Greg Davies' School Stories | Greg Davies on Would I Lie to You? | Would I Lie to You?

I was once dragged into the headmaster's office after I was caught leaning out of a window and firing a Cream Egg into my friend's mouth with a catapult was this when you were a teacher or a pupil I'm ashamed to say it was when I was a teacher so can you describe the setup I I was teaching in a drama Studio on the ground floor and I could see my friend who's teaching economics on the second floor at the end of the building so it's a cross is there like a courtyard in between yeah a playground playground and he went to different schools the most not right goody goody the bells go let's go to the courtyard you're firing over the croquet lawn I I'd confiscated a catapult that morning from a child okay I was in my drama Studio there's an office I closed the door and let the children do whatever they used to do in my lessons and I I hung out of the window I saw my friend Gavin yeah and I went it was the height of Summer right so Gavin is in the middle of an economics lesson and he goes oh there's my friend gosh he's holding an unwrapped Cream Egg and he goes awesome it wasn't quite that instinctive I I sh I waved the Catapult at him and he was baffled at first and then I could I I could see him distracting his children by setting them some mundane tasks then I revealed the unpeeled egg which by now by the way hashtag height of Summer they melt very fast here's the thing Claudia I genuinely had a mini fridge in my office because I did because I regularly have used the drama budget I'm sorry but I was very bored French and just to add color I'll tell you this I bought a top of the range DVD player and I swapped it for one that my grandmother had given me swallow separate story can we just say can we say that we believe that story I've got a technical question about a window yeah good because in schools Windows only open to a very small certain point so the kids can't jump around the second floor wow how rough was the old school jumped out yeah yeah just get to jumped out and drown in the Moke so basically you've got it that window will only open to a certain point right the window did only open half so gav had to get on his knees and position his head his head virtually filled the amount of window that was opening it was a slide up uh window where was the Headmaster at this point walking through playground Courtyard he was he was in his office I'm I've been pretending to do work here is the thing yeah that will convince you one way or the other straight away I mean it was I would say it was 25 foot and Gavin did catch it in his mouth [Applause] you you are gonna feel so stupid if that's a lie what do you think David's team does it ring true for you I do believe the lie is being packaged with real stuff so confiscation of the the mini fridge is true yeah the confiscation yeah everything around the LIE is true but the LIE is still alive okay let's go let's go we'll go live saying it's a lie Greg was it the truth or was it a lie there were elements of truth but yes damn you that's alive [Music] I once caused an injury to one man whilst trying to get a different man to say the word vegetables right just the word vegetables yeah do you really like the word vegetables um not as a general rule no but I liked it when this man said it why what was about this man the way he said vegetables that was funny did he have a speech impediment no no he didn't he was a very intense man though and he was also Austrian I was with a friend once and he's he was a colleague of ours sorry and I overheard him say vegetables and we both found it incredibly funny um so can you just roughly give us an impression of how he used to say he said it exactly like this oh vegetables and then we happened to be on a coach trip with him and so we spent the whole coach trip trying to get him to say vegetables where were you where were you going I was on a school trip I used to be a teacher so he was a he was a teacher yeah he was a teacher he was the head of languages of languages yeah the head of land you just got the vegetables vegetables imagine imagine I'm the man okay I'm on the coach I'm sat we're driving here you go um so I said so um yeah you're very big aren't you doesn't like him at all you're very big aren't you all right [Applause] so I was saying things like oh I've been trying to um keep fit lately and I know that you're into keep fit you know would you recommend for a healthy diet and he was going well you know I would uh you must eat a balanced diet you must eat greens and uh you you must enjoy some protein and limited I was going yeah yeah but I mean if you were to group some of those Foods together and he was going well I mean yeah you must have carbohydrates of course you must have and it was it was horrific it went on for about an hour and every time I tried to find a new angle for vegetables this is ludicrous Austrian interpretation of things let us down in a dark alley it was literally an hour in the making how did you find the game to say it um I I honestly can't remember it came out of nowhere and he suddenly said it and he said it was such passion it was he went oh and of course you must have wanted to bodies I I started biting my hand to stop myself from laughing am I and my friend who was next to me there was a there's a jagged piece of metal at the front of the coach and because it was so funny just to remind you I didn't even imagine and my friend saw the piece of metal and pushed his knee into it on purpose to stop himself from laughing and blood started like spraying at me started spraying out of his knee yeah I'll tell you another detail we went and did the trip which was in Paris and then after we came all the way back all the way back to to um Calais and I said to him um you know we put all the kids passports in that hotel in Paris last night did you um did you remember to because he was in charge of the trip did you remember to bring those and he he was standing up in front of the children the coach and he went oh [Laughter] [Applause] and we had to speak to the poor authorities and get permission to take the kids on without passports where he went back on his own can I tell you one more detail as well we were also standing in the middle of Paris under the Eiffel Tower we've been there for an hour and the kids were all running around and he came over we must we must go we had loads for our next appointments and I said we should just make sure that all the kids are here and he goes yes of course we should yes and he turned around and went is everybody here and all the kids went yeah yeah foreign [Applause] yes that was all true at school I invented a game called snorkel Parker music practice room what's the game called again um it was called snorkel Parker music practice room right and can you describe the game to us myself and um several friends uh we all had snorkel Parkers what what is a store called Parker for some for some of the younger viewers it's um it's a large uh hooded coat with a fur lined oh the one that comes out at the front yes and you can you can zip it up so it comes right up and uh so that only your eyes are visible can you describe the rules imagine we've never met I've got Miss NorCal Parker what would happen next well then you and I Lee will go to the music practice room when I'm not falling for this again and you zip up your snorkel Parker and then you when someone's practicing their violin with a violin teacher in the music practice room yeah you duck down below the window and then you just come up with your snorkel Parker so just imagine you're a historical reenactment Society you've got your members there I spoke I suppose how would you I'd have to fully demonstrate it by using my um making announcement feel free to ask Richard and David to help you out on this will you help me out with this um well I mean I I see this is one of the moments where all right I'm gonna do it yeah all right [Applause] so so if you imagine that this was the music practice room and and there was some someone in there having a lunchtime a lunchtime violin lesson yeah you would wait until they were in mid-tutorial and right I'm picturing it yeah and then together yeah after three okay one two three [Applause] all right [Music] that's it really was the secrets again the fact that they never knew who you were because they wouldn't know you were because it's on your eyes showing and you tell you to go away so you would all duck down away and then you'd leave it for a minute and then come back and you'd just come back up again yeah what age were you let me tell you what are the teachers no maybe 13 14 right the way through to when you're left right through till sixth form yeah you never got told to stop this or you got it yeah would they would they would bang on the window and be really furious with us they did say Lads it's getting really boring but you see no you are Greg because you're eight foot six but just out of Interest by show of hands who would like to play snorkel Parker music practice room it sounds ridiculous I mean the last time doesn't sound utterly ridiculous it's almost as if you're lying do you think he is lying Lee what are you going to say on this one well I actually believe him I could just see you doing that for kicks and Giggles Bob which way are you leaning with this well it's got the anticipation it's got the Jeopardy it's got the lot what a game if this gets picked up this is just because I've talked about it now it's mine right I said it yours if you really played it if it's a lie then if you haven't copyrighted if it is a line I've just read it off this thing whose idea is it I personally but I'd like to I'd like to maintain the rights to balaclava Sports Hall it's time to take a guess what are you going to say we're going for truth you're saying is true okay uh Greg were you telling the truth right because that would make me utterly pathetic wouldn't it yes I was telling the truth okay [Applause] yes it's true uh Greg did invent a game called snorkel Parker music practice room at school Greg was very popular with the other pupils not surprising really considering they'd created him in a science lesson for my first term at University I rented the bathroom in a student house and slept in the bathtub every night wait Greg yes before we even start this can you stand up [Applause] yeah there'll be no unless David stands up with me there'll be no perspective David in fact let's have proper perspective Connie can you stand up you know the question yeah what's the answer well I just hung off the end of the bath as I'd hang off every single bed that I've ever slept in no no no no no no no no no no you definitely don't hang off a bat yeah hang off a bed go like that and then you hang off yeah you have to go up and cross and hang off but you're not a snake what actually drove me to change my circumstances was I was genuinely I was bruising the side of my uh cheek regularly by waking up in the morning and clanging into one of the Taps can I ask why on Earth you would sleep with your head at the top end that is mad yes well you know I was 18 years of age and I mainly lived off uh Thunderbird wine so your feelings were my forte at that period did you have a bed no the house did you do oh oh so that was the reason there was a there was um [Applause] I chose to Phil yeah how many other people were there in the flat uh three three people three beds yeah why would you not sleep on the floor next to the bath we had a giant uh 1970s sofa that had a particularly A peculiar corner unit and I took um both cushions from that corner unit and they fitted in the bath perfectly and it was incredibly comfortable so hang on it wasn't a freestanding bath a roll top yeah was it a roll top freestanding yeah it wasn't it wasn't a freestanding bath but the but the end of the bath projected out into the room where was this Greg which town were you was this Oxford or Cambridge it was in eyes are worth in West London a mix-up in housing agreement we soon sorted out after a term I only had to do it for a turn what was the mix-up I'd agreed to move in with these three guys and we got the wrong size house the boys blamed me which is why I got the bath why did it blame you because I was the one who booked the house how did you get into University [Applause] [Music] so Lee what are you thinking Marcus I think it's too Preposterous to be true Taps for me you don't if you're gonna sleep in a bath you don't put your head at the test I think it might be true but I'm not gonna oh you gotta skip you've got the arm bad sir I might be the armbands if you're a captain if you can't swim I'm telling you I don't know this is in the spirit of this game this is true that was sufficiently moving I'm going with it I'm saying it's true now what are you saying Skippy should we say true true [Applause] come on you're saying it's true Greg Davis were you telling us the truth or were you telling a lie do you feel David any sense of genuine competition in this game yes I do yeah then I think you're going to like me very much it was a lie [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Greg didn't sleep in his bathtub every night for his first term at University I used to try and scare school friends by planting a particular drawing in their pockets signifying death what do you think well it's a drawing it was an owl yeah I've got a pen I've got some paper I'll come over there no I'll I'll come to you don't stand up next to me just highlight it can you so please draw the owl of death so look at it David you'll die [Applause] oh please put it away just imagine you're innocently you went in your pocket and it's imagine your own business oh what's this in mind your friends would find that in their pocket and be not my friends my deadly enemies what would be the purpose of that it was so for people who had crossed my friend and I well what kind of things would they have to do to cross you there was an English teacher who we uh found a bit boring so he uh slipped one in his pocket that was that that was the highlight of the whole campaign actually was that the English teacher once stood up in front of the class and was chatting away and went into his pocket and went ah sorry everyone um has anyone know anything about this because I've just did you it was the purpose of it to scur them like you would tell them later on it was you no no of course not we were both nerdy cowards did you you created a sort of Mythology around what might happen if you found the Hotel of death in your pocket in our minds anyone who found the hotel of death in their pocket would uh very shortly afterwards meet their demise [Music] you take a guess what are you going to say do you think do you think that's possible I think it's possible but I think it's it's alive I think it's a lie okay I say lie you say lie what about you Lee I say lie right Greg yeah truth or lie well it would be pretty tragic if two uh boys had spent their youth doing that wouldn't it true and it is indeed true [Applause] yes it's true Greg did try and scare school friends by planting a particular drawing in their pockets signifying death

Channel: Would I Lie To You?

Views: 733,803

Keywords: #wilty, british comedy, british panel show, david mitchell, david mitchell wilty, lee mack, lee mack wilty, wilty, wilty nope, would i lie to you, would i lie to you bbc, would i lie to you full episode, would i lie to you nope, greg davies, greg davies school stories, greg davies school trip story, greg davies school stories compilation, greg davies would i lie to you, greg davies wilty, greg davies school wilty, greg davies school stories would i lie to you, greg, davies

Id: Mf2ElT_A0kw

Length: 21min 11sec (1271 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 04 2023