas and perhaps a carrot I mean have had it yourselves need a carrot and a box and an uncle is a treacherous piece of [ __ ] as a teenager I used to terrorize my neighborhood with a game I invented called theft and Shrubbery what were the rules of theft and Shrubbery can I first of all say my memories of this are a bit sketchy always handy for this game yeah no but I you know I'm an an older gentleman they're more like just you know just Fingerprints of an abandoned handrail just very existent even while you poetically describe the aging process another part of your brain is inventing the rules of a fiction it's strawberry it's a game that I played in my youth in my teens in um on the Lakes estate in Middlesboro I would probably be 14 or 15 um I hope that's all the information you need so do you have any sh I do as to what this game involved yes of course of course in which case I'm satisfied and there's no need to what were the rules um there would have to be a gang of you I would usually be with um stabber and bagger well I didn't realize you knew Hobbits as it Neil overall Jerry dung's son of course didn't take his father's name hated him hated him so and and and Gary Cheeseman would be there the reason he was called cheesy is because his mom used to give him a cheese you know the cheese slice yeah to take out with them when we're hanging around the shops and that cuz she want cuz she thought it was good for spots surely it's because of his surname Cheeseman [Applause] no that was part of it Gary Cheeseman was a big lad yeah a very big head sniper dream they used to [Laughter] call he's such a nice the thing is he's such a nice L and he was a I love these points in the show when we say Bob let let's all gather around the Fireside you can tell us Tales of your youth so the rules of the game of course you not the rules of the game theft and shubber shubber theft but relatively simple you had to creep into the back of someone's house and observe the family watching the Telly or whatever they're doing yeah it's getting a bit Sinister now but yeah I know is this at night this is on the evening time yeah so that the family is it were backlit by the domestic lighting beautiful yeah and then you'd find one where the curtains were open yeah go to the rear of the garden and then you'd slowly walk towards the window right try not to disturb them and you'd chant increasingly increasing the voice the uh volume as you went we do beg your pardon but we are in your garden and then you gradually get closer and closer to the window and as soon as you were seen that's when strawberry comes in which was what you were not allowed to escape via the front of the property you had to go across all the fences cuz you're teenage what you're really waiting for is someone to make a noise or give yourself away so that you all have to go run run through all the gardens that's the Shrubbery part that's the shrubber the part the theft is is we just always felt that we were stealing something from them their privacy their dig So you you're going up the garden saying louder and louder we do beg your pardon we are in your go do beg your pardon we shouting howly people who are hard of hearing you could be we do beg your pardon we are in your garden before they notic it yeah this game can't have lasted I'm imagining very long before people kind of rumbled you and no it was just one of the games you know that we did it we could be um theft and Shrubbery night there was another night where we used to take fruit from um a fruit vendor's wagon and throw that up in the air and just let it drop on our heads tells me you play that quite a lot B next time don't use melons Cheeseman was very good at it so what do you think David my concern is that the details are so utterly believable and sound like they're real that if it wasn't actually a game he spent an awful lot of time looking through people's windows I'm I'm coming down on the on the side of Truth yeah I know it sounds odd but I just believe it you going to say Tru yeah okay so theft and Shrubbery Bob truth or lie I was telling the truth they say of the AC Acropolis where where the param is they say the Acropolis where the is they say the Acropolis where the p is that they be to turns out they didn't say anything at all I see the they sa the Acropolis where the [Applause] everyone fight fight fight fight hell St this better be good moving on Jo trigli is a remnant of the stone uh S I just got a question what do they say theopolis where the pathon is they say they say what do they say what do they say he's going to say he's going to say he's going to's to he's going to what about [Applause] the can I write it down we it says it on you got to tell us now they sa the Acropolis for the but there are no straight lines y Dam that hurt do they yeah whatever Mor Robinson is going to read the task read on one at a time make a noise without the Taskmaster identifying you the person who makes the most unidentified noise noises wins what's going to happen is the Taskmaster will not be looking at you I will give you a type of noise you have to make you have to make the noise for at least 2 seconds Greg will guess who he thinks was making the noise there are three rounds the person who has identified the least wins okay revolve [Music] [Applause] me bit too far Greg again too far imagine him parking okay so the first noise you're going to make is bird song and the first person to the front is this person so they're now going to make their way to the front we need two seconds of noise and Greg will guess who made the noise here comes the [Music] noise Greg who was making that Beautiful Noise Morana the next person to come to the front is this [Music] person they're making their way to the front now here comes the [Music] [Applause] noise I think it was Alan they are now returning to their spot okay the next person to make a noise is this person here comes a [Music] noise I think it was Alan again oh God was it no I think I made a mistake first time I'm going to say Alan for that second one okay next person to the front is this person please here comes the noise Victoria and there is of course just one person left here comes the [Music] noise that's right that's end round one Greg I can tell you that you got one Allan correct and one desire correct it's time for round two and round two is of course two seconds of Beatboxing what is beat boxing you don't want to give away your hand too much I think what you're probably hoping is that you don't go first what I'm hoping is that you do the first person to beatbox is they are making their way to the front here comes a noise it's either someone who doesn't know what beatboxing is Victoria right or it's someone pretending they don't know what it is with that level of cunning I'm going to attribute to Morana the next person to demonstrate their beat boxing skills yeah here comes the noise that's [Applause] right okay there are three left to beat box the next person is this person person here comes the [Music] noise it's this person [Music] [Applause] [Music] now go and there is one left I think we on the stage know who it [Music] is making their way to the [Music] front and there was the noise Victoria and I can tell you Greg we got Allan Right just Alan and Des and GZ and Morana and Victoria I got everyone right [Music] okay for the very last round in the series the category is big scary monster the first person to make the noise of a big scary monster is that person here comes a noise oh oh indeed Victoria I just think Victoria thought he won't be expecting this of me big clumpy steps wrong the next person is this person here comes a [Applause] noise no disrespect Des right oh no I don't think it was I think it was actually Morana but my first answer was my first answer next up this person here comes the [Music] noise Alan Davis just two left Greg the penultimate person is this person they're at the front and here comes the [Music] [Applause] noise I don't know who the wow monster is I think that might have been [Music] Des okay you've guessed Des for a second time one left of course yeah here comes the final noise [Applause] oh I think that was more [Music] gner you may return to your spot and before we go any further I want to say the only one I care about getting right was Victoria okay the only one you got right oh what was Victoria you may now turn and face your contestants again oh my God I think I just thought everyone was de I know what you think of me now possession right there should be a box under your desk um would you first of all read the card out and then take the possession out and pop it on the desk this is the set of keys I carry around with me every day I know what every single one is full apart from one okay the box back on the floor just take us through the the set of keys Lee in your own time please don't feel you have to rush not say in his own time it's it's all of our time really is it but okay Carry On so now I've got three keys that look very similar so I have to put those little things on to to to give you the different colors and these colors help me a lot because that's for the blue door that's for the Green Door that's for the yellow door yes now I'll never forget because the blue door is blue the yellow door is yellow and the green one is my next door neighbor shaking Stevens yeah and what lies behind those doors so that's my front door key genuinely is a blue door my front door okay the green one genely is my next door neighbor's key but it isn't shaking Stevens I'm not an idiot it's Howard Jones and the yellow one the yellow one is um the key for the door at the back of the house now this this one that's that's the the the key for the front door that the the bottom lock what you call that VA Vault yes I wish I [Laughter] could this this this unusual looking key that's for the money chest that's for a small tin that we keep some some money in right and and some things that we don't want the kids to see why don't you want the kids to see money and what else you want I don't mind see the money it's the other things I want to see the remains so okay that's where you keep your money and the remains of uh those who you've killed yes then you've got pbu that's that one there what does pbu stand for uh pbu on the key ring yes it's the place for bins you and a little um just like that yeah what happen he couldn't have made that up it's true we've got one of those outside little shed things you're supposed to put the bins in to make it look tired and my wife constantly comes out and says there's a place for the bins you and so help me remember that's the key I put pbu on the thing so you give yourself the job of remembering the night before the bin men are coming to go out unlock these bins every time you go to put some rubbish away you unlock the beIN no this is done this because the shed that the bins are kept in doesn't have the lock the gate leads to the shed the bin in these bins my wife Bally thinks more of the bins than me uh then we've got we've got this little baby here this tells a story this one is for the safe but the safe bizarrely it was already in the house and it's behind the picture how exciting the key has never fitted we never know what's in the safe now what is the picture in front of the safe uh the picture in front of the safe yeah oh that picture you know you know the safe that doesn't exist there's a picture that doesn't exist in front of it it's it's obviously a painting of your beans is the bit this is the bit beans that must never be taken from the house this is the bit you're going to find crazy it's a picture of the safe no it's crazy it's absolutely crazy and this David is the key to your heart it's not that is to the side passage it's quite annoying it's quite annoying to get through the side passage because I have to open the Gated Community to the bins and that takes me through to the side passage which I open that's all the keys apart from this one do you know what that one's for Fiona nobody knows and how did you get that key that key give it and this is the bit that's not funny and I don't want any jokes my great-grandfather fought in the first world war and uh he had a key around his neck and we don't know what the key was for but it was passed on he gave it to his father his father gave it to his father he gave it to his father he passed it on backwards in all I will say is just in summary I'm not pitching it to you because it is true but if you don't believe it quite simply the story is simple what is there not to believe I come home I make sure the side gated community to the bins are unlocked so I can get the bins out them on a Tuesday I let the open the side passage get in not the side passage come through to the house open the safe by moving the pitch but I can't open the safe I always toet close the safe I get the tin open it up move the eyeballs get the money out close the open the thing back inside straight to the front door which is blue go out Fe how Jones's cat name story Why accidentally said we shaking Stevens what parts of that are you telling [Music] me so what are you going to say David what does your team think I think we're going to say it's a lie saying it's a lie Lee was it the truth or was it a lie it was a [Applause] lie Gerard Nal no one J Nal was a fascinating man very much enjoy and he also had a pet Lobster J used to take for walks on a lead click stay with it stay withay with [Music] it play no I never thought I'd see the day when Bill Bailey forc fed J nerville's Lobster with Jerusalem Ary chokes the day came anyway let's just return to this other poet who was the lover of the young verin oh sorry verin hello hello hello hello you hello oh yeah hello hello hello oh right do do you do we do we strike you should I take the task from this da or would you like to yes I suppose so yeah I I'll take the task thank you and we can so do this right and perform a song about this woman best song wins you have five minutes to talk to the woman and then 30 minutes to write her a song the time starts now so we need to gather as much information as we can hi so what's your name rosin where are you from originally southp what do you do for a living yeah I'm Japanese translator do you have children yes got two sons two are they good men yes they're a bit inept at things but that's fine what do you do to pass your time I'm an Athletics official track judge and I do long jump and the Sprints long jump who's your favorite band of all time music might lead us to some music like Moz Mozart Mozart one of my favorite bands well have you stolen much in your life yeah well when I was about 10 I used to do a little bit of sort of sweetie shoplifting with my best friend elain I also Play The Cello great do you play the cello with anyone or on your yes string quartet yeah my my husband and a couple of friends and what's the name of your um my husband is called Alan and did you ever do it in public or is it just yeah it's not normally when people are sitting in Rose watching it's just the sound do you eat meat Ros um as long as it's kosher which what's your favorite meat chicken ice chickens what's your favorite film oh hangover hangover one and two oh favorite food oh beans on toast yeah quite right can I ask are the other two in the string quartet are they a couple as well they used to be and then one got um septicemia so he lost the use of three fingers in his left hand would you like to be able to fly no Bob's first four questions do we strike you have you ever stolen what is your favorite meat would you like to be able to fly thankfully he had teammates to take up the slack you want to see uh Mark and Nish first yes I do please okay so this for the first time ever is Mark and nish's song for a stranger hello Great Britain hello how are you all feeling out there we're all fine thank you well now's the time that you've all been waiting for the band good good evening London uh we are the uh the diverse Stripes I am Jack Brown and this is my wife sister mark this is called I'm always seeing you open brackets do cool stuff close bracket clet all right and one two 3 4 oh yeah I saw you translate a poem from Japanese it looks so tricky but you did it with these I saw you judging lung jump at the Athletics I felt so low cuz it's SP I'm just pathetic I'm always seeing you do cool stuff I try my best but it's never good enough I saw you watch The Hangover DVD but I was busy with the hangover over part three I saw you listening to the mo Symphony but my attention span is high look at that tree 2 three four I'm always seeing you do cool stuff I try my best but it's never good [Music] enough I want to serve your beans on toast but it's a fantasy it's nothing but a b you come from South for I miles away in bam and I'm a and I feel rather violent I'm always seeing you dool stff I try my best but it's never good enough good enough one more time I'm always seen you do cool stuff I try my best but it's never good [Applause] enough something in my eye I mean unbelievable who would have thought Mark Watson was a drummer I think you may have just shaken off the whole Heron thing I had no idea no idea n could sing or play guitar that was a miracle I think and all that time she just sat there absolutely no expression on her face I this is the first time in an entire Series where I've got nothing negative to say congratulations on your brilliant song I'm afraid the end is NI see you soon for the final part of the show when we find out who has won both episode and series [Applause] hello and welcome back to the final part of the Grand Final we've ride this wave now till the end of the credits over to you Alex please bring us up to speed I will uh they are writing songs for a stranger a multifaceted stranger called Rosland we've heard Mark and nish's affectionate tune now we're going to hear ashing Bob Sally uh this is their song Hello lady welcome to tusur Festival they've got soul you know them as the PC here they are hello tberry hello oh welcome nice to see you all um wow what a rush we are products conception and we're delighted to bring you here today our debut track which is called quite good considering quite good considering let's have the music r r rosin's a [Applause] nightmare Rosalind is from South rosin still sweet Ros was a news agent but you won't eat me unless it's chick has two sons they are good men but is a th but it keeps her out of [Music] D gerric she just for a woman of her age Ro an average she plays quite well but not in front of people married Alan from her string P fing with her friends you know that is how they met the great Al beam but the viol sadly well he contracted [Music] SE [ __ ] [Music] night for a woman of her age [Music] she plays well but not in front of people not in front of people thank you that's for [Applause] you very different very different takes on the same one that is one of the bravest lines in rock Rosalind is a [ __ ] night for three weeks I was listed as a missing person by Interpol wow when did this happen in the mid90s where were you had you had you actually disappeared like I was in Morocco what were you doing there I was on a bike ride in Spain you were on you were on a bike ride in Spain in Morocco I have a moment to chat with my client what happened was I met someone in Spain on the train a morocc was was this bike ride in Spain happening on the train was it it was one cuz I know that you get those Spanish Spanish bike rides on trains in Morocco probably one of those no it was there was bad weather and that's why I took the train from the north of Spain to the south of Spain because apparently according to the local newspaper there was better more agreeable bicycling weather how did you then get how did you then get into Morocco though that is because I met that Moroccan bloke on the train and which Moroccan bloke yeah does he have a name uh I I can't quite remember but it was Muhammad or [Applause] something Muhammad the Moroccan you met on on the train in Spain he asked me if I wanted to join him to go to Morocco and then I thought well I've never been outside Europe in for Penny in for pound so uh so so you were picked up by a strange Moroccan on a on a train and agreed to go back to Morocco with him what's the worst that can happen H how did you find out that you were on the interpo list I realized only once I rang my parents once I was back in Spain and I rang my parents and for them it was like someone found them from Beyond the Grave so so why didn't you ring your parents from Morocco because that man that Mohammad remember Mohamed don't you yeah yeah he was the man on the trade the Moroccan on the tra Mor on the tra who invited him back to his house so then when I was staying with Mustafa and his family from what uh Port did you leave Spain and into which Port did you enter question question well we left Spain if I remember correctly from alasas and went over to sua which is one of the two Spanish enclaves in the north of Morocco good answer I think you've just clutched victory from the jaws of defeat how was it then resolved how did you end up getting off of the list well hang on a minute we're jumping ahead you what the he's allowed to do that isn't he what what were you doing I was traveling uh with with no uh M my client is getting mixed up cuz at passport control they said you must have a passport and he's getting a bit mixed up with the name I'm curious as to the fact that Interpol has a missing person's list yeah no what happened is my uh parents uh got involved and they got Interpol involved right I sent a few postcards one of them to my friend Mark and on that postcard I wrote I've joined a Foreign Legion probably see you never again have a good life or something and then Mark being a quite clever boy so okay with this pocard I can have a lot of fun I go around Henning's parents and say them something along the lines of oh uh you might be interested in this sorry so your friend Mark yes used this postcard to mentally torture your parents I'll make his parents think he's disappeared forever for a laugh where's German sense of [Applause] humor and what do we know about this uh about this Moroccan chap we're calling Muhammad he hadn't been home for many many years and so we couldn't take the boat straight to Morocco where to go to one of the Spanish enclaves because he had to collect a suitcase full of books from a cafe in why why did he have a suitcase full of books because someone left them there for him but why books in a suitcase well that is it was back in the mid99s people were still reading yeah so he went to a cafe in the Spanish Enclave of Morocco to collect a suitcase which he told you was full of books well I suppose a friend of his left them there yes but why I me you know what it sometimes is like isn't it like uh well I can't quite think of an examp but if he could it would be like that yeah um this Interpol whole list that you were on can you just elaborate on how your parents got you onto it well they rang the consulate and they rang which consulate the German one which which German consulate well the one in Morocco they they they didn't ring the police they rang the German consulate in Morocco well that's how you would go about it wouldn't you it's not good bringing your local Bobby and what happens then with the list do you just they have to tell interpo stop looking for Henning we found suppose so yeah well did they for all they're still looking for you now I'm safe so what do you think David does that does any of that have the ring of Truth or has he made all that up what do you think KY I think it's so odd and inconsistent and unlikely that it must be true yeah that's what I'm leaning towards well yeah yeah I I think I think that as well I think it's true Henny was that the truth or were you telling a lie well this story is true name it's probably the same route as guring my Prep School tailor were called Goring funly enough really we get our uniforms made yeah Tor a tayor for like a suit you wear in you're five there was you born in the 1850s you have I shall measure up young sir shorts and particular Outfitter it was the school outfit which was a tailoring shop out school outfit called G just young sir dress on ready to worry about you should know that it's written on the toilet [Music] wall Lord would you would sir like to wear a cette on the cross country R you're all such beasts words here's a sort of Team [Music] task was a bit worrying oh look look please whisper this task to Alex through the cans please Lolly oh put as many different things in the bathtub as possible most different things in the bathtub wi thank you lolly Joe could you read your task please the top of this bathtub with cling field most successfully cling fied bathtub went no can you read your one please in the bath winds you have 3 minutes your time starts when Alex blows his whistle thank you no what I like about that is that much like my good self uh Hugh was not at all baffled by the cans because when we were children they were actual toys I'm not sure everybody fully understands the task no I do though I understand the task is whoever accomplishes the tasks best it's a team task whichever team does the best gets the points oh so that's straightforward is it that's straightforward do you want to see how the most loved double act in TV got on Mel and Hugh here we go what are you doing oh no really what oh no she no no you what's going on I going to put as many things in the bathtub as possible I've got to cover you got to cover it between oh my God I'm going to have to LEAP in a little space he's getting all all hang on that's good this is so hard this is really hard you do that have we got to cover it or we don't get anything we've got to cover the surface with cling film with cling film you go over there you roll it m okay okay keep rolling keep rolling so you don't move the end of it yeah whole here Sho there you go well his feet are cold quick quick quick Qui quick Qui Qui this [Music] looking good looking very strong that's not bad come on [Music] [Applause] here you can filming Alex's feet is again far cuter than peas in a pod what I thought was delighted about the whole thing is no one told you this was a team task but you just worked together you worked out very quickly you both had different tasks to do Hugh so Shel us I'm going to start cling filming as well I have nothing negative to say about that a that was just two people helping each other and I don't understand why just thinking everything would be a little bit better see I refuse to accept that slightly younger generation can't do exactly the same that they can't work together here we go everyone ready um are we all working together [Music] [Music] together no idea what we're crack here no I don't like you I can't get it I think I got the easiest part of this T how's it going now all right yeah I think so not sure if I read my task properly you did [ __ ] CL [Music] f 40 seconds left Lolly you step away from the B please thanks guys great teamwork we should have told each other our Tas I me what have you got to say to yourselves I mean at least nol there was a slight nod from nol at the beginning is this a team task he asked and then he just stood there ping water into a bath while Rome burned I am currently seeing a hypnotist to cure me of my compulsion to visit hypnotists [Applause] well I don't think this is going to take too long how long have you been had a compulsion to see hypnotists well it started off I had a fear of heights and I visited a lot of different practitioners it is a serious enough thing I mean it is it's unusual to be this high and yeah I tried hypnosis and then I seem to be getting something temporary from it so then I ended up visiting a lot more hypnotists what were you getting temporary from it I I was getting some relief from it for a while from your from your fear of heights yeah so you're now relieved of that at this point why would you go back oh because then the relief is temporary so I I ended up going back and then I ended up getting uh really uh addicted to visiting DP different what they do normally they just put me under for a minute under water they they make me it's serious they make me lie lie on the ground so they make me lie on the ground how's that going to cure your fear of fire is that just Sur they should make your lie on top of the cupb well I am knocked out during this and then when I uh when I wake up they put me on top of something right so how many different hypnotists have you seen I don't know it's into the hundreds at this point hundred of hypnotist it was costing most of my income was going onest I mean I would do whatever money I could get was just going straight into hyp how long have you been seeing the the one you've been seeing now for to get to get you off being seeing a hypnotist well this one about two years now I mean so the man you've been seeing for the last two years has been specifically to for for the problem that you want to stop seeing hypnotists not not for the hyp thing anymore just I'm addicted to hypnotist I need to stop that's what you seeing him for and you've been seeing him for 2 years we are nearly at we're nearly Out of the Woods [Applause] do they ever touch you in any way generally the sort of severe vertigal hypnosis I get doesn't involve physical contact but it does involve being winched up winched up well winched up to get to get the height so then when you come around you're you're out of height and you think is normal when you when you when he puts you under well this is going back when I had the serious problem but well let's go back to that problem they interest me the winching up so he they they they put you out and then you're gone do you remember being did you wake up and G no you're gone you put on a sort of velcro suit at the starts and [Music] then are you aware of what they're saying no it's like you're I'm gone and then it's come down from up there on top of the uh top of the coverage so they winch you up and then winch you down onto the cupboard no I can get down because I've been hypnotized so but you've been winched up to go on top of the cupboard why I'm under yeah so he winches you up and slightly nudges slightly nudges you over the cupboard and winches you down again why why does he have to put you on the cupboard why does he just winch you up and keep you winched what's the advantage of being on the cupboard over being winched up have you got a fear of being up high on cupboards what's the name of the hypnotist you're saying Dr spank never before ever before as a man you're doing really well I don't think I've you know when you you know when you start a sentence and you don't know how it's going to end it's never happened before with just two words doctor and spank [Applause] German German yeah German it's very [Applause] [Music] emotional what do you think Le it's a tricky one well it's a I'm going with you on this one what do you even if I believed everything else I've never met anybody German called Banks It's s e e on Blow g h n KS you just ruined it is that what ruined it CU there is never an umlout on an e there's never a man being velcroed and wied up on a cover that's the B you want to be focusing on I think not the spelling of his surname right so please say it's a lie then you're saying it's a lie David odoy was that fantastic Tale the truth or was it a lie incredible As It Seems that is a [Music] lifee are the beer goggles what is the Latin term beer goggles yeah what are they when you got the beer goggles on it's when you really fancy someone who normally you wouldn't fancy oh so you would refer to someone as a seven Pinter yeah Steven doesn't have beer goggles he has madira PNE oh you're a cracker Morad a [Applause] small a Sher [Applause] mon you got the Sher mon in I once invented a language so I could speak to my sister in secret I even gave this language its own name what's the name of the language it is not a word that you will have heard of and the word is cushin Cushing what like cushen but kushin yeah and can you say something in kushin yes could you say something is that is that what yes is in cushin I didn't claim that the Lang which was sophisticated I would say you're arbitrarily adding a sort of sh sound so do a sentence okay uh Ash am it's obviously been a long time since I L iner of what I your you sound like the chef on blessing Street if it's so simple what did I say then you said you said I am loving the experience of what I no I didn't I said I'm largely enjoying the experience of what I lie to you so it looks like it's not a [Applause] sh so where did the name for this language cushin come from I I honestly can't remember but it was called uh cushin and I can tell you uh part of the language and I'm afraid I can't explain this to you would be sometimes mids sentence sometimes at the end of a sentence just to loudly Proclaim Kush kushin is talking with random sh if you can squeeze them in and occasionally going Kush in in the middle or at the end of a sentence you know my my parents my parents didn't they didn't work out cushion as simplistic as you clearly think it is they didn't work it out so they didn't work it out when you said I iunch go sh they went what on Earth did he say hang on David he push so David he's being quite for some a lot of detail but is it the truth or is it a lie what do you think well I believed him I to the point went Kush and then I and then I he's enjoying Kush tojoy although he could be enjoying it with the fact that his sister is watching their secret language being outed she won't she won't dislike it she'll be as I don't I don't and that that my friends so far is the biggest cushion of them all um it's not inconceivable but it is unlikely what what do you think truth or lie lie lie let's do it lie you're saying it's a lie okay Greg truth or lie a was tellish the trus [Applause] [Music] oh I've come up with a brand new format SL game it's called Greg and Alex here we go I've got these I don't think anyone else has done this before so there'll be some questions you hold up whether it's me or you what you think the answer to we'll see how similar we think about things okay yeah you like the idea yes I do just contractually feel obliged to tell the audience that Alex plans these sections and I don't know what he's going to do so when it's [ __ ] you know who to blame got to be an if right um so it's like that for Greg like that for Alex y you'll hear the questions then we do it and it be be great fun here we go welcome to Alex and Greg welcome to Alex and Greg question one who is the best at cooking oh we both think it's you who is the best dancer say that again say say it again Alex who is the best dancer oh what we like who is the best at tidying up who has the most trouble sleeping at night because of all the difficult thoughts racing through their head I don't mind this I don't mind who struggles the most with the overwhelming burden of being a human who bought the other one a present I got you a present CU of because of your troubled brain so I got you a little little uh thank you little necklace with two feathers on thanks you're so weird you're such a weird end of the game end of the game you'll treasure that W you you're so genuinely such an oddball yeah they think this is scripted and there's going to be a big punch line that's the end of the section it's so weird he's bought me a necklace with two feathers on it I thought it's your sort of thing

Channel: Alle Valt

Views: 433,474

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Id: FPHEMyg5794

Length: 78min 26sec (4706 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 30 2023