I Have No Emotions. Literally | Animated Story about Loneliness

hello my name is pepper and i have not had any emotions since i was born probably many people would like to be in my place so as not to worry about their problems but trust me it's very difficult to live like this when i was just born no one could even think that something was wrong with me like all babies i just cried and slept and asked for food but only a year later my parents began to notice that i was really different from other kids for example the daughter of my mother's friend was already smiling at my age when she saw her parents or her favorite toy and cried a lot when she was left alone my reaction to everything was neutral and i only whimpered when i was in pain or wanted to eat and the older i got the more worried my parents got they did not understand what was going on with me when i was four years old there occurred an incident that really puzzled them as usual i was running around the yard and playing when suddenly a neighbor's dog rushed towards me it just broke off the leash and started barking loudly trying to bite me when the dog was taken away i did not start crying or at least even screaming i just took my doll and began to comb its hair as if nothing had happened my parents thought that i was just in a state of shock because of the extreme stress and immediately took me to the doctor after long examinations i was diagnosed with a terrible condition called alexithymia when my mother began to cry i did not understand what was happening to her it turns out that with this disease my emotions cannot overcome a block in the cerebral cortex that's why i also cannot recognize other people's emotions this can be compared to color blindness with which a person cannot distinguish colors at all but in my case these were not colors but inner sensations so i was growing up in an emotional vacuum various events were happening around me but i remained as cold-blooded as a robot when i went into the first grade my beloved grandmother passed away and even then i could not feel anything it was sometimes very difficult for my parents to educate me and teach me something at first glance i might seem aloof and even feeble-minded but in fact my brain was not distracted by emotions so i perceived any information faster than others also my illness blocked fear as well i could not feel anything negative therefore i had nothing to be afraid of for example unlike other people i went to the dentist without any hesitation but because of this disease my body is too sensitive to pain since the time when i was born i had a very low pain tolerance and even stomach cramps or a small bruise became a terrible endurance test for me once i had a horrible headache when i was at school an ordinary person could easily cope with such an ailment but for me this became a real nightmare because of the unbearable pain i wasn't able to speak for some time and was about to faint no one noticed that i felt really bad because i still looked calm while remaining conscious with great difficulty i began to hum and pinch my hand to make myself cry it took several more minutes before the teacher realized that i wasn't feeling well apart from pain there was another problem that is communication with peers since the first grade i had no friends at all some of the kids were just bored to play with a cold-hearted girl and many of them were even afraid of me you know it's very difficult to interact with a person when they have a soulless mask instead of a face a distant look in my eye and complete indifference pushed all the people away from me i would like to say that it made me upset but i cannot although subconsciously i felt attachment towards the closest people but i could not express this in any way however the older i got the easier it was for me to communicate with others yes i still did not show any emotions but i could act interested with whoever it was possible to discuss various topics also thanks to my cold mind i was able to solve many teenage problems when for some reason people lost their friends or loved ones they often said that they envied me and dreamed of getting rid of all of their emotions so that they would never feel mental pain again i did not understand their wish because it's very difficult to live without emotions i cannot be happy or feel sympathy for anyone and because of this i have no friends but i really wanted to share my secrets with someone as well spend time together and go to the movies for many people i was just an excellent advisor but not a friend but at some point everything changed after classes i attended extracurricular spanish lessons where i got acquainted with a new girl her name was liz and soon we started spending more time together i felt comfortable when communicating with her because she would not ask about my illness like others did liz even taught me to smile realistically you can't imagine how difficult it was to do this but as a result i could take a selfie with a charming smile we also had a common hobby we both loved to color in children's coloring books and of course we did not tell anyone about it and one day liz noticed that i only used dark markers i had to admit that these were the colors in which i saw the world around me after several months had passed since we met liz invited me to her birthday party and i presented her cool headphones that she dreamed of for a long time liz burst into tears and said that she had never had such a close friend even after hearing such warm words i did not react to them in any way because i could not she noticed this and tried to cheer me up at home for the rest of the evening i tried to understand myself because my heart was beating faster than usual and my stomach was cramping because of tension i've read that this is how the body responds to anger apparently today's situation with liz's confession and my indifferent reaction to her words evoked something like an emotion my body was shaking and for some reason my health seriously deteriorated for several days i had not left the house fearing that i would have that strange attack again however liz soon persuaded me to take a short walk in our favorite park there were always few people around which we really liked liz suddenly stopped for a moment and then fell to the ground unconscious my heart was beating fast and my body got tense but i felt neither fear nor panic i touched her hair and it was very hot this was heat stroke i dragged my friend into the shade wetted her head with water from a bottle and ran for help since i forgot my phone at home and liz's phone was dead i rushed to a young couple asking for help but this looked like a stupid prank because there were no emotions on my face i spoke in a calm and steady manner without any panic and tears but the guy and the girl just laughed at me and began to look around searching for a hidden camera or any viewers i couldn't even shout at them angrily which made me powerless then i literally began to pull them towards liz but everything was in vain having run around half the park i realized that i could not find help after returning to my friend i found that she was still unconscious suddenly i felt dizzy everything went dark and there appeared a painful lump in my throat i felt worse every minute i got down on my knees next to her and tears were flowing down my cheeks but my mind was still cold fortunately a woman who was passing by noticed us and immediately called an ambulance doctors arrived quickly and took both of us to the hospital i was immediately sent to a specialist who had been monitoring my condition since childhood he was shocked by what he saw during an examination the reaction of my body was caused by such a strong surge of emotions that they overcame the block everything that i experienced in the park being next to liz was just a tiny part of what an ordinary person can feel however for me it turned out to be a very serious blow the doctor said that i should undergo treatment in order to better understand what was going on with me later my parents came to the hospital the doctor started telling them about a complex surgery that hypothetically could relieve the symptoms of alexithymia but then i would get a severe emotional shock and it is highly probable that it could lead to death of course they were against it although this outcome did not frighten me at all the doctor also suggested a therapy with which the block could be slightly weakened but the process itself was going to be incredibly difficult for me the principle of the treatment was simple it was supposed to evoke such strong feelings in me due to which emotions would gradually overcome the block in the cerebral cortex all this was supposed to be accompanied by severe weakness and headaches i realized that it would be hard and even painful but agreed anyway every few days doctors tried to evoke a variety of emotions in me from incredible joy to terrible sadness and this began to bear fruit when my parents or liz came to my ward i felt a bit better although i could not express this as a result after several months of treatment i developed something like a mood but this still cannot be called emotions now i am having a break between therapies so i returned home liz advised me to start a blog for alexithymia patients and show by my own example that it is possible to fight such a disease my friendship with her is even stronger now she often comes to visit me with new coloring books and i notice that i smile unintentionally when i see her which gives me hope that soon i will become a normal person would you like to get rid of all your emotions at once give your answers in the comments if you liked the video then don't forget to click on the thumbs up button under it and share it with your friends

Channel: Meet My Story

Views: 979,120

Rating: 4.8993068 out of 5

Keywords: I have no emotions, disease, alexithymia, smth is wrong with my brain, I have no friends, new girl, first friend, best friend, fell unconscious, sunstroke, doctors can't help, risky surgery, new therapy, gift, animated story, short story, animated short stories, actually happened, storybooth animated, meet my story, animation short film, short animation, animation, animation channel, actually happened stories, story, storytime, true stories, school stories, family stories

Id: VjYzcu-qZic

Length: 9min 57sec (597 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 11 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/l0613y]

The comment section did not pass the vibe check

[u/JustAnotherNumbr]

She said she had a blog. Anyone know if it's real and if so where I could find it?

I want to hear more about this "potentially lethal alexithymia-curing surgery".