I let an AI rewrite my LinkedIn profile (and forced spammers to read it)

hey this is doug doug where we solve business problems that no one has today i'm gonna let an artificial intelligence program rewrite my entire linkedin profile i'm gonna have them go through every job that i've had and let the ai write an entirely new job description for me and you might be wondering why why do this doug well let me tell you a story eight years ago when i got my first real programming job i started to get lots of spam emails from recruiters based on my linkedin and my email which is normal for the tech industry but i especially got emailed by this one company who would email me far more than anyone else and you know i would like politely tell them i'm not interested in this job but they would keep emailing me sometimes about the job that i just told them that i don't want and after it got to the point of 15 emails a year from this one company i finally replied to the main recruiter and said please take me off your contact list she did not reply not only did she not reply she and her co-workers continued to email me every few months despite the fact that i had very clearly quit the programming industry after five more years of this i once again asked her to please stop emailing me and made it very clear that i am not her target audience and i am not suitable for whatever company they're trying to hire me for she did not reply it is now 2021 and i still get emails from these same recruiters every few months this is why i'm letting an ai rewrite my linkedin because if they're gonna try to recruit me for eight straight years then i'm gonna make myself the least recruitable person on the planet we're gonna start this off by rewriting my job at the esports team tempo storm where i helped run a professional studio and produced various media pieces and esports tournaments but the ai can do better than that so i have this description here served as the executive producer for the esports company temple storm so what if i literally just use this first sentence to start off here's the prompt and we'll let it complete served as the executive producer for the esports company temple storm co-founder talent manager and stream producer at tsm xdg that's not true xmithie sits down with kyle to talk about where he got his start in gaming and the biggest inspirations that shaped him this is about league of legends in the interview he also discusses his current job so now we would take this pop that in here and we save it and then maybe the company stops emailing me about a programming job this one doesn't feel very potent though okay what should the first sentence be i want the start of the prompt to be accurate i mean just be like lead a huge team let's see what happens let a huge team a huge high-powered intimidating team the likes of which you can't even imagine our current vice president is this guy when he came to do a breakout session on leadership i remember sitting there thinking holy crap this is it this is the guy i want to follow for the next few years these were the values i had as a staff member these are the leadership lessons i would tell my current team i was even envious of the ease with which he commanded respect big guy no this one's good this one's real good tempo store this was my last job before becoming a huge youtuber this is also my first paying job this is when things started to look up when one company hires you they might not need you for another month or so when you work a lot they may not need you for a few weeks my experience was like that up late every night recording content for the next video i would work from 9am to 7pm with my last shift ending at 7pm okay this is number three i may have left my job but if i had stayed i would have been amazing and here's why you've read my previous blogs you know how little i like to travel and yet i have traveled the world i traveled for work fact i traveled every week for about six years it was how i supported myself and i loved it i didn't have to live in a hotel and i got to eat at restaurants with lovely people my best friend and i lived in paris for almost a year oh take a week off work rent a car we would just drive across france and be tourists in paris we saw the eiffel okay so we've got three options the options are led a huge team a huge high-powered intimidating team option two this was my last job before becoming a huge youtuber this is also my first paying job this one's good because this would directly contradict probably all the previous descriptions number three i may have left my job but if i had stayed i would have been amazing and here's why i do like this one because my job description is about me taking a week off work and just driving across france like that is not what you talk about when you're describing the work you did all right one two or three these are the options that are going to describe my previous job man it's looking like number one's gonna take it number one is more just kind of a confidence play right somebody's gonna read this and just be like whoa whoa huge team congratulations this one wins this is my new description for my previous job this is [ __ ] nonsense the first sentence is just like [ __ ] you recruiter this is so aggressive next up is my teaching job at uc berkeley i was a student instructor for one of berkeley's introductory programming classes why don't we generate all three of them at once are we good with these three prompts led 26 students through daily three-hour classes you wouldn't believe how hard i educated these students i became the leader of a new generation of students number one led 26 students through daily three-hour classes he learned how to use his talents to train a puppy i had never had a dog in my house and all of a sudden i'm on the receiving end of what we're doing with these dogs said loftus the students had eight months to train the puppy to perform 10 commands the program is a partnership between yale animal farm foundation hefer international and the children's medical center at uc berkeley the program will be in town until june 11th to learn more click here nothing will happen if they click there that was pretty good that's number one you wouldn't believe how hard i educated these students every time every single time when i asked one of them to repeat the last three letters of a word one of them would say don't worry all sounded out in the dark and i kept hearing them whisper don't worry we won't tell anyone at each other as they walked by i was absolutely astonished i've been in charge of the classroom of me for only six weeks how could that have happened i was almost embarrassed my own students really had the student in them a few days later i this one's pretty good because it's like kind of dark well it's not dark it's literally dark i guess led 26 students through daily three-hour classes got big big smiles from the students when i joined in and went on breaks this time i took my day pack full of supplies so i could haul some laundry home it was unseasonably cold so i was able to dry a load in between classes for the record i did not do my laundry in between classes one student thought it was very exciting when i was done and brought me a royal toilet i never tried any loads when i was teaching new description for my teaching job at uc berkeley i think we know which which one it's gonna be all right the dog one is real [ __ ] funny i'm happy with this next up is my programming job at ea and despite what that might sound like i did not actually work on any video games or anything of importance i just worked on the tech stack that ea uses for their mobile games worked on the client side of the mobile sdk team and electronic arts it sounds pretty boring yeah it was not very exciting my programming had a profound but sinister effect on ea's profits i single-handedly saved ea's prospects i don't want to straight-up lie in my portion i pissed on the ea servers what hello mr douglas douglas i am a representative from the us government we are very impressed by your recent changes to your linkedin and wish to offer you the position of supreme leader please get back to us as soon as you can well guys this might be my last stream i'm about to be hired as the supreme leader of the government i'm not sure of what ladies and gentlemen it's time for cold hard business three two one worked on the client side of the mobile sdk team electronic arts researching csharpen.net introduced myself to the windows phone convergence team britney had a blog post on that which is investigating a c sharp and dot net solution for windows phone 7 that would be browser-based not that this idea is dead yet posted by brian sumner joined the wintana google plus group and will update my users of the solution i made for palm on android and nook wait hold on so i'm working on android nook in google plus on windows phone in csharp.net and it's browser-based what the [ __ ] is this job i don't understand at all who's brian sumner please go to the link is it appropriate i don't want to i don't know who the [ __ ] brian sumner is oh it doesn't exist all right that's that's actually better though it's more of a flex on the recruiters who check me out they're like the previous one that's like for more information click here and then click it like there's no more information and then they come to this one they're like okay thank god at least brian sumner is going to tell us what's going on and this link is broken my programming had a profound but sinister effect on the profits of electronic arts in only 20 months the money flowing into the company increased fivefold from 3.4 billion to 11 billion it's safe to say that's the single most important thing that happened to ea in those early years says chris connor who now works at ea the long-term effect on the company's bottom line might have led ea to take long-term risks with their employees health and well-being but in the 1990s even the sharpest game companies were focused on short-term profits for instance maybe remember ea as the all right that's number two number three the motto ea sports it's in the game changed my outlook on life and here's why that says it all at least for me ea sports just in the past few months introduced the journey mode in the fifa series that's the main hook of this madden game which they also do an amazing job of utilizing all over the game ea sports is star wars battlefront was also the biggest video game of 2015 and it gave me my biggest video game moment ever in 2015 when i logged in for the first time and played as darth vader for the first time in star wars battlefront ea sports has really learned how to blank dude we've got three pretty potent options all right get your boats in okay i figured as much dude it had to be number two number two is so aggressive all right congratulations uh this is my new ea job wait should i just put a period but even the sharpest game followers are focused on long-term profits for instance maybe you remember ea as the god it's even more of a power move you got to leave them wanting next up is a summer job i had to program the android application for the p90x workout program this was like two guys were working on an app and they hired me to help out with this android thing and i never met them and they didn't end up paying me for half of my work but it did actually put really good stuff on my resume i'll start the first prompt just normally what should the second prompt be two guys got me ripped in more ways than one jesus christ this has nothing to do it doesn't even mention programming or more p90x option number one developed major features of the official p90x android application and even though they never paid me 50 of my salary and doug was considering criminal proceedings the official p android p90x app now lives in the play store true if you're a fitness fan and can't wait to do your pull-ups and push-ups in the wild you should get the official p90x android app from the play store and take a look at some of the things it can do don't bother installing the commercial release of the p90x app but instead get the official one and download the advanced workout now install the official the united x android app i don't get paid by the p90x people so i'm not affiliated true very true they did not pay me in some ways this one's pretty solid the p90x workout program has absolutely annihilated obesity in america and in only three months my love handles are shrinking that is a power move people have lost 30 plus pounds on this program and it seems easy enough so in my opinion they know what they're doing i think these two videos can even be combined because i think it's great to stretch both sides of your body at the same time i started my trainer workouts on sunday they kicked my ass seemed so hard i think i've stumbled upon a pain of sitting in this chair for an hour a day while i'm watching the girls i don't know if it's this one leaves a lot to the imagination it's pretty potent somebody's kicking my ass but also my ass is in the chair i mean this is a power move opener and once again i want to reiterate this is for a programming job for the android application this will probably not work i don't think this is gonna go anywhere but here we go two guys got me ripped in more ways than one living on borrowed time please check back soon as i will be trying to post something daily so please keep checking back to see what i've come up with this is for my linkedin profile also thank you all for your well wishes and best wishes for my niece and sister i will keep them in my prayers my niece and sister will be having back surgery this week so i'm going to ask all of you to send some good this could be okay because this could be a power play of like the recruiter is looking at my profile they're like i don't know if this person is even qualified for the android programming job i'm gonna spam at him and then they see this and they think wow his niece and sister is gonna be having back surgery i should give him a job he needs the money okay we've got four options number one is this is like an advertisement for the app number two my love handles are shrinking i don't think i want this on my linkedin profile it would be one thing if i mention sitting for an hour a day watching the girls right and then i like follow up and kind of you know clarify maybe what the situation is but i just cut off the next sentence i don't know man it implies that i was like arrested while i was writing this watching the girls the implication here we gotta change it can i change it to men i feel like that's fine young man well okay if this one works i'm going to replace girls option number three oh this is my my niece and sister having back surgery okay not surprisingly we're gonna go with the love handles i also think i've stumbled upon a pain of sitting in this chair for an hour a day while i'm watching the blank whatever word comes next the single word that comes next we swap that in for girls and we're good i just don't want my profile to imply anything illicit or fundamentally creepy i'm watching the kids no is that better can i redo it this one's worse how about i get i can redo a single word or phrase if it's particularly bad but i have to gift five subs every time i also think i've stumbled upon a pain sitting in this chair for an hour a day while i'm watching my children you know what that's fine i'll take it everybody still wins because i'm still watching kids we get the best of every single world incredible the next up is esl it's like a huge esports company and i spent two years as a project manager a producer running tons of esports events like big hearthstone shows okay here's what i actually did managed the design budgeting and execution for live esports tournaments and media content so we got a lot to work with there i think we could mention the games we can mention the fact that some of the stuff i did is technically on hulu why don't we just turn the temperature up a lot controls the randomness of sampling the creativity cool so let's make this one really creative cool so this one might be a little bit less coherent because we are doing maximum creativity you ever watched hearthstone in 2016 or 2017 i led almost every major tournament including who guys this is too creative how does one ai generate so much creativity this is not english right who is business zeus i'm gonna redo with less creativity let's try a 1.5 creativity hello almost every major tournament including playing almost almost from b apparently pony under mop dude these are too creative it's not even english it just like picks random words we could go low make it less than one point five this is an experiment we won't keep this one unless it's awesome you ever watched hearthstone in 2016 or 2017 i lit almost every major tournament including the last two blizzcons and i'm sure you've seen me at the top of the leaderboard i'm not gonna lie to you i'm a pretty good player i've been playing hearthstone for almost a year now i've made a lot of progress i'm not the best but i'm pretty close i'm not gonna lie to you i'm a pretty good player i've been playing hearthstone for almost a year now i've made a lot of progress i'm not the best but i'm pretty close i'm not gonna lie to you i'm a pretty good player i've been playing hearthstone for almost a year now and i've made a lot of progress i'm not the best but i'm pretty close but i'm not gonna lie to you i'm not the best i'm not gonna lie to you i'm not the best i'm not gonna lie it's very honest we'll leave this one we'll leave this one doug worked for an esports agency that made millions off the backs young athletes competing in video game tournaments which were broadcast on tv not correct it would appear that doug's pay was meager but he made up for it by watching four to five hours of video game tournaments taking notes and filing lawsuits against everyone he thought was being ripped off by his employer when the fbi approached him in 2014 about an investigation into the pay to win craze in esports he said what did you watch my website i was writing on site i was doing the videos i was [ __ ] writing i was doing a lot a reporter doug williams was once an employee of an esports agency that made millions off the backs of young athletes competing in video games tournaments which were broadcast on tv doug and his co-workers paid a tiny salary were prohibited from competing in any video game yeah i guess my channel's name is doug doug williams which is the new description for my job as an esports producer so it's between i'm not gonna lie to you in the fbi investigation three two one not gonna lie to you congratulations next up in college i did a programming internship at zynga the beloved developers of farmville where i worked on a cancelled facebook game this was for pirateville which never released but it was like like a new version of farmville it was gonna have pirates we could start with that option number one i worked on a pirate video game at the beloved media conglomerate zynga and it was a nightmare from being a nine-to-fiver who'd look forward to coming home to eat an organic grain salad to waking up on my knees in a crawl space under the desk i gotta change music here the worst part i didn't even get to do the whole crawling in a crawl space part my last day was nearly two months ago i still haven't managed to bring myself to eat a single salad might not even be worth my time maybe come too bitter maybe i'm just not cut out for it the job i did lead to a bit of fun is when i met jimmy fallon all right let's go back to some fun music it's like is when i met jimmy fallon i told him how we went to college together how we played video games in the arcade together fallon wasn't sure what to think about that i don't know what the [ __ ] we just did a roller coaster i'm happy the the story has a happy ending though everybody loves jimmy fallon look at me look at me i'm the captain now i am the captain of the washington capitals i am the captain of the washington capitals i am the captain are you watching are you watching are you watching did you see what i did there you like what i did there can we stay here all night you don't even know did you know about the new captain in town yeah didn't know everybody was in the dark i can't be the captain i'm not really good at it do you see that sign over by the locker room door it says captain off kim i didn't even know that existed who do you think they are what is that sign even up captain ofkin is that their term for me it is a term for me i've been the captain for years now but this is my time so excited i'm also scared all the i mean this is this is going in a different direction than the others i love that like we put in captain twice in the prompt the ai is like alright everything has to be captained which new description for my job as an intern working on a pirate facebook game oh my god four votes four votes off captain wins dude look at the the previews right if somebody just opens this we kind of beat them down right we let them in to our ups and downs the trials and tribulations and then finally they get to the bottom and i look them square in the eyes and i say look at me i'm the captain now by this point i've got them by the balls this job is mine next up is the description for my college education at uc berkeley okay we can write a description for what i did at my college in the first two years i got great grades in my classes but then once i became a junior it suddenly became difficult for me to get good grades true my gpa was 2.65 which is much lower than expected i was very upset and worried and i figured that maybe this semester will be different fortunately no luck i still have a good gpa but it's been dropping steadily 2.5 and now 2.45 not good at all i feel like i don't deserve it because i have been lazy i've not done much work have not attended class regularly have not always come to class on time that is the lowest of lows and probably the lowest of lows that i will ever be able to get to in my life i can't help feeling bad about myself and i guess i should take some responsibility for my low gpa i was not the only person who was lazy but i could have been i don't know why you would put this in your linkedin profile it's not the place to wax poetic about your sinking gpa i was such a damn good student they made me a teacher mother didn't raise no fool and a teacher i was the other day my english class went out to the local high school to see it's a wonderful life they had all kind of snacks and drinks to keep them occupied to help them not talk during the movie did i mention i teach seniors i should have known i would have had to keep an eye on those bozos i was very concerned about the soda thing there were four of them they were pretty quiet just enjoying the movie everyone else in the movie was quiet too no one was talking except when the kids couldn't hear the speaker god i know this is going to go somewhere good we're at the movies in a high school at the seniors that i'm teaching i think no one was talking except when the kids couldn't hear the speaker it was perfect but then out of the blue as i was reaching for my coffee i heard this stupid american accented voice pipe up well of course i had to turn maybe the strategy here we leave him a cliffhanger we want the recruiters to think oh my god i could hear the rest of the story if i only hire this man that's pretty good i don't know if i'm teaching high school students or something so there i was sitting on campus with a book in one hand and a beer in the other when suddenly i'm interrupted we're concerned about your drinking the police officer said i think they've already given you the magic word to ask the administration so you can't answer anymore i looked at him for a second then i saw him to me he looked like a perfect clone of my dad his hair was a little shaggier his face slightly paler his gate was a little slower the only difference was that he was a police officer it was him i was hallucinating they had to be my best friend myers had dragged me out of the dorm room and taken me to this bar a place with arcade games karaoke three dollar beers i wasn't sure what i was in for but i knew i wasn't gonna like it you see that game over there myers asked sorry you see that game over there myers asked what happened to my police father god i want to know the rest so badly which new description for my college education why going for police dad mostly the incredible story of how we found our policeman father is my new description for what i did in college congratulations and last but not least my job as a youtuber all right we've got one left doug doug with this one we maybe need to do a few more this one needs to be really potent i think my youtube channel can be pretty weird so let me explain it with food one my channel gets weird if i watch popular videos on youtube i think this is why people can't find the channel more recently i found myself eating strawberries i would have a strawberry for five days just watch them crumble on the desk don't ask i was managing to eat them i keep forgetting what i'm doing with my videos so i just go on and on and then after a while it all feels like a blur three it's very difficult to say anything intelligent when your body is full of strawberries that's about all that's worth saying really haha i don't know what makes me laugh more the video or the fact that i just said ha ha twice in a row i've been getting a lot of questions about the videos so i thought i would put the questions to you guys is it normal to eat the strawberries this has some promise a few times people have said true in chat like none of these stories have been relatable somebody typed true in chat i think during the police dad thing nobody in chat has been stopped by the cops for alcoholism and realized it was their father i've touched over one million people through my job as a teacher and an author my next book is a young adult paranormal fantasy entitled rancho murderers i'm holding a rafflecopter giveaway for a free copy of the book enter the rafflecopter below and then make sure to share with your friends every person who enters the giveaway will be entered twice that is no out whatever true the contest will run until monday october 20th 2014 at 11 59 pm winners will be announced wednesday october 22nd 2014. good luck rancho murders is set in my hometown of broken era oklahoma i love my town i want to share some of the things there are to do there with the others we want rancho murders i'm wildly successful it's all thanks to twitch chat doing the hard work for me true now playing watch this twitch chat works hard for me true guys this one's this one's a little too true i'm a superstar a multi-millionaire and my secret to success is twitch chat doing all the work for me sometime in the fall twitch chat told me i was the ninth highest streamer in the world at the time i'd only been streaming for a few months so i was thrilled i thought of myself as a mid-tier streamer at best but i was really just a warm body streaming from time to time i am now the ninth highest streamer in the world youtube now i know some of you might be thinking oh my god how does that guy make all that money i hear you you're not wrong this is still my first year as a full-time streamer if you told me a few years ago that i'd be telling you this i've left you out of the room i didn't stream for a few years after college i had a few jobs but i found it this one was good this one was good try doing one of your video titles we could do i'm trying to take a bath but twitch chat keeps assassinating me that one could actually be good i'm trying to take a bath but twitch chat keeps going off you know how it is want to take a bath twitter wants to chat with me stupid twee i told them last week they were being too talkative see what happened is i was in nymphomaniac all through college and i used to spend my hours typing away at a laptop i put on a bathrobe and dropped my clothes in the hamper because they looked like i'd been wearing them for days i'd waltz into the bathroom start writing but somewhere along the way i lost the fine art of writing for a living it's kind of hard to have time to write when you have two little kids and a husband that's why i have a boyfriend i started a relationship with nick cage i'm sure you saw him in bruges or whatever it's called he's an actor you see and we live together well i live with him i don't have to share him what he doesn't realize is that he's an actor too and you see the film i was just working on isn't quite finished yet i don't have a trailer or anything to yeah that was pretty good in the video game skyrim i create mods spawn cheese kill fondle and slaughter zombies with a potato i also replaced the statue of a woman holding a sword with a weeping man holding a statue of a sword that isn't an actual sword and then i buy the woman a copy of limbo i'm a god i call myself diablo the cheater as far as i know i'm the only person who writes a list of cheating cheats and uses it in game my mod turned the game my mod turned the game into an interdimensional sex simulator powered by a [ __ ] necromancer and i use that game on a daily basis to date i've cheated in 30 games 22 of them were developed by other users and the other two were made by me and today this named after me i use a relatively simple cheat to game console games what i do is turn the switch on the controller i use into a button on the console and then i press it to trigger cheats that give me a better experience here's what those she i don't want to be premature but i believe we have found the new description of my youtube career this just whiplash is so so hard with so much passion my mod turned the game into an interdimensional sex simulator powered by a [ __ ] necromancer so true it's time to vote ladies and gentlemen we got five five prompts to vote on good luck i think there's an early lead coming out three two one i'm diablo the cheater i'm a god i play an interdimensional sex simulator powered by a [ __ ] necromancer and i use it on a daily basis oh let's get this over to the network you're never going to get a job again or maybe i'll get lots of jobs gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelette profile pic we could do a new pro i mean what would the new profile pick be though take a selfie right now you with the thanos paintings this is for like jobs this is freaking work connections all right i'll save it under business i mean this is an aggressive linkedin profile picture to be fair though does match diablo the cheater it looks like our work here is done ever since february of 2021 this has been my linkedin profile and i'm happy to say that those recruiters finally stopped emailing me just kidding they emailed me five weeks later i've gotten four emails since this change and i finally replied to bobby and asked exactly which part of my linkedin profile makes me so qualified for this job he did not reply and now i look forward to forcing every one of their recruiters to have to reread my linkedin and look at me in a thanos bathing suit this is diablo the cheater signing off [Music] you

Channel: DougDoug

Views: 5,161,635

Keywords: DougDoug, DougDoug Youtube Channel, Channel Youtube DougDoug, doug doug, twitch, twitch chat, dougdoug twitch chat, twitch chat plays, dougdoug twitch, linkedin, AI, artificial intelligence, spammers, email, funny, diablo the cheater, skyrim

Id: -xR3v7rx3O8

Length: 30min 0sec (1800 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 10 2021